Disclaimer: Don't own them, if I did I wouldn't be a poor college student.

Starfall, Moonset

By: Irish

Chapter Two: Fire and Ice

Remus settled in on the couch, tugging off his battered muggle sweatshirt as he did. He stared, eyes unseeing, into the fire.

"Sirius, Sirius, Sirius." Remus moaned, covering his face with his hands. Why couldn't they catch a break. It had been twelve years…. Twelve, long ungodly years, but they were as distant as ever. Remus could understand, with the logical part of his mind why this was so. He could tell, just by looking at him, that unspeakable things had been done to his beloved, and that kind of pain wasn't fixed with a hug, a kiss, and a shag. He however, had held out hope that when Sirius finally came to him… he would want comfort, as lovers, would want to be held and soothed. The reality was that he could barely stand to be touched and Remus was going to be sleeping on the bloody couch. But Merlin did he ache all over. It felt like every centimeter of his skin was bruised, broken or abraded.

"Bloody fucking couch… should have gotten a fold out…." He muttered as he took out his wand. Giving the couch a good whack with his wand and muttering an expanding charm he at least made it big enough so he could fully stretch out on it. It was still hard and lumpy, but at least it wasn't the floor. Remus lightly ran a hand over the tawny hair scattered very lightly on his chest before folding his hands under his head and staring up at the ceiling. Forcing himself to be optimistic Remus reminded himself that Sirius was both alive, and free….well out of Azkaban least wise, and everything beyond that could be worked on.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

All pervasive consuming cold, the kind of cold that sunk its fingers so deep in your soul you froze from the inside out , and it hurt, like liquid nitrogen. It burned, burned like dry ice against your skin. The blackness behind those gray hoods was frigid space with ice chip stars for eyes. Whoever thought the night sky was soft and warm like jewels on velvet had obviously never been to Azkaban.

Water dripped an under lying rhythm to the music of this third hell, the punctuations of screams like electric guitar solos and mad laughter rolling drums. Oh yeah, life was a song alright. His cell stank of urine and mildew and fear. The smell of sex had finally faded, it was that smell that disgusted him the most. The smell of the half rancid semen drying on the stone floor, or on his body or robes. It wasn't so bad when one of the Death Eaters was rewarded with Sirius's body…. But sometimes the dementors took a turn.

The sound of metal against stone filled the inky room, and Sirius felt as if all of space had just filled his cell. He almost vomited, would have if there had been anything in him to empty. There was only one reason they ever entered his cell. He didn't turn to them, couldn't.

"Hey there Siri… I tattled on some o' me block mates. Got me a right purddy reward." Sirius could hear the leer in the mans voice. Already his anal muscles tensed in protest, still sore and torn from the last 'reward'. Still he did not turn, seeing would only make it worse. In the space of a breath his robes had been jerked up over his head, tangling around his arms pinning them above his head. Sirius grunted trying to draw breath as he was crushed against the wall, hips gripped in two meaty hands, he could already feel the bruises forming. His hips were jerked back, exposing him. He could hear himself whimpering and keening in fear as he struggled to escape those two hands but he was too tired, too hungry, too lost.

He felt like he had been impaled with a frozen pipe as big around as his fist. He tried to scream but an arm came around his throat choking him, forcing his back to bow. 'No, no, god no.' his mind chanted in constant mantra as the flesh covered lead pipe pistoned in and out of him, his equilibrium wavering as his brain started to loose oxygen. The arm crooked over his throat was cutting off most of his air, the tangled robes, stiff with grime, holding in what carbon dioxide he expelled.

'Autoerotic asphyxiation' Sirius thought to himself fuzzily. A burning stream of liquid fire shot through him and the man cold-fucking him grunted and snorted in pleasure. Three drips later the man pulled from Sirius roughly, with a wet squelching noise. The arm around his throat released and Sirius gasped and choked for air, wrestling with the robes around his head as he collapsed to the floor, sobbing. Finally he wrenched them from his face panting, even the sickly dungeon air was the sweetest he had tasted in that moment.

When the world stopped spinning and Sirius lay naked on his heaped robes, he finally had the strength to feel delicately between his legs, assessing the damage. Slowly he brought his hand back to his face, feeling it coated in something. His palm cradled great clots of blood and rotting flesh black beetles crawling through it, and then he felt them, thousands more of them crawling inside of him, in his body, and over the backs of his legs, and he screamed-

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Remus almost fell off the couch he sat up so fast, blood pounding his ears. For a moment he was unsure what had awoken him, and he looked around frantically, wolf sense cued. When Sirius screamed again Remus though for sure his ear drops were blown in to oblivion. Leaping to his feet he yanked his wand from the pocket of his muggle jeans that he had fallen asleep in, and sprinted headlong into his bedroom, expecting Sirius to be under attack.

The room was still but for Sirius who lay thrashing on the bed. The light from the candles placed about was dim, but by far enough for the ex professor to see that is was entirely devoid of any harm or threat. With a relieved sigh, Remus shoved his wand back into his pocket moving over to the bed and laying a hand on his friends shoulder. Sirius sat up like the arm of a catapult, sitting straight and rigid, his breath ragged as sweat poured from him.

"No! Please! Don't!"

"Siri, Siri, its okay, its just a dream." Remus soothed, touching his cheek. "You're safe, no one knows you are here."

"Remmy?" Sirius turned to face him slowly. "Oh god, Remmy, is it truly you? This isn't a dream?"

Remus's tense expression melted with the lost need in his once lover's voice, and he took his gaunt face between his long fingered hands. "Yes baby, its me, you're at my place, remember? You fell asleep In the tub and I brought you to bed. You're safe."

The gentle timbre of Moony's voice soothed Sirius further and he slumped against the warm strong body beside him, resting his head on Remus's shoulder, trying to catch his breath. "I was having a flash back… or a dream… or something…. There was this guy… who had a thing for autoerotic asphyxiation… and he was choking me…."

"Autoerotic? No baby, if he was choking you that's Sadistic, if he was doing it to himself it would be autoerotic." Remmy corrected with out thinking.

Sirius paused, thinking about that a moment. Sadistic Asphyxiation… not autoerotic…. The fear drained from him suddenly, as if by knowing its proper name laid it to rest. Sirius wished it was that easy. More then likely it was just Remus's presents, what he had craved so long, finally given to him. He had always felt safe with Remus. But Sirius no longer had the luxury of safety or love. Those things were no longer his to posses, and he pulled out of Moony's loose embrace, flopping back on the pillows.

"Thanks Remus. Its all under control now, just a bad dream."

"You're welcome Siri, do you want me to stay with you." The werewolf tried not to sound hopeful, but Merlin how he craved the warm body of his lover next to him.

"No, and don't call me Siri." Sirius snipped back, pulling the blankets up over his nude self. "I've been on my own twelve years now. I don't need a nanny now, just because it works out for you."

"What? Was I supposed to break into Azkaban? Rot in a cell with the man I though had betray us… me … in the worst way possible?"

"No, believing me innocent and visiting now and again would have been okay." Sirius turned his back to his friend, curling on his side.

"You didn't do me the courtesy of benefit of the doubt, and I was accused of no crime save in your mind." Remus stood abruptly, glaring hard at the narrow back that barely was a wrinkle in the quilt.

"Spare me, you didn't loose twelve years of your life."

"No. I didn't, you are right. My apologizes. You're still serving that sentence Siri, they still hold you prisoner… even if you are physically free. Don't kid yourself about that." Remus put one knee on the bed, leaning down and kissing Sirius's forehead.

"Damnit Remmy, stop acting like if you just do the right things or say the right lines suddenly I will remember how madly in love with you I was and fall into your arms. I do remember, but that was then, things have changed and I don't love you any more."

"Fine with me. Problem with that is, wolves mate for life. I will love you from now until the day I die. I can't move on, or forget or pretend I don't feel like this because I do. I'm sorry that that makes life a little more difficult for you, but its one of those lycanthropic side effects. Sleep tight Siri." Remus forced a nonchalance he didn't feel, his heart was in his throat, and he felt like weeping over the entire situation, but reverse psychology had always worked like…. Well, like a charm on Sirius, who hated to be told what to do. Making sure the animangis was well tucked in Remus padded from the room shutting the door all but a crack.

The fire in the hearth was but embers casting an eerie glow about the small cottage as Remus stood, one hand tangled in his hair, the other resting on his hip. He almost wished Sirius had stayed away, it would hurt less. But he was here, and he would continue to be here until he had gained enough weight to look human again, and if Remus had any say in it, until his mind was held together by more then just sheer will power. That said, he would be here months. Months of gut wrenching heart ache…. Oh yes this would be pleasant. Remus barked out a peel of bitter laughter, before padding barefoot back over to his enlarge couch and lowering himself to it carefully, adding one more stone to the wall around his heart.