Hikaru No Go Fan Fiction ❯ The Extent of Denial ❯ Ultimatum ( Chapter 29 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

By: kk_twin

Akira took a deep breath and knocked on Hikaru's front door. His rival's abandoned shoes dangled from the fingers of his other hand.

He hated to stop by unannounced, but it had been two days since he'd last seen the other boy and there had been no response to his messages. He was very concerned that perhaps Hikaru had never made it home, or that some other terrible thing had happened.

Hikaru's mother answered the door, looking quite surprised to see him. “Oh! Touya-kun, I didn't know you were coming over.”

He bowed deeply. “I apologize for stopping by unannounced, Shindou-san, but I needed to see Hikaru.”

She smiled. “You're always welcome here. He has another friend over right now, but I'm sure that he wouldn't mind you going right on up.”

“Thank you.” He quickly toed off his shoes and put on house-slippers, setting Hikaru's shoes down as well.

Who else could be over? Waya? Much as he disliked seeing Waya, he would never avoid seeking Hikaru out for something that trivial. For anything, actually.

Akira ascended the stairs quickly, heartbeat accelerating the closer he drew to the other pro's bedroom door. Events from the night of the house-warming party kept whirling around in his head, mixing with his pre-existing feelings for Hikaru.

He'd had enough of this - it was time to tell his friend how he truly felt about him. He had a moment's hesitation before opening the door, uncertain of his reception and how he should handle someone else's presence during something that should be private.

Shaking his head, he turned the knob, slowly pushing the door open. The sight that greeted him made him wish he hadn't.

Hikaru was sprawled out across the bed, half undressed, face flushed. Akira's thoughts scattered like stones spilled from a Go-ke. His body responded instinctively to the sight, recalling last night quite clearly.

Unfortunately, Kota was lying across the green-eyed boy and kissing down his torso in a rather determined fashion. His rival was not resisting - only lying there with his eyes closed.

Mine! he thought furiously, outraged at the trespass of Kota upon his favorite person.

The nausea kicked in suddenly, mingling badly with his desire and rage.

Before Akira could retreat unobtrusively to gather himself, Hikaru's head rolled to the side, green eyes opening to capture his. They widened slowly in horror as they registered his presence. “Akira!” Hikaru exclaimed, moving to sit up.

He turned and ran back down the stairs, pulse hammering in his throat and temples. He felt sick and aroused all at once, body flashing alternately hot and cold. Seeing Hikaru like that - but not with him. There was no way he could tell the other boy how he felt after interrupting something like that. It hadn't looked like they were going to stop any time soon before he'd barged in.

“Akira, Akira!” Hikaru called after him, pounding down the stairs in an effort to catch up.

He didn't want Hikaru to catch him.

He wanted to run away and hide from this situation, from the state his life was in.

He didn't want to meet those eyes again.

Akira ran faster.

_________________________________________________________________ _______

Hikaru was still trying to button his jeans as he ran down the stairs. It didn't help that he was accosted by his mother on his way to the front door.

She frowned at him, moving to intercept him at the foot of the stairs. “Hikaru! Where are you going like—“

“Shut up, mom, Akira's upset!” he blurted out, dodging past her to race out the front door that Akira had left open in his rush to vacate the building.

He sprinted down the driveway after Akira, barefoot and shirtless. He knew it would be better to leave things be, more convenient, but he just couldn't make the easy choice.

The fact that it was Akira made questions of logic and convenience moot - his heart automatically took control of his body when those aqua eyes looked at him like that. As if Akira's world had shattered before him.

As he came within range, he reached out and snagged his rival's arm, swinging the aqua-eyed boy around to face him and thus forcing him to a sudden halt.

“You're a jerk!” Akira spat at him, eyes fierce and wild like those of a cornered animal.

“W-what??” he stuttered, shrinking back a little at Akira's vehemence but not releasing the slender wrist in his grasp. “What did I do?”

“You never called me back, and I left messages! I was so worried about you, and since you never called me back, I had to come over to make sure that you were still alive! I didn't even sleep that night!” Akira's voice was quavering with distress, even while containing a note of anger.

Belatedly, he noted the dark circles under Akira's eyes, the lines of strain around them. “You were that worried about me?” he asked softly, surprised.

“Yes, you idiot!” the other boy snapped. “If you had listened to the messages, you would have known! Why didn't you listen?” Akira's eyes had paled in the way they always did when his rival was very upset.

Hikaru captured Akira's other hand in mid-gesture and slowly started pulling the other boy back towards his house. It would be better not to have loud arguments in the middle of the street. It was bad enough that his mother and Kota were standing outside the front door, watching them argue.

“Answer me!” his rival barked, eyes flaring like something about to explode.

His shoulders tensed involuntarily, quite familiar with the `critical point' tone. “Because I've been busy,” he muttered rebelliously. “Sorry.”

“You're too busy for me, your only rival and best friend?” Akira asked quietly, eyes narrowing.

Hikaru sighed through clenched teeth. “I can't give you as much time as I used to, Akira. I have someone, and you're just that - my friend. That's how it is with normal friends. You know? I've probably given you too much over the years because you're so demanding.”

Akira glared darkly enough at him to burn through steel, tugging violently in an attempt to free his hands from Hikaru's grip. “Is that the only reason? Just because I'm demanding?”

Hikaru choked on the tension that suddenly tightened in his throat, realizing his mistake in phrasing only after his friend's reaction. “No, of course it isn't. It's just…it was easy to…to do.” He sounded so pathetic and timid!

“Why can't friends spend all of their time together?” the aqua-eyed boy demanded, lifting his chin in challenge.

“Because there are other things in life when we become adults,” he said under his breath, very aware of his mother's presence.

“Oh, yes. That. I just had a shining example of what you mean, as I obviously interrupted something. That's probably what has been keeping you so busy lately, so occupied! Isn't that right, Hikaru?” Akira's eyes were dangerous now, like thin ice. “And you never tell me, damn you!” the other boy cried, looking wounded.

“B-but it doesn't matter!” he stuttered, looking for a way to dig himself out of the rapidly collapsing hole that he found himself in.

“What does Touya-kun mean, Hikaru?” his mother asked, sounding concerned.

“He's obsessive,” Hikaru said as an aside to his mother.

Akira reared back, eyes flashing. “Who's obsessive, Hikaru?? Who left me fifteen messages in a handful of days? Who wouldn't leave me alone? Who kissed me? Who has a tattoo of my name? I think that's you, Hikaru!” His rival managed to free one wrist and was gesturing wildly and somewhat violently at him.

He bristled, glaring back, and tossed his bangs out of his face. “Fine!” Hikaru snarled hotly. “I'll leave you alone!”

“I didn't say I wanted to be left alone!” the other boy shot back, voice raised almost to yelling.

“Then what the fuck do you want? Because I sure as hell can't tell!! First you say no, then you won't leave me alone—“

“What is this about, Hikaru?” his mother broke in again, voice becoming stern. “And watch your language, young man.”

Hikaru glanced at her briefly. “Mom, this doesn't involve you.”

The curt dismissal didn't seem to faze her. “Of course it does. You're my son, and I suspected that there was an issue that you wouldn't confide in me about, especially when you'd come home crying like a little boy, and now I—“

“Oh GOD, mom, please—“ Hikaru began, humiliated and annoyed.

“Those Western mannerisms—“ Akira was chastising him.

Kota broke in at the same time. “You know, Hikaru, I thought you told me everything--”

Hikaru released Akira's wrist and clapped his hands to his ears, closing his eyes tightly. “AHHH!!!! I can't take it! Will all of you just please… oh, forget it!” He threw his hands up in the air and pivoted on his heel, turning to stalk down the street by himself.

“Where are you going?!” Akira snapped. “I'm not finished yet!”

“Of course you're not finished,” he muttered under his breath, kicking at a loose stone with his bare foot. The pain of connection was minimal, and did nothing to distract him from the tearing feeling in his chest and the confusion in his mind.

“I'll call you later,” he tossed over his shoulder. “Thanks for caring. Really.” He could hear the silent burn of Akira's reaction to his offhand response, but he would have to fix it later.

He couldn't deal with anything else at the moment. He needed time to think.

_________________________________________________________________ _______

Akira wished that he still had Hikaru's shoes in his hand. At least he would have had something to hurl after the other boy. As it was, he could barely restrain himself from yelling something rude back.

He was left standing there awkwardly, Shindou-san and Kota staring at him as if the mess was all his fault. Fortunately, he wasn't the one to break it.

“So, Fujie-kun, I take it that there's something more than friendship between my son and yourself?” Her tone was deceptively casual as she indicated Kota's shirtless state and bare feet.

Kota paused, looking blank and slightly frantic. “Ahh…you see, Shindou-san—“

“Kota has been dating Hikaru for slightly more than three weeks,” Akira broke in coldly, glaring at Kota from the corner of his eye.

Hikaru's mother gasped. “I never would have…Fujie-kun, you do realize that you may no longer spend unchaperoned time with my son. In addition, even though Hikaru is almost an adult, he is still under my roof. I'm not sure what I think of this relationship, or even if I want to allow it to continue.”

There was an uncomfortable silence during which Kota shifted stance at least twice and Shindou-san cleared her throat.

“How old are you, Fujie-kun?” Hikaru's mother finally asked.

Akira hid a smirk as he pretended to ignore the conversation.

“I'm…twenty-three, ma'am.” Kota's tone was dull and flat.

“Oh, that's certainly too old for my Hikaru, even if you weren't a boy.” Shindou-san replied matter-of-factly.

He was positively bubbling over with mirth at that last remark. This just got better and better.

Take that, Kota.

He glanced over when he heard the closing of the front door and had to control his expression when he saw that he had been left alone with Kota. The man was giving him a cool, measuring look that wasn't very pleasant.

“So, Touya. Trying to start trouble again? Give it up.” Kota walked down the driveway towards him, posture deceptively casual.

The attitude of the other immediately put him on his guard. He waited Hikaru's boyfriend out.

“After all,” the man continued, “I'm his boyfriend. You're only his rival. I hate to have to bring this home to you so harshly, but it seems that you're bound and determined to challenge me until I set things straight.”

Akira remained silent, glaring balefully into the dark eyes that looked down into his, watching for his reaction.

Kota shrugged and continued. “It's like this. I rank. You don't. Rivals don't get the same privileges. You've never done the things with him that I have. I know him in ways you never will, and more intimately than you ever will. Rival, boyfriend. Not the same. I'm already here. If you've changed your mind, you're too late. He's mine - in every way.”

“What…what do you mean?” Akira asked with wide eyes, afraid of what the answer would be. Nausea had begun gnawing in the pit of his stomach again at those words.

Hikaru had said that Kota had `touched' him, but…?

Kota smirked knowingly, tilting his head a little. “What do you think? Are you really that innocent? I know all of him. He's beautiful, isn't he?”

Akira choked, seeing the earlier image of Hikaru and Kota all over again. They had…they'd actually…

Hikaru! Something deep within him collapsed, crushed by the knowledge that his Hikaru had been tainted and defiled by being touched by someone that wasn't him. Not just touched - completely possessed.

Those dark eyes hardened suddenly. “And I love all of him. He's mine, so step off. You're going to have to live with your regret.”

NO! No… Akira closed his eyes, covering his mouth with one hand. If only he could will it all away.

Gathering what was left of his dignity and control, he offered Kota his most venomous glare. “We'll just see about that.” His voice was not steady on delivery, but at least he wasn't crying…yet. He could feel the heat and pressure behind his eyes, just waiting for the first moment that he wasn't under observation.

He turned away stiffly, intent on making at least a couple of blocks before he lost the last shreds of his control.

_________________________________________________________________ _______

Hikaru slowly made his way back towards his house, even though he would rather have never returned. But he had been gone for at least an hour, and he needed to have a talk with Kota.

Especially since he had just listened to the messages that Akira had left for him. He smiled when he recalled Akira's voice saying, `I'm serious, Hikaru! I want to be closer to you. Please call me back!'

So that was why Akira had asked him if he'd listened to the messages. Slowly, things were coming together for him. He'd really been dense on this one. Waya had tried to tell him, but he just hadn't been able to believe that Akira might have changed his mind. Or as Waya would say, had time to adjust to the idea.

He still found it difficult to believe. But then he recalled the emotion in his rival's eyes, the passionate words, all the touches and recent attempts to be close to him. It filled his heart to think that he might have an opening to reach Akira through, after all.

Finally.

But there was Kota. Hikaru sighed, gritting his teeth. He was going to have to be painfully honest now that he knew that Akira really did have feelings for him. For nothing else mattered in light of that.

More than anything in this world, Akira, I want to be with you.

But that would mean…Kota…

Hikaru dragged his feet as he forced himself up the driveway and back into his own house. Thankfully, neither Akira nor his mother seemed to be around. Kota had to be upstairs.

He retraced Akira's earlier steps, wishing that his friend hadn't seen them, but at the same time glad that things had happened the way they had. He might never have had the opening if things had been different.

An opening in which he could claim territory and possibly even win the game. He had watched for it in just the way that he did in their games of Go. And it was just as difficult to spot and take advantage of.

Opening the door to his room, he found Kota lying on his bed in the dimming light. “Hey,” he greeted his boyfriend quietly.

“Are you going to talk to him, Hikaru?” Kota asked coolly. “Because I'm convinced that he doesn't know when to stop. He'll stalk you forever if you're not firm with him.”

I want him to stalk me forever.

“Kota…Kota.” Hikaru sighed, staring down at the carpet between his bare feet. “I can't stop being friends with Akira.”

Kota sat up, regarding him warily. “You know, I think there's more to this than you've ever confessed to me. I think that there are issues between yourself and Touya that you need to resolve. I thought he was going to have heart failure when I informed him of what boyfriend privileges entailed.”

“You…what?” he gasped, stunned. Hikaru was convinced that he was having heart failure. Just the thought of Kota throwing something like that in Akira's face…and what it must have done to his rival…

Fierce protectiveness surged in his heart, and he had to restrain himself from throttling Kota. You hurt him, you hurt him!

Kota eyed him again, frowning slightly. “Does that…bother you? That I told him that?”

“Yes!” he growled, fists clenched.

“And why is that?” his boyfriend asked quietly, dark eyes slightly pained.

Hikaru looked away, rubbing his cheek anxiously. “Because it must have bothered him!” He didn't want to say `hurt' to Kota. It would feel like betraying Akira's confidence.

“He has to face that, Hikaru. He made his choice, and it wasn't you.”

He winced before he could catch it, hurt stabbing into him. “Yeah, thanks,” he bit out. “I'm aware.”

“And that actually hurts you, doesn't it?” Those dark eyes were concerned, but still trying to analyze him nonetheless.

“Of course it does! He's my—“ Hikaru stopped right before the words slipped out. My world, my life.

Kota arched a brow. “'Rival'?” His boyfriend sighed, getting to his feet. “Listen, Hikaru. It's obvious that there's still too much that's unresolved in this strange relationship between you and Touya, so…until you settle things, I think we should…we should be apart.” The man looked pained, but resigned to the idea.

Hikaru stared, amazed. “Really?”

Kota nodded. “I'll be around for a little while. If you find that you miss me and you've decided to treat Touya as the friend he should be, then I'll be there for you to return to.”

Hikaru watched with wide eyes as Kota walked up to him, leaning in to kiss his cheek. Then, without another word, the dark-eyed man was moving down the stairs.

After the house was silent around him, he leaned back against his bedroom wall, allowing himself to slide down until he was sitting on the floor.

I feel guilty for hurting you, Kota, but I felt even guiltier when he saw us together. As if I were cheating on him, even though we're not together. I never felt I was cheating on you when Akira touched me - because I belong with him and to him, even if I didn't realize it until now.

Despite knowing that he had tried to make things work with Kota, it still didn't make him feel any less guilty.

But now that I'm free, I have to take the risk. Every pro knows that playing it safe won't win the match.

He would meet Akira head on. No more running.

_________________________________________________________________ _______

Akira watched as Hikaru set down his overnight bag and stretched. “So, Hikaru, what made you decide to suddenly take me up on spending the night at my apartment? You were trying to avoid me yesterday.”

“Well, I left you high and dry the night of the house-warming party, so staying over is the least I can do to make it up to you.” Hikaru grinned obnoxiously.

“Are you certain that you can stand to be near me?” he asked, tone acidic in order to cover the hurt that still lurked in his heart.

“I'm fine. We'll just keep the sake and camera out of your reach. Speaking of which, what did you do with those scary pictures? You'd better not be posting them on the internet!”

Akira blushed. “No, I would never do something like that. You're the one with those sorts of tendencies.”

“So why don't I take some pictures of you, then? At least you'll know how it feels!”

“I don't know that I want to give you that kind of power,” Akira said loftily. He sat down on the couch, gesturing for Hikaru to do the same.

“You still didn't say what it is you do with those pictures,” his rival prompted slyly, settling himself on the other end.

“I keep them,” he replied, slightly defensive.

“Do you like looking at me that much?” Hikaru's tone was teasing, but those green eyes were somewhat serious. The kind of serious that gave him the falling, fluttery feeling in his stomach.

“Do we have to talk about this?” He was becoming too flustered to disguise it, and if this was going to remain a normal sleepover between friends, they had to stop talking about these sorts of subjects.

“Let's talk about what's for dinner. I'm very hungry. Did you make anything?” Hikaru looked at him with bright, hopeful eyes.

“Why don't you make something for once, you bottomless pit!”

“But your food is better,” the other boy replied with a convincing smile.

“That stops working after a while, Hikaru! I'm not that stupid.”

An hour later:

Akira shot Hikaru an irritated glance as he stirred the miso soup. “You. Are. A. Pain.”

“But I'm helping, aren't I?” Hikaru smiled winningly.

“If you can call it that,” he muttered, eyes skimming over the mess his friend had made on the cutting board while preparing the tofu and scallions.

He wanted to ask Hikaru if he had listened to the phone messages, but at the same time he was afraid and didn't want to know. He didn't want to hear something that would dash his hopes, even if this situation was partially his own fault for blindly pushing the other pro away.

And he was painfully aware of everything Hikaru said and did. His focus was so attuned to the bleach-banged boy that he worried for the future of the miso soup.

Should he attempt to get close to him again, or shouldn't he? It hadn't been going well, and his confidence was severely shaken after speaking to Kota.

Akira shuddered at the words that spilled into his mind again, not wanting to hear them or think about them any longer. He had cried for hours that night, making himself sick. After being sick, he had returned to bed only to cry some more. He was pathetic.

He didn't know how to handle the idea that someone else had been Hikaru's first. All he knew was that it hurt him like nothing else ever had - a pain that felt comprised of lacerations and acid. Certainly losing the other boy would hurt much more, but regardless. It was disturbing him. And he had tutoring games to play tomorrow.

I have to pull myself together. I have to. This is my life that I'm allowing to fall apart. All because of a little thing like being in love with my rival…allowing him to become my life. How did that happen?

“How much stirring does it need?” Hikaru exclaimed in awe from beside him.

He gave a start, almost dropping the spoon into the soup in the process. “A lot,” he replied tersely. As if he would ever admit his mental wandering.

To think…all this over you. Of all people for me to fixate on, you should have been the least likely. I'm certain that no one else could ever comprehend it. I don't know that I do, either.

“You seem happier than you have in a long time,” he commented, moving the soup off of the burner.

“Really?” Hikaru chirped.

Akira glanced up at the tone and received a radiant smile in turn. “Definitely.” He forced himself to ask, “Something special happen…?”

The bleach-banged boy glanced away. “Nothing in particular.”

_________________________________________________________________ _______

Akira tossed restlessly in bed, trying not to think about Hikaru sleeping out on the couch - and failing.

He had even taken out the small photo album he kept the pictures of his rival in and flipped through it before bed. The nightly ritual should have calmed him, but the more he tried to ignore Hikaru's presence, the more strongly it pressed upon him.

They'd had their miso soup and played a game of Go, but neither of them had been up to it. They'd ended up arguing over the post-game discussion, and they hardly ever did that anymore. It was a throwback to their pre-Honinbou League days.

It had been vaguely comforting, but also somewhat aggravating. He wanted to go forward, not backwards.

They hadn't been able to agree on anything after that except for going to bed and trying again tomorrow. So after tea and some quiet conversation about the not-too-distant future, they had begun to prepare for bed - and Hikaru had requested a shower.

Akira hadn't seen any reason to deny him, so he had agreed. Fifteen minutes later, he had realized that he hadn't even provided his friend with a towel. He had been confident that it was safe to walk into his bedroom, planning on knocking and just slipping said item to Hikaru.

Unfortunately for his sanity, the door had been wide open - and Hikaru was definitely out of the shower. He'd been confronted with an unobstructed view of the other boy's back, athletic legs - and backside.

It had seemed like hours before he could string two coherent words together, especially with the blood roaring in his ears. He'd had thoughts of just sneaking up and slipping his arms around Hikaru, trying to seduce him. The other would never be able to see him in the misted over mirror until it was too late.

But he had come back to himself and managed to stammer out his offer of a towel. To his surprise, his rival had been completely unfazed by being nude and observed by Akira, and had even requested that he bring the towel over!

Akira had done so, but after receiving a warm smile in thanks, he had beat a hasty retreat to the living room, struggling to regain control of his raging desires and thoughts.

He sighed and glanced at the clock on his bedside table. He had been like this for an hour. The shower incident was looping endlessly in his brain, playing out in different, torturous ways that he would have liked much better - if it had been reality.

Surely Hikaru was sound asleep by now.

He slipped out of bed, making his way quietly to his door. Slowly, he twisted the knob and opened it just wide enough to creep out into the living room. He paused a few feet away from the couch, straining through the dark to watch Hikaru for signs of wakefulness.

When he was certain that the other boy truly was unconscious, he moved to kneel beside the couch, just staring at the peaceful face of the person that was dearest to him.

Just for a few minutes, he promised himself.

Akira felt hypnotized by the rhythm of Hikaru's breathing. With agonizing slowness, he lightly laid his head on the other's chest, listening until he heard his friend's strong, steady heartbeat. He closed his eyes, soothed and lulled by the sound.

After countless moments, he lifted his head again, leaning forward to repeat the motions that he had made the last night he'd spent with Hikaru. Inhaling the scent of his hair. Breathing into his ear. Sharing the other boy's breath. An almost-kiss.

He closed his eyes, feelings swelling within him until he couldn't bear it. It was both painful and precious, heartbreaking and beautiful. It was perfect, and he wanted it to always be this way.

But as Kota had so crudely reminded him, he did not possess Hikaru or know him intimately, nor would he ever.

He moved to withdraw, only to have his wrist seized. An arm snaked around his waist, trapping him against the couch.

“What are you doing, Akira?” Hikaru asked, voice firm, green eyes glittering up at him in the near-darkness.

His heart felt like it was seizing with the panic that slammed into it. “I-I…”

“Yes?” Hikaru prompted, fingers tightening around his wrist.

“I was just…looking at you,” he replied breathily, profoundly embarrassed. And afraid, very afraid.

“That didn't feel like `just looking'. I was awake this whole time, Akira, so don't lie to me.” Hikaru paused briefly. “And you've done it before, haven't you? That night you stayed over at my house. And here I thought it had been a dream all this time.”

He made a strangled noise as he tried to answer and had to clear his throat before he could reply. “I'm…sorry.”

“Are you really?” Hikaru asked quietly, staring up into his eyes intently. “I listened to the messages.”

He stared down at his friend, incapable of speech.

Fingers stroked lightly over his captured wrist. “If you're really serious, then kiss me,” Hikaru said quietly, voice low and insistent.

Something in the other boy's tone warned him that it was not a request. This was an ultimatum, a test. There was even a hint of his rival's game face behind it, and it carried through in both the tone and the steely glint of those familiar green eyes.

Akira shivered, but bent to do as Hikaru asked.