| "The Rowanoak Chronicles" Reviews/Comments [ 13 ] | Title: Chapter 11
Reviewed By: Diamondlance On: March 16, 2008 02:47 CDT
Comment/Review:
Been a while, just coming up for air seeing as it's Spring Break. Nice introduction of magic in the battle. It'll also be fun and interesting to watch Heather and Willis grow as traveling partners, because they've got a long way to go! Also, nice piece of suspense at the end to keep me wanting to come back for more.
| Title: Chapter 10
Reviewed By: Diamondlance On: January 10, 2008 13:30 CST
Comment/Review:
Mansi and Petra...I laughed out loud a few times reading this chapter! Definitely a good dose of comic relief throughout the chapter. Impressive that the three managed to survive the fight with the Mountain Cockatrice with no lasting injury. Petra's personality was developed very well here. Something Petra said suggested to me that she and Mansi have more in common than one might think at first glance: '"Cowardice," grumbled Petra under her breath. She swung herself into a pine tree and climbed out onto a limb over the beast. "To hurt the world because of your mistake..."'. They both share a deep respect for nature. It took a little while and it's not quite there yet, but I definitely see a bit more connection with the main plot in this chapter as opposed to chapter 6.
| Title: Chapter 9
Reviewed By: Diamondlance On: January 10, 2008 00:30 CST
Comment/Review:
This chapter seemed to have a bit more action, and the ending promised more to come in this group's next episode. Guess we'll just have to see what happens next! Nothing much new to say about this chapter specifically.
| Title: Chapter 8
Reviewed By: Diamondlance On: January 10, 2008 00:10 CST
Comment/Review:
I'm going to stop trying to assign numbers here with the ratings, at least until I get to the end of the fic...what I comment on here will help you more than numbers could anyway. I saw the unloaded gun coming a mile away...that was definitely an interesting predicament we find Samuel in at the end there. A pretty slow chapter overall, maybe a bit too slow, although we're still introducing the character of Samuel here I realize. See you next chapter!
| Title: Chapter 7
Reviewed By: Diamondlance On: January 09, 2008 12:20 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 7 of 10
Overall Rating: 7 of 10 Comment/Review:
Headed for Martag, then...perhaps Gideon and Mansi will become a part of the main story soon. Todd seems to play dramatic foil to Willis, which should make for an interesting dynamic. Sadler's dungeon expertise made for a nice way to escape. Just one thing: "He was a tall man, well over six feet, with thick arms and chest from hauling firewood to all of the rooms of the castle." If you're using your own measurements for Rowanoak, you should be consistent, but I presume this was not intentional.
| Title: Chapter 6
Reviewed By: Diamondlance On: January 09, 2008 03:01 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 6 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 6 of 10
Overall Rating: 6 of 10 Comment/Review:
I know the story's set up so that each group appears every four chapters, but this chapter almost seemed like an interruption for a substory. Not to say it was a bad chapter, it's just hard to see the relevance of Mansi and Gideon's story to the main plot. Sabre et al are on the way to Rowanoak to warn the king, and may very well meet Samuel/Neil in Sun Bay. Heather's point of view brings new light to the situation in Rowanoak, but Mansi and Gideon somehow seem disconnected from all that at this point. At least they found the vase!
| Title: Chapter 5
Reviewed By: Diamondlance On: January 09, 2008 02:39 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 6 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 6 of 10
Overall Rating: 7 of 10 Comment/Review:
At the beginning of the chapter, you say it had been almost a week since the trio had left Cita behind. However in the sixth paragraph of the chapter you write "They all felt refreshed after a lunch of fish Hunter caught from a stream they past, even though the dark memories of the prior day were never far from their minds. ". The plot didn't progress in this chapter as much as I had hoped; perhaps excessive emphasis was placed on the crowdedness of the city. All in all the chapter seemed a bit lengthy with not much action or plot development involved, save for the introduction of a few potentially important characters. In light of what I said in my review of chapter 2, it was nice to see Hunter's character take shape more. I'd also infer that Samuel will be meeting our friends Sabre, Zia, and Hunter soon.
| Title: Chapter 4
Reviewed By: Diamondlance On: January 09, 2008 02:06 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 7 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
Probably the best chapter yet, I'd say. Both Neil and Samuel were introduced impeccably, and your description of the NPCs, so to speak, as well as the surroundings, continue to amaze, but they seemed even a bit more lively in this chapter. I'm glad you decided to include the King Spider battle in the chapter; it gave some closure to the episode as well as introducing Neil's character a bit more. I see that 'taez' is another unit of measure which I'd infer to be analogous to feet based on context.
| Title: Chapter 3
Reviewed By: Diamondlance On: January 09, 2008 01:41 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 7 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
First off, to get the spelling out of the way, horses have reins, with no g. Level of typos is pretty consistent; they don't interfere with understanding. I am also realizing that you are integrating your own units of measure: the 'celom', which also explains the 'rawn' in chapter 1. A comparison to standard measures would be helpful for visualization purposes. I especially enjoyed Willis' antics; they helped liven up the middle of the chapter while introducing one of your main characters. Interesting twist at the end of the chapter. I look forward to seeing where this goes.
| Title: Chapter 2
Reviewed By: Diamondlance On: January 09, 2008 01:18 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 7 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 7 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
Unlike Sabre, Zia, and Hunter, Gideon and Mansi seem to have well-defined personality traits and mannerisms from the start, so that's a definite plus in this chapter. One reaction I had was when I read "Mansi glanced back and read `You are now approaching Martag, the city closest to Rowanoak Castle.'", I saw the connection between this new chapter and Sabre's story, so that's another plus. I wouldn't have ended the chapter where you did, maybe go through the battle like you did in the previous chapter, but I know it was probably just to build suspense. I noticed very few typos that didn't interfere with the meaning of what was going on, so yet another plus. And I'm interested in what happens next, so I guess that's the biggest plus of all.
| Title: Chapter 1 Review
Reviewed By: Diamondlance On: January 09, 2008 00:51 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 5 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 7 of 10
Overall Rating: 7 of 10 Comment/Review:
It's been so long since I've read any of this that I'll start from the beginning again. As Drake noted, I noticed you chose to allude to the overlord in the first chapter. May be a bit early because I haven't had much time to 'care' about the characters yet, but we'll see how it unfolds. As for the grammar, kudos because I think I could count the typos with my fingers...just one thing that stuck out, and maybe it's just something I don't understand. When you introduce the Trap Horn, you say "It had to be a fully rawn long." I'm not sure what 'rawn' is, and it's not in my dictionary, so I presume it's a typo, but I'm not sure what you were trying to say (other than it was really big). I'm interested to see where this goes, so I'd say mission accomplished overall for the first chapter. Nice work!
| Reviewed By: Drake Pegasus On: December 19, 2007 14:57 CST
Comment/Review:
I was able read chapters 5 and 9 today, so that's some progress at least. T_T Lousy PC not working when it needs to. I'm also slightly delirious from the sudden heat wave, so bear with me. I remembered saying last time that I liked Zia's method of communication, so let me start by repeating that. ^^ I'm impressed that the shady, raspy figure got outed so quickly, but mentionin Cita I guess it was unavoidable. Next chapter: Boss Fight! I'll try and get on and continue as soon as possible. Til next chapter, cya!
| Reviewed By: Drake Pegasus On: November 26, 2007 14:04 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 7 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Overall Rating: 7 of 10 Comment/Review:
I've never been one for detailed comments, as you know, but I'll try. I'm also fried at the moment, though, so my line of reasoning may be a bit off. It's a good first chapter, though it's pace is somewhat confusing. Starting with the tragedy already in effect and bringing up the backstory, while at the same time describing the Big Bad and alluding to the higher plot... it's a bit much to take in. You've mentioned time and time again that you prefer main plots to show up sooner, but sometimes people prefer to pick up speed gradually. That's all I can really come up with ATM. I'm fighting exhaustion, but I'll read another chapter or two in a few hours. Sorry for the inexcusable wait!
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