Gravitation Fan Fiction ❯ Obession Meets Reality ❯ Love Is Such A Hard Thing To Do ( Chapter 5 )

Title: Obsession Meets Reality - Chapter Five
Authors: Dark Nuriko and Mayhem’s Angel
Disclaimer: We do not own any part of Gravitation.
Warning: YAOI!!! Hot delicious gay man sex!! If you got a problem with that, take it elsewhere.
Notes: Tatsuha – Written by Nuriko
Ryuichi – Written by Mayhem
Tohma – Written by Mayhem – I have never written Tohma before, so he’s very OOC, but everyone in this fic is.

This fic is officially plotless. Many caught on, so we might as well admit it.

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Tatsuha nearly died when his lover had passed out. He quickly picked him up, with a little help, and took him to a waiting taxi. He arrived at home to carefully take his lover inside. Once he was certain Ryuichi was relaxing on the bed, a cool cloth on his head, he called up the only person he could think of - he called his brother-in-law.

With his nerves running at full, he listened to the phone ring. He then growled as he realized his brother-in-law always screened his calls and for once, he was ready to kill him. "Damn it, Tohma, for once don't be an ass," he growled. Once the answering machine kicked in and he could finally speak, he did so with a vengeance. "Tohma! Answer the phone! Something happened to Ryuichi and I need to talk to you!"

On the other end, Tohma quickly picked up the phone. "What the hell do you mean something happened to Ryuichi! What did you do to him?"

Tatsuha's eyes narrowed. "I didn't do anything!" he growled. "We were at a club, talking and suddenly he passed out..."

"Tell me what happened just before he passed out. What did you talk about?" He stressed, needing to know so he could take the right actions.

"A ballad of Nittle Graspers came on and he got tense on me. He said there was something, but he didn't want to tell me, and then he said he was sorry for ruining our date. But all was all right, I had ruined it myself. And then he began apologizing and then he passed out."

"I'll be right there." Tohma spoke, hanging up the phone before Tatsuha could reply. He knew what had happened. It hadn't happened in a long time, not since... stopping his own thoughts, he grabbed his coat and keys, racing out the door.

Tatsuha put down the phone and bit his lip, going to sit at his lover’s side until his brother-in-law showed up.

Letting himself in with his key, Tohma found them in the bedroom. "How long as he been out?" He asked, shrugging off his coat and rolling up his sleeves, placing a hand to the singer’s forehead.

Tatsuha looked at Tohma, worry across his face. He didn't want to hear what he knew Tohma was thinking... that it was all his fault. "About an hour now."

As he spoke, Ryuichi stirred slightly on the bed, but didn't wake. "Go make some tea. Something good to restore him." Tohma ordered, trying gently to wake the singer up. "Come on Ryu-chan. Wake up."

Tatsuha felt those words like a slap to the face, but moved off to do as he had been asked. After about ten minutes, he came back in, tea in hand. "Here, Tohma," he said softly, holding out the glass.

"Just set it on the table." Tohma spared him a quick glance, before looking back to Ryuichi. The singer’s prone figure twitched and he moaned. Dark eyelashes fluttered against deathly pale skin, opening to reveal glassy blue eyes.

"Souh…" Ryuichi murmured.

"Ryu. It's Tohma. Do you remember what happened?"

"Ugnh. T-Tohma? What are you doing here? Why does it hurt so much?"

"Tatsuha called me. He said that you had passed out. I don't think this is good for you anymore."

Tatsuha flinched, his eyes wide. He hadn't missed the other name falling from his lover's lips. Nor had he missed the look his brother-in-law sent his way. A part of him was hurting inside. It was as if he had been struck down. He hated it. And he hated that he had hurt his lover just by being with him. "I-I'm sorry."

Ryuichi's eyes flickered over to his lover, than back to Tohma. "Tatsuha... leave. I want to speak with Tohma-san alone." He spoke quietly, but firmly.

His face jerked, as if he had been slapped. Yet he swallowed and without another word, he turned and left. He stopped only long enough to grab his jacket from the hall closet before opening the front door and stepping out into the hallway.

Tohma turned back to Ryuichi after watching Tatsuha leave. "This is about Souh again, isn't it?" He got straight to the point.

Ryuichi looked down at the blankets covering his lap. "Yes. I keep having memories of him come up when I least want them too."

"I think that Tatsuha-san is bringing these back to surface. Souh was the same age, and it was only 6 years ago. This isn't good for you. You have to end this before you end up hurting yourself like you did before."

"I can't! I love him! I'm fine; it's not a big deal."

"Yes it is, Ryuichi! You can't go on like this!" Tohma argued.

"Nothing's wrong Tohma! Leave us alone! I won't let you take him from me!" Ryuichi yelled, starting to become hysterical.

"Ryu! Calm down! I just want what's best for you!" Tohma sat next to the singer on the bed, trying to calm him.

"You just want what's best for the band and the company! I won't let you do this to me again!" He shouted, struggling away from the other man.

Tatsuha stood there in shock. After forgetting his keys, he had returned to the apartment, only to look upon them with wide eyes. Ryu... had loved someone whom he, himself, had reminded the older man of? On top of that, there were some issues Tatsuha wasn't certain of. Trying to leave as quietly as he came in, he bumped into the kitchen table and caused the tea pot to fall to the floor.

Hearing the crash, both men froze. "Tatsuha?" Ryuichi called tentatively.

Tatsuha swallowed. Did he announce himself or did he hide or did he run? He didn't really know... so he just stayed there.

Getting up from his place on the bed next to Ryuichi, Tohma went out to the kitchen. "What are you doing?" He asked the teen icily.

"I - I forgot... my keys. I was... only back for a second... I swear."

Ryu limped to the doorway of his bedroom. "Tohma, leave him alone. Go home. Tatsuha, come here." He ordered, eyes showing that they would be sorry if they defied him.

Tatsuha swallowed; his eyes downcast. He hated this. He was usually a carefree and open kind of person. When it came to Tohma, he felt like a child. When it was with Ryuichi, he felt insecure. He wasn't certain he liked either when they got demanding on him. Yet he nodded, knowing this would just give Tohma another reason to hate him.

Tohma glared at his singer before turning to the door. "Think about what I said." He told the other man, opening the door and leaving.

Ryuichi just ignored him, drawing Tatsuha close to him.

Tatsuha went into Ryuichi's arms, his eyes still downcast.

Watching the door shut behind his old friend, he turned to his lover. "I'm sorry. Don't listen to anything he said."

"He has a good point, Ryu..."

"What? That I shouldn't be with you? Is that what you want?"

He shook his head sadly. "No, I don't. But I don't want to be a nasty reminder that will eventually only hurt you."

"No. No, you aren't. Something… happened six years ago. I couldn’t stop it, and Souh, my lover, got hurt. He-he… it killed him. And I… there was nothing I could do to protect him. I just don’t want the same to happen with us. I love you too much to let you get hurt.

Look, I don't want to talk about it right now. I'll tell you everything tomorrow. I just want to sleep now."

Tatsuha looked at Ryuichi, his face absolutely serious. "I won’t be hurt. Nothing bad will happen, to either of us. You were hurt then too, but you won’t be with me. Souh and I may have been the same age, and also your lovers, but we don’t have anything else in common, do we?”

"Yes. No, I mean... I don't know. The memories have been bothering me lately. I haven’t truly loved someone since Souh, but your love is pure and deep. The kind I’ve always wished to experience, and I hope that it’s the same for you. You are the same age, and I was hurt. That's why I'm usually the crazy insane child. But I've gotten better since then, and being with you has helped.

Is that enough for now? I'm really tired, Tatsuha. Can you save the rest for later?"

Tatsuha kept his eyes down, realizing that his brother-in-law was right. Even with the singer’s explanation, he still felt as if he was a burden and was doing some really bad things for Ryuichi... and as much as it hurt, he knew there was only one thing he could do. "We can save it," he said softly.

"Okay. Come on. Let's go to bed." He smiled softly at Tatsuha.

Tatsuha knew he would have to pretend... once he did what he was planning, there would be no other time. He smiled back and leaned against Ryuichi, a soft smile on his lips.

Placing a quick kiss on Tatsuha's dark head, the other man pulled him into the bedroom. Getting settled in bed, he brought his arms around his lover, holding him close, drawing as much comfort as he could.

Tatsuha cuddled with his lover. He held Ryu just as closely and he pressed a kiss softly on the other man’s lips.

Returning the kiss briefly, Ryu drifted off to sleep, trying to keep his worries at bay.

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Tatsuha waited till the older man was sound asleep. He wrote him a letter, explaining why he was leaving and all. He then packed up his few belongings and the one tape Ryu had given him, before moving to the bed room door. He looked back at Ryuichi, tears falling from his eyes. He hated what he was doing, but Tohma was right. Ryuichi would only get worse because of him. Not better. If he left now, he could spare Ryuichi a deeper heart ache and pain that would come with waiting till things got too difficult. He wiped his eyes and turned away, walking out of the life of the only man he had ever wanted to be with.

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Ryuichi woke up with a start in the middle of the night. Glancing over at his alarm clock, it glowed 2:48. Flopping back onto the bed, he reached out for Tatsuha, but found nothing but air. Sitting up again, he looked around wondering why he wasn't in bed at three in the morning. Getting up, he noticed the bathroom was still dark. Going into the living room, he saw Tatsuha wasn't sitting watching TV, or even sleeping on the couch. Ryuichi was heading back to his room, thinking he had maybe just gone for a late night walk, needing fresh air, space to think, when he saw the envelope lying on the coffee table. Picking it up, he opened it, reading over the contents.

My Dear Ryuichi,
If you are reading this, then it means that I've already left. I'm sorry to be such a coward and leave this way. I should have stayed because I love you. I should have remained because it would have been the braver thing to do. But I couldn't. I saw what being with me did to you, so I left. I took the only way out I saw. Now, you can move on. Find someone whom you can love without the pain of the past. I want you to be happy, above everything, Ryu. You made me the happiest man alive for those days we had together and I wouldn't change that for anything on this world. Know that the reason I leave is because I love you so much. I can not bear to be the one to bring the most pain upon you.
Love always,
Tatsuha Uesugi
#1 fan... and grateful lover.

Ryuichi looked at the letter a final time, the ink now blurred with his tears and Tatsuha's. "But... But... I love you, Tatsuha! Don't leave me!" His sobs came harder now, and he collapsed onto the couch, crying out the pain in his heart until the sun next woke him.


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