Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ I Deserve ❯ Nightmares ( Chapter 3 )

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Weiss Kreuz characters. Not even Youji. *sobbing hard* The story is from my *um* head and there is no way that the owners of Weiss Kreuz would think of doing this to them.

Warning: Mild language, mild mention of the following: sexual abuse, incest, suicide, drugs, angst etc

Rating: R for the above

Eventual pairing: Aya x Youji

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Nightmares.

'Please, please stop'. Block it out Youji, don't think don't feel. 'I can't the pain'. Take yourself away from this pain, from the invasion of your body. The tears streamed down his cheeks as his body was thrust forward. The man behind him, hurting him, doing things to him that should never be done to a son by his own father.

Block out the pain Youji, block it out, think of Angel's think of their wings enfolding you. Think of anything but the man thrusting deep inside of you, making you bleed physically and mentally.

Stop the fucking tears damn it, it doesn't make things better. It gives him power over you, as if the bastard didn't have enough over you as it was. 'Son of a bitch I hate him, I hate him so much that all I can see is black when I look at the hateful bastard!'

More pain, as fists hit his already bruised body, until the pain became a numbing sensation. The young boy withdrew into himself and blocked out all his senses, all his emotions, his eyes not seeing as his body was being pounded by the man who was supposed to protect him. Darkness swamped his mind; he could not stand it in this world much longer. The tears now stopped. Tears only hurt more; they do not help at all.

He blinked, as a white light blinded him, such a beautiful light. He closed his eyes as the brightness began to hurt him, make him want to cry.

"Youji." Such a beautiful voice coming from the light. A familiar voice. "I am free at last dear Youji."

Slowly in a dreamlike state he opened his eyes, the light still blinding. The image began to focus as he gazed at a female with Angel wings. She had a soft sad face with bright blue eyes. "Eliza?!"

Her small porcelain white hands reached forward and stroked his face tenderly. "Dear sweet Youji thank you for the flowers, they meant a lot to me."

Youji lost himself in her blue depths. "Eliza why are--"

Her small fingers covered his mouth. "Shh I will watch over you Youji. Just don't give up, never give up. I promise to watch over you."

Eliza the Angel began to fade the light diminishing, making him blink once again, confusion in his emerald eyes.

He started and cringed when the image of his father blocked him from the light. "You are nothing but filth and you deserve this punishment. You deserve this Youji because you asked for it." The menacing laughter made him cower in the corner, the hands reaching for him, touching him again. Oh God no, not again please. With great strength, he started kicking and screaming, his body aching and so sore. NO MORE!!

His eyes snapping open Youji sat up quickly his breathing ragged. "Shit!" His hand shook as he reached to turn the lamp on, he cried out when he saw movement by his bed.

"Aya! What are you trying to do? Give me a fucking heart attack!" Youji frowned trying to calm his breathing down. He hasn't had this nightmare for awhile. Why was he having them again? And why was Eliza in his dream?

"I heard you crying out." Aya was not sure himself why he was here but there was great pain in the way Youji had cried out. They have been together for a while and yet they really knew nothing about each other. They all had there secrets, every one of them did. But and this perturbed Aya, he wanted to help Youji, he wanted Youji to confide in him.

Leaning over Youji grabbed his cigarettes and lighter his hands still shaking. "It was just a nightmare." He slid the cylinder between his lips and lit the cigarette inhaling deeply, the calming affect almost immediate.

Aya nodded his granite mask still in tact. Nightmares. He knew about nightmares, they all had them. "You want to talk about it?" What the hell was he doing? Was he crazy or something?

Looking with uncertainty at Aya, Youji could only stare at him dumbly. He was surprised that Aya had offered to listen to him. No surprised was not the word, fucking stunned better described it and it was because of this that made him answer, "yes," before he could stop himself. He was even more stunned when the redhead sat down across from him on his bed wearing only a pair of crimson silk boxers and a white tank top. Youji frowned looking down at his cigarette shaking his head, don't go there.

Turning to look at his team mate Aya tried hard not to stare at Youji's golden chest, he had a few scars, and his fingers itched to trace an outline around them. He could see from where he was sitting that the skin looked very soft and smooth probably like silk. He coughed as Youji caught him staring and he just hoped to God that Youji could not see the blush stealing across his cheeks. "Do you mind if I have a cigarette Youji?" Hell he needed to calm himself and the one causing the problem was his team mate.

Okay…Aya smoked. Handing him a cigarette and his lighter Youji was seeing a side to his team mate that he never knew. Strange really, they knew nothing about each other. Only what they wanted each other to see, and that was basically not much at all. He watched Aya inhale his pale chest rising and falling as he did this. That same pale skin that he would give anything in the world to taste. Forget it Youji, just forget it.

"What was the nightmare about?" The sooner they discussed this the sooner he could leave and get back to the sanctuary of his own bedroom.

Choking as he dragged on his cigarette, Youji coughed and spluttered. Shit! I don't want to tell him about my past. He trembled as his fathers face flashed in his mind. 'You deserve this Youji, you asked for it.' He flinched as he felt someone touch his shoulder, panic rising in his chest. "Don't touch me!"

Aya calmly shook Youji, he knew that look. The desperation, the self hatred, hell he stared in the mirror and saw it on his own face many times. "Youji, look at me. Look at me now!"

Raising his eyes slowly he swallowed hard staring into violet eyes. Calm cold eyes. Youji thought he would never say this to himself but he was glad of those icy depths. They were so much a part of Aya, and he needed to identify with something that was here and now. The warmth from Aya's hands was in contradiction to his eyes, the heat from them seemed to seep straight into his blood stream. He then blurted out, "I was raped when I was young." Trembling he dragged deeply on his cigarette looking everywhere but at his team mate. He could feel the tears trying to break through but kept them at bay. He sneered at them, useless fucking things that they were.

His hands clenched tightly on Youji's shoulder, Aya could only stare at the older assassin. Raped! His throat went dry. He was not expecting Youji to reveal something as intense as this. It made Aya feel warm inside, a feeling he has not felt in a long time. "How old were you?" He spoke softly; he did not want Youji to clam up, not yet. Unconsciously his thumb began to circle the soft flesh of his team mate, relaxing him. His other hand holding the cigarette, he leant forward to put it into the ash tray his movements nice and slow.

Feeling comforted by this Youji sighed heavily, and closed his eyes. "I was ten." He shuddered, "don't ask me who he was, I can't remember." Lies but he did not wish to say the words out loud, not about his so-called father.

Cool violet eyes gazed at Youji shrewdly. Aya did not believe Youji and he was willing to bet that it was someone close to him who had raped him. He understood why Youji would not want to share this with him and one day he will get it out of Youji. If only to rid Youji of the guilt he was feeling because of the rape. If Aya got hold of the bastard he was going to run his Katana through the prick, no questions asked. His fingers began to massage Youji's shoulders, his skin like warm silk, so soft that it sent a thrill up his spine. "I am sorry Youji." Surprised at the tenderness in his own voice.

He was not the only one; Youji looked at him then closed his eye as the gentle massage began to relax him. Aya had knowing fingers giving the right amount of pressure, soothing Youji, his mind blocking out his father as another feeling rushed through his body. He shivered and bit his bottom lip, not wanting this moment to end. "That feels good," he murmured softly as his head rolled back leaning against his headboard.

Aya could only stare at the long neck that was beckoning him to taste it. He swallowed hard and stopped what he was doing. Shit, shit, shit. Before he knew what he was doing his thumb gently stroked up the swan like perfection his eyes drinking in the shudder that shot through Youji. Fuck! Stop it! He quickly removed his hands as Youji's emerald orbs stared at him.

Youji blinked and was not sure what was going on. Oh he had his wishes but this was Aya and he knew he had to be practical where the red head was concerned. The silence was becoming uncomfortable for the pair until Youji dragged his gaze away from Aya's. He shrugged casually even though he was tense as hell now. "I-I also dreamt about Eliza." Youji wanted to break the tension that had suddenly sprung up between them, not sure what had started it.

"Really." What the hell are you doing Aya? He could not help himself it was there for the taking, the gold slender neck of Youji that he had not noticed before. Ken I don't know whether to thank you or hit you.

"Yeah it was weird she came to me as an Angel. She said she was free and that I was never to give up because she would be watching over me." He smiled at Aya his face glowing, "maybe I am worrying about her too much but she is so sad for someone so young." Youji knew there was more to it than this and when he finds out who the bastard is that was hitting her he is going to pay him a quiet visit in a dark alley.

Jealousy cut through Aya. He balked at this feeling asking brusquely, "Do you have feelings for her?" He wanted to kick himself once the words were out but he had to know. Why? He was not sure yet.

Aya was full of surprises tonight. Youji stared at him his eyes penetrating, looking for answers in that cold granite face. He saw nothing and was not surprised in the least. "Yes." He hesitated as Aya's body stiffened. "Eliza is a sweet kid and I feel there is a lot of shit happening in her life. I just want to protect her that is all."

"Like a sister?"

Youji nodded, "yeah, like a sister."

Aya relaxed at these words smiling inside. Like a sister. It reminded him of his own sister. One day he would tell Youji about her, he deserved to know and Aya was willing to share it with his older team mate. Not tonight, tonight was Youji's night. "Tomorrow I will ring Manx for her address and you and I will pay Eliza a visit."

Youji could not understand why Aya was being nice to him; the normally cold stoic leader was even going to go with him. He knew Aya did not have to but he was glad just the same, it might stop him from killing the prick hurting her. Youji grinned, "Sounds good to me."

Feeling embarrassed Aya decided it was time he left before he did anything else stupid tonight. "Do you feel better?"

"Yes I do. Thank you for listening Aya."

He shrugged. "We better get some sleep; we have that mission to look into tomorrow as well. The sooner we start the sooner we can get the bastard and stop the drugs from hitting the schools." Aya stood up and looked down at Youji. He looked so vulnerable that Aya had this sudden urge to grab him and pull him into his arms and hold him tightly against his chest. It was so overpowering he had to force himself to walk away. "Goodnight Youji."

"Night Aya."

Stepping out the door Aya softly closed it and breathed out with relief leaning on it. Fuck what is happening to me? He was not sure if he felt good or bad about this feeling. Shaking himself he walked towards his bedroom to see Ken standing there looking at him.

"What were you doing in Youji's room?" Ken was furious. He had heard Youji's cry and was going to investigate but all he saw was Aya walking in and closing the door behind him. That was an hour ago. Jealously ran through him like a knife, sharp and piercing.

Aya arched an eyebrow not in the mood for this. "None of your damn business Ken." His hand reached for the door handle.

"You have to watch Youji Aya; he is a great actor when he wants something." Ken could not stop himself, he tried really hard to, but he was consumed with jealousy towards Youji and it was near killing him.

Pausing Aya looked at him coldly his violet eyes like thin slits. "Back of Ken and leave him alone, you have no idea what is going on inside Youji's head."

"And you do?"

"No I don't." But I want to. This surprised Aya but he accepted it for what it was. Yes he did want to know what went on inside Youji's head. Before he had thought Youji was nothing but a drunken slut, now he saw him in a different light. Tonight Youji had shared a past with him, a painful past and Aya would never forget that. Youji who would rather smirk and pretend everything was fine had opened up to him. Aya the iceberg.

"I am tired, night." He opened his door because if Ken said one more word about Youji he was going to hurt him. Where this protective instinct for Youji came from Aya had no idea. It was there inside him now, and not likely to be removed by anything. He entered his room shutting his door softly refusing to look at Ken.

Once inside his room he breathed easily again. The mission was going to be easy; they knew where to find the target because Youji had recognised him at the club he went to on his last mission. A male with silver hair and grey eyes. They still had to find the warehouse where the drugs were being made but they would find the place and take it down. The school kids were being targeted this time and the drug was causing an alarming high rate in suicide. They were still not sure what the name of the drug was called, they had thought it was the HH pills but it had nothing in them that related to the suicides. The drugs they were looking for caused intense depression, then delusions of safety and peace. The drug then attacked there minds making them believe they were something other than themselves making them do things. Jumping out of windows, walking in front of moving vehicles and so on.

When they saw the pictures of the dead teenagers it shook them. One had shot himself another had jumped out of a high building. They were only 13 years old. Aya was determined to find the warehouse and kill the bastard who was the mastermind behind it all.

Yawning and stretching he slid between his silken sheets, his thoughts returning to Youji. He smiled, the last thing in his mind was Youji lying there looking vulnerable and Aya holding him in his arms tightly.

***

Ken watched with fear as different emotions flitted across Aya's face. His anger intensified when Aya defended Youji. He scowled at this wanting to march into Youji's room and have it out with him. He took a deep breath to stop himself; he knew that if he pissed Youji of enough he would be in deep trouble. He had to do something. Youji did not deserve Aya.

Stalking back to his own room Ken decided that he would approach Aya and tell him about his feelings. He was in love with Aya and has been for awhile. Perhaps that is what Aya needed, someone to tell him that he was loved. Ken hoped it was anyway. He would tell him after the mission.

When Aya went into mission mode he switched himself off from everything else. Even Youji had this habit. The two older assassins worked great as a team and sometimes Ken was jealous of that comradeship but never interfered with it. It was good for the team that they could work together like this. Besides once they arrived home everything was back to normal, Aya disliking Youji and Youji trying his hardest to piss the leader off.

Ken had to smile at this, he admired Youji for that, he was the only one brave enough to goad Aya to the point of explosion. Youji would then smirk and leave the explosive Aya standing there ready to kill someone. It took Omi too calm him down, Ken usually helped as well, but then Aya would tell them both to piss off and storm into his room.

Ken wondered at first why Youji did this and began to watch him. That was when he discovered that Youji was attracted to Aya. The soft looks he gave Aya when he thought no one was watching. But someone was watching and Ken could see that the older assassin had feelings for the redhead and this had made Ken panic. So he told Aya.

What the hell, just go to sleep Ken and sort it out tomorrow. Everything will work out in the end. You'll see. But he kept on seeing Aya's face when he first walked out of Youji's room. Faraway and confused. He punched his pillow fiercely just get to sleep Ken tomorrow you will do what you should have done ages ago.

Across town a scream could be heard, a broken body being held in protective mother's arms.

Guilt and anger overwhelmed the female as she held the daughter who did not deserve to die like this.

Anything but this.

TBC