InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Remember to Forget ❯ Remember to Forget ( Chapter 1 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Remember to Forget
 
There was a blue tint to the room and its occupants, making everything glow beautifully. The two men on the futon's panting filled whatever tid-bits of silence that managed to find its way through the batter-bat-bat of their rapidly beating hearts (He was sure Sesshomaru could feel his own striking his back from where the demon laid beneath him). The cool air swirled around them, as an autumn breeze blew in from the open window, cooling their hot skin and causing a minute shiver to run up Inuyasha's spine.
 
Inuyasha's golden eyes slid open slowly leisurely, his hot breath drying the sweat that had gathered between Sesshomaru's shoulder blades. The half demon watched with finely tuned attention as his brother's back heaved up with every breath, flashing with every upheaval in the icy moonlight, slowly slowing.
 
Inuyasha's eyes caught on the slivers of silvery hair laying over Sesshomaru. Idly, he ran his hands through the now oily hair splayed to their right, digging his way through it until Inuyasha found Sesshomaru's larger hand amongst the silvery-white mess, clutching the pillow with pliant grip. Sesshomaru liked to call the action one of his `foolish, human sentiments'. His clawed fingers ghosted over the magenta markings gracing Sesshomaru's strong wrist, and Inuyasha took much delight in feeling the shiver that wracked the larger body beneath him. Inuyasha couldn't swallow his gasp as he pressed his forehead between Sesshomaru's shoulders as a result of their intimate contact.
 
He licked the smooth skin before him, right down Sesshomaru's bumpy spine until the skin started to dip and Inuyasha had to pull away - slowly! - in order to continue. He relished the salty taste on his tongue, enjoyed feeling Sesshomaru's breath hitch against it when he tickled the markings framing the demon's waist, and stopped only when a small growl told him to (and he'd been so close to Sesshomaru's southerly dimples!).
 
Inuyasha moved to lie down, the beads adorning his neck clacking loudly against each other, echoing about the silent room and causing his heart to twang painfully. As a result, he quickly became irritated, “Oi, bastard, move over.” Inuyasha barked quietly, his voice near hoarse.
 
Sesshomaru didn't make a sound, though he did roll onto his right side, and let a small sigh slip from his lips as his eyes closed briefly. A moment later Inuyasha's eyes caught ones as golden as his own, half-lidded as though Sesshomaru was content enough to fall asleep. He wouldn't though; the bastard wouldn't allow himself to fall asleep before he did.
 
The sight made Inuyasha smirk sloppily, his own cared for comfort having rendered him near boneless as well, “Not complaining now, are you?” He slurred as he yawned.
 
Sesshomaru didn't respond. He didn't even blink, twitch and Inuyasha nearly worried that he'd stopped breathing. The half demon had always thought that such a course of action was brought on either because the bastard couldn't be bothered to reply or because he couldn't give enough of a flying fuck to care about his clips.
 
Inuyasha watched the demon Lord's eyes close and huffed quietly, the banter that had led to his fucking Sesshomaru replaying through his mind quickly.
 
More often than not Inuyasha thought Sesshomaru annoyed him just so he would kiss him and move onto other matters and the gushing, mushy sap women fawned over could be forgotten. It was a course of action he took in order to stop the jackass from looking so damn superior whilst they were arguing (because Inuyasha couldn't see a reason why Sesshomaru thought he was more amazing than he was, especially since Inuyasha had topped a lot more than Sesshomaru had - he knew; he'd counted). But the bastard still sent him that condescending stare and allowed his aura to exude greatness that made Inuyasha want to wring his pale neck before he stomped the bastard's into dust.
 
That night's banter had been brought on by the fact that Inuyasha had insulted one of the lesser Lords of the Western Lands (And despite what Sesshomaru had said, he had deserved it; the way that fuck had been looking at Sesshomaru wasn't appreciated, not to mention downright disrespectful and damn it! Sesshomaru was his to leer at, not that bastard's!). Their somewhat quiet banter had escalated the moment the word `manners' had been coupled with his mother's name.
 
But as per usual, ever since Sesshomaru had charmed him (in the most literal sense possible, because there was no way Inuyasha was willing to believe he'd ever think of Sesshomaru in a way that didn't involve bodily harm upon his brother's person without some sort of supernatural power aiding the bastard), he could barely manage two blows to the older demon's head before he found his tongue (or Sesshomaru's) stuck down the bastard's (or his own) throat. And it was extremely difficult to be pissed off with someone when they rubbed against you in a most distracting way, two layers of thin silk being the only thing separating them, and stroked your ears as though they weren't all that willing to believe that they were real, so it'd be best for them to conduct a thorough inspection of them...
 
But that goddamned and infuriately nice smile Sesshomaru kept throwing at him! It made his head feel as though he'd been sat too many times, as though he'd downed one bottle too many of sake and - Inuyasha's brows furrowed; that smile was something he just couldn't win against. Try as he might, it made him stop and stare, no matter how many times he'd seen it. It was hard to admit, but it wowed him.
 
That was most likely because it still appeared to be very alien to him. He vaguely remembered wondering what Sesshomaru's smile might be like when he was younger and stumbling through the bastard's training, but he'd long since thrown away the possibility of its appearing.
 
Or perhaps because it was just plain pretty, though Inuyasha had a hard time admitting it (What kind of a Lord outdid the magnificently adorned lady-demons of the land? Stupid fuck. Couldn't he do anything right?).
 
Inuyasha rolled over, grunting huffily as he turned his back to Sesshomaru. He scowled, glared at the night's placid sky as it sat outside Sesshomaru's window. It looked like a calm lake of ebony ink, splattered with that glittery shit Kagome had brought from her time for Shippo to play with.
 
Sesshomaru shifted a moment later, the blanket around Inuyasha's shoulders being pulled tight between them. Inuyasha stubbornly grasped his end of the blanket, his claws creating crescent moon wounds in the pale material.
 
Inuyasha barely reacted when he felt the heated contact of Sesshomaru's elbow with his right shoulder blade as the demon Lord continued to shift until there was barely a finger's width between them. The half demon could feel the little quantity of air between them heat up dramatically, just like it always did when Sesshomaru crept closer.
 
The half demon didn't move. He simply flicked his ears with annoyance.
 
Inuyasha had come to the conclusion that their relationship was bothersome a fair while back. So much so it left a sour tang on his tongue just thinking about it.
 
Perhaps it was because of the way Sesshomaru went from `ignore the idiot' to somewhat-but-not protective and - not loving, per say; Sesshomaru was never `loving' in the usual context of the word. It was more like he became obsessed with making Inuyasha happy or quake with pleasure, whether it was because of licks, kisses, bites or either one of them fucking the other, or through a long, exhausting fight that made Inuyasha's entire body sag with a feeling of aching ease. But until that fire was blown out, Sesshomaru was far too attentive to his own needs. He felt like a pregnant woman with a far too anxious mate.
 
But then, maybe Sesshomaru's actions were the bastard's way of making sure he was somewhat content, because Inuyasha believed it obvious that the gems and trinkets given to the mates of the other Lords' (all of them female and complete bitches, in Inuyasha's humble opinion) just wasn't going to please him in the slightest. The fact that Sesshomaru showed outwardly (and thankfully, not in public) that he cared (though it could hardly be called `showing someone you cared' by a normal person) was just so fucking irritating. It was the same when it came to the bastard's smile, which Inuyasha was sure Sesshomaru didn't even realise he was displaying most days, if the way his eyes would fly straight to the floor and with how he'd finger his lips questionably afterwards.
 
Smiling, caring for his physical and mental (or not) wellbeing and making sure he was well cared for in the ways of housing and food - all these actions weren't familiar, not from Sesshomaru.
 
The bastard wasn't supposed to remind him of Kagome! He was Sesshomaru, for fuck's sake! The guy that had attempted to either kill him or take one of the few things their father had left him for the majority of his life. The fact that he reminded him of the annoying, weak, loud nag of a human woman that had somehow wormed her way into his heart as though it were nothing short of an apple, ground at Inuyasha's lungs and made him want to smother the bastard even more!
 
He compared them often, primarily when Sesshomaru was attempting to be bearable, or whenever he was left alone long enough to breathe and think and the beads around his neck's blinking in the sun distracted him from all else. Like earlier that day, after Inuyasha had returned from his daily nap under Sesshomaru's Sakura trees.
 
The demon Lord had looked up from his work - it had been some stupid scroll with equally stupid requests that would have been made by that stupid fuck of a Lord he'd pissed off earlier that day - examined Inuyasha, stood after a moment of silence and walked over to him all mighty and lordly, and finally reached up to pick a auburn leaf from the hair behind his left ear.
 
He hadn't made a single comment, which Inuyasha had immediately found himself thinking in response, Kagome used to bitch at me for not taking care of my hair. And then the bitter, She also used to pull my hair. Can't do that anymore, can you wench? His thoughts were punctuated by the sadistic cackle from the beads of subjugation, as Sesshomaru straightened them from where they'd been tangled with his haori.
 
Inuyasha had thanked Sesshomaru after a moment, albeit awkwardly, and earned the most miniscule of smiles from the demon Lord. It made his insides feel squishy.
 
The stupid jackass.
 
Inuyasha dug his cheek into the plush pillow beneath his head; nose twitching as he habitually performed a threat inspection of the room and the hallway outside it out of habit. When nothing came up, he flicked his ears and focused on his thoughts again, fluff covered ears perked as he listened to Sesshomaru's steady breathing.
 
Inuyasha's brows furrowed as though someone had stepped on his foot and he was attempting to keep himself from kicking the sorry fool's butt; Sesshomaru was still awake. For fuck's sake! If the guy was so paranoid about Inuyasha's slaughtering him in his sleep, why had he started this stupid near homicidal relationship in the first place!?
 
It wasn't as though Inuyasha had <i>wanted</i> to attend that dinner Sesshomaru had invited him to six months before, but the fact that the bastard had called him a coward was unfounded! So Inuyasha just <i>had</i> to set the record straight.
 
And that dinner had been a nerve wracking experience, if Inuyasha was going to be mild about it. Perhaps Kagome had been right when she'd told (shrieked) him that he was more than a little paranoid, if not more so than Sesshomaru; he'd carefully sniffed every dish that he'd eaten from (some of which Inuyasha hadn't even heard of before, let alone tasted, but were delicious just the same - not that Inuyasha was ever going to admit that aloud) and glare at every servant that had tried playing a mouse whenever they'd entered the room.
 
The fact that Sesshomaru hadn't really said anything during the entire meal (and there was about five metres between them, no exaggerations made) had morphed the entire occasion into an extremely discomfited situation. Despite the needy urge to say something in the tension riddled silence, what was Inuyasha supposed to say?
 
“Wow, Sesshomaru, you have a lovely home. Why don't you spend more time here instead of tracking me down and attempting to kill me all the time?”
 
The thought made him huff quietly in disbelief; Sesshomaru's hosting abilities were laughable, especially since he'd been attempting to `woo' him.
 
Inuyasha had been convinced it was all part of an elaborate scheme for Sesshomaru to steal his Tesseiga away from him. To pull a fast one and kill him with witnesses that wouldn't say a word against him and could hide his bloodied corpse (If the bastard had won… Which he wouldn't have; Inuyasha could beat Sesshomaru's butt into the ground in fifty different ways).
 
The first time Inuyasha had thought otherwise wasn't until a month after that first dismal dinner. After attempts that included two more dinners (both as incorrigibly painful), a picnic (supposedly that was Rin's idea, just like her inviting him and his friends to join her and `her Lord' when they'd stumbled upon them), fourteen battles (Inuyasha would have won all of them should the demons in the surrounding area have not decided that intruding and vowing to beat his ass to Sesshomaru was a good idea. Idiotic bastards. They never stood a chance, no matter how much it annoyed Inuyasha to be protected), one meeting in a market (Inuyasha still couldn't believe that Sesshomaru `immersed' himself in human culture, even if it was non-negotiable) and one bath (that had been a complete accident; never again was Inuyasha moping whilst walking), Sesshomaru seemed to have enough of `his stupidity' and had announced with a growl that he'd been making `capturing your half-breed heart overly troublesome' and would he `please' stop being so suspicious when his actions had a sincere and somewhat innocent colour to them.
 
It had taken another month for Inuyasha to somewhat trust Sesshomaru. It had happened after he'd had a long, long chat with Miroku, three times over with each as explicit and nerve gnawing as the last. He hadn't appreciated the monk's lecherous observations, though they did help him decide to never leave Sesshomaru alone with the pervert…
 
So what if Sesshomaru was just about the only demon he could go head to head with and have a (albeit tiny) chance of losing against?
 
So what if Sesshomaru wasn't necessarily ugly and was offering himself with no terms or conditions applied? Unlike Kagome who'd wanted everything her way (not that Sesshomaru didn't, but he didn't have the blasted beads that still hung around his neck and acted as a noose, choking him whenever he saw, felt or heard them, because Kagome was gone and despite his dislike for them, he loved her and he always would) or Kikyo who'd wanted the demon in him banished (not that Sesshomaru liked his being half human, but the bastard hadn't tried to manipulate him into wishing for the blood of a full demon).
 
So what if Sesshomaru was the `most beautiful' being Miroku had ever laid eyes on and most likely possessed a very gropable ass and that Inuyasha was stupid to not at least <i>try</i> having a relationship with Sesshomaru…
 
“Inuyasha, you are angry.”
 
The half demon snorted, the sudden appearance of his brother's voice causing his ears to flick, “Yeah? How observant of you to notice. Was it the ears or the way I've been growling that's tipped you off?”
 
Silence fell over them, before it was shooed away after a moment, once again by Sesshomaru, “I'm curious as to why you are.”
 
“Go to sleep.”
 
He felt sharp claws ghost over his spine, before they disappeared. It seemed Sesshomaru was going to cling to the topic stubbornly for whatever reason he saw fit. Inuyasha almost squirmed away as Sesshomaru's finger tips danced along his side, causing goose bumps to erupt across his sweaty skin.
 
Finally, Inuyasha gave in, as Sesshomaru's hand made a third trip and shifted irritably, pushing the offending hand away, “Fuck off.” He sneered half heartedly.
 
“You aren't sleeping, little brother. You're brooding.” Sesshomaru intoned, his voice carefully level. Inuyasha carefully listened as Sesshomaru slithered against the futon again, “What has upset you?”
 
“Nothing, I'm trying to sleep!”
 
He let out a maddened huff and buried his nose into the pillow, his face scrunched as though rotten eggs had taken refuge somewhere in the tidy room. His eyebrows furrowed further when he felt his hair and the beads around his neck being tugged as Sesshomaru untangled them.
 
“Inuyasha,” Sesshomaru said in a monotone, his voice as strong as it was when he was negotiating the trade routes with the other three demon Lords of Japan (and as inarguable as when he was), “I will not ask again.”
 
Good.
 
A few seconds later he felt a light tug of his grimy, grey stained hair again, this time closer to his ears, as though a warning of what he could lose should he continue his blatant act of disrespect.
 
“Go to sleep.”
 
Sesshomaru stilled. His hair was pulled, Inuyasha's hair having snagged itself of Sesshomaru's long claws.
 
Kagome used to pull my hair…
 
“I will when you answer me. Do so and stop being stubborn.”
 
The arms of the silence that followed were oppressive, seemingly squishing Inuyasha from all sides as he attempted to ignore the frigid glare piercing the back of his head. He didn't reply though as he bull headedly stuck to his first course of action.
 
“Look at me.”
 
Inuyasha barked, “No.”
 
“Inuyasha-”
 
“I said, no!”
 
Again the room fell silent, the repetitiveness of its appearance making Inuyasha's insides knot tighter and his head start to pound. Why couldn't Sesshomaru give up? Why the hell was he such a stuck up bastard who thought he had the right to know everything?
 
Surprisingly, a hand scratched down his back, as Sesshomaru pushed himself up onto his knees. Inuyasha found surprise gripping him, and a sense of pride and smugness that made him want to smirk at the wall; the bastard was leaving.
 
Or so he'd thought.
 
The demon Lord lifted a long, long leg and swung it over Inuyasha, the smooth, bare skin of his inner thigh rubbing against Inuyasha's waist teasingly as Sesshomaru moved over him. Sesshomaru's lower extremities followed - which Inuyasha steadfastly ignored, lest he do something that went against his obstinate plans for the rest of the night - until Sesshomaru's second ankle was leisurely drawing itself down his left calf and was finally placed on the futon beneath them.
 
They were now lying eye to eye, nose to nose. Sesshomaru's form bare of any covering as he stared straight at Inuyasha, almost as though attempting to see through him. The demon lord was half hanging off the futon too, much to Inuyasha's smothered amusement.
 
The moonlight highlighted him beautifully. Sesshomaru looked as though he were glowing. He looked soft and somewhat touchable, despite the indifferent look on his face.
 
However, his tone was razor sharp when he spoke, cutting through the silence as though it were the wind scar piercing a lowly demon's flesh. And it managed to knock some sense into Inuyasha as the half demon recalled his desire to scowl and be overly unpleasant until he was allowed at least five hours sleep.
 
“Do you miss your priestess, Inuyasha?”
 
“What?”
 
Sesshomaru frowned, his impeccable face drawn tight over finely chiseled bone. It signalled that Inuyasha better answer lest he want to lose one of his ears and no matter how much trouble they brought upon him, Inuyasha had grown very attached.
 
Inuyasha sputtered, his voice harsh as Sesshomaru's fingers trickled up his chest, towards his neck, “No! I couldn't be happier without the stupid wench gone! All I did was save her all the time; life's been a lot less troublesome without her! What the hell gave you that idea?” He huffed and crossed his arms.
 
Sesshomaru's gaze remained were it was, examining his face carefully, his molten gold eyes barely moving.
 
The hand now resting over his throat felt uncomfortable, threatening. Inuyasha scowled in return as the hand curled, so that Sesshomaru was cupping his neck, his thumb against the front, his fingers curling to slide amongst his hair.
 
“You are a terrible liar, little brother.”
 
“You're a jackass!”
 
Seemingly ignoring his words, Sesshomaru continued to play with the beads around his neck, gently picking at a red sphere as his claws clicked against them sharply. The demon Lord stole a moment to examine the bead, before he held it up in front of Inuyasha's golden gaze.
 
“I have often seen you fiddling with this,” Sesshomaru said tonelessly, “I know of its purpose, of who gave it to you and I expect it allows you to remember the times you had with your precious priestess.”
 
Sesshomaru seemed to consider his next words carefully, his elegant eyebrows knotted together firmly in the centre of his forehead, beneath a blue crescent moon, “Perhaps,” he paused, his mouth open slightly, his sharp teeth peeking out from within at Inuyasha, “Perhaps, they cause you to remember too much, too often.”
 
Inuyasha remained silent, eyes on the gleaming bead held snugly between Sesshomaru's fingers. His thick eyebrows furrowed further and his scowl deepened into an infected wound on his face.
 
He looked as though he'd smelt something extremely unpleasant as his nose wrinkled and he snarled, “Look, fuck off, alright? I'll deal with it.”
 
“You aren't getting anywhere with your efforts, Inuyasha.”
 
“I can't take them off.” He huffed.
 
Sesshomaru didn't skip a beat, and continued smoothly, as though all was normal in the world, “I am offering you aid. Take it.”
 
Inuyasha didn't know what to say, nor did he know whether he was supposed to be offended or laugh - cackle, even! - at the idea of Sesshomaru helping with something so `trivial'.
 
Did the bastard really think it was all that easy? Obviously Sesshomaru was taking offence to his thinking of Kagome with every clack and gleam, but wasn't it Sesshomaru that had said the necklace would be easy to rid himself of considering he was part mortal?
 
It was something spiritual and human, and Inuyasha had known Sesshomaru wouldn't have thought all too much about it, but the way he'd simply brushed off Inuyasha's asking for help - and now he was - Ooh! The fucking jackass was about to be booted from the bed and then the window if he didn't shut the hell up and let Inuyasha sleep! This wasn't the time for him to be talking about something that pissed him up as much as Kagome and her gifts did.
 
“I do not expect you to forget her.”
 
“Huh?”
 
“That annoying priestess you fawned over, Inuyasha, I know she will always be special to you; such is the way of human emotions. However,” He sidled up closer, buttoning the pocket of air between them shut as he pressed the longer length of his body flush against Inuyasha's, “She is distracting you from your duties. You have not fought me well in over a month, whilst your etiquette lessons with Jaken have been for nought, he tells me you spend that hour attempting to ignore this humiliating piece of jewellery.”
 
Again he paused as he tugged on the offending necklace, pulling it tight against the back of Inuyasha's neck, “We are to find a way to remove it.”
 
“I can find a way on my own, thanks.” Inuyasha attempted to sneer.
 
The effect ruined by the cool skin of Sesshomaru's nose as it pressed against his equally moist one. Sesshomaru's warm breath had rushed across the planes of his face and neck as well, distracting Inuyasha as he attempted to not allow the inevitable eruption of goose bumps onto his skin.
 
Sesshomaru rested his large hand on Inuyasha's chest. It felt hot - searing on his now heated skin, smooth.
 
The demon Lord regarded him with a raised brow reserved for when Inuyasha was acting most questionably, “You are unhappy and yet you wish to prolong the experience? Do not be so stubborn. I will help.”
 
Inuyasha growled, “No! For fuck's sake, I want to find a way!”
 
“I will gladly hold my tongue when asked about my own inquiries if you do, little brother.”
 
“What? No! Shut up!”
 
Sesshomaru seemed amused, as his eyes shone with mirth at his own bratty glare. And he called him fucking stubborn? The hypocrite was a hundred times worse than him!
 
“I will let you sleep should you agree.”
 
It was a most delectable promise, one that made Inuyasha think thrice before speaking (though he allowed a rumbling growl to trickle from his lips). Arguing tended to make him want to doze and their recent activities have made his eyelids wish to drop...
 
“Smile.”
 
“Hm?” Sesshomaru responded.
 
“I said `smile', you jackass!”
 
If Inuyasha was going to agree to this, he wanted to feel as though it were forced; it was the only way he was ever going to admit anything…
 
It took Sesshomaru a moment of looking curious, before his lips twitched, almost as though the muscles weren't used to being used for the purpose Sesshomaru wanted them to complete (which they weren't), creaking up until a somewhat unsure smile had crept onto Sesshomaru's attractive face.
 
Inuyasha swallowed thickly, finding his stomach doing those annoyingly pleasant flip flops he hated, as his tongue dried and swelled, silencing him. His mind was gratefully blank, as was the usual occurance when it came to that stupid smile.
 
“You will allow me to help you rid yourself of this disgrace?” Sesshomaru asked as he tapped a red bead with his index finger.
 
Inuyasha nodded stupidly, his eyes not leaving Sesshomaru's face. Buddha damn him; he knew he was going to regret this, but fuck it all if he cared at that moment…
 
Sesshomaru continued pleasantly, “Move back.” He pressed a hand to Inuyasha's right breast, pushing gently.
 
He did so clumsily, his legs getting tangled in the blanket. He swore quietly. But his irritation was soon forgotten as Sesshomaru crept closer again and wrapped a long (and lonely) arm around his torso snugly. Surprisingly, a rare kiss was pressed to his collar bone, making the skin tingle and the bone turn to a shaky twig.
 
And then Sesshomaru was laying down, hair spread out across the pillows behind him and his molten eyes hidden from the world. His breathing slowed to a frightening rate.
 
Inuyasha stared, examined Sesshomaru's form idly.
 
His irritation didn't last long (Stupid bastard… Going to sleep without saying goodnight…), even as the beads called for his attention as he wrapped his own arm around Sesshomaru (there was no point in untangling himself from the bastard's arms, they anyway tied themselves around the other no matter what position they fell asleep in). Kagome could scream for all the attention she wanted, but sometimes Inuyasha just wanted to forget.
 
Hopefully the bastard's help would do some good; The beads were getting annoying in general (especially the one that seemed to love snuggling and curling itself into his hair) and it was getting tiresome to remember to forget.
 
------------------------------------------
 
 
Woffy: It is the sequel to Smile! Finally! *cheers*
 
 
Erm… It actually didn't turn out as I'd first pictured it to. For example, there wasn't supposed to be any after-sex thinking. Actually... There wasn't going to be any mentions of sex at all, but you know, plans change...
 
 
I'd hoped to bring across my opinion on Inuyasha's mindset whenever I pair him up with Sesshomaru: that despite his growing fond of Sesshomaru, he still cares for Kagome. Feelings like love don't just disappear (no matter how I wish it were so) and I don't like how I've seen authors dismiss his feelings for Kagome as rubbish when they base their stories on the anime up to a point. They're there and if not anything else they help create more drama and make Sesshomaru even more ruthless than normal.
 
Anyway, with this out of the way, I can finally concentrate on the next chapter of DR! And a few other one-shots I've been working on. Granted, DR hasn't been cooperating with me as of late, damned writer's block… Either way…
 
 
Reviews would be lovely!