Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ ~:~ Failure ~:~ ❯ Chapter 1

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

 

~:~ My heart still bleeds, my soul still cries.

My wrists still ache,

Proof that you're not in my life~:~ me: Anything.

:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:*:* :*:*:*:*

 

~:~:~: Failure :~:~:~

 

I'm sorry.

 

I've failed.

 

I've broken every promise I've ever made. Every one of them. I've let down everyone I love. Everyone who I ever cared for. And you know what?

 

I was a fucking lunatic to ever think I could amount to something worthy.

 

Really. When Mom died, I made a promise to myself.

 

`I won't let Daddy get hurt again.'

 

That's why I started to fight. So that I would be able to protect Daddy, even if I didn't save my mommy. I found Zangan, and he taught me everything I know.

 

But guess what?

 

Even if Zangan praised me for being his star pupil, I failed at the one thing I had sworn to do. I broke the one promise I had made to myself.

 

I let Daddy die.

 

Maybe it was Sephiroth's sword that killed him, but I should've been there. I should've made an attempt to save him.

 

But I didn't.

 

Instead I got whacked by Sephiroth's blade. I still have that scar.

 

I broke my secret promise to Aeris too. You didn't know about the secret of course. It was a girl thing.

 

I promised her that I wouldn't let Sephiroth kill her.

 

Stupid me. I made a promise I couldn't keep. I told one of my best friends, one of my closest friends, that she wouldn't be murdered in cold blood.

 

She did die. By Sephiroth's hand. Right in front of me… Once again I had broken a promise.

 

Once again I'd failed someone I cared about.

 

Once again I felt like a dirty piece of shit.

 

I failed Marlene and Denzel too.

 

Did I stop Loz from kidnapping her? No. I got the shit beat out of me instead.

 

Did I heal Denzel, did I keep my own promise to be his mother, and did I do everything in my power to stop his pain?

 

No. I didn't. Now I know that I would've made an awful mother. I can't even save an orphan that I see as my own son.

 

I'm evil.

 

I have to be. I have to be insane to keep living, to keep tormenting others.

 

I thought about suicide. I would've finally rid the world of a nasty little parasite like me. It was the night when we found out that Denzel had Geostigma.

 

I was chopping some vegetables for a salad. You weren't there. You were out delivering a package.

 

I stopped suddenly and looked at that big knife. The dim lights from the bar shined off of its surface.

 

It was practically taunting me. Leading me. Tempting me.

 

I had put the knife to my wrist and I just…stopped.

 

I was afraid to die. Gods I must sound like a fucking coward.

 

So, I threw away the knife and the veggies, and ordered out.

 

I felt dirty. I felt ashamed and stupid.

 

But then again that's been most of my life.

 

I suppose my biggest failure was you. I promised to heal you.

 

I didn't.

 

I promised to be there, to let you know that there was someone who loved and cared about you with no ulterior motives.

 

I probably failed at that too.

 

That's the only reason you avoid me nowadays.

 

You're probably reading this right now and thinking, `God just shut up already. Who wants to be a part of your pity party?'

 

I don't give a fuck about pity. Or mercy for that matter. In fact, those who think that I need someone who'll cuddle up to me and go,

 

`It's alright baby' can kiss my ass. I don't need your pity. I'm not asking for it, I don't want it, and I sure as hell don't deserve it.

 

I'm just telling you the things in my heart on paper. Funny how these things can come out more smoothly when I can't see your face.

 

When I won't see the revulsion and rejection in your eyes.

 

I love you Cloud. That's the one thing I know that I haven't completely failed at. I love you with all that I am.

 

That's why, I'm leaving. I'm freeing you. You don't have to be tied down to me anymore.

 

Bye.

Tifa Lockheart

 

~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~: ~:~:

 

 

Cloud Strife held the letter in his hands. His breath was short, practically constricting in his throat. “No,” he whispered.

 

He flew up the stairs and slammed open Tifa's bedroom door.

 

It was empty.

 

The shelves that had once carried all of Tifa's memories, photos and such, were gone. Cloud pulled open one of the drawers to her dresser.

 

Empty.

 

“It's true.” He breathed. “She's gone.”

 

He plopped down on the bed, a numb feeling starting to settle in his gut.

 

Tifa was really gone.

 

Cloud buried his face in his hands.

 

Fuck... he thought. Fuck Fuck Fuck!!

 

“Cloud?”

 

Marlene's soft voice broke through his thoughts. He snapped his head towards the young girl.

 

“Tifa left a few minutes ago.” She whispered. “Maybe you could…find her?”

 

Cloud shot up and strode towards the door.

 

Marlene heard the front door of the bar slam. She began to sniffle, only to feel Denzel's arms around her.

 

“He'll get her back.” He murmured into her hair. “He's Cloud. He always saves the day.”

 

She snuggled deeper in his arms. “Yeah…” she breathed.

 

~:~:~:~:~:~:~~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~: ~:~:~:~

 

Cloud sprinted down the streets of Edge, the rain outside plastering his once spiky mane to his head.

Tifa…please…don't go…

 

The mantra repeated in his head over and over, until he had become desperate.

 

That's when he saw her. She has curled on a bench, the rain soaking through her clothes and enhancing her figure.

 

“Tifa,” Cloud breathed in relief. Tifa was only a few feet away, her fragile shoulders shaking. A duffle bag sat at her side. Thunder rolled and rumbled. The rain pelted against them harder, making it difficult to see.

 

Cloud swallowed the lump in his throat and quietly walked in front of Tifa, waiting for her to notice him.

 

Tifa fought down another wave of sobs, clenching her fists until her knuckles were white.

 

I did the right thing. She thought. I set him free. He won't ever have to see my face again.

 

She pulled her knees closer to her chest and shut her eyes. “Why,” she whispered, “does the right thing have to hurt so much?”

 

“Because it not the right thing.”

 

Her head shot up and crimson orbs met Mako blue.

 

“W-what are y-you doing here?” she stuttered.

 

Cloud didn't say anything. He simply stared at her, never blinking.

 

The silence between them grew, until it became a great maw, yet another barrier separating them.

 

Tifa swallowed thickly and looked down, resting her forehead on her knees.

 

Cloud felt a tic forming in his jaw. Fuck it.

 

Without saying a word, he yanked her up by her bicep and into an alleyway.

 

“What the fuck were think thinking?” he asked, his voice a deadly calm.

 

Tifa whimpered slightly as the grip on her arm tightened into a vice. She bit her lip in an effort to stop herself from breaking down. She heard him growl, before two arms pressed her close to a warm body. Her eyes widened as she felt him nuzzle the top of her hair, murmuring something under his breath that she didn't quite hear.

 

“Cloud,” she said, voice cracking slightly, “let go.”

 

His arms tightened around her, a cage that she wasn't quite sure she wanted to get out of.

 

“Cloud, please!” she said, struggling now. “Just, let go!” Tifa put her hands on his chest and pushed, using all of her strength. But he wouldn't let go.

 

“Let go,” she whispered, sobs creeping into her voice as she slumped back in his arms. “Let go…”

 

Cloud fisted a hand in her hair and gently tilted her head back.

 

“No.”

 

Tifa gasped as he lowered his head and skimmed the skin of his lips, gently against hers. Her hands clenched his shirt, not even daring to breathe as he rested his forehead against hers.

 

“I'm not letting you go.”

 

He pressed his lips against hers again, for a fraction of a second before drawing back.

 

“Not now,”

 

Another kiss.

 

“Not ever…”

 

This time, when he kissed her, she surrendered. She moaned slightly, wrapping her arms around his neck to clench his hair while he held her against him.

 

When they surfaced for air, Cloud was proud to see her panting slightly, her lips bruised.

 

A sentence from her note began to echo in his mind as he lowered his head again.

 

`I love you Cloud.'

 

She loves me…

 

`I love you with all that I am.'

 

Tifa…

 

He kissed her eyelids, gently, hearing her softly murmur his name.

 

`I love you Cloud.'

 

Cloud traced her slender jaw line with butterfly kisses, stopping when he had reached the corners of her mouth. Her quick breaths fell on his lips and he swallowed. They stared at each other, rain soaking them through, though Cloud didn't feel the cold.

 

All he could focus on was that one sentence.

 

“How long?” he asked softly.

 

Tifa breathed and tried to catch his lips again whispering, “Since the Well…”

 

She was addicting, Cloud decided, like warm sugar.

 

Kissing her again, he gently cupped the back of her head and held her there. He broke the kiss, only to whisper into her ear,

 

“I love you.”

 

Her arms wrapped themselves around his waist and she kissed him again.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~~*~*~*~*~*~

 

Ramblings: *coughs.* Wow. My first angst fic. I'm actually really proud of this one. I've read a lot of good Cloti fics out there, with a lot of wonderfully written Angsty! Tifa. Sadly, most of them are Unrequited Love ones. So, I decided to try angst, in a different view. I detest love triangles. I really do. So, I was thinking, ` How does Tifa feel about Niblehiem?[sp?]' I mean, if Cloud feels that bad, how must SHE feel considering the fact that she had to live THROUGH it! So, I wrote this. And an OOC cloudy-kun too. I'm sorry….

 

The quote up there is a poem in the making for me….YAY!!