D. N. Angel Fan Fiction / Naruto Fan Fiction / InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Hidden tears ❯ "You must forget.." ( Chapter 6 )

Chapter 6- “You must forget…”

 

 

The milky light of the morning sun was making the small particles of dust look like minuscule splinters of silver.. The rays of light were coming through her lashes into the dark abyss of her almost closed eyes. She had been laying like this, half dead, half alive, half asleep, half awake for a few hours now. The world around her began to fade away when she put her head on the pillow and soon disappeared completely. The world didn't exist anymore.. not the bed on which she was laying, not the cat which crawled on her in some chanceless attempts to wake her up, not the rays of light which began to surround her pupils since the sun managed to rise above the mountain peeks around the castle, not the small dust particles, not the distant knockings at her door from time to time, not the door which couldn't be opened because she locked it.. and T… and the guardians were kind enough not to open it with their keys…

Nothing existed. Nothing mattered… “Why am I here? Why am I still here? Am I that weak? Can't I fight anymore, can't I fight HIM anymore? Why do I always feed myself with illusions of love when there is none? There is no more love.. not for me.. not for others.. never was, never will be.. just illusions… distant tears, colored smoke on the walls of the mind.. “ She hadn't slept more then an hour, the rest of the time she had been in this state. She was there, on that bed which in the past three weeks had become so familiar.. yet she wasn't there… It was just like before, when the glaze of Lord Dion had separated her consciousness from her body, but now there was no more pain, no more suffering.. it was with her own will that it happened, although she didn't realize it until it wasn't already accomplished.. she had just done it, not being aware of it .. Her consciousness was somewhere far away.. or so it seemed.. “Where am I? WHERE AM I?” she was shouting, she was screaming but there was no one there to answer.. Many people have more personalities.. no, more “persons” in their heads.. they talk to themselves, one person with the other… She was not like that. She had just one strong personality that was dominating everything.. no inner forgotten child, no subconscious voice, no former or future self, no alter-ego.. just Nessa. There was none and nothing to guide her in this nothingness that caused her eyes to look like dark voids. “Why am I like this? Why did I do this?” why wasn't the real question.. she knew why: to escape, to forget, to die probably… yet suicide didn't seem a real solution, so she did this.. the question was how and with what real purpose… the purpose was also laying in “how”… There was something hidden in her, something she had to reveal, something connected to everything that had happened with her, something that was going to establish a new order in her life.. not by her will but still with her agreement… She knew all these, she felt them because that thing was vibrating more and more, harder and harder… It had always vibrated, ever since she was born.. she'd always felt it… but forgot about it.. now she was remembering.. that strange feeling that made her feel different… that strange feeling that showed her others' feelings as well.. that feeling which made her feel what Orfin was feeling when she was so much younger.. that feeling which intensified all her other feelings.. that feeling that vibrated through all her spirit every instant of her life back then.. that feeling which faded away… that feeling she had forgotten.. that feeling which tried so hard to surface through her dreams all these years.. that feeling which revealed her the hidden faces of her kidnapers and which gave her nightmares.. this feeling…

She felt as if she was floating in a primordial fluid in the nowhere inside of her.. and somewhere, it vibrated harder and harder and emitted a strange light which gave her a feeling of warmth and happiness, a light which made her skin tingle as it's rays touched her… a light which showed her the “rules” in this distant world of hers.. where is up, where is down.. which gave contours to her world, confused shades of colors and shadows swirling and contorting, like clouds of colored smoke above an undefined planet.. “Colored smoke.. what was I just thinking of it? Smoke.. love…” As soon as she thought of love, the light grew stronger and she felt the same along with it… She looked towards it.. she wanted to embrace it.. that light was part of her… smoky wings grew from her back, softy, pliant wings .. “Like an angel.. Teshi..” and as they developed she was coming closer to the light… “Love..” and the light was even stronger, yet it didn't hurt her eyes.. she threw her hands around it, like a God around his sweet creation, a small planet steaming with life… her eyes widened as she saw inside the light Talla's figure… his figure from yesterday morning when he held her in his arms to keep her from fainting again… his figure from the nights she was screaming with terror and his strong and firm arms protected her “Hush.. it's ok.. I'm here.. I'll protect you..” “just like smoke.. fleeting images from memories that seem so far away right now” Talla's face faded into Orfin's… her and Orfin near the lake… “nothing more than smoke” and Orfin's turned into Tyvlandor's… “Sleep, sleep my alatáriel… soon they will all know who you really are, my love, my sweet alatáriel..” he said before kissing her cold lips… “I don't remember this… When… “ and she slowly remembered as he helped her get in her room a few hours ago.. when she suddenly felt sick and couldn't even hold on her legs anymore.. she retreated from the ball and helped by him she got into her room.. and that was what happened before she fell asleep.. that meant he knew.. he knew everything that was happening to her and why she had felt like that all day… he knew what was happening right now.. that was why he made her stay..”u will never again be Tyvlandor.. just Tyvol.. Ty..” he forced her to stay.. “Hate..” The pure light faded away.. a strong red one and dark shadow took it's place between her hands… the colors around turned in black holes from which mutilated tears and memories tried to come out like cadavers.. her wings started to lose their feathers.. she screamed as the pain of her naked skeleton began to consume her… the light was turning into darkness… “NOOOOOOOOO!!! I want to escape.. Let me go!” but there was nothing to let her go.. it was part of her…

 

She closed her eyes as the rays of sunlight bothered them.. She blinked as she realized she was in her room.. in her body… “That.. what was that? What caused the change in the light?” “My feelings…So it's the way I feel, the way and path I chose that changes the light.. my light… my…”

She stared around. She was still in the castle.. “NO!!! I should've been home by now… TYVOL!!!!” she rose angrily. The long back of her dress swished behind her, disturbing Cinder which, after numerous failed attempts of awaking Nessa, renounced and went to sleep. She opened the door furiously with such force that it vibrated and echoed down the hall.. The clear sound of her heels gave crystal echoes that were blending with the fading vibrancy of the door.. She slammed the door from Tyvol's office open. “You bastard.. You fucking son of a bitch.. You idiot..” she began swearing him in every possible way, every language she knew. She didn't seem to notice that he was not alone. While on his face, one couldn't read anything new, maybe only disgust for her sudden vocabulary, the others were clearly unprepared for something like this. “Tyvol.. uhm.. what exactly happened with her?” Armand leaned to his ear and asked in a whisper. “You remember when I told you a few hours ago that I <<delayed>> some thoughts of hers because I couldn't control her?” “er.. yes.. so?” “Her thoughts were of escaping… She was going to leave.. I had a dumb luck arriving a few minutes before.. Those were the thoughts I delayed.” “So she's angry because you stopped her from going home?” “Yes” “And you show so few emotions towards this scene?” Armand said looking at Tyvol's eyes which were fixed on Nessa yet lacked any emotion . “It isn't worth more..” “A few hours ago you would have answered different..” “The situations are different.. a few hours ago she was a rational being not a mad monster..” Armand couldn't restrain his laughter, which moved the attention of the others from Nessa to him. Dark, Abel, Talla and Lord Dion were in the office as well, when their conversation was interrupted by the sound of her heels coming from the hall and Tyvol stopped talking awaiting her aggressive reaction when she would open the door… just that she didn't open the door, she slammed it with an unbelievable force… and now she was on the doorway yelling on Tyvol and not paying any attention to the rest of them…until she saw Tyvol talking with the young-looking guy from the ball and hardly paying any attention to her.. she stopped and felt a vein pulsing on her forehead. Before they could realize what was going on, Nessa was already attempting a kick towards Tyvol's head.. inches from it, the young guy stooped her kick with a slight movement of his arm.. He abrely touched it but Nessa felt as if she's been kicked herself.. She stared puzzled at his hand holding her lifted leg. “Wtf?” Tyvol didn't even stir. “We really have to work on you're attitude, you're vocabulary, you're behavior, you're knowledge… Couldn't you be the least cooperative to ease our job?” he asked with an annoyed tone. She couldn't believe her ears. How could he be so.. so.. so incredibly egocentric and cruel? She left down leg and remained staring at him from the other side of the desk, blinking confused.. Dark and Abel were more and more amused by the situation, Talla and the Lord were trying to remain impassible while Armand was analyzing Nessa from behind Tyvol.. “This one will most certainly prove to be an interesting student..” “Well?” Tyvol asked. Nessa regained herself. She looked behind her, finally aware of the others' presence. “OUT!!!” Now they were really shocked. “I said OUT! Get out now! All of you.. I have to talk with the leader in private.” Their reaction was late to come. She turned around to face them. “Are you deft? Don't make me show you the way out of the room; it wouldn't be pleasant and I'd hate it to ruin our relationship…” Talla looked at her with compassion, then grabbed Dark and Abel's arms and pulled them towards the door. The Lord followed clearly dissatisfied. When they were finally out ,she turned to face but met the young guy's instead. He was studying her with curiosity. She gave him a grimace. “You too, High-School! Flee.” She said and made a sign with her hand meaning for him to flee away as soon as possible. “No, I believe Armand will stay. “ Tyvol said not looking at her anymore but passed the guy, outside the window. “Armand?! This is Armand? As in << one of you're teachers is going to be Armand, mine and Abel's former guardian >>?” Armand nodded. “It's okay, Tyvol. I'm going to leave you two talk at ease.” Then he whispered in her ear “Don't let yourself deceived by my look, I'm much older then Tyvol although I look like a teenager.” His words sent tingles down her spine. He walked towards the door, then stopped and stared at it. No one seemed to have noticed that it was almost broken at the edges “thanks” to Nessa . “I'll tell the workers to come for the door when you're done” he told Tyvol. He nodded but Nessa didn't seem to get the idea. But as soon as he left her sight, she turned to fix Tyvol with her dark eyes. “So, how was it? What can you do now?” Tyvol asked a little absent-minded. “WHAT? What are you talking abou… oh, fuck, you bastard.. you knew.” “Of course I did.. I know you more than anyone else around here.. even better than yourself.. I can sense what you feel before you yourself can.” “And you let everything happen even if you knew I could die?!?! “ “Die? What do you mean?” he suddenly was concerned. “So he has no idea what actually happened.. he just has an idea.. he knows nothing of the light, of my separation…” she didn't answer him; now she was the one not to look at the other. Tyvol kept staring at her, waiting for an answer. What could she mean by dying.. So few Elcardians have died throughput time from this, why would SHE be on the edge of death?

She was still looking outside the window.. It was already passed morning.. Many of the guests must have already left.. those who were unimportant at least; how unimportant an Elcardian could be.. she thought sarcastically.. during those few weeks, she began understanding the value of the Elcardians. Her silence was disturbing Tyvol… “Nessa? NESSA! Answer, dammit!” She almost smiled realizing that Tyvol was actually showing a beginning of fear, although it was not about himself.. “He only fears for others.. like Rin.. like Inuvain… like ..me?” “You can't keep me here, Tyvol.” She said calmly ”Yes, I can because you'll be staying on your own will.” “You're wrong, Tyvol. No matter how hard you or the others try, my heart will never allow me to stay here.” “And how will you live? When will you leave? You don't even know where we are.” “That didn't stop me before.” “NO, it didn't.. I stopped you.. and I will do it again if necessary.” “You won't have a second chance.” “Neither will you. Now go and pack. “ “What?” “WE are leaving in a few hours . We are going to stay at one of Talla's properties.” “No, you can't take me further away from my home. NO!” “I can and I will. Now, go and pack.” “Pack what? None of these things belong yo me anyway!” “Then go pack my things” he said sarcastically. She was so touched by his words that she tried once more to kick his head, but this time it was him to stop her. While he was holding her leg, she let all her weight on it and tried to kick him from above with her other leg, but he caught that one as well; with both her legs suspended and in his control, he slammed her down on the floor. She contorted her back with pain. He leaned down on her. “Never try that again. I am much more powerful than you think, Nessa.” He stood up. “Now go and do what I told you to.” She could hardly get up so he helped her, than called for Jaken to take her to her room. Although he looked so small and helpless, Jaken was able to carry her to her room and placed her on her bed. She crouched between her pillows, still feeling the pain caused by Tyvol.. Still, it wasn't that painful as when she lost her feathers and flesh.. But she'd been able to stop that pain, she wasn't able to stop this one..

She remained like this for another hour, and all she could think about was “Home… I wanna go home… Please let me go home.. I wanna go home..”

 

***

 

Kieva knocked on her door. No answer came. “Nessa? Nessa, are you in there?” Silence. She grabbed the doorknob and turned it, then gently pushed the door open so that it wouldn't make too much noise. She poked her head through the door to peak inside the room and saw Nessa lying motionless on the bed, staring somewhere in the emptiness of the cold walls. “T… told me to come help you pack. Are you feeling ok?” “No..” “Is thee anything I can do?” “Can you take me home? Can you take me back to my family?” “I… I.. can't.” “Then there's nothing you can do..” she said and returned to staring into emptiness. Kieva's face softened and she sat near Nessa on the bed. Cinder jumped on her lap, happy that there was finally someone to caress it. Kieva started running her hand through its smooth black fur. “I know it's hard, and I know this is the last thing you want to hear and you'll want to kill me after saying it but… you should try to forget..” Nessa moved her eyes from the wall to Kieva and partially rose… “Forget what?” she said with anger rising in her voice. “Forget everything before you were brought here. That was another life, a past life.. Life with the Elcardians teaches you never to mix past with present.. Many might suffer… Trust me.. If you love your family, forget it. Let them believe you died that day.. If you love them, let them live…” Her last words were nothing more than a mere whisper. Her eyes seemed ready to burst into tears, yet not even one appeared. “Kieva… “ she began to understand what Kieva meant. “Does everyone have to forget their former life?” “No, not everybody.. only those born from distant branches of the Elcardian clan.. like you, like Uno.. Like me..” “Did you forget them?” Kieva looked down. “No… and I…” Her lips were moving ready to say the words that wouldn't come out. She began biting her lips trying to keep both the words and the tears away… “What?.. What happened?” “I… I… lost them…” Nessa's whole being frezed. “That's right… Kieva's anime character is Sango, the demon slayer from InuYasha… the one who lost her family, her clan, her home…. Who struggles to save her brother from Naraku and from death… but that story doesn't say anything about branch families, about death due to memories…. “ “Kieva… what happened? How did you lose them?” She knew she shouldn't have asked this because she could see Kieva's pain but now it was concerning her too. “I was just like you at the beginning.. I wanted to go back, I wanted my old life not this one… I wanted to be myself again… I wasn't kidnapped like you, my parents knew what happened with me, who and what I really was.. they trusted the Elcardians.. I didn't…. I went back.. and THEY found me… I alone was let alive, not because I wanted to.. the others were killed, massacred… one could have hardly recognized them… I myself had to be nursed for weeks… Me and my brother were the only survivors.. but his life can barely be called a life.. he's almost like dead to me…” she noticed Nessa's amazed appearance. “Yes, Kohaku's story is true.. I do have a brother… a younger brother somewhere between life and death who was taken away from me..” Now it was Kieva who was staring in the emptiness of the walls, visualizing her brother's smiling face.. “Who are they?” “You will know… Enjoy the moments of sweet lack of knowledge…” Nessa opened her mouth to say ask her more but Kieva took her smiley face again and grabbed her hand. “Come you must pack.. You'll need all those good clothes in Tokio. “ “Tokio?!?!?!” “Oh my God, Fox-dude is gonna be there. You'll have so much fun with him and the other ninjas. They know everything in Tokio… At least Fox-dude will take care of you while I'll be gone with Inuvain, Kianna and the monk…” “So the anime-s really are based on your real lives… You guys really have that group and really do travel… then, what is the real form of the Shikon-no-Tama… what does it represent? And who is Naraku? “ Kieva stopped smiling. “He's one of them, isn't he?” “I told you to forget them.. your past.. everything… please, do as I say… My Lord, you've been in that dress since last night! Do you want to ruin it by sleeping in it?” Nessa was disorientated by Kieva's style of changing the subject, although she knew why she'd done it and she was right about the dress…”

 

***

 

“Neeeeeeeeeessaaaaaaa!! Hurry up!” Uno was crying down the hallway. “Nessa-chi!!” Rin began too. “Ya, ya, I'm coming.. Jeez…” she rolled her eyes. Her bags were already in the car, but she still had to comb her hair. “Nessa-san!” Jaken came after her. “T…-sama is starting to lose his patience. “ “Since when is that my problem?” “Don't you dare talk like that about T…-sama!” “Shut up, toad!”

“NESSA!!!!” Talla's voice echoed.