InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Incomplete ❯ Chapter 22 ( Chapter 22 )

The stables were filled with the comforting scents of old wood and fresh cut grass. Ah-Un feasted on a trough of the latter while Kagome took her time polishing his scaly hide. This was the one place she could be alone with her thoughts, away from prying eyes and prodding whispers. It was here that she spent hours trying to figure out how best to untangle herself from the mess that he'd left her in.

Sesshomaru had resumed his favourite past time of pretending she didn't exist while she did her best to find any single logical reason why he'd kissed her in the first place. It wasn't like he'd shown any interest in her before that moment. He barely tolerated her at the best of times and completely ignored her at others. The few times they had spoken, their words hadn't exactly been cordial either.

“I just don't get it,” she muttered. Her hand had long since stopped polishing and now draped lazily across Ah-Un's back. The twin heads turned to look at her, confusion registering in their blinking eyes.

“Is he always this impossible to figure out?”

One of the heads, the one she thought was Un, snorted decidedly. She blew her bangs out of her eyes and threw up her hands.

“One minute he hates me and the next he's...”

Saving my life.

Right. She couldn't exactly forget that part.

She told herself sternly that she couldn't fall for him. It was ridiculous to even consider it! He was impossible, frustrating, patronizing and obtuse. Spending any more time with him than necessary would be like beating her head against a brick wall - painful and fruitless.

But she couldn't forget the immense feeling of relief that'd flooded through her when she opened her eyes and realized that it was him who'd rescued her from Yakata's attack. She'd felt safe in his arms. Even delirious from blood loss, she'd known with absolute certainty that he wouldn't let anything happen to her. He'd saved her life that night and kept her around for reasons she still didn't know or understand.

And in the onsen...

Her lips tingled and burned with the memory of the heat of his mouth on hers. Her heart had raced then much like it was racing now, until it felt like it was going to fly right out of her chest. The difference between Sesshomaru's kiss and Inuyasha's... They weren't even comparable in her mind. Embarrassed, she blushed at the memory of her moans and the way she'd desperately clawed at him begging for more.

No wonder he'd run out of there so fast.

Maybe it was time to leave before things got messy and complicated. She'd had enough of that with Inuyasha and wasn't ready to handle a second dose. Maybe it was time she went back to the others and joined their search for the jewel shards. Or maybe she just needed to go home to her own time for a while...

Unfortunately none of those options really appealed to her. Each one left her feeling like a coward who was running away from her problems instead of facing them head on. She'd run away from Inuyasha when things got hard, now she wanted to run away from Sesshomaru too? And all because of one kiss?

She was still chewing over her thoughts when the demon who took care of the stables arrived to give Ah-Un their proper polish and dinner. She quickly got out of his way so he could get to work. It wasn't until she was half way to the door that a thought struck her. Turning back to him she asked,

“Has Sesshomaru returned?”

He looked at her curiously, his hands never stopping their sure movements with the brush across Ah-Un's scaled neck.

“His Lordship returned earlier this afternoon.”

She nodded her thanks and made her way back to the palace. It was the first time he'd been back to the palace in a week. If she was going to talk to him, it was now or never.

“Might as well settle this tonight,” she muttered, and picked up her pace.

oOo

It was a slow walk down the hall to his private quarters and her wooden geta clacked loudly with every step. She was certain there was some graceful, less noisy way to walk in them, but such knowledge evaded her completely.

It wasn't long before she found herself standing outside the door to his quarters, feeling completely unsure of herself. Sucking in a big breath for courage she bravely knocked on his door and slowly slid it open.

Sesshomaru was inside, looking perfectly himself kneeling at a low table with an array of maps and a tea set laid out in front of him. She swallowed away the sudden dryness in her throat and removed her troublesome shoes at the door.

He greeted her with the sort of look that said he wasn't overly pleased by her sudden appearance and her stomach responded with a flip, or two. Even while looking annoyed he was breathtakingly beautiful. It didn't seem fair. How could any woman not feel inadequate standing next to him?

Remembering the way she'd clung to him in the onsen an embarrassed flush quickly coloured her cheeks and she averted her gaze to the richly woven carpet beneath her feet.

“Is there a reason you are here?” he intoned, diverting his attention to his maps.

Feeling slighted that he was already brushing her off she blurted out, “Sesshomaru, we need to talk.”

With a lift of his eyebrow he slowly looked up from his maps and gestured for her to join him at the table. With a quiet huff of satisfaction, she crossed the room and knelt down at the table next to him.

“Tea?” he asked with a glance at the pot.

“Yes, thank you.”

It was a long moment before she realized that he had no intention of serving her and she'd have to pour the tea herself.

“Typical,” she muttered under her breath.

By the time she was done he'd already gone back to studying his maps. Why was he acting so much like, well, himself? It was enough to drive her crazy. Where was the Sesshomaru she'd spoken with only ten days ago? Where was the man who'd kissed her so passionately in the onsen he stole her breath away? Couldn't he just pick a personality and stick with it?

Frowning, she took a long sip of tea to clear her throat before loudly setting her cup down on the table. It didn't catch his attention the way she'd hoped. He continued on as though she weren't even there.

“Are you always this rude to your guests? You could at least pay attention to me while I talk.”

One corner of his mouth lifted in what could have been a wry smile.

“You haven't said anything of importance.”

Her mouth hung open, at a loss for words.

“I... You...”

“You aren't making any progress,” he chided, taking a calm sip of his tea.

If she didn't know better she'd think he was teasing her. Eventually he sat back with his cup in hand and studied her for the first time since she'd walked through the door.

“I trust you are healing well?”

She glanced down in reflex at her scarred arms, hidden beneath the silken sleeves of her kimono. Her arms were healing, if a little slower than she would've liked. It was the rest of her that was the problem. The nightmares that'd plagued her dreams at night weren't exactly a picnic, and feeling like she had to constantly be looking over her shoulder made staying in the palace less than enjoyable.

“I'm fine,” she lied, hiding her anxiety behind a smile.

His stern expression suggested he wasn't buying her performance.

“Yakata and the others have been dealt with,” he reassured her. She watched as he contemplated his cup, rolling it slowly back and forth between his hands.

“Do you think...?” she began, and then hesitated. Did she really want to know the truth?

“Will they come after you again?” he ventured. “Perhaps. War is brewing along the northern border and it has made them uneasy. They are eager to find a hasty solution and a miko makes for an easy scapegoat.”

“So... What do we do?” she asked, shifting her weight nervously to her other leg.

He seemed to consider her words a moment, then slowly set his cup down in front of him.

“Negotiate.”

She'd heard the servant's gossip and his advisors' whispers - they were out for blood. If everyone wanted war or her head on a spit, what hope did he have to change their minds?

“And if that doesn't work?” she prodded, tentatively.

He made her wait while he took his time pouring himself another cup of tea.

“It is not your concern.”

She glared at him while her anger and frustration slowly boiled over. Shoving back her sleeve she held her arm in front of him, revealing the angry red scar that sliced through her white skin up the length of her forearm.

“I was the one they tried to kill. That makes it my concern.”

He snatched her arm up by the wrist and held it between them, averting his eyes from her ugly scars. With his gaze trained so closely on her she could see the faint glimmer of annoyance shining in its golden depths.

“Your reminders are unnecessary. The problem has been dealt with.”

“Has it? You said yourself that you can't be certain they won't try again. I'm not safe here.”

“You dare to question my ability to protect those under my care?”

If Sesshomaru was anything, he was proud. Taking shots at his ego wasn't going to turn out well, but frankly she didn't care. It was his pride that'd gotten her into this mess in the first place. Because of his pride she'd almost wound up dead. Pulling her arm from his grasp she held his gaze and answered confidently,

“Yes.”

His lip lifted in a silent snarl and he moved away, putting some much needed distance between them.

“You try my patience, woman.”

With a scoff, she pushed herself to her feet and stared down at his unmoving form.

“That's what I came here to talk to you about. I've decided to leave - for good.”

“Don't be foolish,” he chided with a derisive glance in her direction.

“It's more foolish to stay where I'm not wanted,” she shot back with her chin held high.

Squaring her shoulders, she turned for the door in a huff intent on packing and leaving that night. Her anger was welcome for a change. It kept her focused on something other than her quiet regrets that things hadn't turned out better between them and the lonely realization that once she left here she had nowhere left to go but home.

The touch of a cool hand around her wrist froze her feet in place. He held her fast, but not so tight that she couldn't break free if she wanted to. She didn't realize until she turned back to him that it wasn't his hand that had stopped her in her tracks. It was the sound of her name on his lips, a word that so rarely crossed them, and it stunned her into silence.

He was still kneeling at the table, only the maps and tea were now long forgotten. His attention was focused solely on her and she felt her stomach twist in queasy knots.

“Stay.”

It wasn't a demand, but he wasn't begging either. Sesshomaru never begged for anything. It seemed clear though that he was giving her a choice. Slowly, her legs folded under her until she was once more kneeling next to him. She studied the hard set of his features and the tension in his jaw before giving him an uncertain look.

“What now?”

They still hadn't talked about what'd happened between them at the onsen and judging by the mood he was in tonight she wasn't sure if it was even worth bringing up. He seemed more than willing to pretend it'd never happened.

Maybe she should do the same? Maybe it really had been a mistake, just a momentary lapse in judgement and control?

Only, it hadn't felt that way to her. It wasn't so easy to forget how he'd made her heart hammer in her chest. Maybe it was impossible, even. Maybe she was just setting herself up for heartbreak all over again. Maybe she didn't care.

Meeting his amber hued gaze she considered it for a long while before breaking it to pour them both some more tea.

I was wrong, she realized as she watched him over her teacup. I'm already too far in it to get out unscathed now.

And the strange thing was, for once she didn't seem to mind.