InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Mine to Give ❯ Mine to Give ( Chapter 1 )

Just something that got stuck in my head between all the recent activities in the manga. I think it's a oneshot, who knows I might come play with it later? Spoilers: Occurs sometime after when Kagura gives Sesshoumaru the youki crystals. Yes, I know they don't touch then and that she leaves the stones on the ground, but this is fiction. Oh well.

Eien ni Nakunatta Shunkan Status: next chapter will be up soon. I promise, just a few more corrections to make. All hell is breaking lose in the stupid little world of my story, so I need to be careful. Besides, this summer work schedule is kicking my bum!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Mine to Give

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I'm going to tell you a story.

Not a very long one, I can promise you that much. I've never been one for drawn-out tales. Especially not now, when I'm out of time and my very life is spinning towards its unavoidable, violent end, even despite my best efforts to hang on and regain control.

So I'll keep it short, I've always been too damn impatient for wordy explanations anyway. (Perhaps you have already noticed?) I'm as reluctant to bore you with the tedious, inconsequential details of my life as you are no doubt reluctant to hear them --- and ---

And, in the end, you would probably not believe any of my words in the least. Can't say I particularly blame you. My days have been full of lies, treachery and deceit.

I am a villain, after-all.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

From her vantage point at the edge of a silent forest, Kagura stared into the distance with a sour expression. She wasn't focused on anything in particular, really. The sun had set long ago, and the distant mountains were nothing more than dark shadows. The moon was somewhat veiled by thin, shifting clouds and the patterned rice fields below shimmered softly, reflecting the starlight back at the night sky.

But the natural beauty of the landscape didn't really impress her in the slightest.

She didn't come up here for the view. In fact, she didn't come up here to see anything at all. She came up here to feel ---

The corners of her lips quirked upward and her ruby eyes fluttered closed as a cool night breeze stirred to set the long grasses and saplings swaying lightly all about her. The gentle wind brushed against her cheek in a soothing caress before moving on and fading further into the sinister depths of the woods.

The demoness released a regretful sigh. As if in answer to the nature's deliberate, teasing call, she allowed a small current of her own power to build. With a wistful smile, she shifted her youki to set the dead leaves at her bare feet scattering wildly. She watched sadly as the bright, fallen foliage went swirling and dancing into the night air, disappearing to follow in the wind's restless wake.

The wind. Someday, she would be like that herself --- free. Free to choose her own path, free to follow the course of her own desires.

With a soft, strangled moan, she leaned to support herself on the twisted trunk of an old cypress tree, her fingernails digging into the rough bark in anger. She was fooling herself again --- she would never escape.

Kagura heaved another sigh, this time strictly out of pure frustration. She turned back to regard the empty horizon, and, once more, silently contemplated the tangled web in which she was ensnared ---

How long would this nightmare continue? How long would she remain slave to Naraku? What did she do to deserve such an unjust, cruel fate? When would she be ---

"You will never be free," she stated aloud with absolute finality.

Naraku's final triumph was too close at hand. After all, how many Shikon no Kakera remained free from his covetous grasp?

Three? No --- four. And it was only a matter of time before he secured them as well.

Then what further need would he have for her, his most wayward and willful servant? Naraku would reabsorb her powers, pull her back into his flesh and she --- she would be no more.

The wind-witch sunk down into the cool grass, her thoughts inevitably trailing to focus on her master's enemies. Those motley, self-righteous misfits left her with no hope either. Her salvation would not come about even on the odd chance that they were to emerge victorious.

For even if that pathetic hanyou WAS to miraculously defeat her master, Naraku's last act would probably be to crush her heart anyway --- if only out of sheer spite.

Not that it would ever come to that point, she decided wryly, repeatedly flicking her fan open and closed. Doubtlessly, her life would be over long before Inuyasha had any chance of facing her master in some final, heated duel! There was NO way Naraku would do his OWN fighting unless ALL his incarnations were broken or dead. Herself included, she realized sullenly. She may be many things, but she was no fool.

Kagura closed the fan one last time, and tapped it on her palm in annoyance. Yes, her future prospects were undeniably grim.

She did not completely doubt herself, however. She WAS strong; Naraku had indeed gifted her with formidable powers. But she was only strong enough to serve his self-seeking needs. She COULD challenge him --- hell, in the beginning, before she had become too jaded, how eagerly she had tried!! She soon discovered that she had nowhere near the level of strength it would take to bring him down. Yes, she could challenge him, but she could not defeat him.

Kagura cursed again and rolled onto her stomach, burying her face in her hands. She was --- she --- was trapped --- helpless. But why? Why did it have to be this way? If that evil bastard wanted another mere slave, why did he have to curse her with free will and an independent spirit? Why give her the wind and then never let her truly be a part of it?

Because, she gritted in her mind. Because besides his dark heart, Naraku possessed an even darker sense of humor and irony. He enjoyed seeing her suffer under his cruelty. That wicked creature thrived on the misery of others, and savored the despair of his enemies AND his minions alike. He took delight in anguish and pain the same way all those feeble human warlords seemed to find their joy in treasure, riches, or fine wine ---

Yes. Only death would free her now. A death that would come full of regrets and laced with sorrow as she wished for --- wished for ---

A cold, noble face suddenly filled her mind.

"Sesshoumaru," she murmured, inhaling deeply.

Another breeze stirred through the night air and the rush of it along her skin scattered her thoughts, evoking memories of the day she had surrendered the youki crystals into the care of that beautiful, haughty demon lord. How she had carefully laid the shards on the ground, as he pretended not to be intrigued with the tremendous gift she was offering. How he had stood there as if etched in stone, frozen and unmoving until she had grown impatient and made to snatch the crystals away.

Only then did he slowly reach out, finally taking the glowing stones into his hand. How full of hope she had been --- full of hope that he would use its power to find Naraku's true heart and bring about his ruin.

For one brief moment, their hands had touched and in that simple brush of warm skin against skin, she had lost all her other cares and doubts. At that moment, it didn't matter that this latest betrayal would most assuredly bring about her instant death. The only thing that mattered had been his expression and that look in his eyes. His bored mask had vanished, giving way in slight surprise, to become a look of carefully guarded gratitude. But regardless of what it had become in the end, it disappeared just as quickly. The strange, new expression was gone in an instant, before she could really be sure if it had been there at all.

Maybe it was only a figment of her imagination to begin with.

She pounded her fist into the soft earth. All these weeks later to still be caught in the aching memories of a single, accidental touch --- how could anything so fleeting be so pervasive, so firmly rooted, in her mind?

And just when the hell did she become so damn sentimental? Or had she really been this way all along? She found she couldn't decide.

Cursing her own foolishness, Kagura sat up and rose fluidly back to her feet. She brushed the dry leaves and stubborn yellow grass from her kimono, dimly wondering what her next appointed task would be. She couldn't help but notice that her assignments were becoming increasingly impossible, as if the true objective of her mission was to accidentally get herself killed, thus sparing Naraku the aggravation of having to deal with her himself.

The demoness swallowed hard, not quite ready to return to her master or her equally treacherous comrades. She moved into the center of the clearing, and stared at the waxing moon, admiring its beauty.

Who cared for the sun anyway? she mused. She had become accustomed to living in the dark. Most of her master's foul schemes and secrets depended on the shadows of night, in fact.

In the dark her eyes were hidden --- all of her new confusing feelings were easier to disguise. And, besides, the moon --- the moon reminded her of someone.

Kagura was surprised as a sudden tear managed to slip down her white cheek. "Ha," she laughed aloud to herself. "The heartless little viper can show some emotion! Wouldn't they all be surprised?!"

As she reached up to swipe the embarrassing tears away with her sleeve, the wind-witch was suddenly struck with the sensation that she was being watched. She glanced around warily, her heightened senses screaming that another youkai was steadily approaching. She sent out a new thread of power to re-assert her own presence, but the intruder paid no heed to the warning and moved closer still.

Kagura pursed her lips in agitation. Whatever. Let it come. What did it really matter if someone was spying anyway? Her movements and schemes were always being observed ---

She was not going to allow herself to be intimidated in the slightest. With a snort of irritation, she insolently chose to remain staring at the sky.

Let this fool venture closer, if it dared. At the moment, her mood was dark enough that she welcomed the prospect of a skirmish. In battle, at least she could find temporary release from her own anguish by the promise of delivering pain to another. Why, if this disruptive demon was stupid enough to attack her ---

It was in that moment that all her raging thoughts died, leaving her gasping in sudden astonishment.

The youkai who so rudely sought to disrupt her solitary brooding had finally come close enough for her to identify. She felt a familiar swirl of youki and, even without turning, recognized the owner of all that power in one single instant ---

Willing herself to keep from flinching, Kagura whirled around to confront the very creature that had been invading her thoughts so persistently of late. She beheld the soft glow of moonlight reflecting off yards of white silk, soft ivory fur and gleaming armor. She took in that hard warrior's body --- his left arm was gone, his long sleeve billowing and empty. Despite being maimed by battle he was --- he was perfect in her eyes none-the-less. She raised her glance once more, finally seeking to take in the cold features of that painfully handsome, faultless face. The very same face she had been recalling not more then a few minutes ago and the very last person she needed to see in her weakness and depression --- it wasn't fair ---

"Sesshoumaru," she spat, effectively burying all emotion with her scathing, derisive tone. She felt her blood pool in her cheeks and turned back to glower at the horizon again, mostly seeking to hide her mortifying blush. The demoness hurriedly fought to regain her composure, firing out with bitter words the very second she trusted herself to speak again. "What the hell are you doing here? Go away."

She DID believe in the direct approach when it came to confrontation, after all --- and especially when it came to THIS intriguing man.

He did not answer her, but stood very still, as if rooted on the spot. And it became apparent as the long minutes dragged that ---

That he was not leaving.

Kagura swore under her breath, wondering just what the hell the annoyingly silent demon was doing at the current moment. She was too stubborn to turn around however. Under no circumstances did she wish to give this arrogant bastard the satisfaction of knowing he had aroused her curiosity --- yet AGAIN. She managed a quick, surreptitious glance from the corner of her eye, confirming that Sesshoumaru was still staring back at her ---

Staring right down his perfect nose as if he thought she was some particularly foul and nasty form of vermin!

Kagura's chest constricted painfully, her emotions gnawing at her, as she tried her best to ignore that conceited look. It didn't matter --- any thoughts or opinions Sesshoumaru held concerning her were most likely correct. Afterall, what was she, but some jumbled mass of youkai scum that Naraku had reformed and given life to on an egotistical, selfish whim?

Despite her promise to remain calm, her patience evaporated rather quickly however. "What do YOU want?" she yelled, completely unable to endure his silent scrutiny any longer.

The demon lord spoke for the first time, his words flowing in that deep, even --- and infuriatingly calm --- timbre.

"Control your temper --- if you can," he answered. "There is no need for ranting, no need for pointless words. This Sesshoumaru will have silence."

The taiyoukai's gaze lifted from her face to focus on the pale moon, apparently as engaged with the view as she had been a mere moment before.

"And idle chatter is about as useful as trying to catch the wind," he stated flatly at the sky in afterthought.

The demoness was thunderstruck and rendered speechless --- but only for the space of one breath.

"Silence!?! You interrupt MY peace then order ME to be quiet?" Kagura fumed angrily, the fingers of one hand fisting to crush the fabric of her billowing sleeve, while the knuckles of her other leeched to a bloodless white as her grip tightened painfully about her fan. Why, what right did HE have to order her around! She was here first! And CATCH the wind? Had that smug bastard just thrown out some thinly veiled jeer about the scope of her powers?

Kagura fixed him her best scornful look, her scarlet eyes aflame with heated malice.

"Idle chatter, huh?" she echoed in challenge. "That's rich coming from you! I should think you would be used to it! Afterall, where IS your noisy, simpering little entourage tonight anyway, my lord?"

She saw him draw in a deep breath, and could instinctively tell he was trying to reign in his own impatience and anger as well. Good, she thought, not even trying to disguise her self-satisfied expression, it serves him right.

She could feel his power build, yet, surprisingly, he did nothing in retaliation. He moved to stand a little distance away from her, his hand on his hip, his head thrown back watching the clouds gather. After a moment of silence, his next words finally rang out, and they --- they embarrassed her to the very core of her being.

"This Sesshoumaru did not bring them because he did not believe you should like them to witness your tears. You were --- you are --- crying?" he asked blandly, peering over his shoulder.

Kagura stiffened as if slapped. "Crying?! Why you --- I told you to go away! Now if you don't leave at once --- I will --- I will --- "

She casually flicked her wrist and her fan snapped open --- an obvious indication that any pleasantries were over.

The taiyoukai barked out a quick laugh at her actions and his elegant, dark eyebrows vanished under the thick fringe of his bangs as he stared back at her in disbelief.

"Woman --- you are a fool if you think you could attack this Sesshoumaru and LIVE."

His unforgettable eyes gleamed wickedly and a faint smile tugged at his lips --- almost as if he found her threat to be genuinely entertaining. And that smug, superior tone in his voice --- he sounded more amused now than she'd ever heard him before. Why, he seemed even more pleased with himself than on the occasions she'd heard him mock his own pitiful half-brother!

A rather unladylike growl built in her throat. The very thought that something so lovely --- that something so fine --- could be so cruel and unfeeling tore at her insides.

No, she was lying to herself again --- that wasn't it. Somehow, what hurt so badly was the fact that something SHE had come to admire only held contempt for her in return --- it was too much too bear ---

Kagura straightened and recklessly advanced a step, hoping her rigid posture and the threatening stance would be enough to drive him off. They HAD faced off in confrontation numerous times over these past few months --- but --- but until that moment there had never been an actual attack between them.

"Fujin no Mai!" she shouted, sending the blast into the night sky as a warning of what was to come if he did not respect her wishes.

Sesshoumaru did not seem intimidated, nor did he yield. Those amber eyes only bored more menacingly into hers and slowly, his one hand moved to rest on the hilt of Toukijin.

"You would attack this Sesshoumaru?" he inquired in another dangerous growl. "You are lost in your dreams."

"SHUT UP!!!" she screamed shrilly. "What do you expect?! Unlike you, I have no past and no future! I only have what scraps Naraku has chosen to give me! So I have every right to be dreaming! I have nothing to lose --- I have lost it ALL already!"

Kagura's painted lips curled into a vicious sneer and a red haze filled her mind. She wanted --- she wanted nothing more than to ram that perfect, emotionless face into the earth until he had no breath left. She wanted ---

"Damn you --- why?! Why do you mock me!? Why do you ignore me? Is my pain really so damn amusing for you? WHY?! WHY WILL YOU NOT HELP ME?!"

In a pique of fury, the demoness lashed out with her fan again, this time unleashing a vicious jet of wind directly at his imposing figure. She watched as her powerful attack whistled and raged along, tearing and splitting the ground as it reached for him. For a long, bitter moment, she ached to see him bleed. She burned with the desire to see him cowed and weak and --- broken --- like her ---

At the last possible second, Sesshoumaru leapt into the air, easily avoiding the terrible volley. The taiyoukai spun gracefully, landing no more than a few meters away. He charged directly at her stunned form; his fist was clenched and raised as if he meant to strike her. She couldn't help but notice those long fingers were glowing with the unmistakable build of poison ---

Well, what result had she been anticipating anyway? Kagura brought up her arm in a last ditch effort to defend herself, waiting to be torn apart by those savage claws, but --- but the expected blow never came.

Sesshoumaru merely came to a standstill before her, breathing hard. She looked up to search his face in confusion. She belatedly realized her last attack had been marginally successful --- his formidable armor was cracked and the slightest trail of dark blood trickled down his cheek.

The youkai woman lowered her head in shame. For some reason, the sight of his wounds did not bring her the joy she thought it would.

"I'm so tired," she murmured, surprised she had uttered that weak admission aloud. She didn't have time to dwell on that slip, as she suddenly found she could not stop the flood of tears gathering on her eyelashes again.

Sesshoumaru regarded her with an unreadable expression before turning away as if trying to offer her some measure of privacy.

"You actually seek to inquire why I do not offer you aid?" he asked quietly, peering over his shoulder. "I should think the answer would be obvious. This Sesshoumaru does not help you because he knows something of pride."

"Pride?!" she shrieked, stretched to her breaking point and past caring that he now saw her tears fly unchecked. "That is what this is about!?! Your damn pride?! You arrogant son of a bitch!"

Sesshoumaru caught her fist as it flew up at his face and interrupted her contemptuous tirade with an angry snarl of his own.

"Foolish woman! Not MY pride but your own! Your pride! After all, it is nearly broken! Look at yourself! You are nearly broken!"

She gaped at him in wide-eyed bewilderment while he looked on angrily, waiting, somewhat impatiently, for her to comprehend his words.

As Kagura's expression continued to remain blank and she shook her head absently, Sesshoumaru's voice boomed out again.

"Would you have yourself fall into the debt of another youkai as well? You have strength --- you will see Naraku's end. And when that day comes, you will not stand by --- idle, feeble or weak. YOU will help to bring it about."

A sob was building in her throat as the full weight and meaning of his statement tore through her empty chest. He thought she was strong. He thought she was proud --- he thought she deserved the chance to prove herself. Sesshoumaru was offering her the opportunity to exact her revenge on the creature that had made her no more than a slave ---

Kagura turned unsteadily and her vision blurred as she reached for the white feather in her hair. She needed to get away from him before any more of her emotions were revealed and before other any simpering, foolish declarations could be offered. Unexpectedly, as she prepared to flee, he stretched out his arm and turned her most carefully to face him.

She could feel all his power building around her, though not in threat --- and --- it was all too late. Her fine elegant hands were shaking and she couldn't stop the words from pouring out of her throat as he cupped her chin up and turned her face up to his.

"Don't!" she sobbed, fighting to pull her gaze away. "Don't you look at me now! I can always see the tomorrow I won't have in those eyes of yours! Sometime in the next few moments, we will have to part! We will have to resume this strange life of chance meetings and battles. Don't you understand? Always --- wherever I go --- I both hope and dread to see you!" She pressed her forehead against his broken armor, surprised when he shifted closer in response.

"Whatever the case, you will refrain from any more foolish displays such as that last one," Sesshoumaru ordered flatly. He dabbed his fingers against the cut on his cheek, bringing his hand up to stare at the blood staining his claws. "This day will never come again, and there are no second chances in a single moment."

Kagura knew he was right --- this moment might never come again. She threaded her fingertips through the trailing length of his silvery hair. The texture was indescribable. It was so fine, so soft to the touch --- yet so heavy in the hands. She needed someone to know ---

"For myself, if I am to die --- I just do not want to be alone," she whispered, turning her cheek against that cold, cracked iron. "Just once, I want to feel --- something. Even if my strength and power are gone."

Kagura gasped in shock as the taiyoukai's arm encircled her shoulder. She couldn't stop the tremor that coursed up her spine. His touch was hesitant, tender and he held her as if she were a dry leaf that might break apart in his fingers.

"You will not be alone," he answered vaguely.

Sesshoumaru released his hold on her shaking shoulders. She felt his fingers move up trace her jaw, his thumb brushing gently across her lips. Then he pushed her from him. Kagura opened her eyes and numbly watched him turn and walk away, his steps measured and even.

"My heart beats in another place," she called out after him. "But if it were my own I would tell you --- I would tell you that I ---"

"This Sesshoumaru already knows what you would say." His voice faded mysteriously as he disappeared back into the dark woods to resume his solitary wandering.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

And that is my story.

I already stated that you would not believe me. Naturally, you may ask why I bothered to tell you at all?

Simple.

Because he was right. There are NO second chances. And even if his promise is never met, even if I should be alone at the last --- at least ---

At least someone, anyone, will have known WHO I would have offered my heart to --- if it were ever mine to give.