InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Fleeting ❯ Doubt ( Chapter 12 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

un_love_you prompt:  #07 – “Prove it.”

Kagome sighed, leaning back to dip her head under the warm spray.  She was completely relaxed as she stood in the shower, a happy smile rising to her lips as memories of the night before floated through her mind.

She couldn’t remember pleading with him to stay, so rolling onto her side and coming face-to-face with him – in her bed – in the dead of night – had been nothing short of shocking.  She could only stare at him, her heart racing as she realized just how close they lay…and, unfortunately, just how very clothed they still were.  Nevertheless, her surprise had melted into a warm longing, filling the very core of her being as she reached for him, circling her arms around his waist, her hands drifting under his shirt.  He’d stirred at her touch, opening his eyes, his vision slowly coming into focus as she gazed up at him.

“Better?” he’d whispered, drawing her close, stroking her back softly.

She’d nodded, still hovering along the plane of consciousness, and she remembered being mesmerized by the way the moonlight reflected in his golden eyes.  A wave of relaxation had rolled over her as he continued to caress her, and she’d felt herself go boneless in his arms.  She’d pressed herself against him, the soft rumble in his chest the last sensation she remembered before sleep overtook her once more…

…before she woke up again, reaching desperately for the loud, annoying alarm clock –

– only to find that she was alone.

She’d swiftly pushed herself up, looking around her room for any evidence of his presence, but there was none.  Light-headed wooziness had filled her as her blood resettled, and she sighed, pitching the clock under her bed before dragging herself out of bed and preparing for her morning shower.

A heaviness pooled in her belly now as the water cascaded over her shoulders, her brow furrowing as her hands drifted down between her thighs.  She remembered the way she’d felt, laying there in his arms, her body tucked intimately into his.  Heat flooded through her and she closed her eyes, pressing back into her memories, opening her legs further to her own touch.

Didn’t he understand?

…his hands moving steadily over the planes of her back, driving intensity along her spine, pressing deep into her shoulders only to release at her lower back…

Was he so oblivious?

…his fingertips massaging tight circles over each vertebra in turn, so light yet firm…

That when he did these things –

…his touch, so gentle, pulling diagonally across her back, sensations of heat and coolness flowing over her skin, penetrating her muscles, willing her to relax…submit…

– it only made her want him even more?

She muffled a strangled cry as she finally brought herself to release, her back hitting the tiled wall of the shower, her breath shuttering in her lungs as her muscles spasmed around her fingers.  Tears prickled behind her eyes as she spiraled down, feeling more frustrated than satisfied, the needy ache that consumed her unabated by her own hand.

God, didn’t he know that he was supposed to be helping to ease these needs, not make them worse?  I’m living with the guy I’m dating, she thought bitterly.  I’m not supposed to be contemplating waterproof vibrators anymore!

And that just made it worse.  What was wrong with her, that she drove him away like this?  What had she done to make him think that sneaking out of her room like he’d never even been there was a better option than waking up in her arms?

She swallowed convulsively as she straightened, reaching for her body wash and lathering up absently.  She wasn’t used to this, being the aggressive one in a relationship, and after last night, she was at a complete loss.  She’d never gone this long without sex, and she was to the point where she didn’t know what to think – she could only surmise that whatever the problem was, it was her fault.  

Not that she hadn’t tried.  It was impossible for her to keep her hands to herself when they were together.  She couldn’t help it – she loved touching him, wherever he’d let her.  True, he’d requested from the start that they take it slow; she’d been up for that, finding it novel, if not a little bit chivalrous.  And she’d made gains fairly quickly, considering the fact that their first date had ended with her in his lap.  But from there, things had stalled; she’d grown increasingly frustrated as the weeks passed and still, she found herself retreating to bed alone.

It would’ve been one thing if she’d been pushing him out of his comfort zone with her advances, but it was quite obvious to her – in more ways than one – that he was just as into their foreplay as she was.  No, somehow he always managed to make himself stop, right at the last minute, just before crossing that line, where kisses turned needy and touch became sexual.

At first, she’d tried to hide her disappointment from him, but after the disaster that was Valentine’s Day (when she’d expected flowers and candy and romance, only to receive bland explanations instead), she couldn’t any longer.  Instead, she’d decided to be even more assertive about her needs, rushing through their routine play, deliberately pushing him past his boundaries to see how he’d react –

– only to meet the same fate, with him withdrawing and leaving her raw with need.

She’d gotten close, once, and only two days ago, no less.  It had started slowly, as usual – curling up together in the common room after dinner, her watching TV as he read the newspaper.  She’d waited patiently for him to finish, laying her head on his shoulder and her hand on his thigh as she gazed at the screen, readying herself so that she didn’t waste a single moment…

…and he could sense what she wanted, because he was smiling, knowingly, his eyes hooded as he turned to her, stilling the hand that softly stroked his leg, gathering her in his arms and pressing his lips to hers.  Things had grown very heated very quickly, and she relished the sense of urgency he seemed to have this time, so different from his usual, staid nature.

She’d secretly thrilled when he tugged her into his lap, her knees splayed across his hips, his hands sneaking under her shirt and rising up the planes of her back, reaching for the clasp of her bra.  She’d exhaled sharply against his mouth when she felt it give way; he hesitated in response, his hands still fixed on her back, as if afraid to follow through.  She’d helped him along, easing open the buttons of his shirt and sliding her hands inside, warming her palms against his smooth, alabaster skin, trailing kisses along the line of his neck all the while.  Her hands had drifted lower, still opening the buttons of his shirt, pulling the tails free from his trousers –

 – and then, somehow, they were on the floor, but she hadn’t minded at all, pulling his body flush to hers.  He wanted her – God, she could feel it, she was so close – but then he’d abruptly broken away, separating himself completely, his chest heaving as he loomed over her on his hands and knees.  Then the haze of her mind began to clear and she saw him scowl, as if in pain…and an old familiar feeling had crept back into her stomach.

Kagome frowned, reaching for the shower head and rinsing the soap from her skin.  Perhaps worst of all was the fact that he was always so damn stoic and silent, never telling her why he wanted – or needed – to stop, only looking at her with that muted expression…like he was hiding something from her.  As she emerged from the shower, a sudden and overwhelming need to know rose up within her.

Why?  Why had he left her?  What had she done?  Was he – ashamed of her, or their relationship?

That thought spurred her; wrapping herself in an oversized towel, she shot out of the bathroom, moving down the hall, past her own room, reaching for the knob of his bedroom door.  She halted abruptly, her heart pounding in her ears, and she drew her lower lip between her teeth.  I’m crazy, she thought to herself.  I’m hormonal, and PMSing, and horny, and totally, completely insane.

Still, she wanted to know.  She had to know.  If she didn’t have sex with a real, live person soon, she was going to explode, dammit!

She twisted the knob, her stomach flip-flopping when she realized that it was locked.  “Sesshoumaru?” she called out tentatively, knocking on the door.

No answer.

She turned away, tears once again welling behind her eyes.  She wandered through the rest of their tidy apartment in search of him, her heart falling to the lower reaches of her stomach when she realized that she was totally, completely alone.

So – not only had he left her bed without waking her, he’d left the apartment as well.

She returned to her room and quickly dressed, before pulling her books and notes together for her classes.  She found herself too preoccupied to sort through the papers, however, and in the end just shoved everything in her bag when she belatedly noticed the time.  She dashed out the door, pushing the fears and doubts from her mind.  The last thing she needed was to be late to class – again.  This would just have to wait.

The only question was – could it?

“All right, Kagome,” Inuyasha declared, crossing his arms over his chest as he leveled a pointed stare at her.  “Out with it.”

Kagome furrowed her brow.  “What?” she queried, looking up as if she hadn’t realized that he’d been standing beside her desk for the past five minutes.

He scowled.  “I know something’s bothering you,” he insisted, “so tell me what it is.”

“Oh.”  She looked down again, busying herself with the last of her class notes.  “It’s nothing.”

He pursed his lips as he studied her.  She sighed, wishing he’d direct his scrutiny elsewhere.  It had been bad enough that she’d only just made it to class on time; too late, she’d realized they were having a spot quiz on the reading material, one of this particular professor’s favorite student-torturing tactics.  And, because this was so not her day, she’d been called on to explain a complicated, philosophical construct from the reading that they were to discuss in class that day – and of course she hadn’t been able to find her notes or the original paper or anything.  It was humiliating, and did nothing to help her already anxious mood.

“I know this class is boring,” Inuyasha quipped, “but it shouldn’t be physically painful, not for someone like you.”

She gave him a wan smile as she packed her bag.  “It’s nothing,” she tried again.  “Let’s have lunch, okay?”  She turned on her heel and walked out of the classroom, hoping he would drop the sudden interrogation.  

Truth be told, she’d spent most of the class time thinking over her personal situation, and it had only grown worse in her own mind:  she remembered how busy her boyfriend always seemed to be, how he practically lived at the library these days, how he sometimes evaded even the most innocent of her questions.  And yet…and yet, no matter how much he seemed to shut her out sometimes, other times he did exactly the right thing.  Like last night, for example – the way he’d held her, so sweetly, so calmly, so protectively…God, she couldn’t help but cherish that.  It’s like he’d known exactly what to do to soothe the worst of her fears.  And even without the threat of a sketchy stalker, she enjoyed their small moments together, cuddled up after dinner, feeling warm and safe and close to him.

And waking up in his arms last night – even momentarily – had been absolutely heavenly.  She’d do anything to feel that way again.

“Come on,” Inuyasha cajoled, breaking into her thoughts as they settled into a booth at a local sandwich shop.  “I’m your friend.  Don’t you trust me?”

She smiled.  Yes, he was her friend – probably the best, most supportive friend she’d made in a long time.  It was wonderful having someone to talk to about classes or professors, to commiserate with over papers and exams, or just to yak about whatever was going on in her life.  More than once of late, she’d caught herself wondering how it was that their fates had collided like this.  If she was any other girl, in any other situation, she would’ve snapped Inuyasha up in a heartbeat.

But…she wasn’t any other girl.  And, for all her current worries, she was still very much attached to Sesshoumaru.  Even before they had gotten together, she’d never given up hope that things would work out between them – and she couldn’t stop now, just because their relationship had hit a snag.

Even if it was a very important, elephant-in-the-room sort of snag.

“Of course I trust you,” she assured him.  There’s no way I’m discussing my sex life with you, though, she added silently.

A patch of silence stretched out between them as they ate, and Kagome began to relax when it seemed like Inuyasha was satisfied with her reassurances.  She sighed, taking a bite of her sandwich, eyeing her companion with a bit of regret.  I wish I could talk to someone about this, she thought.

“It’s him, isn’t it?” Inuyasha suddenly said, his words more of a statement than a question.

She couldn’t stop the blush that rose to her cheeks in response.

His eyes narrowed as he watched her.  “Did he do something to you – hurt you in some way?”

That’s one way to put it, she thought wryly.  “Well, not exactly,” she murmured in response.

He slammed his hand on the table.  “Dammit, Kagome,” he growled, cutting his eyes away from her.

She startled at his reaction.  “I told you, it’s nothing,” she reiterated.  “It’s just me being insecure, as usual.”

Inuyasha dropped his sandwich, his scowl deepening as his hands curled into fists.  “I knew it,” he muttered under his breath.  “That bastard.”

“Hey!” she cried, “What was that for?”  She had her own doubts, it was true, but she wouldn’t abide by anyone cursing him.  He was still her boyfriend, problems or not.

Inuyasha finally found it within himself to face her.  “Don’t you know who he is?”

She frowned, puzzled.  “What?”

“Your boyfriend,” he spat.  “Don’t you know he’s a Taisho?”

She rolled her eyes.  “Yeah, so?”

He gave her an incredulous look.  “The son of your father’s biggest business rival?” he reiterated.

She nodded very slowly, sarcasm radiating from her expression.  “What’s your point?” she asked coolly, irritation rankling across her nerves.

Inuyasha was silent for a moment, as if collecting himself.  “He’s applying for a position in your family’s company.”

She swallowed a gasp of surprise, her heart beginning to pound in her chest.  “Okay,” she replied, striving to keep her voice calm.

“Okay,” he repeated, taking a deep breath.  “Now, why wouldn’t he tell you that, huh?  Because I take it he hasn’t told you.”

She looked down, unwilling to respond.  How would he know, anyway?  So far as she could tell, Sesshoumaru couldn’t stand the sight of him, for whatever reason. “It’s no surprise, really,” she informed him nonchalantly, studying the design on the plate that held her lunch.  “Considering the small and elite circle we move in, the business world tends to be pretty incestuous.”

“If that’s the case, then why hasn’t he told you, unless he has some ulterior motive?” he countered.  “It’s your company, after all.  Could it be because he’s using you as a means to an end?”  He paused, giving her a very pointed look.  “That he doesn’t want you, so much as the power you wield?”

Her eyes flashed with unmitigated anger as she lifted her gaze to his.  “Prove it,” she challenged.