Ouran High School Host Club Fan Fiction ❯ Found but Lost Again ❯ Found but Lost Again ( Chapter 1 )

~Found But Lost Again~

I found god
on the corner of first and Amistad
Where the west was all but won
All alone, smoking his last cigarette
I Said where you been, he said ask anything

Black sheets gracefully flowed across pearly white skin. The being entwined in the silk sheets had long awakened in body but not in soul. His head lay turned to the side eyes open but not seeing anything but the empty sheets beside him. Empty. The word weighed deeply upon his heart affecting it in ways he never thought possible. The once warmth beside him had cooled causing his body to shiver instinctively from loss. He willed his body to get use to what had been. Were had that warmth gone? Why had it disappeared so suddenly? So unexpected? These were all questions he in no way knew the answer to.

Where were you?
When everything was falling apart
All my days were spent by the telephone
It never rang
And all I needed was a call
That never came
To the corner of first and Amistad

Sighing the dark haired figure reached to grab his glasses on the nightstand. He decided to at least attempt to look awake and out of bed before his sister came in to `rescue' him from his so called depressed mood. She had tried to be gentle with him like he was a crystal vase that has sustained many cracks but was scared this one would shatter it. Little did his sister know that those cracks had been repaired long ago only for him to be shattered apart by the same one who had fixed it. Deciding not to dwell on these thoughts the young man sat up and looked around the room.

Lost and insecure
you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
why'd you have to wait?
Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late
you found me, you found me

His room was bigger now that he had pleased his father enough to be made the heir of the company. Strangely he did not feel anything when it was announced. After mingling with guest just enough to please he slinked away to the bathroom. The dark eyed young man had studied himself in the bathroom mirror for as long as he could before he was forced to return to the many guests that wanted to talk to him. He didn't know what he should have expected to see studying himself. Maybe a change from the normal cold, blank, emotionless eyes hidden behind perfectly cleaned lenses, but there was no change. No change externally nor internally. For a while he didn't understand what was the matter. Wasn't he supposed to be happy his goal was accomplished? Thrilled that he had finally bested his two brothers in his father's eyes? Though he lied to himself saying he didn't know the reason deep down he knew that it wasn't true. Deep down he had known a long time ago, somewhere along the line, the goal had change.

In the end everyone ends up alone
Losing her, the only one who's ever known
Who I am, who I'm not, and who I want to be
No way to know how long she will be next to me

Kyouya knew that somewhere along the way wanting to please his father, exceed his brothers, and inherit the famous Ootori family company became second on his list. Aha, now he knew when it was! It was when his tightly guarded heart had been breached by a certain violet eyed, marble skinned, hopelessly clueless, and peppy blond. The day that blond had gotten him to paint outside the perfectly placed frame that mapped out his entire life. Sometime while he was lost deep inside his mind he had subconsciously gotten up from his bed and walked outside his balcony doors, and he hadn't realized it until he felt the cold wind gently caress his bare chest. A sigh of pleasure escaped his lips at the feel of the cold wind on his hot chest. Kyouya then opened eyelids to reveal sad dark eyes. Those eyes scanned the garden that he had had planted shortly after the………incident. It was a garden but it only contained one type of flower, which used to be his most important person in the world's favorite flower: roses.

Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lying on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Whyd you have to wait?
Where were you, where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, you found me

His heart saddened at the thought of his best friend, boy friend ……lover. The funeral was made for a prince and extremely over the top, just like him. Several girls from the high school were there wearing nothing but black the only thing that might contain color was their tears. Even then their cheeks were still streaked with mascara long after the funeral. All the Host club members were also there and they didn't look any better than him. They all looked shocked, sleep deprived, sad, and hopeless. Kaoru looked slightly when they had walked in. As soon as he saw the prettily framed picture of Tamaki he broke down till when they were sitting down he was held by his brother who's cheeks were also streaked with tears. On a regular basis the girls would have went crazy at the sight but not that day. Honey-sempai eyes were extremely red and puffy, and he was holding Mori-sempai's hand when he walked up to the coffin. He then placed Tamaki's favorite bear on the coffin and collapsed in a fury of tears. Mori, who looked as out of it as everybody else, picked up the distressed honey and took him to his seat. Haruhi was there to wearing her loose black pants and matching baggy sweatshirt with thick coke bottle glasses. Kyouya despite himself didn't want to see her hear for it is her he blamed for Tamaki's death. If she hadn't decided to stay in the club and become so friendly with Tamaki they wouldn't have fought and Tamaki wouldn't be…

Early morning, City breaks
Ive been calling for years and years and years and years
And you never left me no messages
You never send me no letters
You got some kind of nerve, taking all I want

Kyouya cut off his train of thought before he started to cry again. He had put on a brave face by doing everything else but crying at the funeral. The host club members had quickly seen through his act despite his act, not that they said anything. They really didn't have to the pity and sympathetic look on their faces said it all, and he was mad. Not because they saw through his usual calm emotionless, not because they had seen the few lone tears fall down his face every time they said his old lover's name, or because he they could see the defeated look in his eyes. No, it was the fact that that little home-breaking bitch could see his weakness as clear as the light of day. The same girl who had made a ripple in their normal yet crazed club had seen the weakness on his face.

Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lying on the floor
Where were you where were you?

Every time he looked at her he questioned himself with questions like, why did you take him? , Why not her? The question he asked most though was, how come he could never be happy? Every time he took one step closer to happiness he was knocked 3 steps back. That's how life had been before Tamaki one step forward, three steps back, one step forward, three steps back and the same pattern again and again and again. Always the same thing set inside this one perfectly placed frame, until he showed him all-the world outside of it. Tamaki had shown him the sunshine in his darkened life, had helped him take nothing but forward steps, and had pushed him when he started to take a step back. Personally he had thought Tamaki was his gift from God…until he was taken away from him. The young man laughed but it was filled with nothing but bitterness and sarcastic humor. `I must be God's own personal joke' he thought to himself as he stared at the sun filled sky `why else would I be the only human being with absolutely no person to love in my life'. He stared at the sky with nothing but the self-pity and sadness in his eyes. It's not like he tried to think about him if anything he tried with all his might to forget, but that golden blonde hair and those lavender colored eyes filled with child like wonder had left his imprint on the world.

Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lying on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded

Every where he looked he saw Tamaki know the sky, the flowers, his old room all held memories of his one and only love. Kyouya couldn't remember the last time he had felt this way (besides when he had fallen in love with him). All his senses where stuck on Tamaki's scent, taste, feel, and touch. He could remember the taste of him know his favorite rose tea with a hint of mint and, cinnamon. The passing wind filled his nose with the scent of freshly picked strawberries and raspberries. He could still remember the way those delicate well manicured hands felt upon his skin. Kyouya shuddered at just at the memory of it. Now all that was gone along with him, but the memory of it still remained to be forever imprinted on his skin, in his mouth, and upon his body.

Why'd you have to wait?
Where were you, where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, you found me

He closed his eyes as the wind once again whipped upon his chest, but this time it wasn't the wind but Tamaki's hands. He felt how the ghostly fingers touched his chest and shuddered at the feel of the warmth of the fingers running across his chest. He couldn't help but imagine it was not the wind but his lover touching him. For a minute he tricked himself into believing they were actually there, but when he opened his eyes he saw nothing but the roses in the garden below. Kyouya sighed realizing as the warmth disappeared it was only a figment of his imagination nor will it ever be more than that. As he looked up at the sun he saw the face of his lover's smile shining back at him. He realized that while he was gone he would forever remain here without heart or soul wandering lost never to be found again.

why'd you have to wait
to find me, to find me