Tenchi Muyo Fan Fiction ❯ Aurora of Rainbow Fire ❯ Crime and Punishment part B. ( Chapter 5 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

The story arc Aurora of Rainbow Fire is part two of an
ongoing series called The Odd Man Out.

This story is archived at
http://www.tmffa.com/member.html?id=420

Visit http://www.livejournal.com/users/nugarwrites/ for
updates and new fics.

Aurora of Rainbow Fire chapter four: Crime and Punishment
part b.

A Tenchi Muyo TV series lime comedy by Nugar.
Email the author at nugarthebarbarian@yahoo.com with any
comments.
All characters and situations copyright their creators,
Hiroki Hayashi and Masaki Kajishima, and AiC and Pioneer and are
used without permission. This is a nonprofit work only.






Sunlight streamed down through the cloudless sky, bringing
new life and vitality to the jungle. The temperature rose
steadily, evaporating much of the rain that hadn't soaked into
the ground and giving everything a musky, sticky pall.

High in one of the tallest trees around, Kiyone slept
soundly, both hands grasping the limb behind her and her feet
crossed behind the branch that supported the other end of her
makeshift hammock. Her hair was tangled and matted, full of
twigs, leaves, and dirt, as well as a broad selection of the
native wildlife. She could be considered a ravishing beauty, a
being straight from the most precious of fantasies, but only to a
trained entomologist.

Biting insects of all sizes and shapes crawled over her
semi-nude form, clad only in sweat soaked panties now that she
had used the rest of her clothes to make her bed. Neither the
oppressive heat and humidity nor the insects disturbed her
exhausted slumber.

Another, more primitive humanoid shared the hammock with
her, a medium sized monkey curled up on her chest and stomach,
well out of reach of any possible predators and certainly in a
better sleeping area than hanging on a limb by its own muscle
power. Occasionally it would scratch furtively at its mangy pelt
and roll over in its sleep.

A particularly raucous scream in a nearby tree caused the
monkey to jerk awake, instantly scanning for predators. It
cautiously looked over the edge of Kiyone's sleeping body,
looking for any sign of the leopard that had turned yesterday
into such an exciting event.

Nothing. No sign of the leopard, nor could the most
careful sniffing catch any except old traces. Apparently, it had
gotten bored and left, probably sometime during the flash
thunderstorm the previous night.

Chittering in delight, the monkey scrambled down the tree
and hurried off to find its family troop.

Several minutes later, Kiyone woke as well, groaning in
agony as once silent muscles made themselves known to her again.
Carefully, she brushed as many bugs as possible off and scratched
herself all over, paying particular attention to her tangled mass
of hair on her head, which seemed a few short steps from getting
up and running off of its own accord. Her thighs and crotch were
also subjected to vigorous scratching, eliciting many small cries
of delight as she finally stopped some of the itching.

Or, in other words, Kiyone woke up that morning just like
men do every day.

Another benefit of the scratching was that it helped limber
her muscles up; isomeric exercises took care of the ones she
couldn't move easily, at least to the point that she was ready to
attempt getting out of the hammock.

Slowly, she eased herself to a sitting position, her legs
dangling over the sides and her arms holding herself steady.
From here she could take more accurate stock of her situation.

A careful examination of the tree below her turned up
neither the leopard nor the monkey, and she grinned in delight.
She hoped to never see either of them again, or if she did she
wanted to have her GP blaster in hand. Her hand and foot were
still sore, but they were usable and the punctures were well
scabbed over.

It wasn't easy, but by pulling and scooting, she was able
to get across to the limb at her feet and take all her weight off
her clothes.

Really, she was quite amazed that they were still holding
together. Between her weight and being tossed around all night,
she half expected to plummet to her doom at any minute. Of
course, now she had to get them back.

Again, it wasn't easy. The knots had swollen with water
during the night, rendering them all but impossible to untie.
Several broken and bent nails later, plus climbing around to the
other limb to get that side, Kiyone finally looped the clothes
around her middle and tied them off with a few simple knots. The
bra she left where it was, deciding that it was far too much
effort to retrieve.

Scratching awkwardly, she planned her route down. This was
made more difficult by the fact that she couldn't remember the
path she had taken on the way up, being more concerned with the
teeth and claws behind her.

A plan in mind, she started her descent. At first it was
relatively easy, just worming her way through the tangles of
limbs set close together. Then, about halfway down, she ran out
of limbs and encountered the initial smooth, long stretch of
trunk that extended from about fifty feet up to the ground.

As big as the tree was around, she couldn't just wrap
herself around it. Kiyone had to spread herself out and search
for all the little toeholds and fingertip holds she could find.
Her lack of proper shoes had probably saved her life here,
although if she'd only had her gun she could have just shot the
damned cat and been done with it.

Kiyone chuckled at the difficulty. Her initial ascent had
been based so much on speed she had practically skimmed up the
tree, touching it only briefly before launching herself up to a
new handhold. Now she'd be a bit more careful, however.

Strong fingers found little indentations in the bark, and
her toes dug in and curled around every protuberance she could
find. She pressed against the trunk firmly; every inch on the
tree was another inch she didn't have to hold up.

It was about ten feet down, right in the middle of a
particularly slick section, when she ran into another little
snag.

One of the things about free climbing was that it made her
very aware of her body as muscles strained and fingers slipped.
Very recently she had became aware of several somethings crawling
around on her head, back, ankle, and in her pubic hair. Perhaps
marching would be a better word.

She started to sweat. It itched. It itched badly. And no
matter how much she wanted to, she couldn't take a hand off the
tree to scratch. If she did, she would surely fall.

Mustering up all her mental discipline, she resolutely
ignored the sensations of her skin crawling and resumed her
descent, albeit a bit faster and sloppier.

And then something bit her painfully in the armpit.

She cried out involuntarily, clamping her arm down against
her side and briskly rubbing it back and forth.

One heart sickening moment later, she was falling.

Her short second scream was punctuated by several grunts
and groans as she fought for grip, nearly finding purchase once
but her downward momentum proved too much for it. She ended up
sliding almost another ten feet before she successfully halted.

Breathing heavily and wincing from the scrapes on her
front, she hung there for several minutes, resting and trying to
regain her nerve.

In her mind's eye, she could see thousands of little bugs
moving across her skin in military precision. Hundreds of lice
foot soldiers kept in line by flea sergeants and beetle
lieutenants. Mosquitoes flew formation overhead, occasionally
landing to bury their proboscises in her skin and refuel.

Needless to say, her skin _crawled_.

As more and more beads of sweat dropped down
Her body, she had another mental flash of gnats surfing down her
thighs.

"AHHHH!" she screamed, unable to take it any longer. Her
descent was a barely controlled fall now, as she dropped from
suspected handhold to handhold and scratched furiously whenever
she had a free hand.

Misjudging her speed and distance, she put a hand where a
foot should have gone. Suddenly she was falling again, and this
time there was no stopping it.

Twenty-two feet were covered in the blink of an eye, and
Kiyone landed heavily on the ground with an "OOOF!"

"Owwww..." she groaned, rubbing her sore leg and bottom.
"Good thing the ground broke my fall," she said in an attempt to
make light of the situation. Then she started scratching.

The accursed tree now proved its worth, as she backed up to
it and squirmed all over, leaving a network of red marks on her
back as she rubbed against small rough spots in the otherwise
smooth bark. Her hands were no less busy, tearing at her hair,
diving beneath her panties, rubbing furiously wherever they could
reach. When they couldn't reach she stopped and contorted like a
gymnast, rolling over and over on the ground as she scratched the
middle of her back and the back of her left knee.

Only when she was covered in so many red marks that she
looked like she'd been beat with a freshly inked wet road map did
she stop, and then it was to examine one of the insects that had
been plaguing her.

She didn't know its actual species, but it did look a lot
like the common louse, which she knew from school. Another one
was immediately recognizable from the time Ryo-Ohki had been
infested with fleas.

"EEEWW! Earth cooties!" Kiyone exclaimed upon realization,
both horrified and disgusted.

She needed a bath NOW. Flea dip would be nice, too.

The poor lost GP officer immediately pulled on her clothes
and started searching for a river or lake, intending to drown her
pests if nothing else.

Ten minutes work, interspersed with the occasional session
of franticly clawing at her bites, located what was probably a
section of the very same river that had claimed her partner.

Cooing in relief, Kiyone quickly shucked off her clothes
and dove into the murky waters, their slow, stagnant depths as
welcome as a soak in the finest onsen she'd ever been in.

Kicking strongly, she swam out into the middle of the river
and dove, staying under as long as she could before coming up for
a breath. Then she did it again, and again.

The water tasted strongly of decay and mud, and was quite
gritty in her mouth, but it, too was welcome after almost a day
without. She drank deeply, filling her stomach as much as she
felt able. Hunger pains hadn't set in yet, but she had sweated
out much of her body fluids in the jungle heat.

Once back in water only about as deep as her chest, she
lowered herself in the water and scrubbed hard, scraping away the
filth and insects. Swamp water would never be an acceptable
substitute for shampoo, but she cleaned her hair with it just the
same, combing through with her fingers to remove the litter.

After a night in the trees and hours of running through the
forest, the cool water felt heavenly, and Kiyone began to enjoy
herself for the first time since she had wound up in the alien
jungle.

"Oook ook ook."

"Eek!"

"Mmgh, grunt grunt."

She whirled as fast as she was able to spot at least a
dozen monkeys of another species sitting on the bank watching
her.

They were larger, and their tails didn't look like they
could be used for grasping like the other one's had. Longer
faces and bright, hairless bottoms further served to set them
apart. One yawned hugely, displaying a fearsome set of canine
teeth.

Of further interest was that one of them was draped in her
shirt, two were playing tug of war with her skirt, and another
was climbing a nearby tree with her panties in its mouth.

"HEY!" she yelled, startling all of them. "You bring that
back! Leave those alone!" she cried, splashing toward the bank
to retrieve her clothes.

They scattered, all of them swarming up the trees
overhanging the water. Once they were safely in the branches
they sat down to watch her again.

Kiyone climbed out onto the bank, dripping wet and naked.
She shook her fist at the monkeys in anger. "Now, dammit,
stealing the clothes of a Galaxy Police Officer is a crime! You
give those back or I'm going to have to bring you in!"

One grunted and picked through her partner's pelt for
vermin.

"Alright, you forced my hand," she grumbled, searching for
a rock to throw.

Unfortunately, there were none to be had. The bank was
made entirely of mud and tree roots.

Kiyone compromised by grabbing up a handful of dirt and
compacting it into a hard ball, which would probably disintegrate
as soon as she threw it.

When she turned back around, she noticed that her skirt was
no longer with the animals. It was now floating miserably in the
middle of the river, directly below the monkeys.

"All right, good," she said, satisfied. "Now give up the
rest of them."

One chattered brightly at her, but didn't seem too
impressed.

Shrugging, she replied, "Well, don't say I didn't warn
you." Then she threw the dirt clod at the one with her blouse.

As expected, the wad broke apart immediately, peppering
over half the group with small pellets of dirt. The troop
screeched in alarm and scattered, running along the limbs towards
trees on the other side. Fortunately, both her panties and the
shirt were dropped in the confusion, landing with soft splashes
close by her skirt, which was just starting to sink beneath the
surface. If she hurried, she could get all of her clothes back.

Kiyone hopped into the water and started wading out,
keeping an eye on her clothes. The water was up to her waist
when something long, narrow, and full of teeth rose out of the
water, carrying her clothes along with it. The reptilian jaws
snapped closed, and Kiyone levitated out of the water in sheer
fright.

She arrived on the bank in record time, but her flight
didn't end there. She was crouching on the limb the monkeys had
so recently vacated before she allowed herself to stop, panting.

So much for her clothes. This planet was turning out to be
far more dangerous than she'd originally thought. Maybe she'd
get lucky and one of the native predators would eat the thing
that attacked them.

Nah. She wasn't that lucky. The way things were going,
_she_ would be the one eaten by an Earth creature. That or
Mihoshi, but again, she wasn't that lucky.

And for the first time that day, Kiyone had cause to wonder
where her partner was.


****************


Mihoshi twitched slightly, curled into a fetal position on
her right side. The ground was damp and covered in a thin carpet
of short moss, but the occasional long strand waved its spore-
laden head in the air, and occasionally in her ear.

By and large, though, she was comfortable. Even more so
than stretching out on a hard wooden floor or stone patio. The
ground, though lumpy, was fairly soft. Given a bit of luck,
she'd catch another hour's worth of sleep before she rose to
tackle the day.

She was sleeping so soundly, in fact, that she completely
failed to realize that something had found her. The great grey
quadruped should have awakened her with its heavy footfalls, but
the soft ground did much to muffle its heavy tread.

This particular animal recognized the being curled up on
the ground as a human, because it had a very good memory. Its
name, at one time, had been Jumbo, and many years ago it had
traveled all over the world with others of its kind, other
animals, and many many humans. Now, years later, it found itself
free in the jungle, far from its actual habitat, and staring at
the motionless form of a human.

It wasn't sure, but it suspected that something was wrong.
Humans didn't belong out here.

To really understand what happened next, you'd have to
understand Mihoshi's full perspective.

The universe is a vast and wondrous place. Very vast.
Amazingly wonderful. It is home to a vast and wondrous
population. However, it is also home to a number of, well, not
so wondrous beings. Demons, Evil Overlords, disease causing
organisms, Juraians, lawyers, and many many more creatures large
and small that should be exterminated for the good of the whole.

Enter Mihoshi, a Galaxy Policeperson. She had personally
dealt with members of all the above beings, sometimes on a daily
basis, and lived to tell the tale with her sanity intact. She
didn't flinch when she looked Ryoko, a demonic space pirate, in
the eye. She didn't cringe when Ayeka, a Juraian princess that
would one day be Queen, asked her to pass the salt. She had met
them and found them to be pretty nice people at heart.

However, in all of her adventures, all of her travels, and
all of her missions, Mihoshi had never met and been forced to
deal with a perverted tentacle monster. They were as tall as a
person and twice as heavy, made of inhumanly flexible moist grey
flesh and possessed of singular intelligence. They were the
stuff nightmares were made from, at least for Mihoshi.

The tentacle monsters, or 'tentakajin' as they were now
called, were originally bioengineered by the Juraians from a
freshwater invertebrate amphibian found on Jurai's second colony
at the height of the early biotechnological revolution, in which
they made the transition from dead, metallic ships to the far
more powerful living space-trees found in Jurai's first colony
system.

First, they were food. Then, it became vogue for the
middle class to keep one as a pet; an exotic creature from off
world always drew attention. Upper class on Jurai being what it
was, the hapless squid-like creatures were engineered to be
larger and more intelligent. They became the elite lapdog, and
many early tapestries depicted the stereotypical Mistress
accompanied by her two faithful pets, each bulbous head reaching
as high as her waist.

Later, they became a symbol of male power, always a
controversial thing in the Juraian culture. Some especially good
male scientists, tired of being second-class citizens, started
making changes in the species, making them fully intelligent,
hermaphroditic, and increasing the sex drive they possessed. The
target, of course, was their very own overbearing wives. This
was the start of the first MenLib movement.

Illicit sex clubs ran largely by males were rumored to have
these mutated strains and would set them loose on lower class
women for the entertainment of the hen-pecked men. Some were
even released, and soon roving packs were believed to inhabit the
sewers and back alleys of many major cities. As they would never
attack men, only men were able to move freely and confidently,
doing wonders for their self-esteem. Tentakajin, as they were
now called, were hunted exclusively by men, and these men
gradually grew in political power and influence.

Alas for the men, the women finally got sick of the
headache, hired outsiders armed with robots to exterminate the
menace, and squished the MenLib movement like a bug.

The tentakajin, fearing for their lives, immediately left
the Juraian Empire in stolen ships, spreading their light shower
of terror across the rest of the universe, which immediately
blamed the Juraians, as usual.

The Galaxy Police exterminated them whenever they could
find them, but they had a knack for hiding in the most
unlikeliest of places. Every female GP officer, excepting those
who liked that sort of thing, feared that, one day, she would be
the unlucky one to discover a new nest.

Knowing this, Mihoshi was unpleasantly surprised to open
her eyes that morning when a cold, wet, flexible, grey tentacle
nuzzled her neck and trailed down the front of her body.

Mihoshi's shrill scream and the elephant's loud trumpet
split the air and sent birds flapping into the sky, and the
elephant immediately turned and ran from the painfully loud
human.

Mihoshi blubbered in fear for a moment, cringing as the
huge beast crashed through the jungle, but quickly realized that
it was not one of the loathsome tentakajin. Giving a little
shrug, she rose and set off into the jungle.


****************


Kiyone limped painfully along a jungle path, staying alert
and as silent as possible, although she could swear the skin
between her legs was rubbing together with the same sound and
texture of two sheets of sandpaper pulled across each other.

When she got back, she was going to have words with
whatever moron wrote a certain section of the GP textbook on
wilderness survival. In fact, she might just let the book speak
for her, as she shoved it most forcefully where the sun didn't
shine.

Use leaves, it said.

Broadleaf plants work fine, it said.

Kiyone swore briefly under her breath and made mental note
to gather up a few bundles of a smooth textured broad-leafed bush
that grew abundantly in the area. And when she got back to GP
headquarters, she was going to distribute them in lieu of toilet
paper to several people who were in charge of her field training.

And to top it all off, the damned bugs were simply unreal.
No planet had any right to have this many species of insects that
fed on people. Those Juraian 'natural evolution' people needed
to be shot. Or worse, dropped off in their little preserve and
forced to live here for a few years.

"Arg," she said out loud, the first such sound she'd made
in hours. Indeed, it was the second sound she'd made since her
happy cry of discovery when she found the path full of human
footprints. The next, of course, had been her unhappy cry upon
discovery that she was highly allergic to the juices a certain
smooth textured broad-leafed bush secreted on its leaves.

The sun beat down mercilessly through the canopy, sending
both the temperature and the humidity into the triple digits.
She hadn't found drinkable water since the river that morning,
she was tired, sore, bitten, and every step was a new exercise in
pain. It was time for a break.

Rather than actively search for a seat, and possibly be
bitten by something in or on the other side of whatever she sat
on, she simply stopped and collapsed bonelessly in her tracks.

Kiyone sat there for many minutes, breathing heavily and
trying to muster the strength to go on. Never one to be
discouraged easily, she nevertheless found herself taxed to the
utmost; all the little problems merging together into one big
headache and overloading her ability to cope.

Kiyone had always prided herself on her near endless
patience. Hadn't she suffered through four years of being
Mihoshi's partner? And in that time, hadn't she faced problem
after problem, injury after injury, and indignity after
indignity? Hadn't she managed to deal with the complete absence
of a love life? The ridicule of her peers, and worse, their
pity? And in that time, she hadn't killed anyone who wasn't
actively trying to kill her, and had even made the morally right
decision every time it _seemed_ that Mihoshi was actively trying
to kill her.

However, one thing she could admit that she lacked was an
ability to shrug off the annoyances of life. One or two little
snags she could handle, her only outward sign of annoyance being
a slightly sharper tone of voice. Even three or four wouldn't
completely push her over the edge, although it started to become
clear to others that they had best stay out of her way. But when
something became a constant annoyance, she simply went berserk.

This mission was something else entirely.

She had no outlet for her frustrations, of which there were
many, many more than normal. No gun to shoot things. No one to
beat within an inch of their life. And she couldn't even leave,
because that was another one of the problems she couldn't seem to
solve.

She sighed, a deep, heartfelt movement. "Maybe the others
were right. We really are incompetent." She glanced at the sky,
wondering what time it was. "I wish Mihoshi was here."

Her resolve, once like steel, wavered. Ryo-Ohki couldn't
find her in a place like this. Only Yagami's sensors were that
precise, and even then only with Mihoshi controlling them.
Mihoshi was in the same situation she was, if she was alive at
all. The six-armed asshole that caused this mess in the first
place was hunting for her, and if he didn't find her, an Earth
predator would.

"To hell with it," she whispered. "I don't want to play
anymore." Kiyone let all of her muscles go as limp as they
could, simply flopping back onto the ground. The big monster
could just come stick a fork in her, because she was done.


****************


Many miles away, in another part of the jungle, Mihoshi
cowered down behind an old, incredibly huge tree, which had
fallen and now lay on its side in a thick mass of thorny
vegetation. It was so thick that she had had to worm her way in
on her belly; each plant fighting for the light that penetrated
the large hole in the canopy.

Somewhere outside the thicket, a huge striped feline roared
in anger. It wasn't hunting, but it had chased a screaming
Mihoshi through the jungle, breaking it off only when she had
dove into the nearly impenetrable mass of brambles.

Really, all she had wanted to do was pet the incredibly
cute little kitten, the one with the _adorable_ eyes and the
soft, fuzzy fur. It had even mewled at her and licked her hand,
shortly before she had to run. Some mothers were just too
protective.

Mihoshi sat down and listened intently, waiting for the
animal to return to its baby.

Why did everything seem to want to eat her?


****************


The heat, humidity, and her exhaustion all combined to make
Kiyone really sleepy as she lay on the ground. It was soft, and
much cooler than the air. It really wasn't half bad. A good nap
and she'd be ready to hit the trail again.

Oh, she wasn't serious about giving up and sitting there
until something ate her. Oh, no, of course not. She was just
throwing a really quiet tantrum. A stress-relieving, moral
boosting exercise.

That's what she told herself, anyway, and would insist upon
had anyone witnessed it. Kiyone never gives up, don't you know
that?

Deep inside the recesses of her mind, one tiny part added,
"At least not for very long."

Stressed both mentally and physically, she soon fell into a
light, troubled sleep. She did not dream, nor did she move,
remaining in the same arms spread position she had assumed when
she lay down.

Her nap was miraculously uninterrupted for over an hour,
until the sounds of something large and clumsy moving through the
trail pulled her out of her slumber.

Disoriented and groggy from her sleep, at first Kiyone
didn't know why she had awakened. She sat up and rubbed fiercely
at her head, trying to clear her addled mind. She also took the
time to scratch vigorously.

So it was with some surprise on both parts when a large
naked African man stumbled out from behind a bush and nearly
stepped on her.

"Ahhh! Kiyone yelled, hopping to her feet and assuming a
fighting stance.

"Yahh!" the man replied, dropping a large leafy branch he
was carrying and assuming an off balance, startled stance.

"Jesus Christ, lady, you scared the shit out of me!" he
yelled in an obscure dialect of Swahili.

"Stay where you are and put your hands where I can see
them!" she yelled back in the Earth dialect of Juraian, which was
Japanese.

"What?" he asked, not understanding. He did recognize a
martial arts stance when he saw one, and that combined with her
obviously untrusting nature put him firmly in place. He was
careful not to make any fast or threatening

"Do you speak Japanese?" Kiyone asked, being quicker to get
to the point.

"Look, lady, I don't know what you're saying. Do you speak
English?" he asked, switching languages. He examined her
carefully. She was obviously of Asian origin, but from where he
wasn't sure. Her facial features didn't fit any established
pattern. The language did, however, and he tentatively pegged
her as Japanese. He wondered why she was naked in the jungle,
although he supposed it was an accident or something. She looked
like she'd had a bad time of it.

Kiyone looked at him in incomprehension. "I guess you
don't," she muttered to herself, and sighed. He hadn't made any
threatening motions, and seemed concerned about her situation, if
she read his facial expressions correctly. It was hard to tell
sometimes.

Physically he was impressive, over a foot taller than she
was, with clean-cut muscles standing out in his arms, legs, and
chest. He also had the biggest penis Kiyone had ever seen in her
life, and it was still soft.

(Damn,) Kiyone thought. (If that's what they get with
natural evolution, I take back everything bad I've ever said
about this godforsaken planet! Juraian men aren't half that
size!)

He noticed her stare, shrugging when her eyes met his
again.

Kiyone blushed furiously and relaxed her stance. "Sorry, I
didn't mean to stare." She guessed that he replied that it was
okay, he was used to it, but wasn't sure. The language barrier
was going to be a problem.

Seeing her relax her guard, he advanced slowly, with his
hands held up to show he meant no harm. "Look, I'm not going to
hurt you," he said as non-threateningly as possible when she
tensed up. His English was very good, almost accent free,
although it didn't do Kiyone any good.

At first Kiyone thought he was going to attack, his stance
being similar to several open-handed styles she knew. She
quickly calmed herself. It was also typical of what most people
thought was a gesture of peace. "I'm Kiyone Mabiki," she said,
pointing to herself. "Do you know where we are?" she asked,
gesturing around and hoping he would figure it out.

(Ah, her name,) he thought. (Mabiki Kiyone? That's kind
of pretty. Better call her by her last name to keep from seeming
too informal.) "Miss Kiyone?" he asked hesitantly, waiting for
approval.

Kiyone winced at his accent, and was a little put off by
his informality, but she supposed it was okay considering the
circumstances. "Yes?"

(Hai, ah, I know that one. Good.) "Dretric," he said,
pointing to himself. "Are you with someone?" He pointed at her,
then gestured at the surrounding jungle and made a questioning
sound.

Kiyone correctly divined that he was asking if there were
any others with her. Hesitating barely a second, she shook her
head. "Nope, just me!" she replied brightly, pointing first at
herself, then at the jungle and waving her hand dismissively.

"Just you, then, good." He turned and beaconed for her to
follow.

"A way out? Great!" Kiyone replied enthusiastically,
falling in behind him.

They walked in relative silence for bout half an hour,
following a bewildering series of twisty trails. Dretric stayed
in front, figuring that she'd feel safer if she didn't have to
watch her back.

The fact that he had to lead the way to prevent them from
getting lost never occurred to him.

Kiyone held up as long as she could, not wanting to appear
weak, but she finally had to tell him to stop. Her rash was
getting worse and worse the more she walked.

"What?" he asked, turning around to see her stop, spreading
her legs far apart.

Kiyone debated showing a stranger such an intimate area,
but there was always the off chance that he could help.
Blushing, she put her hand on the unmarked skin of her thigh and
twisted, bringing the raw, red area into view.

Dretric immediately spotted the rash when she pointed it
out and nodded in sympathy. "Yeah, jungle rot's a bitch. All
that heat and humidity." He motioned for her to sit on the
ground, saying, "I'll be right back. Just stay here." He hoped
she'd understand.

Kiyone sat gratefully, hoping that she'd understood his
gestures correctly. She watched with interest as he disappeared
into the bushes, then snickered as what was undoubtedly a curse
floated back to her ears, along with the sounds of breaking
limbs. She shook her head. Handsome, well hung, and dumb as a
brick. Oh, well. It was to be expected of a civilization that
hadn't figured out interstellar travel.

The big black man returned several minutes later, proudly
brandishing a fat green stalk of some succulent or another. He'd
already removed the leaves and roots, leaving nothing but a soft,
springy stalk.

Kiyone stood expectantly, glad he'd returned. She watched
as he squeezed the end of the stalk, getting a thick, gooey sap
on his fingers. He gestured at her rash with them but she took
the stalk from him with a "Thank you, I'll manage." The sap was
cool on the raw flesh, stinging a little when it was rubbed onto
places where the skin had abraded away entirely. Kiyone sighed
in relief as she crushed the fibers between her fingers, not
stopping until the entire supply was a sodden wad in her fingers.
The remainder, at Dretric's direction, was smeared on her many
bites and scratches, doing much to relieve the itching.

This done, he squatted and patted his back, indicating she
should allow him to carry her. He looked at her expectantly.

"No, I'm fine, I can walk now," she said, shaking her head.
"Thanks, for the offer, though."

"Don't be stupid, woman," he grumbled, patting his shoulder
again in irritation. "Just get on, you can't be very heavy."

"No, really, I can manage..."

"Get on," he insisted. "We don't have time for you to be a
feminist."

Kiyone reluctantly wrapped her arms around his neck and her
legs around his waist, allowing him to carry her. She was
assisted by his strong, muscular arms grabbing her thighs, and he
seemed to bear her weight with little effort. It was certainly
much easier for her than walking.

The village was a small, shabby affair. Small, irregular
huts were thrown up at random around a large central grass
pavilion. The builders seemed to have devoted little attention
to the composition of the plants they used to make the walls and
roofs, so long as at least most of the outside was covered by
large, broad leaves. Small fires dotted the ground beneath the
central structure, which had several holes in its roof to let the
smoke out.

The village was populated by twenty to thirty adults, with
a little more than half that number of naked, screaming children
running around chasing assorted wildlife, including, much to
Kiyone's annoyance, several monkeys. No one seemed to be wearing
clothes, in fact. Kiyone guessed that it had something to do
with the oppressive heat and humidity. One by one, the village
fell silent as its members noted Kiyone's arrival on the back of
her benefactor.

"Hey, look what I found in the jungle!" Dretric boomed,
getting the attention of everyone, even those too slow to realize
that they had a visitor.

"An outsider," the village whispered as one, drawing
together in fear.

Dretric chuckled and continued in English, "She followed me
home, can I keep her?" Seeing their looks of fear and
apprehension, he hastened to add, "Don't worry, it's cool. She
doesn't know a word of Swahili _or_ English. You can act normal
around her."

Resounding cheers caused several small animals to bolt in
fright, and Kiyone broke out of Dretric's grasp and backed away
in fright, once again getting into a fighting stance as the
village surged toward her, arms wide.

"HOLD IT!" yelled her friend, stopping everyone in their
tracks. "You're scaring her, now go away." He shook his head
and chuckled at the antics of his people. They got so carried
away sometimes.

Kiyone stayed quiet as the big man talked, apparently
explaining what had happened. At his apparent insistence, most
of them resumed their business, although they continued to watch
her openly. Several of the young men stayed, as did some of the
women.

"YEOW!" she yelled suddenly as someone pinched her
painfully on her rear.

"Eh heh heh heh," chuckled a skinny old man, proof that
some people should be required to wear clothes. "She's a cute
one," he said in a quavering voice, using English for her
benefit. "She'll be perfect for the gang bang and sacrifice! Eh
heh heh heh!"

Kiyone glared at him for the pinch, but didn't understand
what he'd said.

"You're wasting your time, she doesn't speak English,"
Dretric told the old man.

"Whut?"

"I said," he said, leaning in toward the old man, "SHE
DOESN'T SPEAK ENGLISH! YOU'RE WASTING YOUR TIME!"

"Ahhh! My ears! Don't yell so loud!" complained the
toothless old letch. "You should respect your elders, boy!"

Dretric threw up his hands in exasperation. "Whatever,
just leave her alone. I wouldn't want you getting hurt." He
turned to Kiyone and motioned for her to find a seat before he
left to get supplies from his hut.

Kiyone watched him go, and was about to do as she was bade
when she noticed the old man arguing with a large woman carrying
both an air of importance and a bundle of cloth.

They argued for several moments; the old man screaming his
authority and the woman giving him a disdainful look as she
calmly stood her ground.

The argument increased in volume and number of participants
as several of the other men joined in, as well as some of the
woman. Many times they gestured wildly in her direction,
possibly making some sort of important point.

The stranded GP officer stood her ground, poised and ready
should the crowd turn violent and turn on her. She didn't like
the idea of having to run back into the jungle, but it beat
slaughtering a village full of natives.

Just barely, but it did.

Eventually the argument wound down as the participants got
bored and left, leaving only the old man and the woman. He stood
between her and Kiyone, putting his skinny frame, quavering
voice, and white hair directly in the personal space of the much
larger woman. He gave every indication that it would take an act
of the gods themselves to move him.

The large woman, finally getting tired of his antics,
brought one massive arm around and sent him sprawling in the
dirt.

Undeterred, he jumped back up and resumed standing in her
way.

She sighed, threw up her hands, and left, taking the bolt
of cloth with her.

Kiyone snapped her fingers mentally. (So much for that.)
She watched warily as the white haired man approached her,
grinning horrendously and rubbing his hands together.

Elsewhere in the village, Dretric was hurriedly preparing
several types of salves and bandages, made from plants that grew
locally. He cursed the lack of proper supplies, but reasoned
that the cheap variety would serve just as well.

He loaded up his materials in a large woven basket made
from dried grasses and looked around, wondering what else he
would need. She could stay the night in the village and rest,
and then he'd escort her to the closest city and see if they
couldn't get her back to her people.

A high-pitched, quavering scream interrupted his musing.

"ARG! My brittle old man hip!"

Scattered applause soon followed.


****************


Mihoshi stumbled out of the jungle abruptly, surprised to
discover a well-worn dirt road in the middle of the jungle.
Tracks ran both ways, making it difficult to decide which way to
go.

In the end, she did what she usually did when faced with a
question of which where to go. She spun around until she got
dizzy, and went in the direction she ended up facing when she
finally fell down.


****************


Kiyone sipped at a crude clay cup full of a light grey
local brew and gnawed intently on a piece of shriveled and
blackened meat which bore more than a passing resemblance to a
monkey arm. It was tough, but strangely satisfying. Kind of
like soul food. Her scrapes and cuts had been smeared with salve
and the nasty bite on her ankle was covered with a leaf wrapping
held in place with a few twisted vines. She'd waved him off when
he'd started to do the same to her hand. Her artificially
boosted immune system was more than up to the task of keeping it
free from infection.

She sat on the ground in front of a small hut on the edge
of the village, which she assumed belonged to Dretric, since he
routinely entered and messed with this or that. Currently he was
seated beside her, chewing on the last of his own meat. He had
declined the fermented gruel she was drinking, choosing instead
to drink water.

Kiyone sniffed, regarding that as a curiously primitive
trait. She had seen what lived in the local water, and wanted no
more part of it. Alcohol was much to be preferred. Still, she
was glad he'd invited her to dine with him.

Dretric, on the other hand, couldn't believe she was
drinking the beer, but supposed that she had never been
unfortunate enough to watch it being made. He knew _he_ would
never touch the stuff. He marveled at her intestinal fortitude,
although not just because she was eating and drinking without
complaint. She seemed happy, almost, and more or less at ease in
the strange surroundings. He hadn't been nearly so at ease when
he first arrived.

They sat in companionable silence, watching as some men and
women dragged large branches together on top of a burnt out fire
pit. More fuel was added in the form of dried grasses and twigs,
forming the basis for a good-sized bonfire.

Kiyone was highly impressed when one of the men kneeled
behind the pile for a few moments, then backed away quickly as
the tinder burst into life. She had never been so quick at
starting a fire by rubbing two sticks together, and she'd always
done well in primitive survival.

She was so involved in watching the flames flicker and leap
up that she didn't noticed the man throw a Bic to another guy
with a word of thanks.

"Fire."

Dretric looked over at her in surprise. That was the first
thing she'd said since what he assumed was 'thanks' when she'd
accepted the food and drink.

"Fire," Kiyone repeated, watching the ceremonial flames
introspectively. "Right up there with the pointy stick."

He shrugged, bewildered and not understanding.

"Fire and pointy sticks. Always the first two things to be
invented by an evolving species." She sat thoughtfully, taking
another drink of the thick, chunky brew. "Except for that fifty
armed bunch that came up with the aerosol deodorant first," she
amended, and frowned at the thought of extra arms. She glanced
sideways, taking another big drink.

The big man was watching her curiously, seeming to
understand her desire to wax poetic. He also kept an eye on the
other villagers, but showed no desire to join them.

"You're different aren't you?" Kiyone asked him, knowing
that he couldn't understand. "You're the sane one, the one that
always knows what to do, and does it. I can tell just by
watching you." She sized him up.

He returned all his attention to her when she addressed him
directly, giving her a questioning look.

"You don't fit in with these people," she continued, making
a wide sweep with her arm that encompassed the entire village,
and perhaps the whole world, considering what she already knew of
the human race. "You think too much. You don't accept things as
they are. You want to know _why_." She smiled at him. "One
day, if you get the right opportunities, you're going to change
the world, aren't you?"

Dretric shrugged noncommittally and gave her a hesitant
nod. "Yes?" he asked.

"Hah, I knew it," she laughed, smiling when he smiled back.

He idly wondered how long she had been in the jungle, and
whether or not it had affected her mind. Never mind, just smile
and nod, smile and nod.

Kiyone abruptly stopped and gazed intently at him, wanting
to fix his image in her head.

The light was fading, and the sounds of the jungle were
getting quieter and quieter even as the sounds of the village
were getting louder and louder. Some sort of party or ceremony
was clearly in the works, and Kiyone could only hope that she
wouldn't be called upon to participate.

"You know what I like most about you?" she asked him
abruptly.

His head jerked around in surprise. He'd been looking at
the fire again. "No?" he hazarded. He hated not being able to
understand what she was saying.

"You're not silly. Oh, you don't know what it's like
living with a scatterbrain, or having one as a partner. Or
having to deal with that crazy princess and the rest of the
nutcases." She threw up her hands in exasperation.

"Get this. There's this princess, right? She's one of the
most important beings in these galaxies. She's had all the best
schools, had her own ship, and she's got a good chance of being
the next Queen of the empire, finally getting rid of the man
currently sitting on the throne."

She stopped and snickered. "Not that Emperor Kashi doesn't
make a good Queen, but it's technically supposed to be for a
woman." She shook her head. "But I digress.

"Anyway, she gets here, falls head over heels for a cute
guy, and goes completely nuts. She's worse than a common
schoolgirl panting after a star athlete. Her _and_ Ryoko. In
fact, if anything, Ryoko is worse! I've seen prostitutes who
weren't that blatant. I sometimes want to ask what she's going
to charge him after they're through. There's being attracted to
a guy, and then there's obsessing."

She sighed. "Not that Tenchi is that bad of a guy. For a
human he's downright civilized. Serious. Smart. The kind of
guy a girl could really go for." She gave her audience a wan
smile. "Kind of like you, only he's a lot smaller." She glanced
down before she could stop herself.

He raised an eyebrow, easily figuring out where she was
looking, and chuckled when she turned away and blushed.

"Sorry, didn't mean to be rude," she apologized. "But it
is rather prominent."

They sat in relative silence once more, watching the sky
fill with bats as the sun sank beneath the horizon behind them.
There would be some light left for a little while, and then they
would have to rely solely on the fire.

"And Washu. Almost the silliest one of them all." Kiyone
cursed lightly. "She's a _genius_. Supposedly the smartest
being in the universe. Yet she acts like a seven year old on
Sugarsmack," she continued, referring to a popular Juraian
breakfast cereal blend of sucrose and heroin, noted both for its
ability to get you going in the morning and the withdrawal
symptoms it caused when you ran out. "She's going to
accidentally destroy the universe one day, I just know it."

Dretric remained silent, worried about how her mood had
went from somber, to humorous, to morose in the space of a few
minutes. Then he remembered that she was a woman, as well as
possibly drunk, and promptly wrote it off as 'one of those
things'.

"And then there's Mihoshi, _the_ silliest one of all,"
Kiyone said, following her line of thought to its logical
conclusion. "I guess I miss her. I wish she was here," she said
wistfully.

"Hello! Do any of you speak Japanese?"

Everyone in the village just stopped, staring at the new
arrival. Even Dretric looked up in surprise, startled to hear
someone else speaking the same language as his charge.

Kiyone swore an oath so vile she startled herself, not
bothering to look up. (I guess I should have known she'd turn
out to be like that old legend of the squid-headed god. Don't
say the name unless you're ready to deal with the being, girl,)
she chided herself.

Dretric looked down at her. "Hey, I think one of your
friends is here! Come on!" he said excitedly.

Kiyone reluctantly allowed herself to be pulled to her
feet, reacting to the news of her partner's arrival with all the
enthusiasm she'd give to the idea of repeating 'How to resist
torture -3045'.

Mihoshi looked around at all the naked people in awe,
feeling acutely overdressed in her GP uniform.

They were all _staring_ at her.

She shifted uncomfortably. "Ano, anyone?"

"Yeah, I do."

Mihoshi's heart leapt. She'd know that flat, depressed
monotone anywhere. "KIYONE!" she cried, scanning the crowd for
her friend.

Kiyone braced herself as Mihoshi's face lit up, knowing
that she'd been spotted. Wait for it, here she comes... "OOF!"
Now, try to breathe. "I'm happy to see you too, Mihoshi," Kiyone
said, surprising herself with her own sincerity. Despite her
overly dramatic statements earlier, she had genuinely missed her
partner.

"Oh, Kiyone! I was so worried! That monster kept chasing
me all through the jungle, I just knew it had already eaten you
and was coming to finish me off, and there was this bug that
boiled, and this big, mean cat, and I was almost raped by a
tentacle monster! I don't like this place! Can we go home? I
saw Ryo-Ohki pass overhead, but they didn't hear me. What should
we do?" She barely gave her partner time to shrug before she was
babbling again. "I see you found a native village, do any of
them speak Japanese? Maybe we can call Mr. Masaki and have
Sasami get in touch with Ayeka?" She looked over at the tall man
standing close beside the dark haired girl. "Is this your fri-
GOODNESS! That's a very large penis you have there Mr. Human!"

Dretric covered himself with both his hands, even as Kiyone
slapped a hand over her face in embarrassment. Such a short
time, and she'd already forgotten how much Mihoshi could
embarrass her.

"And why are you naked? Am I interrupting something?" she
asked, the sexual implication clear in her voice and grin. Then
she looked around again. "Oh, is it because everyone else is?
Should I take my clothes off, too? I guess I'd better, I'm
standing out like a sore thumb..." Mihoshi giggled in both
relief and mounting nervousness, then started taking off her
clothes, much to the delight of the village males.

Dretric stared in shock.

Kiyone noticed this and ground her teeth in anger. "Fine.
Whatever. Do whatever the hell you want, Mihoshi. Dance around,
make a fool of yourself, maybe Ryo-Ohki will notice. I am tired
and I'm going to bed. Don't bother me." She turned on one heel
and stalked off in a huff.

Dretric looked back and forth between the two girls, caught
in indecision. On one hand, he needed to take care of the
newcomer, who seemed to be quite insane. On the other hand, Miss
Kiyone was going to get lost or eaten if she wandered off into
the jungle mad like that. In the end, he decided that he liked
the other girl best, and hurried to find her. That crazy blonde
would probably fit right in, anyway.

Several minutes later, he found Kiyone several hundred
yards down the dirt road leading to the village. It was
difficult to see this far from the light, but he was able to
track her by the noise she was making. Judging by the sounds,
he supposed that she was taking out her frustrations on a tree.
Part of him hoped that it wasn't anything endangered.

"What do you want?"

The sudden voice startled him when it came from his right.
He hadn't known she was so near. "Is something wrong?" he asked.

"Why aren't you back there, watching Mihoshi?" Kiyone asked
bitterly. "Everyone else is. Everyone always is."

"Look, we can ask each other questions all night, but we
can't understand each other. Why don't you tell me all about it,
I'll smile and nod, and you'll feel better?" he asked,
demonstrating a practical streak. He sat in the dirt and patted
the ground beside him. "Come on, sit down. I doubt anything is
going to mess with us."

Kiyone had excellent night vision, which, although slightly
fuzzy from unshed tears and alcohol, was good enough to see
shapes. She accepted his invitation, collapsing to the ground
beside him and ignoring the sharp rocks digging into her skin.

"One-" She stopped and swallowed, then tried it again.
"One of the things you have to understand about Mihoshi is that
she's unbalanced. She squeaks by on the psychological tests
every time. They're the only tests she almost fails; in
everything else she's the top score. Even," she added, "above
me."

Dretric nodded in a complete lack of understanding, but
offering his sympathy.

Kiyone continued. "Basically, she doesn't get it. But she
doesn't have to. She's the luckiest person I've ever seen, and
she's always got people like me around to keep her out of
trouble. Only, it's a full time job, and I'm getting tired of
it. I'm tired of the embarrassment. I'm tired of the demotions,
which coincidently always follow a promotion. I'm tired of being
looked down by my peers. I'm just tired."

She smiled wistfully as her companion, no, her friend, made
a few noises of understanding. "She has caused me more headaches
in a week than all the alcohol I've ever drank in my entire life.
And still I put up with it, because she's my friend and partner.

"Ever since we met in the Academy, we've been paired up. I
suppose it's my fault, really. I tried to take care of her from
the start. I guess I admired her spirit, her way of getting
along with anyone, and her devotion. I even helped her study for
exams, because she seemed so ditzy that I thought she'd flunk out
immediately without my help." She chuckled ruefully. "Little
did I know," she said in a singsong voice. "She did better than
I. Always. Even in field tests, she always came out ahead. I,
of course, was clueless. Mostly. They don't let the cadets see
each other's grades.

"The instructors did notice how much I tried to help her,
and as no one else wanted to, they put me as her partner. I've
been stuck with her ever since. Except that time I was framed
for a murder and spent six months in jail with a big woman named
Bertha. Mihoshi freed me, somehow. I couldn't understand her
explanation. And the time I was frozen in carbonite by a super
villain and sold on the open market as a creative paperweight."
Her hand clenched into a fist. "Mihoshi ended up buying me
because, in her words, I reminded her of her old partner and she
wanted something to remember her by. She 'dusted and waxed me
everyday' for four months, because she liked the ambiance I gave
her room." She shook her head in disbelief. "I doubt it. I
figure she used me as a place to hang her panties, it's what she
does with everything else. Still, I suppose I should feel lucky
that she eventually discovered the control panel and figured out
the sequence to thaw me. Somehow, though, I don't.

"And then there was this last time. Trapped aboard a
derelict ship, left behind because she thought I was dead, and I
finally get rescued a year later." She paused and thought for a
minute. "You know, now that I think about it, I haven't really
been her partner all that much." Amazed at this novel idea, she
marveled in silence before resuming her exposition. "Anyway,
then I had to save her this time. What happens? I get stuck
here, and don't even get me started on all the crap I've put up
with her since we started living on Earth. I even had to find
that damned vibrator for her. She gets to have sex with a
mechanical aid, and what do I get? Pfeh," she spat. "Guess."

He shrugged and leaned away from her fit of anger.

"I'll tell you. No one. Not one damned person," she
finished. "Mihoshi has run off every single boyfriend I've had
since I was a teenager. I haven't even had sex in five years!
FIVE YEARS!" Kiyone jumped to her feet and screamed at the
heavens. "WHY GOD? WHY DO YOU HATE ME SO?"

Her scream was as loud as she could make it, and hit an
amazingly high pitch. Coincidently, it scared the hell out of a
bat flying directly overhead, which reacted in a manner similar
to that of a frightened bird. The resulting ounce of guano
obeyed the laws of physics to the letter, falling about ten feet
down and three to the side, landing directly on Dretric's
shoulder.

"EWW! Damned bats!" he yelled in surprise, flinging it
off.

Kiyone jumped and stared at him, blinking in astonishment
when she realized he was scraping something dark and smelly off
his shoulder.

"Guano," he said, chuckling. "You know, bat shit?"

She smiled softly to herself, realizing what that gunk
probably was. She then sat down heavily, both palms flat on the
ground. Several deep breaths later, she cleared her throat and
began. "Sorry about that," she apologized hesitantly. "I'll
calm down."

Dretric looked around nervously. Most animals had long
since learned to avoid the villages, even the tigers, but they
could still be attracted by a scream.

He needn't have worried. Even a hungry tiger knows better
than to take on something that made a scream that full of rage.

They sat in the dirt for a while, each thinking dark,
personal thoughts.


Back at the camp, Mihoshi was making friends. Unlike
Kiyone, she had no problem making conversation with someone who
didn't know her language. Somehow, they understood her. They
smiled and nodded a lot, anyway.

Mostly, it was males at first, but more and more of the
women started chatting with her as she cheerfully helped them
drag large logs around into a circle around the fire.

She always seemed to have an audience, especially when she
had to bend over to pick something up, a detail she missed
entirely. Some of them stared openly when she performed
impressive feats of strength, at one point lifting her end of a
log off the ground and setting it down over a hump. It
unintentionally warded off would be harassers, especially the
ones that had seen Kiyone slam the old geezer into the ground.

Mihoshi sat on the logs with most of the rest of the
village, choosing a seat near what she recognized as a set of
primitive musical instruments. She always enjoyed watching other
people play, although she preferred to sing and dance.

As she was unfamiliar with the music, she elected to sit
and watch for a while. The resulting simplistic mix of tapped
tin cans, large hide drums, bottles with rocks in them, and a
startling variety and range of sounds made by two young males was
not only amazingly pleasing to the ear, but it also sounded
familiar. And when several others started singing, well, Mihoshi
knew every word.

One of their recent temp jobs had been at a mall music
store, a job that they had proved well suited for. Between
Mihoshi's looks and Kiyone's hair color, they blended in well
with the somewhat eclectic clientele. The store kept a selection
of hits playing in the background, and not all of the music had
been J-pop. There was quite a selection from other countries,
frequently in English or French, and often in a mix of Spanish
and English. The very next time they had gone to a karaoke bar,
Mihoshi had astonished her partner by being able to sing
perfectly all of the songs she had listened to, despite not
knowing exactly what she was singing.

Delighted, Mihoshi waited for another familiar song to come
around, clapping along with the rest of the audience when
appropriate.

The loosely organized band had to pause after the next song
while the two young men drank from nearby clay mugs. After a
short delay, they resumed play. One man started tapping rapidly
on a tin can dangling on a string tied to a stick, giving some
rhythm. A younger boy, perhaps around twelve or thirteen, took a
pair of polished sticks and started beating on a set of different
sized drums, adding to the beat with astonishing precision.

Mihoshi's ears perked up. There was no mistaking that
beat, especially since it had been played often enough within her
hearing that she knew all the sounds, even the hard to understand
ones. Her linguistics training had really came in handy there,
although her skill owed more to her natural talent than any class
she had taken. She also noticed several of the naked village
girls getting up and parading through the center of the
gathering, walking with an exaggerated gait designed to draw
attention to their most prominent features, that of their large,
round posteriors. It _had_ to be that song.

She quickly stood up, drawing the immediate attention of
all those around her.

The villagers stood back in a loose semi-circle, waiting
and watching to see what this funny foreign girl would do.

Mihoshi swallowed nervously at first, but she had never
been one to be very self-conscious. With a sense of timing that
had occasionally won small prizes, she seemed to cast aside her
cheerful personality in favor of that of an 80's rap star.
Appropriate, really.

Slapping both hands on her own bare backside, she took a
wide stance, drawing everyone's eyes. "I like big butts! And I
cannot lie!" she sang lustily in passable English, trying to
match the original accent as much as possible.

Truly, she was right, that was exactly the song the band
had started. The crowd whooped in approval even as the bass
drummer started his own slow beat.

"You other brothers can't deny!" she said, sweeping her
finger in an arc that pointed at various men, as she had seen the
rappers do in a video. "When a girl walks in with an itty bitty
waist and a round thing in your face you get sprung!" She
crossed both wrists over her groin and thrust her hips.

"Wanna pull up tough, 'cause you notice that butt was
stuck! Deep in the jeans she's wearin', I'm hooked and I can't
stop starin'!" Gradually getting loosened up, she made a few
wild gestures as she sang with the beat.

"Oh, baby! I wanna get with ya, and take your picture! My
homeboys tried to warn me, but that but you got makes-" She
abruptly pointed at one of the girls standing by expectantly.

"Me so horny!" she moaned on cue.

Gratified, Mihoshi grinned wildly as the audience cheered,
continuing even more elaborately than before.


Kiyone looked up as the sounds of music reached her ears,
along with Mihoshi's voice. She listened for a moment, then
shook her head. "She's doing it again."

Dretric, who had been listening with some interest, looked
over at her, being just barely able to make her out in the
darkness now that his eyes had adjusted properly. "Is that your
friend?"

"Mihoshi..." Kiyone growled, then realized that she was
being petty and immature. "Ah, well. At least she's making
friends."

Dretric was starting to get an idea of the complex nature
of the relationship the two girls shared. Privately, he
suspected that Kiyone had an inferiority complex. The other girl
was friendlier, had managed to avoid getting lost, or at least he
assumed that she wasn't lost, and had bigger breasts. So far as
he knew, those were matters of competition among women.

Kiyone inhaled deeply, drinking in the heavy night air.
Strange plants, strange animals, and one big stranger right
beside her all perfumed the air with a musk unlike any other.
Hesitantly, she reached out an arm and wrapped it around the much
larger man's neck, allowing her hand to rest on his shoulder.

Dretric flinched at the touch, not having seen her move in
the dark, but he forced himself to relax.

Emboldened by her success, Kiyone leaned her head against
his bare shoulder, liking the way his muscles moved and bunched
when he slowly reached out and put his own arm around her. Here,
at last, was someone who knew what it was like to be shit on
almost as much as her, and who took it in good humor. Maybe she
could learn something from him.


"Oooh!" she cried as the bass drummer hit a particularly
hard beat. "Rumplesmoothskin, you say you wanna get in my Benz?"
she said, pointing both hands at herself, then at some of the
girls. "Well use me, use me, 'cause you ain't that average
groupie!"

By then most of the crowd was hip grinding or moving to the
beat in some other way, although none of them ever looked away
from Mihoshi, centered in the imaginary spotlight.

"I seen her dancin', t'hell with romancin'! She's sweat,
wet, got it goin' like a turbo vet." She danced over to the
band, then whirled and faced the crowd. "I'm tired of magazines,
sayin' flat butts are the thing! Take the average black man and
ask him what, she gotta pack much back." She grabbed each of her
own cheeks in both hands and swayed her hips back and forth to
the beat.

Following the remembered moves from the videos, Mihoshi
suddenly pointed at the guys, who knew their lines were up.
"So... Fellas!"

"YEAH!"

"Fellas!"

"YEAH!

"Does yo girlfriend got the butt?"

"HELL YEAH!"

"Tell'em ta shake it,"

"SHAKE IT!"

"shake it,"

"SHAKE IT!"

"shake that healthy butt!" Mihoshi cried. "Baby got back!"

The bass drummer started up again Mihoshi lapsed into
momentary silence and the two young men started scatting; making
various sounds with their mouth without actually singing.

Mihoshi watched them curiously; she'd been wondering how
they were going to handle this part. "Baby got back!" she sang
again at the right time, although she did wonder what it meant.
Oops, it was her turn again.

"I like 'em round, and big! An' when I'm throwin' a gig I
just can't help myself, I'm actin' like an animal. Now here's my
scandal. I wanna getcha home, and UNGH!" she cried, balling her
hands into fists and hip thrusting once. "Double up UNGH! UNGH!"
she finished, thrusting her crotch twice more in unison.

"I ain't talkin' 'bout Playboy, 'cause silicone parts are
made for toys! I want 'em real thick and juicy, so find that
juicy double, Mixalot's in trouble, beggin' for a piece of that
bubble." She pumped her fist several times as she'd seen others
do, and the villagers loved it.

"So I'm lookin' at rock videos, none o' these bimbos
walkin' like 'hos! You can keep those bimbos, I keep my women
like flo jo. A word to the thick soul sistas, I wanna get with
ya, I won't cuss or hit ya, but I gotta be straight when I say I
wanna-" Mihoshi paused a second to let several girls moan, "till
the break of dawn! Baby got it goin' on! A lota simps won't
like this song, 'cause them punks like ta hit it and quit it, and
I'd rather stay an' play!"

Mihoshi started dancing her way out away from the band,
getting in the group, which parted before her. "'Cause I'm long!
And I'm strong! And I'm gonna get the friction on!" She pointed
at the girls, again following the memorized actions she'd seen
two weeks previous. "So... Ladies!"

"Yeah!"

"Ladies!"

"Yeah!"

"Do ya wanna roll my Mercedes?"

"Yeah!"

"Then turn around, stick it out, even white boys got ta
shout, baby got back!"

Again the bass drummer started up louder than before,
covering as everyone lapsed into silence, getting their breath
back. Mihoshi breathed heavily, but there was a near maniacal
gleam in her eyes. She was in her element. To prove it, she
shouted, "BABY GOT BACK!"

Laughing quietly to herself, she started walking a slow
circle around the gathered crowd, paying special attention to the
few that seemed especially shy, singling them out for the others
to see. "Yeah, baby. When it comes to females... Cosmo ain't
got nothing to do with my selection. Thirty-six twenty-four
thirty-six... Heh heh, only if she's five-three."

"So your girlfriend rolls a Honda, playin' workout tapes by
Fonda, but Fonda ain't gotta motor in the back of her Honda. My
anaconda don't want none unless you got buns, hon. You can do
side bends or situps, but please don't lose that butt! Some
brothas wanna play that hard roll, an' tellya that the butt ain't
gold, so they toss it, and leave it, and I pull up quick to
retrieve it. So Cosmo says you're fat. Well I ain't down with
that!"

"'Cause your waist is small and your curves are kickin',
an' I'm thinkin' 'bout stickin'..." Mihoshi paused, giving
everyone a wide grin. "To the beat," she continued as the bass
drummer hit another hard lick, "all things in the magazines, you
ain't in this thing. Gimme a sister I can't resist her. Red
beans and rice didn't miss her. Some knucklehead tried to dis,
'cause his girls are on my list. He had game but he chose to hit
'em, and I pulled up quick to get with 'em."

Mihoshi gathered her strength and stamina for the final
part. "So ladies if the butt is round, and you wanna triple-X
throw down, dial one nine-hundred Mix-A-Lot, and kick them nasty
thoughts. Baby got back!"

Mihoshi fell into silence again, breathing hard but flushed
with excitement, allowing the scatting pair to take up the
unusual sounds again.

"Baby got back," she said again, watching the villagers
dance. Suddenly, she paused abruptly to look directly up,
tracking some thing only she could see.

The scatting pair also stopped immediately, as did the
young drummer and the man with the tin cans. Soon the entire
village was copying Mihoshi, looking up in what they guessed was
either a religious vision or a new dance. Either way, they
wanted in on it.

Except for the bass drummer, who was lost in the rhythm of
the moment.

Everyone jumped back, startled as the new girl started
jumping up and down, screaming and running back and forth waving
her hands.

"HEY! RYOKO! AYEKA! TENCHIIII! DOWN HERE! DOWN HERE!"
Mihoshi screamed, hopping up and down.

The villagers were delighted! It _was_ a new song and
dance! They joyfully took up the chant as well, screaming and
laughing and dancing around in their best imitation of the wild
gyrations the blonde outsider was performing.

The silent musicians soon got the feel of it, and took up
the beat again. The rest of the villagers, after listening to
Mihoshi repeat herself, figured out the loud bits and mumbled
their way through the rest of it, in effect remixing Mihoshi's
chant.

"AIE! RO-KO! AIE-KA! TENSHIIEE! KOKO! RO-KO!" they
yelled, each person with his own slightly different version
according to what each heard. After a few repetitions the rough
spots were smoothed out and they got into the groove.

"What to do, what to do?" Mihoshi mumbled frantically to
herself, trying to think of a way to get the other's attention
before they left. "I know!" she exclaimed. "My uniform!" She
lost a few seconds precious time as she ducked and wove between
the madly waving villagers, running to the disorderly pile she
had left her clothes in. On arrival, she snatched up her one-
piece uniform by its legs and started waving it madly in the air.

GP uniforms were made out of a material Earth hadn't
invented, and hopefully Ryo-Ohki would be looking for something
like that.

She ran around the edges of the crowd, occasionally leaping
into the air in her enthusiasm.

Soon the rest of the tribe, conditioned to watching Mihoshi
for direction, was grabbing pieces of cloth from the huts and in
some cases the hammocks strung up here and there, adding their
own efforts to the screaming, flapping mob.

High in the sky, Ryoko, Tenchi, and Ayeka all clustered
around the video screen, watching the commotion below. Ryo-Ohki
had originally been attracted by the light and commotion, and
when they got close one figure had leaped out at her like no
other.

"Miyah! Miyah!" The screen shifted, zooming in on
Mihoshi's face, then rapidly expanding outward to encompass the
entire village.

"Look! It's Mihoshi!" Ryoko exclaimed unnecessarily.

"Oh, my! What is she doing?" Ayeka murmured in shock.

"Dancing?" Tenchi ventured. "I think?"

"Look at the natives! Look at the natives!" Ayeka hissed
suddenly, as they all started mimicking Mihoshi again.

"They're acting like she does!" Tenchi's voice was tinged
in horror.

"Ryo-Ohki!" Ryoko barked, eminently practical. "Prepare to
fire! The madness must be stopped!"

"Miyah!" replied the cabbit in denial.

"Just do it! The fate of the universe is at stake!"

"Now, now, I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation for
this," Ayeka consoled. "They probably just think she's a mad god
and are trying to appease her."

The other two turned and gave her a strange look.

"It happens," she replied defensively.

"No! We have to kill them all! Sterilize the area!" Ryoko
insisted.

"Don't do it, Ryo-Ohki! Mihoshi is a friend!"

Tenchi backed away as the two girls argued, whispering to
the cabbit out of the corner of his mouth. "Can you set us down
close to the village without being seen?"

"Miyah, yah," replied the ship, just as quietly.

Ryoko and Ayeka's argument cut off abruptly as they found
themselves and Tenchi dropped unceremoniously on the edge of the
village.

All three winced at the din, heat, and smell of forty
unwashed people and a large fire, and Tenchi was the first to
recover and yell Mihoshi's name.

"Tenchi? TENCHI!" Mihoshi yelled in delight, quickly
echoed by the crowd, as she picked his voice out of the multitude
and bounded his way, dropping her uniform in the process. She
ignored the crowd hot on her heels, concentrating only on that
one special person.

She would have glomped him, too, but for Ayeka's force
shield, which covered all three of them.

"Nice job," whispered Ryoko behind Tenchi's back. "I'd
have never thought of that."

Ayeka blushed and nodded. "Yes, well, one does what one
must."

"Mihoshi!" Tenchi exclaimed running forward to save the
fallen police officer. He ran right through the space previously
occupied by Ayeka's shield, which had been turned off to avoid
hurting him.

"Ouch."

"Mihoshi! Mihoshi! Are you alright?" Tenchi asked
anxiously, crouching beside her.

"OH, TENCHI!"

"Ack!" he replied as he was enveloped in a full body
Mihoshi hug.

"Forget the tearful reunions," Ryoko growled, pulling the
girl off. "Did you get the trespasser? And where's Kiyone?"

"Um, Kiyone is off out there somewhere," Mihoshi said
nervously, waving in her partner's general direction. "Don't
worry about her." She just knew Kiyone was in a romantic clinch,
and didn't want her friend's private time interrupted.

"Out there? You mean she's lost in the jungle?" Tenchi
asked, concerned. "What happened? Is she alright?"

Mihoshi was just about to reply when Ayeka interrupted her.

"Mihoshi, why are you naked?" She paused. "And why are
all these people naked as well?"

In that same instant Tenchi found himself blind as both
Ayeka and Ryoko covered up one of his eyes with a hand. "Ano,
what?" he asked, confused.

"Don't worry, my pet," Ayeka assured him.

"Nothing to concern yourself with, Tenchi." Ryoko did
likewise from the other side.

"They were," Mihoshi said, and shrugged, pointing at the
villagers behind her, who had stopped their dancing and were
watching the new arrivals with interest.

One, annoyed at the interruption, snuck up and grabbed
Mihoshi's wrist before dragging her back toward the designated
dance floor.

"What the-Hey!" she protested, although not very hard.
"Well, I guess I could do _one_ more. But only one, okay?"

The crowd cheered, and the party was soon back in full
swing. Rescues could wait.

"She never quits."

"What?" Ryoko asked, blinking in surprise as Kiyone walked
up.

"Oh, my, you too, Kiyone?" Ayeka asked.

"Huh? What's going on?" Tenchi asked, exasperatedly pulling
the two girls' hands down. Upon realization that Kiyone was
standing near them, naked, he choked and quickly replaced the
hands over his eyes. Assuming a wide stance, he crossed his arms
and waited patiently for it all to be over.

Kiyone shrugged. "In a way, I suppose I started it. Nice
to see you three here. Did you find the monster?"

"No, we were too busy looking for you two. What happened?"
Ryoko asked.

Kiyone sighed. "It's a long story. Basically, we got
attacked, separated, and we lost all our gear. Help?"

Ryoko laughed once, a short, harsh sound. "You really
messed up, didn't you? Why didn't you call for Yagami?"

Kiyone turned her head sideways and put her hand behind her
ear, holding her long hair back to show them the place where her
earring used to be. "When I say we lost our gear, I mean all of
our gear. I think it ate my gun. By the way, have any of you
ever seen or heard of a being with four arms, two legs, and a
nasty attitude?"

The other two gave her level stares.

Kiyone bowed her head in submission. "Right, right, be
more specific. It's hard to, though. Ah. It's about three
meters tall, very fast, very muscular, skin color is white and
green, possibly mutable, claws about this big," she said, holding
her fingers apart. "It didn't speak, but that doesn't mean it
can't. It tried to get into Yagami, but Mihoshi stopped it."
She noticed the confused looks she was getting and stopped. "Let
me guess, no, right?"

They both nodded. "The only beings I know that big with
four arms and two legs are the Fruntonians. And none of them
would be caught dead in a jungle," Ryoko supplied. In fact, no
one had ever seen the race of power executives out of their
offices in several hundred years. It was assumed they mated
through an office memo system, somehow. "Oh, and by the way,"
Ryoko added, "it didn't eat your gun. I found it." She passed
the blaster back to its registered owner.

Kiyone's eyes lit up as she took it. "Hey, great! There
were several times I could have used this. Thanks!" She glanced
down at herself, shrugged, and tied the gun securely in her hair.

Everyone looked over as Dretric walked up and stood behind
Kiyone.

Ayeka raised one delicate eyebrow as she gauged the
newcomer. "Damn he's big," she stated crudely.

Ryoko, who had been about to whistle appreciatively, turned
and glared at her. "Are naked people _all_ you think about?"

Ayeka turned away, her nose in the air. "Quiet, you."

"I don't want to know, I just don't want to know." Tenchi
was tired. It was entirely the wrong time of day for him.

Kiyone shook her head and looked at the ground. "I do not
want to deal with this right now." She looked up. "Guys,
please, do me a favor. Take Mihoshi up to Yagami and send her
back to our apartment to get my uniform. Wait!" she said quickly
as they were about to ask why it was there. "I don't want to
talk about it. Just tell her to get my uniform, get a good
night's sleep, and meet me back here in the morning. Be sure she
gets a fix on this position, please. We don't need to waste half
a day waiting for her to find me. If you'd be so kind, I'd like
it if all of you would come with her in the morning and help us
capture or neutralize the perpetrator. It's a danger to the
native wildlife and population." She finished and waited for
their response.

"That's fine, I suppose," Ayeka replied. "But why don't
you come back with us?" Her eyes flicked involuntarily to the
side where the huge dark-skinned man was standing and smiling at
them innocently. Ryoko was smirking outright.

"Right now, I want a little time to myself." Kiyone's hard
glare dared them to disagree.

"Fine... Fine..."

"Good. Now kindly take the bubblehead, and her clothes,
and get lost. It's dark, no one will see you. That's great.
Bye bye now." Giving them a combination of rapid chatter and a
few good shoves, she hustled everyone back out of her life for
just one more night.


Author's note: Originally, I left the story like this, with
only a hint at what took place between Kiyone and Dretric.
However, if you really want to know what happened, I did finally
write it after over two years. Look for the side story to
chapter four also posted on the TMFFA and the FFML. Be warned,
it's very, very lemon.

****************


Ryo-Ohki dropped from the sky like a stone, only faster.
The three girls and one boy on board felt nothing of this,
however, although they did watch with interest as the ground
rushed up to meet them.

"Are we going to be seen?" Tenchi asked no one in
particular. Dark circles hung under his eyes, and he had an
unkempt look to him that showed how long he'd been without sleep.
After the events of the night before, he'd had just enough time
to get home, shower, and go to school. Now that school was over,
they had come back to get Kiyone.

Ryoko shook her head. "Nah." She was wearing essentially
the same outfit she'd been wearing throughout the search, a one-
piece fighting uniform she liked.

"Possibly," Ayeka replied. She had prepared for the
probable upcoming battle by changing into something she rarely
wore, a Juraian battle outfit complete with what Tenchi thought
was war paint. She had merely shrugged at their surprise,
dismissing it as something no princess should be without.

"Huh?" Mihoshi had been watching the screen pensively.
She had on her GP field uniform, and had Kiyone's in her arms.

"Oh, well that sure clears up everything," Tenchi said in
exasperation. Alone among the crew, he was not dressed for
battle, having just gotten out of school before they left.

"Get ready everyone," Ryoko announced, tensing her body.
"Ryo-Ohki's going to set us down just out of sight of the
village, and she's going to do it fast. Right about... Now."

Less than a second later they found themselves standing on
a wide dirt road facing in the direction that would take them to
the village. Ryo-Ohki changed to her cabbit form and landed in
Ryoko's hair a few moments later.

The sun was already over a third of the way across the sky,
bathing the jungle in its light. After spending the day in the
relative coolness of springtime Japan, the heat of the jungle
seemed that much worse, especially since they now had to walk
through it.

"Oh, my," Ayeka said, fanning herself with her hand. "It's
very hot out here, isn't it?"

"Un huh," Tenchi agreed, sweating profusely.

"Hot?" both Ryoko and Mihoshi asked before turning to look
at each other and shrugging.

They soon arrived at the village, drawing even more stares
and the odd hostile glance from the people who had wondered where
they had disappeared to the night before. It had generally been
assumed that dealing with the newcomers could wait until after
the party, and then they had just grabbed the hot dancing mamma
and ran off. Few people were amused, although everyone did wave
happily to Mihoshi and offer a greeting, which she responded to
warmly.

Ryo-Ohki, naturally curious, immediately hopped off Ryoko's
head and scampered around, exploring the village.

Kiyone met them within a minute of their arrival, having
been waiting patiently. The big black man was conspicuously
absent.

Tenchi blushed terribly and spun around when he realized
that Kiyone was naked, staring studiously at the sky. Even the
other naked villagers were easier to look at than the longhaired
woman. For crying out loud, he _knew_ Kiyone.

"Sorry, Tenchi," she apologized, taking her much missed
uniform from Mihoshi. "I'd all but forgotten." Despite the
apology, she made no move to cover herself more than simply
holding her clothes already did. "I'm going to go change, I'll
be right back." She disappeared into one of the huts, leaving
the others to stand around uncomfortably.

The village was a fascinating place to Ryo-Ohki. Strange
beings, even stranger animals, a plethora of new smells, the only
thing the village lacked was the variety of electronic signals
she was used to from any habitation. There were a few, magnets,
radio receivers, primitive batteries and solar collectors, all
concealed in the mass of dry plant matter that made up the homes.
Ryo-Ohki was used to that, however, as it seemed to be a
characteristic that all Earth homes shared.

She scampered around the village unopposed, although
several people stared at her in astonishment. She miyahed a
greeting at them and hopped on, wanting to see as much of this
new place as possible before she left.

Many of the humans were laying on sheets of cloth tied
between support poles of a large central structure, and this
seemed to be the most interesting area of the camp. Ryo-Ohki
knew better than to invade the private huts. She eyed several
large birds warily, deciding that they weren't mean when they
simply scattered at her cautious approach.

Suddenly, there was a sharp tug on her short bob of a tail.
Ryo-Ohki shrieked in alarm as she jumped and whirled on her
attacker.

There was nothing behind her.

Confused, she glanced around warily, backing around in a
slow circle to see better. Her ears pricked up alertly, scanning
for more than just sound.

There! There it was! A soft scrabbling above caught the
cabbit's attention. Although completely concealed by the poles
and leaves that made up the roof, in the infrared she could make
out a small humanoid animal, clinging to the other side of a
nearby pole. As she watched, it peeked cautiously around the
pole, quickly ducking back when it realized she was looking at
it.

Ryo-Ohki was intrigued. This was a creature about her
size. Maybe it would be friends with her? She tested the
composition of the wooden pole with one forepaw, circling to keep
the creature in sight. Now that it knew it had been spotted, it
made far less effort to remain concealed.

Ryo-Ohki wasn't that great of a climber. She had sharp
claws, but they were of far more use when she was tearing into
her favorite prey item, a domesticated carrot. Still, she wanted
to meet this strange creature, and as it was above her, she had
to climb. Or fly, but Ryoko had told her not to fly in public.

It was actually a combination of the two that allowed her
to scale the pole. Her claws dug into the pole and pulled her
upward, but it was by manipulating gravity that she was able to
climb quickly and with little effort, much like the way she
climbed around on her friends and sat lightly on their heads.

The little monkey climbed just as quickly as she, though,
jumping into the web of roof supports and then up through a small
hole in the thatch roof. Ryo-Ohki knew that it had stopped on
top, however, and lost little time joining it, although some of
the jumps she was forced to make defied the laws of physics.

The monkey chittered in alarm and jumped backwards when she
suddenly popped up from the hole, landing several feet away.
This time, though, it hesitated, cheeping at her and baring its
teeth in warning. It knew she was different, somehow.

Ryo-Ohki projected waves of calm and friendship, trying to
reassure the Earth creature that she was a friend. She extended
one ear toward it in offering, moving slowly but steadily
forward.

It backed up steadily and rose the volume and intensity of
its chattering with every step. It clearly did not want to be
friends. Then, for some reason, it stopped backing up and began
to advance. The note of fear was gone from its voice, replaced
by an angry confidence that it could deal with this intruder.

Ryo-Ohki halted instantly, suddenly very aware of the
presences now surrounding her. The monkey's friends had arrived,
and they didn't sound like they wanted to be friends with her
either.

Kiyone emerged from the hut, fully dressed and ready to
rock. "You guys ready?"

They nodded.

"Hey," Ryoko said slyly. "Isn't there anyone you want to
say goodbye to?" She eased over and nudged Kiyone in the ribs.
"You know, someone _special_."

Kiyone simply looked her in the eye. "I already have."

Ryoko backed away in confusion, glancing at the others for
moral support. This just wasn't like the Kiyone she had grown
used to. The other Kiyone would have blushed and stammered, or
maybe have gotten angry. This Kiyone didn't seem to want to
talk, and when she did, she didn't feel a need to explain
herself.

Even Mihoshi noted her partner's new attitude in dismay.
Kiyone must have had a truly rough time in the jungle to be so
standoffish now. She resolved to talk to her partner about it as
soon as they were alone. Mihoshi couldn't help but feel that she
was somehow responsible, and one thing she couldn't stand was
having her partner mad at her. It made her want to cry and beg
for forgiveness.

"Mihoshi. Mihoshi. Hey, Mihoshi."

Mihoshi's head jerked around from where she had been
staring at her best friend to see Tenchi looking at her in
concern.

"Are you all right, Mihoshi? You've got tears in your
eyes."

Mihoshi dug the heel of her palm into each eye, forcing the
tears away. "No, I'm fine, really. Are we ready?"

Everyone nodded.

"Wait," Ayeka said suddenly. "Where's Ryo-Ohki?"

"MIYAAAH!" screeched the cabbit, racing away from the
village with a dozen monkeys hot on her trail.

"She's ready to go, too," Ryoko assured her.

Soon they all found themselves on the bridge of Yagami,
watching as Mihoshi told the computer to find the alien being
again.

To tell the truth, as Mihoshi always did, she couldn't have
said what it was exactly that set the six-limbed alien apart from
the rest of the organic life in the area. Some quirk of its
metabolism, perhaps, or a different composition of elements in
its cell walls. Regardless, Yagami's tuned sensors quickly
picked out the alien's unique energy signature and displayed the
coordinates on screen.

"Found it!" Mihoshi chirped happily. It's about three
miles north northwest from the village, sitting very still.

Kiyone winced. "That's a little closer to the village than
I'd like. If we start shooting, someone is bound to notice."

"Can't you lure it away?"

Kiyone turned to look at Ryoko quizzically.

"Well, as Mihoshi said before, it tried to get inside the
Yagami when it knew you were there," Ryoko explained. "Just drop
down a few miles farther, open the airlock doors, and wait for
it. There's no way that it can get past all of us, and Tenchi
could stay onboard to close and open the doors if they need it."

Tenchi wasn't quite able to keep his opinion of that idea
from showing in his expression, but fortunately no one was
looking at him.

"Mihoshi as well, perhaps," Ayeka suggested. "If we three
await it on the ground and in the trees, we would have little
difficulty subduing it quietly once it tried for the door."

Kiyone nodded. "Not a bad idea, but it already knows that
we can keep it from entering Yagami. It may come for us, but not
take the bait. I think it can sense our equipment, or maybe our
energy. It seemed to know that the ship was there long before we
were in sight." She turned to Tenchi. "Tenchi, I want you and
Ryoko to stand in the airlock with the door open. If you see it
coming for you, close the door immediately. Remember, this thing
is far faster than you might would think. If it even gets within
a hundred feet, close the door."

Tenchi nodded.

"Ryoko, I want you to stay in there with him, at least
until I engage. Ayeka and I will stay on the ground, and with
Ayeka's powers and my equipment we should shine like a beacon to
this thing. When it tries to hit us, drop down from above.
Mihoshi," she said, looking at the blonde, "I want you on the
bridge in case we have to move. Keep an eye on the scanners and
keep us informed." She tapped her newly replaced earring. "Any
questions?"

"Yes," Tenchi replied. "Do you have anything I could use
if it gets too close?"

"_Don't_ let it get too close," Ryoko told him. "If it
does, we're already screwed."

"Please, Tenchi, do be careful. Don't take any unnecessary
risks." Ayeka lay one hand on his shoulder.

"Well, he should have something," Kiyone admitted. "Come
on, Tenchi. I think we've got a riot stick in the armory."

A riot stick turned out to be a sword length rod with a
prominent round guard and several strips running the length of
the 'blade'. When a button was tapped and the handle was
squeezed lightly, as if being held in one hand, the blade could
be electrified like a tazer. A dial controlled the power, which
could be set anywhere from a nasty shock to near-instant death
for anything not protected or immune.

Kiyone showed him how to use it, then set the dial for a
level that would stop just short of death for a human. Just in
case he hit himself, as they didn't have the insulated armor
usually worn when wielding the riot sticks.

Tenchi performed a simple waza with the switch off,
bringing the blade on a downward slice, then in a side block,
getting used to the unfamiliar weight. He glanced up at Kiyone
and said, "Do you think this can stop it?"

Kiyone caught a meaningful look from the other two girls
and shrugged. "I doubt it. Nothing seems to have fazed it yet."

Disappointed, Tenchi held it in a low stance, pointed at
the floor.

"So, are we ready?" the dark haired woman asked.

Mute nods all around.

"Let's do it and be back in time for dinner," Kiyone said
encouragingly.

Although hardly the most adrenaline-charged battle cry in
galactic history, they soon found their positions and mentally
prepared themselves.

Kiyone stood in the middle of a newly created clearing,
thoughtfully provided by a few quick slashes of Ryoko's energy
sword. She pointed her new blaster straight up and held it in
both hands, listening intently to her new communicator, which was
now held on by a dab of hypoallergenic superglue.

Ayeka stood right beside her, seemingly armed with nothing
but a serene smile. Dozens of little logs floated throughout the
clearing, however, and multihued sparks danced between them,
gobbling up the occasional insect or falling leaf. Her power
hummed and filled the entire area, an unmistakable, primal
challenge.

Yagami hovered thirty feet overhead behind them, the
airlock very visibly open. Ryoko and Tenchi's faces looked out
at the pair below, searching the trees as well.

Mihoshi was the most active one, watching her screens as
the little white blip moved steadily closer, although much slower
than it had before. "It's being very cautious," she informed
Kiyone. "It's covered the first three thousand feet in a flash,
but it's skulking through the trees this last two. Right now
it's about twelve hundred feet away directly in front of you,
moving to your left."

"Twelve hundred feet, that way," Kiyone informed the
princess, pointing one finger.

Ayeka sighed and relaxed her power, allowing the leaves to
fall unimpeded. Abruptly she sucked in her breath, then tugged
at Kiyone's elbow. "I can feel it," she hissed. "Like Ryoko,
only weaker."

"Mihoshi, Ayeka says she can feel it. She knows where it
is. Keep me informed, though."

Above, in the airlock, Ryoko nodded to herself. She could
feel it as well, using the same sense she used to know where she
was teleporting to.

Kiyone watched anxiously, listening carefully to Mihoshi's
reports as she did. It was Ayeka that slowly stretched out one
slender hand and pointed, directing Kiyone's gaze to a large
white head emerging from a tangle of brush. Her blaster leveled
out, tracking the beast's movements as it stepped into a gap in
the trees, boldly showing itself.

It was the first time that Kiyone had gotten a good look at
it. Four long, muscular arms attached to an elongated torso, two
legs that were slightly longer but at least as dexterous, a
bullet-shaped head with a mouth full of teeth, two staring,
yellow eyes, and the whole package wrapped up in three meters of
white and green patchwork skin.

"Ugly thing, isn't he?" Ayeka commented softly. "And
arrogant."

The alien tore a handful of dirt out of the ground with one
taloned hand, crumbled it slightly, and used another finger to
flick some in her direction with a snort. In a wonderful example
of wordless communication, it had indicated that it thought
exactly the same of the princess.

Ayeka's serene composure twisted into a snarl. "That's
it," she said, striding forward and pushing up her sleeves, "it
dies."

Kiyone's communicator shrieked with Mihoshi's voice even as
Ryoko called a warning out from above.

"Huh?" Ayeka said, immediately backpedaling and shielding
Kiyone as well.

They hit from the sides and back, three equally large
monsters running hell bent for blood, tearing through the trees
like guided cruise missiles. Thousands of feet were covered in
seconds, and they dove through the circle of logs and slammed
into the invisible shield Ayeka had immediately raised.

Ayeka actually staggered forward, the mere physical impacts
backed up by something more, and then the original hit from the
front, knocking her off her feet.

Kiyone, however, was not affected in the slightest by the
violent impacts. She was, however, startled by the sudden
appearance of three more, and not nearly so fast as to be able to
draw a bead on any of them, much less fire through Ayeka's
shield.

Ryoko had no such problems, and immediately teleported
down, aiming for one that was incomprehensively trying to claw
its way through Ayeka's shield, and nearly succeeding.

Claws of psychic power pried and tore at the shield,
flailing away furiously as the beasts growled. With three of
them pushing with all their might, Ayeka didn't dare relax the
shield, and Kiyone could not get a shot. In fact, Ayeka was a
little worried about keeping up the shield period, as it actually
gave a little under the combined push.

Ryoko's blade materialized out of thin air with the rest of
her right behind it, dropping like a meteor through one muscled
torso and slamming into the ground hard enough to make a crater.

Four hands from two beasts slashed at her, too late to stop
her from cleaving the alien in half, but trying hard to get
revenge.

Just as quick she made herself insubstantial and dropped
into the ground, surprised to feel a brief tugging at her hair.
Not only were they as fast or faster than she could be, they
could even hit her when she was immaterial.

Ayeka's confidence returned in a rush. She knew she was
invulnerable. They were just big ugly monsters, nothing to worry
about. And with one, now two of them gone, there was almost no
pressure on her mind. She stood back up and summoned her logs.

The original alien had darted backwards on all six limbs
when the first one died, its inhuman eyes darting around. It
knew that the flying one was underground, the other was just
getting up, and none of the others seemed to be much of a threat.
Even the green-haired one had done little, and now it just stood
there, moving so slowly. It looked up.

The airlock was open and so, so close.

Very close, actually. Tenchi, caught up in the excitement
of the moment, had forgotten to close it. He stood in the
doorway, brandishing his riot stick, and watching the fight
anxiously. He spotted the creature just as it jumped.

To his credit, he fought back the initial impulse to take a
stance and meet it with his blade, instead jabbing his finger on
the close button and THEN taking a stance. He saw right away
that the door wouldn't close in time.

Eight hundred pounds of muscle hit the rapidly closing door
hard enough to dent it, and four strong hands wedged themselves
into the crack. With a scream of tortured machinery, the door
was forced backwards in its tracks.

"HAH!" Tenchi yelled, bringing the charged riot stick down
on the monster's head.

Enough electricity to knock out an elephant coursed through
its body, not fazing it in the slightest.

Undaunted, Tenchi did what Kiyone told him not to do. He
turned up the dial, then hit the monster very very hard on the
shoulder.

The smell of scorched flesh filled the air, and then it
brought its legs in through the door and kicked him.

Ryoko was just about to dart up through the ground and go
for another when she felt a familiar tingle in the back of her
mind. The clearing was about to get nasty.

Little logs floated about in a seemingly random pattern,
not actually existing but simply a manifestation of the Jurai
power. The princess sent a surge of power through them all at
once, trapping the two remaining aliens and frying them on an
atomic level.

No hapless moth or unfortunate gnat was ever fried so
thoroughly between the wire mesh of a bug zapper. The two
monsters jerked several times, swinging their claws blindly, then
simply ceased to be.

"Tenchi!" Kiyone yelled.

Mihoshi ran as fast as she could down the long corridors of
the spaceship, wishing she was on her own long destroyed cruiser.
It had been much smaller, and it didn't take a minute to get to
the airlock. Her new blaster was out, ready, and pointed in
front of her as she ran, just as it had been when she first got
the sensor report that an intruder had made it aboard.

Bulkhead doors slammed closed behind her as she ran. The
monster would make it no farther than it already had.

Tenchi slumped against the wall where he had hit, dazed by
the blow but still clutching his weapon. He shook his head and
looked up, then ducked quickly to avoid the foot that slammed
into the wall where his head had been.

Fortunately for him, the alien didn't stick around to
finish the job, choosing instead to bounce off of that wall and
run up the corridor towards the front of the ship.

Mihoshi heard it before she saw it and wisely prepared to
fire, stopping and bracing herself where she would be able to
jump to the side if she had to.

The corridor had a slight curve to it, just enough that she
couldn't see the end where the alien was. She waited until it
heaved into view, making sure Tenchi wasn't in front of it or
being carried, then opened fire.

Three, four, five shots in all spanged down the corridor,
each hitting the muscled torso with devastating force. The first
three stopped it and knocked it back, and the next two actually
pushed it back, bleeding a thin, clear fluid, which splattered
the corridor.

Wounded fiercely, it skittered backwards out of sight.

Mihoshi followed, gun at the ready.

Tenchi stood up as he heard the shots, then had a brief
flash of Ryoko and found himself standing in the clearing below.
The bisected halves of one of the beasts lay nearby, and there
was a faint aroma of burnt flesh in the air.

Ryoko dumped him unceremoniously beside Ayeka and Kiyone,
then flew back to the ship, phasing through the hull with ease.
She emerged right in front of Mihoshi, already facing the
airlock.

"Tenchi?" Mihoshi asked quickly.

Ryoko glanced backwards over her shoulder. "He's fine.
Did you get it?"

"Not enough," Mihoshi replied concisely. "We need to get
it out of the ship."

Ryoko nodded. "Right, will do." She lifted into the air,
then flew at top speed down the corridor, making herself
completely solid as she did.

Her speed reached that of the creature's themselves as she
went, both fists stretched out in front of her body. It hadn't
had time to claw through bulkheads to the rear of the ship, and
was probably between her and the airlock. With any luck, she
would hit it and keep right on going, carrying the both of them
out the door.

Sure enough, there it was standing to one side of the hall
in the lee of a corner, one hand gingerly clasped over a
particularly well-placed shot and the other three spread and
ready for action. It had only backed up about twenty feet.

Corners were nothing for Ryoko, even when she actually had
to go around them. She hit it squarely between the lower two
arms, picking the surprised monster up and flying down the hall
as fast as before.

Luckily, she didn't have far to go before she exited the
ship. Unluckily, it was just barely fast enough to throw all six
limbs out and sink its talons into the metal walls of airlock as
she attempted to fly through it.

Great rents were left in the metal as it slid backwards,
stopping right at the edge of the ruined door with its butt
hanging over the edge.

Undaunted by her sudden stop, Ryoko drew back one fist and
punched it.

Inhuman ribs cracked from the blow, and a growl of pain and
anger flew from its mouth. Not counting the time spent in
cryogenic sleep, it wasn't very old, but it had never experienced
pain like this before. It wanted to _hurt_ this one.

It let go all at once, allowing itself to be catapulted
back in mid-air, but also allowing it to slam two massive hands
on each side of Ryoko's head and two more on each shoulder.

The first blow was so strong that despite her natural
toughness, Ryoko was knocked instantly unconscious, and thus did
not feel it when it brought both feet up and kicked her viciously
in the stomach.

Ryoko flew higher into the air, and the alien was given a
boost of speed toward the ground.

It needed it, too, as Ayeka was already revving up her
power, preparing to vaporize it just as she had the others.

It hit the trees running, and despite her quick extension
was too fast for her, quickly disappearing into the jungle even
as shots from Kiyone's blaster hit limbs around it.

Which still left the problem of Ryoko's ascent and descent.

Ayeka glanced upwards but allowed her to fall, a serious
look on her face. "Tenchi!" she barked. "Catch Ryoko!"

Tenchi was running as soon as he saw, doing his best to try
and get her before she hit the ground. He needn't have worried.

Ayeka's power, already spread through the area, was in the
perfect position to intercept and slow Ryoko's descent, guiding
her gently into Tenchi's waiting arms.

Mihoshi's worried face looked down from the airlock. "Is
she all right?" she called, voicing everyone's concern.

"Ouch," Ryoko replied, bringing both hands up to gently
massage her head. "Did anyone get the number of that cruiser?"

"You're okay!" Tenchi exclaimed, breathing a sigh of
relief.

"Did we get him?" she asked, sitting up and allowing Tenchi
to set her down on her feet as Ayeka and Kiyone ran up.

"I'm afraid not," Kiyone replied quickly. "It got away.
We need to track it, fast." "Mihoshi!" she yelled suddenly.

"Yes?" The reply floated back down from above.

"Beam us up! We've got to find that thing!"

A few minutes later the Yagami had rose once again into the
sky, out of sight of anything on the ground as it ran a search
once again. The outer door of the airlock was ruined, but the
inner door was more than sufficient to maintain ship atmosphere,
and the next two inner bulkheads had been closed as a precaution.

"How did you miss those others?" Kiyone gave Mihoshi a
hard look from where she sat at the pilot's controls.

"I don't know," she replied distractedly, typing away.

"They couldn't have come from the pod," Kiyone said aloud.
"It was too small. I think it's been reproducing, probably
asexually."

Mihoshi nodded. "If so, they might have more of the local
minerals and compounds in them. That might be why Yagami missed
them on the last pass. I'll have to redefine the search. But
right now, we've got trouble."

"Uh oh." The screen showed a little white blip circling
erratically towards a greenscale shaded picture of a cluster of
huts, and afterward none of them were sure who had said it.

"We hit it hard and fast," Kiyone announced, tilting the
controls forward and giving the ship a goose of power. "Save the
Earthlings."

"Tenchi," Ayeka said hesitantly.

He drooped his shoulders and nodded. "Yeah, I'll stay
here."

"Thanks," she said, and gave him a warm smile. "I don't
want to worry about you."

"You did good, though," Ryoko added from his other side.
"It's just that this guy is really tough." To the others she
said, "I'll take Ayeka in from above. Or would you rather go?"

Kiyone glanced at her partner, who blinked, and shook her
head. "No, I don't think that's a very good idea. We've been
messing around here too much."

"I've got a great idea!" Mihoshi said suddenly. "Kiyone,
get us directly over the village, fast!"

Kiyone had already brought the ship down in a silent arc
towards the area, and quickly did as she was bade. "What are you
going to do, Mihoshi?"

"Kidnap them!" the blonde replied gleefully, tapping a
particular key with great relish as soon as the ship was within
range.

Yagami was a higher class of ship than the average GP
cruiser, both in size and firepower, thanks to a few lucky breaks
and an out of court settlement on a sexual harassment suit Kiyone
had almost filed on one of the top brass. She had then tried to
have her killed and had subsequently been arrested, but Kiyone
had gotten to keep the ship.

One of the things that the Yagami boasted was a very
sophisticated teleporter system, which could almost instantly
make pickup on a full platoon of field operatives, provided that
they were all gathered in one place.

A village as small as the one in question counted as 'one
place'.

In the span of a three second pass, Yagami's spacious cargo
hold was full of startled African villagers, most still staring
upwards at where the giant red ship had flew into their field of
vision.

"So you see," Mihoshi explained to a perfectly horrified
Kiyone, "now we can go down, arrest the bad guy however it takes,
and not worry about native casualties."

Kiyone stared at her mutely for a moment. "...MIHOSHI! Do
you know what kind of Contact Code Break that is!?"

"The third kind, obviously," Mihoshi replied as if she'd
asked 'What is the best brand of pocky?' or 'What do you do when
you get bitten by a Crepusculian flying shrew?'.

"We could be executed by the Juraian Environmental
Protection Agency!"

The nearby Royal Princess of Jurai cleared her throat
politely. "Um, I approve?"

Mihoshi smiled brightly in triumph. "And it's also within
our acting duties as resident officers. Any action that protects
this planet's native inhabitants from off planet trespassers
falls under article 458-13b, section three exemptions and is
therefore legal."

"Oh." Kiyone looked faintly embarrassed. "I didn't
remember that."

"I looked it up last night," Mihoshi admitted.

"Enough already!" Ryoko protested. "Can we go kill Mr.
Four-arms now?"

"Right," Kiyone agreed. "Mihoshi and I will beam down to
the village proper and try to take it out from a distance.
Ayeka, I want you to stay close to Mihoshi and I and make sure it
doesn't rush us. Ryoko..." Kiyone paused blinking, realizing
that Ryoko was no longer visible. "Ryoko? Where'd she go?"

Everyone looked around, as if expecting her to suddenly
heave into view out of thin air.

Coincidently enough, Ryoko did exactly that twenty seconds
later, a six-limbed green and white alien space monster slung
over her shoulders like a sack of carrots.

Everyone screamed and jumped back, expecting it to suddenly
start swinging, but it was completely motionless with a certain
air of finality about it.

"Found it laying in the dirt at the edge of the village in
a puddle of clear stuff," Ryoko explained. "Looks like Mihoshi's
shots did more damage than we thought."

"Are you sure it's dead?" Kiyone asked warily. "The last
thing we need is it suddenly coming back to life in _here_."

"Did you poke it with a stick?" inquired Mihoshi, ever
practical. "My Grandfather said always poke them with a long
pointy stick, then shoot them again if they wiggle."

"I stuck it with an energy sword," the notorious space
pirate replied blandly, indicating a number of scorched holes in
the torso and limbs. "It works better."

Ayeka snorted quietly into her hand, suppressing a laugh.

Kiyone sagged in her seat. "Whew. I'm glad that's over.
This has been one hell of a mission."

"But what if there's more?" Tenchi asked. "I mean, those
others had to have came from somewhere."

Kiyone nodded. "Good point, Tenchi. Mihoshi, see if you
can find any more. I'll take this thing down to the freezer for
transport back to headquarters. The sooner we find the rest, the
sooner we start convincing the natives that we're just a case of
bad beer."

Mihoshi redefined and expanded her parameters, covering the
entire planet in a few minutes, and finally concluded that yes,
there were several dozen more, but they were all clustered in a
ravine fifteen miles from the village.

Ryoko looked at the cluster of blips and groaned. "Oh,
man... I sure don't want to try to take on that many at once."

Ayeka nodded in agreement. "Indeed, that would be quite
dangerous. What will we do?"

Kiyone grinned a wild, devious grin. "Easy. We simply
position Yagami above it, like so..." she said, piloting the ship
to hover ten thousand feet overhead. "And tell the computer to
target that area, like so..."

"Wait," Ayeka protested. "If you use the ships cannons on
that ravine, you'll kill untold numbers of the native wildlife!"

"Kiyone, I don't think the Environmentalists are going to
like this very much," Mihoshi cautioned in an unknowing parody of
Booboo, Yogi Bear's little sidekick.

Kiyone actually hesitated. Ordinarily, she would have
followed the regulations to the letter, and this action was very
expressly forbidden, even in a situation like this.

And then, unbidden, images of big cats and monkeys sprang
to mind. Swarms of blood-sucking insects, broad-leafed
succulents with stinging juices, huge trees, and thousands of
little crawling things that bit you in private places all warred
for position of the dominant irritant in her mind. Crudely,
reminded of her little lice problem, Kiyone scratched her crotch.
Un unh, no. This Galaxy Policewoman had just been pushed too
far.

And Kiyone finally had call to voice a statement that had
been running through her mind since the first hour she'd been
lost in the jungle. And, also in an unwitting parody, albeit a
little more different, of a certain large cartoon bear, she said,
"Bah... FUCK the Environmentalists, Mihoshi."

Ten thousand feet below, a plume of ionized air, pulverized
earth, and vaporized animal matter a thousand feet across leaped
from the jungle floor and raced across two square kilometers of
pristine jungle faster than the eye could follow. Every living
thing within that area, including the bacteria and viruses down
to a level of a hundred feet below ground, was utterly destroyed,
especially the four nests built by the four-armed aliens and all
the younglings within.

Unfortunately, while this huge missing chunk of the jungle
would later fascinate Earth scientists, now no one would ever
discover the cluster of little blue flowers at the base of a
towering jungle giant that contained the most remarkable chemical
compound that, if it had been synthesized and marketed, could
have finally cured cancer.

But hey, you can't make an omelet without breaking a few
eggs.

High above, everyone gazed at the barren landscape in a
mixture of awe and triumph, with Kiyone enjoying most of the
triumph.

She breathed in deeply, savoring the feeling. "No," she
said quietly, "it's not better than sex. But the feeling lasts
longer."

Mihoshi patted her on the back. "We did it."

The dark haired woman nodded. "Yes, yes we did."

"Of course, now we have to put the villagers back. Unless
you'd rather keep them?" Mihoshi prompted.

"One of them, anyway, eh? Heh heh," Ryoko added, giving
Kiyone a good-natured jab in the ribs.

"Unfortunately, we're not allowed to keep any pets,"
Mihoshi said reluctantly. "It's a shame, too."

"No, no, we're carrying them back. It's the least we can
do."

Yagami darted west, where high-speed teleporters and
computer memory put them all right back where they had been
nabbed from.

The frightened villagers immediately huddled together in
the center of the village, staring up at the huge red ship they
had begun to realize had picked them up briefly.

On board, Kiyone manipulated the settings and database on a
pair of BinAural Bio-ELectric Feedback Impulse Separator
Headsets, which was a fancy term for a set of translator devices.
They instantly allowed the wearer the ability to understand
anything said to him or her in another language, but did not do a
thing about speaking it. Thus, the need for two.

The reason she rarely wore one was that they were bulky and
very visible, and also the pair of thin tubes that had to be
inserted up the ear canal for the device to work properly. They
were usually useless in alien confrontations, too, because it was
hard to convince anyone else to wear one, but this time she was
confident that she knew one that would try it at her behest.

After a few moments, she gave Mihoshi a thumbs up. "I'm
ready, put me down at the edge of the village."

The heat, humidity, and clamor of anxious villagers nearly
made her faint after the climate-controlled interior of Yagami.

First a few villagers stopped and stared, then the rest as
they gradually grew aware that their visitor from last night had
returned.

In a certain state of undress, no less.

Kiyone tapped her red earring with one finger. "Very
FUNNY, Mihoshi, now beam down my clothes."

"Sorry! I thought you'd want to be naked like them again."

A momentary flash of red light later, Kiyone was again
dressed in her fighting outfit. Forcing a friendly smile onto
her face, Kiyone called out, "Dretric! Hey, Dretric!"

The large black man in question stepped forward, gently
prying his way through the dense crowd and gawking at her in
astonishment. "Yes?"

"I know you can't understand me yet, but you will soon.
Just put this on, please?" She offered the bulky headset to him.

"Well, I guess you don't mean any harm..." he murmured
cautiously.

"No, I'm here to help," she said encouragingly, smiling
when he looked up in alarm.

He accepted the headset with all the enthusiasm of someone
accepting a dead mouse, turning it over gently in his big hands.

"Here, you put it on your head," she explained, pantomiming
putting it on."

"I know that," he replied testily, flicking one of the
flexible tubes pointing inwards from the earpieces.

"Stick it in your ear," she offered politely. When he
looked up, she pulled hers back a little way so that he could see
the tube enter her ear, then slowly set it back, wincing at the
tube sliding so close to her eardrum.

Breathing deeply to gather his courage, he bravely risked a
brain fry and possible metal control, placing the headset on his
head and sliding the thin, flexible tubes in his ears. He
squirmed and clenched his eyes shut, not liking it at all, but
resisted the urge to fling the alien device away.

If it had been anyone but this woman, he would have never
even took the thing out of her hands. As a rule, fear the
unknown. But, well, he had to admit, after last night he
definitely knew her. Even in the biblical sense, and in some
ways that would have gotten him excommunicated by the catholic
church.

"Sorry about that," Kiyone apologized. "It's the only
thing we've got that can translate. I can understand you when
I'm wearing it, but you can't understand me unless you have one
too. Your people can still understand you, but they can't
understand me. I need you to translate."

Dretric jerked, surprised to find that her former gibberish
was now easily understood, accentless English. "Wow," he said
after a moment, marveling at the device. "This really is an
alien translator, huh?"

Kiyone nodded.

"And you're an alien, right?"

She nodded again.

He scratched his head. "So why is it that it's translating
from English to Japanese, and not from English to whatever the
hell language you speak? I recognize Japanese when I hear it."

Kiyone shrugged, as if it didn't matter. "Just one of
those things, I guess. I speak Japanese, you speak English,
neither of us can understand the other." She shrugged again.

Oddly, he began to laugh, whooping in extreme amusement.
He laughed for several moments, greatly putting the crowd at
ease, which had grown nervous at the one-sided conversation. He
slowly brought himself back under control, wiping tears from his
eyes. "Heh, that's funny. You bring in all this sophisticated
technology, and it just translates from one Earth language to
another."

Kiyone shrugged helplessly, not sure what to say to that.

He looked up. "So, I've got a million questions for you,
but what I really want to know right now is why you kidnapped us
and brought us back. Are we all the same, or do we now have
alien parasites in us or something?"

Kiyone smiled. She had known he was smart, that was part
of her attraction. That and the fact that he was ridiculously
well hung, but that went without saying. "No, no alien
parasites. You're actually a protected species."

Dretric wasn't sure he liked the sound of that.

"We had to pick you up for a moment because there was a
dangerous criminal in the area, heading for your village," Kiyone
continued unawares. "In order to prevent any injuries, we
teleported you up while we subdued it. Don't worry, we got him.
In fact, you can thank my partner for that, she may well have
save the lives of many of your people. We're very sorry to have
scared you like that, normally we would never interfere with a
developing people."

He blinked. "Your partner? The blonde?"

She nodded proudly. "Mihoshi. It was her idea to pick you
all up before the fugitive got here. It really was a dangerous
being."

He whooped and turned to the villagers. "Hey, everyone.
The blonde girl saved our lives from a badass alien monster when
they picked us up just then. They say we're under protection,
and they're sorry to have scared us."

Most of the villagers cheered at the news, except for a few
paranoids who were promptly beat down for the crime of being
different and having a different opinion. "Bring her down!"
suggested on, and the cry was quickly taken up by the rest.
"Bring her down! Bring her down! Bring her down!"

Dretric turned to relay this request, but Kiyone stopped
him with a wave of her hand.

"Don't worry, I understand them." She tapped on her
earring again. "Mihoshi? They want you to come down so they can
thank you."

"Thank me? Really?" she transmitted into Kiyone's ear.
"I'll be right there!"

Kiyone nodded, then suddenly something occurred to her.
"With your clothes ON!" she barked.

Dretric laughed and turned to the chanting crowd. "She'll
be right here!" he bellowed. He looked back at Kiyone. "What
about those other people that came last night? I'd wondered
where they and your partner ran off to."

Kiyone nodded. "Ryoko? Tenchi? Ayeka?" she sent. "Do
you want to come down so the villagers can thank you, too?"

There was a brief pause, interrupted by Mihoshi suddenly
appearing and being swept away by the crowd, before Ayeka's voice
replied in her ear. "With all of those naked Earthlings? We
don't wish to appear rude, but I don't think Tenchi should be a
part of such proceedings. If we may, I think we'd all do best to
go back to Tenchi's house and rest. Poor Tenchi is already
asleep; he's had a hard day."

Kiyone nodded and chuckled. "That's fine, you guys go on
back."

"Have fun, Kiyone!" Ryoko's voice encouraged. "Yeah, lots
of fun, if you know what I mean. Heh heh heh ouch! What was
that for?" Her voice cut off abruptly.

Kiyone chuckled good-naturedly, feeling remarkably good
about herself.

Dretric was watching the crowd mob the blonde, and quickly
deduced that they were far happier about the return of their 'hot
singing mama' than any excitement over the first contact with an
alien race. Of course, if their legends were true, this wasn't
their first contact.

Oh, yes. That reminded him. "Say," he said, getting her
attention.

"Yes?" she replied, mentally cataloging all the things
she'd have to tell them to insure secrecy, among other things.

"Does Sirius B really have an orbital period of fifty years
around Sirius?"

"What?" she asked, confused. This wasn't a usual question.

"Sirius, you know, the dog star?" he repeated. "Oh, yes,
you'd probably have a different name for it. It's the brightest
star in our sky, at night you can see it over there," he added,
pointing at the sky.

"Brightest... Hmm." She frowned, thinking hard. "OH!
_That_ sun. By 'B', you mean that little blue dwarf circling it,
right? Yes, I think it does have an orbital period of fifty
years." She looked at him oddly. "How did you know?"

He smiled. "_I_ didn't." He pointed at the villagers.
"_They_ did."

"Oh."

"Heey Kiiyone!" Mihoshi called from across the village.
"Can we stay the night? I mean, since we're probably already
fired and all! They keep wanting me to sing!"

Kiyone opened her mouth to say no, then glanced at her big
friend and reconsidered. Perhaps, they did deserve a little time
off. "Sure, why not?" she called back. "Have a blast, Mihoshi!"

"Thanks Kiyone!"

Kiyone gave Dretric a full force Look, demanding attention
and obedience. "There are a few things I need to tell you.
First, you must never tell anyone else what has happened today.
You or the villagers."

"No problem!" he lied. "They don't talk much to outsiders
anyway." That, at least, was the honest truth.

"Second, you must continue to act just like you always did.
No graven images of the ship, no radical cultural changes, or
anything like that."

"Oookay..." he agreed, a little put off, idly scratching
himself.

"Okay?" she asked.

He shrugged, bewildered. "Anything else?"

"That'll do, at any rate. We don't have the equipment to
do anything else. Budget cuts, you know." She looked
apologetic.

"Some things are universal," he agreed.

She cocked her head at him expectantly. "So, ask whatever
questions you want, if I can, I'll answer them."

Without hesitation, he replied, "Well, I hate to ask, but
it begs the question. So tell me, did you or did you not abduct
Elvis?"

"What?"

"I thought so."

Kiyone shook her head. These Earthlings asked some strange
questions. They weren't like the ones she had been around in
Japan. "Anything else?"

He thought for a moment, then shook his head. "None I can
think of at the moment. I'm sure I'll come up with something,
though. You are spending the night, right?"

She nodded, and a slow smile crept onto her face as her
eyes traveled rudely up and down his body. "That's okay, it's
not your mind I'm interested in anyway. Yes, as a matter of
fact, I _was_ wondering if your hut was still open."

He gulped, but showed enthusiasm despite himself. "Umm...
Sure!"

"Lead the way, then," she prodded, aggressively nudging him
along."

Dretric laughed suddenly. "You know, finding out that
you're an alien sure makes this strange. I mean, I've heard the
stories and seen the movies, but I never in my wildest dreams
thought that if I met an alien, _I_, the human, would be the one
to do what we did to you, the alien." He paused. "What is it
with you aliens and sticking things up the-"

"Not another word," she hissed, clapping a hand over his
mouth. "Can't you let a girl have her peccadilloes?"

Somewhere else in the village, Mihoshi started a well-
received rendition of 'Can't touch this.' to thunderous cheers.


****************


"Bye!" he called, trusting his manner to get the message
across, as none of them wore the translator helmets now.

Birds flew across the sky, adding their voices to the
morning chorus, and Yagami hung motionless overhead, back from
its night in high orbit. The heat was far less than it should
have been, and even the usual hum of mosquitoes seemed muted. It
was truly looking to be a beautiful day.

"Sayonara!" Kiyone called back, waving her hand at the
assembled villagers and him in particular before vanishing in a
flash of red light.

"Bai bai!" Mihoshi called, waving to her fans, that is, the
assembled villagers. Then she, too, disappeared.

Yagami twisted the laws of physics until they broke, then
reformed them in some highly improbable fashion, launching itself
at ridiculous speeds into space. It was out of sight in seconds.

One by one the crowd dispersed, returning to the daily
business of feeding the mosquitoes and eating the monkeys.

Soon only Dretric was left standing in the dusty village
clearing, staring upward at something only he could see, and
occasionally covertly scratching himself.

"All that, and she was an alien," he murmured after a
while. "The boys back at Harvard are never gonna believe this.
Not only did I make first contact with an alien race, I even
slept with her." He shook his head at the improbability of it
all, then scratched his crotch again, this time a little more
forcefully.

He looked down suddenly. He'd been doing that a lot more
often lately. Something tiny moved slightly, catching his eye.
He knew what that was.

"Aww, Christ. And she gave me crabs, too."





OMAKE OMAKE OMAKE OMAKE


Unfortunately, that wasn't all she gave him. Three months
later, a mysterious sexually transmitted disease, harmless to
alien races but virilent in a human host, swept the tiny,
amaxingly promiscuous village, devouring each of the villagers
from within and sending them to their painful deaths.

Alas, but not before Dretric left the village, returning to
Harvard with his numerous handwritten reports. Thanks to a
number of friendly encounters in airport bars, several old
flings, and a stop at a New Amsterdam brothel, the disease found
itself spread over a wide range of prolific partners and in the
perfect position to sweep the planet. Dretric infected over a
dozen people before he finally choked to death on his own fluids
in a New York hospital, and they, in turn, infected far more.

With so many people having been exposed, it soon spread to
the rest of the world, turning into a planetary epidemic that
doctors were powerless to stop.

All told, the disease eventually claimed over three million
people before mutating into a less harmful form that later caused
the extinction of the last remaining goldfinches.

But hey, these things happen far more often than you'd
think.

The moral of this story?

Use protection, especially when in Africa.



Mihoshi: Next time in Aurora of Rainbow Fire, spring
vacation finally arrives. Tenchi, Ryoko, and Ayeka all leave for
planet Jurai, leaving Sasami on Earth.

Kiyone: Tenchi's father and Grandfather promise to take
care of her while she's on a little vacation, and Mihoshi and I
will be doing our part as well.

Sasami: We're going to the beach! Yay!

Kiyone: But when Sasami finds a cursed glass bubble
containing the spirit of a little girl, can even a young Juraian
princess bring herself to free her?

Mihoshi: So, um, stick with us for A Prison of Glass, okay?

Sasami: It's completely pure and innocent.