Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Painful Confessions ❯ One-Shot

AN: Guess what? It's another songfic to the same song as Reasons. I didn't really like how it turned out. Anyway, it's different than the first one. It's better! Enjoy! Oh, also I did spelling/grammar check but I don't think it caught all the errors and I don't feel like checking. Sorry.

Disclaimer: I do not own Duo or Hilde. It is owned by Sunrise, Bandai and Sotsu Agency. And I do not own The Purest of Pain. It's owned by Son by 4.

Painful Confessions

"I can't do this," she whispered through her tears. "I can't live without him." She raked her hands through her hair and sighed heavily. "I need you, Duo. Why'd you do this to me?" She wiped her tears away with her hands but it did nothing to stop the flow. She hated it. She hated that she couldn't seem to stop crying. "I'm stronger than this!" she cried angrily. She bit her bottom lip in an effort to stop its quivering but to no avail. Her tears began anew. It had been two weeks since Duo had left and all she'd done in those two weeks was mope. She hated herself for doing it but who could blame her? He was her everything. She knew that she shouldn't have placed all her hopes and dreams in one person; she new better, but she genuinely thought they'd be together forever. They'd been together for so long that she thought nothing would ever come between them. She sat up on the bed and hugged her knees to her chest. She thought she would be happy forever. Hell, she thought he was happy with the way things were.

She sighed and hugged her knees tighter. She took an unsteady breath and tried to focus on stopping her tears. It didn't work. She was dying inside and she couldn't do anything about it. She looked at the clock on her nightstand and winced. It was four a.m. She'd gone to bed three ours ago without being able to sleep. But what was one more sleepless night without him? What did it matter if she didn't show up for work tomorrow? She hadn't been to work in two weeks. She was pathetic. But knowing she would never be with him again was an even worse feeling than self-pity. She wanted to hear his voice. She needed to hear it. Maybe that would appease her broken heart. But she couldn't call him. They'd made an agreement. She wasn't supposed to call his house.

I'm sorry I didn't mean to call you but I couldn't fight it

I guess I was weak and couldn't even hide it

And so I surrendered just to hear your voice

Just to hear your voice

I know how many times I said I'm gonna live without you

And maybe someone else standing there beside you

But there's something, baby, that you need to know

That deep inside me, I feel like I'm dying

I have to see you, it's all that I'm asking

"Screw it," she whispered and picked up the phone. She dialed and waited for the phone to be picked up on the other end. She held her breath for the few seconds it took Duo to answer.

"Hello?" he answered, she smiled slightly at the sleepiness in his voice, she had always thought he'd sounded sexy in the morning. She let go of the breath she'd been holding. If she were to die at that precise moment she'd die a happy woman. Who knew that such a simple word could bring so much pleasure?

She breathed deeply and spoke slowly. "I just… needed to hear your voice."

"Hilde-" he started but she spoke before he could finish.

"I know, I know. I'm not supposed to call, but I couldn't help myself, Duo." Forgetting her tears for the moment, she concentrated on the sound of his soft baritone. The same voice that he'd used to tell her he would love and cherish her forever.

"Hilde, this isn't right. We had an-"

"I know!" she said exasperatedly. "But please understand, Duo. Please." Her lip quivered again and she bit it, trying to contain her tears.

He sighed and shook his head. "Understand what, Hilde? We can't do this. You just can't call me like this out of the blue and expect me to be okay with it. We're not together anymore. I'm sorry," he said genuinely.

Hilde started to cry again. Hearing him say it was worse than thinking about it had been.

"I know-"

"I know you know! But what I want to know is why you're calling me?" he sighed again and she just knew that he had run his fingers through his bangs. He always did that when he was exasperated.

Baby, give me back my fantasies

The courage that I need to live

The air that I breathe

Baby without you my world's become so empty

The days are so cold and lonely

Each night I taste the purest of pain

"I called you because I feel like I'm dying inside. I know I shouldn't be telling you this, and please believe me when I say I don't want to make you feel bad, but I just need to tell you this. I'm not okay. I'm not doing fine. I truly wish to God that I could say I'm doing well and that I'm not hurting anymore, but I can't. It hurt like hell when you walked away, Duo. And I'm sorry that I'm not doing as well as you are with this but you have to know that you are-were-everything to me. I can just brush it off like you," she said sadly.

"I'm not brushing it off, Hilde," he said defensively. He sighed again but didn't say anything.

"I know that there's absolutely nothing I can do about us now, but that doesn't mean that I'm just going stop loving you from one day to the next." She paused for a second. Hoping her words were sinking in. "It doesn't work like that for me."

"I doesn't work like that for me either, Hilde. You make it sound like I just tossed you away one day," he said accusingly.

"I'm not saying that, Duo."

I wish I could tell you I'm feeling better every day

That it didn't hurt when you walked away

But to tell you the truth I can't find my way

That deep inside me, I feel like I'm dying

I have to see you, it's all that I'm asking, baby

"Then what are you saying?" he asked quietly.

"It's just that…" she trailed off. "I wish you hadn't left me," she whispered through her tears.

He was quiet for a few minutes. She thought that he might have hung up on her. "Duo?" she asked.

"I didn't leave you, Hilde," he said softly.

Her breath hitched in her throat before she could speak. For God's sake, couldn't she stop crying for a moment? "Then what do you call it Duo because we sure as hell didn't break up. You didn't tell me you wanted to break up, you didn't give me any explanation as to why you left."

"Things change, Hilde. Did you expect everything to stay the same forever?" he asked angrily.

She wished she could see his face right then. "I know they change. But I didn't… I couldn't fathom you just telling me it was over one day. I thought that if we over broke up it would be over something big. At least have a fight about it. But we didn't. You didn't even give me a chance."

Baby, give me back my fantasies

The courage that I need to live

The air that I breathe

Baby without you my world's become so empty

The days are so cold and lonely

Each night I taste the purest of pain

"Don't make this so hard, Hilde," he pleaded. He'd never meant to hurt her, but sometimes things couldn't be helped.

"I think this is harder on me. I feel like everything's been torn apart inside me. I don't know if I'll be able to pick up the pieces. Everything is broken now; my heart, my life, my home. Everything's been turned upside down and I'm right in the middle of it and I can't do anything about it. I have feelings I don't know what to do with. I'm empty, Duo."

"No you're not, Hilde. You're still young-"

Baby, give me back my fantasies

The courage that I need to live

The air that I breathe

Baby without you my world's become so empty

My days are so cold and lonely

Each night I taste the purest of pain

She sobbed slightly and shook her head even though he couldn't see her. "I don't want anyone else. I want you, and it kills me to know that you can't be with me. That I can't have you. I hate myself for acting this way, for thinking that I'm never going to get over this, but I can't help it."

"I'm sorry," he whispered sincerely.

"So am I," she said hoarsly.

"I'm sorry I can't be with you anymore. I'm sorry for hurting you this way, and I hope you understand that I never meant for this to happen. I didn't just wake up one day and decided that I didn't have the same feelings that I once did. I didn't mean for it to go like this."

Baby, give me back my fantasies

The courage that I need to love

The air that I breathe

"It's just so hard for me. I still love you and I don't know if I will ever stop loving you. I don't know when this pain will go away. I wish you could be with me."

"I know."

"I'm sorry I called," she said and hung up the phone. There wasn't anything more to be said between the two of them. There wasn't anything she could do if he didn't want to be with her anymore. She shut her eyes tightly and her shoulders began to shake with the force of her sobs.

I'm sorry I didn't mean to call you but I couldn't fight it

I guess I was weak and couldn't even hide it

And so I surrendered just to hear your voice…

"I wish you still loved me," she whispered to the empty room.

What did she do now? When her heart was broken and her life had been torn apart?

The End

AN: The other one didn't have enough angst in it for me. It even ended with hope. I like this one much better. Anyway, here's a link to the original Spanish lyrics of this song, if anyone is interested.