Disclaimer: Jazzy does not own the SonicTeam cast.

 

Author's Note: This is a relationshipper story that deals with love affairs and their principles. The prologue is divided into two separate character narrations - Shadow and Amy. I may delete this prologue and change it into an actual scene of ShadAmy, or edit this prologue into having five narrations of the characters - Amy, Sonic, Shadow, Rouge, and Knuckles. It depends on when my laziness leaves me, and more importantly, your vote.

 

"~*" is Amy's point of view.

"~*~*" is Shadow's point of view.

"~*~*~*" is both of them speaking at once, or together.

 

The story was inspired by my favorite music numbers, "Feelings" by Floetry, "Pretty Wings" by Maxwell, "Slipped Away" by Mariah Carey 1990s, "If I Were A Boy" by Beyonce, "Let Me Go" by Three Doors Down, and "Energy" by Keri Hilson. You'll notice that.

 

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~Prologue~

 

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"This is about love,

 

Freedom,

 

Aloneness...

 

And understanding it...

 

It's about being responsible,

 

Mature...

 

And that we all have to die a little bit..."</u>

 

~ "Feelings" by Floetry

 

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~*

 

…Well, I did it. What more is there to say, you know? I really, really did it and it, uh…it finally happened for me! Heh, I'm twenty-five years old, and it's...been happening for about five years now you could say, but it started in the Spring of his twenty-third birthday.

 

How and why it happened? This is where I'll leave you room to let your own imagination run wild, but I will say that this was the Spring that Sonic finally decided to do something he hardly ever decides to do - make a decision. Sonic's the kind of guy who...can't~ really be mature on his own, you know. So he needs some serious and aggressive prompting, and he got it from a distressed Knuckles and an irritated Shadow. But he made it, even with all the confusion on how he felt about me before the decision was made. He made it that year.

 

And now here we are, everyone! A couple! He's mine; I'm his. It's official, no more self-proclaimed claims, no more crying, no more chasing.

 

…But the relationship I had always dreamt of didn't look like the one that I've found myself in now. Sooner than later, the effect of it all wore off. Reality isn't romantically pretty after all. Don't mishear me, now. Sonic and I have our breathtaking moments of fun and happiness, but every person knows that moments such of these can only last for so long.

 

See, I've grown up. Sonic, on the other hand, has not. Not completely, at least. He stunted somewhere along the growth of our relationship.

 

The main reason couples break up is not conflict, communication problems, or physical incompatibility. It's frustration; the day to day disappointment of the gap between what you expect and how your partner acts. It's the most damaging fault to undergo. It's small changes in behavior and attitude that can transform your relationship.

 

Sonic is, and always will be, the wind...and though he has feelings for me and is with me, he isn't waiting for me till this day. Being chained down by a relationship's weight will never be a future possibility, no matter how hard he tries. So, I give him as much freedom as I can give, because I love Sonic for what he's always been and will never wish to change him, but these five years have been corresponded with break-ups and rebounds, and still he doesn't quite get it. The typical, clueless male is what he is, I tell you. I'm willing to make sacrifices for him as I always have, I'm willing to be patient for him as I've always been, but now that we're a couple, I feel that he should also make the same sacrifices - permanently, and not just frequently. I'm not speaking on his hero-streak; we team up for such duties, whether he approves it or not. It's the emotional compliance I'm craving. I respect his space and time, but he can go days without giving me any of his space and time, any attention or affection, any real...acknowledgement. There's always something more I want him to say. There's always something more I want him to do. He disappears for days on end, and then re-appears with that beautifully cruel smile I love, like everything's fine. Conversations are short. Affection is brief. Touch and go. Silence is heart-breaking. Sighs are daily. If it's not his way, then it must be mine. We can't communicate or compromise.

 

I used to wait. I'd wait for the situation to improve and we'd attempt to meet one another's expectations together, but he always retreats back to the same old habits, and I always fall back to screaming the same old arguments. Sonic isn't tiring me; I'm tired by the relationship. Yet, I know that this is more than me...and this is so much more than him.

 

The bargain, 'sacrifice the you and I for us' is just...a bargain he can't stick to. In the end, I don't want that 'us' to be the end of me.

 

I love Sonic the Hedgehog. Sonic the Hedgehog loves me. He is worth more than gold to me, and I to him. We will always be here for each other. Always. But in the core of this truth, I...I'm terrified so say that day by day, I'm slipping away from him and everything we had the way he's slipping away from me. I keep on reaching, I keep on trying and...so does he, but it's becoming clear that this is a losing battle. I don't carry the same feelings I had as a hopeless romantic twelve year old whose head was full of cotton candy and long walks on the beach. I had been in love with the idea of someone loving me back then, but I can't keep waiting for a dream to come true the way I wished it to be. I don't want this kind of repetition until I die. I'm getting older and older; I'm in my twenties, but I'll be thirty in a few years from today, and I want to settle down, but Sonic...

 

This has not become a lasting fantasy. This has become baggage. It's true that having feelings for someone and being in a relationship with someone are two completely different experiences, but I...I never knew.

 

I'm not happy. I'm not unhappy.

 

I…guess I'm just tired.

 

~*~*

 

I always knew that 'happy' would never be a word in my vocabulary. "Happy enough," is the preferred wording, and I'm not quite sure where to begin or where not to begin, but I do know where it's ending.

 

The main reason couples break up is not conflict, communication problems, or physical incompatibility. It's frustration; the day-to-day disappointment of the gap between what you expect and how your partner acts. It's the most damaging thing to undergo. It's small changes in behavior and attitude that can transform your relationship. However, this wasn't the case - our case was that our bond was fading...and the 'love' was weakening, for it had not been there on my part.

 

Her sympathy and my life story was her romance. This has been and forever will be the gravy of her affection. I had never been pitied before, and to be openly cared about was something I had not experienced for a long time. Her pity, though not constantly verbalized, was…new. Yet, I had not fallen in love. I cared for her, I admired her, but I had not loved her romantically. I had been engrossed in the idea of someone loving me, and though I knew that I would never feel the sheer happiness I had with Maria, that I had not felt the consuming warmth of love itself, I accepted when she pitched the idea of a relationship to me. Finally, someone who cared and appreciated. Someone who would love and not judge, finally.

 

…But is that enough? Wasn't something more required? Something stronger than a feeling of acknowledgement? Something more mutual, powerful, and benefiting than a relief? No, unfortunately, "enough" was all a person such as myself could hope for in the life I lead, and "enough" was all I could give her.

 

Now, I knew her well. I had analyzed her just as she had analyzed me. It took not a month, not week, not a year, but a glance. An exchange of eye contact, and I had predicted her personality, and she had predicted mine. So when she confessed the intimacies of her feelings with only a handful of words that were full of promises and assurances, I knew these were words that had come from a person she does not let 'just anyone' see. This was the Rouge that she hid safely behind an alter ego that she created for herself called, "The World's Greatest Treasure Hunter," just as I have by hiding behind the image of, "The Ultimate Lifeform." We both understand the need to protect ourselves with a strong offense - a mask, a person others perceive us to be and play into it. We both have a subconscious fear of letting someone in and trusting them enough to see us for who we are. We are more alike than we know.

 

…And that, was the sign of a weak relationship. To have someone understand a deep-rotted emotionality is a blessing in disguise - but what about someone to heal and explain what can be done to break the habit? Two emotionally closed people, do not heal each other in the end. They open up to only each other. They connect, but they don't compliment, complete, or improve each other, and shut out the world even more. This does not make either person happy or mentally fit. When something comes in between these two once heavily guarded people that feels deceitful or threatening to their emotions, they lash out at one another, and give into the situation easily by falling back behind their defensive shield. No one is eager to 'try harder.' I do not want an emotional replica of the defensive offense I put up, whereas hers is a 'impersonally seductive' smirk and mine is a 'callously cold' glare - or as so people define us. It has not helped me break the shell I've been in. It has not uplifted me to the ultimate or fullest brink of happiness. My relationship with her has not benefited or changed what still holds me back. I do not feel like I'm truly living. The dedication she insinuated in the beginning to always be there for me has not held up this relationship or patch the cracks, and has even made me, at the most, drift further away from her. I feel like I've simply 'settled' because 'no one else' will show me what Rouge has shown me. Though no one will, I came to the realization that anyone can. Anyone can tell me how they will care for me, that they understand my inner pain, that they love me. Anyone can say it with all the honesty and truth in the world.

 

This is more than me, and much more than her.

 

Yet after all these years of 'trying it out', I hereby plead guilty, because I do not feel as deeply for her as she does me. No, not even now. I feel even more detached. What she has of me is my past. What I have of her is her pity for that past.

 

I found myself trying to list attributes about her to convince myself I felt as strongly as she did - her independence, her ruthlessness, her combat skills, and yet these were not significant factors that added up to sustaining love or a long-term relationship. What I 'loved', was her pity. Her sympathy. Her devotion. It fed me. That is what stood out to me. Though sooner than later, the effect of what had been feeding me wore off.

 

It also came to be that I could not be everything she wanted me to be. She has been willing to sacrifice herself for me, but she will not sacrifice her needs or her habits for me, as I cannot change for her.

 

I did not feel any closer by our 'relationship' interactions or the physical intimacy she attempts to perform - I feel distant, confused, lost, pressured, uptight, standoffish, cruel, even more shut down. It is hard enough to let someone into my mind, so the physical walls would logically be harder to breach. She felt the hesitance I believed I was so skillful at hiding during all this, and since she is not a person of patience, this is gradually starting to discourage her, leaving the encounters awkward and full of stress, and making her feel guilty to the point of no return. She has never been at fault, and I do not doubt her love - we just simply can't connect congruently, or deeply.

 

All of these issues are causing her to distance from me, and the longer the mile between us, the more it inflicts the Dark Team's alliance, for we have become divided.

 

This has not become a lasting fantasy. This has become baggage. She's thirty; she's tired of it, and so am I. The silence is unbearable. The sighs are wearisome. We were better off as team-mates, as allies, as...companions, despite the evidence that we did not spend time in one another's company unless it had been mission-business back then.

 

It is true that having feelings for someone and being in a relationship with someone are two completely different experiences. Unfortunately, I did not have the feelings that would've fueled the relationship's stamina from the start.

 

…I'm not happy. I'm not unhappy.

 

I'm…hmph, I'm tired.

 

And I...am not happy enough.

 

~*

 

Then...he came into the picture, and...I didn't expect any of this to happen the way it did.

 

It was just his atmosphere; his words. Words that...heh, that changed my life. He didn't need to save my life for me to find myself sinfully trying to predict our future together. He just talked.

 

~*~*

 

Then...she came into it all, and...I didn't expect any of this to happen the way it did.

 

It was just her energy; her smile. A smile that...changed everything I once knew. She didn't need to gain my trust, or promise me her support for me to be able to consider her. She just smiled.

 

~*

 

...He made me feel so selfless. Like, his atmosphere and knowledge inspired me to look at myself differently, to find a strength in me I never really knew was there, to open my mind, and do greater things that have nothing and everything to do with me.

 

In addition, he is the person who has shown me that there is room left to grow in everyone. He's brought me to a level I've never reached. The improvement I've had within myself is outstanding! He is determined not to take a single moment or aspect in his life for granted, and now I'm learning the same thing.

 

The bubble I had been in, the bubble of being so blown away and enraptured in Sonic, the bubble that protected my happiness from being tarnished by the real world, had been doing more damage to me from the inside. My eyes are brighter now. My head is running at a new speed. I see all colors now, and not just blue. Not even just black and red! I'm not stuck on him to where I don't see everything else. no, with him, I'm seeing everything. I never thought we could find each other like this, or in this predicament...but wasn't this expectable, in its own funny way? Heh.

 

~*~*

 

...She made me selfless, to where her energy and insight inspired me to open my eyes wider than I have, to want to experience the world instead of cutting myself off from it, to succeed in greater achievements and identify outlooks on life that have nothing and everything to do with me.

 

In addition, she is not just a person who has proclaimed their care, love, and support to me - she is the person who affects me and my perspectives on life, she is the person who is able to reach out to me and remind me of who I could have been, she is the person who...has the potentiality to show me the difference between living and surviving...just as she had done on Space Colony Ark. The only person I've ever dared to share Maria's promise with.

 

The walls that I have put up - the walls that protect me in every way imaginable - have been crushing in on me instead of shielding me. I've let so many things pass me by...and she inspires me to take a chance. If I don't, how will I ever know what it's felt like?

 

~*

 

He made me feel accomplished; fulfilled.

 

I...can't exactly explain all of it right now.

 

~*~*

 

I was reborn; complete.

 

...And you will soon understand exactly what I'm talking about.

 

~*

 

And I think...

 

~*~*

 

I'm afraid to say that...

 

~*~*~*

 

...We're in love.

 

~*

 

And for once, I'm not overwhelmed by him and my infatuation, I'm sober with him!

 

~*~*

 

For once, I can't believe that's something I can even admit to without sneering. For the love of Chaos Emeralds, you will not witness me say this aloud. Have I made myself clear? Hmph, it better be.

 

~*

 

Mm, the experience...oh, the experience. I love experiencing him more than my heart can hold, but...

 

~*~*

 

Experiencing her, experiencing this, is of one I've never imagined possible, and yet...

 

~*

 

...Do I really want to choose between having Sonic in my life, or losing him because I caught feelings for...?

 

Oh...

 

~*~*

 

...Do I want to choose between having Rouge in my life as even an ally, or saluting her farewell because I'm longing for...?

 

Hmph.

 

~*~*~*

 

…It's not exactly what we expected, but did any of us really know what to expect?

 

It wasn't meant to be. It just...happened. Or, maybe it was always meant to be. Maybe it was predictable.

 

Maybe.

 

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I hope it's not too confusing, and that you get the general idea and issues. You'll get it better when they're actually portrayed in the story. This is basically my view on the fan-couples SonAmy and Shadouge. It'll also show my personal take on the dominant message ShadAmy has on both.

 

This isn't a thing where Shadow and Amy are 'confiding' in each other's problems, it's actually a thing where they form a connection and share a bond of love that's not only different, but stronger than with the partners they have settled for in this story.

 

Like this story? Then tell me about it in a review! :)