Teen Titans Fan Fiction ❯ The Adventures of the Teen Titans ❯ Final Exam ( Chapter 7 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

So, the Titans are set up pretty well. They have a Tower, they have cable, and they have pizza. Nothing can mess them up now.

Oh wait, there are those three HIVE students and that criminal mastermind...

Non Anime: Teen Titans Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Drama / Adventure / Action | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 06.24.2005 | Pages: 21 | Words: 17.7K | Visits: 630 | Status: Completed

Blowfish: Yes, I'm back, loyal reade—

Readers: GAAAHHH!!! (tackle Blowfish…violently)

Blowfish: Erk…my SPINE…

Readers: That's what you get for disappearing off the face of the Earth, you sack of crap!

Blowfish: Ahh…sorry…no, seriously…guys…I can't feel me legs…

Readers: (beating Blowfish with wiffle bats) YOU FUTHERMUCKING PIECE OF—

Galaxy Girl: Didn't I copyright “futhermucking”?

Blowfish: (shrugs) I dunno…maybe. It's a fun substitute for motherfu—

Censors: Hey! Hold it down there, author!

Blowfish: All right…sorry to all my faithful readers for being a lazy-ass…you should really blame my teachers too, though. Too much friggin' homework.

ninmenju-shin: Yep, Yellowcard rocks. And I get to listen to loads of Apocalyptica, because my brother left his CD behind! Yay! If you wanted to know, they're a cello quartet, and they're really good. The CD my bro has is “Inquisition Symphony”—it's a good one, especially that one song, “Nothing Else Matters”…Ahh…I'm listening to it right now! And yes, I actually have a shirt that says that. I love wearing it, but over half the people in my school don't know what a schizophrenic is, or even how to pronounce it correctly...dumb-asses. I dunno, I think Amy Lee is good-looking…I'm a girl, but I can still respect that, can't I?! So I thought BB would drool over her. It snowed a bit where I live, but we never actually got a snow day… Yes, BB will certainly come to love his costume…in time. Heh, I'm gonna try to stop the SM references, but I swear, sometimes I do this stuff unintentionally…O_O; Cops…I respect them and everything, but they always get pissed at heroes…so I thought I'd play on that a bit. And I only saw part two of “The Once and Future Thing”! I was so angry! But yeah, I bet stuff is gonna be really awkward between good ol' GL and HG from now on… I can only imagine if the subject ever comes up…

Green Lantern: So…have you ever considered…ya know…having a kid…?

Hawkgirl: …?

GL: I mean…not with ME. I mean, what could possibly lead me to believe that we would have a kid together that would become an armored badass named Warhawk? Why would I imply that? What, do you think me and Batman somehow traveled to the future and met said son?! Why would you think THAT?!

HG: …Is there something I should know, Jon?

GL: I PLEAD THE FIFTH!!!

ninmenju-shin: Those crazy, crazy lovebirds. Glad you liked the theme song idea. I'm not sure why, but I wanted to stick it in somewhere. This is weird, because I actually find the theme song quite annoying…yet strangely catchy.

TtitansFan: Yessss…yesss…press the BUTTON! The review button is a wonderful thing… I wouldn't know of the evils of little brothers…just big ones. One-liners are a great writing tool…that's why I use them so much! I guess I was implying that the big monster from chapter three was the most effed-up thing that BB has ever seen. You have both Evanescence CDs. Grr, I envy you. “Everybody's Fool” is a good (and often-used) song for the Terra arc, but I actually have some different songs in mind…yes, I am planning ahead! Which is NOT like me…O_O; My mom is rubbing off on me at last. Damn. I hope I do a good job with the re-telling… You're talking about the TitansGo.Net oekaki, yes? I think I've seen you around there…glad you like my stuff! I like part one of “Aftershock” better too…lots of kick-ass fight scenes!

K9: Glad you liked it! You're right, SP references aplenty. And yes, the Titans will have their day with Lt. Pommel. Note to self…look up the term “pompose”…I KNOW I've heard that somewhere…

Mag: Thanks, I will!

Bob-Chan: Yeah, reading back over that conversation, it did get kind of confusing. And I left some spacing out! I thought I corrected that…ah hell, I'll export the chap later. I'm glad you like this as an origin fic. I haven't read that many, and I decided to make one of my own! But it's going to be a lot more than that, as you'll see. Yes, I was pissed when I couldn't understand Mas y Menos, but I love French. And I swear, my French teacher is the coolest teacher…EVER. She rocks. Yes, I know Puffy AmiYumi sang the theme song, but I didn't want to use them for some reason…maybe it's because they have their own show now…which I haven't watched, and don't ever wish to. Damn, the extended version? I completely forgot about it when I was writing that chapter…ah well…

sugarpony: Sure I'll give you tips! A reviewer from “Heroes” actually asked for the same thing, so I'll give you the same advice…I can't think of anything better than what I said to her… n_n;

This is something you probably already know, but you really need to stamp it into your brain while you're writing (I have to do so on a regular basis): Metaphors and adjectives are your FRIEND. Screw around with descriptions as much as you can until you think it sounds good. If you need to mess with a paragraph for an HOUR, do so. It'll turn out a LOT better, trust me. Take advantage of space to build suspense. Instead of:

Suzie went into the living room and she could feel the presence of some other being with her. She backed towards the wall, but ran into something much softer. She heard breathing behind her. She turned. Suzie screamed, but not for very long.

Do this:

Suzie screamed, but not for very long.

It makes it a bit more interesting, doesn't it?

4. Never underestimate the power that is the one-liner.

5. Get creative with the way your characters speak. Do they have an accent? Don't be afraid to pile on the “ya's” and the “zis's” (“this” with a strong, foreign European accent, like German or French)

So…yeah. That's the best I have. However pathetic it may be. If you want more, I'll think of something. What site are you posting on, btw? Maybe I'll check it out.

Rowlingfan: O_o …Yeah, glomping is better. GLOMP!

xino: Tell me about it. Stupid politicians. I've made my mom promise to run me over with her car if I ever become one… Don't worry about the Titans though, they'll be fine.

CrazySpirit123: Thanks, I hope you like this chapter!

Xyteron: Yeah, something about BB actually CHOOSING to wear purple stripes just didn't sit with me. And BB angst is fun. But dorky BB is fun too, so don't be surprised if you see just as much of that. Eh, the cops are just stubborn. And not ALL of them are that way. No, there won't be any real signs of pairings for a long time. (If there ARE any, they're unintentional.)

Fallen Angel X: Thanks, I will!

Grumbumble: Yay, you're back! It does get VERY confusing writing both of these at once…I can never think of the right ideas at the right time. n_n; Pommel will be a constant hindrance to the Titans' social image. I'm glad you liked how I did those elements of the story, and I hope you like my “Blowfish-ified” version of the series.

“talking” `thinking' Tamaranian/TV COMPUTER (bold)

Disclaimer: Okay, even if I'm technically now using the basic PLOT of the series, I still don't own it. I'm gonna screw around with it, but I don't own it. I don't own Seinfield or Edward Elric (from Full Metal Alchemist) either.

Blowfish: Now…as I've said, from now on, this fic will be a retelling of sorts of the series. It will be different, though, with lots of twists. TWISTS, I SAY! And I'm gonna put in lots of my own stuff in between. And none of the nonsensical episodes, I'm afraid. This will be angsty. Very, very angsty. You have been warned.

Now…onto chapter seven!

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The sound of machines pounded in the woman's ears. The “ch-chk” of gears combined with the near darkness of the room was very unsettling. She tucked her notepad under her arm and stood, waiting.

“So, where is this stellar team you bragged about?”

The woman jumped a little in surprise then berated herself for doing so. She was supposed to stay calm. She looked up to see a masculine silhouette on the catwalk looking down at her.

“I have brought a video of them,” she said.

“Oh,” the man said, sounding almost amused. She winced a bit. His voice was very…unsettling. Creepy, really. That was the only word for it. “Why didn't you say so?”

With a snap of his fingers, a light came on, revealing a large screen with a small slot below it. The woman hesitantly strode over to it and popped a small disk into the slot. A large yellow hexagon appeared on the screen with an “H” in the middle and the acronym “H.A.E.Y.P” around the border. The woman cleared her throat.

“The HIVE Academy for Extraordinary Young People presents…” The screen shifted to a picture of three teenagers. One was almost too short to be called a teen. He sported goggles, a green jumpsuit, and a shaven head. The girl standing next to him had catlike pink eyes that matched her outlandish hair, which was drawn into two huge, horn-like bunches. A behemoth stood last in line. He had to be at least seven feet tall, and had long, shaggy red hair. “…this year's valedictorians.”

The screen flashed with light and sound, showing scenes of the three teens tearing into robots and obstacle courses. The camera paused on the short, bald boy, who had been in the process of using a robot's cannon against its fellows.

“This is Gizmo, the pride of out technology wing. He is highly trained in handling of any and all machines, particularly weaponry.”

“Interesting,” the man said. “Is he familiar with the makeup of guns?”

She actually chuckled. “Sir, he can dissemble a laser cannon blindfolded.”

“Ah. Quite experienced, I see.”

“All of them are. Now…” The screen paused again, this time focusing on the pink-haired girl. “Jinx. She's a sorceress of many spells, so to speak. She is very proficient with curses and hexes—the reason for her codename.”

“Mmm. That would be useful. Go on.”

The screen now showed the burly teen actually ripping a robot in half. “Mammoth is one of our genetically-enhanced students. He has the strength of ten lions.”

“Hmm…I would like to test that.”

“…'Test' it?”

“Well, the service this team offers me costs quite a sum of money. Surely the H.A.E.Y.P would have no problem with me putting their `valedictorians' through one final exam.”

“And what would that be?” she asked tentatively.

“Don't sound so concerned. Your students have the advantage of experience…and I believe their skills are perfect for this assignment.”

“Oh. What sort of `test' are we talking about?”

“Pitting them up against more than machines will give me a real idea of what they're capable of. If I like what I see, then we shall discuss your payment.”

“So who do you have in mind?” He snapped his fingers, and another image came up on the screen: A large T-shaped tower.

“The Teen Titans. Have you heard of them?”

“Yes…”

“I would assume you have. Most mercenary and criminal groups have become…concerned…with the presence of vigilantes. I wish to ease all our minds and dispose of them.”

“So you want the HIVE students to…”

“Kill the Teen Titans. Then I shall consider their services.”

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“'Nog champagne'?” Beast Boy asked, reading off of the package of incense.

“'Nag champa',” Raven growled. “They help me meditate.”

“Man, I hate incense. They mess with my nose.”

”It's soothing,” she said, snatching the package from him. “Unlike you, they don't give me a headache.”

“Hey!”

“Settle down, boys and girls,” Cyborg chuckled. “So Rae, how'd you like the movie? Sorry I couldn't sit through the rest of it with you.”

“What movie?” Beast Boy asked.

“I took her to Jump City's old theater—you know, the one where they play lots of sci-fi flicks? They were playing Raiders of the Lost Ark, but I had to go get some supplies and I left Rae at the theater.”

“They were playing Raiders of the Lost Ark?! And you didn't invite me?!”

“You were asleep, man. I think that bank robbery wore you out.”

“Then you should have woken me up!”

“Chill, man, they're playing it on the Sci-Fi channel in two weeks.”

“Oh...OK, I guess we'll watch it then. So, how did you like it, Rave?”

“Not at all,” she said, sipping her tea. “I fell asleep.”

Cyborg's human eye twitched. “You…WHAT?”

She shrugged. “It was boring.”

“BLASPHEMY!” Beast Boy exploded. “YOU SLEPT THROUGH RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK?! THAT'S LIKE…THAT'S LIKE THE EQUIVALENT OF THAT TIME ON SEINFIELD WHERE JERRY AND HIS GIRLFRIEND MADE OUT THROUGH SCHINDLER'S LIST!!!”

“Schindler's List was a movie about the Holocaust, not about some stupid archeologist. Besides, that episode wouldn't have been nearly as offensive if Jerry hadn't been Jewish. I'm not a sci-fi geek like you guys, so…”

“I…I can't believe this. EVERYTHING I KNOW IS WRONG!”

“Well then dance to that Weird Al song.”

Cyborg put a finger to his chin, temporarily distracted. “That rhymed. Huh.” At that point, Robin and Starfire walked in deep in conversation.

“…So that is how the Tamaranian physiology allows for solar regeneration,” she finished. Robin looked thoughtful.

“That's pretty cool. Hey!” he yelled, noticing Beast Boy and Raven in a savage argument. “What the hell is going on?”

“Beast Boy's just angry because I slept through Raiders of the Lost Ark,” Raven muttered.

“Well, that's a stupid thing to—wait, you slept through Raiders of the Lost Ark?”

“Not you too…”

“Well, it was a great movie.”

“Augh! I'm surrounded…”

“Please,” Starfire asked confusedly. “If this ark is lost, then why are people wishing to raid it?”

There was a long silence. Robin slapped his forehead while the others just stared.

“Star, it's a movie…” he said.

“Oh. Perhaps I should see this movie of people that raid arks that cannot be found?”

“I wouldn't recommend it,” Raven snorted.

“Hey now,” Cyborg said. “I spent eight bucks on that ticket!”

“I didn't say I wanted to see it.”

“Please, no more mean talking between friends!” Starfire interrupted. “We should mend this dispute over the consumption of the food of junk.”

“Junk food, Star,” Robin corrected her.

“Oh. Thank you, Robin! I shall fetch the `junk food'.” She opened the refrigerator, screamed, and shot a starbolt at it. Blue goo flew everywhere, coating everyone in the room. Starfire assumed a battle pose. “Fear not, friends! If we work quickly, perhaps we can vanquish the—“

“Star, what are you talking about?”

“This foul blue creature is none other than the Harganthan mold monster! It is very dangerous!”

“Uhhh…” Cyborg said, wiping some of the slime off his arm. “I think this is just Earthly mold, Star.”

“It is?”

“Uh, yeah,” Raven said. “And now it's in my hair.”

“Oh…I apologize. I was sure that it was the Harganthan mold monster…”

“Why would you be afraid of some stupid mold?” Beast Boy said.

“The Harganthan mold monster is a very poisonous creature in the Harganthan swamp on Tamaran. All Tamaranians are told to stay away from it from childhood.”

“Ugh,” Raven muttered, squeegee-ing out her hair. “I think I saw this growing on Beast Boy's tofu earlier…”

“WHAT?!” Beast Boy yelled. “Why didn't you say anything?!”

“I figured you'd find it.”

“Are you trying to kill me?!”

“Maybe.”

“Hold it down, team,” Robin said. “It's lunchtime. I say we go out for pizza. You guys wanna do that?” There was a pause, and everyone nodded. “Good. Let's go.”

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“Dude! We are not getting the meat special! I've been most of those animals!”

“You are not denying me the all-meat experience, green genes!”

“Didn't I suggest coming here to stop the fighting?” Robin grumbled.

“Cyborg's a meat man, Beast Boy's a vegan,” Raven said, leafing through the menu. “I don't think they could stop arguing without defying the laws of nature.”

The waitress walked over. “Can I get you guys something to drink?”

“Orange soda,” Beast Boy said.

“Grape soda,” Cyborg answered.

“I would wish to have your finest mustard!” The waitress stared at Starfire. Robin nodded at the girl, who then wrote down the order and turned to Raven.

“Hot water, please,” the empath responded without looking up.

“A Dr. Pepper would be great,” Robin said. The girl nodded and left, and Beast Boy and Cyborg went back to arguing.

“Vegetarian!”

“All-meat!”

“Perhaps bananas, pickles, and some mint frosting?” Starfire suggested.

“Azar, kill me now,” Raven muttered.

On the roof of the building across the street, someone was watching the Titans. The dwarfish figure adjusted his goggles. `This is who Slade wants us to destroy?' he thought. `These idiots? Puh-leeze…'

“Gizmo, you there or what?” a voice said in his ear. He put his hand up to his com-link.

“Keep your shirt on, Jinx,” he muttered.

“That's exactly the opposite of what I expect to hear from you, ya little pervert.”

He reddened. “Can we talk about this later?”

“Oh, we will. Once I find out which one of you panty-raided my room, the perpetrator won't be having kids…”

“You know that was Mammoth.”

“No, I don't. For all I know, it could've been both of you, considering the fact that the room was torn up and there was a foot stool by the dresser.”

“Err…bzzt! You're…bzzt…you're breaking up Jinx! BZZJJT! BZZT!”

“Don't pull that crap with me. I'll whoop your little ass later, right now I'm going to commence with phase one. Jinx out.” The com-link turned off.

“Little bitch,” Gizmo muttered. “I ain't takin' the fall for Mammoth, that's for sure. If I go down, that bastard's goin' down with me…”

Jinx was at the top of the hill on which the pizza parlor rested. She stood on the sidewalk, trying to be inconspicuous—something hard to do when you have pink hair. But she had been trained to blend in. She strode over to the bus that was parked on the street, avoiding the sight of the driver, who was on the sidewalk talking with another man.

Jinx leaned up against the bus in a casual manner, and slid her hand out of her pocket and pressed her palm against the vehicle. Pink, electricity-like magic sprang from her fingers, dancing across the bus and into the driver's seat, where they jumped to the gearshift lever, putting it in neutral. She quickly walked away as the bus began to roll down the hill.

“HEY!” the driver yelled, running after it. “HELP! RUNAWAY BUS!”

Down the street, Beast Boy's ears perked up. “I think someone needs help.”

“Look!” Starfire gasped. A bus was careening down the hill, picking up speed. People on the street ran away, but there was a lone baby carriage in the middle of the bus's path.

Robin jumped into action. “Star, take the carriage, BB and I will back you up. Cyborg, Raven, stop the bus. Titans, GO!”

Starfire flew towards the carriage and picked it up, taking it safely to the other side of the street. Robin and Beast Boy followed her while Raven and Cyborg planted their feet in the street.

“Ready to go Edward Elric on this thing, Rae?” Cyborg chuckled.

“Actually, I've got a better idea,” she said. “But I will need you to slow it down.”

“You got it.” He ran forward and shot out his arms, pressing his hands to the moving bus's grill. His metal feet let out a horrible screech grinding against the asphalt, and a bead of sweat crept down the human half of his face. Raven held up her hand.

“Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos!” The bus's gearshift slid back into park. The wheels came to a screeching halt, as did the bus. Cyborg slid to the ground against it, panting.

“Nice one, Rae. Now who's the nimrod driving this thing?”

“Err…no one,” she said, peering in the doors. “This thing is completely empty.”

“What?”

Robin picked up the teddy bear out of the baby carriage. “Strange…” he muttered. “We've got the toy…but no baby.”

“Out to lunch?” Beast Boy laughed nervously. Robin glared at him, while Starfire glanced around.

“Robin,” she whispered. “I feel that something…is not right.” She paused. “What is that beeping sound?”

”What beeping sound?” Robin asked.

“I hear it too,” Beast Boy said. He looked at the toy resting in Robin's hands. “I think it's coming from the teddy bear.” Robin's eyes widened under his mask.

“Oh sh—”

BOOOOOM!!!

Raven and Cyborg turned just in time to see the teddy bear explode. Robin managed to drop it before it detonated, but it still blew him, Starfire, and Beast Boy across the street. Starfire smacked into a wall, Robin skidded on the ground, and Beast Boy landed in a trash can. Raven imagined that she would find this all very amusing in the future, but was too scared for her friends' safety to do so now.

Cyborg used the bus to support himself as he rose to his feet. “Hey, are you guys—WHOOAA!” The bus was lifted upwards, and Cyborg fell flat on his face. Raven tugged on his arm trying to get him to stand. He looked up to see a large, hairy teen lifting up the bus. The boy grinned at them.

“Crap,” Raven whispered.

CHOOUUUM!!! (A/N: I just love my onomatopoeias, don't I?)

The bus slammed down on Raven and Cyborg, and Mammoth dusted off his hands, with a satisfied look on his face. Gizmo landed next to him.

“Jeez, what a bunch of pathetic losers,” Gizmo sneered. “This is almost no fun.” He grinned maliciously. “Almost.” Jinx came running up.

“Did we beat them already?” she asked, looking almost disappointed. “I wanted to see if that Raven chick is really all she's cracked up to be…and that Cyborg guy was kind of cute…”

Beast Boy looked a bit miffed. “What about me?”

“You haven't beaten us yet!” Robin yelled, scrambling to his feet. Beast Boy stuck his head out of the trash can.

“Yeah! We aren't that weak! We'll kick your asses!”

“Yes, we shall go…bronze age on your rears!” Starfire added. Beast Boy tripped getting out of the trash can.

“Once again, my heroic momentum is shot dead,” he muttered. The HIVE students snickered.

“'Bronze age on your rears'…” Gizmo laughed. “I've gotta write that down. That's Master Card priceless.”

“I hope your witty banter isn't your strong point,” Jinx chuckled. “This is gonna be so easy…”

“You think so, huh?” Robin said.

“I already squashed your buddies over there,” Mammoth grunted. “So yeah, I think so.” He paused. The light around him had changed. He looked down to see a shadow cast over him. He and the other two turned to see Cyborg lifting the bus over his head, Raven standing next to him.

“Think again.” Cyborg tossed the bus at them, and they dashed out of the way. Robin seized the opportunity.

“Titans! GO!”

Robin delivered a dropkick to Mammoth's head, followed by Cyborg elbowing him in the back. Raven leapt at Jinx, and the two began trading blows—magical and otherwise. Starfire darted around after the airborne Gizmo, and Beast Boy transformed into a hawk, attempting to cut the miniature MacGyver off.

“You fight like a boy,” Jinx scoffed, blocking another one of Raven's punches.

“Where'd you get your hairstyle?” Raven snorted, dodging Jinx's spinning kick. “'Moose Fashion Weekly'?”

“At least I have style,” the horn-haired sorceress growled. “What is that cloak, it's atrocious.”

“Don't diss the cloak,” Raven said dangerously. She aimed a kick at Jinx's feet, but Jinx jumped up and did another spinning kick, this time successfully knocking Raven down.

Mammoth threw Robin a good twenty feet and blocked an oncoming assault from Cyborg. He locked the mechanical man's hands in his.

“Ya know…you aren't too bright,” Mammoth said.

“I'm not bright?” Cyborg laughed. “Well, since I'm talking to Einstein…” Mammoth snickered.

“At least I know when I've got a rocket stuck to my back.”

“Cyborg, watch it!” Beast Boy yelled. Cyborg looked over his shoulder to find Gizmo finishing welding a rocket to his back. He pressed a button, and the rocket ignited. Cyborg's eyes widened.

“HEY!”

“So long, Flyboy!” Mammoth laughed, letting go of Cyborg's hands; the Titan went shooting into the sky, Starfire tailing him in an attempt to help.

Robin got up and looked around: Jinx was tearing into Raven, and Beast Boy was just trying to avoid death at the hands of Gizmo and Mammoth. Things did not bold well for the Titans. He had to help them somehow...

“HEY, MIDGET!” Robin screamed. Gizmo stopped dead.

“WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME, BIRD-BOY?!”

“I called you midget, half-pint! Man, I thought I was short! I bet I know what you want for your birthday: A booster seat!”

“YOU PIECE OF SHIT, COME OVER HERE AND SAY THAT!!!” Gizmo yelled, a vein beginning to pulse at his temple.

“Ignore `im, Giz,” Mammoth said. “We'll get him after we take care of grass-boy.” He gestured in Beast Boy's direction.

“WHAT, YA SCARED?!” Robin asked, getting more and more confident by the second. “WHAT WERE YOUR PARENTS, ANTS? BET THEY WERE DELIGHTED THAT YOU CAME OUT SO BIG! AND WHERE'D YOU GET THAT JUMPSUIT, THE BABY CLOTHES DEPARTMENT?!”

“GAAHH! I'LL KILL YOU!!!” Gizmo shrieked. His backpack sprouted four long, spindly metal legs, and he ran on them towards Robin at an astonishing speed. Robin threw several exploding disks, but Gizmo evaded them. The Boy Wonder was knocked back by a blast from Jinx.

“Gizmo, stop messing around,” Jinx berated him. “You can show off you gadgets when we aren't doing something serious.”

Gizmo was very flustered. “But that bastard called me a—“

“Gizmo. You're SHORT. Get over it. Now is not the time, let's just get this over with.” She turned to Robin. “Since our resident masked man is such a distraction, let's get rid of him, shall we? Attack Pattern Alpha?”

“Sounds good to me,” he said, cracking his knuckles. Mammoth, who was at that time busy grinding Beast Boy's nose in the ground with on hand while strangling Raven in the other, looked up.

“Huh?”

Gizmo sighed. “Up and at `em Mammoth, we're gonna kill bird-boy.”

“Oh,” he said, dropping Raven on top of Beast Boy. “Sweeeet.”

Robin got up, feeling a bit less capable now that his only available teammates were lying on the ground, motionless—thus making them somewhat unavailable. `Just chill, Robin. You've just gotta get past those three and get to Rae and BB… Don't worry… Just like Bats always says: Eye of the tiger, Robin, eye of the tiger.'

“Attack Pattern Alpha!” Jinx yelled, running at him, sending blasts left and right. Things exploded and flew all over the place, making Robin dash around avoiding them. Mammoth burst through the chaos and took a swing at him, but he jumped as high as he could to avoid the attack. Instead of jumping up after him, Mammoth back-flipped; Robin saw the reason for it in the 15 missiles that Gizmo sent his way.

He barely had time to even think “shit” before the ground exploded beneath him and sent him hurdling into the sewers.

Raven lifted her throbbing head off the pavement, angry at being kicked around and dropped like a rag doll. She then realized that she had been dropped on something soft. Looking down, she saw a grumbling, half-conscious Beast Boy, whose arm was bent at an unusual angle. She groaned and got to her feet. One is forced only to imagine the expression of horror that graced her features when she saw that the HIVE students had made short work of her leader.

“Soooo…what's left, boys? I suppose it would be prudent to dispose of these two over here,” Jinx mused. “I mean, Slade said we should take them all out, right?”

“Mmm,” Mammoth grunted in agreement. Gizmo seemed somewhat disappointed that their “fun” had to end so soon.

“Can we drag it out? Just a bit?” he begged.

“Christ, Gizmo, I can see why the teachers liked you so much,” Jinx said. “You're such a friggin' sadist.”

He shrugged. “You like hanging out at clubs. I like beating the crap out of people.”

“When you can.”

“Shut it, let's kill these guys.”

“Don't count on it,” Raven whispered. Ebony tendrils unfurled beneath her, enveloping her and Beast Boy. The glowing black form became a bird which rose off the ground and flew off into the sky. Gizmo revved up his jetpack for pursuit, but Jinx grabbed his shoulder.

“C'mon, we gotta catch those guys!” he yelled at her. Jinx sighed, smiled, and shook her head.

“They're already beat, my vertically-challenged friend. They're alone, injured, and without a leader.”

“But we're supposed to kill them,” Mammoth said, looking confused. Still smiling, Jinx began walking in the direction that the bird had gone.

“We know where they are. We have all the time in the world.”

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“Beast Boy…Beast Boy…c'mon, wake up…don't make me get out a bucket of water…”

Beast Boy knew the owner of the voice that was talking to him, though he couldn't quite place them. He was trying to remember what had happened, but all he could really remember was someone rubbing his face in the dirt. Not exactly helpful. He groaned and tried to get up, supporting himself with his right arm.

Big mistake.

“GAH!” He fell back down, gripping his arm, writhing in pain. His eyes were now open and were resting on Raven.

“That hurt?” she asked.

“What tipped you off?”

“I think it might be broken.”

“Gee, it would've been swell to have known that before trying to use it.”

“Just had to be sure.”

“And, as usual, there are less painful ways; but you enjoy it, don't you?”

“A small part of me does. But I was raised pacifist, so not really.”

“You're a pacifist?”

“Raised pacifist. Big difference.”

Beast Boy snorted. “I can imagine. Jeez, trying to raise you pacifist…your parents must've had their hands full.”

Raven shot him an icy glare. “Don't go on about crap you don't understand. Give me your arm.” He held up his arm and she put her hands on it. He winced, but she didn't seem to notice. A soft blue light surrounded his arm, and after a few seconds, died down. He flexed it and found there was no more pain.

“I forgot you could do that,” he said, grinning. “Good as new.” His happy expression vanished when he noticed how drained she looked. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah…I just…it was a little…more than I'm used to.” Her eyelids drooped, and he put his hands on her shoulders.

“You sure?”

“Yeah…just…gimme a minute.”

“I don't get it, Rae. You were fine last time, and that was a bullet wound.”

Her eyes closed completely, but her head remained up. “It's easier to heal myself because I've already got my natural factor working.”

“So you heal yourself automatically most of the time?”

“Most times.”

“Man, I wish I could do that. I can't really morph when I'm injured. All the changing organs and moving bones is really complicated, and just one cut can really mess me up.”

“That sucks…is there somewhere I can sit down?”

Beast Boy looked around; he hadn't even realized that they were back in the Tower. “Uhh…sure.” He led her to the couch. She sat and let her head hang, her breathing slow. “Are you sure you're okay? I mean, you really look—“

“Robin's gone.”

Beast Boy's eyes widened. “W-what?”

“I don't know if he's…alive or not…but I'll wager he won't be…much help to us. Cyborg and Starfire are probably halfway to Gotham by now.”

“Yeah, I know that,” he said, recalling the events. “Raven, what are we gonna do?”

Raven shifted her position, laying her head on the couch. She opened one eye, and aimed it at him. “Wait it out.”

“How can you say that? We're no doubt in imminent danger, Star and Cy are miles away, and we don't even know if Robin's… We can't just sit here.”

“Our danger would be much less imminent if we stay here. And Starfire can fly fast—she will catch Cyborg, if she hasn't already. And though I'm a pessimist, I'm not quite willing to sell Robin so short…not yet.” Almost as if on cue, the doors to the Tower opened to reveal two tall figures.

“Man, that was nuts!” Cyborg laughed. “I could see the Wayne Enterprises building by the time Star got that thing off my back!”

“Yes, catching him was…quite trying,” Starfire agreed. “Friends, why do you bear such grim expressions?”

“Yeah, and where's Rob? Ordering victory pizza? So? How'd you guys do it?”

Beast Boy looked dumbfounded. “Do what?”

“Oh come on, Star and I checked back where you guys were fighting. It was empty! You guys kicked ass, right?” He stared at his two teammates. Beast Boy's eyes were fearful, and Raven looked exhausted.

“Friends…?” Starfire whispered.

“Come on! How'd you beat them? I've gotta have the play-by-play!” Cyborg looked a little frantic.

“Dude…” the green changeling muttered. “We didn't kick anybody's ass. We got our asses kicked.”

“Where is Robin?” Starfire asked.

“…Dunno…” Raven murmured.

“What did you say?!”

“She doesn't know, Star,” Beast Boy said softly. “Neither of us does.”

Cyborg sat down. Hard. “Those bastards…they got him, didn't they?”

“We don't know, really. He just fell, and…I don't remember.”

The mechanical man grabbed the smaller boy by the shoulders. “You don't remember? How do you not—“

“He was barely conscious,” Raven said. “He was hurt, Robin was toast, and I panicked. If anything, this is my fault.”

“Toast?” Starfire asked. “What is this toast Robin has become? How can you not know where he is?”

“Star…”

“NO! People do not simply vanish, so he must be somewhere, so go there and look!”

“Chill, Star!” Beast Boy interrupted. “This is Robin. He's the `Boy Wonder', right? I'm sure he's fine, so you can—“

“Shit,” Raven whispered.

“What?” His ears perked up, and his face turned a much paler shade of green. “Oh no.”

“Everybody get do—“

BOOOOOM!

The door of the Tower burst into pieces, flying everywhere. Raven produced a shield around herself, Cyborg covered Starfire, and Beast Boy turned into a turtle. When the smoke cleared, they all came out of hiding to see three silhouettes in what remained of their entrance.

“The mat said `welcome', so we thought we'd just let ourselves in,” Jinx said.

“Oh, you're welcome,” Cyborg growled. “Welcome to an ass-kicking! Titans, GO!”

Almost instantly, the other three Titans ran in opposite directions from each other, except for Starfire, who seemed to be going in Raven's direction. Cyborg stood looking a little embarrassed before running off too.

“So much for teamwork,” Jinx snorted. “Gizmo, take metal man. Mammoth, you've got the girls.”

“Heheheheh…sounds good,” Mammoth chuckled, heading up the stairs.

“What about you?” Gizmo asked.

“Me?” Jinx grinned mischievously. “I'm gonna wrangle me a beast.”

“You really should've gone on your own,” Raven said, locking the door behind her and Starfire.

“But you are fatigued!” the stubborn alien protested. “You may need assistance.”

“My exhaustion wore off five minutes ago. I'm fine.”

“…Oh.”

“You should get out and ambush one of them. There are four of us, three of them.”

“Yes, I shall—EEEEK!” Mammoth's head was rammed through the wall, grinning maliciously.

“Hello, ladies,” he said.

“Starfire?” Raven said. “Punching bag?”

“Punching bag,” she agreed. Her and Raven drew back their fists and hit Mammoth with everything they had.

“Here, pretty kitty,” Jinx called. The green tiger that was Beast Boy was running down the hall away from her—more specifically the explosions that were occurring every time she took a step. “Whassamatter? Afraid of a little bad luck?”

Beast Boy took another few steps and spun around. He was preparing to pounce on the sorceress, but the ceiling crumbled above him, fell, and smacked him on the head. The shape-shifter dropped like a sack of potatoes, morphing back into his human form on the way down. Jinx snickered, grabbed him by his leg, and began dragging his limp form down the hall.

Cyborg locked the door to the storage room, panting. `This is insane,' he thought. `This is our house, and we're on the defensive. I wish I'd finished those communicators...' He heard banging on the door.

“Heeeeyyy, tin-man!” Gizmo cackled from outside. “Jeez, are you that much of a coward? Hiding in some dusty room from me, a guy a sixth your size?”

`Don't let `im get to you, Cy,' Cyborg thought. `Keep cool.'

“I'm sorry you couldn't see us toast bird boy. It was great, you should've seen the look on his face. That little bastard had it coming, he—“

`Don't...snap. That's what he wants. Robin's fine; this little ass-wipe is just trying to get under your skin. Hey…why'd he stop talking?' The door opened, and a shocked Cyborg backed away from it. Gizmo stuck his head in.

“Heeeere's Gizmo.”

Cyborg threw a punch at Gizmo, but he simply moved over the Titan's head using the long, spider-like legs protruding from his backpack. Once over Cyborg, he withdrew the legs and dropped onto his opponent's back.

“Hey! Get off my back, dammit!” Cyborg yelled.

“Second time today,” Gizmo muttered. “One would assume you had the brains to put your guard up.” He took out one of his arsenal of tools. “Now, let's see if you have a heart under all that outdated crap-tech.”

“You little—ARE YOU HACKING ME?! YOU ARE NOT HACKING ME! YOU LITTLE BAST—AHH! MY ARM!”

Cyborg's arm popped off and fell to the floor. He stood there for a few seconds, simply gaping at his now-useless appendage. Gizmo grinned.

“Ejector arm. Bet that really gets the ladies.”

“You bastard! HEY! DON'T TOUCH THAT! SOMEBODY GET THIS LITTLE CRETIN OFF ME! I HAVE BEEN VIOLATED!!!”

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Beast Boy woke up underwater. He was flailing his arms all around in a panic before he realized the obvious: `Chill, BB. You're an animal shape-shifter,' he thought. `Besides, you can swim.' His head broke the surface of the ocean and he looked up at Titan's Tower. `How the hell did I get down here? Dammit, I keep waking up not knowing how I got there! Stupid short-term memory, I always—` His thoughts were cut short by the sound of breaking glass, two high-pitched screams, and a splash. Raven and Starfire surfaced, seething.

“That shorkmelp!” Starfire ranted, shaking her fist in a rage. “I shall markel him before he can say `poonkag'!”

Beast Boy turned to Raven. “Do you have any idea what she just—“

“No,” Raven said. “But I think I agree with her.”

“So, who got you?”

“The Neanderthal. You?”

“The pink-haired one, I think.”

“Where's Cyb—“

“AAAAAHHH!” SPLASH!

“Does that answer your question?” Beast Boy asked.

“I suppose it does,” Raven grumbled.

Cyborg came up gasping for air. “Help!” was all he got out before slipping back under.

“Can he swim?” Beast Boy asked.

“Damn,” Raven muttered. Her green teammate sighed, morphed into a dolphin, and dove under to save their friend. Cyborg surfaced clinging to Beast Boy.

“That…midget…” he gasped.

“You okay?”

“He took my arm! He ejected my goddamn right arm!”

“So that's why you couldn't swim.”

“Yeah, though I can't exactly swim like a fish normally. I sink like a rock.”

“Umm…friends?” Starfire asked.

“What?” Raven asked without even looking.

“I believe that that large mass of water will be quite painful when it reaches us.” She pointed to the ten-foot wave heading towards them. Beast Boy's ears drooped.

“Ahh, crap.”

The Titans washed up on shore not long after the wave crashed, all bruised and beaten. Cyborg had bits of sand stuck in his circuits and was not at all happy about it. He crawled up the deserted beach and sat near the top of the hill. He was joined moments later by the other Titans; Starfire flopped facedown on the sand, Beast Boy sat twirling his fingers in the sand, and Raven slumped up against her mechanical friend.

Cyborg sighed. His index finger converted into a blowtorch which he used to work on some of the damaged circuits in his leg. Starfire watched for a few minutes, and then sat up.

“Perhaps I could be of some assistance,” she said softly. “The intensity of my starbolt can—“

“I've got it,” he said, cutting her off.

“But—“

“I've got it, OK?!”

“Chill, man,” Beast Boy said. “She's just trying to—“

“Look, I've been beaten up, hacked into, made left-handed, and kicked out of my house, and I ain't feelin' too cool about it!”

“So? That doesn't give you the excuse to be mean!”

“Just…quit it, would ya?” Raven muttered. “This situation already sucks enough, you two don't need to make it worse with your inane babbling.”

“Jeez, Raven!” Cyborg yelled. “Don't you get it? It's over! We're friggin' screwed!”

“That doesn't mean you can—“

“STOP IT!” Beast Boy screamed. Everybody stopped and stared at him. “God, will you guys cut it out? This is bullshit! We've been beaten once and now all of the sudden it's the end of the fucking world! I'm not gonna stand by and let a muscle-head, a midget, and some bitch who can make you trip—“

“—A lot,” Raven pointed out.

“And the `muscle-head' of which you speak is quite formidable,” Starfire added.

“And that midget hacked my system,” Cyborg finished.

“So?!” he yelled. Now everyone was in a shocked silence. “Who are they? THEY'RE FRICKIN' NOBODIES! WE CAN TAKE THEM! WE WON'T—NO, WE CAN'T GIVE UP!”

“Whoa…BB…”

“FREAKIN' A, MAN!” Beast Boy yelled, collapsing in a panting heap.

“Well then,” Raven muttered, grinning. “Where do we start?”

“You can start,” a familiar voice said. “by telling me what I missed.”

All of the Titans spun around, not daring to believe their ears. But they were right: It was Robin, standing on shore. His hair was wet, one of his gloves was missing, and he was covered in some form of slime. He wiped a bit of it off his face and smiled. The other Titans smiled, too.

“Well,” Cyborg said. “The cliff-notes version of it is that we got our asses kicked in our own home, I lost my arm, and BB gained a lot of spunk.” He ruffled Beast Boy's hair. “How `bout you?”

“I swam in the sewers for a few hours…not much else. Unless you'd rather I go into detail—“

“I can live without them, thanks. So, got a plan?”

“Yeah.”

“Is it a good one?”

He shrugged. “I guess we'll see.”

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Gizmo was taking a lot of pleasure in the possession of Cyborg's arm. He was using one of his tools to control it, making it do all sorts of things, such as arm and thumb wrestling, waving, and flipping Jinx the bird behind her back. Mammoth came up behind him and watched him arm wrestle it.

“Jinx is right,” Mammoth said, shaking his head. “You are a sadist.”

“Proud of it, buddy,” Gizmo said happily, letting himself win again.

Jinx came down the stairs into the living room. “Man, I can't believe it.” She held up one of Raven's blue cloaks. “She has like, four of these things…I bet it looks better on me.” She fastened the cloak around her and faced the boys. “How do I look?”

“Good,” Mammoth said.

“Looks better on that Raven chick,” Gizmo said, somewhat distracted by the mechanical arm. Jinx walked over and grabbed the arm and held it above his head as he jumped at it. “Give it back!”

“Now that we've kicked the Titans out, we should contact Slade,” she said. Gizmo crossed his arms indignantly.

“Fine, we'll call him. Now give it back!”

“All right, but you can't play with it anymore. Don't think I didn't see you flipping me off.” She handed the arm back to him, and he begrudgingly put it on the table near the computer.

“Hey,” Mammoth said, pointing at the open refrigerator. “Look at all this mold!” While the other two went over to examine what he was pointing at, the tip of the middle finger of Cyborg's hand detached from the finger and turned outwards, revealing a tiny camera. It focused and looked around the room, apparently making not of the three teens currently mystified with the spoiled contents of the Tower's fridge.

Using the other three fingers and thumb as makeshift legs, the arm scuttled up to the computer where it leaned on the stump of the arm. It used its fingers to type on the keys.

527177

CODE ACCEPTED

TOWER SECURITY OVERRIDE INITIATED

All of the lights in the Tower turned red and began flashing, and alarms blared everywhere. The trio of HIVE students looked around frantically for the source of this new development. Gizmo ran over to the computer, where he found Cyborg's arm standing straight up on its stump. He goggled at it as the finger camera looked at him. The camera then retracted into the finger, and all the fingers curled up into a fist—except the middle one.

“You son of a—“ Gizmo began, but he was cut off by the starbolts that knocked him and Mammoth into the elevator, which then ascended. Huge black talons came from the ceiling, scooped up Jinx, and melted back into the ceiling.

The elevator deposited Gizmo and Mammoth on the roof, as did the talons carrying Jinx. The possessor of the talons, a large black bird, landed near the Titans and resumed her natural form. Cyborg's arm came running out of one of the roof vents, and Cyborg picked it up and reattached it to his shoulder. The three villains stood to face the Titans.

“I thought we got rid of you,” Jinx sighed. “I guess some people never learn…Attack Pattern Al—“

“Not this time!” Robin yelled. “Titans, GO!”

Giving the HIVE students no time to get organized, the Titans leapt at them. Cyborg took a swipe at Jinx, but she evaded it. With a loud clunk, Gizmo landed on Cyborg's back and took out his tools.

“Ready for a checkup?” he laughed.

“No,” Cyborg said. He pressed a button on his arm, and a massive electric shock jolted Gizmo off of him and to the ground, where he sat in a daze. Cyborg picked him up by his collar. “I'll bet you're shocked.”

Jinx would've been helping her teammate, had she not been occupied with her own fight. Beast Boy darted around her, changing forms frequently to keep her on her toes. She kept throwing blasts at him, but he just wouldn't stay still. He morphed into a small monkey and jumped on her head, latching herself onto her face. She flailed all around and finally gripped him by his legs and threw him up in the air. Only when she looked down and saw his shadow over hers getting bigger did she realize her mistake. A split second later, she was under a huge green grizzly bear, groaning.

Mammoth lunged at Raven, but she floated out of the way of his attack with ease. Starfire flew down from her place in the sky and gave him the old one-two punch—which, from a Tamaranian, is much more forceful than usual. Mammoth was flung backwards…right into Robin's awaiting fist.

CRACK!

Mammoth let out one last grunt and dropped to the ground. Robin dusted off his hands and looked at the others.

“Everyone all right?” Robin asked.

“Yep,” Raven said.

“I'm fine, but I think I may have cracked hex-girl's rib over here,” Beast Boy said, jerking his thumb at the immobile Jinx.

“I am well, Robin,” Starfire said.

“I'm good too,” Cyborg said. “And I was just having a chat with our new buddy here.” He tugged a bit on Gizmo's collar. “He was just about to explain why he and his jackass friends attacked us.”

“Do tell,” Robin said, stepping forward.

“D-damn…” Gizmo muttered. “Slade's gonna fucking kill us.”

Robin reached out and grabbed him out of Cyborg's grip. “Who is Slade?”

“Psst. Like I'll tell you. Anything you could do to me is nothing compared to what the HIVE's gonna do to us when they realized we didn't sell.”

“Sell? Whaddya mean `sell'?”

“None of your damn business. I'm not gonna say anything, so could you just hand us over to the cops?”

Robin snarled at Gizmo, but the boy's blank expression didn't change. He dropped Gizmo. “Fine…Raven, could you—?”

“Sure,” she said. A large pair of black wings emerged around Jinx, Gizmo and Mammoth. They were sucked into the swirling black vortex under Raven. Raven silently changed into her soul form and flew in the direction of the city.

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“The students are being picked up as we speak by the HIVE,” the woman said. She looked embarrassed, to say the least. Her gaze returned to the man on the catwalk. “Failure on such missions is not typical of HIVE students—“

“I'm not going to be talking prices, if that's what your wondering,” the man on the catwalk said. He pulled a cigarette out of his pocket and lit it, sticking it in one of the holes in the front of his mask. “I am…disinterested in your team's services. Or any other services from your association, for that matter.”

“But Slade—“

“But NOTHING! I will have no more dealings with the HIVE unless they are beneficial to both the HIVE and me, and we've seen how well that's been going, haven't we?”

“Slade…”

He chuckled. “It doesn't matter, really. I've gotten what I want from your organization. The only real reason I wanted to `test' your students was to deliver a message.”

“W…what?”

“And your students passed that test with flying colors!” He gestured to the screen. Robin's face appeared on it. The tape played, over and over again, and Robin only said one thing:

“Who is Slade?”

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“OH MY GOD! NOOO!!!”

“What is it, BB?” Cyborg asked.

“They…they ALPHABETIZED MY TUNES…BY ARTIST.”

Raven looked up from her copy of Neverwhere. “…Isn't that the way one normally alphabetizes CDs?”

“Hell no! I alphabetize them by the first letter of the first song on them!”

Raven stared at him. “You will never cease to confound me, Beast Boy.”

“LOOK AT THIS! THIRD EYE BLIND IS NEXT TO THREE DOORS DOWN! MARILYN MANSON IS NEXT TO MAROON 5! THE DIXIE CHICKS ARE NEXT TO EVANESCENCE! OH, THE MADNESS, THE CARNAGE, THE…hey, wait a second! We don't have an Evanescence CD!”

“Err…yes we do,” Cyborg said. He turned to Raven. “Those bastards must've found it…I said I would buy you the CD, right?”

Raven smiled. “Thanks.”

“No problem.”

Robin plopped down on the couch and turned on the TV. The other Titans sat down next to him.

“So…guess we ain't tryin' to find Slade?” Cyborg asked.

“Nah, we can do that later. Let's find a movie.”

“Action of the adventure?” Starfire suggested.

“Please, no,” Cyborg pleaded. “Our lives are an action-adventure movie.”

“Without Angelina Jolie, too,” Beast Boy added. “Life sucks.”

“Hey guys…” Robin said slyly. “I found something that I bet you'd like. Especially you, Raven.”

“Oh?” Raven asked, somewhat curious.

“Yep. TNT is playing Raiders of the Lost Ark.”

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Blowfish: Ha, thought I'd end this chap with a little joke. Anyway, I hope you guys don't hate me for taking a two-month break. I had lots of fun writing this chapter, and man was it long! No preview this time, though. It's late, and I have to get up early tomorrow. (yawns) So remember…REVIEW! Seeya!