Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Easier to Go ❯ Chapter 1

 

Heyaz once again amigos! Finally got the last songfic one shot for Numb and My December. For those of you who haven't read those fics, it might be best if you read them before this one. And once again amigos the lyrics of this fic are Easier to Run, once again by Linkin Park! And the girl in this fic is still based on my char but you can pretend its yourself if you want. Now there is mention of suicide character death and also the suicide of another just to let you know. Get way too depressed sometimes... but hope you enjoy!

 

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I always keep looking back on that day, that horrible fateful day that I saw the one that I used to care for... the one that I had rightfully shoved away... the one that I regretfully did not come and help when they needed it for so long... the one I saw whose life was taken away by the icy depths of those frigid waters... the one who now became frozen and made no effort to free themself from the grip of death that finally got them...

 

My ex-boyfriend Seto Kaiba. Rich, famous, good looking, smart and owner of a great company... Seto Kaiba... now dead.

 

It's easier to run

Replacing this pain with something numb

It's so much easier to go

Than face all this pain here all alone...

 

During the funeral of his younger brother Mokuba, I had decided to go, feeling that even though I no longer wished to have any ties with him, he at least deserved some comfort from someone who he didn't feel annoyed by, such as Yugi and the others.

 

He was surprised to see me there and it clearly showed on his pale, saddened face. It pained me somewhat to see him like that, to see someone so great suffer so, so horribly. Even though somethings people say he might deserve, he didn't deserve this... he didn't deserve to lose the one person he truly cared for and loved... definetly more then me...

 

I still didn't understand how Mokuba passed away. Yugi and the others knew nothing of it and Seto had made sure the newspapers gave out no important information. And those that probably did know, such as Seto's employees, were sworn and probably most likely threatened to secrecy and they were doing a pretty damn well good job of keeping their knowledge silent.

 

After the ceremony I had gone over to Seto as others had left, including Yugi and his friends. They probably knew that talking to the cold, emotionless CEO might prove little use. It actually did as earlier I saw them give their condolences to Seto, who only reguarded them with a cold, icy stare and said in a very dangerous, cold voice 'thank you'. I can't say I blame them for leaving... its pretty hard to crack through Seto's shell that encases his emotions.

 

I showed my own condolences to Seto and said things that would soothe normally anyone, words of true kindness and care. I had shoved away my bitterness I held towards him when I came to the funeral, knowing that I should only be sincere and understanding no matter what this bastard had done to me in the past.

 

However, unfortunately for me, Seto didn't take my words the way I thought he would. He became cold, ruthless and heartless towards me, saying how he didn't need any sympathy, especially from some wretch like me. He went on and on like this, not even caring as wet snow and sleet started to come down on us.

 

I cursed myself inwardly, knowing he wouldn't change. I yelled back at him, telling him that he's a cold heartless bastard that deserves no one and no kindness either. I even said that it might have been best for his brother to die, no matter which way he did. Better dead then to be with someone as cold as Seto Kaiba.

 

Now this made him very enraged yet saddened somewhat too and even though he looked like he was going to hit me or maybe something much worse, he didn't and turned away, saying in a cold, strained yet sad voice to go, to which I did, leaving him to stand in the ever increasing rate of wet snow, sleet and even now hail.

 

Few days later he called me, apologising for the way he was at the funeral and even before when we were going out and asked if I could come over to spend time with him, saying he needed some company and comfort, not wanting to be alone. Normally I might have gone, but I told him no and hung up.

 

Practically everyday after he'd call me again, asking me, nearly to the point of begging if I'd go over, saying he'd wait for no matter how long it took, even if it was hours, which was so unlike him. But every response I gave was a cold no. I wasn't going to fall into the same trap again. I even told my friends of Seto's phonecalls and they congratulated me on being strong and ignoring him... though I could probably tell they were happy by this cause that makes Seto a single person again... free for the taking. I didn't really care, I was glad that they were supportive of my decisions in some way.

 

But near the end of December when he called me again, his voice sounded so different I can hardly describe it. It sounded emotionless as it usually was but far more different... like as if he had no hope left in the world... as if his life was being sucked out of him... like he was going to die even... and yet it sounded like he didn't care if he did. And you know what answer I gave him again?

 

“No”.

 

But as hours passed after the phonecall I grew worried, tensed, afraid for him. Did I make a wrong choice? Nearly after more than five to six hours passed I felt I did and immediately headed over to his estate.

 

The maid who answered the door said that he was outside on the grounds somewhere so I went there immediately, searching for him but finding no sight of him. But at the top of one of the snow bank hills I saw an implant in the snow of where he probably sat and footsteps that seemed to head down the hill on the side opposite of me to where the now frozen lake of Domino River was.

 

As I scrambled to the top of the hill, there I saw him standing in the middle of the frozen river with his back to me, gazing at the forest that was ahead of him. What the hell was he doing?

 

He soon turned around, finally gazing up at me as if he knew he was being watched. He gazed at me for quite a while and I shivered slightly as wind passed around me and shifted my hair to float to the side. I couldn't tell from where I was standing on what he was doing down there on the river and I was quite perplexed. And also by the way he was staring at me I wasn't sure if he was glad or angry to see me here.

 

He looked up to the sky for a moment, as if pondering something before returning his gaze to mine and then slowly raising one of his legs, nearly bending it perfectly. What on earth was he doing? Acrobatics?

 

Yet I soon knew the answer as he brought his foot slamming into the ice and the horrible sound of it cracking echoed all around us, growing louder and louder as pieces started jutting out before sinking down into the river. And it surrounded him, as if not letting him to attempt to make an escape...

 

“SETO!!! WAIT!!!” I screamed as I started running frantically down the hill, slipping quite a few times as I did.

 

However he was just standing calmly and still as the ice continued to crack around him and as I just bearly reached the edge of the ice, he crashed through it, as if being sucked under.

 

I was still shrieking and screaming as I was frantically thinking of a way to get him out of there, all the while waiting anxiously and praying, hell even begging for him to surface.

 

But he didn't.

 

Something has been taken

From deep inside of me...

 

I was pretty much crying and bawling, feeling lost, weak and helpless for not really doing anything except for screaming. Some people from the mansion had heard my screams and as some hurried out to my location and noticed the disarrayed chunks of ice, they suddenly knew what happened and yelled to others to call for the ambulance.

 

I felt so stupid... he's probably nearly DEAD under there! I gotta dive in there and get him out of there before he really is dead! But as I made a move to head to the river, Seto's employees immediately grabbed at me and held me back, as if knowing what I was going to do.

 

I screamed and kicked out but they held me firm in their grasps, saying words of comfort to me that he'll be alright and help is coming while I was screaming out that he's dying, probably already close to death unless we do something now. But they didn't let go.

 

Fifteen minutes later an ambulance, a few police cars and also some reporters came to the scene, stopping short in front of the river, which was starting to freeze over slightly, as if wanting to cage Seto deep into its cold, frigid watery depths...

 

But as trained medical scuba divers went down to retrieve his body and as they surfaced I knew the truth... even before they announced to the media and everyone else... even without having to look at his frozen, deathly pale body... I knew...

 

He was dead. And I felt so much guilt well inside me as if I was the one who forced him under those ice covered waters...

 

A secret I've kept locked away

No one can ever see...

 

The police questioned everyone who was on the scene before they arrived, being mostly Seto's employees and myself.

 

When the officer asked me exactly what happened when I got here, I felt like telling them that I was the one who killed Seto... that I was the one who forced him to become so suicidal... to cause him so much pain that he had to end his life... that I forced him to end it...

 

Yet the response that came from my mouth was the truth on what I saw... on what Seto did before he forced himself to crash under the ice...

 

I hoped that they'd think somehow I was lying and maybe they'd arrest me but yet they didn't, being satisfied with my answer.

 

The media asked me and Seto's employees questions as well, but mostly me. Questions such as what I was doing here, what relations I have to Seto and exactly what happened. Luckily for me the police officers forced the media back, saying that I wasn't in the right state to answer and truthfully I wasn't.

 

And though I didn't want too, I felt my eyes being pulled to Seto's frozen, dead like form... it entranced me and frightened me...

 

It frightened me more by the fact that if I had come sooner he might still be alive today...

 

But he isn't... because of me... the great Seto Kaiba is... dead...

 

Wounds so deep they never show

They never go away...

 

I left the Kaiba Estate as quickly as I could yet slowly as well... it felt like I was in some gruesome battle and I leave with the scars and the gashes that I rightfully deserve for killing the wrong person...

 

But nobody would realise the pain I'm enduring... oh they might realise how upset I was for Seto being dead... but they don't realise the true suffering I am enduring... and rightfully so...

 

Like moving pictures in my head

For years and years they've played...

 

And as I returned home I kept replaying the images of Seto committing suicide... of him crashing through that ice and never surfacing... and then the image of him dead as the scuba divers retrieved him from the river... oh gods it hurt...

 

And then when I returned home and turned on the television, practically every station I started to franticaly flick through reported on Seto's death... and it killed me even more... even though they said he committed suicide, it looked to me like they were blaming me for ending his life...

 

If I could change I would

Take back the pain I would

Retrace every wrong move that I made I would...

 

If only I had gone to visit him those few days earlier when he called me and didn't sound so hopeless as he did earlier today... if I'd gone back at a much earlier date he'd still be alive... I don't care if he would hurt me again... if it had given him the chance to live I should have done it...

 

But I didn't.

 

If I could stand up and take the blame I would

If I could take all the shame to the grave I would...

 

It tears at me... on the inside and out. Have you ever felt the immense pain and the nagging thought that there was something you could prevent... yet you didn't? And that you regret every living moment of it? I sure do... that's the feeling I have right now...

 

Hell, if there was a law that they would arrest people for making others suicidal then I would gladly go to jail... but there was no such law... and the police probably wouldn't even arrest me, saying that being a CEO of a great company at just the age of eighteen and to also lose the only family member they had left would prove nerve wracking and that any normal or even unnormal person would snap. And even though that's probably true... they're wrong...

 

If I could change I would

Take back the pain I would

Retrace every wrong move that I made I would...

 

Naturally they'd be right on that anyone can crack under tremendous stress... but if they can be saved and the person who could save them chooses to not do it... then that is just like murder...

 

If I could stand up and take the blame I would

I would take all my shame to the grave...

 

I feel like I murdered Seto Kaiba... and nothing that I can think or do... and nothing that anyone can tell me or do will ever change the ever growing sense of guilt and pain inside of me.

 

It's easier to run

To replace this pain with something numb

It's so much easier to go

Than face all this pain here all alone...

 

A week after his death the media went onto some other new story though they came back to Seto's death a few times still, as if finding it humourous to poke fun at him and coming up with many ways for the reason he committed suicide and be able to get away with it without his wrath bearing down on them.

 

As for his estate, some rich, pompous looking kind of guy didn't really like how the place looked and had it demolished so that his new mansion could be built upon it right after. How dare he... but what could I do to stop him? Also... walking past that place always gave me a cold, sick feeling in the pit of my stomach... now that the mansion was gone I wouldn't have that same awful feeling go through me... well unless I look at Domino River...

 

As for Seto's employees, some worked for the new rich guy while others found new jobs elsewhere.

 

And as for KaibaCorp, some other company bought it. I wasn't really sure on who did that but I think I remember reading in the newspaper that it was actually Maximillion Pegasus, owner and founder of Industrial Illusions, who purchased it.

 

And thus ended of what happened to great, glorious Seto Kaiba and soon a lot of people forgot about him or had fleeting memories of him. But did I think the same?

 

No, I didn't. I still remember him as if he were alive...

 

Sometimes I remember

The darkness of my past...

 

I remember going to his funeral a few days after the incident. Yugi and the others went too, looking very sad and dismayed at the departure of the young CEO. But not as sad as I was I bet...

 

Seto was buried next to his brother and like that other day when I went to his brother's funeral, this day too was full of wet snow, sleet and hail.

 

As everyone else left, I remained, not caring for the cold that was seeping through me. I looked over to where Mokuba's grave and a ghost like image of Seto was there, looking like he was talking and yelling harshly to someone, though I heard nothing. His stance was the same as it was when he was talking and yelling harshly to me...

 

And then he turned his gaze upon me, the anger leaving his face and just giving me an intent stare.

 

I closed my eyes and shook my head roughly before opening my eyes again, finding the ghost like figure of Seto still there before it finally disappeared before my eyes...

 

I was going mad.

 

Bringing back these memories

I wish I didn't have...

 

Back at school everything seemed to slowly go back to normal as well. Those Seto Kaiba fangirls that seemed to usually flock after him or gossip a lot about him moved on to the newest hot guy. They were like a drove of parasites, moving from one victim to the next.

 

Yugi and the others were also going back to their more cheerful, friendly selves yet they still thought about Seto and Mokuba now and then. Even though they didn't really talk to me about it, I knew they did. That they respected the two Kaiba brothers. I was glad that at least some people would remember them in a kinder way.

 

I trudged around the school like some mindless zombie, finding nothing really grabbing my attention or pulling me from this darkness... not that I wanted to be pulled away that is...

 

I decided to head outside to the school grounds where it was more peaceful then inside the school itself. There were a few people out here but none paid attention to me. Not that I blame them... I wasn't the most greatest person to hang around with right now...

 

A couple were stretched under one of the big cherry blossom trees. Even though it was winter and no flowers would bloom yet, those trees seemed to have that unearthly glow of spring already. The couple themselves were snuggling up to one another and kissing under this enchanted looking tree. I adverted my gaze as I walked by, but not only for the fact that I should give them privacy for their intimate moment, I looked away for that was the tree that myself and Seto usually sat under.

 

I finally directed myself to a bench that was near a great big, old oak tree... the bench that Seto and I usually sat on as well sometimes... I shook my head roughly, pushing that thought from my head as I sat down upon it, burrowing my face in my hands.

 

Sometimes I feel like I want to die after all of this stress I've been through but I know I can't... mostly for the fact that even if I did want to die, to kill myself, I would be a coward in doing it... giving it up at the last second... sometimes I wish I could be just as strong as Seto and do what I had to do... not being weak and pathetic like now... he was right in a way when he called me that countless times before.

 

I sensed someone walk up to me slowly, standing in front of me but I made no motion to raise my head to see who it is. I was too sad, depressed, wallowing in my own pain. The person stood for a few moments longer before they chose to sit beside me, close to me I might add as well.

 

“Please go away” I almost whispered, but loud enough so this person could hear.

 

They made no response and just sat beside me before wrapping an arm around my shoulders and pulling me closer to them. My cold, somewhat shivering body was now pressed up against a warm one. Their other arm soon wrapped around my waist and pulled me tighter against them so I was resting face first against this person's chest, realising it was a guy by how flat it was.

 

The hug felt so familiar yet new... yet I felt somewhat comforted and snuggled against the body, seeking the warmth and peace even more, which this guy gladly gave me, holding me even tighter.

 

Wanting to thank this person I raised my head so my eyes could meet his when suddenly I gasped in fear.

 

No... it can't be... but it is! Its him!

 

Its Seto!

 

Sometimes I think of letting go

And never looking back...

 

I can't believe it! He's actually holding me and it feels like he truly is flesh and blood! Quivering somewhat I looked into his eyes to which he looked back at me from those ghostly looking pale blue eyes of his. I searched them, trying to find any emotion but none whatsoever... as if that river he fell into froze him more then just his flesh...

 

I immediately started shoving against him, silently pleading and begging him to let me go. And he did.

 

I fell away from him and landed on my back on the cold hard ground. I groaned slightly before raising my eyes back to Seto's. He just stared at me for a moment longer, his cold blue eyes piercing deep into my soul before he disappeared into thin air, like the last time I saw him at his own funeral.

 

I started looking around wildly to see if anyone else outside with me had seen me. Some were not looking my way but those who were, including the couple under the cherry blossom tree were looking at me if I was crazy, wondering why in hell I just launched myself off the bench.

 

I slowly looked back at the bench, as if wondering if Seto would return, though he didn't... is it only me who can just see him?

 

As the school day continued I went from class to class, not really paying attention to anything the teachers were saying as I was mentally raking my brain, trying to figure why I saw him again. Am I just hallucinating? Maybe that's just it... also I haven't been eating that much lately and have grown fairly weak, that probably has something to do with it as well... yeah, that's probably it... but why does it feel that's not the only case?

 

As I trudged down the halls to my next class I soon saw him again. He was leaning against a wall, something that he usually did when he waited for me after class. Those cold, not angry though, but just cold looking blue eyes pierced right into my soul again and that's when I snapped.

 

“Will you stop following me around damnit?! I'm already falling apart thanks to you and what happened! Is this my punishment? To be haunted and tortured by you for the rest of my life?!” I screamed at him.

 

All other people talking in the halls stopped as they directed their attention towards me, wondering why in hell I was freaking out all of a sudden. Some were asking why the hell I was flipping out and to just shut up and keep walking.

 

“You wanna know why I'm freaking out?! Its because of him, Seto Kaiba!” I cried out as I pointed furiously to where he stood.

 

They looked to where I was pointing before they burst out laughing, making cold jokes, sneers and remarks at me.

 

“Kaiba's dead you idiot! I can't see how some wall can be that guy!” one guy snorted at me.

 

I blinked and then turned to where Seto was, leaning against that wall. But as I turned to face him my eyes widened and I gasped softly.

 

He was gone. All that was there was just a bare wall... as if nothing was ever there in the first place.

 

And never moving forward so

There would never be a past...

 

What's happening to me? Am I going crazy, insane? Totally losing my mind? The others certainly thought so and a teacher who was in the hall during my snapping moment sent me to the nurse to have me checked over.

 

She had asked me many questions, physical and emotional. Was I eating enough, sleeping enough, being stressed out a lot, stuff like that. Not wanting her to think I was a complete nutcase I agreed to most of her questions, saying I'm probably hallucinating. Satisfied with my answer she told me to go home, eat and get some rest and that she would tell my teachers of my whereabouts. After thanking her, I started to slowly walk back home through the cold winter air.

 

If I could change I would

Take back the pain I would

Retrace every wrong move that I made I would...

 

If I could just let go to these memories of Seto then I probably will be back to the once cheerful person I use to be. I bet I would be fine if I had done that and wouldn't be under all this self pity and mourning.

 

If I could stand up and take the blame I would

If I could take all the shame to the grave I would...

 

Yet as part of me wanted to let go, another part of me wouldn't. Technically I should keep this mourning and sadness inside of me. My actions caused the death of Seto Kaiba and I should suffer for it. But on the flipside, why should I? He never truly cared for me. He hurt me even too. He should be the one to suffer, not me.

 

But yet I was wrong. In some adverse way he did care... in that last phonecall... though he sounded like he was dead already, I could sense some care in those words...

 

If I could change I would

Take back the pain I would

Retrace every wrong move that I made I would...

 

I shouldn't blame him for his actions that he unleashed upon me. Some would probably say I should, but in my opinion I shouldn't. He has been put under great deal of stress, from the day his parents died to the day he and Mokuba were adopted by Gozaburo, to Mokuba's death and finally to Seto's own suicide. Some may say it was Seto's own undoing but it wasn't. He was a man in a great amount of stress, pain and anguish and I could have at least helped him out of it... and yet... I didn't.

 

If I could stand up and take the blame I would

I would take all my shame to the grave...

 

As I continued walking back home I soon realised that someone was following behind me. The person was walking somewhat rapidly and I assumed by the sound of the footsteps that they had somewhere important to go to. So without looking back, I moved further to the side so they could pass me quite easily.

 

However as the person got closer to me, instead of passing me, they just stayed behind me, slowing their pace down to mine. Guess they weren't in such a hurry after all. Deciding on why they were taking their time, I turned around to just glance at this person. But when I did I froze in my tracks, going pale.

 

Oh no... not again...

 

It's easier to run

Replacing this pain with something numb

It's so much easier to go

Than face all this pain here all alone...

 

It was Seto, again! I can't believe this!

 

He had stopped walking as I did and just stared at me intently with those cold blue eyes of his. I could feel his gaze go right into my soul and even further, as if slowly luring me yet terrifying me with his presence.

 

I closed my eyes for a moment and rubbed them hard before reopening again, waiting for him to disappear. But he didn't.

 

I stared at him more and he at me. The terror within me rising to great heights. The beat of my heart quickening with each blink of his eyes. Swallowing hard I turned around and started running full throttle away from him.

 

Slipping and skidding along the random patches of ice along the sidewalk I kept on running, glancing behind me every now and then to see if he was following. And he most certainly did. Running behind me and closing in fast.

 

“Stop it! Please leave me alone! You're killing me here! Please! Just go!” I shrieked at him and yet he did not heed my call as he continued to follow me, his cold eyes dead set on me.

 

Turning sharply down a corner and then another, my house was soon coming fast in sight. Without daring to look back again, knowing if I did he would have a chance to catch me, I put on a last burst of speed and dashed up my driveway and then skidded to a stop in front of the door.

 

Fumbling for the right key I started to try to get it into the keyhole, begging it to go in and turn while I could hear the distant sound of Seto's running footsteps closing in on me.

 

Finally the key slipped into the lock and turned and I thrust the door open quickly. Running inside and removing the key hurriedly from the lock I slammed the door shut behind me, locking all the locks again as I panted heavily and finally slipped down to the floor.

 

I waited as the minutes passed, straining to hear his breathing on the other side of the door. I listened to see if there was any pacing and got ready if there was a knock. But there was none.

 

Should I look? To do so scared me more but I must know if he's there or not. Summoning the remaining shreds of courage that I had, I slowly got up and peeked through the window in the door.

 

No one was there. No Seto. No ghost. No one at all.

 

Sighing in relief I slowly climbed the stairs to my bedroom. I must be hallucinating, losing my mind. But the hug at the bench felt so real and each gaze he gave me, from when he was leaning on the wall to when he was chasing me home and even at the funeral, it all felt so real...

 

Maybe the real Seto Kaiba has come back to haunt me. Or maybe it's my own fears of what happened to him that are consuming me by every waking moment of my everlasting pitiful life.

 

I have to stop thinking about him, no matter how much I believe I should. I need to relax. That's probably the sole reason of my anxiety. I need to just settle down and relax. I think a nice hot shower might solve the problem for me.

 

After stripping down in my room, I headed to the washroom and turned on the water in the shower, waiting for it to heat up immensely before stepping in, letting the hot water wash over me.

 

Just washing it aside

All of the helplessness inside...

 

I have to stop feeling so weak and pitiful. I have to stop thinking that I am a worthless human being. That's what Seto... no... the old Seto told me I was and he was right in many ways. I managed to prove to him that I wasn't helpless, pitiful and weak but now... after his suicide, I've reverted back to the old me. It isn't right and it definetly isn't fair.

 

However it wasn't right for Seto to take his own life thanks to my foolish actions. Even though I mostly take the blame for what happened to him, I still think he could have lived on. He might have been able to meet someone else who was better for him. Who would care for him too and be more considerate then I ever was. But then again, maybe he wasn't searching for someone else... maybe he just wanted me... and when he realised he couldn't have me... well... he ended whatever life he thought he had left.

 

Pretending I don't feel misplaced

Is so much simpler than change...

 

I sighed heavily. To live, to die, its one big neverending cycle. To choose an easier path... there is no such thing as an easy path or even a hard one. Life comes and goes... my life is still coming and Seto's is already gone...

 

Its not easy for anyone to live in a world where everything is different, where everything has different set of rules and laws... its not easy to just be you. Oh you could pretend you were like the rest... so much easier then to actually physically and emotionally change who you are emotionally. I bet Seto had tried to change. Maybe not voluntarily, but he did change and that change became the end of him in some ways... and it ended totally thanks to me...

 

After a few more minutes I finished washing up and turned off the water, stepping out of the shower stall and grabbed a towel, rubbing my body dry and slowly started to dry off my hair as I walked back into my room. I headed towards my bedside drawer, about to search for something when a cool air passed over me and I shivered. Did I leave the window open? Turning around I soon got my answer.

 

There was Seto again, and he looked more alive then ever yet dead as well... he was as nude as I was but that wasn't all that caught my attention. His skin was so pale that it glowed... like he was something magical and ethreal... and not only that but large, magnificent gleaming white feathered angel wings came from between his shoulder blades and were opened fully, showing their greatness.

 

And as for his eyes... oh the way he was looking at me... there was no anger... yet there was something more behind that stare that scared me. I don't know what it was... but the feeling terrified me.

 

He started to slowly walk up to me and I started to back up, scared stiff. As he got really close I bumped into my bed and fell upon it, dropping the towel I had in the process, leaving me rather exposed. Worried that he was going to hurt me I covered my face with my arms as I started to cry.

 

“Please don't hurt me... please” I whimpered.

 

He didn't reply but instead climbed up on me, hands and legs on either side of my frame. The tips of his wings brushed against my sides as he moves his hands down and grabs my arms gently, which I might add felt rather warm and soft to the touch, and he pulled them away from my face, gently laying them to the side as I looked into his eyes, shaking somewhat.

 

But the look he was giving me wasn't of coldness or anger... but of love and care... just from his gaze he was telling me that he forgave me and still cares for me. Maybe by becoming an angel he has changed back to who he truly was... a caring and loving person. Or maybe he was already caring and loving before he committed suicide and wanted to show it to me... but when I did come, it was far too late and the thought made me well with guilt.

 

“S-Seto, I'm so sorry, please, I didn't mean to hurt you-” I started apologising quickly but he placed a finger on my lips to hush me. He would say no words but through his actions it told me he didn't blame me, that in a way it was his own fault for scaring me so. Through his eyes I could tell he was also apologising to me for what he had done when he alive and scaring me so when he wasn't.

 

He then removed his finger and leaned down to kiss me passionately. I mewed at the warmth from his lips, feeling the cared and love pass through them. Meanwhile he was rubbing his soft, warm hands across my exposed body, running it over every corner of me. He soon released the kiss and just stared at me with those eyes full of care.

 

I reached up to gently stroke his soft warm face and to pet the white fluffy feathers of his angelic wings. The act caused him to almost laugh and he playfully swatted my hands away, obviously showing it somewhat tickled. Instead he rubbed the tips of his wings against my body and face, to which I laughed and squirmed from the warm, fluffy yet ticklish contact.

 

I didn't feel so alone now that he is here. I felt truly at peace, that being with Seto was where I belonged. But just as that pleasant thought entered my head, another sadder one soon came after.

 

If he's an angel... he probably can't stay for very long... wherever he came from being heaven or who knows where else... he would probably have to soon return to, leaving me here... all alone... leaving me here to mourn and feel guilty for his departure again...

 

Leaving me here... all alone...

 

It's easier to run

Replacing this pain with something numb

It's so much easier to go

Than face all this pain here all alone...

 

I don't want to be alone.

 

“I don't want you to leave Seto... I know its thanks to me that you're not alive anymore, and even though you're visiting me now I have a feeling you have to go back... and... I don't want to be left alone... I want to be with you!” I sobbed, wrapping my arms around his neck as tears streamed down my cheeks.

 

He gently pried my arms from around his neck so I could look into his eyes. And the look he was giving me... said that he wasn't planning to leave me... but to take me with him...

 

“But how? I'm alive aren't I and I can only go if I'm dead and I probably won't die for a long time-” I started to say but stopped as he lifted an arm and pointed to the directon of my bathroom. I followed his gaze as he was pointing through the still open door, indicating to me to look at a specific something.

 

And soon my gaze landed on the first drawer.

 

It's easier to run...

 

Now I knew what he meant. And yet I was scared. But Seto gave me a reassuring rub on the shoulder that he will be with me and won't leave my side till the deed is done.

 

Moving over so I could get up, I slowly walked over to the bathroom and opened the drawer slowly, where inside layed a small knife.

 

If I could change I would

Take back the pain I would

Retrace every wrong move that I made...

 

I lifted the knife out of the drawer and closed it before looking at the sharp, gleaming blade. One rightfully aimed stab and it would all be over. No one would look for me, no one else cared for me except Seto now. When they do find out where I am, I shall be long gone by then... all they would find would be an empty shell...

 

But as I pulled the blade closer to me, one thing ran through my head and it filled me with fear. I can't do this as much as I want too... I can't kill myself... I am too scared to commit the act...

 

I am a coward.

 

It's easier to go...

 

But yet... what's holding me to stay here? Only with one deadly motion and I'll be free... free to be with Seto where he has gone... but I am too scared to commit the act... I'm not as brave as Seto when it comes to taking my own life...

 

Sensing my distress, Seto came up behind my, wrapping his arms and wings around me and by looking at the mirror I could tell from his gaze that he was asking what is wrong.

 

“I'm too scared Seto... I want to be with you... I really do... but I'm too scared to commit the act of killing myself... I wasn't as brave as you...” I said, then regretted the last part, knowing that he might not want to talk about it. But he squeezed me tighter and I looked at his reflection to catch the next response from his gaze, being that he was asking me what I was so afraid of.

 

“I guess I'm scared to feel the pain of dying” I said quietly.

 

Smiling softly, he placed one of his hands over the part of my chest where my heart lay underneath. And by his gaze he said he will take the pain away from when I stab myself. And before I could even ask it, like he knew what was coming next, his gaze showed that the blade will not harm his hand, just go through it as if it were not real.

 

I was still nervous but seeing that Seto was going to be with me when I commit this act... I shall do it.

 

Quivering somewhat yet full of determination I placed the tip of the blade through his hand, which indeed felt like it wasn't there as he showed me, and then rested it over my heart.

 

If could change I would

Take back the pain I would

Retrace every wrong move that I made I would

If I could stand up and take the blame I would

I would take all my shame to the grave...

 

I then plunged the blade into my heart, twisting it as I did so.

 

Instead of feeling pain, I felt lightheaded and very dizzy. If Seto wasn't holding me I would have fallen over. And by looking in the mirror and seeing the reflection of my blood dribbling down my front from the wound, I would have probably passed out already, but thankfully I didn't yet.

 

Seto gently supported me as he led me back into my bedroom and laid me gently on the bed. He removed his hand from where it covered my bleeding heart, even though no blood was on his hand. Even as he removed I still felt no pain, as he kept true to his word.

 

My limbs felt weak and the hand holding the blade slipped and fell to the side, as if it was too heavy to hold up again. But it was Seto's presence and especially his gaze that were helping me to not faint yet.

 

From his loving gaze he told me he will still be with me when my eyes close and I am dead. But when I shall open them again, he will still be here with me to greet me in the new world. And as he rubbed one of his warm soft hands against the side of my face, my eyes soon closed as I died...

 

It is most certainly easier to go... and that's what I just did... I left all of my pain and went... to be with the one I truly cared for. And when I would wake again, the one who cares for me shall be there, waiting with open arms...