InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Fleeting ❯ Covenant ( Chapter 23 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

un_love_you prompt:  #13 – “I want to hurt you.”

If there was one thing Sesshoumaru prided himself on, it was his absolute sense of self-control.

The others already occupying the seats on the metro as he boarded would have merely seen a tall, thin, silver-haired young man, dressed in an elegant suit and carrying a computer bag.  Those curious enough to direct their gaze at him would have noted his expression was cool, calm, collected, almost guarded – perhaps not unlike the ones they themselves wore in such an impersonal environment.

Yes, to the outside world, he appeared to be just like any other twenty-something headed home for the evening.

But on the inside, he was burning.

His eyes narrowed imperceptibly as he stared straight ahead, bracing himself against one of the poles as the train barreled forward.  Anger – irritation – white hot rage burned through his chest, riding an undercurrent of raw need as it seared down his spine, bringing every nerve ending in his body to strict attention.  His vision was beginning to bathe in red, blurring beyond the advertisements and metro maps that dotted the sides of the car, and he found himself hanging on by the very last thread of social conformity.

It simply was not done, this notion of making a show of derision in public, even in the midst of the crowded, noisy metro.

So he clamped it all down, swallowing hard, clenching white-knuckled fists around the strap of his bag.

Of course it would come to this, he thought crossly.  Of course it would be the very moment when I finally got what I wanted that that asshole would swoop in to destroy it.  His lips thinned as the memory faded into the back of his mind – of Kagome’s sweet, surprising kiss, unlocking the reserve of love and lust and desire that he’d attempted, rather successfully up until that point, to restrain when he was around her – of Inuyasha’s obnoxious, sudden announcement of his presence – of the heated words the two exchanged before Sesshoumaru removed himself from the situation, lest he say – or do – something he’d wind up regretting.  It was the creation of a perfect storm, being yanked from one set of swirling emotions straight into another, from love to hate in a split second – and for once, Sesshoumaru found himself singularly unable to deal with it.

He wasn’t sure whom he despised more in that moment, as the metro screeched to a halt at his stop – his brother, for showing up when he did and ruining a moment he’d been working toward for so long, or himself for finally, totally, completely losing it in response.

He climbed the steps to the surface slowly, methodically, masking the war of emotion that plagued his gut under his patented, perfected impassive expression.  No one else could hear the rush of his blood in his ears, the violent beating of his heart against his ribs, or the way his breath was short and sharp in his chest.  As many traits as he inherited from his father, this ability to order and control his world came directly from his mother, the veritable ice queen.  She would’ve taken one look at his reaction back there on the sidewalk and simply shaken her head, disappointed that he’d allowed even some small measure of restraint to slip from his grasp.

Quietly he slipped into his apartment, locking the door behind him before heading straight for his bedroom and doing the same.  He threw his bag in his chair before heading for the shelf where his stereo system lived.  With a quick check of the CD changer, he flipped the power, turning the volume all the way up a moment before his selections blasted from the surround-sound speaker system.

He stood there for a moment, soaking in the angry, throbbing beat of the bass line.  This was his way of shouting, swearing, stomping his feet and throwing things – he blasted the heaviest, darkest music he could stand, until his heartbeat fell in cadence with the drum tracks, the bass rippling down his back, the wails of the guitar making the walls shimmer under their high-pitched riffs.  Industrial rock from Germany, death metal from Scandinavia, heavy metal from America – it didn’t matter; the louder, the darker, the better.  He held a special place in his heart for Nine Inch Nails, something he broke out when he was feeling particularly at the end of his rope, and With Teeth spun now, galling and guttering him.

Never before could he quite put into words just how much he hated his European half-sibling, but that obnoxious stunt he’d pulled tonight had been the definitive final straw.  Sesshoumaru didn’t give a damn how Inuyasha had found him, only that he had, and he had chosen that exact moment to announce his presence with the sort of gall only their mutual parent possessed.  He had been loath to even look at him, this abomination forced into his life only a year prior, and Inuyasha had only made things worse for himself by even daring to even glance in Kagome’s general direction while in his brother’s presence.  Sesshoumaru thought him little better than pond scum prior to their abrupt confrontation tonight, but in that moment, he’d managed to downgrade his opinion.  

If he thinks he’s even coming near her while I’m around… Sesshoumaru clinched his fists as Reznor let out a perfectly-timed guttural scream.

Truthfully, however, his hatred of that jackass ran deeper than mere possessive jealousy.  Inuyasha’s final words reverberated in his mind now as he threw himself down on his bed:  “You’re just walking straight into his trap!”  So the little jerk was on a mission from their father – what a shocker.  And it wasn’t like his revelation was all that groundbreaking, either.  Did his father honestly think him stupid enough not to realize he was up to something?  Cutting him off from the family company had been a pretty damn big clue.

He was too upset to clearly think through the logistics of his father setting Inuyasha on his path once more, but it was just as well:  at the moment, he wanted nothing more than to revel in the darkness of his current mood, to fantasize about what it would’ve been like to close his hands around his brother’s neck and squeeze, until that stupid, cloying, almost pitying look drained out of his face.  How dare that son of a bitch think he has reason enough to pity me, he thought menacingly, his hands flexing into fists at his sides as the deafening beats of the music droned on around him.  I would find it pathetic if not for the fact that it pissed me off so much.

And, really, perhaps that was what his father was counting on.  The man of a thousand schemes, Taisho Senior was always ready and willing to change course when he found himself thwarted from his goal.  He’d spent his entire career building up his company portfolios in just that manner, switching midstream whenever something stopped working for him, riding his shameless ambition as far as he possibly could in the cutthroat world of finance.  He worked night and day, around the clock, only incorporating what others might consider ‘vacations’ when it suited his needs, schemes, or plans.  The impromptu trip back to France over the previous summer had raised his heretofore only son’s suspicions; though shocked and disgusted by the revelations in the wake of his father’s return, Sesshoumaru was decidedly not surprised to learn of his half-brother’s existence, nor the fact that his father had been squirreling away money for his care for the better part of the last two decades.  

But the discovery of Inuyasha’s existence had cut him to the core, affecting him more – and differently –than it possibly could have his mother or grandmother.  Suddenly, it made sense, the way his father had always treated him during his childhood; he realized then just who it was that he was being compared to so unfavorably.  He watched as his father lavished this young half-French child with the same love and affection he’d been denied, this being who barely deserved to be alive as far as Sesshoumaru was concerned, and he burned with hatred and disbelief.  What made Inuyasha so special, the apparent apple of his father’s eye?  What had this mutt been able to do that he – the only legitimate son and heir – had not, to earn such easy smiles and patient explanations?  It mollified him, somewhat, when he realized that for all the affection being showered on the boy, even he hadn’t earned their father’s respect for his accomplishments; how plain it was to see through his father’s ruthless manipulations, the way he made Inuyasha dance on a string in hopes of earning that very same thing that he, Sesshoumaru, desired most of all – his father’s confidence and admiration.

How bitterly ironic, indeed, that he sought validation from someone he resented.

Maybe that’s why and how he came to form his master plan for wrestling control of his inheritance; his father had continually threatened to cut him out of the will, and he was none too pleased when, upon offering that very same company – Taisho Industrial – to Sesshoumaru out of the blue a few months ago, his elder son rejected it, seeing the bait for what it was.  To accept would mean ceding control, acquiescing power, forever living under his father’s command and in his shadow.  

Instead, Sesshoumaru had taken matters into his own hands, applying for and gaining an internship at their biggest rival’s firm – the company that just so happened to belong to his housemate (and ex-girlfriend).  It was the revelation of this fact, along with his absolute unwillingness to violate her honor and grub for the position he desired, that had led to their explosive breakup in the first place.  Inuyasha had played a key part in the scheme to break them up, one devised by his father for his own ends (or, perhaps, merely his own amusement)…and that gave Sesshoumaru little confidence that his jerk of a half-brother wasn’t walking down that road again, armed with another plan of his father’s making.  After all, his father was nothing if not resourceful, and he had been grooming Inuyasha for the last year in his slick, manipulative ways.

The only surprising twist, Sesshoumaru surmised silently, was that his father was playing the same hand twice in a row.  Was it possible, in his old age, that he was becoming predictable?

Perish the thought, he mused sarcastically, rolling to his side and pulling the duvet over his still fully-clothed body.  The music continued to pound through his speakers, as loud and angry as it had been an hour ago, yet Sesshoumaru closed his eyes, exhaustion finally creeping over him, cocooning around his turbulent, fleeting emotions.

It was not the first time he’d gone to bed angry, and it probably wouldn’t be the last, but sleep was a welcome respite from his rage, his frustration, and most of all, his ultimate feeling of helplessness.

Morning rolled around all too soon for him.  Sesshoumaru cracked his eyes open, staring dully at the alarm clock that chirped rather insistently at his bedside.  He mustered up the energy to slap it silent before sitting up, cradling his head in his hands.  His neck was stiff and his skin was scratchy from sleeping in dress clothes, but all in all, he felt worlds better than he had the evening before.  He leaned back against his pillows, breathing deeply as the rest of his senses roused, and he became aware of the low, pulsating hum emanating from a nearby speaker.

Shit, he thought, closing his eyes again, I hope the music didn’t bother Kagome.

He allowed himself another moment of silence before sliding from the bed and undressing.  He went through his normal morning routine with relative ease: showering, dressing, preparing himself for the start of another work week.  The day had dawned dark and gloomy, mirroring his mood to perfection.

As per usual, he was the first up and about; he settled his things at the kitchen table before moving to the stove to warm the kettle for tea.  It amused him, faintly, how much of a tea drinker he had become in her presence, the ritual as soothing as its caffeine was necessary to start the day.  It was something he’d done when she’d left unexpectedly over the winter holiday because it reminded him of her; now, it was something they shared – something special and precious and all too easy to take for granted.

He prepared his cup and sat down at the table, contemplating his breakfast options as he waited for his roommate to rise.  She wasn’t exactly punctual anyway, but he found himself pulled from his thoughts when he realized he was almost through his first cup and she still hadn’t shown.  A knife of worry sliced through his gut – what if she hadn’t come home last night? – and he suddenly realized that he’d just left her there last night, standing on the sidewalk with Inuyasha while he escaped.

After she’d kissed him.  After he’d embraced her, only too eager for more.

He sighed.  So close, and yet, so far…

“Morning,” came a soft voice.

He glanced up sharply, a wave of relief rolling over him when he noticed her standing in the doorway.  His eyes travelled down the length of her and back.  Summer had arrived, warm and sticky and humid, and Kagome’s outfits had diminished from full Prada suits to skimpier Chanel separates, as the weather dictated.  Today she was wearing a sleeveless silk blouse over a dark miniskirt, one that flared just below her hips, causing his heart to steadily gain traction in his chest when he caught sight of her long, lean legs.

But by the time his eyes returned to hers, he realized that she was looking away from him, eyes downcast, worrying the edge of her lower lip with her teeth.  He frowned.  A patch of awkward silence stretched between them as she stood, and he sat, neither one of them speaking or, indeed, quite knowing what to do.

What was there to say, after all?  The last time they’d been alone together, they could barely keep their hands off each another.  Words hardly seemed necessary then, but now…

He felt a sharp pang of guilt as he watched her cross the room, her eyes trained on the window above the kitchen sink; she began to fidget with the hem of her skirt, a nervous habit she’d never quite been able to break while in his presence, but all he could think about was how much he wanted to have sex with her.  Visions of the deed overtook his mind – touching her, tasting her, feeling every curve of her body flush against his – and he tore his gaze away, staring into his nearly empty tea cup.  Who the hell was he to be entertaining such thoughts, after leaving her stranded with his asshole of a brother the night before?

His eyes widened as his heart skipped a beat – that same asshole she’d already slept with once –

“It’s raining,” Kagome announced, completely oblivious to the emotional rollercoaster he was currently on, attempting to rein in his baser urges while she blathered on about the weather.  He managed to collect himself before she turned to face him, hope and curiosity shining in her eyes.

“Does this mean you’ll drive today?”

He nodded once.  “As promised,” he answered cautiously, watching her carefully, another storm of unwelcome emotion gathering in his chest.  Never before had so much hinged on the presence or absence of her smile, and he found his world hanging in the balance, threatening to tilt off its axis and repay him for all of his dark thoughts from the night before.  Here was his karma, coming back to bite him:  it was rather difficult to lust after someone who looked so unhappy.  He loved her, and he wanted her (badly), but just as before, he was loath to hurt her.  And if he’d inadvertently done that yesterday, well…

Add that to the long list of situations he didn’t want to deal with.

A small, pretty smile finally curved her lips, but she appeared guarded as she wrapped her arms around herself.  “Good,” she replied.  “I’m ready when you are.”

He nodded again, draining the last of the lukewarm tea, and stood, crossing the room to rinse out his cup.  He was slightly perturbed when she moved at the exact same time, as if she didn’t want to be near him, though she had merely gone after her jacket and purse, which she’d put on the table next to his things.  She looked back at him expectantly, but his mind didn’t ease this time; he furrowed his brow as he studied her.

“We don’t want to be late,” she said, rather blandly, and he shrugged, realizing the battle was lost.

They rode together in silence, Sesshoumaru concentrating on the road while Kagome stared out the passenger’s side window of his car, her mind seemingly a million miles away.  Though they sat mere inches from each other, they might as well have been on opposite sides of the planet, and for the first time since rekindling their friendship, Sesshoumaru despaired.  He’d made a horrible mistake, leaving her alone with Inuyasha; why could he only see that now?  After all, the two of them had an even more intimate past than the one he shared with her, and who the hell knows what kind of lies Inuyasha would’ve been spouting, trying to win her back over to his side….  

Thought he was loath to admit it, Sesshoumaru hated how confused and insecure the whole situation made him feel.  Suddenly he was forced to weigh facts against speculation, retrace every move they’d made towards and away from each other in the last few weeks, wondering if his silence had once again spoken louder than his words…

“I hope you’re not upset with me,” Kagome suddenly said, her eyes still trained to the middle distance, beyond the rapidly-moving landscape.

The unexpected apology nearly made Sesshoumaru slam on the brakes.  “What?” he sputtered, catching himself and cutting sharply to the left, almost missing the turn.

“Inuyasha told me about the music,” she replied as they eased into a parking space in front of SHK headquarters, “and how you only do that when you’re really, really angry at someone.”

He flushed.  “It’s not you,” he informed her as he killed the engine, the desire to wring that scrawny asshole’s neck returning with a sudden vengeance.

He stilled when he felt the sudden, gentle pressure of her hand on his.  He glanced over at her, a little unnerved by the way she was looking at him, so somber and serious, almost to the point of tears.  It was obvious something was weighing heavily on her mind, and though he itched to know what it was, he found himself unable to ask – how could he do it in such a way as to sound like a concerned friend, instead of a jealous lover?

“I hope it’s not Inuyasha, either,” she finally said, curling her fingers though his, seeking comfort in his touch as well as his words.

His expression darkened.  “Don’t kid yourself, Kagome,” he muttered, wrenching away from her and climbing out of the car.

Sesshoumaru was considerably surprised when, later that day, he found Kagome waiting for him in his office.  He’d only just returned from a marathon morning meeting, and his nerves were already on end.  He’d passed along a proposal that SHK formally look into what Hidecki Financial Group had on offer, since it had something that his father so obviously found enticing, and Takeda had taken great glee in rejecting it in front of everyone.

So he wasn’t exactly prepared to open his door and find a determined mail room clerk staring back at him.

“We need to talk,” Kagome said urgently, rapidly closing the gap of space between them, “but not here.”

He barely had time to protest before she was leading him away, glancing about covertly as she directed him down the hall to the elevator bank, then down to the first floor and out the double glass doors of the lobby.  She wouldn’t stop long enough to breathe until they were at a restaurant two blocks away, tucked neatly inside a back corner booth.

“What’s going on?” Sesshoumaru demanded under the din of the lunchtime crowd.

“We need to talk,” Kagome said again, looking at him with a grave expression.

He scowled.  “I don’t like conversations that start out that way,” he muttered in response, snapping his menu open to peruse the lunch choices.  

They placed their orders moments later, falling into silence once more while Kagome formulated her thoughts.  Sesshoumaru, already irritated at having to put up with junior executive Takeda’s antics during their morning meeting, found himself running thin on patience.  She was so hot and cold around him nowadays, making him feel things he hadn’t felt in a very long time, when he wanted nothing more than to just get off the rollercoaster already.  He was already drowning in intrigue enough as it was, what with his father and all; he hardly needed any more added to his plate.

“It’s about your father,” she began abruptly, before clamping her mouth shut and shaking her head.  “I mean, it’s about SHK – ”

“He wants to buy it,” Sesshoumaru surmised grimly.  “I know.”

Kagome frowned.  “But do you know how he wants to do it?”

Sesshoumaru stared back at her skeptically.  “Do you?”

She nodded grimly.  “He’s setting you up,” she informed him.  “He’s buying up these smaller companies for capital – and to get rid of other potential investors – and then he’s going to make SHK an offer it can’t refuse – or so he thinks.  When he makes the move to take over the company, he’s going to do it in such a way that it looks like this was your plan all along, and why you wanted so badly to be hired into mergers and acquisitions.”

He didn’t even blink.  “I don’t believe you,” he intoned flatly.

She gaped at him.  “What?!”  She leaned closer, her eyes flashing with anger.  “You think I’d make up such a thing, about my own company and eventual livelihood?!”

“No,” he contended, “but I believe Inuyasha would.”

She reset her jaw, giving him a long, calculated stare as she contemplated her next move.  Their food arrived just then, forcing her back into her seat.  The winning smile she lavished upon the waiter was gone as soon as his back was turned.  Her expression was stormy as she assessed her companion once more.

“Why don’t you believe me?” she finally asked.

“Because I don’t believe a word that comes out of that mutt’s mouth, and I’m sure that’s where you got this from,” Sesshoumaru replied blithely, picking up a helping of rice with his chopsticks.

“You’re wrong about him,” she argued, pushing her food around on her plate.  “You’re crazy to not even acknowledge the severity of this situation!  Your career could be at stake here, not to mention the future of my company!”

“Oh, please, Kagome!” he responded around a mouthful of food.  “He’s playing on your emotions, just as he did before!  He’s just like my father in that regard; absolutely shameless and ruthless in his manipulations.  He doesn’t give a damn who he hurts, if it means getting what he wants in the end.”

Kagome appeared as if she didn’t know whether to laugh or cry at his impromptu tirade.  “How about we not confuse Inuyasha’s possible motives with yours, hmm?” she muttered under her breath.

An angry flush rose to the back of Sesshoumaru’s neck.  “At least I never intentionally tried to hurt you,” he shot back.

“Sometimes you don’t have to try to succeed,” she replied archly.

Sesshoumaru narrowed his eyes as he stared back at her, willing his color to return to normal as he met and matched her challenging gaze.  

After a long moment, the corners of her eyes softened, and she looked down.  “I don’t want to fight with you,” she sighed.  “What would it take to get you to believe me?”

“Proof,” he said simply, taking the fight out of his voice.

“Proof,” she repeated, furrowing her brow.  “What kind of proof?”

“Solid, physical evidence,” he replied.  “My father is crafty, but not exactly a man of the times when it comes to memos, documentation, and such – he still believes in hard copies over electronic ones.”  He leveled her with a calculating stare.  “I want copies of those documents.”

“You want copies?” she echoed disbelievingly.  “But that could take days!  Time we don’t have!”

“Actions speak louder than words, isn’t that what you once told me?” he contended, fighting to control the wince that shuddered through him as he threw the words of their breakup back in her face.  “I don’t trust a word that comes out of Inuyasha’s mouth – so far as I’m concerned, this is just another one of my father’s schemes, and he’s merely playing his part.”

Kagome gave him a sardonic smile.  “Well, how’s this for irony?  That’s exactly what Inuyasha told me you’d say.”

The final words of that conversation rankled over Sesshoumaru’s nerves for the next few days, but he had little time to ponder over the sinister possibilities.  As soon as he’d returned to the office after their impromptu lunch, he’d found a stack of paperwork waiting for him, as well as a copy of a page from the employee handbook, the one that outlined the consequences for fraternization between colleagues.  All too well could he imagine Takeda stopping by to find him gone, and gleefully assigning the mountain of busywork as revenge – and leaving the page from the handbook as a threat.  

He’d been in no mood to humor any further suggestions from Kagome that he was unwittingly at the center of a conspiracy that evening, and for the first time in a long time, they spent it in different rooms.

The strain only worsened as the week wore on; they spent minimum amounts of time together, mostly for travel, never in leisure.  Sesshoumaru poured himself into his work, not willing to give voice to the frustration nagging at the back of his mind, inspired by the self-imposed separation.  After all, he was a loner – he could handle time away from her.  Besides, he told himself, she was the one who had withdrawn, still smarting with the knowledge that he wouldn’t just believe anything she said merely as an act of good faith.

His growing suspicion over his father’s schemes was not without its place, however – he continued to push his supervisors about his proposal to formally look into Hidecki; he was currently restricted in the amount of access he had to the little company’s records, so he couldn’t sniff out just why Taisho Enterprises was setting up to make a deal for them.  It was the sort of intrigue that plagued him, knowing the answer was just beyond his reach, just around a seemingly never-ending corner.

He was in the middle of yet another private lunchtime brainstorming session about the mysterious company one afternoon when he heard the door to his office slide open and closed.  He turned, expecting the worst, but was pleasantly surprised when he saw Kagome standing there instead, a sheaf of papers clutched to her chest as she quickly typed out a text on her phone.  She pressed ‘send’ and looked up, her lips thinning as she gazed at him.

“You wanted proof?” she said, her tone soft but firm as she advanced towards him.  She dumped the papers she held unceremoniously on his desk, on top of what he was working on.  “How’s this?”

He blinked, stunned by the flourish, before picking them up.  He silently scanned each of the pages in succession, a knot of dread first forming, and then tightening, in his abdomen as he delved deeper into the thin packet of papers.  His eyes blurred by the time he read the last of it; dimly, he became aware of the fact that his hands were shaking.

“I…” he stuttered, pushing hard against the lump in his throat, “I…don’t believe this.”

This can’t be happening, he thought incredulously.  It can’t be true.

The world was crumbling beneath him; he felt like he was in a freefall, going backwards, with absolutely no idea where – or how – he was going to land.

Inuyasha can’t be right.

And, yet, here it was:  proof positive that his father was setting the stage for his revenge, just as that jerkwad of a sibling had warned he would.

Why? he wondered, squeezing his eyes shut as his thoughts piled atop one another in rapid succession.  Why are you doing this to me, Father?  Do you truly hate me so much, or find me so undeserving?

Warm arms encircled his shoulders from behind, elbows resting lightly against his arms.  “I’m sorry, Sesshoumaru,” Kagome whispered into his hair, her breath tickling the back of his neck.  “I wanted to save you from this grief.”

He bowed his head, causing her to tighten her hold on him; for a moment, he allowed himself to indulge in this comfort that she so freely offered.  He measured it, the amount of time he let himself feel overwhelmed, and shocked, and so deeply, deeply hurt by this strange twist of fate.  

Then he steeled his spine, straightened his shoulders, and opened his eyes, new resolve shining in their golden depths.  I refuse to run from this, he determined silently.  It’s different now.  If war is his desire, then war he shall receive.

Kagome felt the change in his countenance and released the strength of her hold, though her arms lingered around his neck.  “Let me help you with this,” she murmured.  “SHK hangs in the balance, and ultimately that’s my responsibility, not yours.”

Just as he was about to respond, her phone vibrated, dancing across his desk in a silent wave.  He frowned when he caught the name of the caller, capturing the free arm still looped around his neck as she reached to answer it.  “On one condition,” he contended, waiting until he had her full attention before continuing.

She glanced back at him expectantly.  “What’s that?” she hedged, silencing the phone.

He held her gaze for a full half minute.  “That I’m the one who calls the shots.”