/ ❯ Son Goten's Guide to Getting a Date ❯ One-Shot

Goten waves to the reader (yes, baka, that's you!). He is dressed in a white tank top, with a red, silk, short-sleeved shirt, unbuttoned, and a pair of soft black pants, with a black belt.

Goten: Hi, everyone! Welcome to my handy dandy guide for single people. Trunks, you better take some notes man... Marron told me what you did at her school. Tsk Tsk, for shame!

A thin book (Vegeta's Guide To Cooking) hits the back of Goten's head. He runs his hands through his hair.

Goten: Doof! Watch the hair!

Trunks: Baka! Marron and I are just FINE!

Goten: So why is she dating me tonight, ne? *grins goofily*

Swearing can be heard and Goten throws up an energy shield to deflect the mass assault of varied projectiles that make their way to his gorgeous bod. Goten smirks.

Goten: Now the first thing you need to get a date is one of these. *holds up his cell phone* Cell phones make you look 1. Important and 2. That you have money. Chicks dig important men with money. Although some cases *looks at Trunks* not even that is good enough.

Trunks: *smirks* You're just jealous I beat you in our sparring match last night... when Marron was watching...

Goten: *smirks back* Yeah, I was in so much pain last night, but Marron stayed with me, easing my aches, even though it took aaaaallll night...

More cursing and Trunks chases Goten across the room. Goten laughs insanely. He suddenly stops and holds up his hand. Trunks smacks into it.

Trunks: *not moving and sounds kinda muffled* What?

Goten: I need to get back to my lesson, man. Capeesh?

Trunks: *pulls back* Yeah, whatever. Just keep your hands off my Marron.

Goten: *purposely avoiding to answer* ANYWAY, so now you have a cell phone. NEVER give out your home number, only your cell number.

Reader raises his hand.

Random Reader: What if your cell battery dies or something?

Goten: Okay, with your cell phone you should always have voice mail. And a spare battery. In the event that you miss a call, no sweat. A chick will keep trying to reach you.

The ringing of a cell phone is heard and both Trunks and Goten pull theirs out.

Trunks/Goten: Hullo?

Trunks smirks triumphantly, and Goten sticks his tongue out at him and hangs up his phone.

Trunks: Hey, Marron! Listen, I really wanted to see you tonight... I thought maybe we could go for a walk on the beach, have a picnic dinner watching the sunset... a bottle of wine... you do? You would? Great! How about I pick you up at 4:30 then? Great, I'll see you later... *hangs up his phone and beams. Goten's cell phone rings.*

Trunks: Gee, who could that be??? *laughs*

Goten: When expecting bad news, do NOT answer your phone. Let the voice mail get it. When expecting a date to CANCEL *glares at Trunks* you need to act quick. First of all, plan a once in a lifetime date. Then when you are talking to your date, drop the bomb on where you are going, inform her that's a shame she'll miss out, and that you need to go to make other arrangements. Observe...

Goten's phone is still ringing so he answers it.

Goten: Hullo? Oh hey, Marron, what's up? Can't make it? That's a shame... how come? Oh... yeah I understand... I hope Turtle feels better *rolls his eyes* It's okay, but listen, I gotta go or I'm gonna be late, I got great seats for tonight and I don't want to have to fight the cr... huh? Oh, I got us tickets to Phantom of the Opera tonight. But Paris said she'd go if you didn't want... huh? Are you sure? But Turtle... Oh, all right... if you're sure... how about I pick you up at 5:00 then? Great, see you, sexy! *hangs up phone*

Trunks cell phone begins to ring and he glares at Goten.

Goten: *snickers as Trunks runs into the hall to answer his phone in privacy. Yelling can be heard occasionally.* But we are getting ahead of ourselves. Okay, we've got a phone, an extra battery (fully charged), a cool number (555-STUD), and voice mail. Next is clothes... *makes a sweeping motion over his body* Clothes make the man!

RR (Random Reader): But isn't it what's inside a person that is what women like?

Goten: *laughs for five minutes before calming down* Yeah, Bulma really fell in love with Vegeta because of his kind and loving heart! *falls over laughing again* And my mom LOVES the genius in my dad!! *laughs harder*

Trunks comes back into the room scowling.

Goten: For example, me... great outfit, hair perfect, winning smile *flashes a smile* = date tonight with a hot chick. Note the competition... *motions hand over Trunks* brown suit, tie, glasses... = date lost to me *motions hands over his clothes*

Trunks: That's it! You're going down! *chases Goten again*

Goten: Trunks, I swear! If you get blood on my outfit, I'll kill you! And besides! Marron will be all over me if you so much as give me a bruise!

Trunks stops immediately.

Trunks: Fine, baka!

Goten stops as well.

Goten: *grinning* Next step... Finding the right woman. NEVER pick a woman who's less than what you feel you deserve... But try to pick them kinda brainless... the dumber they are, the better you look.

Trunks: Heh, is that why you prefer blondes?

Goten: Ya know... I didn't bother YOUR seminar, why are you butting into mine?

Trunks just shrugged and grinned.

Goten: Okay, you got the phone, the clothes, hair perfect, smile, and the woman. Now comes the 'date' part. Firstly, never let the woman choose what you are gonna do. Have everything all planned out before you pick her up. Account for every minute, because if she's given any room to attempt to think, it could lead into a very bad night. *glances at clock, notices that it is 3:49 pm* Also... no hand holding, lead your date around with an arm on her waist. It shows her who is in control. No sex on the first date, but definitely an open mouthed kiss, leave her wanting more. And one last thing... Flowers good, candy bad! Unless she has allergies. Gotta run!

Goten leaves the classroom. Trunks pulls a mini tape recorder out of his pocket and hits the stop button. It ceases it's recording. He gets an evil smirk.

Trunks: Have a wonderful time tonight, Goten! *MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA*

SEQUEL: BRA BRIEFS' GUIDE TO SPYING AND SABOTAGE