Fullmetal Alchemist Fan Fiction ❯ Strawberry Kisses ❯ I'm to Sexy for My Razor ( Chapter 1 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Inspired by the summer theme my friends and I had.

A bunch of one-shot stories with a hint of strawberries. Roy/Ed, either hinted at or already together.

Ed enjoys Mustang's promotion party after being babied by Roy, goes out on a date with him, and makes him hot chocolate: pocky style!

Written by four girls whose sanity, when combined, equals that of a normal person.

Anime/Manga: Fullmetal Alchemist Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Shounen | Type: Yaoi | Uploaded On: 05.15.2006 | Pages: 2 | Words: 3.3K | Visits: 1.2K | Status: Work In Progress

Story- I'm too sexy for a razor!

Type- One-Shot.

Inspired by- M.P.'s ramblings of what soothes her the most.

Coupling- None in part A

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'Blah, blah, and more blah,' Golden eyes were narrowed. Edward Elric, Full Metal, was trying his best to ignore the surprise party being planned. Of course, he would never admit it, but he was quite fond of strawberry frosting. Hence his sudden snap to attention at the mention of what kind of frosting should decorate the birthday cake.

This would have been all dandy if it had been someone else's party, but no, it was the surprise party of the Flame Alchemist: Roy Mustang. This meant that the frosting had to be strawberry, for Ed's sake of course. You could get rid of the party, the streamers, the spiked punch, but no one could get rid of the cake! As long as there was cake...it must have strawberry flavored icing!

One gloved hand shot into the air.

"Yes, Full Metal?" Riza Hawkeye gave a look at the now franticly waving his hand, Edward Elric. It didn't help that her tone came out strangled. It was a hot day, all assignments had been postponed, and to top it off, over twenty people were crammed in a room that made her closet look like a mansion.

"I think we should have strawberry icing!" a grin was cracked on the alchemist's face as his brother looked at him with disbelief.

The younger of the Elrics shook his head. This was just like his brother. Edward had come to him earlier to tell Alphonse about the meeting and to warn him that it was probably going to bore them all to death. Al had taken the precaution to even jot down some mental notes so he could summarize the meeting later. Ed would most likely focus his whole attention span on the frosting now. Figures.

During the debate of why strawberry icing would be best for the party, Al took note of the room that twenty people had been shoved into. There was a large double paned window to the right of him; the door to his back. The room was supposed to be used for storage, but had become dusty with the unused years. It would have been perfect if it wasn't over 90 degrees inside the building and branching a hundred outside. Al wondered if he was hot enough to cook nachos for the party. The armor that his soul was encased in was away from the majority of the room's occupants. Touching it would lead to a nasty third degree burn.

Bang! "What the hell did you do that for?" Alphonse watched as his older brother shook his fist at Hawkeye.

"We are having vanilla frosting on the cake, Ed." The female blonde emphasized this with a wave of a gun. "Do I make myself clear?" Riza glanced around the room. All scooted as far back from the lieutenant as possible which was very difficult. "Good, let's try to maintain some order here, everyone." The gun was placed back into the holster and Ed shrunk down depressed. He had really wanted strawberry too!

'Damn Riza. What does she have against strawberry anyway?' He mentally whined. Crossing his legs again and placing his left elbow on his knee, he brooded over life's mysteries and strawberry icing as the other blonde started making preparations. 'I'll just ask Al what the party plan is tonight.' He thought. 'Why does Riza have to act all bossy sometimes? I mean, she can be nice when she wants to or as willing to prove a point just to get it across. Suddenly everything was tuned out as Ed remembered that one fateful day where Riza Hawkeye had passed on to him an addictive habit. Shaving...

It had first started with the blonde female being more agitated on a particular day. 'I had assumed that Mustang wasn't doing the work that she usually had to resort to violence to get done. How wrong was I with that?' He thought.

'Corridors were meant to be walked in, not used as a track for some mile-long race!' She had snapped at him after he had flown into her.

As he helped her gather up the folders of military business papers, he had made the mistake of asking what was wrong. He had been pushed back and landed in a sprawl, an almost empty folder spilled its' contents.

Rage made up her posture as she pointed her finger right at him and began to rant.

('And I had thought Mustang was bad with his self-control...')

'...and than Hughes has to just start shoving pictures in my face that I've already seen about fifteen times this morning, Havoc said that I ought to do something with my hair, and Mustang had to go and comment on the whole skirt thing! It's bad enough that he already has a petition going around for it, but if that happens I have to start shaving again and everyone knows that once you start you just can't stop! Urgh!'

('Riza had stomped her foot down for a dramatic effect before she had turned to look at me. She than proceeded to ask me why I had been so careless by running about Central,') Golden eyes flashed back to the present. Watching intently, mental notes were made to what was going on before drifting back to a memory that had occurred about two months ago.

('I remember explaining that I was getting called away to investigate a series of small alchemic crimes being committed in a distant area. I think she understood how much pressure had been put on me during the past weeks as the Colonel had me go on mini-missions without Al; he had wanted me to meet and greet future alchemists that would in the following months be attempting to take the exam. It wasn't fun; most of the men I met had been too cocky for their own good. But, I guess that's how I was too when I took it. Anyway, I had explained to Hawkeye that I at once reported that everything had gone smoothly with the meet and greets, and was assigned to take off on my next case in three hours. I still had to eat and alert Al that I was back...')

'Edward Elric. You are not to leave until you've gotten proper nourishment into your body.' She towered over me, which was not my fault, and proceeded to yank me up. 'I am taking you to get something to eat before your brother sees how malnourished you are.'

('With that said, I was dragged to the cafeteria to indulge in proper food, as Hawkeye said. There I tried to be supportive, she did say I didn't have to drink my milk, by telling her that her hair looked fine and that Mustang didn't have a snowball's chance in hell in making her wear a skirt. However, I thought she was going to kill me, when I brought up the shaving bit. She just gave me a look that said "Don't take your chances and shut up".')

Al stared at his brother. He didn't have to make it so obvious that he wasn't paying attention...Edward's eyes were glazed over, and in the position that he had put himself in, reminded Al of a picture he had seen in Sheska's art book collection. Said bookworm looked like she was about to pass out. Maes Hughes was slipping pictures around the room as Hawkeye droned on about what the costumes would look like.

Yes, it was to be a costume surprise party. The slips of paper everyone had received stated what costume they had to come in. Al was grimacing though, and because of certain issues no one could see it. He was going to be forced to attend the party as Peter Pan. 'Brother is going to get a kick out of painting me green.'

'Brother' was still in thought however. The slip of paper in his right auto mail hand saying what his costume would be had been forgotten.

('I still remember what she told me: It's that special feeling you get knowing that your legs are smooth and silky and no one else knows that.' she had explained.'

He also remembered that when he disagreed with her, and said that she was just being over sensitive...well instead of being shot in the head for the oversensitive comment, he had been dragged down to the female showers.)

'I'm going to show you why I like shaving, but find it positively annoying to do so.' She had hissed, rummaging around in the cabinet for something. 'Now Ed, put your leg up.'

He had pulled the pant leg up mutely and placed it on the small cubical ledge. No way was he going to argue with a woman determined to prove a point! No siree!

Satisfied, Riza had nodded. In a sudden move her gun was drawn, aimed, and shot. The Full Metal alchemist looked at the broken lock. No way was anyone going to save him now.

She handed him one of the two razors she had pulled out of the cabinet and kept one for herself. Telling Hawkeye that he didn't want to have her girly theories tested on him was more like saying, 'please shoot me?'

She than had yanked her own leg up to join his right one. 'Turn on the water Edward.' She had ordered, waving the gun around.

He remembered fumbling with the faucet that ran the shower. When he had finally gotten the smaller nozzle, the one that served in being used for rinsing off items without getting wet, to work, Riza handed him a bar of soap.

'Lather your leg with it.'

'Umm, `kay?' Sleeves were rolled up as the overcoat was discarded and hands immediately set to work at Riza's order.

His clumsy movements tried to mimic the sadist woman next to him and when the tedious job of lathering was accomplished, she took the pink-handled razor to her curved muscular leg. Apparently, said legs hadn't been touched by the object in a while. She brought the razor up, cutting through the fluffy apple smelling foam. When she had finished with her right calf, she motioned for the young man next to her to do the same.

'Hold the handle at an angle and don't press to hard against the skin or you'll remove more than hair.' She warned.

'Got it.' If Ed had thought that his lathering was clumsy...than his thoughts were corrected when pale skin was exposed by crooked strips. Surprisingly, he hadn't cut himself after he had shown his shaving sensei the work on his own calf.

'Good, we'll stop here.' Moving to wash off the rest of the soap, he looked at her, questioning her with his eyes before joining her.

'If we go any further, you will most-likely lose any dignity you have left in your masculinity. I don't want to be responsible for turning you. Wash off and leave.' With this said, he rinsed off and left a little disappointed.

"Brother! Brother!"

"Huh? Alphonse? What's going on?" A yawn escaped out of him as he looked at his brother.

"Big Brother...I'm really surprised at you."

"Huh?" With this Ed took a quick glance around the room; it was empty.

"You completely dozed off in the middle of the Lieutenant's instructions and plans, brother! You're lucky I took note of all the important details!" Al shook his head in a disapproving manner.

"Thanks, Al! Hehe, so what's going on?" Edward discarded his position on the chair and stood up to leave.

As they walked through the door discussing all the streamers and punch needed to be bought, Al neglected the fact that his brother wasn't aware of the type of party being thrown.

"So we're in charge of hanging streamers!" With that enthusiastically said, both boys made their way to their dorm room.

TBC

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