|"Shadow's within the Darkness" Reviews/Comments [ 3 ]|
| Reviewed By: Mika_chan [MediaMiner Member] On: October 25, 2013 19:24 EDT|
Really excited to see where you take this :)
| Title: One more thing...|
Reviewed By: entropistanon [MediaMiner Member] On: May 06, 2013 10:11 EDT
Your title is grammitcally incorrect - it should read "shadows" without the apostrophe. Fixing the title should give you more readers.
| Title: Good story!|
Reviewed By: entropistanon [MediaMiner Member] On: May 06, 2013 10:08 EDT
Style of Writing: 7 of 10Comment/Review:
Spelling & Grammar: 5 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10
Hi there, thanks for sharing your story! There are a few spelling and grammar errors that can be fixed through a few minutes of editing, but otherwise, I really like this so far. I'm curious to know how Kagome survived in that cell for five centuries without aging, and I can't wait to know how she got there in the first place. The character voices were spot on, and I like the way the dialogue sounded in my head; very natural. The only thing that gave me pause were the couple of odd references to Botan and Kagome as being female. They just didn't seem to fit very well, though I know what you were trying to say. Perhaps a small rewording is in order? I also thought that the time it took to clean off Kagome was a bit quick for 500 years of grime, if that makes any sense. But the rest was really good. One thing I would really like to let you know, though, is that your summary is fine. You don't need to suppliment it with the statement that you suck at summaries. In fact, that might turn off potential readers, so I would suggest removing that from the summary, as well as the pleas for reviews. It might make others think you're being too demanding. Anyway, I really hope I helped out in some way, and I can't wait to read more. Again, thanks for sharing!