Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ L'Amoreux (My Kitsunep4) ❯ L'Amoreux ( Chapter 10 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

L'Amoreux 10 (NYC 11-22-02)

"Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the self same well from which your laughter arises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
... is not the lute that soothes your spirit the very wood that was hollowed with knives?
When you are sorrowful, look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight..."

-The Prophet: Kahlil Gibran


Kurama passed by a drug store to buy something before
we went back to the hotel. We are in the elevators
going up to our rooms and there are two ningens with
us who stared at Kurama's face in the mirrored doors
then looked down at me with a frown. Everywhere we
went people looked at his beauty, his grace, and my
hand prints on his cheeks.

I had wanted to punch him in the face but I was being
considerate.

Everyone who looked knew that it was I who hurt him,
the cashier in the drugstore, the lady stocking the
shelves, the guards at the hotel entrance, people we
passed by...

It couldn't be helped because people kept turning to
looking at him. His hair advertised by his height is
like a loud neon sign that draws attention to him. You
know how he looks like, you know how well built he is,
and once you get pass that you have to pause and take
in his belly button, and the rise of his hip bones
visible under his knitted sweater that seems to be a
little too short for his torso and his pants that are
a little too low on his waist. That sweater is also
wide around his neck showing his collar bones and
parts of his chest. Those dirty looking pants hug his
thighs and hips, it looks frayed and fits him too
well. It will make you wish he wasn't wearing a coat
so you can see his butt, that is, if you can take your
eyes off his front.

I'm not in the mood to think about that particular
part of his anatomy right now. But needless to say, if
he wasn't mine already I'd go crazy trying to keep
those lustful looks away from him.

Why the hell does he have to dress like that? Is he
doing that for me? Does he know I like showing him
off? I don't begrudge him his choice in clothing, like
I said, he's mine and I trust him completely.

I told Shuichi that and I had to tell the Youko the
same thing.

I was finally able to name and know that darkness I
saw in him over a week ago.

Hn, that felt so long and so far away it's like a
lifetime separated me from that Kurama. It alarmed me
when I saw that shadow stealing in to drown my Youko's
light and I couldn't help him because his anger was
too close to the surface. I watched it eclipse my
Kurama and it forced me to acknowledged the despair he
fed me from his thoughts.

His eyes right now, did not look as desperate,
hopeless or as empty as back then but I can see in
them his struggle to shake off that moment in the
alley.

He also seems more... stable.

I think, he was close to falling over some precipice
in his own mind. His cold viscious nature was there
just waiting for a reason to come out. I remmebered
Hong Kong then and the cold eyes that looked at me,
blood on his lips, the gore on his fingers, the way
his brows went up and concern changed the light in his
eyes.

That cold kiss tasting me, when Kurama was drifting
as he tried to make love to me... I put 2 and 2
together.

They were right to name him Silent. He lurks in the
back of his mind, waiting to pounce and take over when
Shuichi or the Youko becomes unstable. He can do it
without either of them being aware too. This last
facet of his personality, is the personification of
his true demon self, the cold predator that lived and
survived in the Makai for more than 400 years.

My insight into the Silent One's personality made me
grunt.

I felt Kurama's hand on my shoulder, I looked up and
he raised brows in query. I shook my head a little and
squeezed his hand to assure him.

I see... so that's why the Youko can laugh and cry
and care for me. Shuichi had Shiori to teach him, but
20 years won't break the habit of 400 years of living
in the demon world.

Hn,I think I have to thank him some how. If it wasn't
for him I wouldn't have my kind Youko or my loving
Shuichi. Saying I want my gentle Youko back was
unfair, he is a part of Kurama, they share that one
body. I-I don't know what will happen if he does get
out but... I wish I could know that part of him
better, he is Kurama after all.

But right now what can I do to make him smile again?

He found a fatal flaw in his plans and that flaw made
him realize I could die. I have always known, I have
accepted that as my fate, he made me angry, blaming
himself for something I participated in. He actually
thought of knocking me out and leaving me behind.

I got angry because he wanted this to not have
happened. THIS, what we have right now, is the best
thing thats ever happened to my entire life. It's
payback for the shit I went through growing up, he is
the one good thing in my life and he wished this never
happened. I deserve this,I deserve him, I want this
life!

Dammit, I will keep repeating myself if necessary. I
do not regret anything, this is all worth it, no
matter how it ends. Even now my worrying over his
psychological well-being has taken the edge off my own
anger and my own frustrations. Never mind me, Kurama
is going to face a crowd in an hour or so and his
'light' had been blown out.

I don't know how else to describe it. My Youko shines
when he's happy, it's like... this sounds stupid but,
when he smiles and he's happy I feel like sunshine is
warming me up from within, and when he's not, like
right now, he looks hard and cold and I feel... bleak.

I want to make him happy, I need him to be happy, I
want to show him that no matter what, I will always be
there for him. He has chosen me and I have chosen him
and our kind mate for life. I hate repeating myself
but I will, just to make sure he gets it.

Che, he blames me for his stubborness, he was
stubborn to begin with.

And from him I learned the meaning of despair. The
darkness that was eating him rushed towards me along
with his thoughts and I was powerless againt it. It...
paralyzed me, drained my will, I looked to him for
hope, for courage but his eyes were just like mine. He
too was seeking my courage.

The fact that he needed me right then made me
stronger. I will protect Kurama, I will fight for what
is mine. I don't give a damn what it costs me, I can't
be without him.

It's sheer lunancy, this desperate dependence, this
desire, this need to be owned, wanted, and loved. But
I want this to last forever and I will do everything
in my power to make it last.

Kurama's plans were not totally ruined, but instead
of spending years in hiding we were suddently under
the mercy of Enma's timing. He could find us anytime
he wants to. He always could, but I'm sure Kurama had
a plan to make sure the rest of his pursuers would
think we were gone. My Kitsune is brilliant he did
manage to elude Koenma for 14 years.

Hn, the two of us against a god, if anything, it
should be an interesting battle. I hope... I hope
Yusuke won't get involved because I won't hold back
and Kurama won't either. I felt it, something in him
gave in and his last embrace though loose and
unconfining, was somehow deeper, more intense than any
of his previous touches.

I realized we have reached a new depth in our
relationship and now, we have a timer ticking
somewhere that could go off anytime. I wanted to shout
and be angry at someone, I wanted to destroy
something, but Kurama needed me to be there, he
needed me sane, and not blind with fury.

And the Youko cried... he really cried, not because
he's happy or deeply touched, he cried because he hurt
from within. It was like the first time I saw him cry
after I told him my story and why he shouldn't love
me.

He fought against the tears but in the end he wept
like a bereft man in my arms. That was when the last
persona settled down and became dormant once more. The
Youko's pain shut my own throat, I felt like someone
plunged a knife into my heart and started twisting it
slowly.

It hurt me because he's a part of me, I want to
protect him from this pain but I can't, I don't even
know what to do myself. I want him to comfort me, I
want him to assure me and tell me it's going to be
alright but... he's just like me, his distress was so
great I heard some of his thoughts like they were my
own.

I'm no good at comforting, I'm learning, I called him
beloved I called him my husband, I meant each one, I
held him to me, I cast my own anger aside and offered
myself to his pain.

And slapped him when he wished we'd never loved each
other this way. I would have knocked him out with my
fist but I didn't want to mar his beauty hours before
he needs to appear before hundreds. I tried healing
his cheeks, the welts won't last long.

My husband holds his head high not caring that his
cheeks have my fingers on them. He puts an arm around
my shoulders as our floor came up and politely excused
us from the other two humans in the elevator.

He's late but he insisted on coming here first. He
opened the door with his key card and went straight
for the closet. He had hung our suits so they won't be
wrinkly but he never got around to really unpacking
the rest of our clothes, he looked through my clothes
in the closet and got my suit out. He laid them on the
bed carefully and then went to me.

He paused before he reached out and took my shoulders
with his big hands, then he kneeled down. He pulled
aside my collar to touched the 2 tear gems on my
throat and the strip of leather they are attached to.
He came close without saying anything and buried his
nose in my hair. I sighed and put my arms around his
neck.

"We need to talk." He can't go out like this, it's
not about luring that Yoshira anymore. I want the
world to see my Kitsune in his glory, I want them to
see his grace, his smile.

I don't want this shadow dimming his light.

He's taking my scent, his nose brushed my neck
sending gooseflesh down my spine "You smell wonderful,
your scent makes me feel warm and safe." but his smile
wasn't the one I wanted. He stood up, took my hand and
led me to the couches. He made me sit down as he knelt
in front of me again and looked up. "Yes love? What
did you want to say?"

I buried my nose in his hair "Your scent soothes the
burning in me." I held his cheeks "I'm going to repeat
myself, your alive, I'm alive, we have time, clear
your mind and take every minuite as it comes with...
"I paused looking for the word.

"Hm? With an open heart and a smile of gratitude?" he
asked.

"Yes. exactly."

"I know, those are my lines but, " he laid his head
on my lap. "right now it's easier said than done, I
just need a little time love."

"How can I make you smile again?" I asked as I
stroked his silken silver hair and fondled his warm
fuzzy ears. He sighed and I felt him smile, it's still
not the smile I'm looking for but it was an
improvement. "I'm no good at this."

"You make me smile Hiei." His arms went around my
hips, and he nuzzled my belly.

"Your mine Youko Kurama." I licked his ear and I
felt him sigh with contentment. "I want them to see
you shine." I took a deep breath of his scent, it
reminded me strongly of great pine forests straddling
a mighty range of mountains. The spicy ancient green
scent of the trees, the cool musk of the earth, the
clean none smell of snow, and roses, deep red roses.

He smells so good I wanted to bite him, to mark him
with my teeth, to own this flesh like I own Shuichi's.
I had marked him thrice, it shows how much I favor
him. But then I am reminded of how he never returned
the favor, my own skin remaind clear of his mark.

I don't need that, it's like those tokens humans give
to each other to remind them of their lover. Sure,
mating marks have deeper meaning but we don't really
need that. I trust Kurama, it's just a stupid symbol
anyways, and besides Youko's don't do that.

"When they look at you and dream of you, when they
gasp and stare, when they swoon over you, I feel
proud." I licked his ear, lowering my voice to a bare
whisper.

"Hiei." he whispered back, pushing his head to my
stomach "Stop that, your going to make me cry, my eyes
are getting puffy and I have a show in 2 hours." he
whined.

I chuckled "You seem to need words of assurances,
koiishi, I'm not really that good with it."

"You rarely say anything, so when you do say
something, it means a lot." He said, he looked up at
me "I know what you want baby, don't worry I'll get
there, I just need a little time, that's why I
insisted on coming here first." he kissed my lips, I
realized that ever since I've refused him tounge he's
been avoiding it.

I had taken my teargem out while we were in the alley
because I knew I will need to kiss Kurama. It's still
in my vest pocket.

Ch, I really should find a better hiding place for
this gem.

"I'm... anxious, that's all." I replied my lips still
pressed to his. I pushed my tounge between his teeth
to taste him and he let me.

He smiled while I coaxed his tounge to play with me
"Hmmm don't worry baby, it's going to be alright." he
breathed into me our lips still caressing. I put an
arm around his neck and clutched a handful of his
hair. "No need to be anxious, I'll be alright." he
smiled as I sucked on his lower lip, I pulled at it as
I backed away and let it go with a snap. He snorted.

"That's better." I said as I brushed my fingers over
his smile, it's almost there now, I can almost feel
the warmth inside me.

"What about you? Your taking this really well." he
asked, the last statement was almost a question.

"I was angry, I wanted to blow a crater in this city
as big as the pain I felt for you. But... I worried
about you so I put that aside."

His brows went up and a twinkle of mischief made it's
way into his golden eyes "How big a crater are we
talking about here?"

I took a deep breath and tried to compare sizes, I
touched the memory of Kurama in tears holding on to me
and instantly felt a rage build inside me.

Kurama gasped, he made a trail of kisses from my lips
to my neck and pulled me close. He started rocking me
as he rubbed soothing circles on my back.

"Hush, shhh, it's alright baby, shhh calm down,
that's it, shhh. I'm alright baby, it's alright,
everything will be alright, we'll work it out somehow
and we'll be fine." His soft tenor murmured nonsense,
his touch...

I felt like he unplugged me, the rage just died and I
melted into him. I sighed heavily, left the couch and
made myself fit the curve of his body. He sighed and
pressed me close to his chest, then he gave my Jagan a
chaste kiss.

"Hm! I just saved New York city and half the entire
east coast. I deserve a medal I think?" and his smile,
even if I never saw it made me smile.

I nuzzled his chest, cherishing this barrier of flesh
that separated our souls, and his arms were a haven I
felt I've been looking for all my life. His lips and
his fingers brushed my hair and my temple soothing me
in ways I couldn't explain. "Tomorrow let's not do
anything." he whispered. "I want to just stay here
with you. I want to just sit down and hold you close
to me, just like this. You feel so right in my arms."

"I'd like that." I licked his neck to get a taste of
his skin and untangled myself from him. I sat back on
the couch then in a stern voice I said "Your late."

"Hm? Don't worry, they'll wait." he said with an
impish smile as he opened the collar of my shirt he
ran his nose along my neck "Besides, you owe me for
the slaps." his teeth took a bite of my skin, I gasped
but did not resist. I let him bite me deeper, I bared
my neck to him and let him show his dominance. I felt
skin break and I clenched my teeth against any sound I
might make. I've been hurt worse than this, this pain
is nothing but the significance of the act made me
want to laugh with delight. I sighed instead and
tilted my head away, offering myself and revelling in
the fact that Kurama is finally showing me his favor.

My mate is marking me, my one, my kitsune. He has
finally chosen to mark me, I-I can't believe how glad
I am.

He lapped at my wounds, I held him to my neck, he bit
me again and this time he ground his teeth, I cried
and held on to him.

This is what we do to mark our life mate, to show we
favor that special someone, not theYoukos. Youkos do
not mate for life, The Kyubi of old kept a harem and
marked each den with his youki and his scent. The rest
of the males have different partners every other week,
so they do not mark their conquests.

He pulled away then, his lips crimson with my blood
"Your mine now Hiei, for life." he said. I was gasping
by then, clinging to his shirt like I was falling.
That wound is going to scar bad, I know, I could feel
my youki running to heal the damage.

I smirked at him "Hn. Baka, that hurt." I touched the
alabaster column of his neck I have marked Shuichi's
body many times but not this one. I ran a finger down
to where his sweater exposed his collarbone, then
paused to think. "Your going to be changing clothes
often in the next hour." I remarked.

"So?" he said defiantly as he came closer again. I
licked his lips I tasted my own blood on them and it
excited me.

Traditionally, mating marks are on places that can be
seen by all so everyone will know he's been claimed.
The size of the scar I will give him would have told
everyone in the Makai that a very small fire demon had
claimed the powerful Kurama. Hn, they would steer
clear of him because there's only one fire demon small
enough and powerful enough to stake that claim.

But we are not in the Makai.

I pushed him and he fell on his back, I was between
his legs before he could protest. I pulled on his belt
and unbuttoned his pants. The concentrated smell of
Kurama made me swallow hard several times.

He gasped in surprise but he helped me pull his pants
down, and my jaw fell when I saw his partially awake
member.

He's... huge, I had an idea because of his tight
pants but he had always cleverly hidden himself... I
looked up at the Youko who bit his lower lip and
shrugged. "It's alright, I don't want to waste anymore
time. Do what you want my love."

I laid a hand over him and felt him harden, he got so
much bigger with my touch. I have never... he looks
even bigger than Medo and he always tore me. I looked
at my wrist, then at the growing arousal in my hands.
Gods... they're almost the same girth and length and
he's not even fully aroused yet!

I shuddered with both fear and want.

But we don't have time for that, I don't want to make
love with him while being rushed like this, I want to
do this slowly and I want him to take his time with
me. Sex is out of the question, so I did the next best
thing. I did what he always does for me, what I've
been forced to do a long time ago and what I haven't
done for him since I claimed him.