Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ Where Your Shadow Falls- Part Four: And Then the Night Fell ❯ Fade Into Nothing ( Chapter 1 )

Chapter 16: Fade Into Nothing

 

 

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“On the outside looking in

I can see the pain your in

Don't hold it in

I know you loved her; so did I

You don't have to hide the tears you cry

Cause I'm here for you

Don't hold it in

I can see the pain your in

On the outside looking in”

*************

-Natilie Sawada

 

 

Dear Journal,

 

It has been three months since Rin disappeared. We got back from the hospital, and I went to fix up my room, since the drywall crashed in. Haru went into his room and blasted music. But I could still hear him yelling. He was deranged. I could hear him through the walls and the music crying and screaming her name. But there was nothing I could do. He broke down.

Haru didn't come out of his room for a week. I kept leaving food at his door and I would come by to pick up the dishes. I know it sounds pathetic, but being able to even keep living after everything that Haru has been through is remarkable. I kept my distance from him for a while. I think he needed time before he could be with me again. For about three days he couldn't even look at me. He flinched whenever he did. I could tell it was unbearably painful for him to look at me…to look at what used to be Rin. He needed time to let her fade.

I cried a little too. For everything. For the life I was thrust into…for the life I ruined when I was created…for all the pain I caused Rin…for all the pain I caused Haru…for almost losing him…for him having to lose Rin again, only after knowing she'd loved him all along. I cried for all the things that could have been, and all the things that will never be.

I gave all of Rin's possessions to Haru. I bought an entirely new wardrobe. I figured he wanted the least amount of things that I owned to remind him of Rin. I was in the attic and I found the box he put them all in. There were tear stains all over the papers and box. The clothes smelled like Haru and Rin. Finally I closed the box and taped it shut. There were no labels on it. Just a plain cardboard box sealed with masking tape. I never spoke to Haru about the box.

Now that three months have passed, Haru is beginning to return to normal, but I can see he is far from healed. I try to do as much as I can. We had lots of make up work from our classes from when I was in the hospital (I was in for a total of two days), so that kept him busy, and hopefully his mind off the pain.

We rarely ever speak of Rin. Sometimes when we're walking down the street, or looking in a magazine together, we'll see an outfit and Haru will say: “Rin would've like that,” or “Rin would've laughed at her and called her a poser.” He laughs, but I can see the aching hole in the center of his chest through his eyes.

The first time he kissed me since it happened, he broke down and cried. I just held him while he sobbed her name. But he's been able to touch me more and more without it hurting so much. He's making an effort to give me attention even though he's in so much pain.

I told him I was going to cut my hair, but he told me not to. He didn't say why, just grabbed a lock and started brushing it across his cheek. I can tell why. He doesn't want Rin to fade away completely. No matter how much it may hurt, he doesn't want to lose those memories he has of her. He doesn't want her to fade into nothing. He doesn't want to lose her again.

And I feel like I'm going to cry.

-Isuzu

 

* * *

 

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“And soon enough soon enough
This will all be a memory
And soon enough soon enough
This will fade like the photograph
Of you and me”

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-Human Remains

By: Tom McRae

 

Dear Journal,

It has been three months since Rin disappeared. I decided to keep a journal because…well it just felt like the right thing to do.

I'm in so much pain. Every time I blink, she's there. I just miss her so much. For the first week I could leave my room, and I could stop crying. The hurting wouldn't stop. After that, for a couple of days, I couldn't bring myself to look at Isuzu. Every time I saw her, the wound ached. I couldn't stand it.

One day I found all of Rin's possessions (including clothing) at my door. I later found Isuzu had bought an entirely new wardrobe. I put all the things in the box, going through every item, reading every page of every journal and sketchbook. Then I put it in the attic and shut the door. I think Isuzu found it, because I went up to check on it, and someone taped it shut.

We don't talk about Rin much, but sometimes we see a girl whose wearing something Rin would like, or would think was ridiculous. And it will hurt like hell, and I want to shut myself up in my room and scream. But I stay strong for Isuzu because I love her. I know this is hard for her…seeing me mourn over another girl. But I think she understands the pain I'm in. She's helped me so much. I don't think I would have been able to have kept on living without her here.

I spend a lot of time thinking. The make up work we had to do only kept me busy for a while.

It's sad realizing that I'm the only one who has those memories that Rin and I shared. When I die…where will they go? I can't imagine all the memories that are lost when someone dies…or disappears like Rin. What about all the moments you only know about…all the times you spend all alone…and all the secrets you kept to yourself. Where do they all go?

I refuse to let Rin's memory disappear. She may be gone, but she will keep existing like a photograph in my mind; never changing; always smiling. But soon enough it will fade around the edges and will start to grow old. But it will always be of her. She will never fade into nothing. I won't let her. Because I don't want to lose her again.

And I feel like I'm going to cry.

-Haru

 

 

 

End of Chapter 16:

Fade Into Nothing

 

A/n: short little chapter. I decided to do a chapter that was entirely journal entries. As you can see Isuzu writes almost twice as much as Haru does. I've found that guys don't like to write much about detail…but like to focus on thoughts and actions. So that's what Haru does.

Haru: Since when am I girlie enough to write in a journal

Me: Since I said so!

Haru: *military salute* yes, ma'am!

Rin: *smirk* sissy

Haru: oh, you wanna go?

Rin: bring it!

Me: -_-u

(See ya next chapter! ^_^)

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