Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Wish For The Past ❯ Swimsuit Edition ( Chapter 44 )

Warning: Shameless self-insertion! I couldn't help myself! *grins*

Disclaimer: I don't own DBZ. All the characters belong to Akira Toriyama and whoever else may be involved. Well, except for Turuck (from last chapter), Mr. Burick, Chu Pika, and Brenda. Yes! I DO own Brenda!! *grins*

Bardock: *chuckles* I should hope so.

Brenda: And, yes, all puns in those names were intended. *lopsided smile* I'm not gonna do a long disclaimer, or even a very witty one. I'll save all the humor for the actual chapter. Go on! Get reading! Shoo shoo shoo! *gently nudges the readers on to the beginning of the chapter*

Distracted by the commotion, Bulma glanced up from a piece of paper in her hands and came face to face with a sight that made her want to giggle. There was her handsome, wonderful Radditz with... ice cream dripping down his mane, along with a distraught mother and her rambunctious son, the former pleading with the humiliated teenager to forgive the latter's antics. The blue haired girl didn't know whether to run up and comfort her crush, or hold her sides and laugh until it hurt. It was hilarious! How did he manage to get ice cream running down the back of his head, anyway? Bulma wasn't sure she wanted to know.

Deciding that there were more important things at stake here, specifically Radditz's good looks and the interesting piece of information she'd just learned, Bulma put away her mirth and marched up to the Saiyan, grabbing him by the arm. "You're coming with me, buster!" she said firmly. She hastily paid for the clothing Radditz was wearing, then forcefully pulled him along behind her.

Radditz didn't even have a chance to protest as he was suddenly dragged out of the store and towards a large pool of water that had a woman standing in the center, water spraying out of her mouth in a constant stream - he supposed it was some kind of fountain. A metallic glint in the pool's depths caught his eyes and he gazed with interest at the coins littering the bottom. What kind of strange Earth custom would cause people to throw money in there?

So distracted was he by the various conjectures that leapt into his mind, he never even noticed Bulma's hands descending on his head until it was too late. With a startled squeak, he tried to jump back as she shoved his head into the stream of water. Unfortunately the only thing he managed to do was unbalance himself, and he tripped over the edge of the pool, landing face first in the water.

Emerging from the water, dripping and spluttering indignantly, Radditz snarled at his attacker. "What the hell do you think you're doing?!" he shouted as he sloshed his way out of the pool. A puddle of water quickly formed beneath the seething Saiya-jin, slowly spreading outwards as more water dripped out of the teen's soaking hair.

"Well, at least the ice cream's gone," Bulma replied positively, shrugging her shoulders. Secretly, she smiled. Now that the first of her problems had been solved, it was only a matter of breaking the news to her two companions. Speaking of which... "We should go back and find Bardock. I think we left him in the store, so he's probably wondering where we are."

Thanking whatever Kami this backwater planet had that he could manipulate ki, Radditz flared his energy briefly until the water that slicked his clothing and hair heated and evaporated. After he let his ki fade away, he was once again dry and relatively clean, though he was still inwardly fuming about the whole incident. Fortunately, Bulma at least let him walk under his own power this time. Thank Kami for small blessings, he sarcastically thought to himself.

Once they were back inside the store, they quickly found Bardock examining the shirts on a display rack. Amazingly enough, he'd managed to find a plain, sky blue T-shirt somewhere amidst the plethora of insanely colored clothing, which he was now eyeing speculatively. He didn't really think it was quite his color, but Radditz might like it. Glancing up, he noticed the two children approaching him, Bulma with a mischievous and triumphant gleam in her eyes, and his son with a very sullen look on his face. Bardock's eyes were immediately drawn to the flame-colored shirt the younger Saiyan was wearing, and it was all he could do to keep from bursting out laughing. Of course, he shouldn't be too amused, seeing as how he himself was dressed in a florescent green T-shirt that had been generously speckled with little red hearts and a pair of tan shorts that stopped several inches above his knees. He hated that shirt, but Bulma had made him try it on anyway. He sincerely hoped Bulma did not buy that shirt for him. It was embarrassing enough simply to be made to try it on like this.

Catching sight of his father, Radditz couldn't help but smile a little. At least he wasn't the only one suffering!

"That shirt really doesn't suit you, Bardock," Bulma said, frowning slightly as she ran a critical eye over the ensemble. Bardock let out a breath of relief at her judgment. "The shorts look good, though, so we'll get those. In fact, we probably have enough clothing for both of you now that we can move on." Both Saiyans perked up so suddenly and hopefully it was almost comic. Giving them a slow, victorious smile, the unwitting tormentor held out the piece of paper in her hands like a prize, excitedly adding, "And I know exactly what we're going to do next!"

Both Saiyans gulped simultaneously, not liking the tone of the girl's voice, and shifted their attention almost fearfully to the flyer in her hand. Still being unable to read the Chikyuu-jin language, their eyes were immediately drawn to the colorful picture at the top of the paper. It was a picture of a glassy, orange-red ball with six stars floating in the middle.

"I already checked the radar," the girl grinned cheerfully. "And it says there is a dragonball somewhere in the complex! And with you two entering, it'll be a cinch to get that six-star ball!"

Bardock had at first felt relief that what Bulma had in mind wasn't another trip to yet another store and was, in fact, merely locating and claiming another dragonball. Then her words caught up with him and his relief changed to confusion. "Enter what?" he asked, scanning the page again in the futile hope that he would be able to read the foreign words.

"The contest, of course!" Jabbing at the paper in exasperation, she rolled her eyes. "It's not like we can just steal the ball! No, we have to enter the contest, and since it's the prize for the male half of the competition, both of you have to enter!"

Narrowing his eyes in suspicion, Radditz quit looking at the paper so he could warily eye the eleven year old female. "What contest?"

That caught Bulma by surprise. "You two can't read?"

Shaking their heads in unison, the two males smiled in amusement at Bulma's flabbergasted expression. "Well, what did you expect?" the oldest of the two asked, his eyes twinkling with mirth. "Radditz and I aren't from Earth, and we've only been here for a few days, so it's not like we've had much of a chance to learn how to read."

With dawning realization in her eyes, the blue haired scientist silently vowed to teach her two temporary charges how to read at the earliest opportunity. "Okay, then, here's what the paper says. There's a swimsuit contest here at the mall in about an hour, and the prize for the male half of the competition is a ball that's reputed to have magical properties, along with a gift certificate for a free massage at the local massage parlor. With the bodies you two have, you'll blow the competition out of the water!" Smirking in a way that oddly reminded Radditz of Prince Vegeta, Bulma grabbed both males by an arm and began to drag them off to the swim wear section of the store. "Now, come on! We only have an hour to get you two the perfect swimsuits and get you over to that contest!" Oh, she was going to love this shopping trip!

Seeing the gleam in his captor's eyes, Radditz silently gulped. Proud Saiya-jin warrior that he might be, he was beginning to get the idea that Bulma was the one who was really in control. He had no idea what would be involved in this so-called swimsuit contest, but judging by the look on the blue haired girl's face, it could only spell trouble.

When he had first heard about the swimsuit contest, the only thought in his mind had been how to get to the Orange Star City Mall as quickly as possible. He couldn't help it! Beautiful women were his downfall. They attracted him like a bee to honey. Besides which, he didn't want to help it! And once these women got a load of just how studly he was, they wouldn't be able to keep their hands off him.

A sly grin filled the wrinkled face of the bald martial artist as his eyes, hidden by his dark sunglasses, longingly gazed at a petite brunette who walked in front of him, just out of reach. The luscious blonde... the leggy red-head... He just had to get closer! It was like showing a starving man a buffet. Just showing! Not letting him eat. Oooh, how he wanted to get a hold of those buns!

Getting in a couple of good pinches that elicited outraged screams from the victims, the venerable old master stepped confidently up to the check-in desk and signed his name under the column for the male competition. He didn't really care about the prize - what did he want a dragonball for? Pulling out his skimpy, bright red speedo - red, the color of love! - Muten Roshi chuckled happily to himself. No, he wasn't here for the prize. He was here for the ladies!!

Collecting his pass from the desk, Master Roshi walked cheerfully back stage and towards the dressing rooms. He was in heaven! All those beautiful women, changing into their bathing suits only a few meters away! If only he could figure out how to get into the female section of the changing area! Too bad there were guards there to prevent any wayward males from 'accidentally' entering the wrong dressing room. Oh well. He'd find a way around that little difficulty somehow. With a little leer, he thought, It's time to see what angels feel like!

Bardock stood impatiently in line, waiting for the contest to start. It was a bit embarrassing, being judged like a hunk of meat, but he didn't really mind. He was proud of his warrior's physique, and wasn't afraid to display it even to the extent that the tiny, speedo did. After the incident with the brightly colored shirts, he had been pleasantly surprised when Bulma had agreed on his choice of his personal favorite color, a muted sea green. Fortunately for him, the little onna had agreed that the green would be the most becoming on him.

Glancing at his son, he couldn't help a small smirk of amusement. He'd spent more time with Radditz in these last few weeks than he had in years, what with both of them being away on separate missions all the time. It awakened some fatherly spark of mischief in him to see his son blushing and scowling anxiously at what he had been made to wear. Radditz wasn't nearly so comfortable with exposing his body like this, or, at least, not in front of the keen hawk-like gaze that Bulma kept raking over him. The deep maroon speedo left little to the imagination, and Radditz's tail wrapped tightly around his waist, as if to provide him with just a little more covering.

As the two waited in line, Bulma examined the pair critically. Reaching out, she pulled Radditz's tail from around his waist, exclaiming, "Don't wrap your tail around your waist! The judges want to see all of your body, including your abs, and they'd probably think your tail was a tacky accessory or something like that!" Not to mention the fact that Iwant to see all of your body. Kami, he's gorgeous!

Radditz growled threateningly as a blush leapt across his cheeks and he quickly yanked himself away from her, barely able to control his body's reaction despite how relatively brief and business-like the contact with his tail had been. Bulma's eyes widened and it was her turn to blush when she remember the effect that touching his tail had had on Radditz the last time... Oops...

A tense, embarrassed silence fell over the trio, with Radditz glaring, Bulma blushing, and Bardock stuck somewhere between a sympathetic smile for his son and a wicked chortle at the boy's discomfort. It was so very entertaining to see Radditz so out of sorts!

The moment was disrupted as a familiar voice which originated from behind Radditz exclaimed creakily, "Woo, sweetheart! My name's Roshi! Maybe we could take a walk and get to know each other!" Radditz jumped and almost yelped as the leering voice was punctuated by a sharp pinch on his behind.

Whirling around, horror and rage fought for dominance on the teenage Saiyan's face as his eyes took in the person who had been behind him and had just fondled his rear end.

Roshi tugged confidently at his skimpy, bright red speedo, ignoring the disgusted yelps and white faces around him. He knew he was studly, and this angel in front of him with the spiky black hair was going to take him to heaven.

His perverted grin faded when Radditz spun around. "Hey! What happened to my pretty lady?!"

Death. That was what was in store for the old pervert. Radditz's fingers itched, burned to wrap themselves around the old man's throat. He could still feel the slight twinge from where the geezer had pinched him. Rage and shame boiled in the young Saiya-jin's blood. Oh yes. He was going to die.

Bardock glared angrily at Roshi, having seen the entire exchange, and advanced to his son's side. He had recognized the perverted martial artist immediately. This was the man that taught his son? Innocent little Goku? And now, he dared to touch his other son? At the thought of what this decrepit human had just done to his oldest son, and what he might have done to his youngest son during the period of training, he narrowed his eyes in fury.

Seeing the confusion written on Roshi's face, however, Bardock suddenly realized that, somehow, it wasn't intentional. The man had mistaken Radditz for someone else. The outrage that clouded his vision died down to a cold anger. But still... It was the principle of the thing.

Master Roshi gulped as two angry Saiyans stalked towards him. It had only taken him a moment to recognize them as Goku's family. That hair - he should have recognized it before! Not only was he deprived of his long-haired beauty, but the previous grope had lost all its thrill. Glancing down at his hand, then back up at the enraged Radditz's face, he suddenly realized that he had just fondled a male. A guy! No perky bosom to 'puff-puff', no fun to steal kisses from this source! And on top of all that, it really killed the fun to realize he now had to face two angry aliens who would probably beat him to a bloody pulp, if he was lucky.

Backing away nervously, Roshi held his hands out in a silent plea for his life, inadvertently frightening away several contestants as they caught sight of his err... interesting... physique.

Bulma watched in horrified fascination as Bardock cocked his fist back, intent on slamming it into the old man's skull, when something clicked in her mind and an ingenious inspiration struck her. "WAIT!!"

Bardock glared, but halted his fist, jerking his irritated gaze to the blue haired child. "What?"

Clapping her hands excitedly, a fiendish grin lit up Bulma's face. "Didn't you see? Everyone who catches sight of him hightails it out of here, even other guys.! Master Roshi is competition repellent! We need him if we're going to get that dragonball!"

Pausing as the full implications of what she said sank in, Bardock hesitated for just a moment longer, then slowly lowered his fist and brought his eyes back to transfix Roshi. His glare could have burned a hole in the wall. "We'll talk about this later, old man..." he promised darkly. Roshi could only gulp and nod his comprehension, his face a sickly greenish-white.

Even though the immediate threat of bodily harm had passed, Roshi fled to the back of the line in an attempt to put as much space between himself and the two Saiyans who still glared daggers at him. Several more competitors, male and female, scattered as he passed by them. He didn't noticed, too thankful to have gotten out of that mistake alive to care what the other people were doing.

The lines were short. Very short. Most of the guys had seen Roshi grope Radditz and, not knowing it had been a mistake, just weren't willing to take the chance. Who knew if the old pervert would grope them too? What did they want with some stupid orange ball anyway - even if the contest officials claimed it had some sort of magical powers? Magical powers - yeah right!

Bardock had to stop himself from glowering back at the old pervert standing at the other end of the line. As soon as this contest was over, he'd get what was coming to him. No one touched his family like that!

The women's contest had just finished, and the few women who were brave enough to remain and take the chance of an unpleasant encounter with Roshi filed back in, skirting warily past the old hentai, whose eyes behind his ever-present sunglasses were filled with a love struck, longing glint. So much smooth, bare flesh! Such wonderful figures! Sweet, sugary candy for his old eyes.

As soon as the women finished exiting the stage, the men were signaled that it was now their turn to be judged. Restraining a growl at Roshi, Bardock schooled his features to a calmer appearance and strode confidently out onto the stage, followed by Radditz, a blonde man, and a muscle builder type - the two were the only remaining competition besides Roshi - and, finally, the old pervert himself.

Bulma grinned to herself from the audience as she saw the line emerge. The remaining men were no match for either Bardock or Radditz. They had this thing in the bag!

Apparently, the audience agreed with her, as there was a stirring of appreciative murmurs from the women as Bardock stepped onto the stage. Bardock flinched, a bit uncomfortable under the hot stares of the women, and his tail curled and uncurled nervously behind his back. Being in battle was nothing like facing the hungry gazes of this audience. To be honest, it unnerved him just a little bit to have so many females - and, he noted to his intense discomfort, a few males - eyeing him in such an appraising manner. The catcalls he got from the more enthusiastic viewers, and the words they contained, brought a faint blush to his cheeks. For some reason, that only invited more of the suggestive hoots and hollers, and he had to fight very hard to keep from scratching the back of his head in embarrassment. He noted with amusement that not all of the leers and comments were aimed at him. Glancing at Radditz, he grinned as he saw his son's flaming red cheeks and twitching tail. It was nice to know someone was more embarrassed about this than he was.

The blonde and the body-builder strutted onto the stage and attempted to show their stuff, but they were, for the most part, largely ignored in favor of the two Saiyans. It wasn't until Master Roshi waltzed onto the stage, his chest puffed out in pride and the earlier incident momentarily forgotten, that the audience's attention was ripped away from Bardock and Radditz. Bardock was actually a bit thankful that the hermit had stepped on stage, since it gave him and Radditz a brief break from all the lustful and admiring stares they were getting. Perhaps he wouldn't kill Master Roshi after all. Just injure him. Severely.

"Helloooo, ladies!" Roshi crowed at the top of his lungs. "You all better pull our your fans, 'cause it's about to get real hot in here! Yeah! I know you can't resist me!" One sight of his pale, wrinkled body set most of the audience shuddering with horror. Roshi, of course, misinterpreted their reaction and beamed triumphantly. "Who's ready for some looove?! I'm the number one stud in the world, and I'm completely available! Any pretty ladies wanna date me?!"

It looked like the ancient relic would continue on in this vein, despite the obvious revulsion of the audience, but, to the everyone's immense relief, Bardock calmly paced towards Master Roshi and gave the old man a glare that would have melted steel. "Shut. Up." Roshi shut up.

Cheers erupted from the audience, making Bardock smirk faintly.

"Ahem," a woman said over a microphone, and the audience quieted down. "If we could have each contestant walk down the aisle so that the judges can make their decisions... We'd like to start with the contestant named Studmuffin." Roshi's face lit up and he eagerly stepped forward and began to walk down the catwalk that ran in front of the judging tables. The five female judges cringed, but had to force themselves to look at him critically. It was truly one of the worst moments of any of their lives.

Brenda, the primary judge and spokeswoman of the contest, picked up the microphone and continued on. "Er... thank you, *cough* Studmuffin," she choked out. "Please step backstage until the final results are in. If we could have Mr. Burick come down, now?" A collective sigh of relief ran through the audience as the speedo-clad Roshi vanished, albeit temporarily, from view. Mr. Burick, the muscle-bound body builder, smirked as he passed by Roshi. What luck! I get to go right after that scumbag pervert! The contrast alone is bound to earn me bonus points! Flexing his muscles in what he thought was an attractive manner, the man made his way to the end of the aisle and back. The same process was repeated for the blonde, a well toned, though not as well built, young man named Chu Pika. He, too, joined the others backstage.

Radditz's turn came next, and the poor teenager was once again subjected to the praise and innuendoes that floated up from the audience. The female judges all smiled faintly since they finally got to judge a male worthy of their attentions. A couple of them frowned at his widow's peak, but the others just shrugged it off. He more than made up for it with his figure! Happily thanking him for participating, Brenda directed him off the stage, then called for the final contestant.

Bardock.

If he had been uncomfortable before, it was ten times worse now! Every eye in the audience was riveted on Bardock, especially since there were no others present to distract them. Bardock flushed a bright crimson as he strode down the catwalk, tail swishing gently behind him. From the leers and whoops the ladies directed at him, he felt almost as though he wasn't wearing anything at all. Which wasn't far from the truth, in reality. If the reaction of the audience is anything to go by, it looks pretty certain that we'll get that dragonball, he thought positively, nervously turning around and heading back the way he had come. He winced as this increased the number of catcalls and references to his butt and his tail. He'd never really been all that body conscious, but during those few minutes he'd been on stage, he came about as close to it as he'd ever been in his life.

Brenda's eyes felt like they were going to fall right out of her head as she latched them onto the green speedo-clad male. He was absolutely the most gorgeous hunk of flesh she had ever seen in her life. He had the muscles that Mr. Burick had, but his were all well-earned, received from years of practical use, not from sitting around in a gym pumping iron all day. In fact, judging by the scars that could be seen on his body, she guessed that the man was a fighter. The scars did nothing to detract from his overall beauty and, in fact, enhanced it. Physical flaws showed that he was not perfect, which was a highly attractive quality in a man, in her opinion. Men with 'perfect' bodies usually made up for it with ugly personalities, or egos the size of Texas. Raking her eyes critically over his well toned legs, his cute butt, and broad, muscled chest, she didn't forget that she was supposed to be judging this guy. Oh, she was judging, all right! A little grin crossed Brenda's face and she had to concentrate to keep from drooling. This is gonna be the easiest contest I've ever judged!

Having finished appraising his body by the time he had made his way to the end of the catwalk, Brenda contentedly began to examine the rest of him. He had a very attractive face, an elfin chin, a strong, sharp nose, large eyes and elegant eye brows. And his hair was so wild! She wondered if it was like that naturally, or if he had to use hair gel to get it to stick out like that. It certainly didn't look like there was any gel in it! As Bardock started back towards the stage exit, the judge caught sight of his fuzzy brown tail. How odd... that looks almost real! Blinking to clear her mind, she dismissed the matter. Who cares if it was real or not? It looked pretty dang good on him! A silly smile slid easily onto her face as she gazed longingly at the man's back. I wonder if he's single...

Once Bardock had left the immediate view of the audience, the judges conversed quietly and compared their votes. Then they called the five contestants back on stage for the announcement of the winner. Brenda, being the spokeswoman of the judges, picked up her microphone and started speaking into it. "Thank you all for participating in this contest! The judges have all unanimously voted, and this year's winner of the Orange Star City Swimsuit Contest, whose picture will appear in the Orange Star City Swimsuit Edition Calendar, is....."

Hehehe... okay, Frozenflower, I'll tell them all that I'm the one responsible for the Roshi in a speedo scene. That originated from MY twisted mind. No one flame poor Frozenflower for my evil deeds. ^_^ *evil laughter* I've scarred you all for life with that image, haven't I? *smirks*

Frozenflower: "Yeah, not even I'm THAT evil! Talk about evil masterminds...I thought I was bad...Burenda takes the cake!"

Anyway... I've done it for almost every chapter before now, I'll probably do it just about every chapter in the future... I gotta beg for reviews! *laughs* Please review? *gives the readers puppy dog eyes*