InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Four Seasons ❯ Winter -- Bricks are Memories ( Chapter 2 )
[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]
By: LuxKen27 
Submitted for the "Seasons Challenge" at dokuga_contest on LiveJournal.
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Romance / Psychological | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 09.22.2008 | Updated On: 09.23.2008 | Pages: 2 | Words: 2.7K | Visits: 463 | Status: Completed
Submitted for the "Seasons Challenge" at dokuga_contest on LiveJournal.
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Romance / Psychological | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 09.22.2008 | Updated On: 09.23.2008 | Pages: 2 | Words: 2.7K | Visits: 463 | Status: Completed
Disclaimer: The Inuyasha concept, storyline, and characters are copyright Rumiko Takahashi and Viz Media
Author’s Note: It is highly recommended that you listen to the songs on which these chapters are based. Links are available at the author’s notes entry for this piece on my LJ. This song (and subsequently, this chapter) cover a controversial, hot button issue, but with enormous care. It is not meant to offend – so here is your warning.
“Brick” © 1997 Ben Folds, Darren Jessee (Ben Folds Five)
Sesshoumaru couldn’t fall asleep that night. He rolled over and glanced at the glowing clock on his bedside table. 2:30 am. With a sigh, he fell back, looking up at the ceiling and despairing of catching even the slightest wisp of sleep.
In truth, he hadn’t had a good night’s sleep since before Inuyasha passed away. But, there was something about his meeting with Kagome that was absolutely relentless, keeping his thoughts and emotions wound too tightly to allow him to completely relax. He couldn’t even close his eyes, lest the remembered images assault him.
So, it appeared he was destined to lay awake all night…much as he’d done for the previous few weeks.
He felt the weight of his body sinking into the mattress as he lay there in the dark. His eyes traced the edges of the ceiling tiles. The gentle motorized twirl of the overhead fan filled his ears. He willed himself to concentrate enough to count sequentially – last night he’d made it to 2,364 before giving up, but at least it’d burned a few hours.
Sighing, he brought his hands up to rest on his chest, smoothing the sheet that rested beneath his fingertips. He’d like nothing more than to turn his mind off and get some much-needed rest. He could feel his body shutting down, preparing itself for the dark hours.
Perhaps if he just let his eyelids drift shut...maybe he could trick his mind away from the memory…
He rose before dawn, feeling as if he’d waited a lifetime – and in the same moment, as if no time had passed at all. He dressed in the dark, fumbling for his jeans, a long-sleeved black shirt, sweater, and the old blazer from his school uniform, the official seal long gone from it. He combed his fingers through his hair, tying it back and tucking it into his shirt and sweater, pulling a hat snug against his ears to hide the rest of it.
Where he was going, he didn’t want to stand out.
He eased out of his room, doing his best not to rouse the sleeping household. Outside, there was a thin layer of snow on the ground, grey and fading with age. He assumed that winter was supposed to be beautiful, with fresh blankets of snow covering everything, softening the harsh edges, lending some sense of innocence and beauty to the scene. That’s what it looked like on TV, at least.
Too bad TV wasn’t reality…
He crunched down the driveway to the sidewalk, stopping momentarily to knock the snow and ice from his boots. Luckily, they didn’t live too far from the train station; it would be a relatively short walk through the deserted streets.
He kept his eyes on the ground the entire way, allowing the cold to numb him inside as well as out. He passed through the train station unnoticed, purchasing a short-stop ticket and heading up to the platform to catch the first train of the day.
The car wasn’t much warmer, but it was a welcome respite for his feet. He learned the intricate crease patterns of his shoes during that ride, finding himself faintly amused at the way the leather settled around his feet and ankles.
Three stops down the line, he exited the train, beginning the second leg of his journey. He stepped out into the harsh weather once again, the sun shining brightly as it rose over the horizon. He scowled, looking down, pushing his hands into his pockets.
She was waiting for him, as planned. She sat at the foot of the torii gate in front of her home, curled into a ball and looking much younger than sixteen. Her head was uncovered, which he found so odd.
“Ready?” he murmured as he looked at her.
Red-rimmed eyes met his. “Yeah,” she sniffled, pushing herself up into a standing position, brushing snow from the seat of her pants.
He gave a short nod, turning to the sidewalk and heading back to the train station. She walked a step behind him, her arms curled around her stomach, her head down. They were silent for the short trip, neither having the words nor the desire to discuss it.
She shivered slightly as they stopped at the ticket machine just inside the station; he bought their tickets and led her to the platform, where they waited for their train, still silent, still standing a few feet apart.
He couldn’t believe her parents were letting her do this, by herself no less.
The train arrived then; they hustled into the car, eager for a break from the relentless cold. She sat in a window seat but stared straight ahead; he sat beside her and held her hand the whole way. It seemed the natural thing to do, offer her some bit of comfort in such a trying time.
They rode further into the city, the sun casting strange shadows on the buildings as it stayed low in the sky. He hadn’t been awake this early in the morning since he was a little kid, and it was a bit disorienting.
The train pulled into the main station with a screech, throwing them slightly forward as it halted. He glanced at her, watching as the mask of control fell over her features. He’d expected nothing less from her, and wondered if she was as numb on the inside as he was.
Their destination wasn’t far from the station. They held hands as they walked, Sesshoumaru still slightly leading the way. As they approached the small, squat building, Kagome squeezed his fingers, bringing him up short.
He eyed the door of the clinic. “Do you want me to go in with you?” he asked quietly.
She bit her bottom lip and nodded, letting her eyes fall to the ground.
Together, they crossed that threshold, the ties that bind forever entwining them.
She had to fill out some paperwork, which didn’t take long…and then, it was just more waiting. He fixed his gaze at a point on the wall near the clock, not shifting his eyes as new clients walked in or out. He continued to hold her hand, beginning to feel like maybe he was her only link to sanity as she sat there.
It was another eternity before they called her name, and he had to let her go. She gave him a watery look, and he could feel her control slipping. She’d tried her best to be strong, but she was going to crack.
That pissed him off.
Inuyasha was such a fucking prick to do this to her.
Sesshoumaru’s eyes drifted back to his point on the wall, his absolute anger at his brother finally boiling over. He’d been so ill the last few years…when he’d pulled through, and gotten stronger, they all wondered – was this it? Was he finally strong enough to live a normal life? Their father had encouraged him at every turn; his mother babied him as much as possible.
And he thrived. Soon enough, he enrolled in public school, a grade behind his age group thanks to his numerous bouts of illness. He’d become quite the popular first-year, the exact opposite of his older brother, a staid, cold character who would probably blow the rest of his senior class out of the water as soon as they graduated. Inuyasha was charismatic and outgoing, attracting people like bees to honey.
Kagome was the first girl Inuyasha really became serious about. She was a junior – one year between the brothers – a student of good academic standing who wasn’t the most social of creatures. She was pretty, but she absolutely transformed under Inuyasha’s doting gaze, blooming into someone special enough to catch even selfish, cold, arrogant Sesshoumaru’s attention.
He could see what she saw in Inuyasha, but he found her interesting in her own right. When she’d come over to visit his brother, they’d have small chats about this and that. Slowly, unconsciously, she had ingratiated herself into all of their lives, not just Inuyasha’s.
He just couldn’t leave well enough alone.
Inuyasha’s ego was just too big to be contained; one girl wasn’t enough for him. He was sneaking around behind Kagome’s back. Sesshoumaru tried to warn her – but he wasn’t the most tactful person sometimes. It would’ve gone the route of all high school romances, but for one small detail.
She got pregnant.
Inuyasha freaked the fuck out when she told him; he didn’t know how to react, so he pushed her away. As if that wasn’t bad enough, her own family turned against her, warning her that she was ruining her life and her chances, telling her what an awful mistake she’d made, but giving little guidance or support in dealing with it.
And so, somehow, it fell to him. Theirs was an honest and straightforward friendship; she’d never passed judgment on him or his actions, and he’d given her the same courtesy. He could empathize with her feelings of isolation from her family, and thus agreed to go with her when she “corrected” her “mistake.”
He didn’t know how long he sat there, waiting for her to return. He couldn’t look at the clock – watch the minutes tick away – without wondering what they were doing to her. His hands curled into fists, and he vowed…if ever he was responsible for a situation such as this, he’d act better than his stupid brother.
Finally, she shuffled back out to the waiting room, looking small and vulnerable and very, very tired. She stood before him, her eyes still downcast, her face red and puffy from crying.
He didn’t know what to say, but he felt like he had to say something, to break this awful, awkward silence that brewed between them. He stood up and opened his mouth, but didn’t get the chance to say anything before she fell against him, burying her face in the contours of his blazer, silent sobs wracking her body.
His heart broke for her – even more, if that was possible, than it had before – and all the same, a surge of protectiveness washed over him. He drew his arms around her, pulling her closer, holding her tightly, wishing he could truly take away her sorrow.
He moved toward the door, quietly guiding her back out into the cold, harsh world – but away from the prying eyes of those in the waiting room. He stood on the stoop with his back to the wind, shielding her as she continued to cry, offering her what consolation he could. As the sobs subsided, she pulled away from him slightly, brushing her fingers across her cheeks in a futile attempt to stop the tears.
“Do you want to eat something?” he asked her. “Go somewhere?”
She balled her hands into fists, catching the lapels of his blazer between her fingers. “Just take me home,” she whispered, staring straight ahead with dead eyes.
“Okay,” he agreed, pulling off his hat and pushing it low across her head before letting one of his arms settle across her shoulders. She leaned against him as they walked back to the train station, her hands still fisted at his chest.
On the ride back, she separated herself from him, orienting her body completely towards the window. He still sat next to her, his hands in his lap, casting a watchful eye over her. It was in that moment that he realized just how alone she was in the world…and that even though he sat beside her, had just gone through this with her, he felt just as alone.
They were alone, together.
The irony was bitter to the taste.
He accompanied her home, staying one step behind her as if to encourage her to keep moving forward. When they arrived at the gates of the shrine where she lived, she took a few deep breaths and wiped her cheeks yet again, looking for all the world as if she was gathering the courage to walk into her own home. His lips curled up wryly as he watched her reset the mask, relating a bit too well.
He thought to merely retrieve his hat before she forgot she was standing there with someone else. As he reached out to pluck it from her head, she threw her arms around him once again, hugging him tightly, her arms squeezing with surprising force around his waist. His heart skipped a beat, his breath hitched in surprise, but he managed to gather himself in record time, returning the embrace.
She pulled away, somewhat reluctantly, looking back to her house as she removed his hat and handed it to him.
He resisted the urge to tuck an errant lock of hair behind her ear. “Take care of yourself,” he murmured.
She nodded. “You, too,” she replied, giving him a weak smile.
“You’ll be fine,” he told her as she braced her shoulders.
“I hope you’re right,” she sighed, moving away from him. She walked with a steady stride, entering her home without hesitation.
There was nothing more for him to do, except head home as well…
He made the journey in silence, battling within himself, somehow wishing to be numb, immune to the emotional trauma. When he finally slinked into his house that night, the sun again hanging low in the sky, he found Inuyasha waiting for him.
“Is she okay?” he asked, his fear clear in his eyes.
Sesshoumaru resisted the urge to backhand him for such a stupid, insensitive question. “Yes,” he replied shortly, attempting to sidestep his brother, who was blocking the door of his bedroom.
“Did she do it?” Inuyasha asked, his voice even lower.
“Get out of my way, mutt,” Sesshoumaru growled, pushing his brother to the side and slamming the door in his face.
Author’s Note: It is highly recommended that you listen to the songs on which these chapters are based. Links are available at the author’s notes entry for this piece on my LJ. This song (and subsequently, this chapter) cover a controversial, hot button issue, but with enormous care. It is not meant to offend – so here is your warning.
“Brick” © 1997 Ben Folds, Darren Jessee (Ben Folds Five)
Sesshoumaru couldn’t fall asleep that night. He rolled over and glanced at the glowing clock on his bedside table. 2:30 am. With a sigh, he fell back, looking up at the ceiling and despairing of catching even the slightest wisp of sleep.
In truth, he hadn’t had a good night’s sleep since before Inuyasha passed away. But, there was something about his meeting with Kagome that was absolutely relentless, keeping his thoughts and emotions wound too tightly to allow him to completely relax. He couldn’t even close his eyes, lest the remembered images assault him.
So, it appeared he was destined to lay awake all night…much as he’d done for the previous few weeks.
He felt the weight of his body sinking into the mattress as he lay there in the dark. His eyes traced the edges of the ceiling tiles. The gentle motorized twirl of the overhead fan filled his ears. He willed himself to concentrate enough to count sequentially – last night he’d made it to 2,364 before giving up, but at least it’d burned a few hours.
Sighing, he brought his hands up to rest on his chest, smoothing the sheet that rested beneath his fingertips. He’d like nothing more than to turn his mind off and get some much-needed rest. He could feel his body shutting down, preparing itself for the dark hours.
Perhaps if he just let his eyelids drift shut...maybe he could trick his mind away from the memory…
~*~
He had lain like this before, completely awake, his nerves on end. Eight years ago, he had gone to bed on Christmas day, counting the short hours he’d have to stay there until stealthily sneaking out to complete his mission. It had been so cold that night…he’d taken two extra blankets to bed, but it seemed the chill had soaked through him completely.He rose before dawn, feeling as if he’d waited a lifetime – and in the same moment, as if no time had passed at all. He dressed in the dark, fumbling for his jeans, a long-sleeved black shirt, sweater, and the old blazer from his school uniform, the official seal long gone from it. He combed his fingers through his hair, tying it back and tucking it into his shirt and sweater, pulling a hat snug against his ears to hide the rest of it.
Where he was going, he didn’t want to stand out.
He eased out of his room, doing his best not to rouse the sleeping household. Outside, there was a thin layer of snow on the ground, grey and fading with age. He assumed that winter was supposed to be beautiful, with fresh blankets of snow covering everything, softening the harsh edges, lending some sense of innocence and beauty to the scene. That’s what it looked like on TV, at least.
Too bad TV wasn’t reality…
He crunched down the driveway to the sidewalk, stopping momentarily to knock the snow and ice from his boots. Luckily, they didn’t live too far from the train station; it would be a relatively short walk through the deserted streets.
He kept his eyes on the ground the entire way, allowing the cold to numb him inside as well as out. He passed through the train station unnoticed, purchasing a short-stop ticket and heading up to the platform to catch the first train of the day.
The car wasn’t much warmer, but it was a welcome respite for his feet. He learned the intricate crease patterns of his shoes during that ride, finding himself faintly amused at the way the leather settled around his feet and ankles.
Three stops down the line, he exited the train, beginning the second leg of his journey. He stepped out into the harsh weather once again, the sun shining brightly as it rose over the horizon. He scowled, looking down, pushing his hands into his pockets.
She was waiting for him, as planned. She sat at the foot of the torii gate in front of her home, curled into a ball and looking much younger than sixteen. Her head was uncovered, which he found so odd.
“Ready?” he murmured as he looked at her.
Red-rimmed eyes met his. “Yeah,” she sniffled, pushing herself up into a standing position, brushing snow from the seat of her pants.
He gave a short nod, turning to the sidewalk and heading back to the train station. She walked a step behind him, her arms curled around her stomach, her head down. They were silent for the short trip, neither having the words nor the desire to discuss it.
She shivered slightly as they stopped at the ticket machine just inside the station; he bought their tickets and led her to the platform, where they waited for their train, still silent, still standing a few feet apart.
He couldn’t believe her parents were letting her do this, by herself no less.
The train arrived then; they hustled into the car, eager for a break from the relentless cold. She sat in a window seat but stared straight ahead; he sat beside her and held her hand the whole way. It seemed the natural thing to do, offer her some bit of comfort in such a trying time.
They rode further into the city, the sun casting strange shadows on the buildings as it stayed low in the sky. He hadn’t been awake this early in the morning since he was a little kid, and it was a bit disorienting.
The train pulled into the main station with a screech, throwing them slightly forward as it halted. He glanced at her, watching as the mask of control fell over her features. He’d expected nothing less from her, and wondered if she was as numb on the inside as he was.
Their destination wasn’t far from the station. They held hands as they walked, Sesshoumaru still slightly leading the way. As they approached the small, squat building, Kagome squeezed his fingers, bringing him up short.
He eyed the door of the clinic. “Do you want me to go in with you?” he asked quietly.
She bit her bottom lip and nodded, letting her eyes fall to the ground.
Together, they crossed that threshold, the ties that bind forever entwining them.
She had to fill out some paperwork, which didn’t take long…and then, it was just more waiting. He fixed his gaze at a point on the wall near the clock, not shifting his eyes as new clients walked in or out. He continued to hold her hand, beginning to feel like maybe he was her only link to sanity as she sat there.
It was another eternity before they called her name, and he had to let her go. She gave him a watery look, and he could feel her control slipping. She’d tried her best to be strong, but she was going to crack.
That pissed him off.
Inuyasha was such a fucking prick to do this to her.
Sesshoumaru’s eyes drifted back to his point on the wall, his absolute anger at his brother finally boiling over. He’d been so ill the last few years…when he’d pulled through, and gotten stronger, they all wondered – was this it? Was he finally strong enough to live a normal life? Their father had encouraged him at every turn; his mother babied him as much as possible.
And he thrived. Soon enough, he enrolled in public school, a grade behind his age group thanks to his numerous bouts of illness. He’d become quite the popular first-year, the exact opposite of his older brother, a staid, cold character who would probably blow the rest of his senior class out of the water as soon as they graduated. Inuyasha was charismatic and outgoing, attracting people like bees to honey.
Kagome was the first girl Inuyasha really became serious about. She was a junior – one year between the brothers – a student of good academic standing who wasn’t the most social of creatures. She was pretty, but she absolutely transformed under Inuyasha’s doting gaze, blooming into someone special enough to catch even selfish, cold, arrogant Sesshoumaru’s attention.
He could see what she saw in Inuyasha, but he found her interesting in her own right. When she’d come over to visit his brother, they’d have small chats about this and that. Slowly, unconsciously, she had ingratiated herself into all of their lives, not just Inuyasha’s.
He just couldn’t leave well enough alone.
Inuyasha’s ego was just too big to be contained; one girl wasn’t enough for him. He was sneaking around behind Kagome’s back. Sesshoumaru tried to warn her – but he wasn’t the most tactful person sometimes. It would’ve gone the route of all high school romances, but for one small detail.
She got pregnant.
Inuyasha freaked the fuck out when she told him; he didn’t know how to react, so he pushed her away. As if that wasn’t bad enough, her own family turned against her, warning her that she was ruining her life and her chances, telling her what an awful mistake she’d made, but giving little guidance or support in dealing with it.
And so, somehow, it fell to him. Theirs was an honest and straightforward friendship; she’d never passed judgment on him or his actions, and he’d given her the same courtesy. He could empathize with her feelings of isolation from her family, and thus agreed to go with her when she “corrected” her “mistake.”
He didn’t know how long he sat there, waiting for her to return. He couldn’t look at the clock – watch the minutes tick away – without wondering what they were doing to her. His hands curled into fists, and he vowed…if ever he was responsible for a situation such as this, he’d act better than his stupid brother.
Finally, she shuffled back out to the waiting room, looking small and vulnerable and very, very tired. She stood before him, her eyes still downcast, her face red and puffy from crying.
He didn’t know what to say, but he felt like he had to say something, to break this awful, awkward silence that brewed between them. He stood up and opened his mouth, but didn’t get the chance to say anything before she fell against him, burying her face in the contours of his blazer, silent sobs wracking her body.
His heart broke for her – even more, if that was possible, than it had before – and all the same, a surge of protectiveness washed over him. He drew his arms around her, pulling her closer, holding her tightly, wishing he could truly take away her sorrow.
He moved toward the door, quietly guiding her back out into the cold, harsh world – but away from the prying eyes of those in the waiting room. He stood on the stoop with his back to the wind, shielding her as she continued to cry, offering her what consolation he could. As the sobs subsided, she pulled away from him slightly, brushing her fingers across her cheeks in a futile attempt to stop the tears.
“Do you want to eat something?” he asked her. “Go somewhere?”
She balled her hands into fists, catching the lapels of his blazer between her fingers. “Just take me home,” she whispered, staring straight ahead with dead eyes.
“Okay,” he agreed, pulling off his hat and pushing it low across her head before letting one of his arms settle across her shoulders. She leaned against him as they walked back to the train station, her hands still fisted at his chest.
On the ride back, she separated herself from him, orienting her body completely towards the window. He still sat next to her, his hands in his lap, casting a watchful eye over her. It was in that moment that he realized just how alone she was in the world…and that even though he sat beside her, had just gone through this with her, he felt just as alone.
They were alone, together.
The irony was bitter to the taste.
He accompanied her home, staying one step behind her as if to encourage her to keep moving forward. When they arrived at the gates of the shrine where she lived, she took a few deep breaths and wiped her cheeks yet again, looking for all the world as if she was gathering the courage to walk into her own home. His lips curled up wryly as he watched her reset the mask, relating a bit too well.
He thought to merely retrieve his hat before she forgot she was standing there with someone else. As he reached out to pluck it from her head, she threw her arms around him once again, hugging him tightly, her arms squeezing with surprising force around his waist. His heart skipped a beat, his breath hitched in surprise, but he managed to gather himself in record time, returning the embrace.
She pulled away, somewhat reluctantly, looking back to her house as she removed his hat and handed it to him.
He resisted the urge to tuck an errant lock of hair behind her ear. “Take care of yourself,” he murmured.
She nodded. “You, too,” she replied, giving him a weak smile.
“You’ll be fine,” he told her as she braced her shoulders.
“I hope you’re right,” she sighed, moving away from him. She walked with a steady stride, entering her home without hesitation.
There was nothing more for him to do, except head home as well…
He made the journey in silence, battling within himself, somehow wishing to be numb, immune to the emotional trauma. When he finally slinked into his house that night, the sun again hanging low in the sky, he found Inuyasha waiting for him.
“Is she okay?” he asked, his fear clear in his eyes.
Sesshoumaru resisted the urge to backhand him for such a stupid, insensitive question. “Yes,” he replied shortly, attempting to sidestep his brother, who was blocking the door of his bedroom.
“Did she do it?” Inuyasha asked, his voice even lower.
“Get out of my way, mutt,” Sesshoumaru growled, pushing his brother to the side and slamming the door in his face.