Magic Knight Rayearth Fan Fiction ❯ Lying, Waiting, All Too Late ❯ Reflections, part one ( Prologue )

~ Lying, Waiting, All Too Late ~
Prologue: Reflections (part one)

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There is no blame to put on anybody but myself.

I was blind for so long; I didn't know where my life was headed. All I knew, and all I cared to know for the longest time, was that I had my friends, my estranged brother, a gorgeous girlfriend, and a prestigious rank in the air force. I could never have imagined anything better for the longest time, and it wasn't until HE came to Autozam did I discover that what I had was the best for liars. I was tired of lying to everybody, and so was Milano.

It was when we broke up did I finally realize the entire truth about myself. She had discovered what I truly was, how I sincerely felt, when HE came to Autozam. I don't know, and I don't think I'll ever know, if it was out of disgust that she dumped me or if she thought it was for my own good.

As a matter of fact, I don't think I'd care to know or if it's better that I should know. Whether or not it was for the latter that Milano dumped me, it makes no difference because it was. It really was. After all, haven't my brother Holden and I grown up with the moral that seeing even the dimmest light is oftentimes better than dwelling in the vast darkness?

And yet, if Milano and I were still together, and if I never knew my own feelings for my best friend, I would never have known how he had felt about me first before he gave up completely on me.

He gave up completely on me because he saw that I wasn't worth waiting for and turned to HIM.

At least, I'm given that impression, and I don't blame him one bit. I felt worthy of my own existence every time Milano would whisper the three beautifully strung words of "I love you", but my self-esteem had never been high otherwise. I had nothing to offer Eagle, and while he still had loved me at one point, I'm sure he was fooling himself like I had with Milano. I know that he is pleased with HIM, and what kind of man would I be if I broke off their love, their friendship, and their happiness?

"Remember when we spent the entire evening in Matador County?" Meson, my cousin and childhood friend, had asked me, after Eagle and Lantis had finally broken all barriers and explored the territories of romance. "Remember when I asked you how you would feel if one of your closest friends said that he loved you?

"Well, I remember your initial answer: 'Well, depending on who it was, I'd--wait. He?!'

"Geo, I was talking about Eagle. He was in love with you."

When Meson told me that, my heart sank, and I nearly cried over my lost chance. I don't believe in true, destined, or the perfect love, but somehow, I know I would be truly happy by Eagle's side.

By Eagle's side...

That's all I want, isn't it? If that's so, then I will do that. A lost chance is a lost chance, but we can continue to be friends. I can pretend to know nothing of any sort, I can pretend to not be in love, and I can pretend that I have no qualms of any sort with the relationship between Eagle and Lantis.

Because I don't. After all, if I truly love Eagle, as one would say, I would want nothing more than his happiness. If he's happy with Lantis, then so be it. And Lantis, despite everything, is one of my closest friends. I don't want to hurt him, and I don't want to injure Eagle any more than I already have.

I, however, deserve this pain that I feel. I love Eagle, but the words will never be said because once Lantis arrived in Cephiro, it was all too late.

And by then, Eagle had already waited much too long for me to say them.

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