Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ In the Arms of the Angel ❯ Crossing Paths - 2 ( Chapter 19 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Part XIX

He almost killed his best friend. He had seen the condition Quatre was in as he was cradled in Trowa's arms on the hard bathroom floor. How low had he truly sunk? He almost killed Quatre. He vaguely remembered Quatre fighting him, but he had forced the needle into Quatre's arm anyway. How could he? How could he stoop so low? How could he forget his humanity?

Drugs.

Since about a month before Heero had found him in that stark motel room, he had hated drugs as much as he loved them. And it had only gotten worse. He couldn't live without those drugs. He absolutely despised those drugs.

When had he fallen? How had he gotten off track?

Heroin. His so-called life force. His fix.

His curse.

He believed Heero, now. He had a problem, one that he had been denying and making excuses for since long before Heero had ever found him. Even now he was aching for another fix. He craved the drug even as he despised it for what he had done. His regret was that it had taken Quatre's near-death for him to realize that he did have a problem. How had he ever gotten mixed up in drugs in the first place? When had he lost his humanity?

He rocked back and forth on the hospital bed stroking his braid. He gently fingered the IV that was dripping desperately needed fluids into his bloodstream. It was in the same place that he had put his own needle.

Oh God. How was he ever going to face Quatre again? How was he ever going to face himself? He burst into silent tears, cursing the day he had tried drugs, cursing the day he had been born.

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He swept down the halls in brooding silence, ignoring the various doctors and patients roaming the halls. He could hear a gentle weeping as he drew closer to room 133. Duo's room. His heart clenched at the immense sorrow and bitterness in Duo's sobs and he gently pushed the door open. Duo was hugging his knees to his chest with his head buried in his arms. He was weeping. He was too thin, and his skin seemed sallow and pale. Duo rocked himself back and forth.

"Duo." Heero spoke softly as he approached the bed, not wanting to startle Duo. How was he supposed to handle this? Part of him wanted to yell at Duo, ask he how he could be so stupid, to be completely horrified at what Duo had done. But the other part of him wanted to gather Duo in his arms, to cradle him in his arms and tell him that it would be all right. He couldn't condone Duo's actions, but could he really condemn him?

He loved Duo, with all his heart, and he couldn't bear to be without him. He couldn't bear to see Duo destroy himself. Duo had to understand he had a problem. But how? Duo seemed to think that everything was okay, that nothing was wrong, and nothing Heero could do or say would change Duo's mind.

He sat on the edge of the hospital bed, facing Duo. Duo slowly raised his head from his arms, red and swollen eyes stared at Heero. Tears tracks, old and fresh, littered his cheeks. Duo chewed on his bottom lip. No one said anything. Unrepressed sobs echoed through the otherwise silent room.

"I'm sorry." Duo whispered. "I don't know why." His voice turned into a sobbing wail. "I want to know why!" His head dropped back into his arms.

"Duo." Heero wanted Duo to look at him. He wanted to be able to read Duo, and he couldn't if he couldn't see his eyes. Duo's face remained hidden in his arms, his voice muffled as he tried to speak.

"I wish things were different." Heero's eyes stung, and he nodded, unable to voice his wishes. Duo slowly raised his head to look at Heero. Duo reached a hand toward Heero's face. Heero grabbed it and lovingly squeezed it. Duo's eyes squeezed shut as he burst into new sobs. "I need help. Will you help me?" Heero's heart stopped. He nodded. Duo looked away.

"Of course, Duo. I'd do anything for you if I could." Duo nodded.

"I know. That's what makes this so hard." Duo turned back to him. "I failed you. What I did was unforgivable." The last part was a whisper. "I can't forgive me." Heero brought Duo's hand to his lips.

"What you did was horrendous, but I still love you, Duo. I'll always love you. No matter what." Duo leaned into Heero's chest, and he wrapped his arms around Duo's trembling form. "I love you." He buried his face into Duo's hair. "I wish things were different, too. I wish that I had never listened to Relena. I wish that I had told her where to shove herself and came home and just held you. I wish I didn't cause you to run. I wish I could found you before you had started using drugs. I wish you hadn't gotten addicted. I wish we weren't sitting here. I wish we were at home watching some sappy movie." Duo laughed.

"Sappy movie? Since when are you into sappy movies?" Heero breathed in deeply, hugging Duo closer to himself.

"Since I lost you." Duo peered up at him.

"You didn't lose me. I lost me." Heero brushed some hair away from Duo's face.

"No. I lost you. But now I've found you. And I'm so glad that I did." Duo grinned.

"You sound like a song." Heero laughed.

"I was lost, but now am found, was blind but now I see." Heero gently sang into Duo's hair. Duo was crying again.

"I'm so sorry, Heero. I was blind." Heero gently rubbed Duo's back with a calm he didn't feel.

"And now you see." Another sob was lost in Heero's shirt.

"I don't like what I see."

"But you'll work hard and you'll eventually like what you see." Duo shook his head.

"You don't understand, Heero." Duo pulled back to look at Heero. Heero brushed some hair away from Duo's face. "I would do anything right now to shoot up. I need it, Heero. And I hate it." Heero drew his eyebrows together in confusion.

"I don't understand."

"I don't want to take anymore Heroin, but I feel as if I'm going to die without it." Heero pulled Duo to his chest. He didn't want to hear this. He didn't want to know how addicted Duo was; he just wanted him to be better. But he knew that he had to listen; that he had to know. Duo was his soul mate, and if he wanted him to get better, he had to be there every step of the way.

"We'll figure something out, Duo. We'll make you better. I'll be there whenever you need me. I promise." Duo's arms wrapped around him tighter and he kissed the top of Duo's head. "I love you."

"I love you."

It wasn't until after Duo had fallen asleep that Heero finally left the bedside. He slowly closed the door behind him so as not to make a sound to wake Duo. He turned to face across the hall where Quatre was lying in the silence of a coma.

And then there was Trowa.

Heero paused outside of Quatre's room as he contemplated what he would say to Trowa. In the end, he decided not to say anything. He would just say what came to him at that moment, anything else would be rehearsed and not from the heart. All Trowa needed to hear was that someone was there for him. A small part of Heero wanted to know when someone would be there for him, but he quickly shook that off and opened the door. He stayed silent as his feet carried him into the room and up to the foot of the bed.

Quatre looked as if he was asleep. He almost didn't look real. He seemed as though he was a porcelain doll resting on the bed waiting for a child to get home. However, when he looked closer, he could see the heavy dark rings under Quatre's eyes. His hair almost seemed translucent, and his cheeks were sunken in. There were tubes and hoses everywhere. And the pale glow of monitors threw uncomfortable shadows across Quatre's china face.

Trowa sat on a chair beside the bad holding Quatre's hand. He swayed slowly in his chair as if in a stupor. His face was blank of anything, and his eyes seemed to stare at nothing. His thumb gently brushed across the back of Quatre's hand. Heero cleared his throat.

If Trowa had been startled by the sudden sound, he made no reaction to show it. Instead, he just calmly turned his face up to where Heero stood. Trowa nodded once in acknowledgement and turned back to studying Quatre's still form.

"How is he?" Heero whispered, afraid of shattering the deathly silence that was draped over the room. Trowa lowered his head, looking at the floor.

"Coma." Trowa turned his eyes to Heero's face. "The doctors can't say anything other than the longer he stays in this coma, the less likely he'll awake." Tears were slipping unnoticed down Trowa's cheeks. Heero placed his hand on Quatre's blanket covered foot.

"He's strong."

"He's been through so much."

"He's survived much."

"He was broken when I found him."

"He's always been stronger than we ever gave him credit for."

"I can't find my hope." Heero moved forward and crouched in front of Trowa.

"When was the last time you ate?" Trowa shrugged. "Let's visit the cafeteria. We both need to eat, and I think you need to stretch." For a moment Trowa looked like he was going to refuse, and Heero mentally prepared himself to drag Trowa's ass out of the hospital room, however, Trowa's shoulders sagged a touch more and he barely nodded his head, breath hissing through his teeth as he resigned himself to Heero's care. Heero helped Trowa stand up and guided him to the hallway. They were silent as they got their food and sat down. They began eating in silence.

"He told me that he loved me." Trowa was the first to break the silence. Heero took in his first good look at Trowa under the glaring fluorescence of the cafeteria. He looked like shit, to put it bluntly. He was almost as bad as Quatre, only his coloring was a little warmer, but not by much. It was obvious that he had done nothing but cry by Quatre's bedside over the last twelve hours.

"Quatre is good for you. He'll make you happy. You'll make him happy." Trowa nodded and placed another bite in his mouth.

"I am happy." Heero understood almost immediately that Trowa was trying to ignore Quatre's condition for the moment. That he was trying to eat a meal in some semblance of peace. Heero understood better than he thought Trowa could. "I love him so much, Heero. I want to give him everything I can. I want to be with him every chance I get. I want to protect him from the world."

"You can't hide him from everything, Trowa, but you will make him happy."

"How did we get here, Heero?" The abrupt question made Heero freeze in confusion. A part of his mind wanted to answer that he took a shuttle and a taxi to get here, but the rest of his mind sat in numb silence as he tried to think the question through. In the end, he replaced his full fork onto the plate and pushed it to the side.

"I don't know. I don't know." He knew exactly what Trowa was asking, but he honestly didn't know where everything had gone wrong. Sure, he had caused Duo to take off that night when he threw him out, but what had made him listen to Relena? Where had he, as in Heero, gone wrong? And what about Quatre? Sure, the lack of contact from his friends had caused him to seek out alternate comforts, but why had Trowa felt the overwhelming urge to leave in the first place? Where had Trowa gone wrong?

Where had Duo and Quatre gone wrong that they had even resorted to this shell of an existence? Yes, they had had some rather difficult punches thrown their way, but they had always bounced back before. What was different this time?

How did they get here? And how were they going to get back?

Trowa shoved his food away and stood up.

"I'm going back to Quatre's room." He turned toward the cafeteria entrance. Heero stood and followed Trowa down the hall. He touched Trowa's arm, halting his forward progress. The milling crowds faded to nothing around them.

"What's going to happen?" Trowa looked at the floor as Heero studied his profile.

"I don't know." Silence filled the hall around them as thickly as molasses. "I do know that until Quatre wakes up I cannot forgive Duo." Trowa looked up at him. Heero fought the sudden urge to step away from the pain shattering Trowa's eyes. "I do know that you can lean on me in your dilemma with Duo. And I do know that his doesn't affect our friendship -- at least on my side." Heero nodded in understanding and acquiescence.

"I understand. Our friendship stands, and you can lean on me as well." Trowa nodded and moved on, leaving Heero to stand in middle of the billowing hallway, and as a traffic nuisance to the flurry of doctors and nurses rushing from patient to patient. He waited there until the fluctuating crowd had swallowed up Trowa's form. Almost as if by cue the sonority of rushing feet and softly rushed voices filled his ears, almost deafening by the suddenness. Heero turned once to gather his senses and watch the rush of physicians in their daily convention. He turned toward Duo's room and silently slipped down the hall.