Fan Fiction ❯ Poetry section ❯ Father ( Chapter 7 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Father

Why is it always me

Why the older child

Why not the challenged child

Am I the one who's troubled

Is that why you praise him

And say I could do better

Is it because he takes after you

And I take after mother

Is it because I'm female

Maybe I could do better

And so what if I do

You won't notice cause you never see

I grew up in the city

I know what goes on

I know the real reasons

I'm the older one, you always say

You are his role model

Show him to do the best he can

He can't, you know that

It isn't his fault

Those are your words

I always keep it in

Never say what's on my mind

Because I know it would be wrong

I used to know you so well

You used to be careful

You used to choose your words

You still do, just not for me

You're stronger and can handle it

He's young and takes it personally

I know he's taken my place

I know he's going to fill my shoes

I know he doesn't take things personally

All you see is lies

All you see is him being troubled

And pulling through strong and hard

But you don't see me falling

Don't see the hurt in my eyes

The fear in my voice

All you see is a girl that isn't

And a son that is

Who is the younger you

Why can't I go out and be with my friends

Why can't go somewhere

Without you accusing me of running away

I'm not you, Dad

I never will be

I'm not going to be reckless

I'm not going to talk to strangers

I'm not going to take things from them either

And I'm not going to be one of them

One of those other teenagers

Ones that got kidnapped

Ones that got drunk

That's not me

That's not you either

That was you

I won't turn out like you either

I won't smoke

I won't get into fights or get arrested

It's always me

The older one who actually knows

The one who knows what goes on

I try to get your attention

Change my clothes

Lower my grades

But your attention is still on him

You buy him everything

Even when he screams and yells

He can barely read

and he's in second grade

after already failing first

I could read before I went into Kindergarten

I knew the alphabet

I could do math

But no

That isn't anymore

I'm not the same

I used to be silent

Used to be kept

Even with my friends

And you hated it

Wanted to hear me speak

To use words beyond my years

And now I do

And you regret the wish

Regret the words I use against you

Now you try to take away my friends

Take away all that I have

All that keeps me smiling

You see, it isn't him I blame

It isn't my brother

The one valued more than me

I love him more than I do you

He's there for me

Cares for me

Not that you don't either

You're there, just not a lot

You care, just don't show it much

It's you I blame

It's you for all you don't do

It's for all the stuff you do for him

Why can't you just see

I'm not a little girl

I know how to take care of myself

And unlike you

I know how to pick my friends

That will stand by me

While you have lost all of your friends

I bet you made a promise

That they would always be your friends

My friends aren't my friends

They are my family

They are my life

I know you hate some of them

Hate the way they dress

Hate the way they talk

Well deal with it

Cause you know what

That's who I am too

I don't show who I am

I don't admit to my feelings

All because of you

You made it to where I hide in shame

Made it to where I feel afraid

Made it to where my voice isn't heard

I want to go home

Not the house we live in

But home

Where I can be myself

Where I can do what I can

And get praise

Where I don't have to do sports

Write stories

Or create art to be worthy

Where I can just sit down

And my father will love me

For who I am

Not what I can do

Or what I look like

Or who are my friends

Just for sake of me

Your daughter

The one you used to talk about

You used to shout to the world

Boast and smile and grin

Used to put on your shoulders

To show that I was yours