Slayers Fan Fiction ❯ Slayers meet Cthulhu ❯ Oh, Goody, Weird Fish People, or Give my Regards to Cthulhu ( Chapter 2 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Oh Goody, Weird Fish People, or Give my Regards to Cthulhu

Bet you didn't think I'd continue this. Well, you were wrong. Now,
story...

It's night. The ship is precariously perched on the side of a huge
wave. Our heroes are hanging on for dear life. Zel is swathed in
floatation devices, including water wings, a lifejacket, one of those
inflatable ring things little kids wear, and a life ring. He looks
really silly.

Zel: Hey! I object.

Gourry: She has a point. You do look really funny, Zel.

Zel: I hate you all, but <points to author> especially you.

Author: Zel, if you want to walk along the seabed to R'lyeh, you're
more than welcome to. I was planning to have you swim, but if you'd
rather sink.

Zel: No! No, swimming is good.

The ship reaches the crest of the wave, goes down the other side, hits
a big rock, and sinks. Zel is floating, amazingly enough, and Gourry
is clinging to a piece of wreckage.

Author: Don't worry. I generally don't kill off main characters.

It's morning. Gourry is walking along a really slimy and icky-looking
shore.

Gourry: Zel, where are you?

He hears a groan coming from a big pile of seaweed with crabs crawling
though, over, and around it. If Zel's in there, you can bet he's not
happy.

Gourry: Zel? <Peers into the seaweed, and begins to lift it up> Zel,
are you in there?

Zel: Moan.

Gourry: Zel, are you all right?

Zel: Groan. Ow! Get off my foot.

Gourry looks down to discover that he is, indeed, standing on Zel's
foot.

Gourry: Sorry, Zel. <He reaches down and pulls Zel out of the seaweed
by his foot and holds him up in the air. >

Zel: Put me down.

Author: No, Gourry, wait a minute. I want a picture of this.

Zel: You would.

Author: You're just so funny looking like that.

Gourry: She has a point, Zel.

Zel: I don't care. Put me down!

Gourry lets go of Zel.

Zel: I didn't mean drop me!

Gourry: Sorry.

Zel: This just isn't my day.

Author: And it's going to get worse.

Gourry: Hey, foreshadowing!

Zel's jaw and the author's jaw both drop to the floor as they stare at
each other in amazement.

Author: I can't believe Gourry knew that! Maybe there's a brain hiding
under all that hair after all.

Gourry: <looking from author to Zel in confusion> What'd I say?

Zel: Why did you mess with his personality? How dare you? You have no
right.

Gourry: <sees the weird fish people sneaking up behind Zel> Um, Zel...

Zel: <continues yelling at the author> What right do you have...

Author: How dare you! I would never mess with Gourry's head. He's so
cute the way he is.

Gourry: Um, Zel...

Zel: Then how did he know about foreshadowing?

Author: What, Gourry can't be smart occasionally? He may be slow but
he'll get there in the end.

The weird fish people are now right behind Zel.

Gourry: Um, Zel...

Zel: In a minute, Gourry. I won't let anyone mess with your head.

One of the weird fish people hits Zel over the head with a frying pan.
Zel looks very confused as he sinks slowly to the ground.

Gourry: Zel!

The weird fish people (henceforth referred to as the WFP) come
menacingly towards Gourry and the author.

Author: EEEW! Poof, tribble, huzzah! <It's a spell>

The WFP who were attempting to attack the author turn into tribbles.

Author: Bye, Gourry. Oh, and I need this. Sorry. <She takes the Sword
of Light then vanishes in a blue cloud of smoke. >

Gourry: Hey! Give that back!

He looks at the WFP, and then looks at the place where the author just
vanished, then at Zel. Then a weird fish person jumps on him and
knocks him out.

Author's Disembodied Voice: Commence women tied to railroad tracks
music.

WFP start singing.

WFP: Hi-ho, Hi-ho, it's off to Cthulhu we go.

Author's Disembodied Voice: When did I lose control of this fanfic?
This can't be good. Hey, you, stop singing!

The WFP look up at where the author's voice is coming from, look at
each other, and shrug. Then they pick Gourry and Zel up and walk away,
still singing.

Author`s Disembodied Voice: Stop singing!

WFP: Hey, Macarena!

Author: I mean it! (Yes, the author is still disembodied).

WFP: <switch songs again> Yapapa, Yapapa...

Author: Aaaaaaah! The most evil song known to man. Okay, you can sing.
You have wonderful singing voices. Just please don't sing the Ranma
Yapapa song!

WFP: Under the sea, under the sea...

Author: Close curtain and hit mute button, NOW!

Xellos: Your wish is my command.

Author: At this point my original plan was to continue this chapter.
But I'm too badly traumatized, so Xellos is taking me to Cancun. The
story will be continued in the fourth chapter... Bad Mental Images or
Gourry in a Loincloth.

Hey, it's hard to come up with good titles when you're traumatized.