Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ A Battle Lost ❯ Struggle ( Chapter 1 )

A/N: This is the first installment of a 3-part Kyoru lemon fic. This one is very PG, though, so be looking for the citrus later. Enjoy!

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A Battle Lost

By: Mizaya

Kyo shielded his eyes against the setting sun and looked up to see how far they had left to walk, not that he hadn't made the trip thousands of times. Being with Tohru made him anxious and fidgety, though.

"You didn't have to come up here with me, you know." Kyo told himself that he was grabbing her hand only to keep her from falling on the uneven path through the lightly wooded area. He most certainly wasn't enjoying the feel of her slender fingers enclosed in his well-used ones.

"Ah, but Kyo-kun, I wanted to help you." Her tiny feet caught in a pothole and she would have fallen except for his quick reflexes in pulling her up. She smiled at him in thanks. "I have to wonder, though," she continued, "why did Kazuma-san not invite you to the martial arts tournament?"

Kyo wasn't about to disclose that he wasn't good enough yet for the competition or that he didn't even have enough freedom left to finish out his training. There was no point. Eighty-nine days left. That was all he had. "Hurry up! I'm going to starve to death if you walk any slower!"

Having successfully avoided her question, he set his face into its comfortable scowl that warded off anyone who might try to make conversation with him. Tohru upped her pace at his side and walked with him, wide-eyed, to the top of the path and his Master's small house.

Kyo had known for several weeks that he would be house-sitting for his adoptive father while Kazuma was at the fighting season's biggest match. Normally Kunimitsu, Kazuma's assistant, would have taken care of the household, but he was actually going to compete for once so it was up to Kyo.

What he hadn't expected was for his Shishou to call Shigure's looking for Tohru the day before he left to invite her to come along with him. Before he had the chance to stop it, Tohru had accepted and looked at him with that innocent, smiling face. Then he really couldn't say no. And Kazuma had surely planned the whole thing out to give them time alone together for four days and three very long nights. That would be just like him.

It was a weakness, letting her into his heart so firmly that he found himself dreaming of being with her forever. That was just unfair; it was unfair to her because he would be leaving her and he had no right to love her. Hopefully, she would never find out, but situations like the one he was getting himself into were dangerous. His hands would get clammy and he would put his foot in his mouth or even worse, fall all over his words. Anything he tried to tell her when they were painfully alone came out all wrong, and then he had to backtrack and apologize, inevitably leading to his anger and her confused look that told him that she was so stupid as well as unbelievably special. Being alone with her was exhilarating and difficult at the same time.

"What do you want me to make for dinner, Kyo-kun?"

Her question made him realize that they had come inside the house and were standing in the dark entryway. He hadn't even been aware of unlocking the door in his daze. "Whatever there is. Shishou doesn't keep much in the kitchen, remember?" Thinking of the last time that they had been in the house made him blush. They had cooked lunch together and had such a good time, talking about swimming and his childhood. He felt spoiled by that memory.

Tohru laughed and took off her school bag that she had packed with all of her clothing and necessities, laying it politely on the floor. Kyo watched as she bounced into the kitchen, eager to start on their meal, before he tossed his own bag down and followed her. She was already searching through all the maple-doored cupboards and the refrigerator, apparently without any luck. "There isn't anything except curry again," she said disappointedly, pulling the lone box off of the shelf. "But maybe you don't want that."

Taking a deep breath, Kyo walked across the tiled floor to stand next to her and lean against the counter. "That's fine. We can just eat that and then buy more stuff tomorrow."

"Okay!"

That bright smile she gave him, with her body so close to his, immediately brought out an embarrassing blush. He knew he should stay and help her with dinner, but he was being overwhelmed just standing alone with her in the kitchen, not five minutes into their stay. He had to leave and do something else. "I'm going to go set up your bed," he said in a rushed mumble before heading rapidly down the hall.

When he got to the tiny room that doubled as a mish-mash library and guest room, he stopped and balled his fists at his sides. Why was he acting like such a dumbass? It was just Tohru. It wasn't like he hadn't lived with her for over two years. He knew that his nerves were on edge because of the implications of sleeping alone in the house with her, far away from everyone. Just standing there in the kitchen had brought tempting visions of what a life with her would be like, her cooking dinner for them, no frustrating cousins in the way.

Those were things that he shouldn't be imagining. He had no right to do it. He had to get his mind on something else, aside from the fantasy of spending idle days doing simple daily activities, just knowing that she was there.

Bedroll.

Kyo remembered why he had come to the guestroom anyway and grabbed the futon out of the small closet to lay it out on the floor for her. As he did, he noticed a bouquet of flowers on the windowsill and smirked. Kazuma could be really subtle sometimes, putting flowers in Tohru's room because he knew she would appreciate them. He could imagine her waking up at dawn, smiling at the pink and white streaked dahlias.

That made him blush again, realizing that he was smoothing out the cotton covers of the futon where Tohru would be sleeping, probably in those little blue pajamas that he secretly found cute.

"Kyo-kun?"

Tohru was outside in the hallway, calling for him. Kyo hastily rose from touching the bedroll and moved to open the door for her. "What is it?" he demanded.

Even though the house wasn't large, she still looked a bit lost until she met his gaze. Then she smiled and came to join him in the room. "Ah, dinner is almost ready. I was beginning to wonder where you had gone." Kyo must have been daydreaming for longer than he thought. "Did you want me to wait to serve it if you're busy?"

"No. I'm really hungry."

"All right!" There was that radiant smile again. He was really going to have a rough time.

Not two minutes later they were sitting down to eat. His Shishou might not have had much in the way of food, but he guessed to himself that Tohru could make rotten leeks taste like heaven. He would never eat them, of course, but they would probably be better than leeks made by anyone else.

"Do you think it needs more seasoning, Kyo-kun?"

He felt a little chagrined when he observed that she had barely touched her food and he was inhaling his. She still earned a frown, though. "Don't act so polite like that with me," he instructed. "You know I always like your cooking. I'm eating it, aren't I?" He could see the apology forming on her lips and charged right over her words. "And don't apologize, either! Who cares if people don't like your food? You like it, right?" He shoved another bite of curry into his mouth and swallowed quickly before saying, "Can't you tell I like it by how fast I'm eating it?"

Her rosy cheeks from his words were expected, but he was a bit surprised when she merely nodded once and started eating. It was a miracle: No apologies, no severe humiliation. He had to gloat mentally at the breakthrough.

"Kyo-kun, I was meaning to ask you, is there anything special that we have to do while we're staying here?"

His plate was suddenly interesting. He would have to tell her sometime, no matter how embarrassing. "There are some plants, and we're supposed to get the mail and stuff, and…. And we have to take care of the cats."

The inevitable excitement filled her eyes and she clapped her hands together and leaned a bit closer to him over the table. "Kazuma-san has cats? I didn't know that!"

Kyo didn't think it was anything to get worked up over, but whatever made her happy. "They usually stay outside, but we do have to feed them and stuff."

"I've never been able to take care of animals before," she told him, "except for the Sohmas."

"That doesn't count!" he yelled in an overly irritated voice. Kyo began stuffing the rest of the curry into his mouth and glowering at his rice. How could she be so excited about taking care of some annoying cats? The dumb beasts made his life hell, rubbing on his legs while he was walking to trip him, waking him up in the morning by kneading his head and purring in his ears.

A faint scratching was heard and the back screen door and Kyo hunched over angrily. Other people might call it coincidence, but anytime he thought about those monsters they would come running. Damn his cat spirit!

Tohru jumped up from the table, after she visibly realized what the sound was, and ran to open the door. Two furry flashes ran in, heading directly for Kyo. The smaller one, the female, shoved her dimwitted brother out of the way, climbed onto Kyo's lap, and proceeded to glare at Tohru. The bigger one, mostly gray, planted himself at Kyo's side and flopped over to stick his soft white belly and matching feet in the air. Both of them had their little purring motors working in overhaul.

"Oh, Kyo-kun! They're so cute!" Tohru giggled, kneeling on the other side of the male to rub his tummy. She reached out with her other hand to pet the female but was halted by a very expressive hiss. "Ah, that one must only like you," she said sagely.

"She's evil. I wouldn't go near her," he advised. The little gray and black speckled cat with paws to match her brother's gave him an insulted look and began rubbing her head against his chest until he finally relented and pet her. Tohru was still busy petting the male, who was writhing on the floor in delight. "He's the dumb one. You can pet him, if you want to pet one at all. I think they're both annoying."

She only laughed and tilted her head to talk to the gray cat in a silly little voice. "Neko-san, you are so cute!" A sudden pensive look took over her face, though. "Kyo-kun, what are their names?"

He knew that one was coming. He would have to tell her at some point. "Kitty Pants and Bonesy," he muttered inaudibly.

"I couldn't hear that. What were they?" she asked innocently.

"Kitty Pants and Bonesy!" he shouted, definitely too loudly by the way she jolted. "And don't think about laughing, either! I made those names up when I was a little kid."

Her little hand covered her mouth as she smiled. At least she had the sense not to point and laugh like Kunimitsu had when Kyo had named the cats. He had only been eight, for crying out loud!

"I think they're very nice names, Kyo-kun." Kyo rolled his eyes as she cooed to Bonesy and got up to collect all of the plates. "I guess I should get these dishes done."

Kyo watched Tohru balance all of the dishes and cups miraculously on one arm and open and close the kitchen door. He could have watched her do that forever, just to bask in the way she tilted her head to that certain angle, and smiled with her goofy look that he loved.

He laid back on the floor and listened to the cats purring in his ears while he daydreamed of being able to hold her. He would never get through the week at this rate, but there wasn't much to do about that. Odd musings ran through his mind, like what her hair must feel like right after she brushed it, and what she looked like when she slept. She likely smiled. Maybe she sang little songs while she was in the shower, a thought that made him blush, or would want to cuddle during a scary movie. All of the random thoughts made Kyo think that although he knew her so well, there were still too many mysteries.

Suddenly Kyo was on his feet, much to the dismay of Kitty Pants who had still rested on his lap. Here he was, wondering all of these things, and she was in the next room doing dishes. The idea of going to be locked away in his cage without knowing everything there was to possibly know about Tohru was terrifying to him. He desperately wanted to know everything about her, if only to perpetuate his own futile fantasy. It was better than regretting for the rest of his life.

Forcefully, Kyo strode into the kitchen and slammed the screen behind him, incidentally stopping the little cats that were on his heels. Each step he took closer to Tohru working diligently at the sink made him unsure again, though. He couldn't just interrogate her and demand to know everything. He would have to use something else, like tact. He thought he might have some of that.

"Oi, Tohru." She jumped at his loud voice in her ear. "You can't do that alone."

"But…"

He knew protests were coming so he grabbed a dishtowel and began drying before she could say anything else. "You made dinner," he told her in a calmer tone, "so it's only fair that I help clean up."

"Thank you," she said sincerely, continuing to scrub the bowls so he could dry them. After a minute, she looked up at him. "It's very pretty here, Kyo-kun, don't you think? The mountains are so much closer and all of the trees are so green and happy. I've never seen the mountains at dusk like this before."

Kyo had a hard time not telling her that she was pretty here, regardless of any mountains or trees, especially when he kept feeling his fingers brush hers as she passed flatware to him. "It's fine," he mumbled. His eyes didn't want to leave hers.

Tohru's face was growing bright red under his unwavering stare and she finally ducked her head and handed him the last dish. "I can feed the cats if you know where the food is, Kyo-kun."

Frowning at himself for his idiocy, Kyo told her how to feed the cats and watched her let them in. Kitty Pants hissed at her for good measure, but of course she took it in stride. He wondered how it was that she hadn't ended up like the traveler in Momiji's dumb story living her whole life like that. And he still hadn't talked to her like he had hoped to. "Do you want to go for a walk?" he asked her.

"A walk? Is it safe in the dark?"

Just like he had predicted, he had already stuck his foot in his mouth. Of course they couldn't go walking around in the dark. He was such a fool. "Uh, I guess not. Maybe we could do something else, you know, like, um, I don't know." He grumbled at the realization that he was making no sense whatsoever. Tohru was just staring at him quizzically. "Wanna watch a movie before bed?"

Seemingly excited by this prospect, she rose up on her toes and smiled. "I didn't know Kazuma-san had movies. That sounds like fun."

"Yeah, come on." Kyo led her from the kitchen into the sitting room where Kazuma had his television and a very strange collection of movies. "Pick out anything you want."

"What kind do you want to watch, Kyo-kun?" she asked as she searched through them.

He was irritated by her wanting to make him happy. "Don't worry about what I want to watch! I've seen them all already, anyway. They're all the same to me."

Kazuma's movies were either old Samurai flicks or really sappy romance, with a few horror and action films thrown in for variety. Looking at the titles of the horror movies, Kyo changed his mind about wondering if Tohru would want to be held while watching one. She was frightened so easily that he didn't have to wonder, and just thinking about her like that was making him a little sick. Tohru should be happy and carefree always.

Holding up a video, Tohru bit her lip. "Is this one okay, Kyo-kun?"

What she had picked out was some American-made marital arts flick from long before they were born. He raised his eyebrows questioningly at her choice, but she sensed his apprehension and reassured him.

"It looks very good," she rushed out. "I've heard of this one before and I think martial arts would be fun to watch."

He shrugged and took the box from her. "I bet. Go sit down and I'll put it on."

After he got the movie up and running and settled in at the kotatsu next to her, Kyo noticed the cats enter the room. He groaned when they jumped on the table in front of him and sat next to each other, both closing their eyes and purring. He felt like a real cat himself, sinking down lower in anger at the way they blocked his view of the screen. If he had feline ears, they would have been resting flat against his head. He shifted to his right, straining to see around them, but the way the television was set up, he couldn't see. That meant he had to crane his neck in the other direction. That meant leaning into Tohru.

"Sorry," he said tightly, "but if I try to move them it'll just make it worse." It was true. If he moved them manually out of his line of vision, they would get the hint and become even more annoying.

Up close, he could see Tohru's cheeks pink up. "It's all right. I can move if you want."

"No." He shook his head and tried to get comfortable. It really was a good movie. When he was younger, he and his Shishou would watch all of the Samurai and marital arts movies so Kazuma could quiz him on what was true and what not, where all the mistakes were in the movies and what moves were particularly skillful. He was still in awe of the older man's ability to dissect every detail.

Being so intent on the action made the fact that his head was inches from Tohru's less awkward. He could get so wrapped up in what was happening, shouting out triumphantly when the bad guys got what was coming to them and critically laughing at all of the Hollywood embellishments. Once in a while Tohru would compliment him on his knowledge or ask him to explain what was happening, but for the most part she just sat entranced, a happy smile on her face.

Just over two hours later, the credits began rolling with all of the bad guys defeated and the hero collecting the token damsel in distress. Kyo straightened, pulling away from Tohru to stare once again at the cats. The damn monsters hadn't moved one inch during the whole movie, although they ceased with the purring after about an hour. Silence in the room was ominous.

"Ah, it was very exciting, Kyo-kun. Is that what it's like when you practice with Kazuma-san?"

Snorting at her ridiculous question, Kyo risked a glance at her. "What kind of moron would think something like that? We just fight the traditional way. Nobody does that stuff on moving vehicles and roofs of office buildings. That's just the way movies are."

"Oh." Tohru blushed, obviously upset with herself for asking something so dumb. Kyo felt like an ass when she had that self-deprecating look in her eyes. It only lasted for a second, but it stabbed him right in his gut. Just as soon as it was there it was gone, replaced with her smile. "That makes me relieved. I would worry if Kyo-kun had to do anything that dangerous."

He blushed back, and turned away so she wouldn't see it. That she worried about him was nothing new; she worried about everyone. But her telling him, when they sat in the near dark, alone together in the house, so close together that he had to physically restrain himself from touching her, it was a whole different scenario.

Clearing his throat, he rose from the floor to turn off the television and rambled to her out of nervousness. "It's stupid to worry about it. I'd never have to fight in a situation that extreme, and even if I did, it wouldn't be a problem." He hoped his tone was convincingly confident. "I bet I could do that stuff better than most people. If that rat wanted to challenge me on a roof I could totally kick his ass!" Fists balled up and his jaw clenched. "That girly Yuki wouldn't know what hit him!"

Giggling from behind him made him turn around angrily. "I'm sorry, Kyo-kun, I don't mean to laugh, but it's so nice to see that you like something so much. I wish I knew about marital arts so I would have something to talk to you about."

The comment struck him hard. She didn't think that he would want to talk to her about anything other than martial arts? "What the hell does that mean? We talk about other stuff all the time." Frantically, he searched his mind for all of the memories that he had of them together. How could she forget them all?

"No, no! I didn't mean that we don't talk." Her hands waved apologetically in front of her, her eyes wide in alarm. "I just wish there was something to talk about that didn't make you bored. I guess I feel bad that I'm always talking about silly things." Tohru knuckled her head as if to show him she was dense and then looked at her lap in humiliation. "I don't want you to be upset about me being here. I'm such a burden, taking up your time and needing things explained."

How could he tell her that she was the only thing in his life that wasn't a burden? Or that he wanted her near him every second of the day? How could she think any of those awful things? Didn't she know that he lived to talk to her, to be around her? Seeing her there, her head bowed in shame, her little hands white where they clasped together so hard, killed him inside.

Not even thinking clearly, he knelt down beside her, closer than he had been during the movie, and rested his hand firmly on her shoulder. "Don't say things like that! It makes me really angry, and you know they're not true!" He tried to make his tone soft, but his emotions took over, like always, and the words likely sounded harsh to her.

Tohru's face lifted up so slowly, and he could see the hint of tears that would fall if he didn't say something. He couldn't think of anything worthwhile, though. Everything that ever came out of his mouth was wrong, jumbled, misconstrued with his own temper. Shit, his words had already put her in this state. That method wasn't working.

"Tohru…."

Before he could let her beautiful eyes stop him, Kyo dipped his head down and captured her lips. He could feel now how soft they were, just like he always secretly dreamed. Her skin had a light fragrance, like cream and sugar, and she tasted as sweet as any fruit he had ever eaten. He wished the kiss would last forever, but her stiffness made him stop. The last thing he wanted to do was scare or upset her further. Pulling away was hard, as if the kiss was so slow it hurt him bodily, but on the other hand it was already burned into his memory, a moment in time that would never leave him despite any punishment from Akito.

"I-" He couldn't find words to continue.

"Kyo-kun…?"

That surprised expression was enough to get her point across. He rose in haste and let the cats follow on his heels as he made for the door. "We should probably get to sleep," he murmured. "The bathroom is down the hall on the left and there's toothpaste in the right hand drawer if you forgot it. `Night."

All the way down the hall he sunk deeper into depression. When he got to his room he fell face first onto his bed and tried not to listen to Tohru moving around to get ready for bed. In his mind, he imagined her face full of fear or pain or even disgust. Of course he couldn't tell from the running water as she brushed her teeth or the soft rustling of her blankets through the wall, but his mind had no willpower to keep those images away. He was almost grateful when the two cats came and nuzzled his head and purred in his ears. At least they blocked out the sounds of Tohru. He couldn't bear to hear her crying, if that's what she was planning on doing. With that thought, he got a clear mental picture of Tohru sobbing on her futon, scared to be alone in the house with him in case he molested her again. Everything was going so badly that he couldn't sleep at all. He would just have to wait out the morning to see if she would even ever talk to him again.

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A/N: Poor Kyo-kun! I hope you liked this part and wish me to continue. It won't all be angsty, I promise. I don't claim to own any of the characters, although Bonesy and Kitty Pants do belong to me. ^_^ Actually, I more belong to them. Reviews are always welcome and appreciated!