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Disclaimer: same as previous. All right... let's see if I can do this right... - sweatdrops - here is the next chapter... again... And thanks to Shaq for beta-ing. Tasteful Shade of Orange Another bright, sun-filled morning, his mind chirped in false enthusiasm. He was not having a good morning; not a good morning at all. Everything was bloody against him! It was bad enough when he had been jolted awake from another one of those dreams; the ones where stupid, fucking, naked Naruto decided to frolic and prance all over his mind. But it seemed the powers that be decided he hadn't suffered enough. Oh no... Just when he thought things couldn't get any worse, fate made up her flippant mind and dished out another serving. "Poor, little, hormone driven Sasuke," the old crone (fate) rasped within the bowels of his mind. Bah! What did she know? he growled savagely. He punched the offending pillow (the one that carried Naruto's scent and had set off his foul mood) several times before chucking it as far away from him as possible. Damn Naruto to hell! And damn himself for being weak and letting the dumb blonde share his bed the night before! "Stupid!" he muttered. Look what you've done, he scolded, not only are you plagued with dreams, now you're surrounded by his scent! He pulled at his hair. After waking up this morning, he had found himself unbearably hard with his nose buried deep in the folds of the pillow case. He had made a beeline for the bathroom, and when he came out he felt like strangling the blonde. It was hisfault! He sent daggers at the crumpled pillow. Minutes past, before he got up and headed for the door. Training. Training would definitely help his mood. The door was half open when he stopped. A neatly wrapped, cellophane-covered gift basket sat patiently on his doorstep. He blinked. What the hell? Upon closer inspection, he made out what looked to be a vib - Oh hell no! He quickly grabbed the gift, lest someone saw it and thought he was some sort of sick pervert, and scuttled back into his apartment. Within seconds, the cellophane was in the air, and the contents of the basket spilled onto the floor. Several volumes of Kakashi's accursed books flopped onto the carpet like dead fish, looking tattered and worn, and stuffed full of coloured labels. Marked pages? He found a canister of whipped cream, a jar of chocolate body paint, a pair of fluffy handcuffs and other various 'toys'. He shuddered. This was going too far... He swept through the pile, avoiding a ball gag and something he didn't want to touch, and came away with a folded note. 'To the lucky recipient of this delightful basket, This basket contains a whole range of goodies that will provide hours of endless fun for you and your snuggle bunny.' Snuggle bunny? Sasuke's eye twitched. They saw. They saw him spooning Naruto the other morning. Shit! If they saw then... oh crap! They must think he and Naruto had... 'The reading material have all been meticulously marked and labelled for easy access. Red: food fetish. Blue: toys. Yellow: multiple partners. Black: bondage. Green: harmless fun.' Just what did Jiraiya write about?! He shook his head and curbed his thoughts. Knowing would probably mean throwing his sanity out the window. Grabbing a pair of tongs from the kitchen, he placed everything back and chucked it into the nearest closet. --- The sight of Kakashi and Jiraiya talking together in the training grounds made his blood run cold. The names Kakashi and Jiraiya should never be allowed in the same sentence, let alone mixed in with talking and the like. The two men were in deep discussion about something, probably something perverted from the expressions on their faces, and Sasuke felt invisible hands wringing his stomach. It was either: run for the hills, or live through something beyond hellish. He was in mid-pivot when Jiraiya bellowed a loud greeting, and Kakashi clapped a jovial hand on his shoulder. "Shit!" He muttered under his breath, but he was already being led to the white-haired devil by the devil's equally perverted minion. "You weren't thinking of running were you, Sasuke?" Kakashi asked innocently, crescent-shaped eye glinting in mischief. "After all, we have much to discuss." "About?" Sasuke asked, despite his mind's loud protests. Damn his curiosity. "Why Naruto is still walking around so normally," Jiraiya quipped, a look of disappointment trying to mask the sly smile. "What does that have to do with me?" Sasuke was pleased his voice betrayed very little. "Oh?" Jiraiya's brow rose. "Are we going to play that game now?" "I don't know what you're talking about." Sasuke folded his arms defensively around his chest. "Save it for someone who cares, brat." Jiraiya waved a dismissive hand. "But do tell me why Naruto was walking like nothing had happened yesterday. Hm...?" The senin coaxed, completely ignoring the death glares heading his way.
It wasn't that Jiraiya cared about his student's sex life (hell, hearing about it would ruin all future inspirations for his novels), but sex was sex, and regardless of the coupling, it had to be done right. Leaning against a nearby tree, Kakashi watched the scene unfold in silent amusement. "I did not sleep with that dumb ass!" Sasuke hissed. It was obvious Jiraiya wouldn't stop pestering him until he gave him some answers. "Of course there wasn't much sleeping," Jiraiya remarked, "if it was done right. And if the brat's going to be - " and here he paused, furrowed his brows, and wriggled his fingers in the air to get his point across, "Then you could at least do a better job at screwing his brains out." Kakashi snorted, earning himself annoyed glares and you're-not-helping looks. Smiling in apology he watched Sasuke's face wash over with a multitude of emotions. "Now, now Sasuke," Kakashi soothed. "No need to be upset. That's what the books are for." "What?!" Sasuke whirled on his teacher. "You are both out of your mind!" "Yes," Jiraiya agreed while standing from the log he had been perching on. "But we're not in denial, either." "I'm not - " Sasuke began to protest. Jiraiya waved him off, and began heading back. "I'd say waking up spooned against your team mate would be a pretty clear 'Oh mother of all things holy, I fucked Naruto!'?" He choked on the name as a very nude Naruto blew kisses at him in his mind. "Get out!" Both Kakashi and Sasuke jumped at Jiraiya's sudden outburst, and watched with raised eyebrows when the senin started to bat at the air. A sudden bout of insanity? Kakashi thought. "Enough of this chitchat! I have to wake the brat up; no doubt he fell asleep in the shower again." Jiraiya reached the edged of the clearing, stopped and looked over his shoulder. "You coming or what?" Sasuke opened his mouth to refuse, but Kakashi cut him off. "Coming!" Kakashi said with an overly cheerful voice. --- "What?" Naruto's sleepy grunt filtered through the front door. It reluctantly creaked open, revealing a very tired looking blonde dressed in nothing but a pale orange towel. Naruto's mop of hair dripped water past distinct grid-like creases on his cheeks, running down his chest and finally landing in a small puddle at his feet. Sasuke stood beside Kakashi in stunned silence. Gawking over Jiraiya's shoulder, heat surged to his face. If he didn't tear his gaze away soon his clothes would catch on fire. Look away you fool, look away! "Don't you 'What?' me!" Jiraiya's yell made Sasuke blink. Had he been staring?! More importantly had Kakashi caught him? Flicking his gaze up, he felt his heart clench and roll over. The wickedly amused glint and the teasing smile made Sasuke regret having eyes. Fuck! Fuck! And fuck! "You were supposed to meet me at six thirty!" Jiraiya roared. Naruto squinted and blinked. He rubbed at his bleary eyes and tried to dispel the distorted image of an overly large, and excessively shaggy white cheetah that sounded disturbingly like the old pervert. Since when did Konoha have cheetahs? Are cheetahs perverted? Six thirty? "For training!" The toad senin whacked his pupil hard on the head. "Ow!" Naruto rubbed the bump on his head. Stupid perverted cheetah hit me! "Wake - up!" "What the hell?!" His cheeks were pinched painfully and Naruto's blurry vision cleared. "Pervert senin!" he screeched. "Stupid brat!" Another hit. Naruto growled and tackled Jiraiya to the ground. Never mind that he was in nothing but a towel. The senin had crossed the line. He didn't appreciate being brain damaged this early in the morning; correction, he didn't appreciate being brain damaged ever! "Damn brat! What the fuck are you doing?" The rest of Jiraiya's sentence was choked off when Naruto's hands squeezed his windpipe shut. Throughout the throttling, gagging and general fighting, Sasuke observed Naruto's towel with unblinking eyes. The piece of terry cloth clung to Naruto's slim waist for dear life, and on several occasions (in which Sasuke had watched with bated breath) the flimsy cloth had almost fallen to the ground. He was torn between wanting the blasted material to just go up in flames, and wanting to scream at Naruto to get some clothes on. Despite his torment, his mask of nonchalance remained firmly plastered to his face, and this fact comforted his jittery nerves. It didn't improve matters when the green eyed monster reared its ugly head. He was not wishing it was him under Naruto instead of Jiraiya! Of course not! Kicking that disconcerting notion aside, he gathered his composure. It unnerved him how silent Kakashi had been through the entire exchange. He found the jounin watching the fight from behind yet another volume of Icha Icha Paradise. Why wasn't he surprised? "You're getting me wet!" Jiraiya finally managed to trap Naruto's hands and keep the blonde from strangling him further. There was more struggling and Naruto started to move from his straddled position to aim at Jiraiya's vulnerable bits. It was at this moment Sasuke decided enough was enough, and moved to end this nonsense. But he froze when a very large strip of Naruto's thigh flashed through the open slit of the mangled towel. His breath caught. Oh mother of all things holy... "Pervert senin - let - go!" "No," Jiraiya said firmly, amusement colouring his words. "And you better keep that towel on. I don't want my eyeballs shrivelling in their sockets!" Naruto snorted. "You wouldn't be complaining if I was in my sexy no jutsu form." "Will you?" Jiraiya's eyes glittered. "No!" Naruto squawked. The look of utter desolation pummelled the last traces of hope from Jiraiya's face. "In that case," he muttered, "Get dressed! You have visitors." "Eh?" It was only then that Naruto noticed the two men staring down at them. Kakashi's face was threatening to split from the huge grin under his mask and Sasuke looked mortified. It was also then that Naruto came to realise his own state of undress. With speed that would have done Gai proud, Naruto leapt off his teacher, yelled a string of obscenities, clutched at his slipping towel, and ran for his room. Not forgetting to yell "You're all perverts!" before slamming the door shut. --- Sasuke scowled at the far wall. He was not a pervert! And he didn't appreciate being lumped together with those two. He glared moodily at the wall, trying to will holes into Naruto's messy apartment. It was the moron's fault! If he had been born ugly then Sasuke wouldn't have been caught staring, because he wouldn't be staring in the first place! "Brat, stop sulking," Jiraiya ordered from Naruto's couch. "You'll have Naruto all over you eventually." Kakshi smiled from behind his book while Jiraiya continued. "Though, I can't guarantee the towel scene again." Jiraiya snorted. "Who knew walking in on the brat while he was - uh - taking care of things made him self-conscious," he paused and added as an afterthought. "And I'm sorry to say he wasn't moaning your name, brat." Sasuke's eyes bulged, while Jiraiya shuddered at the resurfacing memories. "I had nightmares for a week and writer's block for two." Kakashi nodded in understanding. "I had to dig up the old volumes again." Jiraiya's head bobbed up and down gravely. "Every time I tried to start, the brat would pop up in my head. I felt like gouging my eyes out with a spoon." "Spoon?" Sasuke lazily lifted his head and was not surprised to find Naruto standing in the doorway towelling his hair. "What? Something on my face?" Besides Jiraiya's amused snort, there was only silence. Naruto shrugged, glanced at Sasuke and looked towards Kakashi. The lanky man was perched precariously on the back of his couch, leafing through the latest volume of Icha Icha Paradise. "Kakashi-sensei!" A large grin broke out on Naruto's face. Kakashi tucked his book away and smiled. "I didn't know you're an exhibitionist, Naruto." Blood rushed to Naruto's face, and Sasuke watched in mild curiosity when the blonde started to pluck at his tight-fitting T-shirt. "That was - uh - " Naruto stuttered? "Brat, why is your top threatening to burst at the seams? Don't tell me you spent the whole of yesterday stuffing yourself with ramen." Naruto puffed out his cheeks. "I am not fat! And it's your fault!" "How is it my fault?" "Because you threw me into that bloody river! Now the only clothes that fit me are wet!" Jiraiya's eyes twitched. "It was your own damn fault!" he bit out. It was taking every ounce of his self-control not to shove his foot up the boy's ass. "It's not my responsibility to take care of your personal hygiene as well." "I did not smell that bad!" Naruto yelled, forgetting Kakashi and Sasuke and basically everyone else in the apartment building. The whole building winced in unison. "Skunks were taking frickin' detours around us!" The senin's hands twitched. But the looming image of Tsunade cracking her knuckles over his bloodied and writhing body made him think twice about strangling the boy. "They did not!" --- Ten minutes later, Sasuke found himself making his way towards the training grounds again. It had taken a full five minutes to get the old pervert and Naruto to stop arguing; a further three minutes was needed for Naruto's cup ramen to cook, and then another two minutes went by as Naruto stuffed his face. Sasuke heaved an annoyed sigh and deftly ducked under a branch. A little behind and to his right, Naruto played leap frog with the branches and somewhere within the foliage lurked Kakashi and Jiraiya. The telltale itch between his shoulder blades only added to the feeling of impending doom. "Oi! Pervert-senin!" Birds took flight and Sasuke glanced over his shoulder. Naruto was standing precariously on a branch, eyes fixed on a point to his left. "Perver - " "What?!" Jiraiya snapped, soundlessly landing on the ground below. "I need to finish training early!" "What?! You wake up late, and now you want to leave early?! You ungrateful, brat!" Kakashi appeared next to Jiraiya, book securely in his hand, and Sasuke grunted in irritation. When the hell would training start?! "Hey! I'm not stupid! I need to get some bloody clothes! These are going to end up ripped when I'm done training!" And to demonstrate his point, Naruto lifted his arm and the side seam was no more. "Go shopping after training!" Jiraiya growled unfazed. "And I'm sure the other brat won't mind seeing more skin." Why the hell was he getting dragged into this? Sasuke gnashed his teeth together, trying to redirect the blood rushing to his face. Was it pick-on-Sasuke-day today? There was a moment's pause, before Naruto decided to brush it aside. Whatever the old pervert was referring to could wait; he needed clothes! "But Lee offered to take me to this place that sells real cheap clothes!" he whined. "Lee? Gai's - ?" Jiraiya looked over at Kakashi, hoping he had gotten the wrong person. But the jounin only nodded with an indulgent smile. "You're not going shopping with that boy!" "Why the hell not?!" "Have you seen what he wears?" "Yeah, so?" How dense could the boy be? He dragged in an exasperated breath. "Fine. You can go, but you have to take him," he jerked his thumb to a wide-eyed Sasuke, "with you." "What?!" Both boys cried in outrage. "I'm not letting you go unsupervised. God forbid you come back looking like Gai." Jiraiya shuddered at the memory of Naruto holding up the green leotard. "But why?" Naruto shrieked. "It's not my problem the moron has bad fashion sense," Sasuke protested. He was not going shopping with Naruto, let alone Lee. "I have great fashion sense!" "Ha! Who was the one running around Konoha for the last few years in a lurid orange outfit?" "That was a tasteful shade of orange!" "Sasuke you're going, and that's final." "Don't I get a say in this?" "No." Author's note: Sorry for the very long wait... you wouldn't believe how many times I've rewritten this... - scowls - I think rewriting is becoming one of my bad habits. And we see Shaq nodding her head over there... but yes... that's the end of that chappie... chapter three... well... it'll come out when it comes out. - sweatdrop - If you guys are dying to find out when... check my profile every few months or so... 'cos that's how seriously stuck I am these days. Shaq's input: - nods - Very true. Fic was written, rewritten, and written again. Horrible habit, I tell you. Heh, heh. I'm sure you'll be able to scrap together another chapter. Just...need time, is all.
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