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Mew: Pokémon Porn Star???
Disclaimer: I don't own Poké, Sonic, Final Fantasy 7, ect., so go get yourselves a coke and have a hell of a good time, y'hear? ^__^
The sun rises, as we look over...Whirl Islands...
Lugia: (Watching American Idol) Man, what a bunch of posers...
Celebi: But this show wasn't supposed to be on till tommorow!
Lugia: We get our shows on FOX a day in advance. ^__^
Celebi: I should've known...
Meanwhile, at the Local Starbocks in Kanto...
Mewtwo: (sipping a coffee) So then, he says "Hey, if I'm a Blue Eyes White Dragon, then how do I compare to Bahamut ZERO?"
Sonic and Shadow: (Bust out laughing)
Mew: ^__^ You're so funny, Mewtwo! I love your humor!
Mewtwo: Well, thanks, Mew.
Sonic: Boy, you two must love being together...
Mew: Damn skippy!
Suddenly, Rouge comes in to the Starbocks...with loads of cash too!
Rouge: (Placing 200 bucks on the counter) Double Amaretto Capucinno, please?
Clerk: (Too busy staring at Rouge's revealing cleavage)
Rouge: -__- TODAY, BOY!
Clerk: Oh, right! Sorry! (Makes the capucinno and hands it to Rouge)
Rouge: Men...they always want to see my goods...
Mewtwo: Hey...you're that one spy chick with the big boobs, right?
Rouge: Yeah. Why don't you say it a little louder?
Mewtwo: Ok...HEY, EVERYONE! THIS CHICK HAS ENORMOUS BREASTS!
Everyone stares at Rouge now.
Rouge: ...Yeah, it's me, alright...
Mew: (Whispers to Mewtwo) They're fake, you know?
Sonic: So, what happened with you and Knux, Rouge?
Rouge: Well, me and him were at that nice pizza place over by where Joey's is, right? So, I go there, then some guy says "Hey, you're that chick in the magazine!"
Shadow: 2 HOT 4 U?
Rouge: Yeah. Well, he goes and says that I'm supposedely a global wide sex symbol! (Sighs) I feel so loved...
Mew: I'll bet...you even got Mewtwo impressed...
Mewtwo: What? She's got nice looking eyes! (Actually, he's staring at her chest...)
Rouge: My eyes are on my head, Mewtwo...
Mewtwo: Right! What'd I say? (Looks at Mew)
Mew: (Shakes her head)
Rouge: Did I mention it sorta made me rich, cause they wanted me to pose in the same magazine too? ^__^
Mew: Easy money for modeling, eh?
Rouge: Yeah! You haven't considered it?
Mewtwo: (Laughs) Mew'd never do that!
Sonic: I don't know...I kinda wonder what's under that pink fur of her's...
Shadow: (Punches Sonic in the arm) Shut up, dude!
Mew: (Is gone now)
Mewtwo: Now, see what you guys did?! You ran her off!
The next day, Mew heads to the magazine company, 2 Hot 4 U Models Magazine.
Mew: Hi, I'd like to speak with the owner of this magazine.
Receptionist: Ok, just a minute. (Calls the owner) Hi, there's a pink cat-like, pokémon here to see you. (Pause) Ok, thanks. (Hangs up) He'll be right here, Ms...
Receptionist: O.O I didn't know you was THE Mew! The Mew that goes out with Mewtwo!
Mew: ^__^ Well, that's true...
Suddenly, The Owner of the magazine comes in, and it turns out to be...
Montél Vicious: (With some british accent) HELLO! It's me, Montél Vicious!
Mew: Ummm...that's the guy?
Montél Vicious: Hello, ello? (Eyes Mew) You there! You have the body of a venus!
Mew: Hee hee, I seem to have that effect... (sweatdrop)
Montél Vicious: So, Mew, my dear, what brings you to MY magazine, hmmmmmm?
Mew: Well, this may sound weird, but...I wanna try modeling for you.
Montél Vicious: For what reason, might I ask?
Mew: Rouge the Bat said it pays good money! Plus, it makes you very popular...and seem more sexual...
Montél Vicious: ...I see...
Mew: Do I have to be qualified for the job first?
Montél Vicious: What's your size?
Mew: Don't laugh, but it's 12-Double C...
Montél Vicious: And you can fit them into that fur, and they go unnoticed?
Mew: Well, here, let me show you. (Unzips her upper part of her fur, revealing her goods)
Montél Vicious: You'll do fine. Come with me. (Walks to his office)
They go into his office, and after LOTS of paperwork...
Montél Vicious: Ok, one more question...are you afraid of being in the buff, aka, 'Public Nudity'?
Mew: Y-you mean like...me being... (gulp) ...naked?
Montél Vicious: Of course, sweetie pie. What did you think my magazine was?
Mew: I don't know...only Mewtwo has seen me...
Montél Vicious: (Subdued) I see...well, don't worry. This is a private place, no one will see you nude, but me and my camera!
Mew: (Teasing) I don't know...how do I know I can trust you...?
Montél Vicious: (Blushing) Oh ho ho, please Mew! I'm 35, and happily married.
Mew: But you look 17 or 18ish.
Montél Vicious: Men do use cosmetic surgery too, you know?
Later, out in the modeling room...
Montél Vicious: Ok, camera ready, lights ready...one more thing...Mew! Are you ready?
Mew: (In her dressing room) Um, I g-guess so... (Comes out in a robe, and without her usual pink fur on either)
Montél Vicious: Well, child. This is it, you ready to be a star?
Mew: Ready as I'll ever be! Oh, and one more thing...
Montél Vicious: Yes?
Mew: Send the first copy of this to Mewtwo! I wanna give him a little gift...if you catch my drift. ~__^
Montél Vicious: Mew, you know I will, ASAP too!
Mew: Well, shall we begin?
Montél Vicious: Yes, we shall. (Gets camera ready) Show me love now, girl! (Starts taking pictures) (God, I love this job!)
Meanwhile, back at Unknown Dungeon...
Mewtwo: (Playing 'Go Fish' with Lugia) Got any 8s?
Lugia: Go fish.
Mewtwo: God... (searches deck) Well, Lugia, here's the problem, you have all the 8s!
Lugia: .............Go fish!
Mewtwo: Screw this crap! Let's play poker, and I bet 800 money.
Lugia: You're goin' down sucker!
Mew: (Walking into U.D., humming 'the stripper' to herself)
Mewtwo: Mew! Where were you?
Mew: I'm not tellin' you, it's a secret! ~__^
Mewtwo: Uhhhh...you went to Blockbuster and rented Wayne's World?
Mewtwo: Uhhhhhhh...Austin Powers?
Mewtwo: But you said-
Mew: Look, I didn't rent anything. I went somewhere personal, now, I'm going to bed.
Mewtwo: Can I sleep with you tonight?
Mewtwo: (Y-heah! I'm gonna socre with Mew tonight!)
Mew: Excluding love making.
Lugia: I win!
Lugia: Here. (Shows his hand) Straight Flush.
Mewtwo: -__- (Shows HIS hand) 4 Kings, and an Ace!
Lugia: I win!
Mewtwo: (Coming to his senses) ...D'oh!
The next morning...
Mewtwo: (Walking out to get the paper) Man, 800 bucks! I feel like a jackass!
James: Well, hey there, slick! How's that foxy cat of yours?
Mewtwo: She's sleepin'...
James: With you, I bet!
Meowth: Man, she mus' be a demon in da sack!
Mewtwo: You guys are assholes. (Goes inside)
But from inside U.D., Mewtwo can hear...
Sonic: Man, did you see Mew?
Shadow: I dunno what do say except...Damn! She's fine!
Rouge: Eh, I've seen bigger...
Mewtwo: (Going outside again) Hey, if I catch you guys watchin' Mew in the shower again, I'm tear your nuts off! (Goes back inside)
Sonic: Well, the straight man laid his ground down...
They all laugh. Meanwhile, Mewtwo reads the newspaper.
Mewtwo: Let's see, stocks, sports, shocking news! My favorite! (Turns to Shocking News) Let's see. "Yesterday, 2 HOT 4 U Model Magazine sold over two trillion copies featuring their new model." Wow...that's shocking!
Mew: (Yawns) Mornin' Two.
Mewtwo: Hey, Mew, check this out. (Shows Mew the Article)
Mew: WHOA! That's a lot!
Mewtwo: I know...
Mew: Oh, Mewtwo. I gotta go, I got to buy some stuff.
Mewtwo: o__O Like what?
Mew: You know, 'Stuff'!
Mew: Mewtwo, female pokémon have needs too, so shut up! (Flies off)
Mewtwo: Man! PMS at this time of the month? Hoo boy... (Hears a jingle) Mail's here!
Mewtwo goes out to get and finds a current issue of...BUM, BUM, BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUM!!!
Mewtwo: (Gasp) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Lugia: (Out of nowhere) What's wrong, Mewtwo?
Mewtwo: Look! (Shows him the current issue of...)
Lugia: (Screams) WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!?
Later on, Mew returns.
Mew: Hello? Mewtwo? (Flips on the lights, revealing Mewtwo, with an angry look on his face)
Mewtwo: Mew, we have to talk.
Mew: Uhhhh, about what?
Mewtwo: Do you know...WHAT THE HELL THIS CRAP IS?!? (Shows her the current issue of...)
Mew: Oh no! It can't be! The current issue of...ARCHIE'S EROTIC ADVENTURE?!?
Mewtwo: Why'd you waste good money on that piece of garbage?!
Mew: Mewtwo, this ain't ours...it's Ash's.
Mewtwo: (Looks at it) Oh, then send it back to him.
Mew: (Does so, and returns 5 minutes later) He said it was Brock's and he'd give it too him tommorow.
Mewtwo: Ok, lemme see my other mail.
Mew: (I hope he sees my 'personal' letter...hee hee...)
Mewtwo: Bills, bills, Jury Duty...bills, hello, what's this? (Picks up package) This is to inform you, Mewtwo Mewtwo, that you are awfully lucky to have a girl like Mew. Signed, Montél Vicious, 2 HOT 4 U Model Magazine?? What's this?!
Mew: Open it, and see for yourself.
Mewtwo opens it and finds the current issue of...
Mewtwo: You were in this magazine?!
Mew: Just for you, my Mewtwo!
Mewtwo flips through the many pages...
Mewtwo: (Sees a pic) Whoa.
Mew: I know!
Mewtwo: (Sees a better pic) Whoa!
Mew: Tantalizing, isn't it? ~__^
Mewtwo: (Sees a BETTER pic, and drools)
Mew: I'm sexy, aren't I?
Mewtwo: Mew...I've never wanted to make love to you like more than anything in the world!
Mew: Well, what are we waiting for?! Do me now! (Rips her fur off)
Mewtwo: (Gets pinned down by Mew) I guess Steven Tyler is right. Falling in love IS hard on the knees!
Mew: Fine, just do me, dammit! (They start making sweet love)
Outside, watching in the window...
Sonic: Man, I've heard of puppy love, but THIS is too much!
Tails: Eh, Cream does it a lot better...
The next day...
Mew: (Counting her money) 1,000...2,000...man, Mewtwo...I'm as rich as Rouge now!
Mewtwo: As long as you stay sexy, you'll always be rich in my opinion.
Mew: Oh, Mewtwo... (Kisses Mewtwo on the mouth)
Mewtwo: Lemme see what's on the news... (Flips on TV)
Joey McMonstro: In other news, a new model appeared in 2 HOT 4 U model magazine. Her name...Amy Rose!
Mewtwo: O.o Amy Rose?!
Mew: Oh, no! My career is ruined! (Starts bawling)
Mewtwo: Aw, Mew...it's just that old stars fade an-
Rouge: (Busting in) That slut! I want her dead!
Mewtwo: No! Don't kill Mew! She's too sweet!
Rouge: No, Amy Rose!
Mew: She killed your career too?!
Rouge: Damn right!
Mewtwo: We gotta find a way to stop her, that little hellcat!
Mew: (Cha-ching!) Hey, I know! Rouge... (Whispers something in her ear)
Rouge: You mean like...on camera?!
Mew: No, like on Pay-Per-View on Friday Night at Midnight!
Rouge: Eeeeewwwww, you're sick, Mew!
Mewtwo: What do you mean?
Mew: Well, Mewtwo, if you wanna know how to make me famous again... (Whispers her plan to Mewtwo)
Mewtwo: WHAT?!? That's just sick!
Lugia: Hey guys, what about-
Mewtwo: Not now, Lugia!
While Mew and gang plans how to stop Amy Rose, we join a certain Magazine owner...
Montél Vicious: (On the phone with his agent) Well, I dunno. Mew was a big success, but Amy Rose looks attractive...No, you're stupid! You know what...yeah. You're fired! Bye! (Hangs up)
Mew suddenly comes in.
Mew: How could you hire that hellcat?!
Montél Vicious: What?
Mew: She beat my cover sensless!
Montél Vicious: Amy Rose hit hard, I guess.
Mew: Well, guess what? I'll go her one better than that!
Montél Vicious: How?
Mew whispers into Montél's ear what her devilish idea is.
Montél Vicious: WHAT?!? That-that-that...
Meanwhile, at U.D...
Mewtwo: (Still playing poker with Lugia) Does a Straight beat it?
Lugia: Nope, Straight doesn't beat it a Royal Straight!
Mewtwo: -__- I need to beat Lugia someday...
Mew: (Breaks in) MEWTWO!!! I GOT A JOB TO BEAT AMY!!!
Mewtwo: Poison testing?
Lugia: Date with Tracy?
Mew: ...Pay Per View Porn Star!
Shadow: I'm bigger on Pay Per View...
So, the next day, Mew goes too the Sensual Movies studio...
Steven Viciousberg: So, you wanna beat Amy Rose at her own game, huh?
Mew: Yeah! Gimme a good hot movie! Just look at this ugly and suggestive pose Amy did! She's fickling her folded area!
Steven Viciousberg: (Sees the pic) Be more specific?
Mew: She's playing with her clitoris! How specific is THAT?!
Steven Viciousberg: Let's start flimming, right now...
And as Mew starts her movie, another certain someone comes in...
Steven Viciousberg: Oh, hello?
Rouge: I'd like to-
Steven Viciousberg: Beat Amy at her own game?
Rouge: And I want everyone to see that MY size is better than Amy's.
Mew: Hey, how about a lesbian movie?
Rouge: Mew! Are you serious?!
Mew: I love Mewtwo, but I wanna beat Amy at her own damn game!
Rouge: (Smirks) Well, it sounds fun. I hope Mewtwo won't mind.
Mew: (Whispers) Trust me, he'll be playing 'choke the weedle' if he sees this... (Giggles)
Meanwhile, at Whirl Islands...
Celebi: (Playing poker with Lugia) Royal Flush!
Celebi: Yes! Take it off!
Lugia: Awww, I feel loved... (Does as she commands...)
Suicune: (Busts in) GUYS!!! Mew's gonna be in a-OH, MY GOD! MAKE YOURSELF DECENT, LUGIA!
Lugia: Suicune, this is a private game, come back when it's over.
Suicune: You're not gonna beileve this, but Lugia...Mew's gonna be in an adult movie! It's unspeakable!
Celebi: She's on PPV?
Lugia: ADULT MOVIE?! HOLY COW, I'VE GOTTA SEE THIS! (Runs out of Whirl Islands)
Celebi: He's gonna feel really stupid when he finds out he forgot his fold. (Screams are heard outside) Yep, he knows right about...now.
Back at...Brock's Gym...
Annoucer: Tonight on SPICE Tv, Mew stars in...Pokémon: The Wild Fantasies.
Brock: Oh, this is gonna be so sweet!
James: Pokémon making love is not my bag...
Jessie: He prefers the human species... (Drags James to somewhere private)
Brock: Damn, I wish Jessie'd done that to me!
Back at Sensual Studios...
Steven Viciousberg: Ok, Mew, I want you take the robe off when I begin flimming...
Mew: Ready when you are, Speilberg-er, I mean, Viciousberg.
Steven Viciousberg: Aaaaand, ACTION!
Mew: (As music begins) Hey, Rouge?
Rouge: Yes, Mew?
Mew: I'm so mad right now...
Rouge: I know. Watching that muscleman show really got me aroused...
Mew: (Starts to take her fur off...)
Rouge: (Strips her cat suit...) Oh, Mew, make me believe!
Mew: I will, honey... (And with that, they start making out ferociously)
Later, after that kinky filming...
Steven Viciousberg: Wow, that was an awesome piece of footage...
Rouge: (Gasping for air) Mew...take it easy next time!
Mew: Sorry, but...it's just the kinda woman...I am...
Mewtwo: (Busts in) MEW! WAIT, I HAD ANOTHER IDEA! (Sees the two butt naked on the floor in a 69 position. He gets a big smile...) Damn!
Mew: (Jumps at Mewtwo and glomps him) Oh, Mewtwo! That was so much fun!
Mewtwo: Uhhh...ummm...why are you doing this again? I'm confused?
Mew: To get revenge on Amy, doofus!
Suddenly, after all that 'loving' emotion...
Amy Rose: You sick twits! You nearly wrecked the community with that filth!
Mew: What, you can't compete against hot psychic pokémon action?
Amy Rose: You guys are so disgusting!
Mewtwo: And you masturbating is not? (Shows her the pic of that suggestive act)
Amy Rose: Eeek! I did that?! I don't remember that!
Montél Vicious: (Busts in) Mew, please! Come back to model for me!
Amy Rose: You little asshole! (Slaps Montél Vicious)
Montél Vicious: What did I do to you, child?
Amy Rose: Explain THIS, you italian-sex-a-holic! (Show him the pic)
Montél Vicious: Huh?! I didn't do that!
Mew: But you hired her, Montél!
Montél Vicious: I just wanted her to go topless under a waterfall, and she agreed!
Amy Rose: Well, if you didn't then...who did?
Tracy Sketchit: Afterglow can be so arousing! Hee hee heeeee...
Mew: (Dails 1-800-LAW-SUIT) Yeah, this Mew M. Psychic...yeah, I'm calling to set up a lawsuit against 2 HOT 4 U Magazine and Tracy Sketchit.
Montél Vicious: Lawsuit??
Tracy: (Hand on his face) NOT AGAIN!!!
Back at Whirl Islands...
Donald Trump: You're fired.
Celebi: NOOO!!! PLEASE RECONSIDER!
Lugia: Celebi, calm down! It's just the TV!
Celebi: Lugia! Omarosa got fired! AND SHE HAD SO MUCH POTENTIAL! (Runs out crying)
Lugia: Boy, Reality TV sure sucks!
Shadow: Yep...let's watch Real TV!
Lugia: Ok! (Flips it over to SPIKE Tv to watch Real TV)
Rouge: All right! Let's see if someone gets caught in a car wreck!
Lugia: No, let's see a bull fight go wrong!
They turn to each other...
Lugia: LET'S WATCH SOME DOGS NEARLY KILL SOMEONE!
Shadow: Now, THAT'S entertainment!
Later, at Cerulean City Prison...
Montél Vicious: OH, PLEASE! DON'T LEAVE ME WITH THIS PSYCHO!
Tracy: LET ME OUT OF THIS PLACE! I HATE IT!
Guard: (Zaps them both with a tazer) Keep it down! Some of the convicts are in meditation right now!
Montél Vicious: This is all YOUR fault, Tracy!
Tracy: MY FAULT?! What are you talkin' about?!
Montél Vicious: You ruined my magazine, I gotta spend 6 months in jail, and worst of all...I LOST MY BEST CLIENT!!!
Tracy: You know what's worse? YOU GOTTA SPEND 6 MONTHS WITH ME!!! (Laughs wildly)
Montél Vicious: (Banging on the cell-door now) LET ME OUT! LET ME OOOOOOOOOUT!!!
Outside the prison...
Mewtwo: Well, Mew, I hope you learned something from this...
Mew: Yep. I learned that with every action, there's always a reaction.
Mewtwo: Makes sense...
Mew: I also learned that...YOU SHOULD ALWAYS BE FREE!!! (Rips her fur off, and dances around nude)
Mewtwo: ... (Shakes his head) ...You're just another Heidi Flice, Mew...
Mew: AND I'M DAMN PROUD OF IT!
Mewtwo: (Thoughts) (Maybe I should consider Chipendales...)
Mew: (Smiles widely) Ooooh, baby! Do it for me, Two! Pleeeeeease?!
Mewtwo: Mew! Quit reading my thoughts!