Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Letters from Duo ❯ Chapter 32

By: Mel and Christy
Warnings: Humour

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Duo listened to Relena rummaging around in the two-roomed shack's excuse for a bathroom and heaved a sigh of relief. He quickly removed all the bows from his numerous tiny braids, cursing the blonde girl continuously, then stood up, stretched and dug out his laptop.

"Heero is a sadist. I never should have forced a sense of humour on him. I never should have fixed him and the Blonde Menace to Society up together. I shouldn't have shot him in the arm. I should have let him rot in that Alliance hospital. He hates me. The universe hates me. This is torture... cruel and inhumane. Why me?"

Opening his email program, he listened once more to the noises in the bathroom, then started to type.

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FROM: Braided_Baka@SAVE_ME.net
TO: Psycho_Killer@Fafafafa.org
SENT: 19:03 March 27, 197AC
SUBJECT: Heeeeeeeeeelp me!

---message begins---

Heero!

What the hell have you been saying to Relena?! Your onna is driving me crazy! Next time *you* babysit, and I'll go and get shot at! She's been asking me all sorts of PERSONAL questions, and I don't mean height, weight, and shoe-size! Then she tried to kiss me! Said she was comparison shopping! She wouldn't even take 'I'm gay! I don't kiss girls!' as a no! She stalked me into a corner, Heero!

Okay, she did admit she was just teasing, but since when does she tease me? When did she start pulling pranks? When did she learn Gundam Stealth 201? And when did she learn my secret? The secret about me, brush, hair, fall asleep... yeah, you know that one. You told her, didn't you? I will get you back, Hee-chan.

She begged to brush my hair (I never though I'd hear Relena say 'I'm bored' in my tone of voice, by the way), giving me that puppy dog look that works so well on you, and I caved in and said fine. First mistake. She brushed until, as usual, I fell asleep, and when I woke up I had a million little skinny braids. But! That wasn't the worst! Somewhere she came up with a bunch of girly ribbons (she probably cut up a shirt, who knows?) and put bows on each braid! THAT is going just a bit too far! We've only been here a day and a half... what will she do to me next?

Hee-chan... can I please tie her to a chair until you and Tro take care of the problem?! Or lock her in a closet-- er... never mind-- we don't have a closet!

By the way... How did you find this piece of crap safehouse? It's awful; rats live better! It's worse than that shack I was stuck in on that tundra and lingerie mission.

Okay, I'll let you go wreak havoc and mayhem. I need to find something to keep the Menace to Duos occupied with-- SHIT! Nail polish?! Bright red nail polish?! She keeps red nail polish in her purse?! Relena... you are NOT using that stuff on me! Duo does NOT wear nail polish!

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeero! Come and save me!

--Duo... just call me 'Pretty' once...

P.S. Don't listen to Duo. I'm not abusing him... much. I'll give him back in the same condition I got him in when I'm done playing with him. Take care of yourself! --Relena

P.P.S. Tell Trowa that I hope he's well, and I'm sorry that he got stuck on this mission. --Relena

---message ends---

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* * * * *

"...Trowa?"

"Hm?"

"Is there any way we can complete this mission faster?"

Trowa eyed the faintly sick expression on Heero's face with interest, and shook his head. "I don't think so. Why?"

"Duo may never speak to me again if we don't get them out of that safehouse soon."

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FROM: Psycho_Killer@Fafafafa.org
TO: Braided_Baka@SAVE_ME.net
SENT: 20:35 March 27, 197AC
SUBJECT: Re: Heeeeeeeeeelp me!

---message begins---

Duo,

You do so kiss girls, even if it was only once. Hilde tattled. And I've told you before, what do you mean, '*my* onna'?

You're just as much to blame for this situation as I am. If *you* hadn't intervened, Relena wouldn't have the sort of sense of humour that would find all that funny. And I did *not* tell her about the hair thing. She's a girl; brushing hair seems to be a girl thing.

Yes, Relena, that is sort of sexist. It's also true.

Duo: No, you may not tie her up.

Relena: Let up on him or I'll change my mind about that.

--Heero

P.S. Trowa says he's glad it's Duo and not him guarding you, Relena; he'd hate to find out what you'd do to *his* hair.

---message ends---

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Heero clicked 'send' and raised wary eyes to Trowa. "Duo, Relena, safehouse together... this is so not good."

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