InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Handicapable Sesshoumaru ❯ Handicapable Sesshoumaru ( Prologue )

Hey, this is Dexter's Sister Again with completely insane idea that just had to leave my head. I don't expect any reviews for this since it is meant as a one shot, but if you feel the need to do so, don't let me stop you. It may have a sequel, but I'm not too sure about that.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything having to do with Inu Yasha. It sometimes makes me sad to think about it.

Note: This is not meant to offend in any manner, it is only meant to entertain.

Handicapable Sesshoumaru

Era: Modern Day

Event: Convention for the Handicap Able of America

Time: 10:57 A.M.

"Everyone please quiet down, we need to begin." A plump blonde woman attempted to hush the crowded room. "Today we have a special treat for all of you, a businessman from Japan who has been blessed enough to also be handicap able, Mr. Sesshou Maru." The room clapped and a pale man lead by a deformed midget staggered onto the stage. His small attendant placed him next to the podium before climbing to the microphone himself. Sesshoumaru swayed uncertainly in the spot that he was placed.

"Hello, my name is Jaken, and I am Lord Sessho....I mean Mr. Maru's translator and representative." Sesshoumaru turned and glared menacingly at the little man. A low growl began to emit from his throat. Jaken looked uneasy, but continued with what he was saying. "Mr. Maru has asked me to begin by telling you he is absolutely thrilled to be here, and that everyone here can easily become as successful as he if they only try." Sesshoumaru leaned unsteadily towards Jaken as if he were analyzing him.

"Get the fuck out of my way you biology class reject. I've known how to fucking speak English for over two hundred fucking years, and I'm pretty sure this group isn't buying your shit." With that he grabbed Jaken and threw him into the crowd. His words had been slurred, and the entire first row could do nothing but hold their breath to keep from gagging on the smell of whiskey. "Everyone. I have lived for hundreds of years, and I must tell you that the pain never goes away." The blonde woman had called security to the stage, but the constant glares from the crazed speaker made them nervous. He continued on with his ranting. "The worst time had to be the nineteen eighties, people always calling me names they deemed clever and original, but they weren't." The volume of his voice rose and fell in odd places. "Names like gimp, crippy, stumps, and lefty. The ones that have bothered me the most has come to my attention more recently, but apparently many people out there like to call me 'fluffy' or 'tripod'. I do not appreciate you doing this. That is why I made some new friends." He stiffened a moment then looked under the podium. "I'm sorry, I enjoyed the fact that you were there, but at this point it is just annoying." Out from the podium came a scantily clad red head in high heels. She gave him a seductive look.

"Sorry, Shesshy baby, I just wanted to return the favor for last night." She leaned back in to get her purse and sashayed off of the stage. The guards were about to go in, but Jaken stood in their way.

"If I were you, I'd let him finish. He's a mean drunk, and as you can see he enjoys hearing himself talk." The dumbfounded guards took the little man's advice, and allowed this to continue.

"As I was saying I made new friends: Jimmy, Jack, Sam, and Jose." At each of their names he placed a bottle in front of himself, that he pulled out of his robes.

"Um excuse me." A meek voice peeped from within the podium. Sesshoumaru backed up and two more hookers....cough...I mean scantily clad ladies removed themselves from under the podium. One was blonde, the other brunette. "Sorry, I kinda fell asleep." The blonde giggled.

"Yeah, and her fat ass was holding me down." The brunette fumed as the other girl tugged on a rope and a donkey stepped out of the podium. ( They did not do a thing to the donkey, he is just a cameo form another fic.)

"I apologize ladies, I had forgotten how many of you there were last night. Help your selves." He motioned towards the liquor bottles and each took two.

"Thanks cutie, see you later."

"Yeah, thanks hon." With that they all trotted off the stage.

"And apparently, I have made several that I was not aware of, but my point is people, when you have money you can get away with all the shit you want." He threw out his arm to emphasize his point and from his sleeve flew several lighters, spoons, syringes, and glass tubes.

"So, everyone, with that thought in your heads, I shall now take my leave." He then stumbled to the back stage area.

The sight he came upon was amazing. Jaken had used his staff to knock the entire stage crew, the security force, and the blonde woman into unconsciousness.

"Well, Lord Sesshoumaru, I suggest we remove ourselves from this place before they endanger themselves, and attempt to arrest you." Sesshoumaru dusted off his robes and headed out of the exit. "That was quite convincing by the way, I almost believed it myself." His master gave him a questioning look.

"Come now Jaken, you know that it will take more than six bottles of human alcohol to affect me. Hell, one shot of my homemade sake is a million times more potent."

"You have a point master. Do you think after all of that they will finally stop asking you to make those ridiculous speeches?"

"I hope so, I would fell like a hypocrite if I kept that up considering." With that he adjusted himself, and pushed his fully formed left arm through the sleeve of his robe.

The End........ I mean it.........how could it not be finished? Well, it is.

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A/N: Yes, that donkey was Miroku's from the Midoriko fic.