Ouran High School Host Club Fan Fiction ❯ Curse of the 'Flu ❯ Under the Influence ( Chapter 14 )

CHAPTER XIV: “Under the Influence”

 

Tamaki held the bag up. `Are you sure?' he said.

`I am sure, sir,' replied the shopkeeper.

`And are you certain?' he said.

`I am certain, sir,' replied the shopkeeper.

`How about positive?' he said.

`Yes sir, I am sure, certain, positive, and confident, sir, that the bag you hold in your very hands is the best kind of dog food in the world, sir,' replied the shopkeeper.

Tamaki slapped his card on the counter with a twinkle. `Charge it to my account,' he instructed, `your entire stock.'

The shopkeeper blinked; Tamaki smiled. What a brilliant afternoon he was having, shopping for dog food in a commoner's department store! Unknown to the shopkeeper, he had been to the pet shop for the second time, demonstrating loyalty to the company, as commoners were wont to do once they'd found a company they liked - oh, he was blending in perfectly!

`How would sir like to take his purchase home?' asked the shopkeeper, stamping the string of loyalty cards belonging to Tamaki.

`My courier will take it,' he answered, watching the stamps pile up. Ten more, five more, two more for a bonus… `YES! I have a hundred paw prints! What's the bonus, what's the bonus!?'

The shopkeeper presented Tamaki with a basket lined with sheepskin from the finest flocks in New Zealand - it sparkled, just a little.

Tamaki trembled; Antoinette would love this! He yanked the string of loyalty cards, bringing the shopkeeper within inches of his face. `You are a generous and considerate man,' he murmured, touching the shopkeeper's cheek.

`I'm fifteen,' said the shopkeeper. `This is my job.'

`And you excel at it…'

`Thanks, but-'

`May I see your manager? I would like to tell your manager how happy I am…'

`Please sir, there's no need…'

`It's a shame you don't go to my school; you would have done well as a member of my club…'

`Sir, I have to work now…'

A bottle slammed itself on the counter.

`I want to buy this,' said-

`Kyouya!' cried Tamaki; he released the shopkeeper and proudly displayed the dog basket. `What make you of this, eh? It's a reward for my loyalty!'

Woof!

`I want this,' said Kyouya.

Tamaki peered at the bottle. `What do you want with that?'

`None of your business.'

`But it's fish medicine…'

`Perfect.'

Ha?

`But you don't own any fish…'

`I do. I have some in my head.'

The shopkeeper and Tamaki exchanged glances.

Tamaki hooked Kyouya's arm. `Excuse us,' he said, `we'll be right back. Now Kyouya,' he whispered, leading him away, `would you mind confirming whether you're drunk or momentarily insane?'

`I have no idea what you're talking about. Where is my medicine?'

`That was a pet shop. They sell medicine for pets. We're going to a pharmacy, which sells medicine for humans.'

`I see… No wonder you go to school.'

Tamaki couldn't find a pharmacy. And he couldn't find a person who knew where a pharmacy was. `The commoners are against us,' he said, eyes darting around. `They don't want us to find medicine; they don't want us to heal Kyouya!' He noticed an ice-cream parlour. `Ooh, let's go in there!'

 

 

Kyouya stared at the ice-cream in his hand, as if he had never seen one. `Not like this, anyway,' he observed to himself, and gave it a tentative nibble. He was oblivious to Tamaki's gawping.

`You better tell me what's up,' said Tamaki.

And under the influence of mint, Kyouya did.

`Oh,' said Tamaki. `I thought it was something serious.'

Kyouya frowned, puzzled by the ants crawling on his microphone. He blew at them, annoyed. `It is very serious,' he stated.

A pregnant pause.

`How serious?' asked Tamaki.

`He's meant to be my wife, not hers.'

Tamaki smiled. `So it's true then,' he said, `you do like Kaoru.'

`Did Kaoru say that? The narcissist bastard! I saw him with Renge. They were all over…' The place? The news? Kyouya ate his microphone. `…each other,' he decided.

`Right,' nodded Tamaki, calling Haruhi under the table.

`I have to go home now. I have to go home and kill fish.'

`I've just called a car for you-'

`A cat?'

`No, a- damn those twins!' Tamaki dialled Hunny's number instead. `Hello there! Just me! Sorry to interrupt but we have a slight crisis and I was wondering if you could send a car straight away because Kyouya is-' Clutching his head and questioning the world in an agitated voice saying, `Why? Why won't the fish die? I saw it and it worked in a film!'

`Okay…' promised Hunny; mildly perturbed (and fully recovered now, thanks!).

A car came and picked Kyouya and Tamaki up, though it was technically only Kyouya, who, by that time, was too far gone to stagger properly.

`What's wrong with Kyouya?' asked Hunny, when they arrived at his mansion. `Does he have the 'flu?'

`No,' said Tamaki, `he has something much worse.' Hunny gasped, covering Usa-chan's ears. `I know.' They both looked at Kyouya now tied to a chair in the middle of Hunny's dojo. `By the way, where's Mori?'

Hunny appeared sheepish. `Well,' he said, `after spending so much time with me, he sort of caught the 'flu again, hahaha…'

Tamaki froze. `Must it consume us all?'

`I'd like the 'flu,' said Kyouya.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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