Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Weapons of Old and New ❯ Sixteen ( Chapter 16 )

Weapons of Old and New

Or, Not Another Super Naruto Story

(Really. It's Not.)

By Andrew J. Talon

Disclaimer: Oh, yeah. I SO own Naruto. That's why I have to bust my ass working at minimum wage to pay for college. Psh. Sure.

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Naruto hated hospitals. The smell of disinfectant, the long white and sterile hallways, the primly-dressed doctors and nurses who would always glare at him…

 

Obviously, Naruto knew that this wasn't Konoha Hospital. No one would try to kill him with malpractice here. He wasn't even injured.

 

But the sight of a needle, even when it was going into someone else… He repressed a shudder. Kakashi looked up from his ever-present copy of Icha Icha Travels, leaning against the pale wall facing the genin. Naruto shrugged, and turned his attention to the door of the small room he and the Copy Nin were waiting outside of. A pretty nurse with auburn hair emerged, her bright green eyes brightening.

 

“They're all going to be fine, gentlemen,” she said cheerfully. “All three suffered only minor concussions.” Sakura came out from the room after the nurse, cringing a bit at the “concussions” part. Naruto sighed and shook his head. He couldn't blame her, really, and not having Rei continually trying to molest him was a welcome change of pace…

 

But did Sakura really have to hit her so hard on their way back?

 

“Right. Sai should be here with the ANBU retrieval squad for Yun and Misa in the morning. We'll stay here and guard them until then.” Kakashi turned to the pretty nurse. “Nurse, can you get us some chairs please?”

 

The nurse didn't respond, staring dreamily at Naruto. The blond gulped, and slowly scooted a bit to his left away from her.

 

“Excuse me, are you sure you're allright, Mr…?” The nurse inquired. Naruto gulped.

 

“Er… Uzumaki. Naruto Uzumaki.” The nurse took a step forward, still smiling dreamily, but with a glint in her eyes Naruto recognized. Uh oh… FOX! DAMNIT!

 

The Kyuubi made no reply.

 

“Are you completely sure? Because I can give you a complete physical right now and-“

 

“Ahem,” Sakura stated flatly. “I happen to be a competent battlefield medic, and Naruto is just fine,” the pink-haired kunoichi growled, seemingly dropping the temperature in the hallway by several degrees. The nurse, Naruto, and even Kakashi all shivered.

 

“A-A-Alright! Well then, I must be off!” The nurse turned and began walking down the hallway, but not before throwing a shy wink at Naruto over her shoulder. The blond grimaced.

 

“Naruto! What the hell is going on here?!” Sakura demanded, grabbing him by the collar. Naruto glared at a silently snickering Kakashi over the furious girl's shoulder, before turning and facing her.

 

“Look, I don't know what's going on, okay! Really!”

 

“Liar! Why the hell is every female seemingly dropping right into your arms! Is this some kind of jutsu, you pervert?” Sakura snarled. Naruto gulped and smiled sheepishly.

 

“Er… It… Doesn't seem to be affecting you, right?” Naruto blinked, and blushed as Sakura continued to glare daggers into his eyes.

 

“Um, Sakura-chan, can you take your hands off… Er…” Sakura blinked, anger momentarily chased from her face, and she instinctively squeezed her hands. Naruto squeaked, his blush turning even brighter. Sakura blushed with him, and drew back.

 

“You-You-YOU PERVERT!” Sakura threw a punch, which Naruto dodged with a yelp, the concrete wall behind him now possessing a two-foot across crater in it. Naruto leapt away, turning a cartwheel to evade Sakura's jump kick. He skidded down the hall as he landed in a crouch, leaping back up to avoid a power slam from the furious girl.

 

“That's enough!” Kakashi stated, loudly but calmly. His voice brought Sakura up short, her eyes widening slightly as though in a trance. Naruto felt the tell-tale signs of a genjutsu trying to influence him through his chakra senses, but was able to avoid the tendrils of spiritual energy from ensnaring his mind.

 

“This is a hospital, so there will be no rampaging or fighting. Save it for any Sound Nin that come,” Kakashi concluded, and Naruto felt the chakra tendrils cease their assault. Sakura relaxed visibly, and bit her lip, before standing up and turning around, walking to the hospital room. She passed by Kakashi and closed the door behind her, as Naruto stood back up and blinked at his sensei.

 

“You shrugged off my genjutsu,” Kakashi observed. Naruto rubbed the back of his head, smirking slightly.

 

“Wasn't too powerful though.”

 

“No, but it is one that you should have at least been caught by,” Kakashi added, his eyes scrutinizing Naruto. The blond ninja shrugged, his smirk remaining in place.

 

“I'm just that awesome, sensei,” Naruto returned. Kakashi frowned under his mask.

 

“Seems that way… Now then, get your Kage Bunshin patrolling outside. If anything sneaks in, at least we'll have some warning.”

 

“Hai sensei,” Naruto replied, quickly creating several clones and having them all flash away, mentally ordering them to split up their squads by at least double once outside. He turned back to see his sensei looking at the blond with his arms crossed over his chest, a serious look on his face.

 

“Er… Anything else, Kakashi-sensei?” Naruto inquired. Kakashi slapped his Icha Icha twice against his vest, and Naruto stared at the orange book, blinking.

 

“There is something very important I've been meaning to discuss with you, Naruto,” Kakashi stated gravely. Naruto blinked, before sighing.

 

“Look, if you want a signed copy-“

 

“Do I!” Kakashi squealed, disturbingly like a little schoolgirl, as he thrust a pen and the book under Naruto's nose. The blond sweatdropped, and shoved them away.

 

“Look! Kakashi-sensei, I didn't write that! I mean, I did write those… Stories, but not full of perverted junk! The perverted stuff didn't happen!” Kakashi blinked incredulously.

 

“Naruto.”

 

Naruto gulped, as his sensei's aura took on a distinctively dark edge.

 

“You're telling me… That you walked in on Tsunami in the shower, and didn't have mind-blowing sex with her?” Kakashi asked, eyebrow twitching slightly. Naruto coughed, and blushed.

 

“Uh, er… Um… I… I did walk in on her in the shower, but-“

 

“Then are you gay?” Kakashi asked flatly. Naruto sputtered.

 

“W-WHAT?!”

 

“Only a gay man, or a retarded fool, would not take such an opportunity offered him!” Kakashi declared dramatically, eerily resembling Gai in his pose. He furiously leafed through the book.

 

“Are you telling me that you didn't take her against the shower wall, under the hot water as-“

 

“NO! I just walked in on her and fell into the tub, that's all I swear!” Naruto half-screeched. Kakashi snorted, and flipped through the book to another chapter.

 

“You're telling me that you didn't romance that Sand kunoichi Temari, sister of the Kazekage, at a desert oasis in the moonlight, with thousands of stars above highlighting your-“

 

“If she'd bothered to watch where she was going, we wouldn't have ended up like… That…” Naruto shuddered. “Gaara nearly tore me to shreds and kept me in his gourd when he found us!”

 

“In the afterglow of-“

 

“NO! I just fell on her! Seriously!”

 

“What about-?”

 

“Sasame walked in on me, screamed, and ran out!” Naruto defended himself, incredibly red. Kakashi sighed, and looked forlornly down at the hard floor below their feet. Naruto gulped.

 

“Alas, Naruto… I can come to no other solution than…” Kakashi choked back a sob, as Naruto's eyes widened. The Copy Nin threw his hands up into the air.

 

“It's all my fault, Naruto! If only I'd given you the time and attention you needed! If only I'd seen that Sasuke was ill-suited to taking up my mantle as the Konoha Playboy! I can't believe I wasted all that time on refining his macking skills!” Naruto facefaulted, hanging his head in mortification. God, why do I always get the crazy teachers?

 

“But don't you worry, Naruto! I'll correct all my mistakes! You'll see! The first lesson, straight from Icha Icha Paradise Volume 5, is-“ Naruto raised up his hands, shaking them wildly.

 

“Nonononono! Kakashi-sensei, it's okay! Really! I mean…” He just knew he was going to regret this… “I was lying.”

 

Kakashi looked at Naruto, blinking. “Hm?”

 

“I was lying! You see, I can't let it get out too far that Naruto Uzumaki is the real Naruto Uzumaki in those stories, you see?” Naruto explained, smiling uneasily as inside his mind a chibi Naruto was beating his head against a wall. “I knew I should have used a penname, but there have to be plenty of Uzumaki Narutos out there, right?”

 

Kakashi blinked. Naruto blinked back, still smiling… Before letting out an oof! As Kakashi (once more) embraced him.

 

“I'm so proud of you, Naruto! I knew I wasn't as terrible and neglectful a teacher as I thought! I knew it!” Kakashi fairly bawled. Naruto awkwardly patted Kakashi on the back, his inner self groaning and stating that they were completely doomed.

 

“So-!” Naruto sighed, pulled out a pen from his vest, and signed the book, highly disturbed by the image of Kakashi eagerly cradling the book to his chest and scampering off. Naruto rubbed his head… And then grinned as he felt some information come into his brain from a kage bunshin.

 

Allright guys, go get `em!

 

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“This the place?” The Oto jounin gave an exasperated look to his subordinate, who chuckled and scratched the back of his head nervously.

 

“Considering that this is a hospital, and the source said the bitches were taken here… What do you think?!” The chuunin fell back on his butt, grimacing under his balaclava at the hard texture of the roof under his bottom.

 

“Sorry sir.” The jounin sighed.

 

“Just shut up already, idiot! We need to slip in… Find where they're keeping them…”

 

“Ahem.” The jounin glared at his subordinate.

 

“WHAT?!” The chuunin gulped.

 

“I-I didn't… Say it,” he mumbled, pointing shakily behind his superior. The jounin turned around. He blinked at the dozen black and orange-clad blond ninjas on the roof behind them. They were all grinning at the Sound nin unpleasantly, the afternoon sun glinting off their drawn kunai.

 

“Uh… Um… And to our left… Gentleman… Is the Tawny Town Eko Memorial Hospital,” he began shakily. “Know for it's… Uh… Advanced medical… Stuff.”

 

The shadow clones sighed as one, the leader shaking his head. “Seriously… You can do better than that.” The Sound Nin stood up, drawing their own kunai.

 

“S-Stand back! I'm a jounin of the Sound Village! You can't possibly all take me on!” The Sound jounin declared. The twelve Narutos frowned. The lead one spoke.

 

“Maybe not… But I'm betting that those guys can.” The clone pointed behind the two Sound nin, and they turned their heads. At least two dozen additional shadow clones grinned and waved at them from the roof of the next building over.

 

“Uh oh…” the chuunin gulped.

 

“U!”

 

“ZU!”

 

“MA!”

 

“KI!”

 

“NARUTO RENDAN! THREE DOZEN COMBO!”

 

Both Sound nin didn't even have time to scream before they were beaten into unsightly pulps. The Kage Bunshin dropped both hapless ninja into a dumpster, before resuming their patrols.

 

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As the shadows lengthened, Sakura looked out the window to sigh, before turning back to the bed of Rei Enkidu to check her vitals once more. The girl still smiled in her sleep, her last memory no doubt being of cuddling up to Naruto.

 

Something we should be doing! Shannaro! Cheered Inner Sakura. Outer Sakura sighed, and ignored her inner personality. She stood up and walked to the other two beds, holding the other two Sound missing-nin. She pushed aside the curtains concealing them from view, and shook her head.

 

How can they look so alike…? Did Kin have sisters? Was she a quadruplet? It seemed unlikely. The autopsy on Kin's body should have revealed whether or not there was evidence of her belonging to such a large family. Certain chakra signatures that stayed with someone from the womb would confirm this, but the medical reports Sakura had studied had not indicated anything of the sort from the Sound kunoichi's body.

 

Curiouser and curiouser, she thought, her own chakra-scans revealing that these nin had very different elemental sensitivities. This also wouldn't make sense with twins or siblings-Family lines often favored one elemental affinity over another, such as the Uchihas with fire.

 

And yet… They look like part of one entire family, she mused, her gaze shifting from one nearly identical face to the next. A cold chill settled in the pit of her stomach, and she drew the drapes shut, walking over to a chair nearby Enkidu's bed and sitting down. She leaned back and looked up at the ceiling, sighing.

Just what have we uncovered here…?

 

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I hope that was more satisfying than the last chapter. Don't worry Monster Maker, the Kyuubi will return with a vengeance next time!

 

Thank you all for your patience and reviews! I hope to surpass 150 with this post! Help me make it happen! It'll encourage me to update all the more faster!