Hikaru's Fanfic: One-Shot
[ P - Pre-Teen ]
Hi everyone! I'm Hikaru Amano, and I'm going to write and fanfic for fanfiction.net just like Vegeta did! Now, I think my fanfic's going to be better than his, because I write a lot more fanfic than he does. I write lots of Gekiganger and Gundam Wing fanfics. I even did a crossover once. Joe and Trowa maKe such a cute couple, don't you agree? (Did I mention that I write Yaoi?) But anyway, this is my first one on the web. The others are in my fanzines. Uh, would you like to know more about my fanfics? No? Okay, on with the story.
I suppose you're wondering what the title is by now. A good fanfic need a good title, so I thought up a good one. I think you'll like it. Here it is. Ready?
Hikaru's Non-Redundant Self-Insertion Nadesico Fanfic
See? That's a good title. It's a Nadesico fanfic, and I'm in it, which makes it a self-insert. But the key is that it's a non-redundant self-insert, which means that I naturally live in it, and I'm not just inserting me as a fanfic writer into it. Of course, if it was a redundant self-insert, that might be pretty cool, too. Then me as a fanfic writer could meet and talk to me as an Aestivalis Pilot. We could exchange Halloween masks!
(Hey, that was pretty deep, huh? Sort of like that episode of Evangelion where Shinji is trapped in that other dimension and has to talk to himself or something.)
Anyway, here's the story. We were under attack by the Jovians again. This was the biggest armada that we'd ever seen. It stretched across the entire continent. And it was a wide continent, too. In fact, it was probably Eurasia. And it was the Latitude of Eurasia, not the Longitude, so none of you skeptics can say, "Oh, well it wasn't that wide!" because it was.
So it was the Jovians against us, the Nadesico. And this time there were any UAEF forces backing us up. No sir. Not a one. But that was understandable, considering the fact that the last time there were UAEF ships, we wound up firing on them and the Lizards. Kind of freaky, huh?
So anyway, all of our Aestys launched, including me. Ryoko, Izumi, Akito, and Akatsuki all got shot down almost immediately. But don't worry because they didn't die. Nope. Nobody dies in this fic... except maybe Erina. Erina is a bossy mommy, so she dies. No, on second thought, she doesn't die either. See, if she died, they'd probably give her a posthumous two-rank promotion, and then when she got reincarnated into a tree, she wouldn't be an ordinary tree. She'd be Captain Tree, and she'd use that as an excuse to boss all of the other trees around, and I like trees too much to do that to them, and so Erina doesn't die in this fanfic.
No, here's what happened to Erina. After all of those lawsuits from our firing on friendlies, NERGAL had a loss on their account books, and since Minato doesn't really need an assistant helmswoman, Erina got laid off. We gave her a nice parachute with a NERGAL logo as severence pay, though. Right in the middle of the Jovian attack. But she didn't die. Of course, that doesn't mean that they didn't fire at her a bit. But they didn't hit her. They did hit her lovely parachute, though. But she was okay. She landed on some rose bushes. But she didn't die.
So anyway, it was me versus the Jovians. And to make a long story short, I beat them single=handedly. I'd go into details, but I don't like to brag. And quit saying that dirty word while pretending to cough!
Well, after I single-handedly beat that giant force of Jovians without getting shot, I was proclaimed the greatest Aesty pilot in the world! No, the universe! And Mr. Prospector said, "Hikaru, you're so great, why don't you take over as Captain of the Nadesico?"
And I thought it over and decided not to, since if I became Captain, that'd mean that our current captain would have to go. And I kind of like our Captain (but not that way!) so I decided just to stay an Aestivalis Pilot.
No, on second thought I did decide to accept being captain of the Nadesico. And Captain Misumaru left the ship. She took Mr. Aoi with her, but nobody noticed. They got married and lived happily ever after. Isn't that nice?
Then I kicked Megumi off the ship, too. You see, if I kick both Yurika and Megumi off the ship, then that frees Akito up for Ryoko! (Since everyone knows how much she wants to go out with him.) So Ryoko and Akito went out together... but not before Akatsuki and Akito kissed, made up, and slept together. (Did I mention that I write Yaoi? I did, didn't I? Oh well, I think I'll mention it again. I write Yaoi.)
So with Megumi and Erina getting kicked off the ship, I decided to hire the Rowe family--Sleggar, Mirai, and Stacy--as Aesty pilots. Except for Mirai. I moved Minato over to communcations officer and had Mirai as our helmswoman. Isn't that cool? The helmswoman from Gundam as our helmswoman? And we all lived happily ever after.
Hikaru's ReviewsHikaru: Well, it's been a week since I submitted my fanfic to Fanfiction.net. Let's see if I got any reviews. Oh, here's one!
PUKE! PUKE! PUKE! PUKE! PUKE! --Can't believe I wasted five minutes on this garbage () Hikaru: Wah! Who'd want to say something like that to poor little old me?
ARE YOU CRAZY? WHY WOULD I WANT TO GO OUT WITH THAT PATHETIC DORK TENKAWA?! YOU OUGHT TO GO OUT WITH HIM, SINCE YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT HIM! --Ryoko (firstname.lastname@example.org) Hikaru: Well, excuse me! Some people have no sense of humor at all!
Hey! I'm not bossy! And you're wasting valueable company time and resources writing these stupid fanfics of yours. You should be doing spot checks on your Aestivalis, and be ready to attack whenever we need you! This is a battleship, not a comic book stand! And next time, give me that two-rank promotion and KILL THE CAPTAIN! --Erina Won (email@example.com) Hikaru: Aaahhh, help! Erina possessed the computer!
That was really funny, but isn't Stacy Rowe a character from Daria? --Akito Tenkawa (firstname.lastname@example.org) Hikaru: Huh? That's weird. I thought she was a character from Evangelion. Oh, well. This was just a rough draft, anyway.
Omigosh! I got Yurika? This is great! What a fantastic story! Write more! --Jun Aoi (email@example.com) Hikaru: Finally, a positive review! Thank you, Mr. Aoi. I knew you'd like it!
Idiots. --Ruri Hoshino (firstname.lastname@example.org) Hikaru: Um... is that good or bad? echo '
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