Original Stories Fan Fiction ❯ *Hey Listen* ❯ Chapter 1

*Hey! Listen!*

He was texting me again… It'd been a while since I've heard from him. My heart leapt the familiar ringtone, then plummeted. I didn't want to pick up the phone, but my body moved of its own accord… as it usually did when this happened. I read the message.

Blah… what's up with you?

I chuckled and texted a quick response, setting the phone down again. I tried to concentrate on the show I was watching, but I couldn't help it. My focus was on the phone next to me. Why did my body betray me like this!? He's not for me, I thought, like a mantra in my head, He's not for me… something's not right… he's not for me…

*Hey! Listen!*

Again with the stupid heart leaping! I grabbed the phone and read the text.

Same here… Been working.

I sighed and set the phone back down. I needed to stop this. This was how it always started with him! I closed my eyes, resolved to just let it go. Unbidden, thoughts and images flooded my head… His mouth on my neck, my hands in his hair, his name whispered from my lips. I stood up and went into the kitchen to get a bottle of water. Forget it… forget it… forget it… I chanted. You know it won't change… that feeling is still there… he's not the right one… he's not…

*Hey! Listen!*

Like an idiot I picked up the phone again.

Sigh…

I sighed as well. I knew what the sigh meant. I had that very same sigh. I texted back and put the phone down. I had to stop this. I had to stop talking to him, stop seeing him. He knew! He knew everything from the beginning but he didn't seem to care. And like an idiot, here I was, falling back into the familiar… into the trap…

*Hey! Listen!*

I ignored it. I took a drink of water and let the cold water slide down my throat. It felt good. I turned the television off, picked up my phone and went back to my room. It was 1am, too late to be up… too late to be able to think clearly when this was happening…

*Hey! Listen!*

My body rebelled yet again. I picked it up and read the messages.

Poke.

I miss you.

My heart ached as it read. Stupid heart. What did it know!? The heart was stupid, weak, and didn't take into account truth and reality. Tears pricked my eyes as I texted back. As I sent the text I despised myself. I rebuked my actions and my words. I never knew a person could be torn in two, but that's how it felt. I know it's not love… I KNOW that… But why then, did I keep going back? It was this same stupid conversation with myself again. The one where my head totally wins, but only after my body gets what it wants.

*Hey! Listen!*

My eyes closed again as I heard the ringtone. More images flooded into my head… His fingers intertwining with mine, his mouth covering my mouth, his arm pulling me closer against his chest… “Stop it!” I said out loud to myself. My eyes shot open and I grabbed my phone.

:*

I felt my insides melt as I imagined the kiss. I shook my head. I put the phone down and didn't answer. How could I? This cycle kept going and going… and each time we both got hurt… I hurt just as much as he did when I said the words. They were the words that I said the first time we ever…hung out. “I don't know how I know… I just know. The feeling doesn't change. You're not the one for me, and I know that.” Saying it out loud didn't help much. It hurt him… it hurt me to hurt him. But the cycle continued.

*Hey! Listen!*

I groaned this time and grabbed my phone.

Eeeeerg…

I laughed, texted back, and put the phone down. It's not my fault he's in a mood... well, kinda… but still! I shook my head. I had to admit, it was fun.

*Hey! Listen!*

I know, I know. Still… I miss you. You need to be here.

And just like that… His hand grabbing my hair, pulling me to his mouth for a punishing kiss, my nails across his back, my leg wrapping over his hip… I texted back and put the phone down. I knew this had to stop. It wasn't going to change. I'd tried, hadn't I? I'd tried! It wasn't like I hadn't tried! I tried to make it work… I thought it was just fear of commitment, fear of actually saying yes. Instead of feeling relief, it'd been panic… not the usual panic, but a sick-to-my-stomach-end-it-now kind of panic. Why did making the commitment cause such panic!? Another image in my head… Sitting next to him on the couch, taking his hand as my head rested on his shoulder… Stupid, idiotic, selfish Bitch! Can't you understand how selfish you're being!? Drop him! It's kinder to just drop him than to keep this stupid cycle going, keeping either of us from being able to move on, to keep hurting each other over and over and over…

*Hey! Listen!*

I grabbed my phone and almost threw it across the room, but I didn't. Like the selfish bitch I was, I looked at the message.

If that's what you want then you should come over.

I froze, hand on my phone, inner struggle commencing. His teeth on my shoulder, him holding me as I cried, telling me it was ok, that he understood, the hurt in his eyes, the shake of his voice, him holding me… I texted back and as I pressed send, I dropped the phone onto the bed. Agony… it was complete agony! Why did it hurt so much to be away from him!? It hurt to be with him, and it hurt to be away from him! All I knew, is that one hurt less than the other, and I had to follow that, and stick with it, or it was going to kill me.

*Hey! Listen!*

Yeah, you're right. It's late. Night.

I sighed, texted back, and let the traitorous tears fall. This was better… this hurt was less than the hurt of going through everything yet again. It was a victory really…. a crippling, crushing, horribly devastating victory. I'd get through this… I would. In silence, I stared at the wall, wishing I could bang my head against it until it bled and hurt more than this pain in my stomach and chest.

Just silence… the loudest silence…

.

.

.

*Hey! Listen!*

I'm on my way.