Chapter 1

Gray

 

 

Gaara's world was conclusively black and white. Clear cut and almost practical in a way. Repressed emotions and the skewed logic he lived by had pleasantly made it that way.

 

If something threatened him or caused him pain, it would be killed thus eliminating the problem and making his existence valid. Hurt them before they can hurt you. It was a simple truism that he'd lived by for nearly as long as he could remember. And now that he had a vague notion of what `family' meant, consequently, if his sister or brother were faced with the same threat, the same simple rule applied.

 

Emotions were nothing but burdens. Love most of all. Love was puzzling, contradictory, and simply not worth his time as far as Gaara had been concerned. Love was merely another word for pain, a worthless concept people used to manipulate one another, an illusion that would always lead to solitude and regret.

 

This logic was rather bleak and primitive, as would be expected since the influence of the creature within him had been coloring his judgment and actions since birth, but it had nonetheless served him well. His life was bearable, somewhat stable, and it was his and Gaara did not like things that threatened and upset that delicate balance.

 

Things like Naruto.

 

Naruto and his free spirit and his easy smiles and his unrealistic dreams and his unwavering determination that constantly challenged the few things Gaara held as truth.

 

More than six months had passed before Gaara realized that he and Naruto had become…well Gaara wasn't exactly sure what they had become. A part of him wanted to attach the word `friend' to the blonde but wisely recoiled from it. `Friend' implied things like trust or some other form of emotional attachment. Experience was an effective teacher and he knew things of that nature only lead to enormous pain and disappointment. And in Gaara's specific case, death and the occasional psychotic episode. Still, when he analyzed the conditions that defined friendship and compared them to the way he and Naruto sometimes behaved, he realized that whether or not he wanted to accept it as that, friendship was exactly what it had become.

 

Gaara had a friend. It unnerved him.

 

Whenever the two of them were in the village at the same time, they spent practically every moment together. Often he simply watched Naruto, partly because he was intrigued about the bizarre social interactions he and his other friends participated in. He honestly had no idea how something as inane and pointless as simply sitting around in a ramen shop talking at length about absolutely nothing of importance could even be enjoyable much less be deemed `normal'. Actions without an objective made no sense to Gaara. But when Naruto and the group of others Gaara recognized from his first chuunin exam gathered, that was exactly the sort of silly things they did.

 

The biggest reason he observed Naruto was because he was constantly trying to figure him out. Not to mention his own complex thoughts and feelings towards him. Naruto frequently generated conflicting notions in Gaara's head, creating questions that had no real answers and giving rise to feelings he could barely name let alone classify. Naruto treated him as though he were anyone else, as though he hadn't tried to kill him and his friends a few years prior. Even after seeing up close what he was and the kind of cruelty he was capable of. That was what Gaara wanted but at the same time was far too suspicious to just accept it without question. It made no sense. And despite evidence to the contrary, Gaara was a creature of logic. And logically, no one would forgive or forget that easily or treat him this way unless there was something they were expecting in return, something they were planning.

 

But what could Naruto want? A blind man could see that Naruto was not a vindictive person by nature and never once had Gaara sensed any malicious intent from him. He seemed to simply like his company.

 

No one who had seen the sand incarnation and lived to tell about it had ever looked at him the same way again. Why would anyone willingly want to be around him after seeing what kind of monster was?

 

Naruto always sought Gaara out when he was in Konoha to invite him to participate in random activities and Gaara usually agreed, rarely turning down an opportunity to attempt solving the blonde enigma. But as time passed, Gaara found that somehow he became the one to seek Naruto's company. And Naruto always seemed pleased to see him, never once turning him away, no matter how busy he seemed to be, even though Gaara never actually wanted anything in particular and was mostly silent when they were together.

 

When they weren't together, particularly when he was back in Sunagakure, Gaara found that his mind often strayed to Naruto and what he was doing, wondering if the next time he saw him he will have come to his senses and started treating him the way everyone else did.

 

The thought both worried and comforted him.

 

It might be a good thing if Naruto hated him. At least then Gaara would feel justified in his belief that love was a lie, that forming relationships with others was pointless and foolish. Then he could resume his place behind the safe little barrier he'd spent years building around himself and not have to try to decipher all theses inconsistent thoughts and feelings.

 

But if he did begin to hate and fear him then Gaara….wouldn't like that….a large part of Gaara didn't want Naruto to see him that way, couldn't stand that he might turn on him or use him the way so many others had….

 

Gaara resolutely decided not to think about that anymore. He tried to clear his mind of Naruto and shut out Shukaku's restless murmurs of how easy it would be to eliminate the source of this confusion, of how tonight was a full moon and how Naruto deserved nothing but the worst kind of death for humiliating him and making him hurt both inside and out, making his existence meaningless—

 

Gaara took several deep breaths in an attempt to drive those ideas away. Temari had taught him to focus his chakra into his heart and lungs, slowing their processes considerably when he felt the Tail attempting to override his better judgment. She'd said the calming, almost lethargic effect it has on the body and mind would quickly ease his tension and anxiety and help him regain control. Essentially it was a distant cousin of his Fake Sleep jutsu and he found it did aid in calming him down. Kankuro had told him to take out his frustrations on the training grounds or better yet, far away amongst the abundant dunes surrounding their village, unloading his anger on things that wouldn't bleed and die. Both sets of advice helped but neither took away the urges completely. He knew nothing ever would.

 

Gaara resumed walking, in search of a secluded place to have his meager lunch, his state of mind slightly improved. Konoha was lush and green and alive and offered many such places, the polar opposite of Sand. It had taken a little time to get used to the humid air, the noisy wildlife, and cloyingly fragrant foliage but he had come to like the village. Gaara found that he liked the top of the Hokage Mountain most. The height and angle offered him a panoramic view of Konoha while the trees and underbrush further back from its edge kept him from being seen and possibly disturbed. He was looking forward to a little time alone, away from inquisitive kids and chalk scented classrooms, but it apparently wasn't meant to be.

 

The familiar chakra pattern feathered across his senses and it wasn't long before he came across a tuft of blonde hair protruding from behind the trunk of a large tree. Upon closer inspection Gaara could see that Naruto seemed to be resting from some sort of training. His jacket lay in a heap next to him along with his weapons pouch and the boy himself lay against the tree's base looking disheveled and exhausted. The earth in his immediate vicinity was scorched and cracked and even some of the bark had been sanded away from the tree, leaving a smooth pale layer of new wood exposed.

 

“Gaara,” he said smiling but without opening his eyes or even looking in Gaara's direction. “Long way from the academy aren't ya?”

 

“Yes,” he said simply, and made himself a seat alongside Naruto.

 

The two were quiet for a while and as Gaara nibbled at his food, he glanced over at his companion and found that his eyes had opened at some point and an extremely serious expression had taken over his face. The look was so distant and nostalgic that Gaara didn't have to guess what was on his mind. Though he hadn't known Naruto well at all before a few months ago, he could still tell that there were differences between the boy he'd known during his first chuunin exam and the one sitting next to him. This one was a bit more subdued, even mature at times and though the effervescence that made Naruto Naruto could never be completely vanquished, it did level out on occasion. Naruto could be almost as withdrawn as Gaara. Usually when the name Uchiha Sasuke came up.

 

Gaara knew that the two of them were extremely close—three counting the pink haired girl—perfectly willing to die for one another in battle against him, and he also knew that Naruto had been training ever since that failed mission in preparation to find and retrieve the missing nin.

 

What Gaara didn't know was why he hoped Naruto would find the Uchiha brat eventually. The dark haired boy had also invaded his thoughts over the years and though his memories of him tended to call up more violent images than his memories of Naruto, Sasuke had also become a marker on the road he had recently begun to travel. He had been the first to ever draw blood from him, to make him feel true pain. The first to break through his barrier and even ignite a small spark of fear in him. He had been a strong opponent and, like Naruto, had utterly confused and infuriated him. Uchiha Sasuke had everything. He had strength, had friends, and the respect and adoration of his village. Why would he throw it all away, discard everything Gaara would literally have killed to have? What right did he have to have dead, hate filled eyes so much like his own?

 

He wasn't harboring a monster like him or Naruto, although those strange markings that had crawled across his skin seemed to suggest otherwise, but his dark eyes did have the same kind of black emptiness that only abject solitude could create. He often wondered how someone so loved and valued by so many could still have eyes like that. It was obvious that he was suffering inside, suffering in a way that few could really understand. There had been a flicker of recognition in Gaara's one track mind when he'd looked into those eyes, almost too brief to detect, but there beneath his blind fury. He knew that look. Saw it in the mirror every day. He knew the kind of anguish it took to trigger it.

 

Gaara had seen it so clearly when the other had charged at him, speeding through the branches and leaves, bolts of chakra shooting from his hand, using that noisy technique whose sound would haunt Gaara's mind for months after. So much hate, so much purpose and desperation had been in that attack. And Gaara knew without a doubt that it hadn't been him Sasuke had really been attacking. Still he could see that Sasuke wanted to fight him for the same reason he had wanted to fight Sasuke. For the thrill of defeating someone who was supposed to be stronger. To feel that burst of adrenaline that always came when watching someone powerful die by his hands. To have a purpose, a reason for existing as he did. To finally feel strong enough to destroy whatever had put such hate there in the first place. Gaara had wanted so badly to kill him at the time, to defeat this so-called genius ninja who had been strong enough to spill his blood and feel the thrill of life through his death.

 

Sasuke was another riddle he wanted to solve. Gaara wanted to see him again someday as well.

 

Beside him, Naruto was still lost in thought.

 

Gaara couldn't help but think that the blonde's face just didn't look quite right when it was full of worry and irritation. As if reading his thoughts, Naruto's face softened as he stood, took a deep breath, and performed a set of unfamiliar hand seals, preparing to resume whatever training he'd been doing. Gaara paused, `brows' furrowing in curiosity. A surge of reddish chakra had just begun engulf his body, and morph into an odd shape around him, when a loud rumble closely followed by an angry gurgle made them both blink in surprise. The chakra dissipated and Naruto chuckled and placed a hand over his complaining stomach.

 

“Guess maybe I should take a lunch break too,” he grinned, rubbing at the fishnet covering his midsection. Reflex made him catch the apple before he'd even realized that was what it was.

 

“Thanks,” he said, sitting down again and breached the apple with a noisy crunch. Gaara mumbled something that might've been `yeah' and continued to eat, his mind still on that unusual chakra shape. He'd seen that chakra before. He even knew its origins now but had never seen it take a form before. It seemed to move like a conscious being and that was beyond anything Gaara had ever seen.

 

“That jutsu, what was it?”

 

“Just something I've been working on that I need to perfect.”

 

“You shouldn't show your techniques to just anyone. Especially someone from another village,” Gaara pointed out.

 

“You're not `just anyone'. Besides, you haven't seen half of what I can do,” he crowed smugly. “Hey! We should spar together sometime so I can see how it stands up against your—”

 

“No.”

 

The abrupt answer confused Naruto almost as much as it had Gaara. The idea of fighting Naruto again—even in so called harmless sparring—bothered him for several reasons, none of which he fully understood. He had never backed down from any kind of challenge before. Shukaku was already rousing, thrilled by the idea of battle, eager for retribution, and ordinarily Gaara would have been just as enthusiastic. But Naruto was now his….well, he wasn't an enemy any more and though he did want to see how Naruto's growing strength matched against his own, he still didn't know if he trusted himself not to hurt the one person who'd reached out to him. But then Naruto wasn't exactly easy prey. He was arguably the strongest person he'd ever come across. And Gaara had a few new techniques of his own he'd like to test against something that wasn't wooden and could fight back. But the thought of hurting Naruto again….

 

“Maybe.”

 

Naruto rolled his eyes made a theatrical noise of annoyance.

 

“You're no fun at all, you know that?” he grumped around a large wad of apple, “None. You don't wanna spar with me, you don't really like ramen—which is just plain unnatural—and you don't even like to do…..well much of anything. You sure you and Shikamaru aren't related?”

 

Naruto snickered but Gaara didn't.

 

Gaara frowned, the comparison to the pony-tailed ninja not amusing him in the least. Shikamaru was an annoying smartass who did nothing but sleep, play board games, watch clouds and complain and Gaara was absolutely nothing like him. Gaara had not figured out yet why his sister seemed to like spending so much time with him. He had always considered Temari intelligent and a good judge of character but her interest in him had begun to make him reconsider. Gaara knew next to nothing about romantic relationships but from his observations, the bits of random conversations he'd eavesdropped on, and the one chapter he'd barely made it through of that trite Icha Icha novel that had mysteriously gotten into their house, he'd been under the impression that girls liked strong, assertive, gallant types with textbook good looks that did chivalrous idiotic things like present them with flowers and protect them from danger. The Nara boy was certainly none of those things and he honestly had no idea why Temari wasted so much time with him. He assumed it was another aspect of human behavior that he would most likely never understand.

 

“What do you do for fun? There's got to be something you enjoy doing,” Naruto asked, realizing that whenever they were together it had been him to suggest the activity. Not that he minded. He just liked Gaara's company. Naruto had never realized how much it would mean to him to have someone there to simply listen when he talked. Listen and not judge or criticize and not punctuate their sentences with `idiot' or `brat' or `monster'. It was a welcome change to not have to force a smile or pretend to be fine when he wasn't. He'd outgrown his role as Village Idiot years ago but the suspicious and guarded looks he got when he strayed from it could sometimes still turn him into that tearful insecure twelve year old again. It felt good to be able to just be himself around someone. He was allowed to be depressed or angry or silent with him, felt comfortable around Gaara and that was something he'd never been with anyone. Not even Sasuke and he had been his closest friend. Or so he'd thought.

 

The dull ache resurfaced as his thoughts once again turned to Sasuke. There was always a brief moment of pure unfiltered hate that welled up just before the hurt and loneliness settled in when thoughts of Sasuke crowded Naruto's mind. Even though he now knew the reasons behind his behavior, it still didn't change the fact that he'd run off and abandoned them, hurt Sakura deeply and made her cry, and had even tried to kill him in his single-minded pursuit of a power that would eventually take his life. Knowing this, however, still didn't dull the pain or curb the anger. He had vowed that the first thing he'd do when he found the selfish idiot was rearrange his pretty little face. Then rearrange it some more. Before sighing with relief.

 

Naruto knew that things would never be the same between them once he found Sasuke and he could accept that. But he would find him and he would bring him back. In part because he'd given Sakura his word but mostly because he just couldn't allow Sasuke to be killed or used as a vessel for that bastard snake. Naruto knew better than anyone what it felt like to not be entirely your own and if he could spare Sasuke that kind of existence, he would. Naruto's feelings for him ran deep and he supposed he'd always have a soft spot where the jackass was concerned. He was his first real friend and that was something that could not be replaced. He had nearly died to save his life more than once and Naruto knew that his Sasuke still had to be in there somewhere. Feelings and actions like that didn't just come from nowhere nor did they vanish without a trace overnight. Even if they couldn't return to their sibling-like rivalry, he would find him and bring him home because even though Sasuke wasn't his friend anymore, that didn't mean that Naruto wasn't his.

 

“I enjoy being with you,” Gaara answered after a second's thought.

 

Naruto, snapping back from his reverie, smiled crookedly, looking a little embarrassed as pink briefly flashed across his cheeks. If it weren't for his deadpan monotone and the literal way the statement had been delivered, he might have thought Gaara was trying to flatter him. But this was Gaara and Gaara didn't concern himself with things like boosting someone's ego. He was simply stating a fact.

 

Gaara wondered if he'd said something wrong.

 

Was that not a legitimate answer? Kankuro had once told him that he had the social graces of a bull and that learning the meaning of tact would benefit him. Gaara didn't like semantics. Wrapping the truth up in sugary words might make it a little easier to digest in some cases but it didn't change anything and Gaara had always found that taking the straightforward approach to things left no room for confusion or arguments. Naruto had asked him a question and he'd given him an honest answer.

 

“Yeah?”

 

Gaara just gave him a look that read `I don't like repeating myself'.

 

Naruto smiled to himself, amazed that someone had actually said that to him and meant it, then curiously wondered aloud, “Why?”

 

“You're strange.”

 

Naruto didn't know what he'd been expecting but that certainly wasn't it. He was about to huffily object when Gaara continued.

 

“You're similar to me. And at the same time you're not like anybody else I've ever met. You're direct and honest. And though you're like me, you found different ways to feel alive. You even want to become the Hokage of a village full of people who hate you. It makes no sense,” he droned thoughtfully, eyes clouded.

 

“Of course it makes sense! If I—”

 

“And you seem satisfied,” Gaara's slow drawl continued, as if Naruto hadn't spoken, “You seem to…like your life. Even though they hate and fear you. Even though you have a monster inside you. You're not afraid to become attached to people. You don't seem to be afraid of the pain you'll probably suffer because of it. You're strong. And you…understand. That's why.”

 

Naruto didn't know what to respond to first, the many odd compliments he'd received or the fact that Gaara already knew about the kyuubi. He chose to sidestep the subject of kyuubi altogether for now. That was something he'd been unsure of how to broach. He knew Gaara wasn't dumb and probably knew that he was much more like him than he'd let on but he didn't think he knew all the particulars. And though he was enormously relieved that he already knew, he knew Gaara would probably have questions that he wasn't up to answering at the moment.

 

Gaara didn't miss the surprised look that lit up Naruto's face just before relief took its place.

 

Gaara figured since he'd only told him about the kyuubi in a roundabout sort of way that he hadn't really wanted him to know yet. He knew it was something that was to be kept secret from those of another village and he supposed it was a shock to find out that he knew more than he'd initially let on.

 

Naruto had once told him that he had a monster inside him as well and since then Gaara—always one to know as much about the enemy as possible—had done his research to see how true that statement was. It hadn't occurred to him that there could be another out there with the same burden until that day in the hospital room. He'd dismissed it at first as a bluff intended to scare him into not killing that round eyed kid with the gargantuan eyebrows, but the fight during the final matches of the chuunin exam lent a little proof to his words. That red/orange chakra he'd used to defeat the white-eyed one was definitely not normal and it had gotten Shukaku somewhat alert and defensive.

 

It had taken nearly a year to find out the truth.

 

Researching a shinobi's background was difficult even under the best circumstances, especially so when it came to unearthing secrets about shinobi in other villages. But when Gaara wanted something he had ways of getting it. After an incredible amount of research, travel, countless threats, four or five injured parties, and some breaking and entering, Gaara discovered that Naruto truly did contain a real monster. Gaara knew that it had been sealed inside him by Konoha's Fourth Hokage and that, unlike his situation, it had been done to save his village instead of to turn him into a weapon. Beyond that Gaara didn't know much. The classified archives didn't have much more than that. It was just as well. He could hear the details from the source now.

 

“What else do you like to do? Like when you go home. There must be other things you like,” he asked, skirting nicely around the issue. But he was genuinely interested in knowing more about Gaara. The redhead never volunteered much information about himself but he did answer questions when they were asked.

 

Gaara intrigued Naruto. He amazed him, actually, when he really thought about it. Naruto had the Fourth's seal to help reign kyuubi's power and interference. The only thing that seemed to be standing between Gaara and Shukaku was willpower. Even after contending with that, perpetual insomnia, and going through a hell that must've been even worse than his own he was still here, still moderately sane, still trying to learn and change.

 

Immediately after asking the question, though, Naruto wondered if maybe it was better to leave well enough alone. If his time in Gaara's company had taught him anything it was that Gaara was the one that was strange. Not that he didn't know that before but it was different seeing this strangeness up close and on a fairly regular basis.

 

For one, Gaara talked to himself. Worse still, he answered. His unhealthy fixation on blood had also taken a little getting used to. But nothing disastrous had come of any of it so far so Naruto had learned to accept it. That was a part of who Gaara was and given his circumstances, Naruto was surprised that he didn't have even more frightening habits. But maybe he did. This was Gaara after all. Maybe the worst remained to be seen. Who knew how Gaara would answer that question. His idea of a fun time, in all likelihood, might include mass manslaughter and dismemberment but Naruto hoped he'd bypass the obvious and go for something a little more relatable. Whatever the case, Gaara was his friend and he'd stand by him no matter what the lunatic threw at him.

 

“Reading, Training.”

 

Naruto thought that sounded very boring and awfully normal for Gaara of the Desert.

 

“I like cemeteries. I visit them sometimes at night.”

 

Now they were back on track. Naruto couldn't help but snort from the irony.

 

“Do I even want to know why?” he ventured.

 

“To think. It makes me feel…human, normal, to think that I will die one day and be buried just like everyone else.”

 

“Only you could find a cemetery therapeutic,” Naruto chuckled. He briefly wondered why someone who'd always been so hell bent on not having his existence nullified seemed to find solace in contemplating his own death. But Naruto dismissed it as yet another Gaara-ism. He was a walking conundrum and though he may never figure him out, he would still enjoy the time spent trying.

 

Naruto was finished with his apple and was enjoying the amicable silence that had fallen between them when Gaara spoke again. This time about something completely new and unrelated, as was often the case with Gaara.

 

“We'll be going back to Suna in two days.”

 

“Oh.”

 

Naruto was quiet for a few moments.

 

“Do you know when you'll be back?”

 

“Not for another six weeks at least.”

 

“Oh. Why don't you just stay with me until then?”

 

One day Naruto supposed he'd learn not to let his emotions govern the things he said and did. And not to just blurt every thought that popped into his head. But that day obviously wasn't today. He also supposed he'd let all the compliments swell his head a bit, not to mention made him think they were closer than they might actually be. Gaara could be hard to read sometimes, though the little things he said and did let him know that the redhead did consider him his friend. Still the offer had been a bit presumptuous on his part. Just because Gaara liked spending time with him didn't mean he wanted to move in with him for six weeks. He was pretty sure Gaara's life didn't revolve around him. He probably had things he wanted to get back to in Suna, other missions to complete, all kinds of things, maybe even other friends. Okay, no. Probably not other friends because Gaara wasn't exactly a social butterfly but Naruto knew if he left, those weeks without him would be lonely and lonely was something he avoided at all costs. Lonely lead to thinking and thinking usually lead right back to Gaara most of the time anyway. Or Sasuke when he was in a particularly pensive mood and he didn't want to deal with any of that when he could have Gaara right there with him.

 

That pervert of a sannin had left a few days prior and had informed him that he'd most likely be gone for several months. Gathering more of that obscure information he always seemed to be looking for. Naruto was willing to bet everything he owned that it had something to do with Akatsuki but of course asking Jiraiya that outright hadn't yielded anything except vague, meaningless crap and a warning not to run off in search of information on Sasuke's whereabouts while he was away. At any rate that left Naruto with no one to mentor him for a while and nothing much to do in the meantime.

 

Whenever he returned from training with Jiraiya—which he made a point of doing whenever his and Gaara's schedule would coincide—he would always track him down to tell him all about the adventures he'd had or what new flavor of ramen he discovered while in other villages or just for his reassuring, albeit mute, company. His other friends would be around, those that weren't on missions or healing from past ones, but no one made him feel quite as comfortable as Gaara. There was no one else he felt that sort of connection with.

 

Gaara's gaze leapt from the horizon to Naruto's face, a slightly quirked `brow' the only evidence of the surprise from his unexpected invitation.

 

“Never mind,” Naruto backpedaled. “It's ok I was just….I mean you probably have things you need to do when you get back home and I was only thinking out loud because ero-sennin's gone for a while and I dunno I thought….you know maybe…..”

 

Gaara slowly stood and walked away.

 

The blonde sighed, irritated. Naruto hadn't expected the offer to offend him enough to actually make him angry. Yes he might be crossing some sort of boundary in their friendship but still the jerk didn't have to—

 

“Meet me at the academy once classes are over so that we can move my things from the inn,” Gaara ordered just before he was out of earshot as he continued walking.

 

Naruto just stood there, the realization slow to sink in. Gaara was nearly out of sight by the time he'd collected himself and caught up to walk with him back to the academy.

 

“Heh! Good! It'll be fun. As long as you don't wake me up in the middle of the night to go to cemetery hopping or anything,” he grinned. He was about to give him a good natured poke in the ribs with his elbow when the sand rustled. He thought better of it and refrained.

 

The first time he'd attempted friendly physical contact the sand hadn't appreciated him invading Gaara's personal space and he'd wound up with a few bloody fingers and a freaked out Gaara.

 

He hadn't tried it since.

 

Naruto didn't know if it was because Gaara didn't like to be touched or if it was just that he hadn't wanted to be touched by him specifically but he'd kept all body parts to himself ever since. Even though it had only been minor abrasions that had healed in less than an hour, Gaara had gone wide eyed, gripped his head as if trying to keep his brain from escaping it and began mumbling something along the lines of `not his'. Or at least that had been all Naruto had been able to make out before he abruptly departed not to return until his next visit over a month later. They'd never spoken about it, no apologies or accusations made, but there were a lot of things between them that were that way, that were just understood.

 

Gaara issued a quiet grunt of dismissal at Naruto's comment but didn't fail to notice the aborted poke he'd been about to receive. The sand had bristled and he'd willed it to settle but even when it did, Naruto still kept a respectable distance.

 

And that frustrated Gaara.

 

Because Gaara wanted to be touched.

 

Feared it, didn't trust it, but wanted it even so. Wanted it because that was the kind of thing normal people did and how normal people behaved. And because that was how Naruto behaved. Naruto was like him and yet so not and he wanted that, to be like that, to find the kind of balance he seemed to have. Though Gaara was almost positive he could never be normal, he couldn't help wanting to know what it was like even if it was just for a moment, even if it were just pretend. He just didn't know how or trust anyone enough yet to show him. Not even Naruto. And until that happened, the sand seemed insistent on protecting him from all possible threats.

 

Gaara felt a twinge of….he didn't know what.

 

It was another of those feelings that only Naruto seemed to produce and that he didn't yet have a name for. It was similar to pain—the bloodless kind he'd always felt as a child—but it was laced with something else, something raw and intense that made him feel vulnerable. He'd felt it sharply when he'd seen Naruto's blood drip from his damaged fingers, that unnamed feeling that had come just after the initial thrill that always burned through him when he drew blood. And despite Naruto's assurance that he was perfectly fine, Gaara had briefly panicked because whatever that feeling was, it had been just as intense, had just as much meaning as that thrill he'd always literally lived for and he hadn't known what to make of that. He'd ricocheted off of about twenty different emotions in the span of a second when those startled and somewhat hurt blue eyes landed on his face and Shukaku's insistence that he finish the job and put an end to all this confusion had been trying desperately to gain traction. He'd left before he or Shukaku could do anything at all.

 

But he'd found he couldn't stay away from Naruto for very long. His company had somehow become necessary.

 

Naruto hadn't treated him any differently when they next met.

 

Gaara felt the twinge again.