Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ Third Labor (Forward to the past) ❯ Past Tense, Future Shock ( Chapter 12 )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

Third Labor, Chapter 12 "Past Tense, Future Shock"
...or "To Sleep, Perchance To Dream"

Disclaimer: no smear or insult is intended against the Catholic church, Christianity, Buddhism, Shintoism, Taoism, Zen, Judaism, or any particular race or creed. Well, except for uncute violent tomboys of few (or no) redeeming qualities.

some scenes written by Skysaber

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What impressed Naoko Takeuchi was that the girls obviously weren't trying. She was resting in one of her favorite places in the park, trying to think of what to do now that Sailor Moon was finally laid to rest going through the options she had planned for her next series, whichever *that* would be (there were her sketches of PQ Angels, but frankly she was feeling a bit frazzled), when ten girls had sauntered up and casually taken their seats on the lawn not far from her.

That was actually an aspect of this part of the park the manga artist loved so much, was that it was private in a way others didn't expect. She had based several of her best characters off of moments of other's personalities she had observed from here. She thought of it as her duck blind or African Safari for observing people being honestly who they were. As she was pondering several ideas for another 'magical girl' series, a crowd of young maidens was naturally drawing her attention.

In fact, these girls were blowing her for a loop, and one of the *biggest* things was they were being so casual about it. Even the best actor knows he is on stage, many of them turn that into a type of magnetism to draw their viewers onto the stage with them, immersed in a world of the actor's creating.

This wasn't like that, not at all.

As far as the manga artist could tell these girls had *no* idea they were on stage, and one of the biggest things convincing her of their honesty is what they were getting wrong. Naoko was no stranger to fans or kids doing cosplay, but something here felt different. She was actually
considering going over there and introducing herself to see what their reactions would be when one by one several of the girls broke out bawling.

And it was *not* who she'd have written doing it!

She stayed obscure and watched.

"There, there..." Mina comforted a wailing Susan. "I'm sure he's alright."

*sniff!* "But I should have seen this happening!" the off-duty Scout of Time wailed, trembling under her sister-wife's comforting fingertips. "He may be hurt even *more!*"

Two big teardrops gathered under the corners of Amy's eyes. "And I should be blamed for not seeing to it that he had proper medical help, rather than going off to those refugees like I did." The tears began to run like waterfalls. "He's all alone and I didn't do a thing for him!" Amy buried her head in her sleeve and fountained twin streams of tears that would have done Soun Tendo proud as she bawled.

Rae was sniffing dangerously. "Maybe he doesn't believe any of us still loves him?"

Naoko was watching the girls cry and felt like a heel, overhearing their words when whatever they were going through got to them even out in public. There was something so desperately fascinating about them, however. In spite of this, she almost got up to leave them some privacy, when she was stopped by what came next.

~Luna? Artemis?!?~ The manga author thought in shock.

"Ladies!" The black cat called out, nearly causing the bookish author to have a stroke as it raced quite near her position. Luna came to a halt, panting, and Artemis (who she'd always had a thought was a little braver cat) proved his stamina by not being so winded.

"We think we've found him!" The white cat finished.

All ten girls came erect at one instant. The spell was broken by a caw breaching the air and the dark haired girl Ms. Takeuchi thought was a dead ringer for her own Sailor Mars character shifted her gaze skyward and held up an arm, on which landed twin ravens, who cawed some more at her.

"That's confirmed!" The suddenly galvanized girl cried, rising to her feet smoothly and without dislodging her birds. "Phobos and Diemos just spotted him!"

There was an instant where the manga artist was positively certain she saw all-too familiar symbols flare on each girl's forehead, and all of their gazes swung in one direction as a single united motion. Somehow they were all now standing.

"Silver Millennium Energy!"

"His powers must have recharged themselves!"

A huge, glowing symbol appeared in the sky above, that the artist couldn't quite make out from her vantage point, as it was behind her with some trees in her way, blocking it from her view.

"That's the Thundercat sign!"

"He must be in real trouble!!"

"Scouts!" Mina turned to address her group glowing in confidence. "This calls for an emergency transformation sequence! Let's do it!"

There came a single, united nod, and they all produced little wands that Naoko Takeuchi had drawn *far* too many times not to recognize at this close distance. But this was absurd! It then struck her that she'd never actually seen the like of these. There was a look to cheap plastic toys for girls, and these didn't have it. If anything the short wands bore the marks of *real* otherworldly metals and *real* gems, about the size of golf balls capping them. All of this registered kind of dazedly in the back of the artist's mind as she watched with stunned fascination what went on after this.

The girl who she'd thought a dead ringer for her own Sailor Neptune raised a hand above her head and spoke a single word.

"Cloudburst."

There wasn't even a crack of thunder, but suddenly their clear summer sky became the most dreadful torrent of rain the artist could remember. Shielding her eyes with her hands, the amazed woman noted that the ordinary parkgoers, some of whom had become interested in the antics of the young ladies, were now scattering and picking up blankets and food, paying NO attention to the young ladies in their haste to avoid getting drenched.

And those girls smoothly took advantage of this.

The first to leap into the sky was the girl who looked like Venus, and her friends all formed a barrier around her by throwing their party blankets such that there was a moment that the girl was totally obscured, even for their audience of one who was ignoring the pouring rain to peer through the dampness.

"Venus Star Power!"

What part of the artist's mind was gibbering at her that this was insane and couldn't be happening and maybe she ought to go a little more easy on herself was drowned out by an analytical portion that noted the brief yet intense flash of light from the transformation sequence was confused by the park attendees busily going about their business as ordinary lightning. In her astonishment the author nearly missed the same sequence of thrown blankets repeated for the next girl as Sailor Venus hit the ground.

"Jupiter Star Power!"

The author stood stunned, gripped in fascination in spite of the obscuring sheets of pouring rain as the same sequence was repeated for eight other girls, ending with the redhead calling out. "Earth Star Power!"

~That can't be right.~ The part of Ms. Takeuchi's mind that wasn't terrified she'd gone insane was cataloging. ~I made Tuxedo Mask the guardian of Earth. This girl looks nothing like him, in either form.~ She noted as the perky Sailor touched down.

Then, as soon as it had appeared, the rain was over. There were puddles on the ground in low places but most of the park goers hadn't even picked up all of their things yet.

A bolt of inspiration struck the artist as she noted the disarray, though. There was no way of knowing who had bolted for cover quickly and almost no one was in the same places. The Sailors might have started and ended in the same spot they'd begun, but there was no way any onlooker would know that. Even the rain had added concealment factor, not just diversion.

It was brilliant! She'd have to use it...

Seeing the storm over, one guy who'd lurked fairly nearby noted the girls in *veeery* short skirts and ceased wringing out his jacket to call out to them some invitation or other.

Sailor Neptune had just finished fluffing out her hair after the change, and shot him a stunning yet negatory smile, flashing him a gorgeous gold ring with a huge stone that Naoko had noted on each girl and had been puzzled about. It didn't fit the...

"Sorry," Neptune turned down the man. "We are all married ladies."

An author's jaw fell open wide enough to catch bugs in.

Sailor Uranus gave a confident glance to one and all. "And our husband needs us. Earth Golems! Rise!" The Sailor tossed a fist in the air and three hulking shapes began to stand up out of the ground.

~Husband?! Singular?!~ Takeuchi felt faint as earlier statements clicked into place.

"Air Golems! Fly!" Cried out another Sailor.

"Fire Golems!" Mars cried out.

"Ice Golems!" Mercury shouted, producing a trio of watery servants that had formerly been rainwater puddles.

"Water Golems!" Neptune commanded, claiming the rest, and even the water from some of their observer's clothes.

"Time Golems!" Pluto announced very smugly, watching three figures fade into existence, each so difficult to look upon it was like gazing into a hole through eternity, like infinite reflections without the mirrors.

An author's hair stood out in all directions and her head was nodding, so she missed the rest of these summonings. But a crook who had been hanging out in the park did not. Mindful of the manga, the criminal pulled out a gun and leveled it at the Sailor Scouts in panic, absolutely certain that they had come there just to punish him, and too terrified to rationally accept they shouldn't even exist.

*Bang!*

Venus' head tilted sharply to the side as the gunshot struck her in the side of the face. Her gaze righted itself, hand rubbing her cheek, as she spied the criminal. "That stings, you know!" She shouted.

The horrified gangster began to empty his clip at her, and the perky Sailor Scout seemed to blur as she dodged aside.

"Meteor Beam Shower!"

Naoko was so caught up in watching the beam of light emerge from the girl's fingertip and splitting up, to converge again and strike the gangster from every side in a magnificent explosion, that she almost didn't notice whose arms she was in until Jupiter set her down again.

"Sorry," the Scout apologized, giving the artist a flashy fingertip kind of reverse salute like she'd drawn them giving. "But you were in the way of those bullets, had to get you out of their path."

The manga artist nodded numbly. Then watched from only a foot or so away as the girls all went into identical wind up poses, crying out together. "Eternal Pheonix Wings!" Then they all flew off, trailing some golems while others went on ahead, even the earth-types flying without difficulty and shielding the Sailors rather well in formation.

Absorbing the last of this, Naoko Takeuchi fainted.

-----------

"...you OK? Miss?"

Naoko woke up slowly, wondering at the odd dream she'd had. Opening her eyes, she saw reason to wonder if she was still dreaming.

The gaijin bishonen in camouflage fatigues backed away from her.

"Master?" One of the girls accompanying him looked curiously at him. "Why did your appearance change? And how did we cross dimensions?"

"A designated Prince of the Moon Kingdom summoned all the Knights and Scouts to him. By carrying you with me, we fell short. Hurry now, the Prince might be in danger!"

"Knights?" Naoko asked.

"i am the Knight Of Duty, Nebula. Sumi-chan, carry Siryn."

"Actually, now that we're not likely to be confused, I'd prefer to just be called Lorelei," Siryn said as she was hefted up into a girl's arms.

"Where are we going, Nebula-san?" The one calling herself Lorelei asked.

"If things are getting nuts, the first place to look is the Tendo Dojo," the Knight Of Duty explained.

"Uhm 'Knight of Duty'..." Naoko asked, watching the foursome leave at high speeds. She felt like fainting again. But if she did that, what would she wake up to the next time?!

----------

785 AD:

"Come out, foul wyrm! For thy doom is upon thee!"

"Wouldn't you rather have a nice cup of tea? i've got the water on to boil."

The six man squad exchanged glances among themselves with uncertainty. This cave with the faint smoke trail had been the fifth they'd investigated (the previous four turning up two hermits, a husband who had fled a shrewish wife, and a prospector) and they hadn't really expected an answer.

The Commander, Julius Hennington, cleared his throat. "Uhm, are we to understand that you *are* in fact the dragon sighted flying through this area?"

"Quite, though i thought the area largely deserted. Uhm, sorry if i startled anyone, it certainly wasn't my intention."

"First he invites us to tea, then he apologizes for creating a nuisance. This is NOT what i envisaged for a Dragon Hunt," Mallory complained.

"Quiet, you," Julius commanded and drew his sword. "Come out now, that you may perish on my blade which was blessed by a holy man of Lindisfarne!"

"Oh?" There came the sounds of something BIG moving through the hillside cavern. "How *is* Father James of late?"

Julius held his sword confidently up until the shape moved out into the light. Then he felt rather less confident and was glad that he'd just taken a piss a few minutes before. The evil beast was ten times the size of any of his men, with claws longer than his sword! The creature's wicked sharp teeth were thicker around than his leg and could likely bite through his armor in a heartbeat.

"Madre de Dios!"

"I thought you were agnostic?"

"Guy's got the right to change his mind!"

"Dragon? I don't see no stinking dragon! Well, guess we ought to go home!"

Julius thought that running away and getting reinforcements sounded like a good idea. The problem was that his knees weren't doing so good.

Mallory looked over the huge gleaming dragon and came to a conclusion. "You said something about tea?"

"Mint or comfrey?" The reptile inquired.

"Mint," Mallory said, sheathing his sword and walking forward. The creature was big, powerful, and could likely run them all down before they could get out of this rock-strewn hilly area back to where the horses were. In a fight, six men armed with good steel *might* be able to cause serious injury. The problem Mallory had with this picture was that the six men would be dead at the end of that fight. "I suppose a good cup of ale is out of the question."

"Afraid so, haven't much use for it myself. i've a small herb garden not far from here, which is always nice."

"Might I see it? Me girlfriend, Susan, she loves to grow herbs."

"Really? i'd like to meet her. There's a lot of herbs i just haven't been able to find. Hmmm. Why not? It's up on that hill to the North."

Julius blinked a few times as Mallory and the dragon went back into the cave. "Uhm..."

Five minutes later, Mallory returned, holding a crudely made wooden teacup from which he sipped.

"Mallory! Did you kill it?" Julius had wondered if that was Mallory's plan, get inside its claws then thrust home while the thing was offguard.

"Kill it? Why would I do that?" Mallory sipped again at the tea. "Makes a lovely mint blend tea. Has all sorts of herbs drying in his cave. Besides, I promised I'd bring Susan up here sometime. She'd love a look at a dragon's herb garden, I think."

"AAAHHHHHGGGHHH!" Commander Julius Hennington was having trouble with this whole assignment. "We're here to kill the evil beast!"

Mallory shrugged and set the now-empty cup on the ground. "Our assignment was to kill the 'evil beast terrorizing the countryside and bring back its hoard'. How many evil beasts have an herb garden, offer you afternoon tea, or apologize for the inconvenience?"

"Well there's my Aunt Edna..." *THWACK* "Ow!"

"Quiet, Perim." Julius had to admit this wasn't going anywhere near what he had planned. "How are we going to explain this?"

"That what we found wasn't an 'evil beast terrorizing the countryside' but a hermit guarding his herb garden?" Mallory suggested.

The dragon exited his cave, taking wing in a few beats and circling the area. Julius eyed the creature estimating his chances. Leather armor vs thick scale, the good steel of his sword against those fangs and claws.

"Works for me. Let's go home."

----------

Asgard: much later

"We've got another one. That makes SIX of these time ripples. Too early to see what the effects are. One looks to be a doozy, though." Celeste had seen this sort of thing happening before. "If it's Grey he's NOT maintaining a low profile."

"Or he's trying and just not being successful," commented Setsuna. "What time are the ripples centered in, and how long before the changes reach the present?"

"Weeks, that timeline has some peculiar temporal characteristics. And... looks like they start in 776 AD. Last one is 785 AD. Well, that lets the Pheonix Mage out. Two ripples in Greenland, a pretty small one in North America, a small one in England, a *big* one in Northern England or Scotland, I'm not sure which it is in that era." Celeste fiddled with a readout. "Hmmm. A ripple in Switzerland? What the heck's in Switzerland in 785?!"

"What about the big one, what's the nature?"

There were few around the Goddess Relief Office who could have brought it up. Celeste was one. "Looks like something put this Deacon named Father James Rihan from obscurity to a major figure of the faith for about a decade. Then he died when the Vikings raided... Lindisfarne. It was the first recorded mention of the Vikings... WHAT?!"

Setsuna looked politely over Celeste's shoulder, somehow having transformed to Sailor Pluto without going through anything resembling a nude transformation sequence. "Looks like another ripple, forming at the Lindisfarne monastery, reinforcing the effects of the earlier change."

"W-w-WAIT!" Ami exclaimed, seeing Sailor Pluto fade away, her smile being the last thing to vanish. "...take me..."

Makoto/Apple placed a hand on her friend's shoulder. "Don't worry Ami-chan. If anyone can reach him across the timestream, Setsuna can."

Ami didn't bother to mention that THAT was part of her worries.

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Lindisfarne, 793 AD:

"Get down, Father!" Brother Leul yelled before an arrow gave ample demonstration as to why.

The Deacon frowned and looked around at his fellows. "Well? It appears that these raiders have no respect for our being men of cloth."

"We could surrender!" Father Wolt looked a bit wild around the eyes.

"That's what those by the docks tried, and these savages cut them down."

"Heavenly Father," prayed the priest known as James. "We need some assistance. Please send your servant to intercede in this matter."

"Amen," intoned everyone except Wolt.

"Rrraaaaggghhhhh!"

Everyone stared for a moment at Wolt. He had some digestive problems at time. Wolt shook his head wildly that it wasn't him.

Keian cleared his throat. "Father James, you aren't playing pranks with sheep's bladders or something similar at a time like this, are you?"

"Rrrraagghhhhhh!"

James looked out at the rubble. "Ah, actually, I don't think it was Brother Wolt's food OR a sheep's bladder this time."

---------

He'd flown in at his current ceiling, roughly 12,000 feet. (He lacked an Altimeter spell.) At that altitude he was a glittering dot to most of the locals.

He'd lost track of time again, and it hadn't been until Mallory and his wife Susan had appeared with their child that he'd realized how much time had passed.

Upon seeing the monastery being attacked, he'd reacted. That was always a factor while being a dragon, they tended to be very emotional and swung from one extreme to another. Seeing the monastery being raided, he knew he should have gone elsewhere. He was trying *not* to interfere too much with the timeline. He just got carried away.

Such as now.

Wings shifted, and the dragon lost altitude quickly, increasing in speed as he dove. As he approached the water, the wings shifted again to level the flight off. He rocketed past longboats and was surprised when a spear actually connected in the moment he was near them

Unfortunately for the spearman, Grey's hide was thick enough that it bounced. He looped around, and this time his breath weapon shot out. Aimed at the slope leading to the monastery, the blast of frost didn't do much damage, merely caused ice to coat the area.

Grey roared twice, and settled down for the fight.

--------

In a place that was not a place, a black cat smirked. Mischief was his purvue after all, and there was much mischief to be made here.

The question was, who was renewing Grey's spells. Though there might be some delicious irony should he do it himself, the Elder of Mischief knew that he wouldn't have been able to resist putting little twists in the spells that would have revealed him.

Toltiir nudged things slightly, then withdrew. A slight touch or two, that was all that was needed. For now.

--------

"The forces of evil are upon us!" Wolt cried, his plans for politically rising through the ranks of the church hierarchy currently replaced with the desire for staying alive.

"I don't think so," said the bookish Father Keian. "Look at the way the dragon's scales gleam. The very color is silver, is it not?"

"I'm too young to die! I have a chance of gaining the ear of the Archbishop! I am *this* close to gaining a position at York!"

Everyone's gaze turned pitying (or disgusted) towards Wolt. Finally James spoke, inquiring as to what Keian found significant.

"Silver, as everyone knows is a pure metal, it is said to be the bane of werewolves and other foul creatures, is it not?" Keian pointed towards the dragon now darting in and out of the spear range of raiders on the shore. "Also note the dragon is seeking to drive them off, not aid them."

Wolt uncurled slightly, hoping despite himself. "So the forces of evil have turned upon themselves. As soon as it has finished with its competition, we shall be destroyed!"

"Nay, for I do see what young Keian describes. Were the beast truly an evil beast, would it not eat the raiders, not simply sweep them into the seas with its tail? Would it throw the raiders aside or drive them like a shepherd does his flock towards their own boats were it unconcerned with human life?" James spared a glance towards Wolt. "We are men, not merely of the cloth, but of God. Should we quibble or make demands on the Almighty as to the nature of the aid he sends us in dire times?"

"But, tis a SERPENT!" Wolt protested. Everyone knew that dragons were evil creatures of Heaven's Adversary, did they not?

"Serpents have not legs," pointed out Keian. "Nor wings upon which they may ascend to the heavens. Besides, even a serpent be one of His creatures and worthy of respect. Who are we to put limits on what He may do?"

"Our scribe has a point," said James, cutting off any further response from Wolt. "So, as these raiders seek to despoil a House of the Lord, there is one thing that I see that we may do!"

"What's that?" Wolt asked.

"Deal with the ones that goodly servant missed," answered James, picking up a cudgel. "Saint Cuthbert, shrive my foe and guide my aim!"

--------

Akumakun/Ranma timeline:

Ranma was about to ask Jared if Nabiki now had the Catfist. He never got the chance, nor did Jared have the opportunity to inform him that Nabiki functionally WAS the Catfist.

Genma slipped on a slick stone, a claw tightening on a certain area on the long tube in his hands as a reflexive move.

Unfortunately, the gadget he was hoping to sell for drink money, as previously noted, was a Robotech Repeating Rocket Launcher. Fortunately, the clip had been removed. Unfortunately, he'd removed the clip but left a round in the chamber from when he'd been testing the balky feed mechanism. Fortunately, he'd used a "smoke and paint" round. Unfortunately the targetting laser and backup blaster had power. Fortunately the safety had been engaged. Unfortunately, that only covered the backup blaster.

The results were as one might easily expect.

An explosion of white smoke, a fair concussive wave, and red paint splattered everywhere.

Genma spent a few moments gawking at the scene as the smoke billowed out.

A large number of women appearing out of nowhere to take places along the outer walls and Tendo roof didn't do much for Genma's nerves. They were joined by a couple of guys he didn't recognize. A tall and powerful looking man who was cracking his knuckles, and a thinner fellow holding a chain weapon.

In the courtyard, people were scattered and a few were unconscious. More than one was splattered with red.

"IT'S A MUTANT RAT YOUMA!"

"And he's killed our Jay-chan!"

Genma had learned many things over many years of training with the Master. How to steal panties. How to run. How to grovel. Even how to fight to some extent. One of those dearly learned lessons was a danger sense that wasn't 100% effective, but when it went off he knew to
listen.

It was going off now. In fact, it was alerting him to the fact that if he remained standing where he was, he would be reduced to a fine red paste *long* before he had a chance to explain.

Genma decided to use two of the lessons he'd most frequently invoked when training with the Master. When to run. When to hide. Valuable lessons indeed for a student of Anything Goes.

*FOOM!*

The Thundercats were the first to give chase by virtue of having no transformations and the fastest tank.

There are certain things that are difficult not to remember, among them how terrifying it is to see a tank leaping and jumping overhead. The REALLY rousing music that played as the thing left track marks deep in Nerima's roads hadn't helped matters any.

Where the standard Thundercats were almost exclusively male, when Sakyo and Shan had run across a genecrafting facility in their hunt for evil Ifurita units to scrap and thereby empower Shan, they'd decided to go for an all-female cast. The better for loving their Master.

They also got Really Uppity about things that threatened their Mate.

Also, after the various upgrades, they were prepared to DO something about it. "The Rat Lord is using a random evasive pattern, insufficient time to adapt tracking weaponry." Panthera, female engineering lead and based off of a panther, said.

"High-technology weaponry and black-band magic are combined in his foe. Threat level is... he must be interfering with the sensors." Tigress concluded, reading their scanners while Panthera drove.

Liona, the redhaired leader (and based off a lion), twisted in her seat to gaze back at Cheetarah, who was standing in the back manning their pintel-mounted main gun, riding the shocks of their movement with the ease that came from moving this speed herself, on foot. "We can't afford to take any chances. Cheetarah, forward observer. I'll take the gun."

"Roger!" Cheetarah leaped from the back of the racing vehicle and sped off at an even faster rate.

"Multiple magic bands appearing throughout the city!" Tigress warned, though she was about to go on that most if not all of them read as friendly.

Impetuous Liona interrupted, jumping to conclusions as she lifted the muzzle of the gun, "We've got to act fast! Claw Missiles! Fire!" and letting off a volley of three.

--------

Soun shrieked as he noted the shredded compound wall where the Thundertank had entered, and the rather large hole where it had made when it had exited through the dining room and out the front door.

It was made rather worse as various high powered individuals flew, ran, leapt, and in the case of two androids - got into an immediate fight.

"No way, Naga! *I* will be the one to handle this situation!"

"Oh ho ho ho ho ho! Truly, Lina, you underestimate *my* talents. Jay-chan deserves to be nursed back to health by someone more skilled... and more developed than you!"

"WHAT was that?"

"You can't possibly have enough love in your heart with a chest THAT small!"

"Y-y-you.... EXPLOSION ARRAY!"

*BOOM BOOM BA-KOOM!*

Jared had said previously that he could cast "Otiluke's Protective Dome" in his sleep. It was a good thing that he hadn't exaggerated.

"Childish in form and talent, aren't you Lina Inverse? Oh hohohohoho! SPIRIT GOLEM!"

*CRASH* *BOOM!*

"Oh yeah, Naga? THis time you've gone too far! DRILL..."

*THWACK! THWACK!*

The Knight of Duty considered the two marionettes he'd temporarily shut off. While lacking the elegance of Chiba's thrown roses his thrown chesspieces could still pack a wallop. (Though he agreed with the general consensus that they looked dorky and lacked class.) "Lorelei, disable them."

Soun stared at the ruined yard, listening briefly as a section of his home fell over.

Akane woke up, saw her room move from the second floor to the first, and promptly lost her temper.

--------

Adam Warren was riding peacefully along (having an invite to a Japanese comik-mart where he expected to meet some people whose work he'd long admired) when his rented convertible was suddenly rocked by four near-simultanious impacts and he was shoved roughly to the side, ending up sitting on his head in the back seat while four women crowded the front (producing standing room only for three of them) and the vehicle lunged forward as a redhead stomped on the gas pedal.

~Hey, Wait a minute!~ The manga author thought, but they were ignoring him. Even so, he couldn't help but recognize that *two* were the Dirty Pair as drawn by the animators in Flash, and two were identical right down to the toenails to the Original Dirty Pair.

Realizing they were arguing, the artist covered his nuts and hoped.

Mature Yuri fluffed out her billowy dark hair and shot a sly smile to the younger duo from Flash. "You two should go home and get the starship. We're going to need it for pickup."

"We *already* sent Muugi for it!" The young Kei shouted, clenching her fist. "You two are just trying to get rid of us."

The older duo only looked toward each other and laughed, chiming, "Useless baggage!" in agreement.

The author could feel his life flashing before his eyes, and wished he'd done things more interesting in his life and less in the series.

"Are you two trying to start a fight?" Younger Yuri accused.

The author considered hiding under his seat, but was frustrated in this by his car performing a miraculous and highly improbable leap, knocking over three fruit stands and an okonomiyaki cart as it flew abruptly, violently, and unevenly over Japanese traffic *and* a train that were crossing that intersection the other way. As he clung desperately for dear life, Mature Kei guided the seemingly out-of-control vehicle through a disastrous skid, crashing sideways against a bus full of nuns, and then racing off again at improbable acceleration without so much as a 'how-do-you-do'.

As he clung to the hood the author was convinced his sins had come to haunt him.

While Mr. Warren was trying desperately to maintain his hold on the hood (having flown there sometime during that prodigious leap) and not fall under the wheels of his own vehicle, the more mature Kei was wondering aloud. "Why do you two tag along, anyway? You KNOW that we're more competent."

Suddenly Mr. Author had a dreadful sense of impending doom worse that of clinging to the hood of a highly erratic convertible going in excess of 200 mph and piloted by some of the Most Destructive People Imaginable, that of clinging to the hood of said vehicle when THOSE people were in a fighting mood.

"YOU shouldn't be here anyway! *We're* his true partners!" Younger Yuri accused.

Mature Yuri just winked smugly at the older Kei. Both chorused. "Yea, but we were *made* for him!"

"You're just COPIES! Androids made to look like us!" Younger Yuri shouted, fists at her sides.

"Too bad we do a better job than you do." Mature Yuri pulled an eyelid down and stuck her tongue out at her younger twin. "Bee-dah!"

If Adam Warren had been able to feel anything but terror at this, he might've been somewhat relieved to note that his fingers had made their own hand holds by bending the metal of the hood, though breaking finger bones doing it cost him some ability to use the purchase.

"Stupid sex-dolls." Younger Kei groused.

Mature Kei smirked and looked back at her younger double, incidentally ignoring the road before her totally. "*You're* only jealous because Jared hasn't agreed to marry you."

"WE ARE NOT!!!" Both of the younger Dirty Pair looked properly enraged.

Mature Yuri flicked her hair dismissively. "Then you'll feel *awful* nice about not feeling that way when MY Kei and I go to..." Suggestive whispers were made that turned younger Yuri an interesting shade of blue, then scarlet and trembling red.

"Grrrrr THAT'S IT!!!!" Both of the younger ones pulled out their weapons.

The author of the Dirty Pair comics, presently clinging for dear life to an exploding vehicle full of highly dangerous and well armed females that for no explicable reason was currently hurtling a gulf where Kei had found a shortcut, whimpered.

---------

Yoshinobu Nishizaki had been out watering and now the hose hung limply from off his fingertips, watching the Space Battleship Yamato descend gently out of the clouds.

Only there were some changes to the midship portion, near the stern. They looked like, but nah, THAT couldn't be!

Up on the bridge of the Space Battleship, one woman turned to another. "Are we within range?"

The second woman nodded, over crossed arms. "Yes. Inform the SDF-1 through 12, we've got a situation here. We might want to deploy."

The first woman turned back to her control board. "Evangelions, Launch!"

And from the docking cradles near the back of the Yamato, release bolts were unlocked and five fully functional (and VASTLY upgraded) Evangelion Units fell free.

"YeeeeeHA!" Rei shouted on the decent, having gained considerable personality since meeting Jay-chan awhile back, and NOT knowing how appropriate that cry was at this place and time.

Asuka landed her red Eva unit on the roads of Tokyo while four others landed behind her. "Okay team! We're off target by 4.8 miles. It's jogging time!"

"Wait!" Misato cried, wearing a black plug suit in the green Eva Unit, and for no explainable reason (in *this* story, at least - see Otaku Reflected for details) looking 14 years old. "We've got to await weapons drop!"

14-year old Ritsuko was already on that, wearing a yellow plugsuit in a matching Eva. "I'm tracking the dump boxes. they'll come to ground within point four miles of our present position, on course to Jay-chan."

Rei's ice blue Eva danced a step. "Then let's hurry up!"

As they ran away it was revealed that their landing had NOT been entirely without incident, and the left foot of Misato's Eva had crushed a certain pedestrian by the name of Hideaki Anno who had been too shocked at their appearance to move out of the way.

*****

The first principle and precept of the Anything Goes school, well, the first one that dealt with *combat* anyway, was this: Avoidance. Avoid blame. Avoid responsibility. Most important though - avoid massive damage occurring to your body.

Even Genma, who was nowhere near the level either of his sons had attained in the Art, was tolerably fair to excellent on this one concept, depending on how well motivated he was. And at this moment he was at a pinnacle of motivation that was causing him to transcend *all sorts* of limits so far that he was running, dodging, twisting and evading with such skill he was almost leaving his fat behind.

Almost.

-------------

795 AD:

"Father, i won't be able to appear here again." Grey warned the old practical joker priest.

"Hmmmmph. What about your students?" James looked out over the monastery training field.

"They've got the basics. Just as the Three Aspects, there is mind body AND spirit. Health in all can only benefit the faith." Grey shrugged. He hadn't much idea on WHAT medieval monataries did, and some of his suggestions had taken root. Unexpectedly, he'd found himself in the role of teacher.

"Is it that mystery woman?" James watched the crowd of initiates practicing that odd exercise that Grey had taught them. What did he call it? Oh yes - a kata. Some of the priests, and not a few of the children, had taken to an hour of this odd dance a day.

"If she is who i suspect, you're right."

"FATHER JAMES!" Keian waved as he ran up. "Oh, Grey. Sorry to interrupt, but Father - you've *got* to try this!"

James sniffed and sipped at the drink, then blinked repeatedly. "Most interesting. What is it called?"

"A penitent with the most unusual raiment did show me the preparation. It is called 'green tea' and it is made in the manner of normal teas. She did say that in her homeland..."

Grey tuned the rest out, now *knowing* without the shadow of a doubt who the mystery woman was.

--------

"Oh yes," Setsuna said with a nod. "I just came from Heaven, in fact."

"So, you're an angel?" Percival (not the Arthurian figure) asked. He was asking the questions as this also distracted the woman from where Keian's wife Korin was frantically scribbling down notes.

"No, though my fiance is. At least some of the time." Setsuna straightened her short skirt again, uncomfortable with the stares her long legs were getting.

Wolt muttered something about succubi, temptresses, the flames of Hell, and harlotry. Setsuna showed incredible restraint (for an anime character) and didn't "Dead Scream" the fellow into the next century. Or mallet him, merely favored the politically oriented priest with a glare that suggested she had thought about it.

Korin finished noting down this concept of a nourishing food made with ground peanuts and molasses known as "peanut butter" and went on to note that angels could have mortal wives while placing the notes with those she'd already taken.

"Angels can get married?" Percival asked, his eyes large. Few priests at the monastery had wives, they tended to be poor and devoted to secular life. Some even felt that any earthly ties detracted from their devotion. (1)

"Yes, well, he married us, but unfortunately there was interference."

"Demonic interference?" Percival asked, then he staggered. "'US'?!"

"Well, technically, yes. It's a long story, and not one that I'd prefer going into. Suffice to say there were problems and he considers us fiancees and not wives." Setsuna stood up and her clothes blurred from a Sailor Pluto seifuku to a plain woolen robe such as Korin wore.

Eyes widened at this further evidence of power.

"Life in Heaven isn't perfect," mused Percival aloud, trying to fit the revelations into a framework that his own paradigm could handle. "Ah, then only He is perfect."

"My fiance is far from perfect," said Setsuna with a smile. "He suffers from underconfidence, is honest when he should be evasive, gets lost regularly, tries to cope with situations he should avoid due to a stubborn streak, can't resist meddling when he sees a chance to be of assistance to others, gets sidetracked far too easily, and is generous to a fault with people he knows while being shy or abrupt with people he does not. On the other hand he'll usually abandon a battle if he doesn't see any point in continuing. He is nearly phobic about being crowded, has a *strong* dislike for politicians and lawyers, and if you ever get personal and abusive will not forgive you at all easily."

"Sounds like Grey," joked Percival.

"Ah, you know his bad qualities already," Setsuna sipped at her tea. Unfortunately it had grown
rather cold.

Dead silence, even Korin's scratching with a quill pen came to a dead halt.

The door opened. Grey entered, and a stray beam of sunlight seemed to give him a momentary
halo.

Korin fainted, remembering all the times she'd joked about the sad-seeming foreigner.

Percival turned pale. He'd gained his ability to pray for magic (being the fourth to successfully receive the "Imbue With Spell Ability" clerical enhancement) cast by Grey. Which meant that...

Wolt shrieked like a little girl, causing everyone else to jump.

"Setsuna?" Grey asked, curious. "Anyone else come?"

"Ami wanted to. So did Makoto and Rei and Minako..." Setsuna regarded her fiance briefly, wondering if he'd been eating properly. Probably not. "Honey and Nuku Nuku are off somewhere else. Akane's offplane. Nabiki, Kasumi, Shampoo, and Ukyo haven't been seen for awhile.
Sasami's back with her family. I was the only one who could make the trip among us. Even that was difficult."

Keian jotted names down frantically. They would later become popular names for girls.

"Well, we should be going soon," Grey said, ignoring as much as he could. "Rather than alter this timeline too much prior to America's colonization."

Keian noted quickly that a previous reference to a "land far to the West" from the strange laborer was to be colonized later, and was termed "America" for some odd reason. Sounded Italian.

Setsuna nodded. She tactfully didn't mention the model of an elaborate fullscale castle/monastery she'd seen. Nor the still made of copper that was purifying water (to "cleanse it of foul essences") or the fields inside an outer containment wall. Or any of the other odd elements that she'd seen such as the supply of paper or the loom. The windmill being constructed was not brought up. She didn't mention that four priests of this monastery were able to cast minor clerical spells, nor that most of those present shouldn't even be alive if he wanted to avoid changing things. She didn't mention that Keian and Korin had been jotting down notes since Grey had shown up. She didn't mention the ballistae or catapults that had been assembled based on a couple of children's toys that Grey had made.

No, Setsuna understood the relationship between cause and effect. She also knew that Grey couldn't help these little nudges, and was merely being his helpful self. Which was why Setsuna merely smiled and nodded, gathering her pack as she prepared to accompany her fiance.

She thought it likely they'd be back, anyway.

----------

Ranma/Akumakun timeline:

Black Bart sent a puff of foul smoke on the breeze as he listened to Oregon's report.

"...and the rat thing blew 'em all up, then vamoosed. I'd never seen anything like it!"

Black Bart snorted smoke again from his cigar and considered. "Boys, saddle up. We gonna have us a necktie party."

A stranger moseying by, stopped. "Black Bart? Why are YOU going after the rat-man?"

Black Bart took the opportunity to practice his orating skills. "Y'see. We're villains."

"YEAH!" chorused the Dozen Thieves.

"We be desperadoes, and we be opportunists!"

"THAT'S RIGHT!" The Dozen Thieves went into a sentai group pose that somehow looked appropriate.

"We be hardworking fellas..."

"EXCUSE ME!" Dakota fumed.

"...and a lady who may be shiftless thieves and villains and scum. But we come by it honestly."

The Dozen Thieves started humming "Glory, Glory, Halleluia" in the background as Black Bart
spoke.

Black Bart's voice rose slowly, his black Stetson held over his heart. "We're villains. But we're not heartless. We're not cheap. We operate with honor, and by our own rules. We do not strike from behind without warning. We DO strike from behind, or from above, or from below, or any other way we can get an advantage but it's never an instant kill attempt. We are lowdown sidewinders, but we have a certain thing lacking in modern common villains. We have standards. Striking a young innocent like Miss Kasumi from ambush like that - it isn't right. It isn't right at all. So we ride on the side of the law this time, because of a simple truth, stranger."

Bart and his Thieves all chorused on the expected phrase. "Because, it's the Code of The West."

Black Bart put his Stetson back on and leapt to the back of (also black) horse. During the speech, he managed an air of solemn and noble dignity. "Saddle up boys. And you too Dakota. We gonna avenge Miss Kasumi's honor."

Jared watched the thirteen riders gallop off and removed his disguise. "Well... dang. I guess Bart wasn't hiding the panda."

-----------

Olympus, the Great Smithy:

The computerized voice was female and sounded quite a bit like Eartha Kitt. At least that was the settings for today. "Upgrades complete. Tea, anyone?"

"No, just give me a readout," said Hephaestus. He was a craftsman, work came first.

"Unit: Honey Kisaragi. Upgrades requested by unit. Base form remains human in performance capabilities. Added matter conversion unit, sense of taste, and ability to conceive. Ability to transform into specific Templates and alter appearance through Atmospheric Condensor enhanced using hyperstitial pocket and morfogenic materials. Added requested Templates: Senshi, 'fighting game' martial artist, X wing pilot, Angel, RPA Pilot, Mink, and Batgirl.

"Unit: Atsuko Natsume (Nuku Nuku). Upgrades requested by unit. Fully functional cyborg. Cat brain neural capacity increased by secondary cybernetic brain. Limited matter conversion unit. Ability to produce and direct chi fields in manner referenced under file 'Cat Fist' - capabilities triggered under extreme stress or when loved ones are threatened. Limited transformation capabilities added."

"Hmmmph," Hephaestus said after a moment. "Catgirl cyborgs and transforming androids..."

"So YOU'RE the one doing it," said a sly voice.

Hephaestus closed his holographic laptop and sighed. "Honestly, I'd expected someone else to figure this out first."

Toltiir snickered. "Most think *I'm* the one giving Grey his clerical spells. They've forgotten about your association with your apprentice."

"Look at what he does," Hephaestus brought forth a scene where the monastery at Lindisfarne was now scurrying with people exploring the wonders of these new discoveries and devices. "Tell me that this does not serve MY cause."

Toltiir smirked some more, but didn't disagree.

Hephaestus was silent for a moment. "What are you going to do about it, Elder?"

"Little old me? Why nothing. I just *love* ironies, and this situation has a number of them."

"However, *I* am not granting spells to any of those monks," pointed out Hephaestus. "Who is?"

Toltiir chuckled. "Like Grey they're Christians. Like many worlds, faith generates manna. The lower level stuff is typically done drawing on their own belief and the local magic fields. It's when they start asking their Patron directly that things get interesting."

Hephaestus looked puzzled for a moment, then nodded as understanding clicked. "Oh my."

-----------

795 AD:

They were well out of sight of the monastery when Grey dropped the shapeshift that kept him in human form, reverting in a blur to what had become his natural form, a dragon.

Setsuna didn't even blink.

"Well, you're taking your transformation rather well," remarked the dragon in a basso rumble. "When Ami-chan entered a non-anime universe and translated to a non-anime looking Japanese girl, she had trouble dealing with it for quite some time."

Setsuna shrugged in her robes. "And what do I look like?"

"Greek, i think." Grey's tail lashed, somehow *knowing* that the woman walking nearby had wanted a different answer. But what? "Errr. Your eyes aren't that red color..."

Silver dragons were immune to cold. The night was fairly warm as attested by the crickets and other life scurrying about. Why was he getting a chill?

"Uhm..." Grey tried, "you look like the sort of young woman i could have encountered in my origin universe, but never met. You could have been a model back there..."

Setsuna seemed to relax ever so slightly. "What do you mean by 'encountered' but 'never met'?"

"Well, even if i walked into someone who looked THAT good, nothing could come of it - even getting a name would have been impossible." The dragon eyed his companion uncertainly. Was that a smirk briefly showing itself on her face? What the heck was going on? "Uhm. There's a problem you should know about..."

"Besides that the temporal currents in this timeline are all amuck and even dimensional travel seems to becoming more and more difficult as time passes for us?" Setsuna considered lightly thwacking the dragon's neck with her Time Staff to remind him of who she was. She was Setsuna Meiou, Temporal Wizard who had joined with another of her aspects - a Sailor Pluto who had been born in the Silver Millenium. She had observed other timelines where she was Pluto but had been the child of another Senshi - and had then gone back in time to aid her mother and friends. Only to die saving Sailor Uranus and Sailor Neptune in their fight against the Death Busters - then resurrected again in the future to do it all over again. She was an *expert* in time travel and even she had experienced enormous difficulty in reaching this place in the timeline.

Grey didn't have a telepathy spell and was speaking of something else anyway. "Besides that. i'm beginning to get lethargic and have this compulsion to build a lair."

Setsuna frowned, this being ninety degrees from her current train of thought. "Excuse me?"

"Due to various things that have happened, i'm a dragon - this is my default form and existence except in worlds where dragons simply can't happen." Grey craned his long neck up and scanned the area. Nobody else nearby as far as *his* senses could determine. "Dragons hit something called dragonsleep at points in their existence."

Setsuna nodded. "Admittedly, dragon behavior is not something I've studied in any of my lives."

"Whereas humans grow more or less steadily until they reach the adult stage, dragons do it differently. We're elemental creatures, go figure. What we do is find a lair, preferably hidden. There we store our bonded hoard and on its contents we sleep a period of several months or
years, depending on the rules of the local timeline. In Io's Blood it's months, Aramar was years. i think it'll be years here too."

Setsuna blinked and looked up at the huge shape nearby. She ignored the wolf which leapt out of the woods, got a whiff of her companion, piddled itself and fled with a keening noise. Other than to step over the evidence of its fright when she came to it. "How long?"

"i'm currently a 'young adult' stage - so going through the growth spurt and everything will take about six years. There's also a feeding frenzy prior to the sleep, but i'll have to have a lair built before then. My 'hoard' consists of a few items from the Rival Relief Office as well as scavenged stuff from a variety of timelines, don't know if that'll be enough."

"So what's the next stage, and how long do we have?" Setsuna started making plans. Six years where her fiance/husband was sleeping and going through a growth spurt...

"Adult. At minimum my dragonform will increase another ten feet in length. Also, i'll be ravenous again upon awakening. So the lair site will have to be fairly off the beaten path but still have access to a good supply of food. i'd say another six months before it hits." Grey stopped and lowered his body as they came to a secluded shoreline. "If you'd mount we can fly from here. Suggest sitting yourself where neck meets shoulder and put your legs around like you were riding a horse."

Setsuna made another gesture, altering the robe to a pair of braies and a tunic. Pants made riding much easier. "Hmmm. So we *do* have some time."

"Setsuna-chan," rumbled the dragon as he sailed over the cliffs and over the English channel. "Any ideas on where to wait this out?"

The sometimes-Senshi patted a length of cold smooth scales. "We could have stayed at Lindisfarne."

"i'd only been with them for a few years. Already they've gone from an obscure monastery to a center of learning. Herbcraft and sewer systems, papermaking and printing, kempo and Zen philosophies - all mistakes or slip ups. They'll be lucky if they're not all branded heretics and
brought down by the Vatican. Though if anyone can talk those power brokers into keeping an open mind, Father James might do it. And then you gave them ideas on brewing green tea."

"I like green tea," Setsuna said with a sniff.

"Nonetheless, the further we stay, the more changes will accumulate." Grey sighed and coughed up a hailstone. "My Lord, they've started *quilting* after an idle comment of mine. That wasn't supposed to be introduced for another four hundred years! i'd rather not endanger the truly faithful, they get enough of that on their own. Any suggestions?"

Setsuna considered carefully, watching the waters under them speed by as she pondered.

---------

Akumakun/Ranma timeline:

Kuno knew that someone had entered the ancestral Kuno estate and was responding appropriately.

"Hold villains! What do you..." *THUD* The great and noble Tatewaki Kuno was backhanded into a wall where he slumped onto his great and noble posterior. Dazedly he looked up at the girl before him. The intruder was a woman! Tall, proud, defiant, with shapely limbs and form. Powerful, even more so than Akane Tendo before her "accident." The only detractions were the coloration of her hair and the simple but unflattering ponytail. Neither truly suitable for such a magnificent figure of a woman.

"Have you seen a bazooka toting big fat mutant rat? A villainous murderous beast about so tall," the beautiful young woman indicated something slightly taller than herself, "really ugly?"

"Nay my goddess. Ah, I see, this is a ruse that you might introduce yourself to me. Well then, I..." Kuno's voice trailed off as his goddess abruptly shot up at high speeds. Doing something only an angel or goddess should be able to do. Flying. At really high speeds too.

"Ahhhh," said Kuno, for once in his life lost as to what he should say. "AHHHH!" Kuno said a moment later, as a bald panda (still carrying the bazooka - now knowing it to be valuable to a gun collector or maybe the SDF) emerged from his hiding spot and started sneaking away.

A concept clicked in Tatewaki Kuno's head. The girl was looking for this very beast! She said it was villainous? Murderous? Why then, it was the duty of a samurai to bring such a beast to justice and thereby gain the rewards of his ponytailed goddess!

"HAVE AT THEE FOUL VILLAIN!"

[Go away] read the sign that the beast threw at him.

But of course such measures could not deter the Blue Thunder!

--------

Lindisfarne, Scotland, 801 AD:

The Papal Investigator wasn't quite sure what to make of all this.

Monasteries tended to be formed by those who had some minor differences with the rest of the faithful, grouped together and retiring at a distance from the main group of the flock. Such had been the case with the followers of Saint Cuthbert.(2) THIS however was beyond MINOR.

The fortification was massive, the outer walls spiked downwards to intimidate and make it difficult for invaders to scale. Inside were massive THINGS the Investigator was sure were part of some heresy. What was this massive tower which resembled a flower whose head turned on its
own? And this tower from which smoke poured and water came flowing into an aquaduct? Surely these were sinister as Wolt's letters had indicated!

The guide assigned to the Investigator was happily babbling about their library and the folk coming to the island. He continued on about the number of babies saved simply by boiling their swaddling clothes and seeking to keep clean their surroundings lest the tiny imps that caused
disease corrupt the infant's health. The guide enthusiastically spoke of the new methods being developed for seperating plant fibers that they might be woven again into cloth for garments. He continued to exclaim over the concept of making paper easily and swiftly or of some oddiment called the "power of applied steam" and of plants that could purge poisons from the body.

The Investigator (who had long ago stopped referring to himself except as the Investigator) stopped abruptly on seeing the old priest in the courtyard. "What is he doing?"

"Ah, Father James is invoking the glory of God in order to heal a child."

"Well, that is..." the Investigator's smirk faded and his jaw dropped as the old monk *glowed* with a pure white light and reached down to touch a child swathed in blankets. Though he couldn't see the child through the crowd, the child's parents clearly went from shocked to elated
within the space of heartbeats. ~This place is *dangerous!* I must inform His Holiness at once!~

----------

(1) _ It wasn't until later that the Papal Council instituted the "no marriage" policy.

(2) No, this was not solely a World Of Greyhawke invention, and Lindisfarne monastery in Scotland's patron saint was Saint Cuthbert until the relics were unearthed and moved later.

In case they may be of use:
Black Bart - Martial Arts Stage Villainry, Heir.
Dozen Thieves: Dakota (Naoko Ishima, Barmaid style kempo), Arizona (Kakeru Shinma, Martial Arts Cardsharking), Oregon (Sancho Pablo Juan Enrique Martinez Esteban Villalobo III, gaijin tarento), California (Dong Hi, Sherpa style kung fu), Wyoming (Masami Umari, no martial arts training but has "Photographic Reflexes"), the remainder are subject to change without notice.

votes: where does Setsuna suggest?
Dragons of the Caribbean - 4, Japan - 6, Antarctica - 1, American continent - 3, Lindisfarne - 1, Norway - 1, Russia - 1.

=============