Utena, Revolutionary Girl Fan Fiction ❯ Memory of the Rose ❯ Chapter Eight ( Chapter 9 )

Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste
It all revolves around you
And there's no mountain too high
No river too wide
Sing out this song I'll be there by your side
Storm clouds may gather
And stars may collide
But I love you until the end of time

Come What May - Ewan McGregor

Mid-summer.

The heat came boiling off the afternoon beach as if from an oven; all along the sandy shores men and women baked. Only those who had sought the cool embrace of the salty water were offered any respite from the day's cruel glare; even then, their discomfort was only delayed for but a few hours. For most this was a determent; only the most tolerant and patient dotted the spacious shore. It, despite the absolute beauty of the day, was a rather sad sight. No children played up and down the beach, there were no beach balls bouncing, no rollicking laughter. No families bickered genially; no lovers strolled along the sand holding hands. Even the Border collie one man had brought with him was not running freely, despite his leash-less state.

The day was simply too hot.

At the far end of the beach, though crowded, a small group of towels and beach chairs sat. Two coolers squatted in the shining sand with several large umbrellas leaning tipsily over them.

Apparently there was some fun to be had after all.

"WAVE!" Nurikia yelled as another wave of water nearly bowled the tall girl over. She dived quicker than a dolphin and came up again a short distance away. Her crimson hair shone in the sun, drawing many appreciative stares. "This was the best idea ever! Hang in there, Sari!"

Shrieking, Sari also dived under the teeming water and came up sputtering. Saltwater washed over her and her wet hair darkened in the spray. It was plastered across her tanned cheeks and forehead in plum colored wisps- had Miki been there he would have been startled at the color of it, of its texture in the water. It would have reminded him of someone long dead.

Anshi revisited, in a way.

Sari screamed as another wave surged toward her. Her bright eyes were gleaming, "I don't ever want to go home!"

And she truly didn't anymore. Her homesickness had passed as many small colds do. Though the school system in Japan had taken more than a little bit to get used to, Sari had found rather quickly what she liked and what she didn't about the country of her mother's birth…and her new situation in life.

Like: Summer holidays.

Dislike: Year-round school.

Like: The sheer number of hot boys that followed Nurikia around.

Dislike: The sheer number of boys that looked her over like a piece of meat ever since she and the enigmatic redhead had become friends.

Like: The beauty and strangeness of Ohtori.

Dislike: The strange darkness of Ohtori.

Because when it boiled down to it, that was a major concern of Sari's, and why she was enjoying this rare trip off campus so much. No matter where she was within Ohtori's grounds it was as if eyes were watching her. Perhaps it was because she spent so much time with Nurikia, perhaps it was due to her own blossoming beauty, but it was as if some dark eye, some impenetrable gaze, followed her every move as she glided slowly from class to class, or spent time within the strange rose garden. The weight was insufferable, but she knew it all had to be in her imagination.

After all, who would be so interested in her?

Another wave swelled beneath her and Sari thrust upward, pushing herself from the water like a slender mermaid. She broke the surface as she had once left the womb, gasping for breath and shrieking; though this time it was with joy not anger. A surge of water beside her and Nurikia appeared, her own flame-colored hair darkened to the shade of crimson ember low in the fire. "So, you CAN swim," Nurikia laughed, shoving and splashing the younger girl as best she could while treading water. "You never told me you swam so well!"

Sari laughed and shook her head again, sending shining droplets of water to glisten momentarily in the air before plummeting earthward once more. "I'm just full of secrets, aren't I, Nurikia?"

The girl paused and looked Sari once over, then grinned mysteriously. "You could say that, Sari-chan. You could say that."

In the distance something flashed and Nurikia winked at the younger girl. "Come on! Time for us to go in!"

Sari nodded, but remained treading water as Nurikia dived under the salty waves once more and began stroking strongly toward the shore. The material of Nurikia's swimsuit glittered brightly in the summer sun and momentarily blinded her.

It was strange- how things changed.

One moment she was a child, the next she was an adult.

Already she was fourteen years old, soon to be fifteen.

Something dark niggled at the back of her mind as Sari remained where she was. The water was growing a little rougher- in the distance she could see the bevy of boys that always followed Nurikia gather on the shore. Though it was faint, she could just smell the treats being prepared. Though the sheltered Japanese students had heard of hot dogs and other traditional American fare, many of them had never had a good, old-fashioned New York hot dog overflowing with sauerkraut. It had taken a few trips to several different stores, but finally she'd been able to gather all the needed supplies. Nurikia, especially, enjoyed the different type of treat. It wasn't, however, the bubbly redhead that Sari wished to impress.

In the distance, on the beach, the slim form of Makoto dove for something that sparkled and shone in the bright afternoon light. Sari felt her cheeks redden and she quickly dived under the water again to cool them. Like Nurikia, Makoto had just been elected to the Student Council. He was in the high school and in some ways he reminded her very much of...

No.

Best to stop that line of thinking right there.

It wasn't proper.

Sighing, Sari leaned back and let her body float, let it drift. The waves carried her ever more slowly away from the beach, but she didn't notice. She knew that she should really go back. She really should.

But Sari couldn't make herself. She didn't want to return. She just wanted to float here forever and be part of the ocean surrounding her.

To fade…

To slip into the stream of nothingness.

To be more than the sum of her parts as it were.

Why had her mother left her?

Blinking in surprise, Sari frowned and splashed the water in slight irritation. What in the universe had made her wonder about THAT at a time like this? It was a wonderful summer day- it was bright, it was beautiful.

Her mother was dead.

Her mother…was dead.

It was so strange…

She remembered her mother a little less each day. Normally she tried to force the memory away, to banish it from her mind as one would nasty thoughts about a good friend. She would tromp on the dim memories and doubts; crush them under her mental heel. They didn't deserve to be in her head, cluttering up her thoughts, betraying her feelings.

Her mother was dead! She was an orphan. Just like Adam. Just like all the children she'd grown up with. All she had was her great aunt. And Mitsuru…and Miki. And now... Nurikia. She was sure of it. She had a true friend in the newest Student Council Secretary. But that was all. She was alone save for those few. No real family to speak of, no father to adore, no siblings to confess her transgressions to. That was it.

THAT WAS IT!

But…

Her heart ached in the same way it had all those years ago, in New York. Ached as it did when she buried her hot little face into her pillow at night and listened to the newest orphan weeping down the hall, wanting their mommy. Sari cursed under her breath. Damn! Why was she thinking of such things? Perhaps it was the sun... or perhaps it was coming to Ohtori.

Attending the same school her mother did. In the short time she'd been there… it had affected her. Every day she walked campus; her fingers would steal up and brush against her mother's ring, worn on a tarnished silver necklace about her neck. Her eyes would devour the campus avidly. Did her mother used to eat lunch on that hill where so many students lounged in the afternoon? Did she cross that bridge every day on her way from the dorm to the campus proper? Did she play basketball or some other sport in the gym? Or had she been one of those studious girls who would rather die than break a sweat?

Had she been a good student? Did she play in the observatory like Miki often said he did? Did she practice Kendo or Fencing like Mitsuru? What had she been? Where had been her favorite place on campus? Did she often look up to the giant observatory and wonder what kind of life Dean Ohtori lived, as Sari often did? Had she gazed upward and seen that strange building thrusting upward into the sky with a strange butterfly feeling in the pit of her belly? Had she ever looked up at the exquisite rose-shaped widows high above the earth and dreamed of sleeping in a room so vast that you wouldn't be able to see the walls when the lights were out?

Had she ever had dreams of Ohtori Akio?

Dreams like the ones Sari occasionally had about Makoto? Dreams she sometimes had about Ohtori himself?

Sari blushed, but forced herself to continue on that line of thought. It was okay. It was natural. Ohtori Akio was a handsome man after all, if quite a bit older than her. But when Sari's mother had attended Ohtori, he must have been much younger. Much more…virile. Much handsomer…though that seemed hard to imagine. She'd seen the enigmatic man on campus so often this term- he stalked through the halls with a perpetually worried expression marring his handsome features…

And when he looked at Sari his eyes always darkened.

Confused about her own rolling emotions, she'd told Nurikia once about his expression- the older girl had giggled, and then said nasty things. Sari had decided to never discuss Ohtori Akio with her again.

But her mind kept turning over those looks as one does a puzzle.

She looked back at him, silent, yearning to get to understand what lay behind the dark eyes, to touch one strand of that silky violet-silver hair. But he'd never said a word.

He'd never had to.

Always, always, at the sight of him something would quiver inside her. Something dark, darker than the eyes that seemed to follow her every movement, heavier than the belief that she would never escape this strange limbo she'd begun to drift into… Much like when she looked at Makoto...something about the Dean scared her.

Something about the Dean thrilled her.

Was this wrong? This hapless crush on a man twice her age? Was it right? If she met him alone in the hall one day… if she spoke… would he answer? Or would he find her a foolish little girl? Who was Ohtori Akio?

Who was he indeed?

He frightened her and intrigued her all at the same time. It was said he knew every student that had ever passed through Ohtori's front gates… had he known her mother? He was so young looking, it was doubtful. If he had, he'd have only been a very young man at the time- twenty, twenty-one at most. If he'd known her at all.

But if he had…the LOOKS he gave her.

It could explain so much… if he knew who she was, who her mother had been. Should she go see him? Should she go introduce herself some vague day? Make up some story about needing advice on transfer schools? Or be blunt, honest, as Adam would be?

She could picture it now; he would be startled, but pleased to see her. Confused, yes, but his eyes would lose that dark glare he perpetually wore now. He would say, 'Utena? Yes, Himmemiya-san, I knew her.'

"Foolish girl," she muttered, blushing. The waves carried her still further out, but she couldn't make herself care. She was too caught in her inner dialogue. "He probably can't even remember half his teachers, much less a possible student from fifteen years ago! And you're just a student to him! Some stupid kid! Quit killing yourself with curiosity! Stupid! Stupid Sari!"

Gasping, Sari ducked under the water and forced her eyes open. She needed an escape from her own mind and here was the best way! Such brilliant color, even so close to the surface! Far below a school of bright yellow and orange fish lazed by, their tails flicking neatly back and forth. Sari was about to swim a little deeper when suddenly a much larger dark gold colored fish darted out from its hiding spot among some driftwood and snatched a few of the slower fishes in its mouth. The other fish scattered, but the gold fish didn't care. It had its lunch.

Sari frowned and turned her head away. It was too cruel at times, nature was. Why did the young, the pretty, have to be gobbled up by the older, the wiser, and the darker? Why did the world have to be so…violent all the time?

Shivering, Sari began kicking outward in an attempt to bob herself up to the surface again. It was colder this far down; she could feel the cooler riptides tugging at her toes, trying to drag her further out and farther down. If she let herself lag under the water much longer she probably would have to stay there.

Forever.

The morbid thought frightened her and Sari struggled a moment, pushing upward with all her might. The sea, as if deciding to play with her further, let her fight her way almost to the surface before dragging her down again. This went on for what seemed like forever- Sari was truly beginning to be frightened- when suddenly her head broke the water and she gulped air deeply into her lungs.

Thank god!

The tides tossed her further and further out. The sky was darkening ominously and a large wave caught Sari by surprise, shoving her down under the waves as if to taunt her. Sari surfaced again and was startled to find she was further from shore than she'd intended.

"Crap," she whispered in English, her eyes scanning the horizon. The darkness and sudden cold hadn't been her imagination. Clouds were rapidly rolling in as if from nowhere.

And she was very, very far from shore.

Squinting, Sari nearly whimpered. Oh WHY hadn't she gone in with Nurikia? Why had she stubbornly stayed out and dreamed her dreams of the Dean knowing her mother?

"HELP!" she cried, but no one in the distance turned.

She was so screwed.

***

Adam rolled over in bed and blinked at the darkness in his room. How long had he been sleeping? From the living room he could hear a soft coughing- Juri was still up then. She hadn't been feeling well lately, he could tell despite her reluctance to discuss much of anything with him. She had barely been sleeping, she'd developed this nasty hacking cough, and even her normally smooth skin seemed tighter than usual. Almost as if her skin were being drawn tightly over the framework of her bones; her eyes were sunk further back in her face, giving the impression of two glittering sharp jewels shining from the depths of a worn chest.

But she was still beautiful to him. She would always be beautiful to Adam.

"Mom?"

"Yes, Adam?"

Adam rose from his bed and padded into the living room. Kozue wasn't home yet; there was no smell of liquor or stale cigarettes permeating the air. "You feeling okay?"

Glancing up from her dog-eared novel, Juri smiled wanly and nodded. Adam felt an uncomfortable thump-thump in his chest when he looked at her like this… so thin, so pale. When he'd first met her, Juri had seem to practically glow with vibrant life. Now the fingers grasping the book were past slender; they were almost skeletal in their gauntness.

Trying to lighten the mood, Adam took a running leap and threw himself over the back of the couch to bounce harmlessly a few times on the cushions, despite Juri's disapproving stare. Completely ignoring her, he thumped the leather cushions a few times, a thing he knew she despised, and sighed in mock contentment as he wriggled in just such a way to make a sucking sound with the backs of his legs along the fabric.

Enough was enough. Juri snapped her book closed and stared at him with her best ice-queen look. "Did you have something to say, young man, or did you just think it would be amusing to interrupt one of my few nights of peace with those annoying noises?"

Grinning, Adam peered over the side of the couch with the largest, sweetest eyes he could muster. "But Mom… I just want to spend time with you!" He gave his best hangdog expression and was pleased to see her eyes narrow thoughtfully. Sure enough, a moment later, a rueful and half-amused smile drifted across her lips and she closed her novel with a regretful sigh.

Score:

Adam- 1

Mom- 0

She never could deal with that look.

"Fine then, oh son of mine," she mocked lightly. "Would you like to go out and do something this beautiful evening?"

Jumping up, Adam leapt over the back of the couch and swept her into his arms. He was careful not to crush her; Juri might be strong, but she truly was nothing more than skin and bones these days. Handling her as if she were the world's most delicate china, he spun around and around, cradling her to his chest as gently as he could. Juri, despite her better protests, was half-screaming with helpless laughter. Her hair had grown long again, if somewhat thinner and sparser, and the curls slapped his cheeks as the pair of them spun around and around until finally he settled her lightly in her easy chair once more before staggering to a halt. Collapsing on the floor, he huffed air in and out of his lungs while Juri, in a manner he never would have attributed to her, giggled like a schoolgirl from her chair. For a moment- was it his imagination?- she seemed brighter, shining almost with an inner glow. But then, as her laughs softened, so did the image of her bright youthful energy.

"I," he gasped, "would like…to…wait a second, I need to breath."

"Take your time," she murmured with a smile, brushing her thing fingers through her hair and lifting the heavy mass of the back of her neck, "I need a breather too."

"Okay," Adam tried again. "I would like to take you out for some seriously good food. You didn't eat tonight."

Her smile faded and her brows drew together sternly. "Adam, I'm not hungry."

"You didn't eat yesterday either," he accused. "And don't tell me you got something at the office, I talked to Kozue."

Leveling a stare at Adam that would have made lesser men shrivel up and die, Juri rose to her feet and angrily yanked her mass of hair into a high ponytail. "Adam, this is preposterous. Why in the world are you watching what I do and do not eat?"

"Ever since Kunzaki-sensai called this morning while you were at work." Adam replied warily, taking a good long look at her face. Her doctor never called the house unless it was important. He usually called Kozue with appointment notifications.

Juri stilled. "Kunzaki-sensai?"

"Yeah," Adam whispered. "He said the test was positive. Mom, what's going on? What test?"

Sucking in a breath, Juri nodded once. In a flurry of motion she was at the door and pulling on a light jacket despite the heat of the evening. She moved before the mirror beside the door and quickly ran a comb through her tangled tangerine-hued locks. Every motion she made was tight, nervous, and without her usual grace and style. "You're right. We should go eat. Come on, there's a wonderful Italian restaurant down the street that just opened up last week. How long has it been since you've had-"

"Mom," Adam interrupted, joining her in front of the door, "talk to me."

Juri stopped her nervous motions and then did something unusual for her. She reached out and cupped his face in her too-slender hands. He could feel the clammy coolness of her fingers, feel the structure of bones beneath the sinews and muscles… it took everything in him not to shudder. This was bad. This was very bad. Juri met his eyes with her own fathomless gaze and gently stood tiptoe to press a chaste kiss to his forehead. It was as if she'd shrunk. He could remember once meeting her eyes, being her own height. Had he grown so much in the past years? Her lips were dry as they lingered just at his hairline. How long had it been since she'd touched him thus? A very long time- Juri was never one for too many physical displays of affection. The strangeness of this evening was a clear example of that. She NEVER would have let him toss her about a few years ago.

"Adam," Juri murmured. "Why don't we go to dinner, hey? Italian, okay?"

He licked his lips. "Sure," he whispered a shudder wracking him despite the humdity. "I haven't had Italian in a long time."

The heat was heavier as they stepped outside the apartment building and began walking through the evening throng of downtown Tokyo. Adam surreptitiously wiped the sweat off his brow and, once more to his surprise, actually caught Juri doing the same thing. Had someone told him three years before he would have caught his ice-queen of a foster mother actually doing something so mundane as sweating without having engaged in a serious workout previously… he would have scoffed at them. Instead he found the action both disturbing and healthy. He liked it- it made her seem more human. Juri was still a beautiful woman, a very young woman, but as he'd noticed a few months ago on that day with Touga-sensai, she was indeed growing older. He could see it in her stilted movements in the very late evenings, in the way she carefully held herself sometimes, as if a wrong movement would break something. He hated the idea of her being in any kind of pain, but if she were growing slightly stiffer in her old age it was definitely improving her temperament some. She had always been thoughtfully kind, but cool and rather unapproachable. It was as if the past six months had mellowed her out some- she pushed herself and likewise the rest of them, much less. It was odd to see her relaxed after so many years of perpetual over-achieving, but nice. Very nice.

They arrived at the restaurant maybe ten minutes later. The maitre'de recognized Juri; he grew flustered and actually blushed when she took his hand in an almost casual greeting to introduce him to Adam.

"Jacquard-san, this is my son, Adam. Adam, this is James Jacquard, the owner of this fine establishment."

Adam blinked in surprise as he took the man's proffered hand and shook heartily. Juri normally didn't go so far as to introduce him to such people, even if she were friends with them, but being polite was the very least he could do. This man must be unusually nice for her to have struck up such a good companionship with him so quickly. In some regards she had such a stand-offish type personality, that even getting her to acknowledge another human being could be a bit of a chore at times.

"It is my pleasure, young man," Jacquard gushed, while strands of his thinning blond hair fell over his cheeks. "A real pleasure to meet the astounding Adam! Your mother speaks so well of you." He smiled broadly and Adam turned to his mother very slowly, a cautious expression in his eyes. Juri actually SPOKE about him to someone else? Normally she barely spoke to people about herself, much less him.

Juri, as if sensing his startled confusion, smiled and threaded her arm through Adam's. "Adam doesn't often realize how special he is, Jacquard-san," she murmured softly. "But be assured, every word I said is very true."

"Of course it is, my fine lady!" Jacquard crowed while taking Juri's other arm and guiding the pair of them through a set of finely crafted double doors off to the side. "As if I would doubt you!"

"So how is your wife?" Juri asked almost casually. "I haven't seen her around lately."

Jacquard's eyes misted slightly and his grin dimmed. "She, like you, is a fighter. The therapy and she don't always agree, you see? But she keeps on. I had to hire a maid last week to keep her from over-exerting herself on the laundry. It is so heavy she has problems lifting it now and I can't always be there when she gets it in her mind to change out the sheets."

Nodding slowly, Juri reached over and squeezed Jacquard's arm gently. "You did the right thing. If Clara wishes company, just have her call my office. I'll take the day off and spend all the time with her she needs."

Curiosity burning deep within him, Adam remained carefully quiet. It was apparent that whatever this man's wife had, it was terminal. There was something in the way the pair spoke of the mysterious Clara Jacquard that made him sad. They chose their words so carefully, as if speaking out of turn would break her! But it also confused him- how did Juri know this couple? Did Clara work as a model once? Perhaps Juri knew James from her days at Ohtori? He doubted it. The delicate way Jacquard-san had of speaking indicated either a European or American birthright.

Jacquard's voice cut through Adam's thoughts. "Your table, Madam and Sir." He made an elaborately grand gesture and winked largely at them while pulling out a chair for Juri to sit. He'd given them a small room all to themselves- there were only five round tables carefully set in the entire room. It was cozy, charming, and dimly lit. "I will send Soun in a moment to take your orders. Would you like to see our wine list?"

Juri shook her head and once more Adam noticed how thin her hair was becoming. It was still long, but the thickness of it was much less. Her hair used to droop in long looping curls, the weight almost bowing her slender neck, but now though the length was approximately the same, there appeared to be much less of it. Maybe it was some new way of arranging hair? Adam inwardly shrugged and settled down. "I'll have a Coca Cola, please," he requested.

"Tea," Juri said, taking a casual sip of water from her water glass. "Thank you, Jacquard-san."

"You're more than welcome," the enthusiastic little man replied as he handed them their menus. "I'll be right back with your beverages."

Adam waited until the bustling man was out of the room and looked at Juri in a way that can only be described as askance. "I didn't know you talked about me to complete strangers. Hell, I didn't know you talked about me at all."

Looking refined as ever, Juri opened her menu and perused it. "Of course I speak about you, Adam. You're my son. What, you think I adopted you and then pretend you don't exist outside of our apartment?"

Adam shrugged uneasily. "You are pretty close-mouthed about stuff, that's all."

Juri opened her mouth to reply but a young man glided into the room just as she seemed ready to speak. Adam silently cursed the intrusion, but ordered graciously, as Juri had taught him. When they had finished he could tell by the shuttered look in her eyes that he would get nothing more out of her until dinner was completed at the very earliest. Deciding that it would be better to bide his time he chose to speak of more relaxed topics. Soon Juri's face lost the tired, pinched look and she was outright laughing at some of his bad jokes. Unusual, but refreshing. It worried him.

Dinner was over all too quickly. Adam carefully folded his napkin and lay it beside his plate as he took a good long look at his mother. She paid their bill and was waiting for her change, but he could sense the tension rising once more. She knew what he wanted, what he would pursue her for until she cracked. She HAD trained him after all.

Answers. Answers were his ultimate goal and only a miracle she didn't believe in would save her from his curious gaze.

Recieving her change, Juri tipped Soun, and rose quickly to her feet. "If we're going to speak of personal business," she murmured with a hint of her old cool attitude, "we shall do it at home."

"Yes ma'am," he whispered back. They made the return trip through the humid Tokyo night in silence.

Once the door to their apartment was open, Juri erupted into a flurry of action. She entered the kitchen and began making tea almost violently. Cupboard doors slammed. China clattered. Adam dropped into a relaxed position on the floor, waiting for her to make her customary evening cup of tea before questioning further.

Soon she was finished.

Moving across the room with stilted grace, Juri juggled a slim rose-covered mug of tea and a plate of wafers. She stepped over Adam and slammed open the glass door to the balcony. "I don't want to hear it, Adam. I'm a grown woman and my personal affairs are none of your concern." Her voice was firm, but there was some dark undertone that scared Adam.

It scared him a lot.

It was this fear that drove him to do what he did next.

"Mom," Adam said drawing behind her and touching her shoulder. "Kozue...she knows what's going on, doesn't she? She knows, but she won't tell me what's going on. I'm not stupid! For some reason you're hiding stuff from me. Are you sick? If you're sick, it's okay, I can stay with you until you get better. Just TALK to me. Please? Talk to me." He stepped forward and hugged her- his arms could have wrapped two times around her bone-thin frame. "Mom…"

She seemed to sag against him. The cup teetered in her grip...slid...shattered against the patio floor. He held her in his arms, his adopted mother, and waited. It would be soon in coming. He was not wrong. Juri stilled in his embrace and her lips brushed his arm as she said words that chilled his heart. "It's in my lungs."

Adam stilled. No. She hadn't just said what he thought she'd just said. NO!

"Adam. I'm dying."

"What?"

Adam drew back and turned Juri around. She had somehow grown smaller than him… or had he just gotten that tall over the years? He would be eighteen soon. He wasn't that far from the University. He'd gotten his kanji and hiragana and…everything… he'd gotten everything up to par for her. She… she wasn't… she wasn't doing this. "WHAT?"

Juri reached up and laid one emaciated hand against his stubbly cheek. He was no longer a boy, he was a youth only a step away from manhood. "I didn't want to tell you," she murmured. "To make you an orphan again so soon."

"No," he said. There was a leaf under the toe of her right slipper. Juri, his mother, was so unlike any woman he'd ever met before. So cold. So pristine. But she wore Donald Duck slippers in the house when they had no company. Donald Duck. And there was a leaf, right there, under Donald's bright yellow beak. She couldn't be dying. She couldn't be standing there in her ratty old slippers and dying. And she kept too neat a house to let a stupid leaf blow on her balcony. So this was just a dream. Just a dream. He shoved her, hard. "NO!"

She reached for him, but all he saw were the bones of her skeletal hands. The bones.

Death.

Death reaching for him.

Death reaching for him through her… his mother.

NO!

Turning on his heel, Adam ran across the living room and vaulted over the couch. Kozue opened the front door and he shoved the petite woman out of the way with four times the strength he'd used on Juri. She went staggering backwards, spilling groceries left and right. She hadn't been out partying after all, not this time. Cans of condensed soup and bottles of pain killers rolled across the floor in a fan. As he shoved past her his left foot crunched down on a prescription bottle of Duradrin, his right crushed some Tylenol-3.

The migraines.

How long had she had them?

The coughing fits.

She'd been having those as far back as his first summer with her.

HOW LONG HAD SHE KNOWN?

Taking the stairs two at a time, Adam practically threw himself down flight after flight of steps. Finally he reached the bottom and sped across the foyer, out the front door, and across the street. He ran against the light and not even the screech of tires, the smell of burned rubber, broke his sorrow. He wanted to die.

Juri…

Juri was dying.

Juri.

His mother.

He was going to lose his mother.

Again.

NO!

The park loomed ahead and Adam made a beeline for it. The darkness suited him now.

He just needed some peace.

To think.

To dream.

He didn't want to go home tonight.

Or maybe never.

Not Juri.

NO!