Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ Custody ❯ Tohru ( Chapter 33 )

It wasn't until the middle of January when Tohru had the opportunity to talk to Momiji. She knew that he had been avoiding her all that time, but she missed him terribly. He managed to work out of the office almost every day, and whenever he was there, his visits were brief. She discarded the idea of visiting him, reasoning that if he was going through the trouble of keeping himself away from her, the least she could do was to respect his decision. That didn't mean, though, that she stopped worrying or wanting to see him. That was the reason why that afternoon, when Ritsu's assistant told her that Momiji was in the conference room in a meeting, she took off quickly to catch him before he left. She gave a quick glance at her wrist watch before heading out of her new office.

 

Ritsu stayed in the room talking with the new client they just got, while Momiji excused himself with the pretext of handing the paperwork to his secretary. She decided to wait until he was in his office to talk to him. It was a good thing that Momiji didn't see her on his way out and that Ritsu didn't see her coming either, otherwise, she was sure that he'd have asked her to escort their visitor out. He'd been doing that kind of thing a lot recently. Whenever there was a chance for her to see Momiji, Ritsu always found a way to keep her away from him. She knew that those tricks were to protect Momiji from getting hurt by her. Not that he believed that she'd do it intentionally, of course, but just in case… He never mentioned anything to her, though, except on her first day back to work, when Tohru asked him if he thought that Momiji had feelings for her other than friendship.

 

The sympathetic look in his eyes told her everything: he'd known all along and found it hard to believe that she never noticed it before.

 

She checked the time. Ten minutes had passed. She guessed that Momiji was already in his office, so she headed there.

 

She'd been thinking about what happened at the airport all the way back from Germany and each and every day since then. Momiji told her to forget it, but she couldn't. How could she have been so blind! She was his best friend, the one person in the whole world who knew him better than anyone! Or so she had thought…

 

When she told Mayu, she learned that everybody else knew about it too, and were surprised that she had yet to figure it out.

 

In the light of this discovery, years of unconditional friendship, support and understanding on his part took a whole new meaning for her.

 

The office was open when she got there. He was standing with his back to the door, so that when he heard her knocking he had to turn around to see her. The first thing she noticed as soon as she saw him was that he looked older. The boyish appearance was gone, and somehow she knew in her heart that the Momiji from her past was gone forever. Maybe it was because it was 5 pm, and he surely had a hard day, or because of the dark gray suit, but she sensed that it was something else that had changed inside of him.

 

-“Hi.” He smiled briefly, hesitant. “It's good to see you again.” She noticed that he made no attempt to move from his place to hug her like he used to, and she found it strange. He also remained silent after that short greeting.

 

He was calm, but she sensed that he was being cautious around her. He looked serious, not his usual cheerful self.

 

-“Hi!” She stepped forward and hugged him like before, but she quickly ended it when she noticed that he was not hugging her back. When she pulled apart just enough to see his face, she felt hurt when he averted his eyes. He was avoiding her still.

 

-“Momiji”, she called his name in a whisper. He looked at her, silent.

 

She was used to him openly expressing his happiness to see her every time they met. No matter how tired, stressed or busy he may be, he always had a smile and a hug for her. This time, however, he'd given her neither. The smile had disappeared from his lips, so that his face finally matched the sadness in his eyes. Tohru felt her heart wrench.

 

So this was the real Momiji. No more masks, no more fake happiness, and now that there was nothing else disguising them, she could finally see his feelings for her clearly: a love so intense that it pained him to see her.

 

She didn't see his love for her growing through the years as he became a man. In her mind, he had always been the sweet boy from the day they met: the same boy who cried on her shoulder when he told her about his family.

 

This new Momiji was a stranger. How was it possible that he had changed so much in front of her eyes without her looking?

`I gave up on that feeling a long time ago when I realized that it would always be one-sided, but I will never give up on you. We will always be best friends, right?', his words from that day kept replaying themselves in her mind.

He had been right: Momiji was and would always be her best friend. She knew that he was hurt, and that it was partly because of her, but at that moment, her best friend needed her more than ever. He didn't have to say it. Tohru gathered the courage to speak to him again, opting for focusing on his relationship with Momo as a brother instead. They needed to talk about his feelings for her too, but that was not the time.

-“Momiji, tell me, what happened?” Confusion crossed his eyes for a second, and then he understood the question. It took him a split second to answer.

 

-“You mean in Germany?” Tohru nodded. “Nothing happened”, he said. “Everything is the way it was always supposed to be. You have nothing to worry about.” He told her, as if dismissing the topic, though he didn't try to smile for her as he would've in the past. Momiji walked to his chair behind the desk, and then he made a gesture for her to take a seat on one of the chairs across from him. Once she was seated, he went back to sorting out the papers from the meeting. Tohru took his silence as permission to talk to him while he worked. It was something they used to do, so she didn't feel ignored because he wasn't looking at her. She knew that he was listening.

 

-“I know that Momo is not with you. I can see that you're hurt, and I want to help. If you just let me…” she tried to explain. Momiji interrupted her as if he didn't hear what she was saying. He probably didn't.

 

-“This visit made me realize that I have to let go of them… all of them” he clarified. “My parents died, and my sister… Momo-chan…” he corrected, “It's hard to explain. The more I get to know her, the more I realize how different we are. We're two strangers.” He was forcing his voice to sound casual, as if he was talking about the weather, but she knew better. He was letting out everything he'd been thinking about since he got back to Japan. Tohru knew that he wanted her to listen, and that it was enough for him to have her there with him. However, this time she decided to make him see the situation the way she saw it from the outside.

 

-“You already knew that before we went to Germany. That's the one reason why you have to stick together, Momo and you. Not because you know each other perfectly, or because you are the same, but because you love each other enough to overcome together whatever comes to you. You've always cared about her. Did your feelings change after this trip?” She knew the answer already, but she wanted Momiji to say it aloud.

 

-“No,” he responded without needing to think it over. He lifted his head to answer, and then went back to his work. He had been missing these conversations with Tohru so much! She was like her conscience, always knowing what he needed to hear. Just her voice had a soothing effect on his soul. He just couldn't face her right now. He feared that if he saw into her eyes for too long he would end up doing something that would spoil their friendship forever. It had become harder for him to control his impulses and keep in check his words now that she knew the truth about his feelings.

 

-“So, when is Momo coming?” Another question she already knew the answer for.

 

-“I don't think that she's coming. I left her the tickets, but as you said, she isn't here, right? It's been almost a month…”, another casual comment. Tohru was having a hard time getting used to this new Momiji. He was the opposite of the boy she knew and cared for. Instead of fake happiness, he was trying to make her believe that everything was fine, that whatever happened with his sister didn't matter anymore.

 

-“You left her the tickets? Why did you do that, if you've already given up on her?” Honestly, who was he trying to fool? She knew him better than anyone! At least that's what she used to think until recently. Guess he kept some secrets to himself after all.

 

-“Maybe I want her to prove me wrong,” he said, though mostly to himself. Tohru checked the time again.

 

-“Trust her. I think she will.” He looked at her for the first time, really looked at her. She was smiling sweetly at him, like she knew something he didn't. He was about to ask her something, but she beat him to it.

 

-“How is it that a business man as determined as you are can give up on the most important things in his life? Why don't you fight for what you want? Is it because it is much easier to let the choices up to others to take so that you can blame your unhappiness on them?” She allowed a minute for the barb to sink in.

 

-“Is that what you think that I'm doing?” He looked shocked, almost hurt.

 

-“This separation you forced upon both of us gave me plenty of time to think things over. You've given up on all the people you claim to love. If you can do that so easily, then it must mean that they don't mean that much to you after all. It's sad… You make the decisions about other's feelings on your own, just like…”

 

-“Just like my father.” He finished for her. He realized that she was accusing him, and what was worse, he had to agree with her about him giving up on people. She didn't understand, though, what he'd been through, what it'd been like for him. “You don't know…”

 

-“Neither does Momo, or did you tell her?” When they talked on the phone after he left Germany, Momo and Tohru had a long conversation about Momiji. She shared Momo's feelings. How was she ever expected to understand a situation that she knew nothing about?

 

Momiji was signing a high pile of papers that he'd been given on his way to his office. “I told her the truth, but I guess you already knew that. After that, we didn't really talk that much.”

 

-“It's been a long day. Why don't you go home? You look tired.” He really did, but the real reason why she wanted him to go home was another one entirely. Tohru checked her watch for the millionth time that afternoon. He better got on his way soon or else…

 

-“I can't. Ritsu wants to talk about our meeting today and get a couple more things done before we leave, but you're right. I am tired. I'll leave as soon as we're done.” The prospect of staying until whatever time they were done working didn't appeal to Momiji in the least.

 

-“Why don't you pack everything up and finish those papers at home? I left a message for him to catch up with you and leave early. He must be waiting for you.” Momiji looked at her again, trying to read between the lines. Why was she in such a hurry to make him leave?

 

-“Ok, I'm taking all this paperwork `home' and I can bring them tomorrow, all done.” Tohru didn't miss the subtle hint of bitterness when he emphasized the word. That was something new also. “Is there anything that I should know, Tohru-chan? Anything you need to tell me?” Even as he kept talking, he was already packing up for the day. Tohru got up and got his coat for him.

 

-“As you said, there's nothing you should worry about.” She helped him putting the black coat on, and then turned around to help him with the buttons. It was another thing that she always used to do, the only difference was that this time she didn't look up at him even once. That was all that Momiji needed to know that she was really hiding something from him. “Tohru, what…”

 

-“Momiji, you know that I want you to be happy, don't you?” Momiji nodded. “Well, trust me on this: you are entitled to be happy.” She lifted her head so that Momiji could read on her face the sincerity of her words. Tohru decided to ignore the confusion that suddenly invaded his eyes. “It's just… you see, sometimes I feel like you don't believe that you deserve it.” He tried to say something, but she kept on. “What I said earlier… about you having to fight for what you want… Sometimes you don't have to fight at all. The only thing you need to do is say what you feel, and ask for what you want. Think about it, will you?” Momiji kept silent for a moment before he finally answered.

 

-“Sometimes the only way to love someone is to support her as she finds happiness freely, even if you have to let go of her.” He was looking at her the same way he'd done it at the airport. Tohru suddenly got nervous. Guess `later' was sooner than she expected.

 

-“People can make better decisions if only they know all the facts. At least that way you won't have to wonder the rest of your life what it could've been like if only…” She wanted to make him understand her feelings. She knew that she'd be making herself that same question for the rest of her life. Not that she doubted her feelings for Kyou, but…

 

He picked up his laptop case, put in a couple of folders with the papers that he was supposed to read and sign that night and then hung it on his shoulder. Momiji gazed into Tohru's eyes for a whole minute. She stood there, frozen.

 

-“Even if you say it, the truth won't change anybody's feelings.” He bent down a little and, after a slight hesitation, placed a quick kiss on her cheek before he reached the door and walked away.

 

Tohru checked that he had effectively left for the day before she picked up her mobile and pressed the redial button. Someone answered her call before the phone rang for the second time.

 

-“He's on his way.”