InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ By The River of Shadowed Moments ❯ Stem From Reason ( Chapter 5 )

Thanks goes to my new beta, Dragoninu.

“I don't know why
I can't settle down
something from my childhood
I still haven't found
and I don't wanna hurt you
with all my longings and my doubts
Just the way I need to feel free
I can see how it brings you down”

“Help me be good to you,” by Heather Nova

By the River of Shadowed Moments

Chapter Five: Stem from Reason

Brushing back a dark stream of hair from her face, Sesshoumaru studied her just before waking her at the rise of dawn.

In the last couple of weeks, she had been like this with him, stealing away moments just to see him and mold her body against his. They continued to indulge in moonlight meetings while running and ducking from those whom would judge them.

He surprised himself, but each meeting with her caused him to continue the running and hiding, and he had never been one to hide.

Though, he hated to admit it, the human he became so attached to was initially right. As long as they pursued Naraku and filled the roles they were destined to fill, they could not come out into the open with the way things truly were. They had to treat everything like a believable fairytale, and their constant carnal embraces would be considered more than unnatural to the subplot.

Although he gritted his teeth to the reality of it, and in his inherent nature, he'd rather be free and take what belonged to him and throw all his troubles to the inviting wind.

He didn't know what he really wanted to do with Kagome, and he had no concrete plans for her. To his perspective, calling her his mate, wife, or mother to Rin just sounded plain silly. Their ties to each other were not like that at all. In fact, he was almost worried about where this would go because their endless string of days were shaping into a harbinger of a forlorn finality, thus stirring his need to keep her even more.

He was Sesshoumaru, one of the most feared lords in the land and the son of the most powerful dog demon ever known in these parts. He was never “worried” to say the least, especially to lose something like this human.

Though he had lost many people in his life and had survived, he pushed the feelings he had for such things behind thick smoke in the back of his mind. First he lost his mother, then his father, and now, if he ever lost Kagome to time or to his brother, he couldn't predict his own reactions.

His troubling feelings for her made their arrangement all the more important to him, and although revenge on Naraku was fresh in his mind, possessing Kagome to fill all the gaps and holes in his complicated heart was a near second to the things he considered worthy in his life.

He watched her as she shifted her hands in his furry pelt. Without thinking, he reached with his hand and lightly set it over hers, soaking in the heat by touching skin on skin.

They had been touching for almost a year now, out of a base agreement and now, finally, motivations of undefined need for each other. It was all very strange for him, but all he knew was that her hands were important to him.

The memory of her cupping his cheeks and gazing into his eyes with unconditional adorations stuck a chord with him. Replaying the image again, he was only slightly surprised when a soft word fell over his lips.

“Mother…”

Innately, his mother had been gentle, for a demon anyway. She was the most demure of her demon sisters, and his father had chosen her over them because of it. Her demeanor had intrigued him, and he felt that most female demons were boring and cliché in their cattiness.

Yet, sweet, smiling, Sorioko was hardly ordinary in demon terms. Her gentility was matched only by her grace. She was the envy of her sisters and cousins with her beauty and talents. Her power was not strong, but she could be dangerous if she was pushed too far. And when her kin had long raven hair, she was the odd one with her natural honey golden hair, flowing out beyond and trickling on the floor.

Sesshoumaru's father was initially smitten, but when a marriage was proposed to bind their two kingdoms, he realized Sorioko's true nature after he married her.

“She's mad,” he would tell people with exasperation and annoyance in his voice. She would sit in the gardens throughout the days, picking flowers and holding her own lonely conversations that made little sense.

She was hardly responsive in bed as well. She would lay like a doll with her eyes barely alive. She would only move to merely breathe.

“Sorioko, what happened to you? Why are you like this?” he had demanded of her after the second time of their lovemaking. He even shook her to see if his harsh touch would generate a response. She would always moan weakly in violation and then continue to hum to herself, looking away from his face and letting tears clog up at the sides of her eyes.

Her lack of answers unnerved him. Only when she bore Sesshoumaru did he finally have some hope of her well being, yet even after his birth, he saw her begin to physically deteriorate.

He was abashed that such a strong dog demon would have these fits of madness. On some days she would appear normal, engaging in light conversation with the household servants. He would also see her practicing in the dojo to keep up her stamina and endurance.

Yet she would never consider HIM, and she treated his existence as something but a nuisance to her every day of living. Even after thirteen young days of marriage she woke up in a fright with him next to her. “Who are you?”

He had heard that expression more than enough.

Only when she had Sesshoumaru did she finally realize more of her surroundings. In fact, Sesshoumaru was the only beacon in her austere life.

“Isn't living at court so boring, Sesshoumaru?” she asked him when he was barely able to stand. He watched her with wide golden eyes. Looking at him she smoothed his silver hair and then cupped his jaw with her soft hand. She smiled warmly. “Don't you want to be free and wander the country side when you're older? You don't want to fade away like your mother by being stuck in this stuffy palace forever, do you?”

Words like that said aloud only fueled her depression, and she spiraled further into her own mania. She then wouldn't allow anyone near her other than Sesshoumaru. And as Sesshoumaru grew, he finally realized the reason his mother had been so mad.

“I don't love him, you know. That man in my bed every morning and your father,” she looked out the window to the gloomy gray sky. She turned to him, and her eyes were darker than they had ever been. The young Sesshoumaru was almost frightened. He could feel her power increase as she burned with simmering fury. “They always tell you who you're supposed to love, but it's not fair. I already had someone that I loved.”

“Mother, demons don't love,” Sesshoumaru corrected her, his voice sounding oddly like his father's.

His mother smiled widely, so wide her cheeks must have hurt from such muscle expanding benevolence.

“That's right, dear. And remember that too. You're a demon, so you shouldn't fall in love,” she wagged her index digit at him sternly. “Most especially, never fall in love with a human.”

And suddenly, as footsteps clamored outside her bedroom door, she took her precious boy into a hard embrace.

“Sorioko,” she heard the stern voice of the man who she did not love. Sesshoumaru's eyes widened as he recognized his father's voice. “Sorioko let us in or I'll bust down this screen. We need to talk, and I really don't want to intrude in here without your permission.”

Her husband's voice was always so polite, but this time his tone rang with rage.

“Please, do come in. You've never stopped to intrude in my life before, darling,” she said, acknowledging him for a rare time.

Without coming into her room yet, her husband stood at the closed shoji door and sighed at his wife's response. “We found your collection, Sorioko,” Sesshoumaru's father said. Sesshoumaru looked at his mother quizzically. Sorioko shut her eyes as she hid invisible tears.

Her voice was low and dangerous, and she gripped onto Sesshoumaru as she began to shake. “How DARE you invade my personal things!” She began to weep uncontrollably, holding onto Sesshoumaru as if he was only thing left she possessed. He struggled to be free from her mania, but she wouldn't let it be so. She held on to him, bruising him in her efforts.

“Mama, please,” young Sesshoumaru pleaded, becoming slightly angry along with his confusion.

His father had heard his boy's distress, and he burst into her room with soldiers in tow. His eyes were ablaze when he saw his wife clutching his son and wailing piteously out of her madness. Sesshoumaru struggled to get free from her grasp and run to his father.

“GO AWAY!” was about the only coherent thing she had bellowed at him as she continued to cry loudly.

“Sorioko, stop this at once!” Sesshoumaru's father yelled, feeling his wife's chaotic energy stir around the atmosphere of the room like a weighted heat. He looked over at his soldiers and nodded. One of the lead soldiers bowed to him and stepped forward toward Sorioko. Sesshoumaru finally managed to get free from his mother, and he stood in front of her protectively as the soldier advanced.

“Sesshoumaru, step aside, your mother is mad!” he yelled at the boy, but his son gave him a dark look telling him that he would not allow anyone near his mother. His claws pulsed with green poison, itching to have a taste for blood.

“No one touches Mama,” he said gnashing his teeth. His power became strong too, augmenting in his increasing anger. The palace would surely not hold if three dog demons decided to transform.

“Now, boy, you're mother is ill. She has kidnapped human males and hid them in the dojo for her amusement and display. The stench alone is driving everyone in the castle crazy.”

“HA!” Sorioko yelled, “Who cares about those stupid human corpses!” Sorioko spat. “How dare you come here intending to kill me over stupid humans!”

Sesshoumaru's father put an arm in front of the soldier to ward him off for the time being. He was interested in Sorioko's explanation now as she began to finally engage in conversation with him.

“Ah yes, it's true, I would care less about them, but you see, my dear, all of those humans have similar features. If they did not, you would carve out their faces, am I not correct?” He saw her lip tremble and her brows furrow in fury. Finally he said, “You want those humans to replace HIM, don't you? You tried to see HIM in one of them. And when you could not, you kept them for your idle display.”

“Insufferable,” she whispered under ragged breath. “All of these meddlers telling me what to do, it's quite irksome.”

“Yes, it is, isn't it, dear?” Sesshoumaru heard his father say, pacing about the room flexing his claws. “Normally, I wouldn't care if you kept an art gallery of rotting humans to replace your former human lover, and although it disturbs me as your husband, it does not matter to me as your Lord.” He heard her scoff after he said the word “lord.” He continued, halting his pacing and looking at her with a stern expression. “However, that is not the only reason why you must die, Sorioko.” He heard her murmur piteously and look out the window, trying to prevent her own tears. She readily knew his next accusation. “I know you are not well, Sorioko. I know you have these little fetishes you must indulge in. And I know you hate me, my dear. But when you conspire with my enemies for my death, your behavior has gone too far.”

Sesshoumaru looked back and forth to his mother with stunned eyes. “Mama, is it true?”

Sorioko made a motion with her mouth to speak, but the words refused to come, and she hung her head low to stare at her lap.

“It is quite true, my boy. Your mother sent a letter in secret to the dragon lord in the North, asking for sanctuary and promising her loyalty to him and adamantly seeking my demise!” he yelled, staring at Sorioko intensely and watching for any guilt to appear on her face. The way the muscles in her lips contorted and the way her body shook uncontrollably was evidence enough for him of her treason.

Sesshoumaru's astonishment was engulfed by the silence of the room. His mother would not speak, only whimper and cry out nonsensical words. She began to whisper conversations to herself, answering herself, and nodding in agreement with herself.

Her husband had watched as well. He shook his head and sighed. Sesshoumaru's hands balled into fists at his sides. He was still a young demon, but he knew what his mother had done was wrong. He knew that she was insane. However, he had not grown old enough yet to let her go on such a crime. He was a boy who was very close to his mother, and he did not want her to leave him. He needed her.

With a gust of wind, Sesshoumaru looked up to see that his father had rushed over to his mother and picked her up, grabbing her by the throat. His father's stern, unblinking stare pierced his mother's smoky azure eyes as she struggled to breath.

“It's over with, Sorioko, I will now relieve you of your miserable existence,” he heard her murmur a pleading sound. He would not hear anything more from the tongue of a traitor to his house, tightening his grip around her neck and subduing her control to turn into a demon form. She did not resist, and she heard her own bones crushing under his grasp.

“No, Father!” his son yelled out, with poison claws ripping at his thighs. But he would not hear him. He pushed the boy aside and continued his attentions on his wife. He softened his gaze momentarily on her, not wanting the last of his expressions she sees to be of malice.

“Sorioko, I'm sorry, but I will now take away your pain. You will be free,” he said. She smiled at him.

“Wait…” she murmured, and his grip loosened somewhat. He looked at her with inquiry. Surely, she wasn't trying to fight back and reason with him. “Please, not like this. It is so…so dishonorable.” She tapped the hilt of his sword with her fingers. He set her down to the ground with his hand still around her neck. She then drew the sword from his hilt, and he jumped back, releasing his grip. He watched her with curiosity, wondering if she would strike him. But something in her eyes had proved his reaction to be wrong.

She already knew there was no more hope for her. She looked at her son. He ran to her, embracing her as her shaky hand gripped the sword.

Then, while young Sesshoumaru was by her side, Sorioko plunged the sword into her own gut, ripping upward to her heart. She cried out in pain as blood and saliva spurted through her delicate lips. Sesshoumaru screamed as his wounded mother fell back into her chair, her entrails and blood spilling forth onto her delicate white satin clothes.

“Mama!” the young demon yelled. He tried to pull the sword from her gut, but her grip was surprisingly strong.

“No, don't, my darling boy,” she whispered, the blood rising from her wound curdling in her throat. She took his cheeks within her hands affectionately. She looked at him with such adoration, such unconditional love, that he felt like running the blade through himself just to join her. “Remember what I said. Never forget.”

He cried as young boys should when seeing their mother's death. Only this was the last time he would ever cry again.

`The last time,' he thought defiantly, as he felt his father's comforting hand over his shoulder as he watched his mother expel her last harsh breaths.

“My son, I do apologize for this,” he said soothingly. “You must be strong, and soon, I will find you a new mother. Women are aplenty in this world; don't you forget that.”

Shivering, Sesshoumaru let his father's words slide off him like hot sweat. He slapped his father's hand away and scoffed. “Don't be so sentimental, Father,” he said harshly, and he proceeded to leave the room of his mother's last moments. His stoic walk out of the room soon turned into a swift jog and then a furious run as he escaped into the palace courtyard screaming his anger to the wind.

And as he ran, he wanted to feel free just as his mother always wanted. He wanted to feel free as she was now.

And when he stopped miles from the palace, he clutched his cheeks as her touch burned its memory there. With the feeling of her touch and the echoing mantra of her lessons, he would always remember his mother and abide by what she had told him.

“Never fall in love, my darling boy, especially not with a human.” Her words were carried by the chilled wind and fluttered softly through his ears.

His memories evaporated from the foreground of his mind when he felt a body shifting next to him on the soft forest floor. He looked down at her, watching as her eyes opened as she awoke.

“Kagome,” he whispered. She rewarded him with a small, sleepy smile and gave out a noisy yawn. He nudged her, yet with the usual silkiness apparent in his voice he said, “It's time for you to go.”

And then her inevitable pout came, then a long sigh, and then she nodded in agreement. “I suppose you are right,” she said, getting up and then embracing him around his waist. “I can stay a few more minutes, though. They won't expect me back unto late morning.”

As much as he wanted to fall into that delicious trap, he thought it was unwise. “You know we can't,” he said sternly, his voice like daggers over her ears.

“Alright, alright,” she said in a huff, releasing her hold on him and then getting up to dress. But he didn't want her to get dressed just yet; his morning excitement needed to be expelled.

Then he would let her leave.

She squeaked as he pulled her down into his lap. He buried his face into the crook of her neck as she fell against him. He growled, “Not yet, but we make this quick.” He felt her nod against him. He could already smell her fear mixed with her arousal.

`Excellent,' he inwardly purred. His unpredictability always stirred enticing emotions from Kagome, mainly his favorite, fear.

Meekly, she began running her hands over his smooth chest, warming it from the night's cool air. He bent his head down, grabbing her mouth fiercely with a violent heady kiss. She moaned pleadingly in his mouth. With a swift, flexible movement of limbs, he managed to shift her body over him, quickly impaling her onto his morning hardness. She screamed at the violation, but then her body relaxed to the motion of his pumping hips.

He pulled at her hair and continued to attack her mouth viciously, bruising her inner walls and chasing her fearful tongue. She felt pleasingly constricted, feeling her breath struggle through her nose as her moans were blockaded from entry through her lips. His rapid, burning strokes into her feminine heat caused her to quickly moisten, and then she was coming before she could prepare for it.

She jerked her head free of his kiss and screamed, her body still pulsing with his. He grunted not too long after her howls as he spilled his warmth within her. She felt his hot breath blanket over her shoulder as he rested his head against her. She swallowed, licking her lips trying to produce the moisture she lost in her mouth. She sighed contently, and her body relaxed, full now of its normal addiction.

And Sesshoumaru was her addiction, as she was his. However, their satisfaction would hardly last a day or so before they craved each other again.

“I suppose I should go clean up and then meet up with the others,” she said in erratic breaths, trying to regain her composure. When he separated from her, she mimicked his movements and got dressed. He nodded in affirmation to her.

“Remember to use the substance I gave you,” he said sternly, as if he was a father chiding a child.

“I know,” she said mechanically, remembering all too well the vial of enchanted oil he gave her to rid her of all his demon scent. This way, neither Inuyasha nor any other demon they knew could smell him on her and their subterfuge could go on as long as they wanted. That is, if they never got caught in the act.

When they were fully dressed, she was about ready to quickly hop over to the nearest lake to wash off. Sometimes they rarely said parting words to each other. Their meetings were so frequent and explosive that they hardly could depend on words to signify the moment. Yet this time, the memories of his mother stirred a small feeling of loneliness within him, and he held her back by her arm for one minute more.

She paused, turning around slowly to look at him and inquire his behavior.

“Sesshoumaru?” On his emotionless mask she saw a flicker of something aching within his golden eyes. She turned fully to him and brought her hands up to his face. She looked deeply into his eyes, searching for that stir of feeling again.

He relished the warmth she created on his cheeks as she cupped them. He brought his hands over hers and squeezed. She saw him close his eyes. She smiled at his reaction, so meaningful to her even with unspoken words.

“I'll be going. Until next time,” she said, releasing him. He turned away from her, leaving without watching her go.

His face was losing restraint to the emotions that wanted to burst to the surface, the emotions he had hidden away so long ago after his mother's suicide.

But he had to abide her, and he always would. There was no way he would fall in love with a human. He would not be like his parents.

He would not.

TBC…