Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monster GX Fan Fiction ❯ A Pirate Story ❯ Chapter 1

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

The characters of Yu-Gi-Oh! GX tell the clumsey love story of a cunning swabbie named Juudai and a beautiful princess named Asuka.

Inspired by a classic episode of Married With Children.

Anime/Manga: Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monster GX Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 07.16.2006 | Updated On: 07.16.2006 | Pages: 19 | Words: 13.9K | Visits: 1.7K | Status: Completed

A Yu-Gi-Oh! GX Pirate Story

By Mai Venus Chan

Full-length version

The Players:

Civilians:

Princess Asuka

Prince Fubuki/The Black Troubadour of the High Seas

Ladies in waiting to the Princess:

Lady Momoe

Lady Junko

Lady Tome

The Crew of the "Osiris":

Captain Daitokuji

Shou the Short (first mate)

Misawa the Logical(navigator)

Sloth-faced Hayato(crows' nest)

Juudai the Slacker(swabbie)

Cabin Boy-Girl(Rei)

Peg-legged Motegi(the lush/Cook)

Ayukawa(wench/lady pirate)

The Military:

Prince Ryou the Magnificent

The Crew of the 'Obelisk':

Chronos the Cruel(Captain)

Thunderfist Manjyome(First Mate)

The Deus ex Machina:

King Atem(Yami Yugi)

*There won't be any hentai in this story. There will be talk, but that's as far as it goes.

Scene 1: The Deck of the Osiris. Cornered at stage left are the prisoners all in chains: Prince Fubuki, Princess Asuka, Lady Momoe, Lady Junko, and Lady Tome. They are surrounded by Shou the Short, Misawa the Logical, and Cabin Boy-Girl. All pirates carry swords or guns.

Lady Junko: Unhand us you scoundrels!

Lady Momoe: You shall pay dearly when the Princess's fiancé Prince Ryou the Magnificent hears what you have done to his bride to be!

Daitokuji: [Capitan Daitokuji enters] Ahoy, mates! No torturing of the prisoners until they have been properly questioned.

Shou: The honorable Capitan Daitokuji is presiding!

Misawa: [to Fubuki] Tell us how ye came to be captured by us

Prince Fubuki: Very well, then, I, Prince Fubuki, shall tell you. [pulls out a guitar and sings] Now sit right back and you'll hear a tale/A tale of a fateful trip/It started from a Far-off port/Aboard this tiny ship/On board was a Lovely Princess and/The Prince was gorgeous too—

Princess Asuka: Get on with it!

Fubuki: Sorry. [ahem] We were on the high sea, embarking on a peaceful mission to bring my sister, Princess Asuka, to meet her betrothed, Prince Ryou the Magnificent, for the very first time. I was at the helm, following the path of love.

Asuka: In other words we were hopelessly lost.

Fubuki: Those who pursue a glorious destiny are not lost.

Lady Momoe: Ah, My Lady…is there anything your brother says that isn't romantic?

Asuka: Is there anything he says that isn't stupid?

Daitokuji: And then we overtook your ship. [to the crew]Now that that's settled, you may go forth and partake of the ladies.

Fubuki: I beseech you, sir! Please, spare my innocent sister!

Asuka: [sweetly] Brother!

Fubuki: She will bring you a much higher price as a virgin.

Asuka: [annoyed] Brother!

Daitokuji: Very well then. [Turns to Momoe and Junko] These other wenches are fair game.

Junko: [whispers to Asuka] Methinks those scurvy pirates carry nothing for us but social diseases.

Momoe: [winks at Misawa] Oh, please, gentleman, taketh me first!

Daitokuji: Wait a moment! You know my first mate, Shou the Short, always gets first pick!

Shou: [goes up to Momoe and Junko and giggles] I give you a choice, me beauties, kiss me or kiss the sharks!

Junko and Momoe: Abandon ship! [They jump off the side of the ship.]

Lady Tome: [goes to Shou] Whatever you say, Cutie. Let's get started! [Shou screams and throws Tome an anchor. She falls off the side of the ship.]

Daitokuji: [goes to Shou and places his hand on his shoulder] Shou, how many times must I tell you? Don't give them a choice!

Misawa: With all the ladies overboard, I feel too depressed to torture the final prisoner.

Daitokuji: I guess there's only one thing we can do with him. [to Fubuki] Young man, have you considered piracy?

Fubuki: Are there any benefits?

Daitokuji: We don't kill you.

Fubuki: I shall enlist!

Daitokuji: Good! From now on you are The Black Troubadour of the High Seas! Cabin Boy-Girl! [Rei steps forth]

Rei: Aye sir!

Daitokuji: Take our new recruit below deck so he can start filling out the necessary paperwork!

Rei: Aye-Aye Captain! [Rei and Fubuki exit]

Daitokuji: [goes to Asuka] And now, Princess, let us make you more comfortable. [to Misawa] Where is the Swabbie?

Juudai: [off-stage] Here, Captain! [Swabbie Juudai swings in on a rope. But he slips off, and falls to the floor where his shoe gets caught on Asuka's dress. Asuka loses her balance and falls, but Juudai, still on the floor, rolls over and catches her. Asuka is now lying on top of Juudai. Both are awestruck by each other.] Did I just get laid?

Asuka: [as though she can't say anything else] Who be…ye?

Juudai: I be Juudai the Slacker, future king of Pirates, and who might you be, Fairest Wench? [Misawa gasps]

Asuka: Never before have I, Princess Asuka, been called such a vile name, Swabbie. [she laughs] You have surely got balls!

Daitokuji: Swabbie, remove yourself from that compromising position and chain the princess to the mast!

Juudai: Aye sir! I'll chain her to the wall of our cabin!

Asuka: Huh?

Misawa: Huzzah! [he ducks away embarrassed]

Juudai: Bunk-mate, is this that `fair pin-up wench' that you always speak of longing for? [Shou, Misawa, and Asuka sigh]

Daitokuji: There will be no hanky-panky with the princess! Now do as I order you and chain the princess to the mast!

Juudai: Aye-Aye, Captain Sensei! [He helps Asuka up] Come, Gorgeous. You shall have the place of honor. [He chains her to the mast] How's that, M'Lady?

Asuka: What sayest you? I cannot move.

Juudai: Good! We wouldn't want you to fall over the side.

Asuka: [Aside] I see this swabbie is not the sharpest sword in the armory.

Juudai: [confused] A sword, m'Lady? I be a sword as much as you be said `pin-up wench.'

Asuka: [Aside] Like I said.

Daitokuji: Set Sail! Let us make haste, for we are deep in the waters of our mortal enemy, Chronos the Cruel. Navigator?

Misawa: Aye, sir?

Daitokuji: I thought that you said you had drawn us the perfect route which avoided enemy territory.

Misawa: That I did, Captain, but our look-out took no heed.

Daitokuji: [sighs] Obviously, Sloth faced Hayato is, once again, asleep at the crows nest. [to Misawa] Never mind then. Set course for our hideaway where ladies do our wishes for bags full of fishes.

Misawa: Aye-aye, Captain! [addressing the whole ship with a megaphone] Attention, crew men, this is your navigator speaking. In case of an emergency you may find several flotation devices resembling the Black Magician Wench inside Shou's cabin. Take care that you do not grab them by their buxoms for the plastic is wearing thin.

Scene 2: Same place, the next day. Fubuki, now dressed in black, wearing a mask and playing a guitar is about to lead the rest of the crew in song.

Fubuki: And so the captive princess wept as her abductors carried her into the high seas in chains.

Juudai: [he is blowing his nose and notices Asuka is crying. He takes the handkerchief that he was using and wipes her face with it.] Your face is all wet! [He calls off the side of the ship] Cease the splashing! The lady could catch a cold!

Asuka: In a tropical climate?

Fubuki: Presently, her thoughts were consumed with grief for the cruel fate of her brother.

Asuka: What are you talking about? I know it is you behind that mask.

Fubuki: [song: “With Cat-Like Tread” from The Pirates of Penzance. The music and original text can be found here: http://math.boisestate.edu/GaS/pirates/web_op/pirates25. html The music for this song starts at :55 on the midi file] With cat-like tread,/Upon our prey we steal;/In silence dread,/Our cautious way we feel./No sound at all,/We never speak a word,/A fly's foot-fall/Would be distinctly heard—

Daitokuji: So stealthily the pirate creeps/While all the household soundly sleeps.

All: [At 1:23 skip to 2:49 on the midi file] Come, friends, who plough the sea/

Misawa: Truce to navigation/

Shou: Take another station/

Rei: Let's vary piracee/

Juudai: With a little burglaree!/

All: With cat-like tread/Upon our prey we steal/In silence dread/Our cautious way we feel. [end of song]

Fubuki: Bravo Lads! Truly your singing has improved in the short time we have shared together.

Misawa: No, Bravo to you, Black Troubadour! Before you came aboard, the songs we sang were about nothing but quaffing mass quantities of ale. Speaking of which, where is Peg-Legged Motegi with our breakfast?

Shou: Exactly where we left him after last Friday's happy hour.

Misawa: Fine day for the cook to be hung over.

Juudai: Here, here! [Gestures to Asuka] What if our lovely guest should think of us as inhospitable. [They all sigh. Everyone else except for Juudai, Asuka and Fubuki exit.]

Asuka: Pardon me, Swabbie, but I am a prisoner and I am not hungry for your accursed liquor.

Juudai: Good thing you aren't. It's not very filling, and yet, after a few mugs no one seems to care…then we occupy our time vomiting and relieving ourselves over the side of the ship.

Fubuki: [strumming his guitar] The bottle be a harsher mistress than the sea!

Asuka: [sarcastically] How pleasant. No wonder no one eats here.

Juudai: That doesn't mean you should starve, Beautiful.

Asuka: Trust me, I'd rather starve than eat any of that maggot-infested gruel you call nourishment.

Juudai: Nonsense. [he searches his pants] Accept my seeds as a token of my good will.

Asuka: But I do not want your seeds inside of me.

Juudai: At least put them in your mouth. You may spit them out if they are too salty.

Asuka: No! I refuse your--[Juudai pulls something out of his pants and stuffs it in Asuka's mouth. Asuka swallows them whole.] Sunflower seeds? They are tasty!

Juudai: You should taste my tender meat log.

Asuka: [blushing a little] Uh, maybe later. Thank you for your seeds.

Juudai: No problem, I have heard it said that when you love a girl you give her your seeds.

Asuka: Swabbie, do you mean that you—[a loud crash that rocks the ship. Juudai falls backwards]

Voice of Hayato: Land Ho! No…wait…it's a ship. [Rei runs out from below deck and peers over at the ship they just hit]

Rei: Is that the sun? No! It is the glorious persona of a man who is handsome beyond words. [Ryou enters by swinging in on a rope with Junko and Momoe. Rei runs up and gazes in awe at him.]

Junko: Tremble in fear, repulsive pirates!

Momoe: The prince is in the vicinity!

Rei: Greetings, Prince Hottie. What can I do to you?

Ryou: [clearing his throat] Go and get your Captain, Boy, that I might pick a bone with him for kidnapping my bride to be.

Rei: Whatever you say, you hunk! [she exits]

Asuka: [Tome climbs aboard the ship and brings Ryou his sword] Lady Junko! Lady Momoe! I thought you dove overboard to kiss the sharks. [Junko and Momoe rush over to Asuka]

Junko: Whilst we swam for our lives to avoid being made a pirate's wench, we hailed the ship of your fiancé.

Asuka: My which?

Momoe and Junko: Prince Ryou the Magnificent!

Asuka: [she remembers] Oh, him! My prince has come to rescue me.

Ryou: [he finally sees Asuka. Seeing that she is in chains, he goes to her side] Fair damsel, are you my promised Princess Asuka?

Momoe: `Tis she, my prince! Go forth and release her from her bonds so that you may carry her away into yond sunset!

Juudai: [gets in between the prince and Asuka] Wait a second! First of all, it's 10am Mariner Standard Time so sunset is not for another few hours or so. And third, we captured her fair and square, who do you think you are just barging in here and taking her from us?

Ryou: I am rescuing my Princess, Swabbie.

Juudai: Then you shall have to get through me first. I'll fight a duel to the death for her!

Momoe: He is just a rude swabbie and yet, that's the most romantic gesture ever!

Juudai: A pirate's pride does not allow him to be robbed of his prize!

Junko: Crush him, my Prince! Make him cough blood!

Ryou: [the captain and the rest of the crew return to the deck] Hear this, my sea-going brethren. I am a man of justice and do not take pleasure in executions. My bride appears to be unhurt so I shall let you off with a warning. [Ryou releases Asuka from her chains. When she is free she swoons a little and throws up over the side of the ship.]

Tome: Oh, dear God! Not that!

Ryou: [in a sudden fit of rage] Did any of you scoundrels violate her?

Daitokuji: Oh no, sir! I refused to let any of the men touch her. She is probably just motion sick from the harsh waves and weak from the lack of food.

Juudai: But I didn't let her starve although she wished to.

Ryou: Did you now, Swabbie?

Juudai: Yes, I practically had to force my seeds inside of her.

Ryou: [grabs Juudai by the collar and holds a sword to Juudai's throat.] What else did you do with the Princess?

Juudai: Nothing, I barely touched her…except for when I laid with her on the deck yesterday. Is that your meaning of violate?

Ryou: May Osiris have mercy on your soul! [Ryou punches Juudai. Asuka screams. To Asuka as he helps her up and wraps her in his cape.] Forgive my brutality in the presence of my lady.

Asuka: But, my lord…

Ryou: I know, this Philistine did you wrong and he deserves the worst.

Asuka: But, my lord…

Ryou: Do not let such a beautiful face be tainted with hatred.

Asuka: But, my lord…

Ryou: Soon we shall hang him and leave his remains for the lowly scavenger birds.

Juudai: Hang me? You mean I am going to become the pin-up wench in your stead m'lady?

Asuka: No, you cannot! I LOVE HIM! [Everyone gasps and stares at her. She can't believe that she said something like that] I mean, I--

Ryou: [to Momoe and Junko] Take my bride below deck and get her something to eat. It is clear that the hunger has caused a temporary case of Stockholm Syndrome. [Momoe and Junko obey as they leave, Momoe speaks:]

Momoe: [to Asuka] So, what was it like?

Ryou: The rest of you, set sail for the nearest Military outpost so that we may do away with this lecherous fiend! [Juudai is chained to the mast]

Scene 3: That night/Same place: Ryou and Asuka, arm in arm, stand in silence as they watch the waves together. Even though Ryou doesn't seem to mind, Asuka seems bored with the lack of conversation. Besides Ryou and Asuka, the only other people on deck are Juudai who is fast asleep chained to the mast, Fubuki still sitting on his post and Wench Ayukawa dressed in breeches.

Fubuki: [He is, once again, playing his guitar. This time he is playing “That's Amore.” He speaks as he plays] Such a beautiful sight seeing lovers stand there doing absolutely nothing. Fair princess, if you do not want to spend the rest of your life bored to tears, I strongly suggest you start a conversation.

Asuka: So, do you like…stuff?

Ryou: Pardon me?

Asuka: Oh, nothing.

Fubuki: Well, that was pathetic.

Asuka: Shut-up!

Ryou: Princess?

Asuka: Nothing.

Fubuki: It seems you are distracted by your grief for your lost brother.

Asuka: How can I grieve when you are right there?

Ryou: You are happy with me then?

Fubuki: Then perhaps you are thinking of your swabbie-lover?

Asuka: I AM NOT!

Ryou: I am sorry.

Asuka: That's not what I—

Ryou: Sometimes when I keep watch over the sea to ensure that the ones I care for are safe, I forget that the ones I care for are really the ones I should keep watch over. [he takes her hands] In fact, if I may speak freely--[he notices that Juudai has awoken and Rei has crept on deck and is spying on them] What is this urchin of dubious sexuality and why dost it look upon me so amorously? Seriously, it's creeping me out.

Juudai: That is the Cabin Boy-Girl.

Fubuki: Odd how no one can tell she is a girl.

Ayukawa: Not really. I have fooled half these brutes into believing that I am a man, but the other half knows I am a woman! [ba-dum-ching]

Rei: [running up to Ryou] My prince, I shall prove to you that I am no boy! [she unbuttons her blouse and flashes her chest to Ryou]

Ryou: How? [Asuka is taken aback]

Asuka: Now see here you little—[but she is interrupted by a loud crash that knocks her overboard]

Juudai: Asuka! This wouldn't have happened if you had just chained her to the mast as we did!

Voice of Hayato: Enemy ship ahead! [All hands run on to the deck. Hayato even climbs down from the crows nest.] I hope this doesn't come out of my paycheck.

Shou: It's the terror of the seven seas!

Misawa: It's the feared King of the Pirates! [Rei grabs Ryou's arm]

Daitokuji: It is the busiest pirate in show business: Chronos the Cruel! [Chronos swings aboard the ship on a rope carrying Asuka. She shrieks and crawls away.]

Chronos: Wallow in fear, pathetic Osiris pirates, as I, Chronos the Cruel, Captain of the Obelisk and Reigning King of Pirates, blow your ship from the water with my unique stylings of Gilbert and Sullivan!

Misawa: So, it's a duel you want, then? Troubadour, help me show this imposter who the true genius of the seven seas is! [Fubuki strikes up a tune on his guitar. A duel/song. “I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major General” from The Pirates of Penzance. The music for this song can be found here: http://math.boisestate.edu/GaS/pirates/web_op/pirates13. html This song should be sung VERY FAST:]

I am the very model of a Navigator-General,

I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral,

I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical

From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical;

I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical,

I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical,

About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news -

With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse.

Osiris Pirates:

With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse,

With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypoten- potenuse.

Misawa:

I'm very good at integral and differential calculus;

I know the scientific names of beings animalculous:

In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,

I am the very model of a Navigator-General.

Osiris pirates:

In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,

He is the very model of a Navigator-General.

Chronos: [speaks] HA! You dare to take on Chronos the Cruel![sings:]

I know our mythic history, King Arthur's and Sir Caradoc's;

I answer hard acrostics, I've a pretty taste for paradox,

I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus,

In conics I can floor peculiarities parabolous;

I can tell undoubted Raphaels from Gerard Dows and Zoffanies,

I know the croaking chorus from the Frogs of Aristophanes!

Then I can hum a fugue of which I've heard the music's din afore,

And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore.

[The music stops at 1:26 on the midi file. Everyone shrieks in terror. All Osiris pirates, except Juudai, are possessed by the next song “I am the Captain of the Pinafore” from H.M.S. Pinafore. The music can be found here: http://math.boisestate.edu/GaS/pinafore/web_opera/pin04. html The music starts at :28 on the midi file.] I declare that every crew member of this ship is now a member of the Glee Club!

Juudai: Now I see why he's called Chronos the Cruel!

Chronos:

I am the Captain of the Obelisk!

Possessed Pirates:

And a right good captain, too!

Chronos:

You're very, very good,

And be it understood,

I command a right good crew.

Possessed:

We're very, very good,

And be it understood,

He commands a right good crew.

Chronos:

Though related to a peer,

I can hand, reef, and steer,

And ship a selvagee;

I am never known to quail

At the fury of a gale,

And I'm never, never sick at sea!

Juudai:

What, never?

Chronos:

No, never!

Juudai:

What, never?

Chronos:

Hardly ever!

Possessed Pirates:

He's hardly ever sick at sea!

Then give three cheers, and one cheer more,

For the hardy Captain of the Obelisk!

Then give three cheers, and one cheer more,

For the Captain of the Obelisk!

Chronos:

I do my best to satisfy you all —

Possessed Pirates:

And with you we're quite content.

Chronos:

You're exceedingly polite,

And I think it only right

To return the compliment.

Possessed Pirates:

We're exceedingly polite,

And he thinks it's only right

To return the compliment.

Chronos:

Bad language or abuse,

I never, never use,

Whatever the emergency;

Though "bother it" I may

Occasionally say,

I never use a big, big D —

Juudai:

Oh, really!

Chronos:

Yes, really!

Juudai:

Oh really!

Chronos: [speaking] For Obelisk's sake don't you ever listen! [The music suddenly stops. The other pirates are released from possession.]

Juudai: Gotcha!

Chronos: And who do you think you are?

Juudai: I know that I am Swabbie Juudai the Slacker, Future Pirate King!

Chronos: A lowly swabbie thinks that he can be king?

Juudai: Correction, a lowly swabbie who just out-foxed the current Pirate King!

Chronos: Mama Mia! I will not let this humiliation go unpunished! Beg for mercy as I slash open your jugular. [he pulls out his sword]

Juudai: Anything that will get you to stop singing.

Chronos: GAH!!! I've always despised the crew of the Osiris and now I know why. DIE!!! [Daitokuji gets in between them with his own sword]

Daitokuji: That's far enough! You will have to duel me before you kill any of my crew.

Chronos: Very well, Daitokuji! En garde! [but Motegi comes out with a barrel of whiskey]

Motegi: Dude, why must we fight when there's grog aplenty within the vicinity?

Asuka: [to Juudai] What is going on?

Juudai: This is Motegi's way of dueling, Princess. Haven't you ever been to a kegger? [Ayukawa passes by in nothing but her undergarments with a sign that says `45 minutes later…' Chronos is about to pass out.]

Chronos: I can't see straight. My head is pounding in pain…and yet, I feel really, really good! [Daitokuji is a little drunk but not as wasted as Chronos.] Well, I'd love to stay and chat with you, but it's time to kill some people and marry the princess.

Asuka: As if I'd marry a man who wears more makeup than I do!

Chronos: Don't get excited, Mia Donna, I'm too drunk. You will be a little present for my first mate, Thunderfist Manjyome! [Chronos passes out. Manjyome appears in a flash of lightening and a crash of thunder.]

Manjyome: Hahahaha! It is I, Thunderfist Manjyome, here to claim his bride!

Asuka: Stay away from me, you brute!

Manjyome: Wait! Time out! Why do I have to be the bad-guy?

Juudai: Someone has to be.

Asuka: [energetically] Yeah, you're such a good sport for doing so!

Manjyome: Oh really? In that case, I'll be a vile snake! Time in! [Continuing where they left off] As if you have a choice, Princess! Prepare my virgin! [Misawa and Hayato drag Shou over to Manjyome] Not that one! I haven't been out to sea that long! Bring me the Blue Goddess!

Asuka: [She grabs Fubuki's sword] You will have to kill me first! En garde!

Manjyome: I see you like it rough! Such a fine quality in a woman I'm about to take advantage of. [He takes out his own sword. Asuka and Manjyome fight. Just as Asuka is about to win:] Captain, a little help here!

Chronos: [Sits up momentarily and sings the first few bars of “A British Tar” from H.M.S. Pinafore. The music can be found here: http://math.boisestate.edu/GaS/pinafore/web_opera/pin10. html The music for this song stars at :09 on the midi file.] A British tar is a soaring soul/As free as a mountain bird/His energetic fist should be ready to resist/A dictatorial word. [Asuka drops her sword and covers her ears in agony. Manjyome grabs Asuka, ties her hands together and `hangs her' on the mast by her arm-ropes on a hook. She thrashes at the bonds, but with no success. Chronos passes out again.]

Asuka: Fowl! No fair!

Manjyome: Who said anything about us having a fair fight! Now nothing shall stop me from marrying you, having my way with you, stealing your dowry and killing you; not necessarily in that order.

Ryou: I'll stop you! [he lunges at Manjyome but is stopped by Rei who is hugging his leg]

Rei: Do not go, my Prince! He will scar your beautiful face beyond my recognition!

Juudai: I will stop you! No one makes a pin-up wench out of MY girl.

Manjyome: If only you weren't chained to the mast.

Asuka: Cabin Boy-Girl! Show my Swabbie your buxom! [Rei flashes Juudai. In horror, Juudai breaks free from the chains that bind him.]

Juudai: En Garde!

Manjyome: HA! Surely you jest! You have no sword. [Juudai kicks the sword out of Manjyome's hand.]

Juudai: Neither do you.

Manjyome: Makes no difference to me if you want to fight with weapons or fists. I learned how to duel from the greatest teachers in Europe!

Juudai: Oh yeah? I learned how to duel in the street! [Juudai knees Manjyome in the groin. Manjyome screams like a girl.]

Manjyome: Fowl! No fair!

Juudai: Who said anything about us having a fair fight?

Fubuki: Karma be a harsher mistress than the bottle. [Juudai picks up Fubuki's sword and cuts Asuka's ropes with them. She jumps into his arms. They look as though they might kiss. But Asuka stops herself and pulls back.]

Asuka: Thank you for saving me, Swabbie.

Ryou: My gratitude to you too for saving my bride to be. I'd show it to you if only this urchin would release my leg.

Fubuki: Forgive my intrusion, but according to the “Rights of Pirates Act of 1637” because the swabbie defeated the evil suitor and single-handedly rescued the princess, Princess Asuka's hand now belongs to Juudai.

Juudai: But I do not want her hand.

Asuka: [a little taken aback] Fine, It doesn't belong to anyone but me! I was getting sick of being everyone's proverbial poker chip! [she starts to walk away]

Juudai: [he pulls her back] I do, however, want your love for you have mine. Hey, you need both your hands. I'd give you my own but I need both of them too, if I am to properly carry you into yond sunset. [Everyone but Asuka and Juudai sigh.]

Asuka: That is truly the jabber of a fool; a very sweet fool that I cannot help but return my love to.

Ryou: Those rules you speak of, Troubadour; aren't they more like guidelines?

Fubuki: No.

Misawa: [Takes out a law book] That's not the only thing the Swabbie has gained. According to page 245: paragraph A, and I quote, “A pirate who defeats the current pirate king in a duel”--in this case, Captain Chronos of the Obelisk—said pirate—in this case Swabbie Juudai the Slacker—“shall be crowned pirate king.”

Shou: Hail, Swabbie Aniki! King of the Pirates! [All pirates get on one knee. Fubuki strums up a new song. Ryou puts a crown on Juudai's head. Coronation song, “I am the Pirate King” from The Pirates of Penzance. The music and lyrics can be found here: http://math.boisestate.edu/GaS/pirates/web_op/pirates03. html The music starts at 1:15 on the midi file.]

Juudai:

Oh, better far to live and die

Under the brave black flag I fly,

Than play a sanctimonious part,

With a pirate head and a pirate heart.

Away to the cheating world go you,

Where pirates all are well-to-do;

But I'll be true to the song I sing,

And live and die a Pirate King.

For I am a Pirate King!

And it is, it is a glorious thing

To be a Pirate King!

For I am a Pirate King!

Chorus:

You are!

Hurrah for our Pirate King!

Juudai:

And it is, it is a glorious thing

To be a Pirate King.

Chorus:

It is!

Hurrah for our Pirate King!

Juudai and Chorus:

Hurrah for the/our Pirate King!

Juudai: For my first act as the new Pirate King I declare that the crew members of the Osiris, the Ra and the Obelisk shall all be of equal rank. Let my people sail!

Daitokuji: [to Chronos] You heard the man!

Chronos: Fine, just wake me when the room stops spinning.

Juudai: [to Manjyome] Return to your ship! [he shakes Manjyome's hand] We are now sworn brothers one and all. [Hayato and Misawa throw Manjyome and Chronos back to their ship.]

Hayato: Have a nice trip!

Fubuki: We still have a problem here. The princess is betroved to Prince Ryou, but has been won by Pirate King Juudai. But can a princess marry a Pirate? And what became of the princess's handsome brother Prince Fubuki?

Asuka: First of all, my brother is right here. [She pulls off Fubuki's mask.]

Fubuki: Yes, it is I, Prince Fubuki. I have always been here by your side watching over you, Dearest Sister. Do you think I'd stand idly by and let scurvy pirates have their way with you?

Ryou: You mean, she was never—She's not—

Fubuki: Not unless a girl can pregnant by eating sunflower seeds.

Juudai: Excuse me, but if you're finished stating the obvious, we have another problem to solve.

Fubuki: But who can make the decision fairly and ethically?

A Voice: I can! [A great light illuminates the stage. Out of the light comes Atem(Yami Yugi). Everyone bows:] A king should not be on his knees even before another king.

Juudai: Your Majesty?

Atem: It was my greatest wish to see a world where there were no social classes. Please honor my wish by allowing the true lovers to be wed. Asuka, decide today whom your heart desires for you have the right to chose.

Asuka: [turns to Ryou] Ryou, forgive me, but the one I love is Juudai.

Ryou: Very well. [to Juudai] You better take care of her.

Juudai: I will.

Atem: Juudai, you shall make a great pirate king for you are just and compassionate to all your subjects. [Gives Juudai a small box. Juudai opens it up. Inside are two wedding rings.] Take these as a symbol of my blessing. As long as you wear them on your fingers, you shall never be torn apart. [Gets in between Juudai and Asuka and joins their hands.] I grant you both a long and prosperous reign. Farewell, the future is now in your hands. [Atem leaves]

Asuka: Long live my king! [Asuka curtsies to Juudai]

Juudai: You do not have to pay homage to me, Princess. It is I who should kneel to you. [he gets on one knee] Are you ready to marry me and become my Pirate Queen for all eternity?

Asuka: You betcha, Baby!

Junko: Does this mean?

Momoe: The prince is single? [Momoe and Junko struggle to get to Ryou, but Rei stops them]

Rei: Back off, Wenches, this one is mine!

Ryou: Sometimes I hate being a nice guy.

Shou: [elbowing Juudai playfully] Looks as though the princess shall be your `first mate'!

Juudai: No, she shall be my wife.

Misawa: What he means is that you two shall engage in carnal embrace.

Juudai: Carnival? Where?

Daitokuji: In the honeymoon suite!

Rei: All night long!

Juudai: Then how shall we--

Hayato: You'll hop on the good foot and do the bad thing!

Motegi: Get laid!

Fubuki: Do the forbidden dance!

Momoe: Make a hentai doujinshi!

Juudai: Excuse me, may I say something please? [he takes Misawa's Megaphone] SEX!!! IT'S CALLED SEX!!!

Daitokuji: You know about that?

Juudai: Geeze Captain, nobody's that stupid.

Fubuki: Sister, you are not taken aback?

Asuka: Of course not, I plan to wear him out properly.

Fubuki: [laughs] That's my sister! Well, now is as good a time as any for a wedding. [Wedding Song: `Here's a First-Rate opportunity' From The Pirates of Penzance. The music and lyrics can be found here: http://math.boisestate.edu/GaS/pirates/web_op/pirates11. html The music starts at :42 on the midi file. During the first verse the wedding is prepared. The girls bring Asuka a bouquet, put flowers in her hair and pin a veil over her face. Then they take their place as bridesmaids. Daitokuji becomes the preacher. Shou becomes the best man. Misawa, Ryou, and Hayato line up as groomsmen. Motegi brings out bottles of champagne. Finally, Fubuki takes his sister by the arm and gives the bride away:]

Here's a first-rate opportunity

To get married with impunity,

And indulge in the felicity

Of unbounded domesticity.

You shall quickly be parsonified,

Conjugally matrimonified,

By a doctor of divinity,

Who is located in this vicinity.

[During the second verse the marriage occurs and the girls pair up with the pirates for a small dance/procession; Shou with Junko, Misawa with Momoe, Hayato with Tome, Fubuki with Ayukawa, and Ryou with Rei. Meanwhile Juudai and Asuka are married and exchange the rings that Atem gave them. Juudai lifts the veil from Asuka's face.]

Girls:

We have missed our opportunity

Of escaping with impunity;

So farewell to the felicity

Of our maiden domesticity!

We shall quickly be parsonified,

Conjugally matrimonified,

By a doctor of divinity,

Who is located in this vicinity.

All:

By a doctor of divinity

Who resides in this vicinity,

By a doctor, a doctor, a doctor,

Of divinity, of divinity.

[Juudai and Asuka kiss. Bows all around.]

Epilogue: Fubuki, Manjyome, Shou, Asuka and Juudai are gathered around a campfire. Manjyome has his legs crossed and is shaking all over.

Fubuki: And so the swabbie pirate king and his beautiful queen reigned happily ever after.

Asuka: [she is beat red and covering her face. Quietly:] You are soooo dead!

Manjyome: That was horrifying! I should sue you for using my name!

Shou: [claps] Nothing like a story where true love conquers all.

Asuka: [almost too embarassed to talk] What did you think, Juudai?

Juudai: Great story! Did this really happen? [Everyone sighs. Manjyome, Fubuki and Shou exit]

Asuka: [to Juudai] You are so dense! [she gets up to go and then notices that Juudai has taken her hand.] Juudai? [He dips her and kisses her]

Juudai: Gotcha! [they laugh and fall into each other's arms]

[the end]

Author's note: As a classically trained actor who has read and studied Aristotle's The Poetics, I don't normally like to end a play with a deus ex machine, but I couldn't resist it just once. I mean, who doesn't like the occasional cameo appearance?