InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Fleeting ❯ Contrition ( Chapter 17 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

un_love_you prompt #28 – (Author’s Choice) – “Stop playing games with me.”

Kagome heaved a sigh of relief as she threw herself down on the blanket-covered ground.  “Thank goodness that’s over,” she groaned dramatically to Sango, who gave her an indulgent smile and shake of the head in return.  Kagome rolled onto her back, stretching out like a lazy cat in the afternoon sun.  “Why does finals week have to coincide with the most beautiful weather we’ve had in ages?”

Sango glanced at her over the rim of her sunglasses before turning her attention back to her phone.  “Think of it as nature’s warped sense of humor,” she drawled.

Kagome shrugged, reaching into her bag for her own pair of shades.  The girls were ensconced in a small park that adjoined the university’s campus, sharing their sun-dappled afternoon with most of their classmates.  The sky was cloudless and blue above them, the breeze warm and soft as it stirred through their hair.  It was a perfect early May Friday – and the end of the long and arduous week of finals.

“How’d you do?” Sango inquired, flipping her phone open as she received another text message.

Kagome groaned again, covering her face with her hands.  “All I can say is, thank God it was the microeconomics of business – a class I could pass in my sleep!”  She paused, peeking between her fingers to ascertain whether her friend was paying attention.  

Sango gazed down at her with a wry smile, as if she knew what was coming next.  

“Which I might as well have been doing,” Kagome continued, somewhat melodramatically, “considering my mind has been otherwise occupied lately…”

Sango gave her friend’s hand a sympathetic squeeze.  “Kagome – ”

“I know, I know,” Kagome cut in, her playful expression falling as she pushed her sunglasses up the slope of her nose.  “If it’s meant to be, it’ll happen again, in its own time,” she said, saving Sango the trouble of repeating the platitude for the umpteenth time.  “I guess…”  She sighed.  “I guess I just wish I knew if it was meant to be…”

She bit her lip as an unexpected wave of tears prickled behind her eyes.  Pull yourself together, girl, she reprimanded herself.  It’s not so bad as that, and you know it. This is just exam fatigue, that’s all.

Still…

It had been hard, being so close and yet, so far from the one she loved – sharing an apartment and a somewhat tenuous friendship with him, when she wanted – no, needed – so much more.  Grasping at the promise of that friendship had brought her out of the depths of her despair, but it had also fueled her love for him, perhaps dangerously so.  She cherished their fleeting moments together:  sharing a quick cup of tea in the morning; bumping into each other in the hallway; sharing space in the common room to cram for their exams.  More than once of late she’d found herself staring at him, indulging her heart’s desire, longing for the touch she’d once known.

Being around him wasn’t torturous, as she might’ve feared (or expected).  Instead, they shared an unusual sort of camaraderie, tacit yet supportive, as if they were still feeling out the boundaries of their freshly repaired friendship.  More than anything, she’d realized, she truly wanted him to be happy, and if that meant settling for a platonic relationship, then so be it.  She would not push – after all, the last time she’d forced him to show his hand, she’d found herself ill-prepared for the consequences of her actions.

That didn’t stop her from dreaming, however.  They had been through so much already – a little piece of her would always hold out hope that they could truly find their way back to each other.  After all, if it was meant to be…

“So, that was your last exam, right?” Sango chirped, breaking into her friend’s heavy thoughts.

“Mmm,” Kagome mumbled, closing her eyes and shifting on the blanket, positioning herself for optimal sun exposure.  She’d love nothing more than to dream the afternoon away, maybe pick up where she’d left off that morning – a sensual summery getaway with the object of her affection to someplace terribly romantic, holding hands in the park, kissing in the rain, making love by the fire – from which she had been so rudely awakened by her alarm clock.

“Good,” Sango replied, her fingers flying over the keypad of her phone.  She made a noise of satisfaction a few moments later, which caused Kagome to crack open an eye.

She regarded her friend warily.  “Why did you ask?”

Sango waved her hand dismissively as she typed out a response.  “I just wanted to be sure,” she hedged, hitting the send button with a flourish and glancing up, as if searching for someone.

A small knot began to form in Kagome’s stomach as she sat up.  “Sango?  What’s going on?”

Sango shot her a pointed look before lifting her chin, drawing Kagome’s gaze across the grassy knoll.  Her heart plummeted to the lower reaches of her stomach when she realized that Miroku and Inuyasha were headed towards them, albeit somewhat reluctantly.

“Sango!” Kagome hissed, pulling off her shades.  “I told you, I don’t want to see him!”

Sango gave her a pleading look.  “Please, Kagome, just talk to him, okay?  It’s been hell on earth trying to keep him at bay these last few weeks.”  She paused, glancing down into her lap.  “Besides, I think it would do you both a world of good to get this out in the open and settled, once and for all.”

“But Sango,” Kagome argued, “after what he did to me, how can you – ”

Sango clapped her hand on Kagome’s arm.  “Please?” she asked quietly.  “You’re both my friends, and I hate seeing either of you in such pain.”  Her eyes met Kagome’s in a measured, if determined, gaze.  “If you won’t do it for your own peace of mind, then would you do it for mine?”

Before she could respond, Miroku and Inuyasha arrived at their blanket. Sango scrambled to her feet, pressing a kiss to her boyfriend’s cheek and taking his arm.  “I’ll trade you,” she offered with a smile.

“Hmm, I’ll take you up on that,” Miroku replied coyly, giving his companion a little push forward while returning his girlfriend’s kiss at the same time.

Kagome quickly turned away from the sweet scene, shoving her sunglasses back into place over her eyes.  She had no desire to see Inuyasha, that was for sure, but she also didn’t care to witness another couple being so openly affectionate.

Some wounds were still too raw.

“We’re going for lunch,” Sango announced, reaching for her bag.  “You two stay and have a nice chat, okay?”

Kagome shot her a murderous look, mercifully hidden behind the tinted shades, as the pair strolled off, Miroku’s arm hooked loosely around Sango’s waist.

Inuyasha settled himself on the blanket not far from Kagome.  She turned away from him, pointedly ignoring him as she stared out over the expanse of the park.  She wasn’t sure what she felt – a mixture of emotions, anger and sorrow and panic, her heart thudding heavily in her chest.  She hadn’t spoken to him since unexpectedly waking up in his bed over a month ago, and wasn’t entirely sure she wanted to start now.

“So are you ever going to talk to me again?” Inuyasha finally asked.

Kagome glanced at him.  He was sitting agura-style, picking at the grass at the edge of the blanket, but his posture was quite stiff, his back ramrod straight as he also gazed out over the middle distance, his eyes shielded from hers by dark sunglasses.  The set of his shoulders and the thin line of his mouth betrayed the nervousness and insecurity he hid under the gruff tone of his voice.

“Should I?” she replied quietly.

He turned to face her then, peeling his sunglasses from his face.  His warm brown eyes were intense as they met hers in a silent, affirmative plea.

Butterflies began to flutter in her stomach as she held his gaze.  God, but she hated confrontation.  “I know what you did,” she informed him flatly, working hard to keep her tone firm and even.  “I know who you are.”

He furrowed his brow, his expression turning puzzled.  “What are you talking about?”

Kagome’s hands curled into fists at her sides.  “I know you’re Sesshoumaru’s brother,” she spat with an exasperated sigh.  “I know you were only using me in some sort of twisted game to get back at him.”

Before she could place him, Inuyasha shot across the small space that separated them, his mouth meeting hers with such hunger and urgency that she couldn’t help but respond to it, melting into the sudden, intimate touch under the heat of his kiss.  His hand was warm against her cheek, his fingers curling into the nape of her neck as he pulled away.  “Are you so sure about that?” he whispered, resting his forehead against hers.

Kagome’s head was spinning as she drew her breath.  “Inuyasha,” she managed, her tone pleading, “stop playing games with me.”

He kissed her again, gently this time, his lips brushing softly against hers.  “I’m not playing,” he murmured, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear.  “I want you.”

She seized the opportunity to push him away.  “Why?” she demanded of him.  “To spite Sesshoumaru?  I saw the email you sent him after we slept together.”

His gaze smoldered as it lingered on hers.  “I’ve always wanted you, Kagome,” he replied.  “From the first moment that I laid eyes on you, last fall.  Everything I’ve done since is because of that – no other reason.”

“Does that include dumping me with all the others after that Halloween party?” she asked warily, dodging another caress as he reached for her again.

He looked hurt as his hand fell away from its intended destination.  “I told you,” he returned, “I was called away from school last November.”

“Don’t lie to me,” she shot back sharply.  “I know all about you.  Sesshoumaru showed me your file.”

“I’ve never lied to you, Kagome,” he argued, his brows knitting together.  “I don’t know what Sesshoumaru showed you, but he’s too paranoid for his own good sometimes.  My interest in you has absolutely nothing to do with him.”

Kagome gave him a disbelieving look.  “And threatening to kick his ass on numerous occasions was what, a joke?”

Her heart stopped at the searing gaze he sent back.  “I was only trying to protect you,” he replied, the hint of a growl edging into his voice.  “He’s been nothing but a monumental jackass to me in what few dealings I’ve had with him, and I didn’t want you to be hurt by him as well.”  Tentatively, he took her hand in his.  “I care too much for you to let that happen.”

“Inuyasha…”  Kagome found herself at a loss for words.  He sounded so sincere – and she wanted so badly to believe him.  She knew that Sesshoumaru resented him – hated him, even – but Inuyasha had been nothing but kind to her, there for her when she needed him most, and always passionate in her defense.  He’d given her friends at a time when everyone else had shunned her, not the least of whom was himself.  Even if his reasons didn’t necessarily justify his actions, she had little doubt that he cared for her as much as he claimed.

“You’re the first good person I’ve met since…”  He paused, swallowing convulsively as he traced the lines of her fingers.  “…since I’ve moved here.  You’ve made coming here, and living here, a pleasurable experience, when it had been nothing but a nightmare since my mother’s death.”

Oh, God, she thought, her heart flooding with sympathy for him as the details of his past emerged from the haze of her memory:   how he had only recently come to this country after growing up under his mother’s care in France; of the battle his father had waged to separate him from his maternal grandparents upon her death.  She had no doubt that Inuyasha himself had fought tooth and nail the idea of moving halfway around the world to live with the man who had abandoned him for most of his life, if his current demeanor was anything to go by.  And, in truth, it just made her all the more curious about his relationship with his father.  She already knew of Sesshoumaru’s tenuous connection to their father – was it possible that Inuyasha somehow fared even worse?

Or was this all some sort of elaborate story he’d conjured up in order to garner her sympathy and trust once more?  After all, he had played a decisive role in destroying her relationship with his brother, and he had relished it – well, what she could remember of it.  A blush rose to her cheeks as she recalled that drunken night.

So what do I do now? she asked herself, gazing down at their joined hands.  Can I trust that he’s telling me the truth this time?  Or am I nothing but a pawn in some twisted scheme of his?

“I don’t want to lose you,” he said softly, lacing his fingers through hers.

She glanced up, only to find his face mere inches from hers.  “Inuyasha,” she sighed, backing away from his advances, “I’m not ready to be in a relationship with someone else right now.”

A look of understanding dawned across his features.  “So you have given it some thought, what I asked you last time we were together,” he murmured.  He let her go, folding his hands together in his lap.  “I’m not going to force you, Kagome.  If friendship is all you can offer me…well, then, that’s all I can ask of you,” he vowed.  “So please, can we be friends again?”

Kagome’s heart skipped a beat as she looked him directly in the eye, finding nothing but a sincere plea lurking in his gaze.  He was hurt, yes, resigned to the idea of merely being her friend, but she saw no malice there.

Still, she couldn’t help but feel suspicious.  “Will you stop using me to antagonize your brother?” she hedged.

“Kagome – ” he started, before squeezing his eyes shut and taking a deep breath.  “Of course.  For you, I’d do anything.”

She eyed him for another long moment.  “Okay,” she finally relented.  “We can be friends again.”

Inuyasha’s expression melted into a relieved smile.  “Great,” he replied.  “I’m really glad to hear that.”

Kagome granted him a small smile in return.  “I’m really happy to say it,” she admitted, somewhat sheepishly.  “You were the closest thing I had to a best friend for the last few months.”

Inuyasha quirked a brow, his expression stilling.  “And then?”

Kagome grinned, pressing herself to her feet.  “And then I met Sango,” she replied with a laugh.

He made a big show of rolling his eyes as he stood.  “I see how it is,” he joked, stepping off the blanket.  “One wrong move, and I’m out in the cold.”

You have no idea, Kagome thought as she gathered her belongings and stuffed them in her bag.  Don’t think I’ll ever be so naïve and stupid when it comes to our friendship again.

“How about we grab some lunch?” Inuyasha proposed, breaking into her wary thoughts.  “My treat?”

Kagome considered the invitation as she picked up Sango’s blanket and shook it out.  “Okay,” she finally agreed, holding up the blanket.  “But only if you help me fold this up.”

Inuyasha grasped the ends opposite her.  “It would be my pleasure,” he murmured in reply.