Fan Fiction ❯ Made Of Meat ❯ Made Of Meat ( Chapter 1 )

Made Of Meat

by Rei

~madeofmeatmadeofmeatmadeofmeatmadeofmeatmadeofmeatmadeofmeatmad eofmeatmadeofmeatmadeofmeatmadeofmeat~

My name is Jeremy Wilkes and I've recently made a very disturbing discovery.

It's not easy for me to say this, but, after an extensive and painful analysis of my body, I've figured something out that I didn't want to know.

I…am made of…made of…oh god I don't know if I can say it! I'm…I'm made of…meat…

You probably want to know how I figured this out. I mean, it sounds crazy right? Made of meat. That's like saying books are made of urine. Crazy. But…after these tests I've performed, I can't deny it any longer. The evidence is right there. I've seen the meat, and it looks just like the stuff at the supermarket. Almost identical, except that the blinding pain involved from when I cut my arm open may have impaired my judgement a bit. Still, what I saw was meat.

Everywhere on my body, the same thing. Every part of me I cut open was the same. Made of meat. I figure that I'm composed almost entirely of the stuff. Fat and organs can be considered meat, as well as muscle. Bone marrow too. And blood is a part of meat as well. The only thing I can think of that's not meat is the water that makes up an unknown percentage of the human body. (I've heard it's ninety, but I've also heard it's thirty. I don't know who to trust.)

There's no getting around it. I'm made of meat.

Naturally, this is a source of great anguish to me. In a way, I'm glad I finally have something to bitch about, since all my friends ever do is cry about their lives, which seem idyllic to me. So Sophie's mom beats her and Wendell's dying of leukemia. That sucks but god. I'm made of meat! It's so shameful! You don't hate someone for having cancer or being a victim of abuse but…people are going to assume that my meaty body is my fault. I didn't mean for it to be this way! It's probably because of all the hamburgers I ate.

So it is my fault. Not only is there the humiliation I must endure because of my deformity, but I have to shoulder the guilt of it too! There's no one to blame but myself. I suck. I might as well just kill myself now. It'd be so cool to kill myself, it'd freak the shit out of everyone I know. Also, they'd all understand how miserable I was.

But maybe I should talk to a friend first. Maybe somebody can talk me out of this, or prove me wrong about the meat. God I hope I'm wrong. I'd do anything to be wrong! Nothing this bad has ever happened to me in my whole life. It's so traumatizing, I'm amazed I'm still alive. Maybe soon I won't be. Then again, if I died, they'd do an autopsy and see…they'd see that I was made of meat. They'd be horrified.

Tomorrow I'm going to my friend Koby's house. He's the most easy-going of all my friends, so telling him is a good first step. Hopefully he won't throw me out of his house when I tell him the terrible, terrible truth.

~madeofmeatmadeofmeatmadeofmeatmadeofmeatmadeofmeatmadeofmeatmad eofmeatmadeofmeatmadeofmeatmadeofmeat~

I knock lightly on Koby's door, looking for shapes in the powder blue paint chips as I wait for him to answer. I knock again, harder this time, hoping he'll respond. "Coming!" he yells in a slightly gurgling voice. Soon he's at the door, looking quite disheveled. His glasses are hanging off his ear, his light brown hair is a rat's nest, and he's panting. "Jeremy, hi!" he squeaks. "I thought you weren't coming for another hour. Look dude, you gotta go. Felicia hasn't left yet, and we were in the middle of…man, I was just about to come, too. Oh well. Look, man, so can you disappear for a little while?"

Felicia. Sweet, beautiful Felicia, the girl of my dreams ever since Koby started dating her. The two of them didn't really go together, Koby's quiet…studious…a nerd. Felicia's vivid and exciting, a gorgeous girl with brown hair dyed magenta and big stomping boots. I'm convinced that I'm perfect for her, so long as she doesn't learn the secret in the dark recesses of my soul. But Koby is in the way of our true happiness. I'll never have a girlfriend, I'm never gonna get laid. Yet another reason why I should kill myself.

"Koby I've had enough anyway!" Felicia yells. "Lemme just put on my clothes and I'll be out of here." My heart leaps as she says this, but I still know I don't stand a chance. Not up against a meatless person.

"Crap, thanks for ruining it Jeremy," Koby mutters, quiet so Felicia can't hear. "Fine, okay, come in. Jesus." See what I mean? He's laid back. Anyone else would have killed me.

I do so, pushing past his sweaty self and sitting down on the couch. Almost immediately, cat hair starts sticking to my clothes, to my beautiful hard earned chain pants. That's almost worth suicide, I babysat brats for six weeks to buy these babies, and I need to look good on the outside if I'm going to hide my meaty inside. But I have to tell Koby, someone needs to know about my pain.

The cat, a mangy, purring gray creature, rubs up on my leg and I kick her away. After a few minutes Koby comes in, having sent Felicia home. "Heh," he says. "She left her extra pair of panties here. I'm not giving them back."

"Great," I say, not giving a damn. His happiness angers me, mocks me at the depths of my infinite misery. Also, it's kind of disgusting. I don't think Felicia would be very appreciative to know her boyfriend's getting off on her panties instead of her.

"So what didja wanna come over here for?" Koby asks, plopping down beside me on the couch. He coaxes the kitty over and I snort in disgust. "What?" he says, looking up at me, confused.

"I bloody hate cats," I say, trying not to look at the thing. "Anyway look Koby, I've got something important to tell you. I don't know how you're going to take this, but I hope that you'll still be my friend."

Koby sighs, pats me on the back. "It's okay Jeremy, I understand. Wendell's gay too, remember? And I still like him."

I shake my head, wishing to God that that were it. Being gay would be no big deal, though possibly something to cut myself over because of the stupid homophobes who'd make fun of me. As it is though, I'm straight, and I want more then anything to make love to Felicia. I'd love to be gay if that would somehow negate my meaty insides. "No, Kobe, that's not it. This is really bad, I don't think you'll ever want to talk to me again after this…" I let a tear escape my heavily make-upped eyes, wanting to appear as miserable as possible.

"Well then what is it?" Koby says, rubbing at his brown eyes underneath his glasses. "What's the problem?"

"I…" I pause, take a deep breath. "I…I'm…Koby I'm made…I'm made of meat."

There. I'd said it. Now Koby would have to help me somehow, I wouldn't have to fight this out alone. And he'd know I was suffering, thus validating it.

But instead he's laughing his head off, mocking me! "You've got to be kidding me!" he yelps, covering his face with both hands. "Jeremy…you're not serious are you?"

I put my arms protectively around myself, shocked. Of course I'm serious! Why would I lie about something so horrific? "Koby it's true. I know it'll be hard to accept but…I am made of meat. Most of my body is…meat. I cut myself open to see, I know. I've got the scars and everything, and if you want I can slice myself up all over again. But I don't know if you can stomach it."

"Damn straight I can't," Koby says, sobering up a bit. "I don't wanna see you mutilate yourself, that's stupid. Anyway, are you honestly telling me that you didn't know you had muscles and organs and things before? Those are meat, man."

"Koby, these are totally different from ordinary muscles. Ordinary muscles are made of something else, not…meat…" The word is getting harder and harder to say, each time further revealed what is repulsive about me.

"Dude, everybody's made of meat," Koby says, shifting position to accommodate his cat, who had jumped up onto the couch to be petted. "Every single human being in the entire world is basically meat, and so is every single animal. Plants, robots, and I guess some unicellular organisms and um…viruses, well they aren't made of meat, but everything else is. I don't see what the big deal is."

"Can't you see how disgusting it is?" I ask, horrified that he might think something like this was okay.

"No, not really."

I'm crying now, I hate him for trivializing my agony, want to stab him in the heart for pretending this is normal. Being made of meat is not a normal thing! He doesn't know what it's like to live in a body like this, to be trapped in it. I decide to tell him this. "You have no idea what it's like to be made of MEAT!" I shriek, punching him hard on his tee-shirt clad shoulder.

:"Damn it, that hurt!" Koby yells, sounding slightly annoyed. "Anyway, yes Jeremy, I do know what it's like to made of meat, I am!"

I don't believe him, not for a minute. And even if he is, this is my tragedy. I'm not going to let him take that away from me. "No no no!" I shout. "I'm the only one! I'm so ashamed…"

"Look, Jeremy, if you're going to act crazy then I don't know what to tell you. It's pretty much common knowledge that every human being in the world is made of meat. It's not a cause of shame, it just is. I think you're just trying to find some problem to make yourself miserable about. But look Jeremy, if you're so desperate to be an angsty teenager, at least pick something plausible. Like, I dunno, some girl dumped you, or you're failing school or something."

"Oh you don't understand," I moan dramatically, lying down so my head is on his lap. He pushes at me, trying to get the meat he denies away from him, but I stay put. If he can't accept it then I won't let him get away from it. "No one understands me."

"Yeah no kidding," he says, finally succeeding in removing my head. "You're an idiot. People with brains can't relate."

"Thank you very much for your support Koby!" I say, furious and ready to kill him. "The one time I come to you for help, you call me an idiot! I guess you're just too macho to deal with feelings!"

Great exit, I'll have to leave now. I do so, knocking his nasty cat over in the process of standing up. I stomp out the door, holding onto every scrap of dignity I have left. I may be made of meat, but I will not be treated this way!

"Fine," Koby says, flipping on the TV. "See if I care."

~madeofmeatmadeofmeatmadeofmeatmadeofmeatmadeofmeatmadeofmeatmad eofmeatmadeofmeatmadeofmeatmadeofmeat~

If even Koby doesn't understand, I don't think that there's anyone in the world who will. If even my dearest, most understanding friend would shun me at my time of need, imagine how everyone else would react! My parents would throw me out, my friends would abandon me…I don't think I can take that kind of trauma! So my only recourse is to kill myself. It's the perfect solution really, then they'd all really feel my pain. Maybe when they find out I'm made of meat they'll pity me rather then scorn me, since people tend to idealize the dead.

So okay, I'll have to commit suicide. It's not as though my life is worth living after finding out something so sickening about myself. I'll never get into college like this, never get a job or have a girlfriend…I certainly won't get into Harvard and become a lawyer like my parents want, and there's no way my girlfriend will be anything more then a nose-picking pimple-faced freak. She'd be no Felicia, that's for sure.

I'll have to kill myself in the most dramatic way possible, nothing else will do. My intention is to terrify the world.

I smile to myself as the perfect death method comes to me. I'm made of meat, I'll eat myself! I'll chop off little bits of my flesh and put on some seasoning…I can fry `em up, if I'm going to be dead I don't have to worry about a healthy diet. And I've always dearly loved fried foods. I almost killed myself when I realized how unhealthy they were, but then I consoled myself with a nice big bucket of KFC.

I sit down on my bed, and pull my special knife of misery out from under the mattress. I push the knife into my arm, twisting it to make a beautiful spiral of blood. The pain is bad, but nothing I'm not used to. Nothing can compare to being made of meat! As I dig deeper it hurts more, so much so that I'm crying. That's okay, if my parents discover my corpse with a face stained by tears, they'll be able to more fully understand my misery. Perhaps I should leave a note…? No, no, it's more dramatic if they're confused.

I finally dislodge a piece of flesh, and I run to the kitchen, suppressing the urge to get a Band-Aid and forget about it. I dump random seasoning on the bloody bit, not really knowing what it is, too focused on the pain to care. I pour oil in the frying pan, fire it up and wait, biting my lip to keep from screaming. I do the same thing over and over, until I have a whole panful and I can barely use my arms. I have to stick my face in the frying pan to eat myself, and I hope the smoke and searing pain will kill me. Burns on my face would look so cool.

My flesh tastes strange, might have been good if I wasn't in so much agony. Maybe this isn't the best idea. I don't like this at all, the pain was scary and I don't want to die anymore. "Ma…ma…" I say, trying to pick myself up from the pan but too weak from blood loss at this point. "Ma…ma…" I keep calling for her, for my mommy to come and save me. I know it's futile, know I'm going to die but…god why was I so stupid? So what if I'm made of meat, I could have gotten around it, could have dealt with it somehow…but it's too late now.

My face is nearly gone now and I'm losing my ability to think…I can't see…can't breathe now from the smoke…eventually everything's just…gone…

~madeofmeatmadeofmeatmadeofmeatmadeofmeatmadeofmeatmadeofmeatmad eofmeatmadeofmeatmadeofmeatmadeofmeat~

She always figured she'd be the first in her family to die, since Maya Wilkes is in far poorer health then her husband, and one never expects her little boy to die unless he's got some dread disease. She's talked extensively with Jeremy's friend Wendell's mother about her son's impending death, but Maya never thought her own son would go.

It's so hard to believe, impossible to even think about. Her son is dead but she has no idea why. She found him face down in a frying pan, cooking his face in hot oil, with bits of flesh from his arms half-chewed in his mouth. Sure Jeremy was kind of mopey, but he had no real problems that she knows of, she just doesn't understand why the boy had killed himself.

The funeral is hell because she can't explain herself, Jeremy's friend Sophie's sure Maya's been beating him, and she spends the whole funeral hounding her about it. Maya's never laid a hand on the boy, except for once when he wrecked her paperwork at out spite. And that was just a quick slap in the face, nothing serious. She'd never have hurt him. She doesn't like that Sophie's accusing her, doesn't want to think about what the rest of the world must think.

Her husbands blaming her too, saying it's her fault because he's never around, it's got nothing to do with him. It doesn't occur to Harold that maybe that's the problem. Maybe Jeremy just needed a father figure in his life. She has no idea at this point.

The only person who seems to know anything is Jeremy's friend Koby, who can't stop shaking his head at the gravesite, muttering about what an idiot he was. Maya wants to ask him what he knows, but she's not sure she wants to talk to someone who thought her dearly departed baby was dumb.

She's just so confused, and she'd do anything for answers. She wishes she could have helped her boy when he was still alive, whatever was bothering him could probably have been fixed somehow. Whatever it was, he probably didn't need to die over it, and for a moment Maya hates him for being such a coward. Life is to be lived, not chickened out of. She'll admit, some people have a legitimate cause for killing themselves, she doesn't deny the existence of the hopeless case. But Maya knows in her heart that her Jeremy was not one of those sad people.

Maya just wishes she would have noticed something, that he would have opened his mouth. But she'd been busy with work and it had come on so suddenly. Now she has guilt eating at her insides, strangling every breath out of her lungs. All she wants is her baby back, and she doesn't see why he was taken in the first place.

~madeofmeatmadeofmeatmadeofmeatmadeofmeatmadeofmeatmadeofmeatmad eofmeatmadeofmeatmadeofmeatmadeofmeat~

Rei: Sorry if anyone's offended by this. This isn't railing against people with real problems, quite the opposite in fact. This is railing against people who invent problems for themselves because they think it makes them special. It doesn't, it just makes them miserable. Jeremy is an idiotic example of this, but hell, it is idiotic. He ends his life because of an issue he invents.

Okay, make me shut up. Bye bye, and please leave a review!