Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Lost Lights ❯ Frozen Loneliness ( Prologue )

Disclaimer: The characters used in this story are not mine and I am not writing this for profit, either. Yu-Gi-Oh was created by and belongs to Kazuki Takahashi (worship him).

 

Prologue - Frozen Loneliness

Do you believe in destiny?

Such a question is nothing new; many people have been asked it, and everyone could give an answer. Maybe they would say “yes,” maybe “no,” or even “I don't care.”

And most people don't really need to know, because they have more important things to do than wonder if there is such a thing as destiny or fate.

But...what if there is?

What if there isn't?

And what if there should have been, but was stolen from you, even before you knew it...?

In this case, what would you do?

In this case, it is quite possible that you would be lost.

Lost - left alone - unbalanced - torn in half, even if you hadn't been complete to begin with.

You could hope for help, but what if that hope was foolish? Would you be forced to live a life you never wanted to have?

Could you even do a thing?

So many questions out of that overused one in the beginning... But yes, you could always do one thing.

You could at least keep on fighting.

 

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The night wasn't over yet, so the overcast sky was still very dark. The wind was cold, despite the fact that Autumn was officially going to start many days later. At this early hour, almost everybody was asleep - maybe absolutely everybody, except one person...

 

Ryou Bakura woke up just the way he hated the most - from a horrible dream, in a pool of cold sweat, feeling helpless and, on top of all that, a little past four in the morning. And the reality which he had awoken into could easily be confused with another nightmare...even though the first impression didn't seem to be so bad. That made it all even worse.

 

He shivered. He was sure that he was cold, but unsure of the reason. Was it because of the air in the unheated flat, or because of the everlasting heavy solitude that plagued him? Ryou would rather believe the first theory, but he had a haunting feeling that it wasn't the full truth. He wrapped the sheets tighter around his body anyway, again trying to convince himself that it was the warmth he wanted, not the false sense of security the blanket gave him.

 

For a while, Ryou lay motionless, thinking about his life. Every night was the same to him - dark, frightening...and then it turned into another monotonously passing day, boring and meaningless. Over and over again, without a pause, without an exception. This routine was so tedious that he often thought about willingly ending it, but something in his mind kept him alive. He always shoved the dangerous thoughts aside, always prevented himself from any serious attempt to leave without a possibility of coming back. It just wasn't right to give up - it would mean losing to himself. Of course he had no desire to have such a dull, uninteresting, hopeless life...but the last remnants of his will to change it made him want to try again.

 

Ryou used to have a lot of ideals and dreams, but nobody had ever granted him any of them. All the people he knew could only exploit or ignore him. Whenever someone was friendly with him, the real (most likely egoistic) reason behind it was revealed soon. After a few of such happenings Ryou learned to hide his true feelings, wishes and fears behind his usual polite smile, and never let any of his classmates or wannabe friends get too close to him. He was well aware of the loneliness he had condemned himself to, but in his opinion it was better than to be hurt again. At least it was just himself who was hurting him now...

 

Looks like I turn eighteen today, Ryou thought bitterly. He closed his eyes, only to see the darkness behind his eyelids instead of the darkness in his cold room. It was his birthday today, September 2, but it didn't make him the slightest bit happy. In fact, he just didn't realize he was supposed to celebrate, he didn't care. To him, it was just the end of one annoying year and the start of the next one. Nothing more, nothing less. Now Ryou only wanted to fall asleep again...but as every morning, he couldn't. After half an hour of desperate and fruitless effort he stopped trying.

I can have a nap at school anyway, he decided finally. He had good grades, a lot better than average, but he wasn't even mildly interested in any subject. He knew that with a little enthusiasm he would be the best in his class, but he had no motivation - and he didn't give a damn. There on the hard wooden desk, which was in places defaced by some undoubtedly intelligent student, he even managed to sleep peacefully. And if the bell announcing the end of the lesson didn't wake him up, some `kind' person would surely do this job instead (although in a bit less pleasant style). Maybe Ryou should concentrate on the lectures more, he would graduate in months, but the annoying babbling of most of the teachers irritated him - it constantly reminded him of his own life...which he didn't like, but masochistically forced himself to live.

 

Ryou tried to think about something else than this, but he continued to drown in his common pessimism. And I used to look forward to my birthday, he reminisced in a sudden fit of melancholy. He checked his alarm clock, finding out he still had plenty of time, closed his eyes again, and remembered...

 

He'd had this strange feeling all day. It was more like an expectation that something important was about to happen, something that would change his life forever. Maybe he would get some special present or meet someone amazing... Ever since the morning he had been all anxious and jumpy, felt such great tension...something good had to happen today!

 

In the evening, Ryou's dad came home, which was a rare thing in itself. He had just returned from one of his archaeological expeditions to Egypt. Ryou couldn't help but welcome him with a happy smile. He was sure that his all-day-long mysterious presentiment would be explained now.

 

“Hi, Dad!” Ryou greeted his long absent parent impatiently.

 

“Hi, Ryou. Happy birthday,” his father replied in a tired but kind voice. Ryou hadn't heard him talk like this for a long time, so there had to be a reason...

 

Now...now it will happen...! Sure it will!

 

Ryou stretched his hands out, awaiting the birthday gift he unknowingly desired...

 

“I'm sorry, Ryou, I didn't get you anything...” His father's apologetic voice was like an unexpected, harsh blow to the listener. Ryou's dark brown eyes opened in shock, staring at the man in quiet accusation. The following sentences made his disappointment even harder to bear: “I thought I'd bring you some nice artifact - either from the digs or from the market - but we weren't lucky, my team hasn't found anything recently. And I didn't see any jewels or interesting items at the market, either - just nothing.” With that said, Ryou's father sat down at the table and quickly started eating his dinner. He wasn't paying attention to his son anymore - there was no way he would notice the sadness reflected in the soft brown eyes.

 

And then, nothing else happened.

 

Since that day Ryou had known there was something terribly wrong. He had wasted his only chance for something he didn't even know, but he was missing it so much... Now he had no family - his mother and sister were no longer alive and his father cared only for his work. Ryou's life had changed into that bad dream he couldn't wake up from, full of feelings he couldn't escape - regret, disillusionment, loneliness, fear, sorrow...and a strange sense of being incomplete.

 

He was sure that if the event he had expected on his birthday so long ago had happened, everything would have been entirely different. Most certainly not this pointless... Ryou knew for a fact that he'd never stop grieving for his lost chance to get what or who he had been denied to accept into his life. No matter what, this kind of pain would never vanish completely.

 

However, he was screaming for help in the privacy of his mind. He was alone, so totally alone... He craved someone to talk to, someone to understand, someone he could trust... No, not a substitute! The only thing he asked for was just a bit of comfort.

 

“Just comfort...” Ryou whispered, his voice echoing in the silent dawn all around him.

 

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So much for this prologue thingy. I tried to make it clear what (or more appropriately, who) Ryou is missing and why his destiny remained unfulfilled. The story itself will start in the next chapter, this was just to describe Ryou's current situation.
Even so, I would GREATLY appreciate reviews...tell me what you think of this so far...I do care! ^_~