Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Snippets of KakaSaku ❯ Old Flame ( Chapter 8 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: FlameTwirler 
Prompt for tumblr's KakaSaku Valentine's Week 2015.
Anime/Manga: Naruto Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Drama / Comedy | Type: One Shot | Uploaded On: 11.03.2015 | Updated On: 11.03.2015 | Pages: 8 | Words: 5.5K | Visits: 404 | Status: Completed
Prompt for tumblr's KakaSaku Valentine's Week 2015.
Anime/Manga: Naruto Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Drama / Comedy | Type: One Shot | Uploaded On: 11.03.2015 | Updated On: 11.03.2015 | Pages: 8 | Words: 5.5K | Visits: 404 | Status: Completed
A/N: Written for KakaSaku Valentines Week 2015 over on tumblr.
Prompt for day 1 was Old Flame. Yes, original title is original.
But I thought it fitting considering my inspiration for this
fic.
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Old Flame
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Sakura had made many promises to Sasuke over the years, vows to do whatever she could for him, to shoulder his pain, to ease his burden, to simply be there for him. So when he asked her to be his wife, to help him rebuild his clan in so many more ways than just bearing his children, she didn't look back.
She didn't think about the burgeoning relationship she'd unintentionally formed with Kakashi during Sasuke's many absences over the years. She didn't think about how Kakashi must feel slightly abandoned, despite knowing the power her promises would have over her. She didn't think of possible other futures, of might-have-beens, she locked that all away in a dark, out of the way corner of her heart.
All that mattered was that Sasuke had asked and she would respond. She was a kunoichi, and Konoha shinobi always kept their word.
Years passed and her life changed in ways she never could've imagined. She had children and they gave her more joy than she thought possible, even if there were trials and heartache along the way.
She and Sasuke tried for many children; what with her not being from the Uchiha bloodline their children wouldn't be pureblood. There was no knowing who would more dominantly inherit their father's blood and the capability for the sharingan, so they just had to enlarge the pool as much as possible.
It was inevitable for her to miscarry.
Sasuke had been there for the first, but he hadn't been for the second.
She didn't blame him for it though, no more than she blamed him for not being there any other time. Besides, there was no way to plan for this sort of thing. It wasn't like it had been expected, especially when she'd had pregnancies come to term in between.
The only thing she blamed Sasuke for was leaving her alone when it was inevitable for Kakashi to show up. Before she even opened her eyes upon waking that first morning in the hospital, she knew he was there. Even knowing how he hated hospitals, how there'd been this strange dynamic between them ever since she'd accepted Sasuke's proposal, even knowing he was Hokage and had so many other things on his plate, it was inescapable. She trained her eyes on the door and not five minutes passed before he walked through the door, hokage robes draped over one arm.
"Sorry I'm late, I had a meeting," he said by way of apology, lifting the robes to show it was a legitimate excuse this time.
She smiled at him, tears in her eyes. "Baka."
Then his robes were draped over a chair and he was holding her as she sobbed into his chest. It felt like hours passed like that, and it was both the first and last time they let themselves get that close. Once she was cried out Kakashi retreated to the chair and they returned to what passed as a normal equilibrium for them. Despite his duties as Hokage, he managed to spend more than half of every day with her, spreading his other obligations between Shizune, Naruto, and anyone else he could pawn them off on.
In the following days Kakashi was there for her when she needed him, even going so far as to hold her hand when she neared tears again, his own sometimes trembling. She saw it all there in his eyes. On the surface was all the sorrow and sympathy appropriate for the circumstances, but beyond that there was tenderness and anguish. The connection between them had only grown through the years, despite their separation, and while he certainly was happy she'd found such a contented life, he couldn't entirely hide his pain from her.
She worried that he saw the same in her eyes, that the might-have-beens weren't as deeply hidden as she thought. It was the reason they never sought each other out, tried never to be alone with each other, only looking when the other one wasn't, or catching subtle glances from the corners of their eyes.
After a week she was discharged to recuperate at home and Kakashi's visits were over now that Ino was all but living with her to take care of her. Her friend ranted and raved over Sasuke's absence but she didn't understand, not like Sakura did. Kakashi appeared one last time, to let her know she could call on him for anything if she needed it. That had never needed to be said between them. Even without this strange connection, they'd been teammates, and they were family, in a way. She knew she could depend on any of her boys for a thing, regardless of what she needed.
Then she noticed how far he stood from her, the eye-closing smile that graced his face, and understood he'd come to say this in his capacity as Hokage. He'd probably made this same visit a hundred times to different kunoichi under his command, a hundred more to shinobi with other wounds, and more than he'd care to count to families of the deceased.
"Let me know when you feel up to returning to your duties but don't rush yourself. Take all the time you need," he said as his parting statement, already heading for the door.
When he was gone Sakura let out a sigh of relief. It was good having him there and she was immensely grateful for the time he'd spent with her, but there was too much tension. She couldn't deal with it well enough right then.
Sasuke was home a few days later and was immediately at Sakura's side. He held her all through Ino's rants, not saying a word to contradict her. When her friend finally ran out of breath, looking slightly confused at the man who wouldn't say a single word in his defense, she raised her hands in defeat.
"Fine, I leave Sakura in your care, but if you even think of scampering off again while she needs you there will be hell to pay."
Sakura just smiled at her friend's antics and snuggled closer to Sasuke. He was a good husband, better than she'd ever expected, even if no one else knew it. He stayed for eight months after that, longer than he'd stayed in Konoha since he'd been twelve. He was simply too restless to remain there for any longer, but that wasn't even the biggest factor. All his guilt drove him on, all his regrets, all his fears, they wouldn't let him stay where he most wanted to be: with his family. He didn't feel he deserved it. And while it pained him because he knew they all suffered some because of it too, he was the one who felt the separation the most.
During those eight months he was doting, just like he always was at home, at least in private. He played with the kids, helped them with their studies and their exercises, even helping them do - or sometimes escape from - their chores. With her, he knew she needed distraction. He hadn't been paying lip service when he said he wanted her to help him completely rebuild his clan.
There were so many things that had been lost when his family had been wiped out: histories, techniques, legacies, heritage, even lineage. Some things had been common knowledge in the clan he'd simply been too young to learn then while others were only written down and shared at some milestone event. They'd slowly been piecing these things together over the years, something Sakura was honored he shared with her instead of keeping close to himself, and now they worked at it together in earnest. Deciphering things intended to be cryptic, or even distinguishing between what was intentionally cryptic and what was mysterious simply because they were missing a piece of crucial information that might've been common at the time, took a sharp mind. There were charts and notes scattered all around that took ages just to go through, let alone figure how they connected with one another.
Sakura dove into the work with relish and was well established in it, and back at work at the hospital, by the time Sasuke felt the need to leave again. The entire brood - they had five children now - walked him to the gate and waved him on his way. This was normal for them. This was okay. Sometimes she wanted more than okay, but that was another thing she stuffed down into that dark, dark corner of her heart.
Then she turned to her children, her beautiful, smiling children, and her heart sang with joy and she raced them all the way home where they played hide-and-seek and tag for the rest of the day.
Years passed and she watched them all grow with pride, even adding two more children to the bunch. Once her youngest was two years old she was able to return to active duty - the time off a luxury not afforded during more strenuous or war torn times - though she still spent most of her time in the hospital. It was a labor of love, doing research and development, and when other allied countries requested permission to send their own shinobi to learn from her, in her own hospital, surrounded by a life's worth of research and unparalleled equipment, she thought life couldn't get much better.
Then came the news that Genma had died.
He was the kind of guy that was everyone's friend, and everyone took his passing to heart, but none more than Shizune, who'd borne him a son not two months prior. Sakura spent the day lamenting with her friend alongside Tsunade, who, recalling that Shizune was still nursing and thus couldn't drink, had left the booze at home. It was a gesture that touched both Shizune and Sakura deeply because Tsunade didn't deal with grief well and always handled it by getting drunk. Her willingness to take it sober by Shizune's side was a testament to the close bond the women shared.
At the end of the night Sakura and Tsunade both told her they'd come over every day for as long as she needed, then went their separate ways, Tsunade to get blazed and Sakura to the Hokage tower. She knew someone else who likely needed some solace right then, and while she'd initially debated the wisdom of going, he'd been there when she'd needed someone, regardless of how hard it might have been for him. The least she could do was return the favor.
Somehow she'd known that, despite the late hour, he wouldn't have gone home yet. She found him just where she expected, sitting behind his desk in an office that was only half his anymore, Naruto well onto his way to moving in. She wasn't necessarily surprised to see the cup of sake in his hand but she was astounded by the amount of empty bottles she saw littering the desk, testament to just how drunk he must already be.
Softly walking over to him she put a hand on his shoulder, letting him know she was there for him if he needed anything. After a few quiet moments he put his hand over hers, gently squeezing before just letting it linger there. Sakura well knew the solace a quiet presence could be, even when words weren't wanted. She'd ask him if he wanted to talk about it but she knew him well enough that, drunk as he was, if he wanted to talk he would.
When he moved his hand to pour himself another glass of sake she pulled up a chair and sat next to him, her back leaning against his arm. Aside from the obvious comfort she was trying to offer she was showing him trust and respect too, her position making it clear she had no intentions of even thinking of looking beneath his mask, which had been pooled around his neck when she'd walked in.
He stilled for a few seconds before relaxing. Then she felt him move against her, twisting, and she turned her head to see what he was up to. A bottle of sake hung in front of her face, dangling from his fingers, and she accepted it gratefully, anxious to get rid of all the build up tension and emotion from the day.
They drank in silence for hours before Kakashi felt the need to move. He lifted the arm Sakura was leaning against causing her to fall back a bit clumsily after all the alcohol she'd had. At first she thought he was just getting up but then his arm closed back around her in an awkward sideways hug and she smiled before wrapping her hands around his forearm and squeezing her acceptance.
They sat like that for who knew how long, Kakashi breathing shakily behind her, and Sakura wished she could hug him properly through his tears.
Dragging herself home in the wee hours of the morning she was glad she'd had the foresight to ask Sai to come over and watch the kids. They all adored him, oddly enough, and she was glad someone had been there to make sure they didn't demolish the house. So as it stood all the kids were asleep when she made her way home and she waved sluggishly at Sai before collapsing into her own bed.
It was a month later that she heard Shizune and Kakashi were to be married. Being so soon after Genma's death, it was apparent to everybody that it was a marriage of convenience. Since Shizune's child was still so young she wouldn't want to work for a while, and while she did get some money on maternity leave, it was a pittance. Konoha just couldn't afford very much and shinobi knew to put money away during the pregnancy to live off of. What most people didn't know though was that Shizune had always been very frugal, but most of her money went toward quietly paying off Tsunade's gambling debts. Financially, she was in dire straights.
Of course, everyone who knew her would be willing to pitch in but that might hurt at her pride, both hers and Tsunade's, and thus she would never allow it. Kakashi, on the other hand, was sitting on more money than people knew, what with his bachelor lifestyle, penny-pinching, and always skipping out on bills as a lark. This was one way he could help his friend without hurting her. Being there for her and the baby, stepping in where Genma couldn't, was of course another obvious advantage.
As for Kakashi, well people would stop bothering him about getting married already at his advanced age.
Sakura was shocked, but happy for them nonetheless. She knew it was a good match, even if it was just a marriage of convenience, but she couldn't help the sharp pinch of pain that came with it. She went to the wedding, a bright smile plastered across her face, and wished them both well with genuine feeling - they were her friends and she truly did want them happy - but afterward she went to the training ground and leveled a few trees. She was rusty, after all, and needed to keep her skills sharp for just in case.
She finally knew how Kakashi had felt all those years watching her with Sasuke. It was bittersweet, in a way. She couldn't look at them too closely but she was glad to see a true bond form between them over time. The casual touches, the way they stood close to each other, attested to the fact that the marriage had been successful. Whether that meant love or just companionship she dared not look close enough to discern. She was ecstatic to know he was happy, that he no longer had to feel on his own while she had a growing family around her, that he could feel part of something. She'd wanted that for him for so long she was gratified to see it come true and with someone else she loved and respected so much.
On the other hand, while she felt she should be able to be with him more easily now, with both of them firmly otherwise engaged, it only became more difficult. In part it was guilt for knowing - but not fully appreciating - how much it had hurt over the years for him to see her happy, without him. Something she completely sympathized with now. In part it was because this connection between them, while muted, hadn't diminished in the least. Sometimes she had trouble looking Shizune in the eye, despite knowing all of them were informed adults and knew exactly where the others stood. After all, Shizune and Tsunade had both stood witness to her start with Kakashi, had watched her walk away to fulfill a promise made to someone else.
Shizune had known what had been between the two, but even as Shizune and Kakashi grew closer together, she never seemed the slightest bit bitter or aggressive toward Sakura. Sakura never could figure out if it was because she just wasn't threatened by her, since it was so obvious they wouldn't act on any stray impulse, because she hadn't grown attached to Kakashi in that way, or because she was simply a better person than Sakura was.
So Sakura was happy for them, solely and purely. She refused to admit to the tiny, infinitesimal kernel of jealousy that had sprouted, instead burying it away with so many other things in that dark, quiet corner of her heart. And if this shared pain, this knowing how he'd felt looking at her all these years, the crazy, jumbled mixture of emotions, made her feel somehow closer to him, well, she buried that too.
She had another purpose, a family to look to, after all.
Spring became summer and something felt off but she couldn't quite put her finger on what it was so she shrugged it off. However when summer turned to fall she figured it out.
Sasuke had been gone too long.
He'd never been gone for longer than five months before. Occasionally he was gone on a mission so they could have a general guideline of when to expect him back. Most times though he was just travelling on his own, trying to learn the world over, to see it again with eyes not tainted by revenge and hate.
Sometimes he had a general idea of where he was going, but not always. If able to he'd update them by messenger hawk, letting the family know of new destinations or timelines, but trained hawks weren't always available. Sometimes he was gone a week, other times for months, but never had it been this long and never had she had this unsettled feeling in the pit of her stomach.
She'd mentioned it offhandedly to Naruto who'd instantly put together a search party, hokageship be damned. The entire council had learned to deal with and even come to expect things like this by now, though, and dealt with his announced departure with equanimity, Kakashi stepping back in during his absence.
All parties involved refused to allow Sakura to take part in the search. When she'd screeched and wailed about the stupidity of not letting her look for her own husband, they'd forced her to hear why and their reasons had seemed, well, reasonable. She'd conceded the point.
The first reason was her children. She had seven of them now, ranging in ages from seventeen to three, who needed to be raised in the Uchiha tradition. If something had already happened to Sasuke, and something befell her as well, who would watch over them?
The second was similar. If, again, something had happened to Sasuke, she was the only one left with the wealth of knowledge about the clan the pair of them had worked out in the past two decades. Even her oldest, Sarada, for all her learning, knew only a fraction of what Sakura knew. If Sakura died all of that knowledge perished with her. That's not what Sasuke would want and it would be tantamount to breaking her promise to him, willfully letting all that information be destroyed. She couldn't compile everything they'd discovered in a few days, let alone the few hours before the search party departed, and everyone else knew it.
They came back with his mangled body four days later. Sasuke, her husband, was dead.
A single tear trickled its way down her face as she watched them enter through the gate but she dashed it away angrily. NO. She didn't have time for that now. First she had to find out who was responsible because someone was going to pay.
Those standing near her or coming to console her took a hasty few steps back at the change in her aura but Sakura didn't notice. She stomped her way to the morgue at the hospital, unconsciously leading a small funereal line. Grief could come later, would probably always be there like a specter over her shoulder, but right now she needed something, someone to direct her rage at.
For right now she had a morgue to prepare because she wasn't going to leave until she was done.
She spent the next thirty-seven hours straight working on his body, trying to find the cause of death. She took no break for eating or sleeping, only drinking fluids when her assistants forced them under her nose. She took them gratefully, if somewhat grudgingly, because somewhere in the back of her mind she knew that if she dehydrated and passed out someone else might take over, someone less competent, and she couldn't allow that.
In hour thirty-eight she slumped over, defeated. There was no one to direct her anger at. Sasuke had died of a brain aneurism, one situated right behind his left eye. There was no way of knowing whether his sharingan was related, but she felt it likely was. He'd done a lot of damage to his eyes in his earlier years and that had likely affected everything else around them.
All the damage to his body had simply been nature, a combination of rot, decomposition, and scavengers.
He was just so young it felt unjust. Sure, the life expectancy for shinobi wasn't that high but that was because of they were in a dangerous business. It was the fatality rate on missions, of dangerous stunts gone wrong, not stupid natural causes. If you weren't stabbed in the gut you were supposed to live to see old age. It wasn't fair. She didn't care that she knew full well that fairness had no place in real life, but that wasn't the place she was in at that moment. Now that rage was gone despair had taken up residence and it was heavy.
The funeral came and went and Sakura filled her time with doing one of the things that had prevented her going on that search: writing everything down. It wasn't just a work of piecing things together and writing them verbatim, though. She and Sasuke had decided early on that they would tweak things, put more emphasis on teamwork, honor among comrades, trust, and dedication. There was just a hint of ego, of prideful thinking in most everything they came across, and they wanted to eradicate anything that could ever tip the clan into thinking of an uprising again, anything that could bring them close to being wiped out. Besides, Sasuke always said he knew he and those of his clan were of top quality. He didn't need some old decaying document to tell him so, so why would any of his descendants?
She poured herself into it, her children helping and learning at the same time, and it became her life's work. But eventually she ran out of things to write, had wrung the meaning out of even the most nuanced, obscure piece of text she'd had, and it was complete. She was not, but it was, and that helped.
Her children grew and started getting married, and Sakura renewed her effort in the research and development at the hospital. That had been holding at the status quo a bit while she'd been working on the Uchiha history and manifest, but now she was back with a fervor and it felt good.
Her fourth child got married and she was starting to feel old, but she couldn't much bring herself to care when Sarada placed her very first grandchild on her lap. It was a strange but brilliant feeling, and when she looked into her beautiful dark brown eyes, she knew the darling girl would one day have a sharingan. It gave her peace.
Life kept moving apace, and with the passing of time it was only inevitable for losses to start coming more and more often.
Soon came the news that Tsunade had died. Sakura felt the blow like a physical dart in her chest. Tsunade's passing hurting just as much, if not even more so than Sasuke's had. In some ways the blonde had been a mother to her, in other ways a mentor, in others a very dear friend. When she felt like it Tsunade had still been working in the hospital, still bellowing at everyone for being incompetent and showing them carefully how they could improve themselves. They'd all known she had to be aging, but with her jutsu it was anyone's guess as to how well.
Shizune didn't allow anyone to see the body and they respected Tsunade enough, even with her quirks in vanity, to accede. Her body was buried next to her beloved Dan and Sakura had to admire the kind of love that could last, unattained, for a lifetime.
The following weeks were a blur and somehow it came as no big shock when Shizune passed away in her sleep not much later. Despite her relationship with Kakashi everyone knew she was still closest with Tsunade. They'd been attached at the hip for decades and it took more than death to break that kind of love.
Sakura was too distraught to think of truly trying to comfort Kakashi about the passing of his wife. He'd come seen her after Sasuke's death, right before the funeral was held, and while she appreciated the gesture there wasn't much to say at the time. She'd been a cried out husk at the time, watching her children sobbing quietly in the house when they thought no one was watching, then staying stoic while in the public eye. He'd rustled her hair like the old days and she'd leaned unthinking into him, and he held her loosely while she tried to gather herself together to face the funeral party.
But now she was an emotional wreck so what could she offer? She sought him out just once, giving him a hug so tight she had to heal him after, then they both went their separate ways again to deal with their grief. She saw him at the funeral but then not again for weeks. If not for the son he'd raised with Shizune he likely would've cut himself off from the world, but as it was he had to be there for his kid.
They had occasional play dates as time passed, but that was the most they saw of each other. They passed each other in hallways and streets with a smile and nod of acknowledgement, a glint in each other's eyes, but they didn't seek each other out. They had children to worry about now.
Eventually, Kakashi's son started coming over on his own. At first Sakura had been hurt, thinking that Kakashi had gone so far as to actually start avoiding her, but then she looked closer. He didn't come over to hang out with everyone, he didn't even spend much time with the older boys he'd always looked up to. No, he spent almost all his time mooning over her youngest daughter, looking away just long enough for the girl to glance at him. Sakura had to smile; it was simply too cute.
After a few more years of watching the pair bloom to courtship, the two were wed in the most adorable ceremony Sakura had ever seen. That such an loveable, exuberant, and outwardly emotional boy could be raised by Kakashi was quite a feat and made her laugh, especially when he dragged his pop up to the front of the crowd to thank him with blubbering words for all he'd done for him over the years. Seeing Kakashi flustered never got old, especially when he couldn't really escape, what with the way his son was latched onto him. All in all it was just the perfect day.
Sakura was surrounded by friends and family, her last child was married and settled, and she had grandkids galore to run around her feet and make her smile with their chubby cheeks. Her life was wonderful. It only lacked one thing.
And that thing had made his escape from the front and was making his way right toward her. He leaned down in front of her and extended his hand, not even attempting to be subtle.
"What do you say we get out of here?"
There was a chorus of "Oooo"s and cheers from those around them, most especially her family, and she had to give them an incredulous if appreciative look, wondering just how unsubtle they'd been in their appreciative looks and growing attentions.
They walked hand in hand - couldn't much race away anymore at their age - away from the wedding, letting the sounds diminish behind them, simply taking their time and drinking in the moment. There was no rush; they knew their destination.
And when they reached Kakashi's soft bed after their long, meander walk, arthritic joints and geriatric muscles did nothing to hinder them. They were tender and violent in their outpouring, wild as a tempest and smooth as a whisper they were in their love for each other. It was many, many things to them, this first coming together, after so many, many years of longing and waiting, but above all it was perfection.
When their kids found them in the morning they both had smiles written into the wrinkles on their faces, their bodies curled around each other. Those left behind couldn't even feel too sad because they knew Sakura and Kakashi had finally known true happiness with the other.
If there was any better way to go, none of them knew it.
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A/N: This was originally going to be a different, angstier story, but then it changed to this which is based pretty much entirely on the movie Como Agua Para Chocolate/Like Water for Chocolate. (Watch it!)
This was a work in exploring different types of love than usually appear in literature (at least traditionally romantic types). There's the soft, respectful love that can give you a happy life, even if it's not one full of burning passion (Sasuke&Sakura, maybe Shizune&Kakashi) and those that last a lifetime, regardless of whether they're ever fulfilled (Tsunade&Dan, Sakura&Kakashi). But I also like the idea that to love someone doesn't mean you have to hate any other romantic interest you ever had. (i.e. if Sasuke is still alive she doesn't have to hate him in order to fall in love with/be with Kakashi, and vice versa) There are all different types and kinds of love in life.
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Old Flame
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Sakura had made many promises to Sasuke over the years, vows to do whatever she could for him, to shoulder his pain, to ease his burden, to simply be there for him. So when he asked her to be his wife, to help him rebuild his clan in so many more ways than just bearing his children, she didn't look back.
She didn't think about the burgeoning relationship she'd unintentionally formed with Kakashi during Sasuke's many absences over the years. She didn't think about how Kakashi must feel slightly abandoned, despite knowing the power her promises would have over her. She didn't think of possible other futures, of might-have-beens, she locked that all away in a dark, out of the way corner of her heart.
All that mattered was that Sasuke had asked and she would respond. She was a kunoichi, and Konoha shinobi always kept their word.
Years passed and her life changed in ways she never could've imagined. She had children and they gave her more joy than she thought possible, even if there were trials and heartache along the way.
She and Sasuke tried for many children; what with her not being from the Uchiha bloodline their children wouldn't be pureblood. There was no knowing who would more dominantly inherit their father's blood and the capability for the sharingan, so they just had to enlarge the pool as much as possible.
It was inevitable for her to miscarry.
Sasuke had been there for the first, but he hadn't been for the second.
She didn't blame him for it though, no more than she blamed him for not being there any other time. Besides, there was no way to plan for this sort of thing. It wasn't like it had been expected, especially when she'd had pregnancies come to term in between.
The only thing she blamed Sasuke for was leaving her alone when it was inevitable for Kakashi to show up. Before she even opened her eyes upon waking that first morning in the hospital, she knew he was there. Even knowing how he hated hospitals, how there'd been this strange dynamic between them ever since she'd accepted Sasuke's proposal, even knowing he was Hokage and had so many other things on his plate, it was inescapable. She trained her eyes on the door and not five minutes passed before he walked through the door, hokage robes draped over one arm.
"Sorry I'm late, I had a meeting," he said by way of apology, lifting the robes to show it was a legitimate excuse this time.
She smiled at him, tears in her eyes. "Baka."
Then his robes were draped over a chair and he was holding her as she sobbed into his chest. It felt like hours passed like that, and it was both the first and last time they let themselves get that close. Once she was cried out Kakashi retreated to the chair and they returned to what passed as a normal equilibrium for them. Despite his duties as Hokage, he managed to spend more than half of every day with her, spreading his other obligations between Shizune, Naruto, and anyone else he could pawn them off on.
In the following days Kakashi was there for her when she needed him, even going so far as to hold her hand when she neared tears again, his own sometimes trembling. She saw it all there in his eyes. On the surface was all the sorrow and sympathy appropriate for the circumstances, but beyond that there was tenderness and anguish. The connection between them had only grown through the years, despite their separation, and while he certainly was happy she'd found such a contented life, he couldn't entirely hide his pain from her.
She worried that he saw the same in her eyes, that the might-have-beens weren't as deeply hidden as she thought. It was the reason they never sought each other out, tried never to be alone with each other, only looking when the other one wasn't, or catching subtle glances from the corners of their eyes.
After a week she was discharged to recuperate at home and Kakashi's visits were over now that Ino was all but living with her to take care of her. Her friend ranted and raved over Sasuke's absence but she didn't understand, not like Sakura did. Kakashi appeared one last time, to let her know she could call on him for anything if she needed it. That had never needed to be said between them. Even without this strange connection, they'd been teammates, and they were family, in a way. She knew she could depend on any of her boys for a thing, regardless of what she needed.
Then she noticed how far he stood from her, the eye-closing smile that graced his face, and understood he'd come to say this in his capacity as Hokage. He'd probably made this same visit a hundred times to different kunoichi under his command, a hundred more to shinobi with other wounds, and more than he'd care to count to families of the deceased.
"Let me know when you feel up to returning to your duties but don't rush yourself. Take all the time you need," he said as his parting statement, already heading for the door.
When he was gone Sakura let out a sigh of relief. It was good having him there and she was immensely grateful for the time he'd spent with her, but there was too much tension. She couldn't deal with it well enough right then.
Sasuke was home a few days later and was immediately at Sakura's side. He held her all through Ino's rants, not saying a word to contradict her. When her friend finally ran out of breath, looking slightly confused at the man who wouldn't say a single word in his defense, she raised her hands in defeat.
"Fine, I leave Sakura in your care, but if you even think of scampering off again while she needs you there will be hell to pay."
Sakura just smiled at her friend's antics and snuggled closer to Sasuke. He was a good husband, better than she'd ever expected, even if no one else knew it. He stayed for eight months after that, longer than he'd stayed in Konoha since he'd been twelve. He was simply too restless to remain there for any longer, but that wasn't even the biggest factor. All his guilt drove him on, all his regrets, all his fears, they wouldn't let him stay where he most wanted to be: with his family. He didn't feel he deserved it. And while it pained him because he knew they all suffered some because of it too, he was the one who felt the separation the most.
During those eight months he was doting, just like he always was at home, at least in private. He played with the kids, helped them with their studies and their exercises, even helping them do - or sometimes escape from - their chores. With her, he knew she needed distraction. He hadn't been paying lip service when he said he wanted her to help him completely rebuild his clan.
There were so many things that had been lost when his family had been wiped out: histories, techniques, legacies, heritage, even lineage. Some things had been common knowledge in the clan he'd simply been too young to learn then while others were only written down and shared at some milestone event. They'd slowly been piecing these things together over the years, something Sakura was honored he shared with her instead of keeping close to himself, and now they worked at it together in earnest. Deciphering things intended to be cryptic, or even distinguishing between what was intentionally cryptic and what was mysterious simply because they were missing a piece of crucial information that might've been common at the time, took a sharp mind. There were charts and notes scattered all around that took ages just to go through, let alone figure how they connected with one another.
Sakura dove into the work with relish and was well established in it, and back at work at the hospital, by the time Sasuke felt the need to leave again. The entire brood - they had five children now - walked him to the gate and waved him on his way. This was normal for them. This was okay. Sometimes she wanted more than okay, but that was another thing she stuffed down into that dark, dark corner of her heart.
Then she turned to her children, her beautiful, smiling children, and her heart sang with joy and she raced them all the way home where they played hide-and-seek and tag for the rest of the day.
Years passed and she watched them all grow with pride, even adding two more children to the bunch. Once her youngest was two years old she was able to return to active duty - the time off a luxury not afforded during more strenuous or war torn times - though she still spent most of her time in the hospital. It was a labor of love, doing research and development, and when other allied countries requested permission to send their own shinobi to learn from her, in her own hospital, surrounded by a life's worth of research and unparalleled equipment, she thought life couldn't get much better.
Then came the news that Genma had died.
He was the kind of guy that was everyone's friend, and everyone took his passing to heart, but none more than Shizune, who'd borne him a son not two months prior. Sakura spent the day lamenting with her friend alongside Tsunade, who, recalling that Shizune was still nursing and thus couldn't drink, had left the booze at home. It was a gesture that touched both Shizune and Sakura deeply because Tsunade didn't deal with grief well and always handled it by getting drunk. Her willingness to take it sober by Shizune's side was a testament to the close bond the women shared.
At the end of the night Sakura and Tsunade both told her they'd come over every day for as long as she needed, then went their separate ways, Tsunade to get blazed and Sakura to the Hokage tower. She knew someone else who likely needed some solace right then, and while she'd initially debated the wisdom of going, he'd been there when she'd needed someone, regardless of how hard it might have been for him. The least she could do was return the favor.
Somehow she'd known that, despite the late hour, he wouldn't have gone home yet. She found him just where she expected, sitting behind his desk in an office that was only half his anymore, Naruto well onto his way to moving in. She wasn't necessarily surprised to see the cup of sake in his hand but she was astounded by the amount of empty bottles she saw littering the desk, testament to just how drunk he must already be.
Softly walking over to him she put a hand on his shoulder, letting him know she was there for him if he needed anything. After a few quiet moments he put his hand over hers, gently squeezing before just letting it linger there. Sakura well knew the solace a quiet presence could be, even when words weren't wanted. She'd ask him if he wanted to talk about it but she knew him well enough that, drunk as he was, if he wanted to talk he would.
When he moved his hand to pour himself another glass of sake she pulled up a chair and sat next to him, her back leaning against his arm. Aside from the obvious comfort she was trying to offer she was showing him trust and respect too, her position making it clear she had no intentions of even thinking of looking beneath his mask, which had been pooled around his neck when she'd walked in.
He stilled for a few seconds before relaxing. Then she felt him move against her, twisting, and she turned her head to see what he was up to. A bottle of sake hung in front of her face, dangling from his fingers, and she accepted it gratefully, anxious to get rid of all the build up tension and emotion from the day.
They drank in silence for hours before Kakashi felt the need to move. He lifted the arm Sakura was leaning against causing her to fall back a bit clumsily after all the alcohol she'd had. At first she thought he was just getting up but then his arm closed back around her in an awkward sideways hug and she smiled before wrapping her hands around his forearm and squeezing her acceptance.
They sat like that for who knew how long, Kakashi breathing shakily behind her, and Sakura wished she could hug him properly through his tears.
Dragging herself home in the wee hours of the morning she was glad she'd had the foresight to ask Sai to come over and watch the kids. They all adored him, oddly enough, and she was glad someone had been there to make sure they didn't demolish the house. So as it stood all the kids were asleep when she made her way home and she waved sluggishly at Sai before collapsing into her own bed.
It was a month later that she heard Shizune and Kakashi were to be married. Being so soon after Genma's death, it was apparent to everybody that it was a marriage of convenience. Since Shizune's child was still so young she wouldn't want to work for a while, and while she did get some money on maternity leave, it was a pittance. Konoha just couldn't afford very much and shinobi knew to put money away during the pregnancy to live off of. What most people didn't know though was that Shizune had always been very frugal, but most of her money went toward quietly paying off Tsunade's gambling debts. Financially, she was in dire straights.
Of course, everyone who knew her would be willing to pitch in but that might hurt at her pride, both hers and Tsunade's, and thus she would never allow it. Kakashi, on the other hand, was sitting on more money than people knew, what with his bachelor lifestyle, penny-pinching, and always skipping out on bills as a lark. This was one way he could help his friend without hurting her. Being there for her and the baby, stepping in where Genma couldn't, was of course another obvious advantage.
As for Kakashi, well people would stop bothering him about getting married already at his advanced age.
Sakura was shocked, but happy for them nonetheless. She knew it was a good match, even if it was just a marriage of convenience, but she couldn't help the sharp pinch of pain that came with it. She went to the wedding, a bright smile plastered across her face, and wished them both well with genuine feeling - they were her friends and she truly did want them happy - but afterward she went to the training ground and leveled a few trees. She was rusty, after all, and needed to keep her skills sharp for just in case.
She finally knew how Kakashi had felt all those years watching her with Sasuke. It was bittersweet, in a way. She couldn't look at them too closely but she was glad to see a true bond form between them over time. The casual touches, the way they stood close to each other, attested to the fact that the marriage had been successful. Whether that meant love or just companionship she dared not look close enough to discern. She was ecstatic to know he was happy, that he no longer had to feel on his own while she had a growing family around her, that he could feel part of something. She'd wanted that for him for so long she was gratified to see it come true and with someone else she loved and respected so much.
On the other hand, while she felt she should be able to be with him more easily now, with both of them firmly otherwise engaged, it only became more difficult. In part it was guilt for knowing - but not fully appreciating - how much it had hurt over the years for him to see her happy, without him. Something she completely sympathized with now. In part it was because this connection between them, while muted, hadn't diminished in the least. Sometimes she had trouble looking Shizune in the eye, despite knowing all of them were informed adults and knew exactly where the others stood. After all, Shizune and Tsunade had both stood witness to her start with Kakashi, had watched her walk away to fulfill a promise made to someone else.
Shizune had known what had been between the two, but even as Shizune and Kakashi grew closer together, she never seemed the slightest bit bitter or aggressive toward Sakura. Sakura never could figure out if it was because she just wasn't threatened by her, since it was so obvious they wouldn't act on any stray impulse, because she hadn't grown attached to Kakashi in that way, or because she was simply a better person than Sakura was.
So Sakura was happy for them, solely and purely. She refused to admit to the tiny, infinitesimal kernel of jealousy that had sprouted, instead burying it away with so many other things in that dark, quiet corner of her heart. And if this shared pain, this knowing how he'd felt looking at her all these years, the crazy, jumbled mixture of emotions, made her feel somehow closer to him, well, she buried that too.
She had another purpose, a family to look to, after all.
Spring became summer and something felt off but she couldn't quite put her finger on what it was so she shrugged it off. However when summer turned to fall she figured it out.
Sasuke had been gone too long.
He'd never been gone for longer than five months before. Occasionally he was gone on a mission so they could have a general guideline of when to expect him back. Most times though he was just travelling on his own, trying to learn the world over, to see it again with eyes not tainted by revenge and hate.
Sometimes he had a general idea of where he was going, but not always. If able to he'd update them by messenger hawk, letting the family know of new destinations or timelines, but trained hawks weren't always available. Sometimes he was gone a week, other times for months, but never had it been this long and never had she had this unsettled feeling in the pit of her stomach.
She'd mentioned it offhandedly to Naruto who'd instantly put together a search party, hokageship be damned. The entire council had learned to deal with and even come to expect things like this by now, though, and dealt with his announced departure with equanimity, Kakashi stepping back in during his absence.
All parties involved refused to allow Sakura to take part in the search. When she'd screeched and wailed about the stupidity of not letting her look for her own husband, they'd forced her to hear why and their reasons had seemed, well, reasonable. She'd conceded the point.
The first reason was her children. She had seven of them now, ranging in ages from seventeen to three, who needed to be raised in the Uchiha tradition. If something had already happened to Sasuke, and something befell her as well, who would watch over them?
The second was similar. If, again, something had happened to Sasuke, she was the only one left with the wealth of knowledge about the clan the pair of them had worked out in the past two decades. Even her oldest, Sarada, for all her learning, knew only a fraction of what Sakura knew. If Sakura died all of that knowledge perished with her. That's not what Sasuke would want and it would be tantamount to breaking her promise to him, willfully letting all that information be destroyed. She couldn't compile everything they'd discovered in a few days, let alone the few hours before the search party departed, and everyone else knew it.
They came back with his mangled body four days later. Sasuke, her husband, was dead.
A single tear trickled its way down her face as she watched them enter through the gate but she dashed it away angrily. NO. She didn't have time for that now. First she had to find out who was responsible because someone was going to pay.
Those standing near her or coming to console her took a hasty few steps back at the change in her aura but Sakura didn't notice. She stomped her way to the morgue at the hospital, unconsciously leading a small funereal line. Grief could come later, would probably always be there like a specter over her shoulder, but right now she needed something, someone to direct her rage at.
For right now she had a morgue to prepare because she wasn't going to leave until she was done.
She spent the next thirty-seven hours straight working on his body, trying to find the cause of death. She took no break for eating or sleeping, only drinking fluids when her assistants forced them under her nose. She took them gratefully, if somewhat grudgingly, because somewhere in the back of her mind she knew that if she dehydrated and passed out someone else might take over, someone less competent, and she couldn't allow that.
In hour thirty-eight she slumped over, defeated. There was no one to direct her anger at. Sasuke had died of a brain aneurism, one situated right behind his left eye. There was no way of knowing whether his sharingan was related, but she felt it likely was. He'd done a lot of damage to his eyes in his earlier years and that had likely affected everything else around them.
All the damage to his body had simply been nature, a combination of rot, decomposition, and scavengers.
He was just so young it felt unjust. Sure, the life expectancy for shinobi wasn't that high but that was because of they were in a dangerous business. It was the fatality rate on missions, of dangerous stunts gone wrong, not stupid natural causes. If you weren't stabbed in the gut you were supposed to live to see old age. It wasn't fair. She didn't care that she knew full well that fairness had no place in real life, but that wasn't the place she was in at that moment. Now that rage was gone despair had taken up residence and it was heavy.
The funeral came and went and Sakura filled her time with doing one of the things that had prevented her going on that search: writing everything down. It wasn't just a work of piecing things together and writing them verbatim, though. She and Sasuke had decided early on that they would tweak things, put more emphasis on teamwork, honor among comrades, trust, and dedication. There was just a hint of ego, of prideful thinking in most everything they came across, and they wanted to eradicate anything that could ever tip the clan into thinking of an uprising again, anything that could bring them close to being wiped out. Besides, Sasuke always said he knew he and those of his clan were of top quality. He didn't need some old decaying document to tell him so, so why would any of his descendants?
She poured herself into it, her children helping and learning at the same time, and it became her life's work. But eventually she ran out of things to write, had wrung the meaning out of even the most nuanced, obscure piece of text she'd had, and it was complete. She was not, but it was, and that helped.
Her children grew and started getting married, and Sakura renewed her effort in the research and development at the hospital. That had been holding at the status quo a bit while she'd been working on the Uchiha history and manifest, but now she was back with a fervor and it felt good.
Her fourth child got married and she was starting to feel old, but she couldn't much bring herself to care when Sarada placed her very first grandchild on her lap. It was a strange but brilliant feeling, and when she looked into her beautiful dark brown eyes, she knew the darling girl would one day have a sharingan. It gave her peace.
Life kept moving apace, and with the passing of time it was only inevitable for losses to start coming more and more often.
Soon came the news that Tsunade had died. Sakura felt the blow like a physical dart in her chest. Tsunade's passing hurting just as much, if not even more so than Sasuke's had. In some ways the blonde had been a mother to her, in other ways a mentor, in others a very dear friend. When she felt like it Tsunade had still been working in the hospital, still bellowing at everyone for being incompetent and showing them carefully how they could improve themselves. They'd all known she had to be aging, but with her jutsu it was anyone's guess as to how well.
Shizune didn't allow anyone to see the body and they respected Tsunade enough, even with her quirks in vanity, to accede. Her body was buried next to her beloved Dan and Sakura had to admire the kind of love that could last, unattained, for a lifetime.
The following weeks were a blur and somehow it came as no big shock when Shizune passed away in her sleep not much later. Despite her relationship with Kakashi everyone knew she was still closest with Tsunade. They'd been attached at the hip for decades and it took more than death to break that kind of love.
Sakura was too distraught to think of truly trying to comfort Kakashi about the passing of his wife. He'd come seen her after Sasuke's death, right before the funeral was held, and while she appreciated the gesture there wasn't much to say at the time. She'd been a cried out husk at the time, watching her children sobbing quietly in the house when they thought no one was watching, then staying stoic while in the public eye. He'd rustled her hair like the old days and she'd leaned unthinking into him, and he held her loosely while she tried to gather herself together to face the funeral party.
But now she was an emotional wreck so what could she offer? She sought him out just once, giving him a hug so tight she had to heal him after, then they both went their separate ways again to deal with their grief. She saw him at the funeral but then not again for weeks. If not for the son he'd raised with Shizune he likely would've cut himself off from the world, but as it was he had to be there for his kid.
They had occasional play dates as time passed, but that was the most they saw of each other. They passed each other in hallways and streets with a smile and nod of acknowledgement, a glint in each other's eyes, but they didn't seek each other out. They had children to worry about now.
Eventually, Kakashi's son started coming over on his own. At first Sakura had been hurt, thinking that Kakashi had gone so far as to actually start avoiding her, but then she looked closer. He didn't come over to hang out with everyone, he didn't even spend much time with the older boys he'd always looked up to. No, he spent almost all his time mooning over her youngest daughter, looking away just long enough for the girl to glance at him. Sakura had to smile; it was simply too cute.
After a few more years of watching the pair bloom to courtship, the two were wed in the most adorable ceremony Sakura had ever seen. That such an loveable, exuberant, and outwardly emotional boy could be raised by Kakashi was quite a feat and made her laugh, especially when he dragged his pop up to the front of the crowd to thank him with blubbering words for all he'd done for him over the years. Seeing Kakashi flustered never got old, especially when he couldn't really escape, what with the way his son was latched onto him. All in all it was just the perfect day.
Sakura was surrounded by friends and family, her last child was married and settled, and she had grandkids galore to run around her feet and make her smile with their chubby cheeks. Her life was wonderful. It only lacked one thing.
And that thing had made his escape from the front and was making his way right toward her. He leaned down in front of her and extended his hand, not even attempting to be subtle.
"What do you say we get out of here?"
There was a chorus of "Oooo"s and cheers from those around them, most especially her family, and she had to give them an incredulous if appreciative look, wondering just how unsubtle they'd been in their appreciative looks and growing attentions.
They walked hand in hand - couldn't much race away anymore at their age - away from the wedding, letting the sounds diminish behind them, simply taking their time and drinking in the moment. There was no rush; they knew their destination.
And when they reached Kakashi's soft bed after their long, meander walk, arthritic joints and geriatric muscles did nothing to hinder them. They were tender and violent in their outpouring, wild as a tempest and smooth as a whisper they were in their love for each other. It was many, many things to them, this first coming together, after so many, many years of longing and waiting, but above all it was perfection.
When their kids found them in the morning they both had smiles written into the wrinkles on their faces, their bodies curled around each other. Those left behind couldn't even feel too sad because they knew Sakura and Kakashi had finally known true happiness with the other.
If there was any better way to go, none of them knew it.
~ ~ ~
A/N: This was originally going to be a different, angstier story, but then it changed to this which is based pretty much entirely on the movie Como Agua Para Chocolate/Like Water for Chocolate. (Watch it!)
This was a work in exploring different types of love than usually appear in literature (at least traditionally romantic types). There's the soft, respectful love that can give you a happy life, even if it's not one full of burning passion (Sasuke&Sakura, maybe Shizune&Kakashi) and those that last a lifetime, regardless of whether they're ever fulfilled (Tsunade&Dan, Sakura&Kakashi). But I also like the idea that to love someone doesn't mean you have to hate any other romantic interest you ever had. (i.e. if Sasuke is still alive she doesn't have to hate him in order to fall in love with/be with Kakashi, and vice versa) There are all different types and kinds of love in life.