InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Fragment of Eternity ❯ Suicide In the Moonlight ( Chapter 20 )

Disclaimer: Yeah, yeah, yeah- you've heard it all before. . .

Author's Note: Quick- before anything else- I just want to apologize for the angst/romance one-shot I posted. I've gotten very interesting reviews for it- some loved it, some despised it with a passion, and some asked if I was feeling okay. ^_^; Let me assure you I'm feeling perfectly fine- I just wanted to try a new genre. I doubt there will be many more- if ANY more- fics like that. Okay? Okay. ^_^

I'm also sorry it took so long to update. My brothers have some big school projects coming up, and they needed the computer. True, yes, I have a lap top- but I really didn't feel like writing, anyway. ^_^; Call it mean- but I wanted to draw out the time between chapters a bit? Why?

T_T Because this fic is almost over and I don't want it to end!

But. . .

I do promise to try and update quicker next time. ^_^;;

One: ~…though I still don't get what Miroku meant about having more unexpected businuess…~

You don't get it because you're not supposed to, really. ^_^ It will be explained later- though some of you, I'm sure, have already pieced it together.

Two: I got a few comments about the "fluff" in previous chapters. Some of you were saying it wasn't really what you'd call "fluff". And honestly, I wouldn't call a lot of it really "fluffy" either. However, in comparison to the other things that goes on. . . ^_^; There is a lot of tiny fluff scattered all around this story, and a few big FLUFFY scenes, ne? That's how I see it, anyway. . . (And yes, femininity is a word. My spell-check says so. ^_~)

Three: Moonlit Seductress- (love your pen name, btw. ^_~) Sure you can use the line- provided you give me credit for it. ^_~ {Just say you quoted it from my story, that's all! No biggie.} I know what it's like to be inspired by someone elses works- and inspired and copying are two different things, in my book. ^_^ . . . Does that make sense? ^_^;;;;;;

Four: ~What does 'momiji' mean...?~

A Momiji is a type of tree. ^_^

Five: ~about sango and miroku... its just a bit odd at the beginning :) not that i mind them being kags friends but didnt she call them on buissnes level first? isnt there goning to be something about money? after all they spend a lot of time at kags... well perhaps they just forgot about it after making such a great new friend with kagome.~

A very good point. ^_^ However- perhaps it's just me- but if you're gonna have someone living in your house- even if they're just working for you- you might as well become friends with them, right? Besides, Kag is just that kind of person. ^_~

As for money- I don't think they'd have the heart to charge her for just hanging out at her house. Just the extermination bill- if that. ^_~

Umm. . . I think that's all. ^_^

Please enjoy and R&R! (Sorry this is a sort of short chapter- it's late. T_T)

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~Fragment of Eternity~

Chapter Twenty: Suicide in the Moonlight

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Darkness.

Complete, eternal, inky blackness that seemed the stretch to infinity and back, wrapping around one's body like the most velvety of blankets.

And then. . .

Out of the abyss. . .

Flickered a weak, orange glow. . .

The flaming wick of a tiny white candle: a beacon that stood upright upon it's end- thanks to the help of melted wax that was quickly pooling around its base.

"Finally. . ."

Kagome cupped her hand around the minuscule ray of light, trying to capture its essence and guide it in the direction she needed it to fall: Down. Down to the ground. Down to the open book that lay on the cold attic floor.

`Stupid, gusty room. . . I'm all out of matches, now. This one better stay on longer than the last few. . ."

The flame doubled itself in her eyes as she stared intently at it, the mirrored fires dancing in her blue-gray irises as she bit her lip to keep from yawning. Sleep was trying its best to cloud her senses- the oddly comforting darkness trying to lull her into unconsciousness. She fought it- blinking against the heavy numbness that was trying to swallow her limbs. Resting against her stomach and elbows, she glanced at her digital watch.

12:10 AM.

Sighing, she allowed her eyes to fall upon the bound volume that lay open near the crook of her arms; parallel to her shoulders as she leaned over it- squinting through the dreary light to make out the words. Kikyo's diary. She barely had a third of the journal left to go! She wanted to finish it- now- before Inu-Yasha discovered her and what she was doing.

Inu-Yasha. . .

Another small sigh escaped her as her gaze once again drifted- this time behind her and up at least five feet. . . towards the noose that still hung limply from the ceiling. Her hands itched when she focused on it, her body shaking with the anticipation of standing and- - - But instead of doing as she secretly wished, she simply formed fists with her twitching fingers, averting her eyes and staring hard at the book.

Only a few more to go. . .

~Dear Diary,

I didn't Inu-Yasha today. I was busy in the garden. Naraku helped he choose some better flowers than the ones I had previously been using- flowers that would thrive in the kind of climate we receive here. His help is invaluable.~

~Dear Diary,

Inu-Yasha was in his studio today- as he has been more and more recently for the past few weeks- so Naraku took me out to dinner. And then he came home with me.

I'll only say this- as I'm too embarrassed to say anything else- I'm glad Inu-Yasha didn't come home. . .~

~Dear Diary,

Once again, I didn't see much of Inu-Yasha today. Or. . .

I *tried* not to see much of Inu-Yasha.

I don't understand. . . all the sudden. . . these- these little things about him are driving me insane. I hate the way he slurps food and I hate the way he drifts off into his own little world so often. I hate the way his ears constantly twitch- no matter how cute they can be. It's irritating and distracting.

I don't know what's wrong with me, diary. I love Inu-Yasha- but at the same time I can't stand him! What can I do. . . ?~

~Dear Diary,

I apologize for the time lapse between notes. The days pass so quickly now, I loose track of them. But here- for your convenience, is the overview of the past week or so:

I'm embarrassed no longer. Now I invite myself to Naraku's house and he to mine. Inu-Yasha's spending even time at his studio (as if that was possible)- and- though I feel awful saying this- I find I don't mind. When I do see him, though, he seems oddly excited about something- hinting about a present he has for me, despite the fact that it's HIS birthday that's approaching. I try to act curious and interested but. . .

Naraku has invited me to "run away" with him.

Should I accept?~

~Dear Diary,

I wasn't going to.

I swear I wasn't planning to.

I wasn't going to "run away" with Naraku- I was going to try and work it out with Inu-Yasha. I do care for him- I care for them both.

But. . .

Then Inu-Yasha proposed.

I accepted- but inside I panicked.

I'm not ready- I don't want to marry him!

So I called Naraku. . .

He'll be over tomorrow morning to pick me up. He told me to bring nothing- Inu'd get suspicious. (But don't worry, I'll pack you, diary.) Together we're going to take a first-class ship to France, and spend a year in Paris before traveling the rest of the world.

I can't decide whether I feel excited and happy. . . or guilty and sad.

I'll write more later, diary.~

. . .

She never did.

Kagome half-heartedly flipped through the remaining pages- expecting nothing but blankness and receiving exactly what she expected. Kikyo must have forgotten her diary- and then died in the car crash she has spoken of.

Died.

And was now a ghost.

Kag frowned, feeling strangely empty inside- deprived of emotion and will. The only thing she even remotely sensed was the beating of her own heart- the throb of pain she felt for Inu-Yasha as she pieced together the two stories:

After this entry, her incarnation had perished. . .

Inu-Yasha had committed suicide. . .

Then fruitlessly waited for 50 years.

Or did he really wait fruitlessly. . . ? She was back, now, after all. . .

And Kikyo *had* once said- though Kag had never heard her say it herself, she just knew- that she would have returned to him had she known Inu-Yasha had died as well.

A dark chuckle leaked from the teenager's mouth as she pushed herself up to her knees, closing the journal with a dusty thump. `Like crap she would have.'

If she left him while alive- why would she even consider returning when deceased?

. . .

If she, Kagome, were dead. . . She'd rush to Inu-Yasha in a heart beat. (Though, if she was dead, she wouldn't have a beating heart, would she? Oh- no matter.)

Sighing once more, the girl leaned against the wooden wall, eyes hooded and blank as she readjusted her flannel nightgown, hair in a low pony tail as she wrapped her arms around her knees.

She loved Inu-Yasha.

She had admitted it- proclaimed it- even tried to act upon it.

Yet he still had not told her how *he* felt.

If she was truly honest with herself, she very much doubted he had even come to terms with his feelings- much less be at the announcing stage- - -

But perhaps it was because he wasn't ready to give his full trust to anyone after what had happened? Perhaps he was unprepared to give his heart again? Perhaps he still mistrusted her- simply because she was Kikyo's reincarnation? Perhaps her living body made her less appealing to him?

Any of those were possible. . .

Some more than others.

. . .

She swallowed, licking her dry lips as her eyes flicked suddenly back to the rope.

Did she have the courage. . . ?

Getting to her feet with only the slightest of trembles, she retrieved the small stool from the corner and placed it under the loop. Standing straight upon the tiny chair, she took a deep breath.

Yes, she did.

*

Inu-Yasha floated lazily on air, staring out the frost-caked window at the winter wonderland just outside the glass. The thin sheet of ice that kissed the surface of the deep snow shone like crystal in the bright moonlight; glassy icicles glittering in the starglow as they dangled from the trees. A set of chimes sang a mystic, eerie melody from far away as a crisp breeze blew through the scene, making a small flurry of white powder fly.

The world was at peace.

But he was not.

Something was tugging at the inside of his soul- warning bells sounding in his brain as he shifted uncomfortably, a frown on his face. `What could be so wrong. . . ? Nothing comes to mind. . .'

But something was definitely out of place in his little world- in this house. The frown deepened.

Something- - -

Something was coming closer.

A something with an item he was sure he didn't want to encounter.

He spun quickly around- - -

And froze.

?

Kagome. . . ?

That. . .

Was unexpected.

"Kag. . . ?" he blinked, eyes locked on her pale face as she gave an odd little twitch. Her own stormy orbs were shining due to an odd sheen- a sheen one generally attributed to guilt. Suspicions inside him rose. "Kagome, what's wrong?"

"Um. . . Inu-Yasha. . ." she chewed her bottom lip, twisting something in her hands.

Only then did he notice it- that something he didn't want to come face to face with again.

The rope.

"Kagome- - - !" he gasped, eyes widening for a fraction of a second before narrowing to dangerous slits, a snarl growing in the back of his throat as he mentally ripped the coil from her hands, sending it flying into the wall with a loud smack. The girl flinched- and with good reason. His mood swing was horrifically frightening. . . "What the fucking hell- - - ?! I told you to STAY OUT OF THE A- - -!"

"I couldn't help it!" she whispered frantically, eyes downcast as her hands clenched at her sides. "I couldn't help it, okay?! And besides- you can't control me! I can go wherever I wish!"

His anger was only fueled by her statement of independence. "Even IF that were true," he hissed, eyes flaming as the moonlight brightened their battle ground- the middle of the living room- "Why the hell would you WANT to hang around that stupid rope?!"

"I wasn't hanging around the ROPE- I just felt like reading in the attic!" Kagome snapped, glaring up at him as a flame of her normal, fiery attitude slowly began to burn again. "I hang out up there a lot, okay!? Where ELSE can I go to look stuff up without you hovering over my back?!"

"So you ENJOY learning about my past pain?!"

"YES! So I can help you DEAL WITH IT!" she all but screamed in his face. "I WANT TO FRICKEN' HELP YOU, INU-YASHA! SO MUCH THAT I'D EVEN COMMIT SUICI- - - !"

!!!!

Kagome's breath caught in her throat as Inu-Yasha's face suddenly appeared right before her own- their noses so close that they were actually touching- - -

Or, at least, would have been if Inu hadn't been dead-

And she still alive.

The sudden, lightened feeling that accompanies relief grew in the hanyou's heart- but he didn't let it show on his face.

"DON'T YOU *DARE*-," the ghost ground out slowly, attempting and failing to grasp her arms. "-**DARE** even CONSIDER doing that to yourself! NOTHING is that bad! NOTHING!"

The girl's mouth worked furiously for a minute, her eyes wide and bewilderedly blank. Then:

"B. . . but you- - -"

"Keh!" Inu-Yasha released her and spun around, storming closer to the large bay window as Kag violently rubbed her forearms- though she didn't know why. They weren't cold at all. . . "I told you before, Kagome- I was a fool."

"You were in love," the girl reminded him- voice growing soft once more.

". . . Maybe I wasn't," he grumbled in return, determinedly avoiding her gaze.

"You know you were. . ." Inu-Yasha's ears twitched as they picked up the sound of the girl's approaching footsteps- the softest and daintiest of slipper-footed taps as she made her way upon the carpet. The smallest of amused sparks went off inside the boy's heart as he analyzed her tone of voice. In an instant she had gone from hostile to comforting. He found it odd- - - but not unpleasant. When *Kikyo* had gotten mad. . .

He shook his head to clear it, barely catching the tail end of Kagome's sentence because of his antics:

"Even. . . even if Kikyo wasn't. . ."

The spirit exhaled heavily before releasing a quiet, almost exasperated laugh. After racking his fingers though his hair, he slowly pulled his hands over his face. "You. . . You were reading her diary. . . weren't you?"

?

Kagome blinked as she reached his side, finally completing her slowly-shuffled journey. "You knew?"

"That you were reading it? No.

The information inside it?

Yes."

??

For the countless time, confusion welled up inside her. "Than why- - -?"

"The same reason it's so hard for me to forget about her now," he interrupted, shrugging his shoulders. "You're too young to understand, Kagome, but you can't just FORGET someone who means- meant- a lot to you at one point or another. You just can't."

. . .

"Does that always apply. . .?" Kagome's questioning voice trailed off as she carefully picked up the rope again, a wary look on her face as she held it out, fingers grasping it so lightly that it was amazing that it didn't just fall to the ground again. "Even if that someone is one who makes you want to . . ?"

"Yes," the hanyou replied without even looking up, knowing what she was referring to without a glance.

". . . Even if that someone completely turns on you?" she pressed gingerly.

"Yes."

"Even if that someone turns out to be completely horrible inside- someone that makes you feel terrible for things that weren't even your fault?"

"Yes."

"Even. . ."

Kagome went silent for a moment, trying to summon the courage she had found in the attic an hour ago- the courage to take down the hated rope. She needed it again. "Even if someone else comes along- someone who wants to help you so badly that they'd do anything- someone who you could- theoretically- love more than the first. . . ?"

". . ." Inu-Yasha's eyes connected with Kag's for a second, before falling to the undone noose in her hands. . .

Lightly placing one of his own on top of it. "Yes, Kagome."

The teenager quieted herself for a moment, trying to sort through her own thoughts.

"So. . ." she eventually surmised, "even if I was. . . to say. . . commit suicide right here in the moonlight. . . you wouldn't forget Kikyo?"

The ghost's distant eyes snapped so quickly back to her that she winced at even mentioning the once-upon-a-time plot. "Kagome," he said seriously, golden eyes hard. "I don't even want you to use that word. I don't want you to talk about that word. I don't even want you to THINK that word. . . Suicide. . ." A small shudder coursed through him- so desecrate she almost missed it- as he took a moment to collect himself . Then he continued.

"God, Kagome. . . You're too innocent to even know that word! I hate that I was the one that taught it to you- I hate that- for even a second- you seemed to be considering it! Considering to consider it! Don't! Not ever! I said it before, I'll say it again: NOTHING IS WORTH SUICIDE.

Keh. . .

I wish *I* had known that. . ." His eyes fell upon the moon and stayed there.

. . .

"You really knew Kikyo had left you for good, hadn't you?"

". . . Yes."

"And you still loved her?"

"Yes."

. . .

"I. . . I'm sorry."

He chuckled softly, eyes gently closing as he bathed in the silver-white glow- and Kagome took another small step forward- standing shoulder to shoulder wit him.

"So am I."

*

"Was *this* the other `business' you were speaking of. . . ?" Sango whispered from around the corner, watching the oblivious `couple' from the cover of the kitchen.

"Yes," Miroku replied seriously, a hint of pity in his voice. "His feeling for Kikyo may have been his original anchor to earth, but now. . ."

"Yeah. And he hasn't even realized it yet," the chestnut haired girl shook her head. "Pathetic moron."

"Don't jump to conclusions," her husband admonished lightly, watching the ghost- and noticing the occupied look inside his honey pools. "I'm sure he's realized it- but. . ."

. . .

"`But'. . . ?" Sango echoed after a moment, confused and slightly irritated. "`But'?! What do you mean, `but'?!"

"Oh- You'll see as time wears on," Miroku sighed tiredly, looking away as he turned towards the steps. "You'll see. For now, though- we can do nothing but wish them luck."

Sango nodded after a moment of consideration before following the monk back to their bedroom. But she couldn't help but complain on the way: "I wish you'd tell me what the hell you're talking about, though."

"And spoil my fun?" he winked, trying to lighten his own mood as well as his spouse's. "No way."

". . . I don't know why I married you."

"Women like men who speak in riddles."

"I hate riddles."

"It must be my tender touch, than."

"I doubt it."

"My looks?"

". . ."

"Huh. Well, than, I guess you must love me."

"I guess I must."

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^_^ I bet I had y'all scared for a moment, didn't I, with the title and all? ^_^ Heehe- - - ::sees the reader's angry looks:: ^_^;;;;;;;;; Sowwy. I hope you liked the chapter, anyway, though. It was dedicated to all you readers who kept saying: "Have Kagome commit suicide! Suicide! NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW!".

^_~ I love you all!

Please R&R!

Ja ne!