InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Dancing with Scissors ❯ Hong Kong Cinema, A Baby Story, and Sango to the Rescue ( Chapter 32 )

Sango was happy—she felt physically better than she had in weeks and was finally out among friends. The fact that she was drinking tea instead of the fragrant mulled wine Kagome had made didn't even bother her; she was thrilled she could smell the rich spices and citrus without experiencing the urge to vomit. “Hey, hon,” She said as she walked into the kitchen to see if Kagome needed any help. The We Love Tony Leung Society was meeting for the first time since before the deaths of Kikyou and Inuyasha, and Kagome was making popcorn for the large group sitting in her living room. “Can I do anything?”

 

Kagome measured popcorn kernels into a microwave popper. There were several large bowls lined up on the island countertop, looking like a row of ceramic baby birds with mouths open, waiting to be fed. “Thanks, babe. Could you make sure the butter on the stove doesn't scorch?” She donned oven mits, put the lid on the popper, and stuck it in the microwave. “This thing is getting hot. Making popcorn for fifteen people is no small task. I've got four batches done, three more to go.”

 

“Thanks for doing this,” Sango said. “You have no idea how much I needed some socializing.”

 

Kagome gave Sango a long hug, happy to have a moment of privacy with her. “Well, we had been talking long enough about reviving the film club. This seemed like the perfect opportunity. I'm glad you're here though. Can we talk a minute?”

 

“What's up?” she asked as she refilled her tea cup.

 

Kagome ladled some wine from the kettle on the stove into a glass. “I got a letter yesterday. From Mason Harrison's mother.”

 

Sango couldn't hide her gasp of surprise. This was not at all what she was expecting, though Kagome didn't seem overly distraught. “What did it say?”

 

“He turned his life around while in prison, addressed his anger and objectification issues, and understands how badly he messed me up. She said he respects my privacy and doesn't want to upset me, hence it was she and not he who was writing the letter. He's in the process of moving out of state to start over, and she promised he would never try to see or speak to me. She even gave me the contact information of his parole officer in this state and the new out-of-state one.”

 

“Did you follow up? Make sure they weren't fake?”

 

“Hell yeah,” she laughed dryly. “It's for real. I talked to both of them. He's gone.”

 

“Kagome, that's great news!” Sango said, hugging her tightly. “You must be so relieved.”

 

“I am,” Kagome said. “There's something else she wrote that's bugging the shit out of me though.” At the sound of the microwave beep, she took the popper out and poured the contents into a bowl, then repeated the process. “She said that shortly after he was released from prison, some guy started coming around, asking a bunch of personal questions about me. Questions about the assault and my sexual habits. And any other boyfriends I had that he could contact.”

 

“What? Who?”

 

She shrugged. “Do you remember four or five years ago, that one article that came out about Arrow that portrayed me and Kikyou like she was the saint and I was the sinner? Well Drew told me last week that the guy who wrote it is now planning an unauthorized biography of Kikyou. Drew told him to fuck off, but I assume he's the one and this is part of his research…though I seriously can't fathom why digging up dirt on me is so important, even if he's still going with the Kagome Is An Evil Whore angle. Anyway…Mason's mother said he didn't tell the guy much. Not that he could. It's not like we were involved beyond him trying to kill me.” She gripped her glass tightly and sipped the warmed wine. “I'm trying to put this away. He's gone from my life, and I'm glad as hell, but the idea that there's someone out there talking about me to the guy who…” She shook her head and rubbed a temple. “I just want some fucking closure. I'm alright. I really am. I just can't stand the thought of being pulled back down when everything is going so great for me right now.”

 

Sango felt her blood heat up in anger. Why was Kagome, who never hurt anyone, the one subjected to such difficulties? “All I can say is focus on the good news. You're safe. You don't have to worry about him ever again. As far as this journalist goes…there's nothing negative that he could possibly write that anyone who knows you would believe.”

 

“I know. It's just…the Taishos have a reputation to keep up. I would hate for some trashy, sensationalist book to reflect badly on them. And the thought of this guy finding out about my relationship with Sesshoumaru gives me the dry heaves. Not to mention how it could affect Rin.”

 

“Don't worry about the Taishos,” Sango said. “They own half the city. One stupid book would mean less than nothing to them.”

 

Kagome responded to the beeping microwave. “Maybe.” She straightened and smiled with a confidence she didn't quite feel. “I'm okay. Ready to watch a movie and forget about everything.”

 

“Is Sesshoumaru coming tonight?”

 

Kagome grinned. “You're so subtle. Yes. He should be here any minute. He had a fundraising dinner for the mayor's reelection campaign tonight, but he said he'd leave early. I didn't realize how politically connected the Taishos were. I mean I knew they were rich and powerful, but they have a lot of influence. Ken remarked the other day that Sesshoumaru would probably end up seeking public office in a few years. He's at the pinnacle of his career and he's ambitious. It's the logical next step.” She got the last batch into the microwave.

 

“Kagome, your tree is beautiful!” They turned to see Jak join them.

 

“Passed inspection?”

 

“With flying colors. Rin's little hand-made ornaments are adorable. Can I have a beer? That wine, though delicious, went straight to my head. It's Boyfriend's turn to get drunk tonight, so I need a beer and then I'll probably mooch tea from Sango so I can drive later.” He sidled up to Sango and kissed her cheek.

 

“Just because I love you, I'll share my tea. Next time you guys can ride with us. As long as I've got to be the designated driver for the next nine months, someone may as well benefit.”

 

“Thanks, Mommy. I can't wait for you to have a big belly.” He sighed dreamily. “Miroku is already so cute the way he looks at you.”

 

Sango bit back her retort. Though the prospect of future roundness was exciting, she dreaded the inevitable patronizing comments and people wanting to touch her abdomen. Jak would probably be one of the worst offenders.

 

He grabbed a beer from the fridge and descended on the popcorn, only to have his hands slapped away by Kagome. “Owwww.” He stopped and peered closely at the area between her neck and shoulder. “Oh, holy shit. Is that a hickey?”

 

Kagome pulled her shirt up to her chin. She had seen the discoloration peeking out from her collar that morning, but it was small and not that dark, and, she had hoped, not noticeable.

 

Jak's face broke into a devious smile. “Are you finally getting laid? Oh my gawd, is it Sesshoumaru?”

 

Kagome scowled at him and his glee. “Yes. He'll be here soon and if you say so much as one fucking word…”

 

“Don't be so paranoid, silly. It's not like I'm in middle school.” Jak and Sango giggled and high-fived each other.

 

“Yeah, I can tell,” Kagome said, rolling her eyes.

 

“I just need to tell Bank. I'll be discrete, I promise,” he said quickly, before she could protest.

 

Kagome shook her head. “So much for my privacy. Just please don't embarrass us.”

 

Jak recognized that she was serious and toned the taunting down. “Honey, I would never.” He put his around her shoulders. “Is he nice to you? Are you happy?”

 

Kagome let him play the role of concerned brother. It felt good to have someone take Inuyasha's position of vigilant protector. “I am happy.” She kissed his cheek. “Now I'm going to go grab a scarf. Stay away from the popcorn!” she called as she went to her room.

 

XxXxX

 

“Alright,” Kagome announced once Bank sat down. She ignored his obvious, comically sexual wink. “Everyone is present and has a beverage. As the Benevolent Dictator of the We Love Tony Leung Society, I would like to thank you all for coming tonight and welcome our guest, Sesshoumaru Taisho.”

 

Sesshoumaru acknowledged Kagome's greeting with a polite nod.

 

“First, the formalities for those of you who are new. We meet bi-monthly at the homes of various members to celebrate the work of actor Tony Leung Chiu-Wai, who is, in the words of Robert de Niro, Asia's answer to Clark Gable. We have four rotating themes—Tony Wears Pretty Clothes, Tony Gets Laid, Tony Kicks the Bucket, and a random category for movies that don't tidily fit into the other three categories…Hard Boiled for example, which happens to be the movie we're screening tonight. Any volunteers for February's meeting?”

 

Kanna raised her hand. “I know my apartment is kind of small, but I think we could all fit.”

 

“Kanna's it is. The theme is Tony Wears Pretty Clothes. We need three or four movies titles.”

 

“Hero,” Bank suggested.

 

“We just watched Hero this spring for the Tony Kicks the Bucket theme.”

 

“Alright…The Magic Crane.”

 

Kagome frowned. “The special effects in that make me want to rip my eyeballs out, but okay. That covers the obligatory wire-fu entry. What else?”

 

“Happy Together,” Jak said enthusiastically.

 

“The clothes aren't pretty enough. Save it for Tony Gets Laid.”

 

“Fine,” Jak groused. “You're so bossy, Kagome. Do the clothes in In the Mood for Love meet your approval?”

 

“Perfectly. What else? We need at least one more.”

 

“We haven't watched Tokyo Raiders in a while,” Sango said.

 

“Ooo…he does look damn fine in that. Okay that's three. We've got martial arts, serious drama, and campy action. Kanna, you choose.”

 

“I've never seen In the Mood for Love.”

 

“Really? Well that settles it. Mandatory viewing.” She paused to see if there were any objections and, hearing none, continued. “Let me know the date, and I'll email everyone. Okay. Are we ready? And anyone who feeds the dog popcorn will get his or her ass thoroughly kicked.” Kagome grabbed the remote, turned off the lights, and took her place on the sofa next to Sesshoumaru. He immediately pulled her close. She felt self-conscious at first; it had been a long time since her friends had seen her romantically connected to a man. Everyone was looking at the television screen and ignoring them, so, not fearful of imminent discovery, she relaxed against him. After a few minutes of his idly stroking her leg, she was grateful for the darkness. She blushed just imagining the teasing Jak would dish out if he caught them flirting and touching during the movie. By the end of the carnage at the tea house scene, the hem of her skirt was eased up and his hand naughtily teased her knee and inner thigh.

 

Kagome was all inner turmoil. The feathery touches were divine, and she didn't want him to stop, but she was unsure of the changing nature of their relationship. She felt that over the past couple of weeks, spent stealing precious minutes alone together in the midst of their busy lives and caring for Rin, they had progressed to something more than simply friends with benefits, that perhaps he was in it for more than casual sex. And strangely that progression made her feel vulnerable. The more that was one the line, the more she instinctively wanted to deny and withdraw and hide. Why are emotions such messy things, she fretted. She shooed his hand away. “Watch the movie,” she whispered.

 

XxXxX

 

After the film ended and the majority of the guests had gone home, the usual suspects lingered, talking and drinking.

 

“I hope the body count wasn't too high for you, Sango,” Kagome said as she stood and stretched. “I wasn't thinking when I picked Hard Boiled. Sorry.”

 

“I'm fine,” she replied. “The stylized gun violence isn't the problem as much as blood and gore. Though I think I'm ready to do something fluffy…or at least something that doesn't feature death so prominently.”

 

Kagome thought for a moment. “There's a photographic exhibition of Second Wave American Feminists at the League of Women Voters that I've been hoping I'll find the time to see. We could go, then get dinner. There's a new vegetarian place nearby that's gotten great reviews.”

 

“Sounds fun,” Sango said.

 

“Sounds like poker night,” Miroku blurted out. “No offense.” He looked at Kouga. “You up for it?”

 

“Hell yeah. Bank? Jak?”

 

Bank nodded, but Jak said, “Unless it's strip poker, I'm not interested. I'll hang on to my money, thank you very much. Do it on a Saturday night when I'm already working at the Door.”

 

“Suit yourself. Sesshoumaru,” Miroku asked, “would you like to join us? I don't know if you have your brother's good fortune at the poker table; he pretty much took all our money on a regular basis.”

 

Sesshoumaru was somewhat surprised at being included. “Thanks, I'd like that. Though I have nothing close to Inuyasha's luck at cards.”

 

“Good,” Kouga said. “I like that it's not a foregone conclusion I lose my cash to a Taisho. I'll bring the cigars. I've still got some Fuente Hemingways left from my brother's bachelor party.”

 

“Nope,” Sango said shaking her head resolutely. “The last time you guys smoked cigars in my house, I thought I was going to puke for four days. And I wasn't even pregnant then. You can bring chicken wings or bacon or something.”

 

“Strippers?” Kouga said, half joking, earning himself an evil glare from Ayame. “Kidding.” He kissed her affectionately. “You're all I need babe. That reminds me…we finally have a date for the wedding.”

 

“June ninth. Mark your calendars,” Ayame smiled. “It wasn't easy working around so many different schedules, but we found a date that works for everyone.”

 

“A June bride!” Jak exclaimed. Weddings, despite high divorce rates and other hypocrisies, had always brought out the romantic in him; the fact that it was a primary source of business only increased the appeal. “You're having at least the reception at the Inn.”

 

“Of course,” Ayayme said. “We wouldn't dream of doing it anywhere else. And a garden wedding sounds beautiful.”

 

“I'll book it tomorrow. June is already starting to fill up,” Bank said, stifling a yawn. “We should get going. I'm half-sloshed, we have guests this weekend, and it's already past eleven.”

 

The others agreed, and they said their goodbyes, loaded with innuendo and more obvious winks, leaving Sesshoumaru and Kagome alone.

 

As the door closed, Sesshoumaru gathered her into his arms. “I've been waiting to do this for two hours,” he said before kissing her. The fundraiser he had attended was beyond boring, full of irritating, self-important sycophants currying favor. Knowing that a pleasant evening with Kagome and her friends was the reward at the end of the tedium made it bearable.

 

“Better?” she asked cheekily when they finally parted.

 

“Much. Your friends are a close-knit group.” He was somewhat envious. There were a few men from prep school and university with whom he continued to exchange an occasional email, but the contact was far from personal or regular and they lived hundreds of miles away. Though most of his peers admired him, close friends had always been difficult to make.

 

“We are. It takes a lot to stick together after college, when people tend to grow apart. We consciously decided not to fall into that pattern. I think though…they are your friends too,” she said gently. “Invitations to poker night don't go out to just anyone. For them it's a male bonding rite as important as it is juvenile.”

 

Kagome sighed. She had kept their relationship quiet, secret…guarding it from the glaring light of outside eyes so she could process it slowly, on her own terms. Now the truth was out. Her friends knew, and he was accepted and liked by them. No longer only a part of her private, at home life, he was now interwoven with her equally important social existence. Her worlds were meshing. She knew this was a good thing and she should be pleased. But instead of feeling lucky and shined upon, there was a spotlight blinding, highlighting her inadequacies. I'm not ready for this.

 

“Kagome, are you alright?” She suddenly seemed like a smaller version of herself.

 

“Just my usual fucked up bullshit. I've been working too much lately and am sleep deprived. Ignore me.”

 

“I'm not going to ignore you. Do you want to talk?” Sesshoumaur didn't push. Her need to take intimacy at a careful pace deserved respect.

 

“No.” She slid her arms around his waist and pressed her body against his, burying her face in his shoulder. “I want to forget.” I want to be a normal girl who never was stalked and beaten, who never tried to kill herself, who didn't actively sabotage her romantic life. Kagome was aware it wasn't him; it was her own issues, her own insecurities that made her so scared and unsure. How ironic that he, inextricably bound up with those fears now, was the very thing she wanted to seek comfort in.

 

XxXxX

 

Rin and Sesshoumaru, seated together on a Louis XIV divan, stared at the misshapen red and gold object on Mrs. Taisho's antique coffee table. Somehow Kagome's Christmas gift didn't look quite like they expected. Rin had spirited Kagome's bag of decorating supplies out of the guest house after dinner, delirious with the happy secrecy of wrapping the present she and Sesshoumaru had purchased together on their way home from school that day. Unfortunately, neither had any experience in wrapping gifts. The twelve by eight by one inch box was enshrouded in a full thirty by thirty sheet of paper, held secure by an overabundance of inexpertly applied tape. It looked like a small, lumpy pillow had been wrapped by blind, mitten-wearing monkeys.

 

“This is why the universe created gift bags,” Sesshoumaru said. He knew declining his mother's offer to help was a bad idea.

 

“Kagome's a peeker. It has to be wrapped up,” Rin said. “Maybe it would look better with a ribbon.” She dug in the bag and fished out a spool of gold raffia. She wound it around several times and, with her uncle's assistance, tied it into a big, floppy bow. “At least it hides the tape,” she said with a shrug. “I think she'll like it.” She added an adhesive gift tag and wrote. “To Kahg…oh…may. From Rin.” She watched Sesshoumaru sign. “You have a lot of Ss in your name.”

 

“I suppose I do,” he said.

 

“S is my worst letter. Shippou says I'm a lucky duck `cause my name is easy to write. Was it hard for you to learn your name?”

 

“I really don't remember; that was a long time ago,” he answered with amusement. He was still getting used to the way the child's mind worked—her innocence and curiosity and need to make sense of the world and people around her. “Your grandmother may remember.”

 

Rin nodded. “She remembers a lot.” She climbed on his lap, a nice, safe place. “She told me a whole bunch of stories about my Daddy and you when you guys were little.”

 

“What did she tell you?” He was not immune to his own curiosity.

 

Rin smiled as his arms tightened around her. “That when you took baths together you would have splashing fights and sometimes make a flood.”

 

Sesshoumaru had vague memories of bath times past, an opportunity for his and his brother's animosity to be directed toward fun, even if it meant certain punishment for getting water everywhere. “We were a little difficult to handle at times.”

 

Rin shook her head. “She said you were good mostly. Can you tell me a story about you?” Rin, knowing her uncle wasn't the most talkative person in her acquaintance, summoned The Look. The corners of her mouth turned down and her lower lip pouted; her eyes became golden pools of hopeful melancholy.

 

Sesshoumaru tugged the sunken corners of her mouth up, making her laugh. “That's unnecessary.” He took a deep breath and asked, “How does a story about when you were a baby sound?” Rin nodded. “When you were a couple weeks old, your parents held a party to celebrate your birth. Your grandparents were still maintaining their ridiculous silence regarding your father, so I went alone.” He let himself momentarily become lost in the memory.

 

It was a mid-November Saturday afternoon, and he stopped by the Welcoming Ceremony on his way to look at a piece of property that was a lynchpin in his plans of remaking the downtown business corridor. Upon entering the address on the invitation, he was immediately spotted by his brother. Inuyasha strode over, carrying a bundle swaddled in a pink and yellow blanket.

 

“Congratulations, Inuyasha.”

 

“Thanks for coming,” he said, a wide grin on his face. “Wanna hold your niece? For the past hour she's managed to stay asleep despite being passed among three dozen people.”

 

He hesitated. The bundle looked innocuous enough, even sturdy, but he knew beneath the cotton flannel was a person who would break if held incorrectly.

 

“Don't be scared. I was freaked the first time I held her. I promise, she won't fall apart. She fits right in the crook of your arm.”

 

He reluctantly, awkwardly held out his arms, and Inuyasha placed his daughter in them. He wondered at how much his brother must trust him to allow him to hold something so small and precious. Once transferred, the baby seemed not so foreign. She was tiny, but solid. Her face was not much more than a rosebud of a mouth, round cheeks, and closed eyes that consisted of long, dark lashes, all crowned by an airy growth of black hair. Part human, part otherworldly creature. “She looks like her mother.”

 

“Yeah. But if she wakes up, you'll see…Taisho eyes. I didn't contribute much to her looks, but I fully intend to have her get my personality.” He laughed. “Sesshoumaru, I've never been as happy in my whole life as in the past two weeks. It's not like I'm really that useful. I just hang out and wait for Kikyou to need me. Rin nurses and sleeps and that's about it. I change a few diapers, which isn't as gross as I thought it would be. We take naps together…the three of us. Rin and Kikyou sleep and I lie next to them and stare. For two or three hours, I just stare at them and love them and think that I'm the luckiest bastard who's ever existed. I thought I was happy when she was pregnant and feeling the baby kick and shit…I had no clue. I was born to be this guy. This husband. This father. I'm going to be a great dad.”

 

They locked eyes and so much that would never be said aloud was communicated. Through all their disagreements, they were both survivors of a highly dysfunctional household, now well along their own separate paths. He blinked to keep his eyes from tearing like Inuyasha's were. “Again. Congratulations, Inuyasha. You'll be a fine father.”

 

“I know you said you are on your way somewhere. Mom and Dad really didn't want to come…”

 

“I won't apologize for them.” He handed Rin back and felt that his arms seemed emptier than before he held her, that something was transferred to the child and left him. Like she had briefly tapped into an unknown part of him and quickly sealed it up.

 

“I know. Just tell them she's healthy. She's a good baby. And the door is always open.”

 

“I got there and your father put you into my arms. I'd never held a baby before.”

 

“I was the first baby you ever held?”

 

“You are the only baby I've ever held. You were little and beautiful and fast asleep. I told him congratulations, and he told me how happy you made him. He said you were a good baby and you made him feel like he would be a good father. He really loved you.” He understood that now-unsealed part of him. “I really love you.”

 

Rin knew there was more to the story. Words not spoken…loss, sadness, regret. But at the heart of it all was love.

 

XxXxX

 

Kagome scowled as she wandered through the big house, looking for Rin. It was getting late and the girl needed a bath before bed, and Kagome looked forward to spending a relaxed hour with her niece, an hour not staring at fibers and a loom, at fabric and thread. Once again she was working nonstop and fearing burnout, but the extra money would be worth it in the end. Just another couple days and life would get back to normal…unfortunately that meant she would no longer have work as a refuge and would have to face her emotions.

 

She finally found Rin in Mrs. Taisho's sitting room, curled up on Sesshoumaru's lap like a kitten. He was stroking her hair, and they were chatting quietly. She couldn't clearly hear what was said, but every so often Sesshoumaru would respond to Rin with a low chuckle. They appeared so content and at ease with each other, so bonded; they belonged to one another. She felt like an intruder.

 

She cleared her throat. “Hey, baby girl, time to say goodnight.”

 

“Awww, Kagome,” Rin whined, “not yet.”

 

“Sorry, hon,” she said, walking into the room. “Tomorrow is a big day. You want to be well rested for the last day of school before winter break party, don't you?”

 

“I guess,” Rin conceded. In truth, she had been giddy with excitement all week. Kagome had been sewing a large floor covering for the classroom that had a big, colorful circle on the outside edge made up of different animals, marking places where each kid should sit. The inside of the circle was a giant play mat with a forest scene that was actually a giant maze. She couldn't wait to give it to her teachers.

 

Kagome saw the present on the table and glared at Sesshoumaru. “I told you not to get me anything,” she said with irritation.

 

Sesshoumaru narrowed his eyes at her rudeness, then noticed dark circles under her eyes and sunken cheeks. For the past several days, though his work schedule was winding down, she was now the busy one and had blown off most of his attempts to arrange lunch or a late-night rendezvous. “This is from Rin and me. Are you sleeping enough?”

 

“Yeah, Kagome,” Rin chimed in. “Don't be such a Grinch.”

 

“Sorry,” she said to Sesshoumaru. She sat next to them and pulled Rin onto her lap. “You're right. I'm sorry. That was a grouchy thing to say. My only excuse is tiredness. I've been spending late hours in the studio.” She gave Rin a little hug. “Your grandparents are in the library. Why don't you go kiss them goodnight, then we can go home and you can have a bath.”

 

Once Rin had given him a hug and left, Sesshoumaru grasped Kagome's chin, forcing her to look at him. Her eyes were wide and glassy with the mania that often accompanies exhaustion. “You mentioned before that you were sleep deprived. Have you been working too much?” It was as much an accusation as a question.

 

“A lot, but not too much,” Kagome said with a dismissive wave. She flinched away from his hand and stood. “I've had a lot of holiday deadlines. Anyway…like you're one to talk, Mr. Works Fourteen Hours A Day.”

 

“You'll recall what happened the last time you weren't getting enough sleep. You ended up ill.”

 

“I really don't need a lecture. I'm a big girl.” The irritation was creeping back into her voice. “I finished the gift for Rin's class today, and I only have one rush-job left to finish. For one of your mother's friends. This woman found out that I had finished a piece for her neighbor and decided she needed her commission before the weekend and their Christmas party. And she offered a huge bonus. Fuck if I understand these society people and their need to constantly one-up each other,” she said, shaking her head. “But…dangle money in front of me and watch me dance. Thank god I started it already and only have eight or ten hours left. I'll catch up on sleep over the weekend.”

 

Sesshoumaru frowned and did the math; she would be up most of the night. Knowing he could give her everything and she would never have to work again made her want of money as a reason for her current state seem sour and unnecessary. But she had honored his busy schedule and was entitled to the same consideration. She however was obviously not herself, and he cared too much to let her turn away. “Do you want me to give Rin her bath and put her to bed tonight? Give yourself a chance to sleep for an hour or two? I promise I would leave you be so you could get back to work.” He gently brushed a stray strand of hair from her face.

 

His consideration and the worry etched in his face made a painful lump rise in her throat. “No. Thanks. I need to spend some time with her…and give my fine motor skills a rest. My fingers were cramping up. And I'm afraid that if I lie down, I won't get up again.” She felt horrid for withdrawing, but it was best to stick with the original plan—spend some time with Rin, then get back to work. An end to the madness was in sight. “I'm sorry I'm such a downer. I'm alright. Nothing a pot of coffee can't fix.” She pasted on a smile that she hoped was persuasive. “Goodnight.”

 

Sesshoumaru watched her leave. After the emotional connection he and Rin had achieved and the things she told him, it felt wrong to simply let Kagome go. He sensed that she was trying to distance herself from him, but he attributed it to fatigue and stress from the holidays. He had waited patiently it get to this point in their relationship and was not about to let her get away from him.

 

XxXxX

 

Kagome knocked on Sango's office door and peeked in. “Hey. Your receptionist said you were in between clients.”

 

“Come in,” Sango said. “I've got an hour break.”

 

“I found a couple more of Kikyou's pregnancy books and thought I'd bring them over on my way home.” She pulled two books from her bag and set them on Sango's desk.

 

When Kagome stepped into the sunlight coming through the window, Sango saw that she had deep, dark circles under her eyes and an ashen skin tone. “Kagome, I'm sorry, but you look like absolute shit. How much sleep have you had?”

 

“None. I was up all night and most of the past three nights.” She held up a hand. “Don't start. I had a five hundred dollar bonus on the line. I took Rin to school, helped with the end of the year party, hung the tapestry I completed at five fucking a.m. thankyouverymuch, went to the bank to deposit my lovely check, and now I'm going home to sleep. I don't even have to pick up Rin, so I'm set for a long afternoon nap. Then no more deadlines until after the first of the year. I may actually go to bed early tonight.”

 

“Five hundred dollars? I don't blame you a bit,” Sango laughed. “Thanks for the books. And thanks again for taking time to do the film society get-together in the midst of your busy schedule. It meant a lot to me.”

 

“My pleasure. I needed a sanity-preserving night off. I hope you had fun.”

 

“I had a great time. It was especially nice to see you and Sesshoumaru interact as a couple. You two are cute overload. Things are still good?”

 

Kagome sighed. “Things…are great. He is intelligent, caring, and has a disarming sense of humor. His oral skills are unmatched, sex is phenomenal, and afterward when I get all chatty…he listens to me and even converses with me. The roll-over-and-fall-asleep male stereotype has been destroyed. I swear he was a woman in a past life.” She looked at the floor. “Too bad I need to break up with him.”

 

Sango was shocked; she had seriously believed Kagome was done with running away from a healthy love life. “Wait, what? Kagome? Why in the world do you need to break up with him?”

 

“I need to do it now, before we get more emotionally attached,” she said as if it were perfectly reasonable. “Rin suspects something is up between us, and I can't have her cultivating this mythology that we are going to be a happy family of three someday. I don't want her more confused and upset than she needs to be when we move out.”

 

Sango's confusion increased. “Why exactly would you not be a happy family of three? And what's this about moving?” This was not good news, she thought. Kagome was too calm, too certain.

 

Kagome nodded. “My show was successful beyond my wildest expectations, I made a lot of money this month between commissions and gallery sales, and I have work lined up well into next year. Not having to pay rent was a huge help. I've got twelve thousand dollars in my savings account, which should be a tidy sum toward a down payment of a nice, little three-bedroom condo.” She set her bag down and poured herself a cup of cold coffee. “It should have been like this from the beginning. Rin and I living on our own, with the Taishos a significant part of her life. Not this fake nuclear family that we aren't.” She sipped the coffee, made a face, and set it down.

 

Sango rose slowly. Her friend was trying to trivialize, but the slight shaking of her hands betrayed her. “Kagome…what's going on here? And don't try to bullshit me. I won't let you use Rin as an excuse.”

 

Kagome had kept her tone casual and matter-of-fact in an attempt to disguise her true feelings, but when she realized Sango wasn't buying it, the façade began to crack. “I…Sango,” she faltered. She sank into the couch and buried her face in her hands. The wall had fallen apart. “I'm falling in love with him.”

 

Sango sat next to Kagome and gently pried the hands away. “Honey, that's a good thing.”

 

“No, Sango, it's not,” Kagome insisted. “It's a fucking scary thing.”

 

“So…you were comfortable when this was just sex, and now that it's not just sex, you're afraid?”

 

“In a nutshell, yes. The less you care, the less you can get hurt. I like him…a lot,” she paused and blinked back tears. “I want to be with him, I do, but I'd rather be alone the rest of my life than ever feel like I did before.”

 

Sango understood the reference. Before was PTSD. “Kagome, it's okay, but that's not you anymore and you can't ignore a significant part of living forever. You're just scared.”

 

“Hell yeah I'm scared! I am scared fucking shitless.”

 

“Okay okay…I know you're afraid, but why this fear of him breaking up with you?” She decided to try humor to lighten the mood. “You've been dumped plenty of times. Why the unnecessary scrutiny?”

 

Kagome's glower was a weak, pale imitation of her trademark scowl. “Yeah, I've been dumped a lot. But only one time post-depression, and that was a guy I had only kissed a few times. This is different, and the longer I stay, the greater the chances I'm going to completely freak when he is done with me.”

 

“Why do you think that's so inevitable? He seems as happy with you as you are with him.”

 

“Why? Because I'm not good enough for him.”

 

Sango was incredulous. “Kagome, that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard,” she said point blank. “What brought this on?”

 

“Oh…my stupidity? I finished working last night and instead of getting an hour sleep, I looked at this file I found with all sorts of stuff about Sesshoumaru. Lots of articles about how he is god's gift to the state and local economy, and one was a gossip column about the women he's dated. Who their parents are, which sorority they belonged to, which charities they are on the boards of. All women who don't just fit in to that society, they embody it. One day he's going to wake up and silly, quirky, foul-mouthed Kagome isn't going to cut it. I can't do this on such unequal footing. I think I could handle a relationship with a schmo like me, but not him.”

 

Sango took a deep breath. She hadn't seen Kagome worked up into such a frenzy of paranoia and illogic since college. “Honey, you are glossing over the fact that he isn't with any of them. He's with you. Look at Kikyou and Inuyasha. They were really happy despite the differences in upbringings.”

 

“Inuyasha turned his back on that blue-blood lifestyle. He chose Kikyou over it. Sesshoumaru isn't Inuyasha. Sesshoumaru is that lifestyle.”

 

“I'm sorry. I don't believe you,” Sango said, shaking her head. “I remember too clearly how angry you were when there was an implication that the Taishos didn't think your sister was good enough for their son. There's something else that you haven't said.”

 

Kagome could no longer hold back the tears. “I want so badly to be healthy and normal and make a relationship work, but I'm so afraid.” She grabbed a tissue from the end table and wiped her eyes. “Gahhhhhh! I'm still so fucked up about all of this. After years of feeling like I'm almost normal, I realize that I'm not. Normal people take chances and sometimes get hurt, but I'm too afraid. I'm practically falling apart just talking about it. It's me and my issues and my history, and I don't want to drag Sesshoumaru and Rin down with me.”

 

Sango pulled her close and let her sob. “Have you talked to him about your insecurities?” She strongly suspected she hadn't.

 

“Hell no!” Kagome scoffed through her tears. “I don't want him to think I'm some clingy chick in constant need of validation or trying to push the relationship faster. I'm not like that. Or at least I used to not be. I don't even know what I am anymore. That's why I need to do this. I'm so afraid of becoming someone I don't want to be. I don't want to be someone who would try to kill herself. Not again.”

 

Sango continued to hold her until the tears seemed to have run the course. “Sweetie. I understand your need to protect yourself. I do. You are afraid of someone you love hurting you and that hurt pushing you into a dark place. Kagome, you're afraid of something might never happen.”

“I know,” she whispered, “but it might. That's enough.”

 

Sango stood up and got Kagome a glass of water. “I think you are overtired and letting your fear of fear get away from you. You've faced down harsher stuff than this before. Honey, I think also you've been through a lot this year, and falling in love wasn't something you expected. It caught you off guard. But sometimes good things come at inconvenient times. Kagome, let it happen. Don't run away from someone who obviously cares for you.”

 

She shrugged and shook her head. “I don't know.”

 

The ambivalence gave Sango a little bit of hope. “Just don't do anything before you have a chance to catch up on sleep. I think the unknown will seem less scary when you don't look like walking death.” She stroked Kagome's cheek and encouraged her to look her in the face. “And you should tell him how you feel. You at least owe him that.”

 

Kagome pulled another tissue from the box and blew her nose. “I don't know what sleep will do. This has been eating at me for a week now. It's all I thought about last night while I was working.” She smiled through the second onslaught of tears. “Thanks for listening to me though.”

 

“Go get some sleep.”

 

Kagome nodded and kissed her friend. As soon as the door closed and footsteps faded, Sango picked up her phone and found Sesshoumaru's number.

 

“Hello, Sango,” the voice at the other end said.

 

“Sesshoumaru, the situation is desperate. Do you have a few minutes?”

 

&&&

 

I do not own Inuyasha or Hero, The Magic Crane, Happy Together, In the Mood for Love, Tokyo Raiders, Hard Boiled, or Fuente Hemingway cigars. Thank you for reading!